Spike and Berry Punch sat in awkward silence as they ate their lunch. To make sure they stayed sober, the other three took turns watching them. It was decided that at least one of the three would be keeping an eye on them at all times during the rest of the trip. Currently, the two were being watched by all three mares.

"So..." Berry said, breaking the silence. "Spike and I finished our meals, and we’re ready to see what other surprises this train has in store for us. So if you'll excuse–"

Berry tried to jump over her chair and make a break for it, but Redheart was quick enough to shove her whilst she was in mid-air. The mulberry pony was pushed backward and ended up on top of Spike instead. The impact sent them both sprawling onto the floor in a small dragon-pony heap.

"Hey! I didn't even do anything!" Spike complained as he tried to get out from under his wife.

"I just want a drink!" Berry moaned as she sat back up, motioning to the room around them. "Look at all this booze! This train wants me to drink, too!"

"Berry!" Redheart chided, but their was no response. Berry was too worked up and continued to freak out over her enforced sobriety. Redheart grabbed her by the muzzle and forced her to look her in the eye. "Look, I get it. You’re an addict, an alcoholic, and you’re trapped in a train car surrounded by dozens of bottles of alcohol while not being allowed to have a single drop. And it's probably 100 times worse for you since your cutie mark is about drinking. So listen, when we get to the Crystal Empire, it is going to take some time for all of us to get ready for the ceremony. If you promise me that you will sit quietly, control yourself, and NOT be late to the wedding, I will let you and Spike share one bottle for the train ride.”

Redheart’s words seemed to have a magical effect. No sooner had she spoken those words, she watched as Berry instantly switched from being panic-stricken on the floor to sitting quietly in her seat. Her ears, twitching like mad, were the only visible signs of her excitement. As Redheart nodded in approval, Carrot Top went looking for a nice-sized bottle.

Meanwhile, Spike was unaware of the deal Redheart had made with his wife. He had unintentially distracted himself with helping Cheerilee send out wedding invitations.

"And Cherry Blossom is her full name?" he asked Cheerilee, who nodded in confirmation. Spike wrote that down on a piece of spare paper and sent it off with a small burst of emerald flame. Then he turned to Redheart.

"Hey Redheart, is there anypony you want to invite to the wedding? Family? Friends?"

"No. My parents would just ruin it for me," She responded as Carrot Top came back with two shot glasses and a big green bottle. Spike's attention shifted immediately.

"What did I miss, and do I get some?" he asked.

"You have to share with Berry."

"Just like the night we got married, and that lasted a good 20 minutes."

"Spike, you have to make this last an hour and a half." Spike's right eye twitched, then he blinked as he reached an epiphany.

"Holy shit! I'm an alcoholic!" he cried, earning a laugh from Berry.

"Spike, please tell me you only just now figured that out," Berry chortled.

"I don't wanna." Berry fell into a spasm of laughter. The other three only just managing not to join her.

"Spike," Cheerilee giggled as she put her hand on his shoulder, "please never change."

"Berry?" Redheart asked as the mare’s face hit the table. "Are you...?"

"I need a minute!" she gasped, still laughing hard. "Oh dear mother-in-law, I need a minute!"

While the others were distracted by his wife’s was in hysterics, Spike slowly reached for the bottle. However, Carrot Top pulled it out of reach at the last second.

"I will be pouring, thank you very much," she said. "It’s not that I don't trust you, Spike. It’s just that I don’t trust you or Berry with booze."

-10 minutes later-

"....Chimecherry or Cherrychanga!" burst Spike, laughing himself silly. Berry Punch took a shot as she laughed along with him.

"I remember this story!" she laughed. "You told me this when we got married!" she laughed as Redheart rubbed her head.

"Hey Spike," she said, gaining the tipsy dragon’s attention. "I get that you like that story, but maybe you should tell another one since, you know...you've told it four times in a row." Spike blinked at her.

"What?" he asked. "Speak up, pretty lady! You're blurry and smell like sex!" he laughed at nothing as Berry hit his back. Redheart, however, looked at him in shocked silence.

"Do...do I really smell like sex?" she asked, anxiously sniffing under her arm. Her eyes widened in horror as she made a startling realization. "Oh sweet Celestia! We all fucked, then just left!" She planted her face on the table. "WE ALL SMELL LIKE SEX!"

"What?!" Cheerilee yelped, sniffing her arm before freezing in place. "Fuck!"

"Maybe we should have showered first." Carrot Top said as she rubbed the back of her head. Spike laughed at them with a hiccup.

"Maybe you should jump in the pool!" he laughed.

"Spike this is a train!"

"This is the Gem Train!" Spike barked back, holding his shot and unintentionally tossing it in his own face as the tried to drink it. "It’s a luxury train line, usually reserved for royalty or nobility. There's a pool, a spa, there's even a game room! And the pool has these nice little bubbles and..."

"OK." Cheerilee said, taking control of the situation. “We are going to very quickly wash the stink off ourselves in that pool,” she said commandingly, pointed towards herself, Redheart, and Carrot Top. “And you two," She added pointing at Spike and Berry "are going to go to the spa!"

"There's a spa?" Spike asked in awe.

-20 minutes later-

"Oh, I feel so much better." Cheerilee sighed, as she slipped her pants on. "I wish I could take a bath like that every night!"

"Tell me about it!" Carrot Top said as she clipped her overalls back on. "I feel refreshed and ready for the day."

"Well that's good," Redheart said while buttoning up her overshirt, "cause we're all getting married today. And now that we don't smell like an orgy, we should go get Spike and Berry and take our seats again."

The three earth pony mares made their way to the next car over, where the spa was located. They looked all around the room for their two companions, but—much to their dismay—it was completely empty.

"What!?" sputtered Redheart. "But this is the last car on the train! How did two drunk idiots sneak past us?!"

The trio turned back and made their way back to their original train car. But when they arrived, they were greeted with an unwelcome sight. Nine empty bottles lay on a nearby table, music was playing over the speakers, and their two drunk friends/fiancées were sleeping peacefully before them. They both reeked of booze as they snored in their seats. Spike snored loudly as the unfinished bottle in his hand spilled onto the floor. Meanwhile, Berry Punch’s head was drenched in alcohol, the source being an almost empty bottle in her hands.

"Celestia, dammit!" Carrot Top swore. "Great."

"Isn't it?"

The three mares jumped at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. Standing behind the counter stood Princess Cadance, who waved happily to the trio.

"It was super cute to see you worry about them, but honestly, I feel like giving them Canterlot Snooze worked out better."

"Wha..?"

"It's a drink made to knock ponies out. Its was outlawed years ago, but I held on to those babies..." she pointed to the two bottles Spike and Berry were holding, "just in case. Never know when you might need to knock somepony unconscious." She smiled at them as she jumped over the counter. "Oh, and just so you know, you arrived at the Crystal Empire a little while ago. We were just waiting for the right moment to drug these two," she smiled. "Now it'll be 100 times easier to get them measured for their wedding attire."

"I can't...I...I don't know how to respond to that," Redheart said perplexed, slowly shaking her head. "This seems kind of..."

"Fucked up?" Cadance offered. "Completely. But this was the best way to make sure these two's outfits could be finished on time. Now would you like me to carry them, or would you rather do than honors?"

"These two idiots are ours," Cheerilee instantly replied. "I get the feeling that this is going to be a regular occurrence with us. So now's a good a time as any to get use to carrying them around for when they inevitably reach their alcohol limit and pass out at a bar somewhere, leaving it up to us to take them home."

Princess Cadance cast a Evaporation spell to dry up all the liquor covering Spike and Berry. Once the two were dry, the three mares quietly worked to lift them up. Cheerilee and Redheart each placed on of Berry’s arms around their shoulders and hoisted her onto her hooves. Carrot Top picked up the drunken Spike and placed him over her shoulder—much like she did back in Berry’s apartment. Princess Cadance softly whistled at the sight of the yellow mare’s feat to strength.

"You’re a lot stronger than you look," praised Cadance as she opened to train car’s door. "I'll have to make sure your dress is a little sturdier than the others to avoid ripping. Just follow my husband, he'll lead you to the castle. I'll meet you all there!" she beamed. There was a flash of light, and Cadance disappeared.

"Why can't we just be teleported there?" Carrot Top grumbled.

"Their stalling for time," Redheart responded. "Making sure everything's ready for us when we get there."

"Yeah," Cheerilee added. "Because leaving to take a train ride, locking us in said train, then making us walk through a highly populated area with two drugged companions is just polite."

Author's Note

I, Silver Butcher, do not endorse drugging others to make them fall asleep, I will, however, use it as a plot device.

Special thanks to Starblade for editing