Applejack's Accidental Alcoholism

by PonyThunder

Rating: everyone
Tags: Apple Bloom, Comedy, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Granny Smith
Length: 2844

It's Cider Season, and that means ponies wide and far come 'round to enjoy the Apple family's famously flavorful cider! But when something goes wrong with the recipe, it doesn't take long for things to go awry...

It's Cider Season, and that means ponies wide and far come 'round to enjoy the Apple family's famously flavorful cider! But when something goes wrong with the recipe, it doesn't take long for things to go awry...

Published 2019-11-21 15:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-11-21 15:00:02 UTC

Applejack's Accidental Alcoholism

Apple Bloom lifted her legs up and down as she stood atop a mound of mushy apples, feeling them squish and slosh beneath her hooves as she stomped them downward.

"Can't I just take a quick break, sis?" she said and stopped for a moment, suddenly feeling the muscles in her legs starting to tighten from all the repetitive motion.

"Absolutely not!" Applejack replied with a pencil between her teeth, scribbling quantities of ingredients on a notebook. "We're already behind schedule enough, and the crowds are expected to be even bigger this year than the last."

"Maybe I could do the scribblin', and you could stomp on apples for awhile?" she proposed, expecting her question to be met with deaf ears. To her surprise, it wasn't.

"I would help if I could," she replied. "But with Big McIntosh bein' out of commission due to his steppin' on a porcupine, and on account of the fact that this here recipe is as complicated as puttin' socks on a rooster, I'm afraid this is just how things are gonna be, sugar cube."

Apple Bloom sighed. At least she didn't have to spend three hours plucking needles out of her hoof.

"When you finish mushin' up those apples, come and get me," continued Applejack, looking puzzled at the list of ingredients. "I need to go double check with Granny that the chicken scratches on this recipe actually say to include ten pounds of tree bark..."

"Will do," Apple Bloom sighed, resuming her stomping gradually in an attempt to avoid pulling a muscle.

Applejack trotted quickly out of the barn and headed towards the house to find Granny Smith. The annual Apple Family Cider Festival was coming up, and as she'd said earlier, time was running short. It would be a few weeks until the day would arrive, of course, but the demand in recent years had consistently been rising. Thankfully, the solution had always been simple: make cider earlier. But with Granny Smith's joints going bad and Big McIntosh being clumsy, Applejack unexpectedly found herself strapped for time, and more stressed than usual.

"Granny?" Applejack called from the kitchen as the screen door swacked shut behind her.

"Myes?" Granny replied from further inside.

"Are you sure this recipe is right? Some of these ingredients seem...questionable."

Granny Smith came slowly into the kitchen. "Let me see," she said, taking the paper with the recipe out of Applejack's hoof.

"I sure need a pair of glasses," she said, squinting at the paper filled with barely legible writing. "Who wrote this recipe?"

"You did..." Applejack replied.

"Oh, that's right." She took the paper and held it in her hooves at a distance, then up close, and then further away again. "Yup! This is the one, alright."

"You sure?"

"Sure enough to hang yer hat on," she replied. "I'd bet the farm on it."

"Well...alright then," said Applejack, taking back the recipe. Two country-isms in one response. That meant you didn't prod any further. "In that case, do you know where I can find a helpin' hoof? Apple Bloom has been workin' her flank off mushin' apples eight hours a day..."

"When I was a young'un, we mushed apples for eight hours each mornin', had a two hour break for lunch, and mushed 'em even more eight hours each night," replied Granny Smith.

"You mushed apples for sixteen hours a day?"

"Sure did," she replied pridefully. "How did you think we stayed in shape? Mushin' apples was a professional sport in my time. We mushed apples constantly because the cider was only good if it didn't soak too long."

Applejack feigned agreement just so she could get back to working.

"Well then," Granny Smith continued, "let me know if y'need anything else. I was in the middle of takin' my nap."

"Will do, Granny," she replied, hastily making her way out onto the porch to go acquire a bark-scraper. It was going to be a long, long afternoon.

The next day, after Apple Bloom had pulled a muscle in every one of her legs, Applejack decided that more help was needed. The Cider Festival was still a ways out, but the math wasn't adding up no matter how many times she scribbled calculations on scratch paper. Luckily, she had a friend who was loyal and always willing to lend a helping hoof.

"I get to help make the cider?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed as her mouth began to water. "Count me in!"

Applejack breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, I just hope we have enough time to get enough cider made before the Cider Festival begins. You sure you're willin' to help out? It'll be long hours of stompin' apples in the heat of day."

"No problem!" she responded enthusiastically. "As long as I get a taste here and there."

Applejack gave her an assuming look.

"I mean...because I'm always willing to lend a helping hoof for a friend."

"That's what I thought you'd say," Applejack replied with a sly grin. Although Rainbow Dash seemed somewhat disappointed. "But yeah...you can have a sip here and there too."

Rainbow Dash cheered internally as Applejack led her into the barn where Apple Bloom had been mushing apples prior to being rushed off to the Ponyville hospital. Giant mounds of un-mushed apples filled short but wide cylinders throughout the room. Suddenly Rainbow Dash wasn't quite as enthusiastic.

"Now, these here apples are all that need to be mushed before I continue on with this here recipe," said Applejack. "The Cider Festival is still a ways off, but I'll need to make sure at least one of these tubs are fully mushed every day from here on out. Alright?"

"Alright," said Rainbow Dash, already lifting off the ground toward the nearest one.

"And no shortcuts, neither," Applejack said while pulling her back to the ground by a wing.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm gonna do this by the book, no matter what. Nothin' in this recipes' gonna change, 'cause if it does, it won't be Traditional Apple Family Cider. That's why."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, but agreed. If anything, the last thing she wanted to do was deviate from the tried and true taste of Apple Family Cider. Applejack released her grip and allowed Rainbow Dash to return to the air and get to work. She began by jumping onto the nearest mound of apples in a tub and trotting in place. Almost immediately, she realized why Apple Bloom had to be sent off to the Ponyville hospital. It was grueling, repetitive work. But she pushed through, knowing that she was being loyal to her friend...and that it would certainly result in getting a fair share of the end product.

Back at the homestead, Applejack was mulling over the recipe once more. She'd spent the better part of the afternoon the day prior gathering tree bark, only to realize the morning after that the recipe called for ten pounds of tree sap. Apparently, Granny Smith's memory was as good as her eyesight. Still though, she had plenty of time until the festival was scheduled to begin and she felt fairly certain that she and Rainbow Dash, along with anypony else willing to help, would be able to mush the apples with time to spare.

In fact, after spending a couple hours trying to gather sap from the trees she de-barked yesterday, Applejack was met suddenly by an enthusiastic Rainbow Dash.

"Uh...can I help you, sugarcube?" she said while tapping a metal contraption into a tree.

"Nope!" Rainbow Dash said pridefully. "You'll never believe it, but I just finished!"

Applejack missed a tap and hit the trunk. "You what now?"

"I just finished! You should have seen me. I was an apple-mushing champion. It was totally awesome."

Applejack gave her a puzzled look, but it quickly morphed into worry. "You didn't take no shortcuts...did you?"

"No." Rainbow Dash replied, her voice sounding almost offended by the accusation. "I just...kinda got into a groove, you know?"

Applejack didn't seem too relieved.

"It also didn't hurt that I've been working my quads for better take-offs recently..." Rainbow Dash continued, glowing with pride.

Applejack glanced downward, then back up to Rainbow Dash. "Show me."

Rainbow Dash gave her a sly grin. "You mean the apples...right?"

Applejack returned it with a raised eyebrow and a soft snort before they headed back into the barn to see the product of Rainbow Dash's hard work.

"Well I'll be..." Applejack said, awestruck at the tubs of fully mushed apples. "You still sure you didn't take any shortcuts? It's very important that these apples were mushed by hooves the old-fashioned way. Not nothin' else."

"I promise," said Rainbow Dash. "Here, just look."

She leaped onto a pile of apples that had been tossed aside due to not being quite ripe enough, and then began to stomp. Her legs moved so fast up and down that Applejack had trouble keeping up, but after just a few seconds of the display, she had her doubts completely relieved.

"See?" said Rainbow Dash, propping herself on two hooves against the edge of the tub.

"I sure do, sugarcube." Applejack sighed and let out a relieved laugh. It was a weight off her back knowing that all that was left for her to do was to combine the ingredients and let everything settle until the festival. "And you can color me impressed."

"So...does that mean I can have a taste?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Sure thing, but it won't taste much different than applesauce right now. It needs time to soak."

"Well...how long until it'll be ready?"

"A few weeks, when the festival starts."

Rainbow Dash groaned, and fell backward onto the apple mush. "Ugh. Well, let me know if you need any more help until then. You know where to find me."

"Will do, R.D. Thanks for your help. It's sure taken a load off knowin' all the hard work is already done...and get yourself off of those apples."

"No prob," she replied before jetting out the door.

Applejack breathed deeply and relaxed. All the hard work was done, and all she had to do was wait a few weeks.

On a warm, sunny day in Sweet Apple Acres, ponies from near and far came to attend the annual Apple Family Cider Festival. Several tents and booths were set up, all for shops selling other goods or for events surrounding the day's festivities. Ponies and creatures from near and far moved and bustled through the crowd that surrounded their home.

"I reckon' there's even more than last year," said Granny Smith.

"Sure looks like it," replied Applejack. "It's a good thing we were able to make all that cider. Heck, I'm not so sure it'll be enough, judgin' by how many ponies keep comin' over the horizon."

"Eh, if we run out, we run out. Scarcity's almost as important as quality, anyway. If we sold our cider all year round, it wouldn't be as special now, would it?"

"Makes sense," replied Applejack, eyeing the gate with ponies lined up behind it. "I think it's time to let everyone in."

She trotted down to the gate and addressed the increasingly impatient crowd. As she came up to them, she already felt the weight of responsibility easing off her flank. "Attention everypony," she yelled loudly, "I would like to formally declare that the annual Apple Family Cider Festival is officially open!"

With the small creak of opening the wooden gate, the crowd cheered and flooded inward like a sea of thirsty ponies. She quickly moved off to the side, taking a sigh of relief as the crowd began to disperse across the farm. All she had to do now was serve up cider, and enjoy the afternoon heat. After a few more moments, she took her position beside a large barrel filled with cider and began serving it up to thirsty customers.

"Wow! The cider tastes especially good this year!"

"Definitely a stronger flavor...but I like it."

"Is this made from a different variety of apple?"

"The recipe is extra bubbly this year!"

"It's a little bitter-tasting, but it makes my head feel funny, so that's something."

As the afternoon dragged on and the heat from the sun started to beat down, Applejack decided it was time to pour a mug for herself. She filled it to the brim, making sure to let the fizz go away on top, and immediately downed it in just a few gulps. She felt an odd sensation at first, but figured it must have just been the afternoon heat getting to her. A couple minutes later, Rainbow Dash came trotting bouncily up to her.

"Hey, A.J.," Rainbow Dash said with a dopey smile on her face.

"Hey, R.D.," she replied similarly.

"I'm gonna say...this year's cider is the *hic* best year's cider. An' uh, that's not just 'cause I made it."

Applejack thought something was off about the way Rainbow Dash was speaking, but her mind went hazy and she ignored it. "Sure is. Thanks again, uh, for...for..."

"Helping?"

"Yeah, that's what I was tryin' to say."

Several ponies nearby started becoming loud and boisterous, laughing about something they couldn't decipher. Suddenly, one of them tried to jump onto a hay bale with a mug of cider in one hoof, but ended up falling on their flank and spilling it all over themselves. The group surrounding them erupted in laughter.

"Wow," said Rainbow Dash, "everypony is having a really good time this year."

"Sure are," said Applejack, pouring another mug of cider for herself before even realizing she was doing so.

A few moments later, Apple Bloom walked slowly up to them. "Sis...I don't feel so good..."

"What's wrong, sugar cube?" Applejack replied after taking another sip.

Apple Bloom sat her rump onto the ground with her head looking down. "Everything. I felt fine this mornin' when Granny Smith and I were tastin' the cider, but now I feel awful."

"Have you tried drinking more cider?" asked Rainbow Dash, sneaking a refill as Applejack consoled her sister.

"Yeah...I don't think it helped." Apple Bloom rolled over onto the dirt. "Everything just keeps spinning." She put her hooves into the air and watched the clouds spin around in the sky. "Stop spinning!"

Suddenly, a realization came to Applejack. Something Granny Smith said to her when she had been preparing the cider. Something about it not being right if it soaked the apple mush for too long. How long had she soaked them, anyway?

It was at that moment that she saw Granny Smith approaching them from several paces away, with an angry look in her eyes. And it was in the moments immediately after that she figured out what had gone wrong with the cider. But it was in the final moment before Granny Smith arrived to tell her that she opened her mouth to speak, only to have it shut by Granny's hoof.

"Applejack..." she said menacingly. A strong aroma of apples emanated from her mouth and her voice was slightly slurred. "How long did you soak the apples?"

"Uhhh, just a few weeks, I think," she replied, inching away to escape her breath and out of fear.

"Do you know what happens to apple mush when it sits out for too long?"

"It goes...bad?"

"Correct," Granny Smith replied, moving slowly toward the barrel of cider. "And do you know what that means?"

Looking at Applejack's concerned face, Rainbow Dash decided to help. "Doesn't taste bad to me! I feel like I can do anything!"

In an attempt to save her friend, Rainbow Dash thought it would be a good idea to take to the skies and perform some aerial maneuvers to show just how much she enjoyed the cider. After one or two loops, however, her vision went hazy and she crashed straight into the side of their barn, sending wooden splinters everywhere. Ponies nearby started screaming and fled, only to trip over each other and others, spilling drinks and crashing into tables and bushes. The noise from the crowd went from a dull roar to complete chaos in only a few seconds, with screaming children piercing their ears and angry strangers starting to yell at each other. Apple Bloom covered her eyes in an attempt to make the spinning stop, and Applejack braced for the stern talking to she was about to receive from Granny Smith about following recipes and doing things the right way.

But instead, something different happened.

"Yeeeee-hawww!" Granny Smith whooped before smashing a mug of cider against the spout of the barrel, causing it to immediately rush out as a torrent of yellow, foamy liquid. She slid through the river of cider into the crowd and started hollering and having a good time, and several strangers followed suit.

Applejack watched in awe as Granny Smith acted like a crazy pony and Apple Bloom laid in agony in the dirt beside her. Next year, she'd make absolute certain not to let the apples ferment.