Fire Marshall Bill Inspects Equestria

by TheAnimerican

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Princess Luna, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random
Length: 1513

LET HIM SHOW YA SOMETHING!!!

Fire Marshall Bill is a man that can spot catastrophe even before it happens. That is exactly the kind of person Equestria needs to prevent any future disasters. Pay close attention as this man's lessons could save not only the citizens of Equestria but your life as well.

LET HIM SHOW YA SOMETHING!!!

*****

If it wasn't obvious, this story was inspired by a hilarious character portrayed by Jim Carrey. I thought it would be fun to have a wacky character like him roaming Equestria. Well, fun for me at least. Hahaha! I hope you all enjoy!

Published 2021-04-12 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-04-12 20:20:01 UTC

High-Risk Bakery

A beautiful morning sun shined over Ponyville like any other day. The town's local bakery, Sugarcube Corner, emitted the sweet aroma of cookies, cakes, muffins, and other delicious treats. Who is responsible for this? Why Ponyville's very own Pinkie Pie.

"Who me?"

Yes, you Pinkie! I am sure just about everypony appreciates everything that you do!

"Why thank you Animerican! Oh! Oh! Oh! Is it my turn for a story?"

Of course Pinkie! Also, we have an exciting guest for this story. Maybe a new friend for you.

"Ah! I just love making new friends!"

As do I Pinkie and I am sure you are very eager to do some serious baking. However, did you know that working in a bakery has some risks?

"Risks? Like what?"

Well, I am glad you asked Pinkie. Before we get started, there are a couple of things I need to know. First of all, is the Cake family with you?

"Hmm... Now that you mention it, they went out of town for a family vacation. It happened rather suddenly."

Oh did it now? Oh well. I am sure you can fill them in on what you will be learning today. By the way, I really do enjoy talking to you Pinkie. Unfortunately, as to not confuse the readers, I will have to continue narrating the story naturally. Just pretend that I am not here. Okay?

"Okie Dokie Lokie!"

Thank you Pinkie! Now back to the story.

At Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie continued to bake until all the orders from customers and friends have been fulfilled. Little did she know, she was about to have an unexpected guest.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Here comes my new friend!"

Pinkie...

"Oh, right. Acting natural."

As I was saying, Pinkie Pie was unaware of the unexpected guest she was about to meet.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the front door opened and revealed a creature that Pinkie has never seen before. The creature stood tall, wearing a suit, and a peaked cap with an unfamiliar crest on it. Also, on his scarred face, he wore this maniac-like grin. However, this did not bother Pinkie. In fact, she welcomed a huge smile such as his.

"Hello! I'm Pinkie Pie!" the pink pony introduced herself as she hopped her way to the entrance. "Who are you mysterious stranger that I was not expecting?"

"Hello Cotton Candy! I am Fire Marshall Bill Burns! My daughter and I love your show. A pleasure to meet ya," he extended his hands and shook one of Pinkie's hooves.

"Likewise! Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner! But what is a 'welcome' without my very own 'Welcome Song?'" Pinkie announced. She disappeared, then immediately reappeared, with her well-known "Welcome Wagon." The large wagon didn't seem like much at first, but once she pushed that red button, the wagon converted to its very own musical orchestra. The horns sounded, flags waved, and even provided tasty treats on the side.

But before Pinkie could sing her song, the song was immediately cut off. "Hold it right there missy!" the fire marshall shouted. The shout was strong enough to turn off the welcome wagon instantly. "Just what the heck do you think you're doing?"

Pinkie was taken aback by the sudden interruption. Nopony has ever stopped her during the "Welcome Song." She regained her composure and explained, "Well, whenever I meet somepony new, I like to welcome them with a party. Just in case, if ever caught off guard, I have this welcome wagon instead. See? It plays music, shoots confetti, and provides all these tasty treats on the side!"

"Well that sure is very thoughtful of you," Bill said with his large grin.

"Thanks!" Pinkie returned the smile.

"However, there are many things on that little gadget of yours that can be very very," paused for effect, "DEADLY!"

"Huh? But what could-?"

"LET ME SHOW YA SOMETHING!!!" the fire marshall shouted. He then marched his way past Pinkie to the wagon. "Now let's just say, that you decide to perform your little concert and a crowd surrounds you. Suddenly, one of the ponies sees this contraption and is distracted by the smell of this lemon pie. He gets closer and closer, doesn't see the waving flags, and then-," he cuts himself off as he demonstrated exactly what would happen. A flag stabbed him in the eye and he screamed in pain. After a few cries, he retained his smile and looked at Pinkie with his one good eye as he held the flagstick stuck in the other, "Next thing you know you look like a marshmallow on a stick! HA HA HA HA HA!" With ease, he pulled the flag out and dropped it on the floor.

"Ouch," said Pinkie. "Doesn't that hurt Fire Marshall Bill?"

Fire Marshall Bill cocked his head, "Miss, you don't know what pain is until you have put out a forest fire... WITH YOUR BAREFEET!" He then laid down, raised his legs, and presented his feet with burn blisters.

The sight was obscene and Pinkie's pink fur turned green around her face. She covered her mouth to try and keep it down.

"Uh oh. Speaking of bad burns," said the fire marshall as he got back on his feet and marched straight to the kitchen.

"My my my this is quite the kitchen you have here bubble gum," stated the fire marshall.

"Umm, thanks. This is the Cake's bakery and I take care of it while they are gone," said Pinkie.

"Young mare, if there is anything that I've learned in all my years as a fire marshall, it is you can never truly be prepared for disaster," said the grotesque human. "LET ME SHOW YA SOMETHING!!!" The fire marshall then began to go through all the cupboards. He grabbed a large bowl, eggs, butter, just about all the ingredients needed for a cake. "HEY! NARRATOR! You're saying too much."

Oops. Sorry Fire Marshall Bill.

"No harm was done," said the fire marshall, "At least not yet. HA HA HA HA HA HA! Now, where was I? Oh yeah!" The man gathered all his tools, ingredients and set them all on the kitchen island. "Now, let's just say you are ready to shake and bake a cake. You got your milk, your butter, your milk-."

"But you already said milk," Pinkie interrupted.

"Hey! You don't tell me how to bake and I won't tell you how to check your blood sugar!" said the human baker. "As I was saying before I was RUDELY interrupted, you also need a large bag of flour." The man then placed a large bag labeled "flour" on the island. "Now, what you didn't know was that an employee at the warehouse happened to be very stressed out that day, over the fact that he was working lower than minimum wage, and was not watching what was going in the bags. Instead of a bag of flour you were delivered a bag of GUNPOWDER! Now, Ms. Princess Bonnie Bubblegum cosplayer here is so high on sugar that she mistakenly poured the entire bag into the bowl. Like so!" As he said, the fire marshal demonstrated what Pinkie would have done if she didn't check the bag.

"But I always check the bags!" Pinkie protested. "Seriously, I always check and I am sure I can smell the difference between-."

"Suddenly," the fire marshal interrupted, "there happens to be a lunar eclipse and it just got dark in here. You don't know where the light switch is and you decide to light a match." Fire Marshal Bill then pulls are a single match from his pocket.

"Woah woah woah! Fire Marshal Bill, you can't light that near the powder!" Pinkie stated.

"Don't worry ma'am. I am... a fire marshal." Holding that smile, he lit the match.

***

A fire raged in Ponyville that day. Local firefighters were not well trained and too few to handle this kind of disaster. Any citizen of Ponyville was asked to help out if they could.

"Oh no!" a crying bald pink pony cried, "How am I going to explain this to the cakes?!"

Standing beside her, a certain fire marshal had a few words to share. "Oh well. I suppose you can tell them that business is toast. HA HA HA HA HA!" Suddenly, a sparkling object in the distance caught his attention. "HEY! Is that a giant castle made of crystal? There is danger even in children's cartoons. Well, that is what I am here for... LET ME SHOW YA SOMETHING!!!" He announced as he marched to the castle.

Pinkie chuckled at the joke, "Toast. That is kind of fun- Wait, a crystal castle? OH NO, TWILIGHT!!!"

Author's Note

I know this was a bit short, but I was debating to continue or just leave it as is. I guess it depends if enough people liked this chapter. If so, we all know that Fire Marshal Bill will be giving lessons to Twilight in the next story.

I hope you all enjoyed! Thank you!