Que? Sa Dilla! Cheesy Issues.

by David Silver

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1214

Starlight notices Twilight's fear of a particular style of grilled cheese snack and decides this is a problem she can solve. What could go wrong?

Starlight notices Twilight's fear of a particular style of grilled cheese snack and decides this is a problem she can solve. What could go wrong?

Published 2019-02-17 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-17 20:50:01 UTC

1 - Too Cheesy

"What are you doing?" Spike was standing in the doorway, leaning against one side of it, his eyes on Starlight. "You're not usually... much into cooking."

Starlight wiped some of the dust on her face free with a swipe of her arm across her face. "Not usually, but this is a special occasion. I'm going to surprise, and help, Twilight!"

"Oh, that sounds nice." He lifted from the floor on his wings, soaring over to the table Starlight was working on. "Wait, tortillas? What are you making with this?"

"Just a little snack." She willed the tortillas to close over their contents of cheese and veggies. "Something tasty to remind her that--"

"--No," cut in Spike. "You should not give this to Twilight. Nope. Don't do it." He shook his head firmly.

"Oh don't be so dramatic." Starlight rolled her eyes as she lifted the platter with it all, throwing it in the oven. "After she enjoys this little bit of deliciousness, she'll forget she was ever afraid of them. I mean, really, afraid of a cheese snack? How did that even happen?"

Spike lifted his shoulders. "Good luck getting her to talk about it. So far as I can tell, it happened before she met me, so when she was just a filly. Something happened, and she's not moving past it... ever."

"Pfft, maybe it was just too much cheese, but I put in lots of yummy things in there that weren't cheese," reported Starlight with a proud smile. "She'll love it! Hay, I want a bite... C'mon, cook faster!" She danced from hoof to hoof in giddy excitement at the slow process of cooking.

Hoofsteps were heard only moment before her voice. "Spike? Are you making something?" Twilight poked her head in the kitchen, peeking around curiously.

Spike hiked a thumb at Starlight. "Yeah, not me. I refuse all credit for this one."

Starlight waved both forehooves at Twilight excitedly. "Perfect timing! I have a present for you."

"You made lunch, for me? That's very thoughtful of you." Her nose twitched softly, nostrils flaring. "I can't quite place what I'm smelling. What is that?"

The timer dinged softly. "I present, a special culinary treat." She popped open the oven with a glowing horn. "Que--"

"Se Dilla!" squeaked Twilight, scrambling away with wide eyes. "Get it away!" Her horn flashed brightly, banishing the platter and all its nutritious contents. Heaving for breath, she slumped against the doorway.

"Told you." Spike flew past Twilight, making good his escape.

Starlight's cheerful smile quickly eroded. "Twilight! I was... really looking forward to that. I made it for you, silly mare."

"That wasn't funny," huffed Twilight, trying to get herself upright.

The ground rumbled beneath them, causing them both to look around.

Starlight hiked a brow. "Did you leave an experiment cooking when you came here?"

"No?" Twilight turned around to leave through the same door. The ground rumbled more violently. "What the..." She reached a window and pushed it open enough to peek outside. "What is-- Que! Que que que!" She scrambled back from the window, violently shaking. "Que!"

"Are you still going on about that?" Starlight patted Twilight on the way past. "You already zapped my lunch away. No more quesadilla to bother you."

"Que!" Twilight thrust a hoof at the window.

"Yes yes, que. I heard you..." She trotted up to the window and had a peek.

"Que!" sputtered Twilight.

"--Sa dilla," breathed out the last by Starlight. "By Celestia..."

Looming massive on the hill and taking great steps in strange undulations of its improbably huge tortilla-body, her quesadilla platter was approaching Ponyville, about five stories tall, still piping hot, and moving quickly. "Twilight? What... spell did you use, exactly?"

The platter it had rested on was gone. It was as if each cut portion of the dish had connected to one another, forming a crude quadruped form to goopily stomp its way towards the helpless city.

Twilight was rocking back and forth. "I wasn't thinking. I just wanted it gone. I just... it was so... Oh... It was so... scary..."

Starlight pulled her head back in. "You made it as big and scary as you imagined it! Twilight, you have to undo your spell!"

"I'm not getting any closer to that thing!" shrieked Twilight, her wings out, but crooked, unable to move quite properly in her state. "You do it! Make it go away!"

"Are you giving me permission to use Big Magic?" She cocked a brow. "You know the standing rule. No Big Magic. You promised punishments if I broke that one."

"Do it! Do it do it do it!" Twilight tried to bury herself where the crystal wall met the equally crystal floor. "Make it go away!"

"Well, if you're ordering me..." Starlight smiled confidently before vanishing.

Carrot Top offered carrots to each pony that passed her stand. Why were they hurrying so quickly. "A carrot a day keeps your eyesight sharp!" she called out, waving a carrot temptingly. "Buy three for the price of two. You can't say--" She suddenly trailed off as she and her stand shook softly. "What the?"

The shaking came back, all the louder. Her carrots began to fall from their perches. "Noo!"

She wasn't even looking up when a great cheesy mass descended on her, consuming her and the stand in hot dairy horror. "Help!" she called out, flailing in the sticky stuff, carried away with its tremendous motions.

The quesadilla golem paid no mind to the buildings it damaged and punched through, seemingly determined to keep moving in a straight line away from the castle it was born in. Ponies screamed and ran in all directions, trying to avoid Carrot Top's lamentable fate.

Starlight appeared in front of it. "Stop right there! I have magic and I know how to use it."

It did not stop. It didn't even slow down. One of its great tortilla-cheese limbs reached for her in the midsts of one of its steps.

"Oh no you don't!" She fired magic at it, spraying cheese everywhere.

But it still didn't stop. She was stepped on, joining the cheesy mass.

Trixie was the next thing it encountered. "How dare you hurt Trixie's Great and Powerful assistant and also friend. I will now banish you to the moon!" She didn't want to send Starlight though... and she wasn't perfect at teleporting.

That didn't stop her from trying. "Begone!" Her magic made contact with their cheesy nemesis.

It vanished.

Carrot Top hit the ground, carrots raining down all around her. Starlight landed on top of her with a mutual grunt of impact.

Something landed on Starlight's head. "What?" She crossed her eyes up and saw a quesadilla, a normal-sized one, was stuck on her horn. "How di--" She didn't get to finish as the rain began. All of Ponyville was pelted by little triangles of quesadilla. Trixie's magic had only carried it so far, and it was falling in a great flood of snack food.

Nopony would ever forget the event.

Author's Note

Trixie saves the day! Done as a one shot for a patreon.

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