Canterlot's Most Wanted

The small coffee shop off a street in the southern end of Canterlot was rather silent, which was rather typical of the place as no one who frequented it was overly social. Generally, the customers tended to be calm and rather pleasant, especially as many of them had been raised to a certain degree of etiquette being common in that place. However, in one corner of the shop sat a pale yellow unicorn whose glasses obscured her eyes heavily. Across the table sat a deep blue pegasus who looked considerably similar to one of the diarches but was a common enough customer many were certain she wasn't.

Their hooves lay upon the table as they whispered quietly to each other. "Are you really sure you're okay with it? I know it's a weird thing to do." The pegasus shifted nervously as she spoke to her companion, who bit her lip and nodded.

"Er, I am, I've never actually done it before so I don't know how well I'll do..." she answered, looking far more nervous than her friend who had a beaming smile grace her face as she heard the answer. The unicorn adjusted her glasses as her friend lightly touched her hoof before lifting it up slowly. She stared at what was happening through her glasses as her cheeks turned red. "OH my gosh, I never thought..."

"Right? I feel so naughty just doing it! It's so warm and soft," the Pegasus murmured as she shifted her hoof around, "I think yours is bigger though."

The unicorn blushed even more, "Er, is that a... bad thing? We can stop, I just..."

She shook her head in response, "It's perfect fine, just different." They remained silently there with their hooves intertwined as their faces began to grow hotter and hotter and they started panting, their faces both extremely red. Their heartbeats sped up and drowned out another noise before a piercing scream shot through their ears and they turned to face the source. At the table, a tall white unicorn mare was holding a hoof over her eyes.

"IN PUBLIC!?" the mare had screamed and shortly after the rest of the customers faced them. One mare fainted, a stallion gasped in shock, and a third mare's nose erupted in blood as guards quickly stormed the shop and, ignoring the unicorn, grabbed the pegasus and dragged her out of the shop. Moondancer watched as this happened in pure, utter confusion. One of the guards approached and in a soft tone started speaking.

"Miss, are you okay? The criminal has been apprehended and can't molest your hooves anymore," he patted her shoulder with his hoof as Moondancer gaped in shock.

"What do you mean?" she finally spluttered out. The guard stared at her for a few moments and in the background several guards and medics were assisting all the customers, one mare in particular was being wheeled out as an IV drip of blood was inserted into her forehoof. The mare did not move the entire time, though she was indeed remarkably pale.

"Miss, hoof holding is illegal," the guard said before turning around and leaving the shop leaving a very distressed, confused, and abused mare sitting silently in her chair. One of the baristas approached and placed a coffee on her table and she looked at the mare silently.

"It's on the house," the barista said softly as Moondancer stared at it in utterly confused and baffled silence. The shop slowly calmed down before she finally eventually said something.

"Que mierda?"

Meanwhile at the central plaza in the middle of town a crowd of guards had parted the crowd and secured a large section in the center where a large stage had been set up with a taller throne and two pedestals facing the stage. The crowd was booing and jeering as a blue Pegasus was dragged onto the stage and placed on her knees with her forelegs cuffed together. Several tomatoes were thrown. A lavender unicorn mare and Discord waltzed onto the stage.

The other pedestal simply remained empty, it's purpose unclear. After a few more moments, a large alabaster alicorn started to take a seat upon the throne, only for a loud noise, wet and slick as it echoed through the air, emanated from the cushion beneath her. The alicorn didn't even react, the sound only intensifying as she took a full seat. After a few more moments of silence, she banged a gavel on her arm rest.

"So begins this trial, the defendant?" Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria, asked the occupied pedestal.

Her protégé and student answered calmly in as monotone a voice as she could muster, sounding emotionally dead. Discord nodded as she did, "The defendant is one Moon Moon, aka Princess Luna, diarch of Equestria and sister of the judge." A few ponies in the crowd gasped but the guards held them back.

"And how does she plead?"

Luna snorted loudly, "Obviously not guilty."

Discord and Twilight rolled their eyes as Celestia glared down at her disguised sister. "For the crimes of indecent exposure in the public eye, you may make the case in plea of innocence."

Twilight nodded towards Discord who stood, "We would like to submit this evidence in favor of our client." He snapped his claw and a small sliver of paper drifted down in front of the princess. The paper was small, red, and the text was gold. It simply said Big Dick Energy. Celestia nodded solemnly as she read it. "We would also like to argue that, as our client is one of the rulers of the nation, she must suffer a less severe penalty should she be charged guilty."

"Of course," Celestia nodded. "And the prosecution?"

A lone pink alicorn mare walked onto the stage and took her place at the pedestal. "Princess Cadence Di Amore, representing the Country. Here I have several confirmed reports and evidence of numerous instances of hoof holding with other ponies who we have confirmed did not consent."

Luna blinked, "But, they said yes!"

Cadence sneered at the blue alicorn, "Yes means no! This is a well known fact! Consent does not mean consent!"

The crowd cheered at this and Celestia nodded, "Very well, I shall go ahead and make my judgment." She rose from the chair to yet another increasingly loud echo of flatulence. The princess looked out across her people before finally nodding.

"TO THE MOON!!!" She cried and the crowd began to cheer as Luna let out a sign and disappeared under a beam of light. "Hoof-holding degenerate," Celestia hissed as she departed off the stage, her long black dragon dildo slowly schlorping out of her and plopping on the ground with a splat as all of the ponies cheered on their solar princess.

It took a few weeks, but after raising the moon for awhile, Celestia noticed that the mare on the moon was no longer a mare but a big dick. She nodded sagely, "So she IS learning."