60's Spiderman Goes To Equestria
The Beginning and The End
It's the 60's and it is just another day in New York City.
"Just another day? Oh come on narrator guy, say something more interesting," Spiderman yelled at the sky, while staying on top of a random building.
"Deal with it!"
"It's not that I'd actually give a fuck, but hey! Look over there!" he yelled again at the sky, pointing in a random direction.
"What? I can't see anything."
"Exactly! Those were the fucks I gave," Spiderman said, laughing.
"Why you! I'm going to make you pay!"
"Wait!" Spiderman said while searching in his pockets.
"What are you looking for?"
"My fucks. I can't find them!"
"Now you're as fucked as the fucks you don't give!"
"That makes no sense. Not that I would give a fuck about that," Spiderman replied, raising his shoulders.
The sky was suddenly covered by thick black clouds. A storm was coming.
"Now, pay for your insolence!"
A thunder hit Spiderman, evaporating him.
"Good now, I can get back to my work. Peace and quiet…"
Unfortunately, there was a turbulence in the not giving a fuck force.
"Oh no...Why can't you die?!" the narrator yelled at Spiderman, when he realized that Spiderman was only transported to another dimension.
"Where am I? And don't worry. I don't actually give a fuck about this. I was just curious," Spiderman said.
For a while, Spiderman started wondering around the new show he was transported into.
"I don't want to look like I'm giving a fuck, but this isn't my show. It's too girlish," Spiderman said, a little bit confused by the place he was in.
"What in tarnation?" Applejack said, as she stopped bucking the apple trees, realizing that she wasn’t alone anymore.
"What in the whole wide world of Equestria are you?" the orange mare asked the latex suited creature.
"Well, I'd ask you the same thing. But I don't actually give a fuck," Spidy told the mare, raising his shoulders.
"Hoo there partner. That was uncalled for."
"If I'd give a fuck, I'd agree, but again, I don't."
"That's it, nopony gets away with it. You will be sorry for that," the mare said, before turning her back to Spiderman. Without saying any other word, she ran for help.
"Heard that before. It's not that I'd give a fuck, but I'm wondering what is she going to do."
Spiderman, not giving a single fuck, used his web to sling himself into the nearest tree.
From that point, he got comfortable on a branch, from where he could stare at the sky, and wander what was the narrator guy doing at the moment.
Suddenly, Spiderman heard a loud noise coming in his direction.
Without giving a single fuck, he ignored the six ponies that have just arrived.
"Oh, when I'll get my hooves on that filthy creature!" Rainbow Dash said mad, searching everywhere for Spiderman.
"Just, don't hurt him. Maybe he was just scared," Fluttershy tried to defend him.
"No offense Fluttershy. You're very kind to everypony, but that language isn't accepted," Twilight told the yellow pegasus.
"And after, we can throw a party!" Pinkie exclaimed while jumping behind the rest of the group.
"I'm sorry darling. But, no parties until we find that red filthy creature. Anyway, it is not ladylike to talk like that," Rarity said, adjusting her brand new hat.
"No offence gals, but I have some unfinished business. That kind of language isn't accepted over here."
"But, where is he?" Twilight asked a little bit confused, looking quizzically everywhere.
"I think that he's hiding here, somewhere. I need to ask you girls to help me buck him out of these trees," Applejack asked the other mares.
"Count on me!" Rainbow Dash answered, already getting her hooves on bucking a few trees.
"I'm sorry Applejack, but I really don't want to hurt the poor creature," the shy yellow pegasus apologized.
"Even if you're right Applejack, it's not classy to buck trees," Rarity said.
"Sorry girls, no party, no help," Pinkie said grumpy. She was definitely upset for not being allowed to throw a party.
"I'm sorry too Applejack. But I really want to study that creature once we find it," Twilight said, while she brought a small notebook and a pencil.
After a little while, Rainbow Dash finally bucked the good tree, where Spiderman was hiding, making him to fall, followed by a bunch of red apples.
"Wow. Look at all the fucks I don't give! They're just falling from the sky!" Spiderman exclaimed when he was on the ground, looking at all the apples that were falling from the tree.
"It's him!" Applejack exclaimed, mad.
"Oh, poor thing. It's hurt!" Fluttershy said, worried when she saw Spiderman falling on the ground.
"Look at me. This is me not giving a fuck," Spiderman said, leaning on the tree.
"That's it! We're taking you to Princess Celestia!" Rainbow Dash said while she and Applejack grabbed Spiderman by his feet.
"Fuck the police!" Spiderman yelled while he tried to grab something to hold himself, so he could free himself from the two mares’ grip.
After a long time, being tired of Spiderman's attitude and language, Twilight used a spell to teleport all of them to Canterlot.
"Next time, please warn us," the other mares said, a little bit dizzy, after they saw themselves teleported into the Canterlot castle.
"I'm sorry, but after he made Fluttershy cry with his jokes, we couldn't lose more time. He needs to be brought in the face of justice right now! And by justice, I mean Princess Celestia, and by in front of, I mean the same thing. On Celestia's name! He is too annoying!" Twilight yelled desperate, realizing that she was going mad after hearing Spidy for so much time.
After a short while of more not giving a fuck jokes, the mares dragged Spiderman in the Throne Room.
"Well Twilight. I'm glad you're honoring me with your presence. What's the occasion?" Princess Celestia asked, surprised by the sudden appearance of her student.
"I'm sorry Princess if we disturbed you, but we had to bring this creature to justice," the lavender mare said, pointing her hoof at Spiderman.
"What happened?" the Princess asked worried.
"Fuck the police!" Spiderman suddenly yelled, scaring the Princess.
"I understand. Well, I think we can arrange that. Just, let him go. Trust me," Celestia told Rainbow Dash and Applejack which were still holding Spiderman.
After the two mares released Spiderman, he laid on the marble floor.
"My body is ready," he told Celestia.
At the sound of his statement, Celestia skipped a breath.
"Holy fuck I'm high. I just realized that you're a two in one. Both the horse with a horn and the horse with wings. It's not that I give a fuck, which I don't. I was just thinking out loud."
Celestia was trying to keep herself calm, not revealing her true thoughts.
"My little ponies, please come with me," Celestia said while she gathered the mares to tell them something. Unfortunately, they were too far for Spiderman to hear.
"Dat ass!" he yelled at the bunch of ponies.
All the ponies felt offended.
"Rainbow Dash, Apllejack, please bring the creature with you and follow me," Celestia said told the ponies.
Without saying anything, the two mares took Spiderman once again by his feet, and took him after Celestia.
Celestia lead the ponies dragging Spiderman through a lot of rooms, finally reaching a big pair of doors.
Celestia introduced her horn in the hole placed between the doors, opening them.
The doors opened, revealing a pitch dark room. Celestia used her magic to pull a lever, lighting all the torches. The light provided by the torches revealed a huge cannon, with its mouth going through the roof.
After Princess Celestia used her magic to close the doors, she said:
"Let him go."
Still amazed by the huge iron creation, Rainbow Dash and Applejack released Spiderman, without saying a word.
"Now, you have two options: first is-" but she got cut off by Spiderman.
"Here are your options," Spiderman tried to mock Celestia's tone. "First, fuck you, I'm Spiderman."
"I see. Girls, please take him inside that chamber," Celestia said on an angry tone, using her magic to open a door, leading to the interior of the canon.
"It's not that I'm giving a fuck, but I'm not," Spiderman said, while being dragged inside the chamber.
"Now," the Princess started to say, as she was closing the door from the cannon. "Get behind me."
Spiderman took a deep breath, and exhaled on the small window on the door of the canon, making a thin layer of fog on it. Then, he wrote with his finger on the glass: "Dat ass".
"That was the last piece," Celestia said. She was very angry.
With her magic, she threw a fireball at the rope coming out of the cannon. The rope was slowly, but surely burning.
After the rope burned completely, the cannon shot, making a very loud noise that almost deafened the two mares.
"What was that?" the two mares asked, confused by the sudden event.
"The moon cannon!" Celestia said before bursting into a maniacal laugh.
As the canon shot, Spiderman was shot at the moon, crashing on impact.
