The City Of The Magistrate

by Erac

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 8561

The ponies head south to deliver a gift for the princess's, to the son of a powerful ruler.

Down in the south, past the ever free forest, and the badlands, there lies the country of Bulwark, and a large lovely city, a city of adventure. After the ponies arrive they soon find there guide, and there bodyguard has been replaced by a thief on the run for his life no less. Will he keep his word, even if he's only pretending, or will he leave them alone in this large city full of danger?

A Crossover with Dungeons and Dragons, mostly.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-11 22:53:47 UTC

In Route.

Pinkie Pie and AppleJack carried the luggage with ease as they stored it in the sleeping car their group of friends would be sharing.

“Oh, do be careful with my bag. . . my only bag,” Rarity said, still looking upset from Twilight and AJ’s insistence she pack light. Pinkie Pie, AJ and Rainbow Dash all struggled with the massive steamer trunk.

“Now, ya care to tell us why you're needin’ all this? Yeah we’re goin’ to another country, but it’s only fer TWO DAYS!” AJ emphasized the last part, ramming the large steamer trunk through the door with vigor.

“Hurry up everypony, everyone's here?”

“Yeah yeah, we’re all set to go to the land of monkeys,” Rainbow yawned bored out of her mind at the prospect of a long train ride.

“Humans,” Twilight snorted. “How many times do I have to tell you, they’re called humans, and the country of Bulwark isn’t made up of just humans. There are Dwarves, Elves, Goblins, Lizardfolk and Halflings.” Twilight paused before using her magic to pull out a large book from her bag, titled Guide To Bulwark. She hurriedly flipped through pages of the many festivals and various districts until her eyes lit up, having found what she wanted. “There’s also a lot of other races as well. . . oh, that doesn’t seem very fair.” She pouted.

“What is it?” Fluttershy half whispered.

“The book lists a large list of stereotypes associated with each race.” Twilight sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Like?” Rainbow said, leaning forward with a smile, now intently interested.

“Dwarves drink. . . a lot, Elves are dirty tree huggers, Humans are all ‘scarred’ by Discord, and Goblins are usually thieves.” Twilight said with a raised brow shaking her head.

“That’s a bit rude, you can’t completely brand an entire race or species. It’s just wrong.” Rarity said peaking over the back of the seat to better see Twilight and the book from behind.

“What’s it say about Lizard people in there?” Spike asked strolling up as he munched on a container of popcorn.

“Not much really,” Twilight sighed “Wait, it says they’re uncivilized brutes at best, and blood thirsty baby snatchers at worst,” Twilight sighed as she looked at the name of the obviously racist author. “Oh how the times have changed. . . Rarity you still have the package right?”

“Yes Twilight, I would never forget it, it’s locked away in my steamer trunk safe and sound.” Rarity said, slightly offended that she would be accused of forgetfulness.

“Good then, well let’s get settled in. It's going to be a long ride.” Twilight cheered.

* * *

Prefect Thomas was enjoying a rather large and cold mug of ale. The dwarf sighed as his relative peace in the bar was interrupted by a human being thrown over onto a table by a screeching Lizard man, he hopped off the stool and unclipped his mace before he spoke, laying on ‘the voice’ nice and thick. “You, Scale Skin, Drop the human. . . and you, put away the gun. We’re all civilized folk here,” Thomas sighed, neither we’re doing as he asked, so he laid another hypnotic, commanding layer to his voice “Drop the man, and back away, and you sir, holster your weapon immi-. . . let go of the gun!” Thomas smiled as the dazed two obliged, and they say magic is worthless.

“He Sstarted it!” Hissed the lizard man, folding his arms and letting out a low guttural growl, as the man began to speak.

“I asked him what the time was, that’s it I swear!” the man whined.

“God, is this how you two are going to act during the Festival of flames?!” Thomas face palmed, stowing his mace once again, “I swear we’ll never get any more tourists this year if my own men act like thugs!” Thomas glared at both of them, “You two are already on thin ice from that little fruit cart incident.”

“That thing came out of nowhere, we had to defend ourselves!” Said the man with a tint of irritation.

“That’s no excuse for leveling an entire building. . . gods man, it’ll take them a month just to scrape up the charred rats!” Thomas shot back silencing him, and giving the lizardman another pause.

“Alright, I thought you said we weren't bringing that up ever again,” the lizardman grumbled.

“That’s right, now when are our charges to arrive?” Thomas cast a glance at both of them, eyes narrowing as realization struck. The tall lanky human replied first with a cough.

“We didn’t get all of the paper work, but they’re supposed to be arriving some time today, around nine O'clock,” the man chuckled nervously as his superior face palmed.

“Great, now I have to try and cut through the red tape to get their passes and such, just wonderful!” Thomas grumbled as he grabbed his coat and headed out, with one last warning glare to the two troublemakers before buttoning up the jacket against the wind.

* * *

“Oh Twilight, darling thank you ever so much for inviting us to come along, oh I’ve heard so much about this city, I’ve always wanted to visit but just haven’t had a reason till now.”

“Oh, oh, I wonder what the magistrate looks like!” Cheered Pinkie Pie, “I bet he’s a really big fellow, and has lots of CANDY!”

“I hear he’s a jerk,” Rainbow Dash said, not even bothering to turn towards them as she watched the scenery roll by the train window. In the distance mechanical servants tended the fields. This made Rainbow perk up a bit, leaning against the glass she asked, “Hey Twilight, what are those. . . things?”

“Autonomous servants, Humans and Dwarves are quite notorious for creating them for menial tasks.” Twilight said as she referred to her guide book, before quickly flipping back to the page she had been on before.

“Wow, hey AppleJack heh, looks like you could use a few of those on the farm,” Rainbow chuckled, gesturing to the machines working the land as the train sped by.

“Ah have never trusted dem’ things dere’ A’sides, considerin’ the upkeep of them it’d be better jus’ to go ahead an’ hire worker ponies.”

“. . . Wait, if they're more expensive, then why do they use them?” Pinkie said from over head. Everyone simply blinked, shaking their heads before dismissing the pink pony’s antics.

“Well, they're cheap to run here because repair ponies are readily available, and fuel isn’t hard to come by,” Twilight began before thinking carefully, “It’s also got a lot to do with some of the things around here. We are pretty close to the blighted lands, and machines can be replaced, ponies can’t.”

“Oh yes, the blighted lands are very dangerous indeed. This whole region is very similar to the Everfree Forest back home. Why, even a big Ol’ Manticore would be sent running in terror from a hunter maw. . . and zombies,” Fluttershy filled in, “The edge of it’s almost as bad as the badlands.”

“Zombies aren’t real,” Spike yawned, “Twilight said so.”

pike, but it’s better if you don’t mention it once we arrive, my understanding is that the locals can be a bit superstitious,” Twilight said, re-reading a passage of her guide once again.

“Well wake me when we’re there,” Spike yawned before drifting off to sleep once again.

“How are we going to find our way around the city Twilight? It’s very big and  none of us have ever gone there before,” Rarity said sitting up to peer over the seats to her friends.

“Oh don’t worry about that, Princess Celestia has arranged an escort for us,” Twilight smiled “We’ll be perfectly fine.”

* * *

Prefect Thomas was running late again, ‘Train station at 9’ he thought sighing to himself ‘not going to happen today I’m afraid.’ He stroked his beard as he paced, waiting for the clerk to finish and hand him his papers already. Thomas was relatively tall for a Dwarf, though that didn’t matter to him. He walked to the desk once more, mace clipped to his belt, thumping against his leg as he walked. Thomas loved his mace, Leather wrapped handle, with the spikes adorning the polished round head, sharpened as best he could. Thomas took pride in his weapon as any officer of the law or dwarf should.

Thomas gave a polite grunt to get the bored looking human clerk’s attention, She looked down and replied with a disturbing level of unenthusiasm.

"Yeah? What do you need?" she sighed, it looked like she was straining not to yawn.

"Is it finished?" Thomas grumbled.

"What's finished?" Said the clerk, idly reading a book in an attempt to ignore the dwarf.

"My paperwork," Thomas grunted.

"It's been sent off to be notarized, it'll arrive by bike courier shortly." She sighed, turning each page. The book was old and torn so much that Thomas couldn’t make out the title anymore, his best bet was it was some sort of trashy romance.

"Well then, good." Thomas stroked his beard some more as he walked away, it was a bit of a nervous habit for him, really, but when it's hard to sit still it helps take your mind off things. 'Why couldn't they stick some other poor schmuck to babysit some ponies?' He thought. He looked about the office once more, white walls a lone desk and a few cubicles. A poster of a stylized oblin lighting an elf on fire caught his attention, and he had to bite his tongue to not laugh at the thought. 'The Pyro and the Pretty boy, so that play is showing again?' Thomas made a mental note of it. Maybe he would get the chance to catch it this time around yet.

The door banged open and Thomas found himself grasping the handle of his mace, the buckles holding it already loosened. In the doorway stood a young human male, a bit on the shorter side for a human, dressed in multiple pocketed brown pants and the blue jacket of a bike courier. Thomas blinked making sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him, 'Is he smoldering?' The courier strode over to the desk and reached into his satchel before plopping a package down onto the desk in front of him.

"Here, you go, rush delivery. . . through cross town's back alleys," Grumbled the courier. He smiled lightly as the desk worker signed the form and handed him his payment, her bored expression turned into a frightened one as he began to count the coins. "Your short, rush delivery is fifteen bits extra, you only paid me five." The couriers eyes widened as the clerk blasted him with surprising bravado.

"Well, you shouldn't have been so late. Also this package is burnt!" her newfound bravado died down as he glowered with rage, and Thomas prepared to step between the two humans.

"Listen, it's been a long day, I've been shot at, lit on fire, and if you can see the holes in my jacket, you can see that some assclown threw a jar of iron wasps at me. . . give me what you owe or it's going to get ugly. Fast." The courier sneered, barely flinching as the rune on the back of the clerks hand glowed red. He simply clutched the handle of his fire poker all the harder.

"You shouldn't threaten me errand boy, I'll mess you up way worse than so-" The clerk stopped as Thomas coughed loudly to gain their attention. The couriers eyes narrowed as Thomas strolled up to the two, and pressed a bag into the young man's hands.

"Take that, and a little extra for a tip. Now be off with ya before one of you be doin somethin stupid," Thomas said in his no nonsense authoritative voice. It did the trick and silenced the uppity clerk. The Courier bowed his head and said his thanks, before quickly walking out the door, muttering something or other about lizardmen. “Now, can I have my papers. Please?” Thomas strained not to give into the urge to smash the woman's drinking glass as she took a long drink, before finally handing him his paperwork.

* * *

“FE.FI.FO.FUM. GILL SMELLS THE BLOOD OF GOBLIN SCUM!” Gill boomed. The massive troll did not bother to turn sideways as he chased the green skinned thief, tearing the door frames off as he moved after him.

“Time to make some bacon, and you’re the grease, LARD ASS!” Jasper snarked back snapping his fingers in rapid rhythmic succession till his finger lit ablaze, and the fire spread along his arm. With a simple gesture, a wall of flame with a smoky gout bloomed into existence behind him as he fled, dropping trinkets as he fled.

“THIEF, STOP HIM, THIEF!” cried out an elderly voice. Jasper shot a quick glance over his leather clad left shoulder to see the deceivingly elderly looking man charging after him, right behind his massive troll bodyguard as they tore through back alleys and open doorways in a test of wits, muscle , and luck.

“OH NO!” Jasper skidded to a halt as he saw the muscular mustachioed human standing at the end of the alleyway, clad in golden trimmed steam powered armor, brass pipes barely peeking over his back and shoulders. Steam poured from the exhaust as the magically bonded armor sensed the man tense up.

“YOU GO NO FURTHER GOBLIN!” The man smiled. Jasper squealed as his mind reeled. He truly was caught between a rock and a hard place. He looked for any nearby lowered fire escapes, anything to get away. All he spied was his terrified reflection  at his feet gazing back, he began to grin even as the armored man charged him. He blasted a gout of flame straight at the puddle, and grit his fangs against the pain of burning steam, the thief took advantage of his new found cover and dashed under the man's guard, laughing at his expense as he heard the troll trip over him.

“Am I good, or am I good?” Jasper chuckled to himself as his leather booted feet sped away from the arguing trio, his catch in tow.

* * *

Rainbow Dash just sighed, bouncing a ball against the far wall of the sleeper car, listening to Pinkie gently hum a song as she worked on a scrap book.

“Rainbow, do you think there's a lot of nice ponies in the city?” Pinkie asked looking up from her scrapbook.

“Yeah, I guess. . . hey Twilight are there a lot of ponies in the city?” Rainbow narrowed her eyes a bit glaring at the egghead so firmly engrossed in her book. With a mischievous smirk Rainbow ‘accidently’ hit the purple unicorn in the head.

“OW, Dash watch where you're throwing that, you could put an eye out!” Twilight said rubbing her head with a free hoof.

“Hey Twi, are there a lot of ponies in the city?” Rainbow asked unapologetically.

“Um, sure I guess so. The cities pretty big so it wouldn’t be really far fetched to find any number of races living there.”

“All right, that’s kinda neat. . . I guess,” Rainbow said then smiled at her friend. “Um, hey Twi’ can I have my ba-,”

“No” Twilight said flatly.

“Oh come on,” Rainbow pleaded.

“Are you going to hit me with it again?”

“May-. .  I mean no,”

“Well. All right then.” Twilight smiled as she telekinetically giving the ball back to Dash.

* * *

Jasper chuckled, upending the bag of goodies onto an old table set hastily upright in the sewer maintenance area, with a grin at his glittering treasure. “Tonight I eat like a king! Well. . . I eat, anyways.” With a sigh he scooped his ill gotten goods back into their sack before running through a list of fences and pawnshops he hadn’t used in a while. ‘Ah, Silver Hammers pawnery, thats pretty close to the station, I could probably sneak through the tunnels till I get a few streets over.’ he thought to himself.

“I saw someone this way,”

“No,” Jasper whispered to himself “It’s the guild.”

“Come on, the little goblin knows better than to screw with the guild, he’s just a little later than usual in paying his dues, cut him some slack” said another voice. Jasper smiled a fang tooth filled smile.

‘Well, good to see Brainy still has a little faith in me,’ he thought, as he slinked along the side drainage tunnels.

“Wait. . . hold up that whatchamacallit. It’s beepin,” said the strange voice.

“Means we’re gettin closer.”

‘Oh dear gods! I’ve had two warnings already from the thieves guild, I don’t want them to find me! I like having my insides be inside me!’ Jasper’s mind screamed, urging him to run, but he fought back the urge and crouched lower, he knew little about the gizmos humans had, but he knew things that sensed others didn’t work very well underground, or near electrical wires. Jasper sped off towards the only maintenance tunnels he knew, he followed the tunnels headed to the Grand Station.

* * *

“Rainbow, wake up darling. We’re almost there!” Rarity cheered hopping up from her seat, eager to get the blood circulating again.

“Spike! wake up!” Twilight shot, nudging the sleepy baby dragon awake. “Pinkie, Pinkie where’d you, AH!” Twilight yelled as Pinkie Pie swung upside down outside the train window.

“Hey Twilight, you guys sure are slow,” Pinkie giggled slightly muffled by the glass. Dash seemed to perk up at this comment.

“Hey I’m not slow,” Dash said before zipping along rapidly unloading things.

“I’m up, I’m up, sheesh would you guys slow down” Spike  yawned, “Where's Fluttershy?”

“In the baggage car, would you mind going to see if she needs any help?”

“No problem,” Spike smiled, his little legs carrying him away quickly. “Oh ho ho, first thing I’m doing is sampling the local cuisine,” Spike grinned to himself as he licked his lip expectantly. He smiled as he poked his head through the baggage cars door, Fluttershy was faced away in the far corner, partially concealed by some luggage.

“Aww, aren’t you adorable?” She cooed at the bundle she now held in her forelegs.

“Um, What’s up shy?” Spike offered with one last yawn before cracking his back.

“Oh Spike, isn’t he adorable?” She said pulling back the blankets to reveal a very small green furred humanoid with long arms and blazing amber eyes of mischievous glee. Spike recoiled as it smiled at him, before smiling in turn as well.

“Yeah it is kind of cute, I guess,” He shrugged, picking up a suitcase and carrying it over head. “Come on and hurry up, we're here,” Spike called back as he hurried to meet everyone on the platform.

* * *

‘Disgusting!’ Jasper thought to himself as he crawled above the veins of the city, the utility tunnels were alway either the safest place in the city, or the most dangerous. Well perhaps not nearly as bad as the older parts of city at night, specially if you happened to have a nose bleed. ‘Damn rats!’ With a gloved clawed hand, he backhanded the rodent in front of him to the side, sending it to the greasy floor of the long snaking maze of tunnels.

“LOST HIM!” Called out the same irate voice somewhere in the distance, his voice almost lost among the sounds from the pipes.

‘Screw it, I’m not staying down here any longer, I’m headed up topside through the train station,” Jasper thought as he double timed it away from the voices

* * *

Prefect Thomas was becoming frustrated very quickly, he was supposed to have been at the train station a while ago, yet things just kept stopping him, He gave the police wagon a slap to the side as it carted off the enraged troll and some crazed mustachioed man.

“Why do trolls always think it’s a good idea to throw people, hell the other guy would have gotten away if he wouldn’t have started tearing up lampposts to hit him with,” Thomas sighed as he once again began to slowly make his way towards the train station, his package in tow. “Maybe we should spring for one of those motorized carriages.” He thought aloud to himself as he walked down the sidewalk, side stepping the odd slowpoke or two. The afternoon sun was wonderful, too bad they were going to have another rain tonight, he smiled looking up at the colorful specks already moving the clouds into place.

* * *

“Fluttershy where did you find that thing?”

“Oh, I found him in the baggage car,” She smiled even as the the little green fur ball chewed on her mane.

“Well. . . put it back, it’s probably someone's pet.” Rarity said, ignoring Pinkie and AJ as they struggled with the now extremely heavy luggage cart.

“AJ, Pinkie don’t worry about the luggage we’ve arranged for someone to deliver them to our hotel,” Twilight called out trotting after the two.

“Oh, well thats good, so where do we take it to?” AJ asked glad at no longer having to move Rarities things anymore.

“See the man in the fancy blue and silver trimmed uniform, take it over to him would you mind?” Twilight asked before turning to Fluttershy, “Shy that’s some ponies pet more than likely, you should give it to someone,”

“Alright, you're right, it’d be wrong to take the wittle guy, specially if he is someponies pet,” Fluttershy cantered to one of the humans leaned against the wall ,” Um, excuse me miss, I believe I’ve found someponies pet,” Fluttershy smiled, moving to expose the little friend she had found as he attempted to hide in her saddle bag.

“Drop that thing NOW!” The alarmed woman shouted, unholstering a silver looking boxy weapon from it’s holster, vacuum tubes along its side glowing to life with a whir.” Fluttershy gave her a confused stare.” I, I don’t understand, what’s wro-?”

“Please miss, don’t take this the wrong way but you need to unbuckle your bags and step away,” She said, moving her thumb to flip the dial, turning the tubes from a glowing red to a sunshine yellow.

“Why?” Fluttershy gasped “You're not going to hurt him are you, I haven’t done anything wrong have I?” The woman's eyes narrowed as the thing poked it’s head out of the bag and grinned wide. her eyes widened as the sparks of blue began to frizzle through its hair, and the tubes on her weapon glowed brightly, one of them even burst.

“. . . No, you’ve got a gremlin in your bag,” she spoke quickly with that her weapon discharged randomly, nearly slipping from her grasp, causing Fluttershy to stagger then fall to the floor with an “Oomph!”, as her mane to curl from the static. The Gremlin leapt freely out of it’s bag and giggled as it zigged and zagged, headed straight towards a large mechanical servant, steadily unloading luggage from the train..

“GREMLIN!” She shouted stepping over the dazed butter pegasus to fire more pulses of cascading energy at the thing as it rolled and tumbled, flinging itself skywards with a push from its powerful arms, and it landed with a thud on the mechanical hulk's head. Blue sparks emanated with it as it phased into the machine.

“Is, is that bad?” Fluttershy whimpered.

“Run. . . go, get away now!” The guardswoman yelled flipping out a vial of gray goo, and flinging it towards the machine.The vial struck the large mover in the chest even as its multi faceted lensed eyes began to glow bright red and explode. “CLEAR THE PLATFORM NOW!” She yelled dropping to one knee, two handed she sent four more rounds into the machine that was now turning towards her, gears grinding, smoke pouring forth out of slits of its iron chest plates. It let loose a soul chilling howl with an unearthly screech of twisting metal and grinding cogs it charged.

Mismatched Guides To a City

Jasper ran harder, pulling himself up one later rung then the next, each time slapping the hatch doors with frustration. ‘DAMMIT, THEY'RE ALL LOCKED!’ Jasper thought to himself, he squealed as the door came down smashing into his head, as he fell, he caught a glimpse of a berserk machines foot as the door came crashing down onto him as he hit the floor, Jasper held the hatch door tightly to him as he lay with his nose bleeding on the cold floor, gripping the hatch door as gunfire could be heard from up above.

“Hey, he’s probably gone this way, he’s trying to ditch us!” Yelled the strange voice from before.

“Dammit,” Jasper hissed to himself, the dangerous gunfight above was better than dealing with the goons below. He tried to climb the ladder with the hatch in tow, as to by himself more time, but thought better of it. “I’d happily trade all the skill with fire magic in the world for a little bit of illusion,” He sighed as he scampered up and out. He ducked down quickly to avoid a crate that had been tossed at him. He took stock of his surroundings, normally emerging from a maintenance hatch in the middle of the station would have raised suspicion if not for the machine going berserk on the platform, Jasper ducked to avoid a ricocheting bullet and hissed as one bit into his leather armor, “Dammit, that’s gonna leave a bruise,” He snarled as he ran for cover, moving to join the group of fleeing goblins.

“Over Ere’ quickly now!” One of them said, beckoning him forth. “If the watch can’t stop that thing we’re gonna try and shut it down with some concentrated firepower, try and slag the metal or blow the boiler before it kills someone,” the engineer said as Jasper was pulled into cover.

“Now hold on, I’m not gonna risk my skin for those I don’t know,” Jasper spat, these were members of the true blood clan most likely ‘. . . Idealistic fools!’ Jasper thought

“We can’t just let that thing stay on the loose, it’ll hurt someone, or worse!”

“And I might lose my job!” Cried another, eliciting a few glares from some, chuckles from others.

‘Well not all of them are like that it seems,’ He thought snickering to himself along with the others.

“You look quick on your feet, what say you rush up there and pelt it while we get into position?” Pleaded the lead engineer. Jasper paused thinking it over for a moment, then he had the most marvelous idea.

‘Can’t touch a hero, the guilds hench men aren’t stupid enough to attack if I’ve got the watch backing me somewhat,’ Jasper grinned. “I’ll do it!” His grin spreading ear to ear, ‘this is worth it just to see those engineers freak out,’ he thought.

“Good luck!” One of them said, as Jasper nimbly climbed up onto a stack of crates, and was immediately thrown by the barreling charge of the monstrosity.

* * *

The guardsman was knocked out of the way by a blur of yellow, she turned to glare at Fluttershy, “I SAID GET OUT OF HERE, YOU’LL GET HURT!” With that she rushed for cover, dragging the butter yellow pegasus with her with a free arm around her midsection, Fluttershy gaped at the women's surprising strength. They cringed as the steam powered hulk of metal barreled through a stack of crates and continued to rush down the platform, tossing foes merrily as it’s gremlin pilot took it for a joy ride.

A chorus of gunfire began to ring out as various guards began to unload into the rogue machine. Ponies, humans, and a few wayward goblin mechanics scattered as the thing let out another screech, the Gray Goo was beginning to boil and the machine was starting to lean a bit to the left, as exposed hydraulic cables were burned through, eaten by the goop. The large mechanical servant shuddered, letting out one last sigh, a dying breath of billowing steam that obscured the platform, and fell with a resounding thud to it’s knees.

* * *

Jasper screeched as he and the crates were thrown well off the platform, as he pushed himself up from his prone position he noticed an unconscious dwarf with a rather nice mace lying underneath a crate, “Hey. . . beard face. . .” He said politely trying to wake the dwarf as he poked him in the face with his boot. “Hmm, you're knocked out real good huh baldy? What’s this?! My luck isn’t so horrid after all!” He smiled as he scooped up the parcel and badge that had slid a little bit aways, He pondered tucking it into his sack that was still tucked into his belt, but thought better of it. as he scooped up the badge to pocket it. He felt a cool chill sweep across his body, as goose bumps raised across his green skin.

“Ima, no. never bein late mum,” Mumbled the dwarf.

‘Good gods, and gracious devils in hell!” Jasper thought to himself, ignoring the mumbling dwarf as his leather armor”s color changed to blue, brown with a white trimming. ‘ I look like an officer of the law!’ his moment of shock died as he saw the two figures stand up from the tunnel exit, his eyes felt itchy for a moment and he raised a clawed hand to his mouth as he saw a thin silvery outline of the weaponry the men were carrying. ‘MEAT HOOKS! What sorta sadist carries around meat hooks?!’ he thought before examining the badge he held, he paled a bit as he realized he held an prefect's badge in hand, a real one, heavily enchanted to assist an officer in the line of duty.

“It’s busted, it’s not beepin no more!” Jasper barely heard the strange, large nosed man call out from across the platform, with a wistful look at the downed dwarf, Jasper walked towards the platform with the machine. Intent on playing his part, the prefect would arrest him for impersonating an officer, but it beats being a toy for some sick mad man.

* * *

"Fluttershy are you ok?" Twilight yelled out as they rushed over to her." What was that thing?"

The Guard turned to them with her eyes narrowed, and Dash frowned as she muttered something or other about tourists. "That, was a gremlin, they flock to the city and love to cause havoc by disabling machines. They come from the blighted lands to the southeast, but with the recent effort of the guard, the watch and various other organizations we've managed to cut down on how many of them can get into the city. . . it would appear they've learned to hitch rides on the trains now." The guard sighed as she holstered her, only mostly, ruined weapon.

"How many of those things are there?!" Rainbow asked, wings unfurled to her side as her friends comforted Fluttershy.

"I assure you there aren't very many, and the city is very safe. Just stick to the main streets and come in before dark and you'll be perfectly fine." The guard smiled, “Where are you and your friends headed, maybe I could give you directions?”

“We are supposed to meet up with a Prefect, he’s to escort us around the city seeing as it’s so unfamiliar to all of us,” Twilight smiled. The women smiled back at the group momentarily, before throwing a thumb over her shoulder.

“Like him over there?” She grinned, knowing what was coming next.

“Whoa, how’d you know he was over there?” Pinkie said, as she watched the goblin in leather armor walk into view a little after he was pointed out. “Do you have wiggly feelings to?” The guard paused for a long time, shooting a glance at a few other of the groups faces. They seemed exactly as confused as she did.

“It’s the badges, there enchanted to help us out, but all they really do is help augment our senses, and we always know when another officer is around,” She grinned a bit wider at the ponies mystified reactions “I know, it’s pretty neat, huh?”

“Wow, that is neat,” Twilight said mystified, so this is how humans work magic? Her smile faded a bit as the human guard women cringed just a bit.

“You mean because of our scarred nature? We’re not totally cut off from magic, just half of where we draw magic is shattered, every human has access to only a few random aspects. . . in the best of cases,” She frowned, turning towards the goblin who was currently kicking at the downed machine. “YOU, GET OVER HERE. . . YES YOU!” The women yelled, beckoning the confused goblin towards her.

* * *

‘Dam, burnt straight through. . . where do humans get these wonderful toys? Imagine the locks I could burn through with this goo.’ Jasper pondered, relaxing, perhaps a bit too much. He was startled by the guards woman calling him forth. ‘Shit, this is going to be tough, ’ He gripped the parcel in hand and as calmly as he could, began to stroll over to them watching the two strange men who were after him shake a poor hafling before dropping him roughly to the ground, rushing out the door as a guard chased them. ‘Good, that’s one problem out of the way for now.’

“What is your name?” The women asked, standing in between him and the ponies, Jasper cocked an eyebrow at the small dragon riding the back of the purple one,

‘I thought ponies didn’t like it when you rode them?’ He thought to himself. “Jasper, my name is Jasper,” He facepalmed mentally, ‘Never had much a gift for coming up with stuff on the fly.’

“Prefect Jasper, why are you here this morning?” The women asked , arms at their sides.

“Um. . . I’m, uh. . . I was sent here for this?” He smiled sheepishly, handing the guard the package. He sneered as it was pulled out of his hands before he could let go. The women’s eyes scanned the package quickly before smiling slightly.

“Well, then. . . here they are, and it’d be best to look out for them. You must be something special for the Magistrate himself to trust you for this.” She seemed to relax a bit more.

“Wait, what the magistrate?!” Jasper asked confused, terror filling his eyes even as the purple pony trotted up to introduce herself, having perked up hearing her escort had arrived.

“Why hello, I’m Twilight Sparkle prized student of Celestia and one of the bearers of the elements of harmony. These are my friends Fluttershy,AppleJack Pinkie Pie,and Rainbow Dash.”

“Nice to meet you!” Said the bubbly pink equine, who was beside him in a flash.

“Thank you for meeting us. . . I hope it wasn’t to much trouble.” Jasper strained to hear the buttery pegasus speak, even with augmented hearing she was hard to hear.

“Yeah, nice to meet you. Why’s your face all green and junk, are you sick? Rainbow asked hovering around the now very nervous Jasper.

“RAINBOW, STOP THAT! He’s a goblin.” Twilight said, already becoming annoyed at her dense attitude.

“Woah, woah. . . what am I supposed to be doing?” Jasper said throwing up his hands in defense. The prospect of being kicked to death by pastel ponies did not rest well on his mind, neither did angering the magistrate.

“You're going to be escorting them around the city, and making sure that they are safe. These documents contain all of your passes and locations for your hotels, money for expenses, and everything else you’ll need to make sure the sun goddess favorite student is happy and safe. . . Remember guard her with your life, or face the wrath of a god. If you're really unlucky she’ll just hand you over to the magistrate.”

“Oh, right. . . easy peasy.”

“Lemon Squeezy?” Offered the pink pony, with a grin.

“Sure.” Jasper half forced a grin.

“. . . are you sure that you're qualified to do this?” Twilight frowned, looking to the guard for an answer.

“. . . well, he’s probably new, or. . .” She smiled, “Maybe he lost his comfy little desk job, after making someone mad?” She snickered as Jaspers mind raced, latching onto what she had said.

“Yep, well sort of, I had a desk job for the most part, wanted to stretch my legs. . .” He paused, deep in thought for a moment, “It’ll look better to the superiors when time for review comes up?” He offered.

“So your green in more ways than one,” She chuckled punching him lightly in the shoulder.

“Yep, so where do I take you guys first?” Jasper smiled ‘Oh, ha ha. this is just wonderful. I’ll just get these guys to their hotel or wherever and ditch them there, playing the part of babysitter isn’t going to be hard at all,’ Jasper sighed in relief as he was handed the packet once again. He smiled as he looked at the little suckers that we’re going to help save his hide for now, for some reason he felt a bit guilty looking at all those innocent eyes. . . and the scowling rainbow maned one.

“Alright, girls let’s head on out,”

“Bout time, my legs were getting stiff,” Applejack chuckled

‘This has got to be the greatest luck I’ve ever had!’ Jasper thought to himself as he followed the ponies out the door.

“Pfft. Newbies,” Chuckled the guard as she went to help the clean up crews removal of the scrapped machine.

Bad Luck and Worse Luck

“I’m hungry, what do you guys say we get a bite to eat?”smiled Spike as he rode along on Twilight.

“Spike, you’ve snacked the whole way here, are you sure you're hungry again?” Twilight said turning to give him a stern look.

“But Twilight,” He moaned “We’re on vacation, it’s not wrong to want to try new food!”

“No Spike, we can’t eat until we get settled into our hotel,” Twilight said, “Isn’t that right mister Jasper?”

“Yeah yeah, what ever,” Jasper yawned.

“. . .you don’t really act like a guardsman,” Dash said, hovering about the annoyed goblin, as the group walked down the street.

“What, what would give you that idea?” He said sweating just a bit. ‘She hasn’t figured me out already has she?’ he thought as the odd group continued down the street.

“Yeah, if we’re so important then why wouldn’t they send a carriage or a cart or something for us?” Rainbow said, eyeing him expectantly. Jasper actually knew the reason.

“Not many folks have automated carts or pony drawn carts here, nothing screams ‘important’ or valuable like riding around in something that most consider odd.” He only smiled wider as the rainbow maned pony scowl deepened.

“You seem like a phony to me,” Pinkie said, as she trotted behind him.

Jasper jumped ‘Wasn’t she in front of me a second ago?’ He questioned himself, doubting his own awareness he so prized.

“Where is everyone? I expected the streets to be much more crowded.” Rarity said as she hurried along with the group.

“Oh, we’re just taking a side street. it’s a lot quicker if a little less well lit.” Jasper chuckled.

“Um, mister Jasper. Sir, but aren’t we supposed to stay on the main streets? I mean, umm because it’s safer?” Fluttershy said in a low voice, looking about as though expecting a blow from some unseen foe.

“Nah, that’s only for really bad parts, besides this neighborhood is fairly nice, and it’d be silly for someone to attack a big group like we have,” Jasper chuckled at the expense of Fluttershy, as they passed multiple town houses, with red brick walls.

“Do we really have to go straight to the hotel? I’d kind of like to get a bite to eat.

* * *

‘What now, your saying he got away?. . . interesting,” cooed the voice, dark and velvety in tone, yet harsh at the same time. The man simply shivered as that voice sent an all too real feeling chill down his spine, even over the phone his boss sounded like he could shred his soul with a idle thought.

“Jas,Jasper will not get away from us, we just lost him in the tunnels, an, and we’ll be hitting up his usual hiding spots, sir,” The man said with a shaky voice, terror growing as it dawned on him that he could see his breath in the phone booth.

“See to it then, the guild would not wish to find three replacements, now would they?” The voice chuckled darkly, the call was forced to end as the receiver froze over, a thin layer of ice coating the phone and connecting cable of the rotary phone.

“What’d he say?” Asked the ‘brainy’, as his compatriot left the partially iced over phone booth.

“Gods, the boss scares the piss out of me! I mean that literally, only reason I’m not wet is it’s frozen!” Hissed the man, rubbing and massaging his arms to get the warmth and blood flowing through them again.

“What the hell is he anyway?” asked brainy, scratching his head as he leaned heavily against the building.

“Do I look like I know?!” Snapped the man, “If we knew we would have gotten rid of him a long time ago!”

“Be quiet, he’s got ears everywhere!”

“That’s absurd, and stop being paranoid. Asides the boss knows how most feel about him anyway. . . I think he likes it,” The man said while shivering still.

“Yeah, we better hurry and find Jasper then, and get this mess sorted out.”

“You mean hang him from the rafter,” Snarled the man as he walked along, not waiting for his companion to catch up.

* * *

“I’ve got the worst luck,” Thomas thought to himself, as a engineer slapped him on the cheek slightly, trying to get him awake.

“Sir, sir, are you alright? You were hit fairly hard on the head after all

“Wait, the ponies where are the ponies, what time is it man?!” Thomas yelled in panicked rage.

“. . .You seem to have received a harder bump to the noggin than I thought, come on and we’ll get you to the break room, and we’ll get you something nice and hot to drink while we get you a little help for your noggin.” The goblin said, helping Thomas to his feet before helping him waddle to the break room some distance away.

* * *

‘Ugh,’ Jasper thought as they wandered into the corner restaurant, Jasper following closely behind the ponies he had to pretend to protect. “Welp, here we are, just grab a bite and I’ll get you guys set up in your rooms,” Jasper smiled falsely, looking about the large restaurant, he sneared a bit the floors were nasty but the benches and tables were clean, he walked up to the counter and hopped up onto a torn, but surprisingly comfy stool. The ponies began to chatter excitedly as a small humanoid hopped up onto the small stage, as the lights in the room slightly dimmed.

“Oh, they have live performances?” Rarity asked, looking to Jasper for confirmation.

“Yeah, Hafling bards are jerks though,” Jaspers scowl deepened as the cheery little man placed the fiddle under his chin, and raised his bow just so, and soon had his companions in a frenzy with his unfairly magically laden music. “Damn ponies, you’d think they’d never heard a bard before,” He sighed, sipping on water and munching on a biscuit, it was the small purple dragon that spoke first.

“What’s your deal, you don’t seem to like being here?” Spike asked, his arms crossed as he frowned at the goblin, only slightly taller than his friend Twilight.

“Jasper smiled a toothy smile, making sure to reveal his fangs just a bit. “Heh, actually I’m a goblin thief, ya know a no good purse snatcher who’s disguised himself as a prefect to keep his old mates from guttin him like a fish,” He chuckled, and soon spike chuckled as well.

“Heh, guess it’s gotta be boring just following us around,” Spike smiled before reaching into a small bag, “Ruby?” He offered as Jasper eyed the gemstone hungrily.

“N,no thanks I can’t eat gemstones,” He cursed himself mentally for not taking it, but he had to keep up appearances, he waited till the little dragon was fully engrossed in his snack before wiping away a tear. Jasper cringed as a fragment of ruby struck against his cheek.

* * *

Rainbow had to admit, this trip really was as boring as she had thought it’d be.

“Oh oh, Dash look at the little guy on stage, he’s gonna play us a song!” Pinkie cheered, looking up from her lettuce sandwich.

“Who cares, let’s hurry up and go to the hotel, I wanna take a nap!” Dash said, before the first notes of the fiddle began to play, slow at first before winding up to a fast paced near frantic beat. Dash soon found herself unwillingly tapping her hoof.

“Um hmm, this is some fine music, and for free too, well ain’t that jus’ nice?” AppleJack smiled, taping her hoof along to the music as she ate.

“Pinkie, oh Pinkie please you're embarrassing us.” Rarity said as Pinkie had trotted on stage and had already began to sing with the jolly smiling hafling. Fluttershy was smiling and laughing along, and even Jasper was caught in the trance. so much so that he almost missed the kobolds that had slunk around the counter, attempting to steal from the ponies saddle bags.

* * *

“HEY, JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TWO AMATEUR THINK YOUR DOIN!” Jasper yelled, he looked about at the room, everyone except him and the kobolds seemed fixed in place, transfixed by the unearthly music mixing with the upbeat songs of the pink pony, currently doing the can can on stage. “Hey, hey dragon boy, HEY!” Jasper said flicking spike on the back of the head, he simply kept drumming his fingers to the rhythm of the music as it picked up speed again, a few lizardfolk had moved forward and began to dance with an elf and a dwarf as humans in the resturant stomped along to the rhythm, completely blind to amateur thieves.

“Now this is good music, “ Spike smiled humming along to the beat. He suddenly turned, grasping a tiny arm in a tight grip as another duo of kobolds made an attempt to pick his pockets and loot sack clean.

“Wait, why you know froze?!” The earmuffed Kobold gasped as its partner tried to pull out a small crossbow.

“Heh, not so fast there. don’t you know it’s not a good idea to touch hot stuff?” Jasper grinned darkly as his hand erupted in flame. Snatching away the Kobolds earmuffs, even as the kobold howled in agony, with an ‘oomph’, Jasper hurled the would be thief into his partner.

“Good music,” Replied the dazed kobold as it lay tangled on the floor with its cohort.

“Gunna warn the others!” It screeched, falling silent, a dazed expression and smile coming over its snout as Jasper reached out lightning fast to pull the earmuffs from the snatcher.

“Hey, wakey wakey jewel breath,” Jasper snickered as the confused baby dragon rubbed his eyes after he slipped on the ear muffs. His smile disappeared as Spike answered back with a resounding.

“What, hey what’s going on, why am I wea- some good music huh, think Rarity would dance with me if I asked?” Spike swooned, even as Jasper forced the ear muffs back onto his head. roughly grabbing his head and pointing it towards another set of Kobold looters raiding packs. “Wait, what’s going on?” Spike said looking to jasper for answers. He had to lean in closely and yell for the dragon to hear what he was saying over the din of the fiddle and melodic voice of the dancing pony as she flipped through the air on a trapeze. one that Jasper was certain did not exist onstage before.

“THERE’S THIEVES, AND THERE TRYING TO STEAL FROM ME!”Jasper yelled into the baby dragons ear so he could hear through his protection.

“OH, there trying to steal from us?!” Spike yelled, “Wait why isn’t anyone else trying to stop them?” Spike said pointing to Jasper who seemed unaffected.

‘Gods I do love my longstanding position in the guild,’ Jasper thought, ‘Or perhaps it’s this badge I picked up doing the work?’ He pondered before shaking his head, he turned back to Spike “You go along the left side, pop off there earmuffs and they’ll fall on their ass, novice’s aren’t immune to this stuff.”

“Right!” Spike saluted, rushing along the left side, underneath tables, patrons stomping feet allowing.

“Now to get to it,” Jasper smirked, sliding a long knife from his sleeve, it suddenly occurred to him that he couldn’t use it, well he couldn’t and keep pretending to be a prefect that is. ‘How to clobber Kobolds without bloodshed, hmm?” He paused, he grinned as he spotted a young orc dancing about on a table, a mace in his belt. Jasper slid over to him waving a cautionary hand in his face for a moment before knocking the table out from underneath him. He picked up the mace, ignoring the unconscious twitching orc, he eyed the hafling, now staring at him with sweat on his brow and worry spread along his face, Jasper silently mouthed the word ‘You,’ back towards him with a giddy laugh. pointing the mace at the halfling with a wicked grin plastered across his face.

* * *

“How dare you fiends, prepare to face the wrath of SIR SPIKE!” Spike yelled as he charged an oblivious Kobold head on, they both fell to the floor with a grunt as they collided, Spike cringed as the Kobold recovered first. . . and offered a hand to help spike to his feet.

“Be more careful, here,” the kobold looter said thrusting a burlap sack into spikes hands. “Take Sack, Loot Stooges!” Yelled the Kobold, maw open wide as he yelled more than loud enough for spike to hear through the ear protection.

“Nope!” Spike smiled as he swiped the Kobolds ear muffs, even laughing as they began to dance with his partner, even as the other screamed for him to stop. Spike happily stole away the seconds muffs before he had a chance to break his partners grasp. Spike giggled and snorted as the two began to sway ever which way to the now frantic music, Pinkies voice adding to the complexity of the song making it much stronger than before. He grinned wickedly at the now panicked halfling bard, and whispered one word “You,” He smirked as the hafling kept dancing sneaking a quick cloth to his head to wipe away his now sopping brow as his arms pressed against his now sopping wet shirt.