Dear Princess Celestia,
It’s been a while since I written a friendship report hasn’t it?
I mean, I write you almost every week, but I don’t think I’ve written one of these since Tirek. So, you might be wondering why I’m writing this now.
It’s either an apology, or an explanation. I don’t know yet.
You can always plan for anything, but that doesn’t mean things will work out. I thought I found a way to deal with this by having contingency plan after contingency plan. I had a plan for nearly everything. I had plans for the Villain acting every conceivable way.
Villian tries to separate us? Everypony has a way to shoot off a flare.
Villian tries to capture us? The Princesses have given us a reserve of power enough to destroy any cage.
Villian surrenders? Teach him about friendship.
Villian doesn’t surrender? Hit him with the Elements of Harmony.
I even made a plan for if the Villian turned out to be one of our parents in disguise in an elaborate attempt to throw a surprise party.
We had defeated Discord, how could anypony think that they could trick us? How could anypony think that they could do something we didn’t expect?
I guess because it was simply nothing we had ever run into before. Something that would have been easily preventable if the girls and I had even the smallest amount of training. It wasn’t some terribly clever trick, or even some stupid long-lost magical artifact.
In the end… It’s my fault.
I didn’t plan well enough. The girls tell me that we stopped Villian in the end. The girls tell me that it isn’t my fault.
It is though, and we all know it. I can see it in their eyes.
I could see it her eyes.
When Villian showed up, I figured it would end like every villain before him. I figured that the only unique thing about him was how stupid his name is. So, when he dropped to his haunches begging for help, I immediately assumed that some greater evil was playing puppet master. When Fluttershy went up to console him, I just… I told her to be careful. None of us… I didn’t think anypony could do that. He shot up, and with a blade he had hidden…
I’m sorry. I’m trying to write a letter. I’m trying to stay detached and objective, but it’s hard.
I always assumed that if I were to see a pony get cut like that, they would scream. It hurts, so they scream.
But there was nothing, Fluttershy didn’t make a peep. She stood there, hoof outstretched to a pony on the ground. I saw her get confused when she fell. I saw here get worried and look toward Villian when she saw the…
When she saw the…
There was so much. I think that was the worst part. Fluttershy didn’t deserve this.
I held her. I held her and I tried to help her. I cast spell after spell. I kept talking to her I kept telling her she was going to be fine.
“You’re gonna be fine Shy! Just calm down, you’re gonna be fine. I’m going to heal you, and everything will be better, and we’ll go home and laugh about this and it’ll be fine because you are going to be fine. You’re gonna be fine. Absolutely fine.”
I hit her with another spell again.
And again.
And again.
I was charging for another spell, when she put her hoof on my chest.
I thought she was about to say something, at this point I think I had accepted there was nothing I could do. Nothing anypony could do.
In books, ponies always say something deep and profound when they are about to pass.
Beethoven said, “Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.”
Nostradamus said, “Tomorrow I shall no longer be here.”
Childers said, “Take a step forward, lads. It will be easier that way.”
I prepared to hear something deep and meaningful, “It’s okay Twilight.”
Or, “Tell my family I loved them.”
Do you know what she said Celestia?
“Mom? I-It’s cold.”
Then her hoof slid down my chest and hit the ground.
I don’t know when I hit Villian with that spell. I don’t even know what spell it was. I just know eventually Applejack and Rainbow Dash pulled me away from Fluttershy.
I was still casting spells, hoping maybe she would stand up. She’s going to stand up, smile, and apologize for making us worry.
There had to be some spell that could help her. I knew that there was. I just didn’t know the spell.
Getting home, the funeral, all of that is a blur. I spent it in a daze, unable to believe the reality I had seen. Unwilling to accept it.
I locked myself away. The girls tried to talk to me for a while, but eventually they figured I just needed to be alone for a bit.
Meadowbrook’s Eighth Dark Wound Cleansing Spell.
I found it in the end.
I could have saved her. If I just knew the spell.
~~IF I KNEW ONE BUCKING SPELL I COULD HAVE SAVED FLUTTERSHY FROM DYING COLD AND WANTING HER MOTHER IT WAS ONE SPELL ONE SPELL ONE BUCKING SPELL CELESTIA I SHOULD HAVE BUCKING KNOWN AND I SHOULD HAVE SAVED BUT I DIDN’T AND IT IS MY FAULT~~
I didn’t know the spell, and the consequences of that are clear.
I mentioned earlier that I wasn’t sure if this was an explanation, or an apology. I think I’ve figured it out now.
It’s both.
I’m explaining what happened, and I’m apologizing for it at the same time.
I know exactly what you, the girls, and everypony across Equestria would tell me.
“It’s not your fault, you did your best.”
Did you know Shy’s parents told me the same thing?
“It’s not your fault, you did your best. We’re just happy that at the end, she had friends by her side.”
It’s not true though.
It is my fault.
If not because I didn’t plan for this outcome, then because I didn’t know the spell that I should have known.
I’m not sure if you have already started writing a letter back… I guess it doesn’t matter either way.
I’ve explained why it’s my fault. I’ve apologized for it.
Now it’s time for the last part of this letter.
One more apology.
Celestia, Spike, Mom, Dad, Cadence, Shining, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Starlight, Fluttershy…
I love you all.
And I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger.
Author's Note
I wrote a second thing. This one has a much less happy ending.
So again, I'm sorry for this thing.
