"I don't believe it!" Twilight shouted. "Woo hoo!" The lavender alicorn waved her forehooves in the air.
With the restoration of the Tree of Harmony by her students, Twilight Sparkle had hoped the cutie-map table would likewise resume operation. And she hadn't been disappointed. When she'd powered it up with magic from her horn, the glowing map of Equestria and its neighboring countries flickered back into place on the table's crystal surface, as if nothing remiss had happened. And there was a bonus: the map was already displaying cutie-mark icons, summoning ponies to go on a mission...
... and one of those marks was her magenta star cutie-mark, hovering in the air dead center over the map. Finally!
"It's been ages since the map last summoned me specifically for a Friendship mission. And if the map thinks it's important enough to send a Princess, it must be something really, critically, world-shakingly important. Yes!"
She suddenly came to a halt, looking sheepish.
"Umm... well, I mean... I hope it's not that desperately, world-shakingly important, because... yeah, that would be pretty terrible for whoever it is that's involved..." Then she stared at the map again, entranced. "But even so... I bet it's going to be something awesomely super-amazing and challenging! I can't wait to get started! Yay!"
Starlight Glimmer carefully hid her smile behind her clipboard, trying hard not to laugh at the sight: a crown Princess of Equestria only a hair's breadth away from prancing around like a filly. "I'm happy for you, Twilight," she said. "I really am! I can tell how much you've been wanting to get out of the castle and go adventuring yourself."
"Oh..." Twilight came down to earth. "You mean it's that obvious?"
"Only to your closest friends." Starlight smiled reassuringly. "So... where are you going exactly? And with whom?"
"I can't tell." Twilight pointed to her gleaming cutie-mark icon, hanging in the air dead center above the map. "The mark isn't indicating a specific location yet."
"And what's that other mark doing?"
The mark in question was blinking on and off, seemingly at random, all over the map. Every second or third blink it changed to something different: a pony's head, an antler, a lion's mane, a lizard-claw... though most often it was a black sphere with a stylized numeral "8" on it.
"Maybe the map's still thinking about it?" Twilight said nervously. "Trying to figure out who exactly would be perfect to go along for this?"
She stared at her own flank, at the pulsing glow of her star-shaped cutie-mark. By now anypony whose mark started flashing like that knew to head straight for the castle. But maybe it's someone like Spike, who's never been summoned before. Or maybe...
The doors to the map room crashed open.
Standing in the doorway was a creature who looked very much like a walking economy-class zoo. His various body parts -- horns, hoof, claw, paw, and wings -- were all flashing on and off randomly, like a carnival display.
Discord crossed his arms in disgust.
"Would one of you girls please tell Pinkie Pie if this is her idea of a joke, it isn't funny!"
Twilight stared at him, wide-eyed. Her jaw fell open, all but hitting the floor. After a long moment, Starlight gently reached over and shut it for her. And she didn't even bother hiding her amusement this time. "Oh, it is totally funny, Discord!"
"Humph. If we weren't past colleagues in adversity, Starlight, I'd make you regret that."
"Discord?" Twilight gasped, when she'd recovered. "The map summoned you?"
"Is that what this is all about?" The chaos-spirit trotted airily into the room. "Oh, I might have known... the little friendship-map thingy. Well, it certainly wasn't my idea."
As he approached the table, both he and Twilight ceased flashing. Twilight was gritting her teeth angrily, ready to explode. Starlight surreptitiously nudged her.
"Remember..." she whispered "...how much you've been looking forward to this..."
"Ah-em!" Twilight swiftly pulled herself together, and sat up proudly in her chair. "Discord, the map has summoned the two of us to resolve an important friendship issue!"
"Sounds positively boring." Discord flung his long body down on one of the other thrones around the table. "So why is the map sending me with you, and not somepony like Rainbow Dash? At least then I'd have a nap-buddy!" Materializing eye-shades and a stocking cap on himself, he began snoring softly.
Twilight cast a pained look at Starlight, who forced a bright smile and then motioned encouragingly with a hoof.
"I... dunno!" Twilight went on. "The map doesn't tell us why it summons who it summons. It just... does. Because... they're the right ones. To be summoned. Urhhhh..."
"Well!" Discord lifted his eyeshade to glare at both of them, "I'm clearly not the right draconequus for this. So why don't you just take one of your other little friends along?"
"Be-cause," Twilight explained, with brittle patience, "as far as we can tell only those summoned can resolve the issue. Sending anyone else won't solve it. In fact, they might make it even worse."
"Oh. Well, then. Fine!" Discord checked a ten-thousand-year calendar, then made the thirty-ton stone disc disappear. "I suppose I have a couple hours free. So where is this problem we're supposed to be solving?"
Twilight stared at the map. Discord's flickering symbol had settled down next to hers, yet both were still hovering in the air over the map, not indicating a location.
"I... don't know yet." Twilight scowled. She was feeling the way she always felt around Discord: like nothing she could say would make her feel any more confident about things than she already didn't. "The map doesn't seem to be indicating a location."
"Well, when you've figured it out, do let me know!" Discord hopped up from the chair and moved to a pile of suitcases that had just appeared next to it. "I'll just be over here... packing for the trip."
He flung open a large case on top of the pile.
And with a flash of light, Fluttershy sat up from inside it. "Oh my!" The butter-colored pegasus looked around in surprise.
"My dear Fluttershy!" Discord looked positively mortified. "I am so sorry! I did wonder what became of you after our last little trip together. Were you getting enough air in there?"
Fluttershy giggled, still surprised but clearly enjoying the joke. "Um, what's going on?"
Discord continued before Twilight could speak. "Oh, Twilight and I have been summoned by the... er... map-thing over there... to go on some little friendship quest or other. Waste of a beautiful afternoon, if you ask me. It's going to be so dull. Oh!" He brightened up. "I just had an excellent idea. We could bring Fluttershy with us! I'm sure she'd appreciate a day out, and then I'd have somepony fun to talk to. Not just Princess Eat-a-Book-Today over here." He grinned snidely at Twilight.
"Oh!" Fluttershy said. "I'm not sure I should. Twilight's always said it's the map that determines which of us should go."
"That's right," Twilight agreed. "The map always shows exactly who's needed for the task."
"Well, no problem! We can fix that in a jiffy."
"Discord, no!" Twilight shouted, too late.
Discord snapped his claw.
There was a brilliant flash, filling the room...
And then Fluttershy's mark quietly appeared over the table, floating beside the others. The cutie-mark on her flank flashed briefly too, then settled down as the map registered her presence in the room.
"You see?" Discord huffed on his claw. "Nothing to it. Now Fluttershy has to go along. All according to the rules. Can't argue with that."
Twilight nervously scanned the table's magic field with her horn. Everything seemed normal.
"Er, what did you... no, wait... how did you...?"
Suddenly, cutie-mark icons began blinking on and off at random all over the map. First dozens... then hundreds... then thousands. The glowing topographic map of Equestria spasmed, flickering and glitching. The entire magic image flatlined into a gleaming plane... then winked out. The normal hum of the table when it was in operation died away again, with a disquieting finality.
"Discord!" Twilight frantically scanned the table with her magic, then dove beneath it to examine the crystalline projectors from beneath.
She came up again, glaring daggers at him.
"Do you realize what you've done! You've broken the map! And it only just started working again!"
Discord's eyes went wide. He stroked his goatee fretfully. Then as usual, he retreated into an air of offended diffidence. "Well really, Twilight! You can hardly blame me if the silly thing is defective. All we did was add one more pony to the roster and it flips out. I'd ask for my money back if I were you."
"Urghhh! This is just great! Now we not only don't know who's really supposed to go on this mission, we have no idea where to go either!"
Discord raised an eyebrow.
"Seriously, Twilight? You are supposed to be the Princess of Friendship, aren't you? You shouldn't need some magic pachinko Ouija board to help you find a serious friendship problem, hmmm?"
Twilight clapped a forehoof to her head, eyes shut tight, ready to scream. She took several steadying breaths.
Then she looked up at Discord. Smiling. "You're right."
"I am?" He looked astonished.
"Yes. We'll just have to do this the old-fashioned way." She looked at Starlight. "Can you take care of things here until I get back?"
Starlight nodded. "You can count on me, Twilight. I'll let everyone know where you've gone... er, once you figure it out yourself."
"Right!" Twilight turned back to the others. "Discord!"
"Twilight?"
"Teleportation... multiple locations. Try to keep up!" She gave Starlight a quick wink, and Starlight returned it. Then Twilight's horn sang, and she disappeared in a blinding wash of magenta brilliance.
Discord was taken aback. "I must say, she's gotten better at that." He glanced at Fluttershy. "Well, Fluttershy? Shall we?" He held out his paw.
"Um... yes! Lets!" She took hold with her hoof.
Discord gave Starlight a genteel tip of his claw. "Ta ta, Starlight!" Then with a flash of light, he and Fluttershy vanished as well.
Starlight just shook her head. "This... should be interesting to hear about later. Assuming they don't just end up killing each other..."
In the Canterlot Royal Forum, directly in front of the gates to the Palace itself, passing nobles were startled by a brilliant flash of magenta light. Before their astonished eyes, a Princess materialized.
Twilight glanced around quickly at the astonished faces. Not seeing anyone impressively diplomatic busy arguing or fighting, or avoiding talking to one other, she tossed her head, horn flaring. She disappeared in a burst of magenta fire.
There was some discreet, cultured comment about this amongst the passers-by. In general, however, they chalked it up to the usual inexplicable eccentricity of the royals, and carried on with their all-important social lives.
In the Heroes' Forum of the Crystal Empire, shaded by the ice-white spire of the Crystal Palace itself, Twilight flashed into view. She was standing close to the Crystal Heart spinning gently in its sconce. Ahead of her she could see the massive statue of Spike the Brave and Honorable, standing on its plinth in the middle of the Forum.
Glancing around at the surprised crystal ponies and wandering tourists, Twilight saw no clear sign of Princess-class friendship issues there, either. She tossed her head again, her horn flaring, and vanished in a sweep of magenta light.
Hippogriffia was next. The hippogriffs in the town center atop Mount Aris were startled by a blaze of magenta light. They barely had time to register Twilight's presence before she grumbled loudly, tossed her head, and disappeared again.
Fortunately, she remembered to hold her breath this time. She blazed into existence in the grotto beneath the chandelier-like underwater palace of Seaquestria. Glancing quickly around at the astonished seaponies, Twilight frowned, then tossed her head. In a wash of light and superheated water, she vanished.
The other kingdoms followed in their turn: Yakyakistan, Griffonstone, the Changeling Hive, the Zebra village, the Buffalo reservation... even the Dragonlands, more for completeness' sake than from any real hope the issue was there.
Then the cities: Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Baltimare, Dodge City, Appleloosa, Klugetown, Los Pegasus, Vanhoover, Rainbow Falls. It took a couple of attempts to triangulate on Cloudsdale, but she eventually located it. And left seconds later, with a raging growl of disgust.
Then smaller towns and settlements: Starlight's village, the Pie family's rock farm, Horseshoe Bay. Even the shady Dark Town on the far side of Canterlot Mountain. (*)
And each time Twilight departed with an increasingly loud, tortured groan. Not merely because the search was becoming immensely frustrating. Even with Twilight's skill with spell-casting and alicorn-level reserves of magic to draw upon, world-spanning teleportation like this was really starting to hurt...
Eventually, of course, she ran out of obvious places to check.
Discord and Fluttershy caught up with her in Trottingham. On a side-street. In a pub.
Twilight was seated in a booth, sipping a cold ginger-beer, with an ice-pack on her head to help soothe her raging horn-ache. The others silently joined her, and Discord quietly materialized drinks for himself and Fluttershy.
And then he tsk-ed, gently.
"Speaking as one entity of astonishing power and brilliance to... well, somepony else..." He smiled with snide benevolence. "Twilight, you're going to burn yourself out if you keep this up. I could have told you from the start that it wouldn't work. You're not going to locate a friendship problem by just jaunting around at random."
"But when the map summoned me..." Twilight winced, rubbing her temples with her hooves. "I assumed it would be something obvious, something really important, a Princess-class problem!" She glanced around wearily. "Although right now I'd be happy if it was just two pegasi foals arguing over a Sky Bar. That's about all I'd be able to handle with this headache."
Fluttershy quietly nudged Discord. She tipped her head toward Twilight.
Discord sighed. "Oh, well! Never let it be said I let the side down."
He snapped his claw. And Twilight removed her ice-pack in astonishment, feeling much better.
"Thanks!"
"You're welcome." Steepling his paw and claw, Discord eyed Twilight. "Mind if I have a go this time?"
"Go ahead. What do you suggest?"
"Well... instead of chasing all over the place trying to find whoever it is who has a problem..." Discord gestured grandly with his paw. "Why not just bring them all to you?"
"Uh, wait a minute..."
But Discord had already snapped his claw.
In an eye-scorching flash of light, the entire population of Equestria, as well as all of the dominions around it, were instantly gathered together into a single vast enclosed stadium, hundreds of feet high and over a mile in diameter. There was a stage platform positioned square in the middle of the darkened central field, spotlit by enormous Klieg lights, with a microphone on a stand at its center.
And Princess Twilight Sparkle was standing behind the microphone. She stared out into the darkness, weak-kneed, looking at the beyond-capacity audience. They in turn eyed her from the stands in surprise, as well as rapidly mounting outrage.
To her right she saw Discord and Fluttershy standing beside the platform. The pegasus had buried her snout in her pink mane, covered both with her forehooves and wings, and was shivering uncontrollably.
Discord, wearing a stage director's suit and carrying an official-looking green ring-binder, glared at Twilight over his pince-nez glasses and gestured curtly at her. Get on with it!
Clearing her throat, Twilight gently tapped the microphone. She winced at the gentle feedback squeal that resulted, and eyed Discord in annoyance.
Then she decided that two could play at this game. Stepping away from the microphone, she stood tall and proud... and mentally dialed the knobs on her Royal Voice all the way up to eleven.
AHEM! ... oh wow, great acoustics... UM. MY DEEPEST APOLOGIES TO ALL OF YOU FOR THIS INCONVENIENT INTERRUPTION. I'LL KEEP THIS BRIEF. COULD I QUICKLY ASK IF ANY OF YOU KNOW OF A SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP PROBLEM THAT NEEDS ADDRESSING? I MEAN, SOMETHING BEYOND THE USUAL KIND OF SIMPLE DISAGREEMENTS, SOMETHING THAT WOULD NEED SERIOUS, ABOVE-AND-BEYOND INTERVENTION TO SOLVE?
She glanced around, hopefully.
ANYONE? ANYONE AT ALL?
The audience members were looking at each other in stunned disbelief and confusion. Yet no one spoke up. The entire intelligent population of Equestria looked back to her in silence... and collectively shrugged.
Discord was outraged. He clambered up onto the stage, stormed over to the microphone, and grabbed it up.
There was a piercing, headache-inducing feedback squeal.
"WELL!" he shouted into it. "THANKS FOR NOTHING! YOU'RE NO HELP AT ALL! YOU'VE BEEN A TERRIBLE AUDIENCE! THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!"
He pointedly dropped the mike.
Then he snapped his claw and the audience disappeared, presumably sent back to whereever they'd each been snatched from.
Somehow Twilight managed to keep herself from dissolving into a shivering, quivering blob of relief. Then she hurried over to give Fluttershy a reassuring hug. "Is it over?" Fluttershy moaned, too frightened to look.
"It's over," Twilight reassured her. "It's just us now." Then she glared up at Discord, still standing on the stage.
The draconequus was looking uncharacteristically glum. "I honestly felt sure that would work," he said quietly. Materializing a reclining chair and a pipe, he flopped down on the chair, comfortably and pensively. Bubbles floated up out of the pipe.
Twilight helped Fluttershy up. Together they climbed back on the stage, then trotted over to the chair. At their approach, Discord suddenly looked up, as if astonished they were still there.
"Oh! Fluttershy! I do apologize. I didn't consider how that might affect you. Just got caught up in the moment, I guess."
"It's all right." She managed a weak smile. "It was worth a try."
"But maybe next time," Twilight grumbled, "you might try, I dunno... asking first?"
As usual, Discord wasn't paying attention. "Clearly we need a re-think here," he said. "A new approach. Some really paradigm-breaking, out-of-the-box, buzzword-compliant thinking..."
Suddenly, he clapped his paw to his forehead.
"By me! I've got it!"
"I'm almost afraid to ask," Twilight said. "What?"
"You know what we really need?" Discord smiled at her. "A mental-health break to recharge our creative juices. Some down-time to take the pressure off. We need... a vacation!"
"We've been at this for half an hour, tops."
"No time like the present, then!" He snapped his claw.
As spa resorts went, it was above average. Rarity would have approved.
The resort building was set on the shore of a sparkling blue sea, with ivory-white beach sands and palms gently waving in the light breeze. There was a brick deck with an infinity pool. There were endless comfortable lounge chairs, and attentive staff ponies trotting about with drink trays and spare towels. There was a volleyball net on the beach, and a buckball ring as well. There were speedboats and jet skis, and buckets and spades for the foals. And behind the patio in the main building itself, there was a casino wing, and a club area to one side of it from which the sounds of soft jazz were wafting.
Twilight found herself wrapped in a comfortable sun-robe, her cutie-mark on the pocket, leaning back in an enclosed lounge with a tempting-looking, multi-layered novelty drink sitting by her hoof.
Leaning forward, she saw Discord and Fluttershy similarly ensconced in their own lounge chairs.
"Discord..."
"Shhhh!" He motioned with his paw, not even opening his eyes. "Just relax and enjoy the moment, Twilight. No cares, no worries. Why, I get some of my best thinking done like this."
"It is very nice," Fluttershy agreed, sitting up to look at him as well, apparently completely recovered from her fright. "Why haven't we come here on any of our little trips, Discord?"
"Well to be honest, Fluttershy..." He patted her forehoof. "Since we became friends I really haven't felt the need."
She giggled. "Go on!"
"No, honestly! Our weekly get-togethers for tea have been all the vacation I need from my oh-so-hectic lifestyle!"
"Oh, puh-leeze, Discord." Twilight shook her head. "What hectic lifestyle? You never do a darn thing you don't want to!"
"And you can't imagine what kind of pressure that is," Discord retorted. "Having to come up with something startling and new every hour of the day. I mean, startling for me... and I've seen it all! But when I visit Fluttershy here, I know I can leave my cares in her gentle hooves. She always has such wonderful ideas for our time together."
"Well, thank you, Discord!" Fluttershy said, blushing. "It's nice to know you feel that way. Speaking of which... um... can I make a suggestion?"
"But of course!" Discord replied.
Twilight nodded. "Go ahead, it'll probably be better than anything we've come up with."
"Well... the idea of reaching out to those who might need help makes sense, but maybe we need to do it more gently, so no one feels under any pressure. You know, like those advice columns in the newspapers. Ponies can write to us, tell us how they feel, and we can write back to them, help them figure out their issues..."
"Yes, well," Discord interrupted. "That's all very thoughtful, Fluttershy. But that would take simply ages, and I'm sure Twilight wants to get this whole friendship thing resolved and out of the way just as quickly as we can. Sometime this century at least, before she has to be imprisoned in the Canterlot Archives for going insanely evil and attempting to enslave the entire world by making friends with everyone..."
He put a paw to his lips, looking embarrassed. "Oh my! Sorry, that just slipped out. Can't take me anywhere. Just forget I ever mentioned it. After all, Twilight, it's never good to dwell on what might happen, right?"
Twilight gave him a look. "Gimme a break, Discord. If you really could travel in time we'd all be in the compost heap. Quit trying to wind me up!"
Discord smirked at her, and then at Fluttershy.
His smirk faded, seeing the downcast look on her face. "Um... you're right," she said quietly. "It was a silly idea, really..."
Discord looked pained, and uncomfortably cleared his throat. Then he gently patted her hoof again.
"Well... it certainly couldn't hurt to see how it might go..."
He snapped his claw.
"And I'm not interested in excuses!"
Princess Twilight Sparkle, Editor in Chief of the New Canterlot Times, stamped her forehoof and glared at the cringing advice columnist, huddled in his chair behind his tiny desk.
"But, Your Highness!" Discord shivered. "We simply don't have the staff to open and read all these letters! I've been working as hard as I can! I haven't gotten more than three hours sleep a night for the past few weeks!"
"You know what you are, Discord?" She stabbed a hoof at him. "A slacker! I've seen you wasting time chatting around the water-cooler with my assistant. When you're supposed to be on the clock! Solving friendship problems!"
"But there are so many ponies writing in, asking for help, guidance, a nudge in the right direction!" He grabbed a sheaf of letters in his claw, and another with his paw, and waved them desperately. "And we haven't been given any guidance on which problems we should focus on! Which are the really important friendship issues! The ones worth publishing and answering!"
"Are you trying to tell me... that you haven't read the book I wrote on the subject?" Twilight's wide-eyed glare was terrifying to behold.
Shivering, Discord dropped the letters. They scattered on the floor about him. "Almost." He grinned weakly. "Nearly. I mean, I'm up to Volume Seventeen already..."
"There are six hundred and fourty-five volumes!" Twilight thundered. "And you know it! And there are plenty of other starving advice columnists who'd be more than happy to have your job, Mister Discord!"
Discord's shoulders hunched. "Yes, Your Highness... I know there are."
"So get cracking! Get reading! And get answering those letters! We're supposed to be solving problems here! Right now, all I see is you being one!"
"I'll get right on it, Your Highness! Right away!"
Frantically, Discord scrabbled through the letters on the floor, and those on the desk, trying to shuffle them back in some sort of order.
Twilight swung away and trotted back toward her office, glaring at anyone who dared to get in her way.
Her pegasus assistant, Fluttershy, fell into step with her.
"Um, I wish you wouldn't be so hard on Discord," she said quietly. "It's not his fault he gets distracted so easily."
"Distracted don't feed the presses, Fluttershy," Twilight growled. "We're not a charity here -- we're a business! Organized, professional! No one's going to accuse us of letting things go to wrack and ruin!"
"Um, yes. I suppose you're right. Erm... can I just ask you something?"
"Make it quick, Fluttershy. Got meetings to attend today, you know."
"Didn't you ever want to just go somewhere fun, do something completely spontaneous? Go on an adventure, see the world a bit?"
Twilight paused, looking thoughtful.
"Now you mention it, yes I did, once. But that was when I was young and foalish, before I was handed the responsibility of running this paper. No time for that sort of thing now!"
"Well... I know that's how Discord feels sometimes. That's why he struggles with his job so much. Because deep down he wants to travel around, talk with ponies, have adventures. He wishes he could move up to doing field reporting. But with the constant pressure of keeping the advice column running, he's overworked. He has no time for anything else."
"He gets his two weeks off like everypony else. He can go have adventures then."
"Oh. Well... Um..."
"Fluttershy, I've told you before. If you have something to say, spit it out."
"Uh. Yes. You're right." She dug into the folder she was carrying in her hoof, and came up with an envelope.
"What's this?" Twilight asked, taking hold of it with her magic.
"My resignation," Fluttershy said quietly, unable to meet Twilight's shocked gaze. "Actually, it's both Discord's and mine. You see... we're... we're running away, Twilight. Yes. We're going to do all those exciting things together, Discord and I. And I told him if I couldn't make you see reason, I'd go along with him."
And now Fluttershy did look up.
"Because I want to have adventures too! I want to do all the crazy things Discord talks about, see all the sights just like he does!"
She held out a hoof.
"And I know you do too, Twilight. Why don't you come with us? It would be such fun, the three of us adventuring together, just like old times..."
Twilight looked at Fluttershy. Then looked down at her hoof.
She reached out for it...
... and then hesitated...
With a shocking suddenness, like being jolted out of a dream by a ringing alarm clock, Twilight found herself back at the resort and staring at a surprised-looking Fluttershy... and an embarrassed-looking Discord.
Discord glanced about uncomfortably.
"Ah. Yes, well. No idea where all that came from. But perhaps the advice column idea isn't quite the solution we're looking for. Eh, Fluttershy?"
"I suppose not," she agreed. "Not if it would have us so overworked and unhappy. But thanks for giving it a try anyways." She sighed. "We'll just have to keep thinking, coming up with ideas."
"In a bit, certainly," Discord agreed. "But right now..." He leapt up from his seat. "I feel like a bit of para-sailing, just to help loosen up the old creativity. What do you say, Fluttershy? Want to give it a go?"
"Oh, of course! Uh, if that's all right, Twilight?"
"Sure, go ahead." Twilight waved a hoof, forcing a cheerful smile. "I'll just hang out here for a bit and relax. Unlike Discord, I recharge my creativity best by sitting in one place... quietly!"
Grabbing Fluttershy's hoof, Discord hauled her after him. Together, they hurried down the flight of steps leading to the beach, where the resort staff were already readying the parasail and its tether-boat.
Twilight picked up her drink in her magic, and sipped it thoughtfully.
Her thoughts kept going back to the vision, or illusion, or whatever-it-was that Discord had conjured up around them. It had felt so real, so immediate. As if the emotions she was experiencing were something she actually felt strongly, deep down.
And she knew for a fact that she didn't feel that way.
True, Discord could be a Princess-level royal pain in the flank sometimes. Yet the most Twilight had ever wanted was for him to just buzz off and leave her and her friends alone. Even with everything he'd done, she'd never want to see him humbled and humiliated like that. She'd never want to confine him to a desk-job, if it wasn't what he really wanted to do.
And... if Fluttershy had made her an offer like that... to abandon the hectic, paperwork-bound life and go along with them... to go do exactly what Twilight herself always wanted to do... She'd never have hesitated, not for a second.
So where did all that come from?
Maybe from Discord himself? Twilight thought. But why?
Was that the way Discord actually felt about her? Discord always seemed to take a perverse delight in needling her, goading her, as if getting his own back for some slight she'd inflicted on him. And she couldn't understand what it might be. Apart from using the Elements of Harmony to defeat him and turn him back to stone -- which he'd totally deserved at the time -- she couldn't think of any reason for him to have that kind of grudge against her.
But maybe, she realized, that's the problem. You've never asked.
She'd never asked what got him so wound up all the time around her, why it was that the two of them were so often at odds, even after he'd apparently gotten onto relatively good terms with the other Element bearers.
She'd never bothered. It had simply never occurred to her.
Sounds like a friendship problem to me! she thought.
Her heart sank. She flopped back in the chair, disgusted. "Am I really going to have to make nice with him?" she asked aloud. "Is that what this is all about? This is the amazing, exciting, challenging friendship mission that I've been waiting to be sent on for friggin' moons?"
She glanced up at a passing staff pony, who had stopped to stare at her. "Don't mind me. Just venting here."
He nodded and moved on.
Twilight put her face in her forehooves and groaned.
And then she squared her shoulders, got up from the chair, and threw off the robe. I am the Princess of Friendship, she told herself. And if it's that serious a friendship problem then... well, as Rainbow might put it, sometimes ya just gotta suck it up and take one for the team!
But first, she quickly finished off the drink. A little chocolate-malted courage never hurt.
Then she trotted down the steps onto the sun-warmed sand, and over to where Discord was helping to strap a blindfolded Fluttershy into the parasail harness.
"Discord," Twilight said.
"Hmmm?"
She sighed. Gotta own this one, believe it, make it count.
"I'm sorry we don't get along as well as we should. After all, you are trying your best to be friends with all of us."
"Twilight, whatever do you mean?" Discord looked surprised. "We get along just fine! It's always such fun palling around with you girls!"
"Well, you and I never seem to be able to stop getting under each other's skin. And if there's something on your mind that makes it difficult for you and me to get along, then... well, I'd like to help resolve that if I can. Because I do want us to be friends, and I'd hate to think I was the one keeping us from getting there."
"Oh?" Discord eyed her suspiciously. "Who are you, and what have you done with the real Twilight Sparkle?"
Still blindfolded, Fluttershy reached out a forehoof. Then she realized she'd completely missed, and waved it about until she connected with his arm.
"Discord, I think she's suggesting the two of you might be the friendship problem."
"Really?"
"Right," Twilight said. "And, well... maybe we need to settle our differences to resolve it. If so, I'm open to that."
"Oh! Well... I don't know..."
"Please, Discord?" Fluttershy lifted her blindfold, and fixed him with a nine-hundred-kilowatt Adorably Pleading look.
Discord gave in. "Oh, all right. If that's what it takes." He drew himself up formally. "Princess Twilight! I apologize for being such a pain all the time. For constantly antagonizing you at every opportunity. For going out of my way to make your day utterly insufferable every time we meet. For..."
"Um, Discord." Fluttershy gave him a look. "I don't think that's helping."
"It isn't?"
"Twilight's coat isn't usually that shade of dark purple."
"Oh. Ah, yes, I see what you mean. Well. Long story short, Twilight, I'm sorry we don't get along as well as we should. And if there's anything I can do to resolve that, I'm more than happy to."
He put out his claw -- first turning it palm up to show there were no trick buzzers or other pranks. "Friends?"
Twilight got control of herself, and shook with him. "Friends."
Discord nodded. And then he looked around curiously. "Did that do it? Was that enough?"
Twilight quickly checked her cutie-mark. She wasn't blinking. And neither was Discord.
"AAAAARRRGGGHH!" she screamed. "You mean that wasn't it? I just apologized to the most low-down, insufferable, inconceivably overbearing creature of utterly disruptive chaos for NOTHING???"
Discord had drawn back in surprise. But far from looking offended, he looked tolerantly amused.
"Well, don't hold back, Twilight. Tell us what you really think! After all, good friends are honest with each other, right?"
Twilight face-hoofed. "Sorry about that, Discord. I guess I just really had my hopes up. It was a bit of a long-shot. And apparently that wasn't the friendship problem."
"Oh, well! Think nothing of it! We'll just have to keep looking."
Fluttershy looked uneasy. "Mmmm... you don't think it has anything to do with me, do you?"
"How could it?" Twilight stared at her. "You and Discord don't have a friendship problem. You get along just great!"
"Well... I did get included in this map mission, so maybe..."
"Only because Discord meddled with the table and forced it to include you. Right before it broke." She eyed Discord crossly, then looked back at Fluttershy. "The only reason you're here is because he dragged you into this."
"Oh. Well, yes. I guess you're right." Fluttershy fell silent, her head down, her shoulders hunched.
Discord rounded on Twilight. "Now look here, Princess Books-a-Lot, I don't mind you picking on me, far from it. I delight in our little verbal sparring matches! Immensely so! But leave Fluttershy out of this! I brought her along because she's a good friend and likes a bit of adventure now and then. And what's more, she knows how to be a good friend by nature. Unlike you! You always treat friendship like an equation to be solved, like a problem set out of the back of one of your textbooks."
"What?" Twilight glared at him.
Fluttershy drew back nervously. "Um... I'll just be over here..." she whispered.
"And you'd know all about true friendship, wouldn't you?" Twilight shot back.
"... hiding under this chair..."
"You just turn the clouds to cotton candy, plant hundred-year plunderseed vines, run off to play toady to every second-rate villain who shows up --"
"Tirek, second rate?" Discord raised an eyebrow.
"We defeated him, didn't we?"
"Fair enough."
"And don't change the subject! You turn everypony's lives completely upside down, then flit off back to your chaos realm or wherever you're going to next, leaving us to clean up after you!"
Discord crossed his arms. "Well, at least I know enough to bring along a real expert on the subject of friendship!"
"EXPERT!"
"... eep! I'm not here. Really, I'm not!"
"Which of us figured out how to make the Elements of Harmony work? Which of us figured out Star Swirl's greatest spell? Which of us figured out how to open the chest that created the Friendship Castle?"
"After I practically giftwrapped the answer for you by bookmarking your Journal?"
"When you could have just told us outright, rather than leaving us to figure it out? And I'm not even through yet! Which of us founded a school expressly dedicated to teaching Friendship?" She glared at him. "Expert! Hah! You lookin' at me, Discord?"
Discord was unmoved.
"And out of yourself and Fluttershy, which of the two of you was finally able to reform the single most powerful, most chaotic, most unruly of entities -- and yes, you are looking at me, Twilight! -- using nothing more than her own innate kindness?" He smirked. "And don't you just find that incredibly galling, Princess-of-Friendship Twilight?"
"Galling! You want to hear what I really find galling about you?" She paused, trying to decide which out of the hundred things that came to mind most merited being screamed first.
And in the tense silence, they could clearly hear Fluttershy's quietly miserable whimpering...
"... oooh, please don't be angry because of me. Please don't..."
Discord turned to look at her, astonished. He quickly snapped his claws, teleporting her into his arms. And gently hugged her.
"We're not angry because of you, Fluttershy!" he assured her. "Perish the thought!"
Twilight reached up a hoof to stroke her back. "Absolutely not! How could you even think that? Discord and I are cross with each other, not with you."
"It's just that, well... like I was saying, you might be angry with each other because of me. I mean, you've never felt entirely comfortable with Discord and me being friends, Twilight. I know it's only because you're looking out for me, but still. And he gets offended with you, because you're uncomfortable and he doesn't think that's fair."
"What do you mean? I'm totally okay with you and Discord being friends... um... well, mostly."
"Mm hmm. See what I mean?"
Discord suddenly held Fluttershy up at arm's length, staring at her in astonishment. "Fluttershy! Do I understand you correctly? Are you saying Twilight is jealous of us?" He gave Twilight a delighted leer.
Twilight's eyes went wide. "Um. No. Just... no. Absolutely not. In a word, ewwwwwwww...."
She suddenly looked surprised.
"...ooouuuuu might be on to something here, Fluttershy!"
"Oh, really?" Discord snapped his claw.
In a moment, they were all seated around a cafe table in Prance, on a romantic moonlit night. Fluttershy was wearing a smart looking beret and looking on, astonished, as Discord held Twilight's forehooves and gazed into her eyes. There was a rapt, sickeningly heartfelt look on his face.
"I had no idea you cared, Twilight..."
Twilight eyed him back, coldly.
"Discord, we're friends now. And I'm okay with that." She shook loose her hooves. "But let's just keep it on that level between us, all right?"
Discord sniffed, sounding mildly hurt. "Agreed!" He snapped his claw again, and the cafe vanished. They were on the resort beach again.
"So," he went on, "what exactly did you mean?"
"I'm not the one who's jealous, here," Twilight said. "But someone is. Someone that you know, Discord. Someone for whom I've been a stand-in all this time. We've been at loggerheads precisely because you've been using me as a substitute to vent your frustrations, instead of talking to the one you should have been talking to all along."
Fluttershy blinked. "Oh, who's that, Twilight?"
"I have no idea." Twilight eyed Discord sternly. "But I bet Discord does!"
"Ah. Yes." He tapped his claw- and paw-tips together. "Well... it's a long story."
"We're on a Friendship mission," Twilight said. "And I happen to be the Princess of Friendship. So we've got all the time in the world, Discord!"
"But that's just it! It would take all the time in the world. It's a really long story... as in, as long as the age of the universe."
"Uhhhh..." Twilight paused, looking worried.
"Oh, all right." Discord smiled brightly. "Quick travel-postcard montage coming up!"
1:1 In the beginning, there was the One, perfect in itself. And nothing changed, from age to age.
1:2 Then part of the One rebelled, and for its insolence was cast out. It became Discord, the aspect of Chaos, eternally struggling against Harmony, the aspect of order and friendship.
1:3 And their struggles fractured Harmony into the Ten Thousand Things, creating Time and the Universe, and maintaining them as we know them, down to the present day.
1:4 And yet... Harmony has been gradually restoring itself, bringing its essence back together. In the present age, it has resolved itself to the Six Elements: Laughter, Honesty, Generosity, Loyalty, Kindness, and Magic.
1:5 But one day, Chaos itself will be reconciled with Harmony. And then all will return to the One.
1:6 And once again, from age to age... nothing will change.
The lights came up. Twilight found that the three of them were seated in the audience at a theater with an immense, dome-like ceiling, on which the stars of the night sky were still faintly visible.
"I love these planetarium shows," Discord said. "So educational! And if I get bored I can fall asleep and no one will notice."
They got up, and wandered out through the gift shop.
"Are you kidding me, Discord?" Twilight finally said. "You're claiming that you personally brought about the creation of the universe, by rebelling against order and sowing chaos and disharmony?"
For some reason Discord was wearing a reversed buckball cap, hoodie and baggy cargo pants, and had dark sunglasses on. He lifted the glasses to peer down at her. "Well, I can't take all the credit. Now that you're all here, you ponies and other mortal creatures are doing just fine creating chaos all on your own, without any help at all from me."
"So," Fluttershy said, "the friendship problem is between Discord..."
"... and Harmony," Twilight confirmed. "In other words, the rest of creation, as embodied in the Elements of Harmony. And that's why, when the icons appeared over the map-table, they appeared in midair, not at any specific location... because they weren't sending us anywhere. They were indicating Harmony itself."
"I see." Fluttershy nodded. "Well, how do we find Harmony? Oh, wait... the Elements were back on the Tree of Harmony, right? At least, until it was destroyed..."
"And the students restored the elements, along with the Tree itself, when their friendship transformed it into the treehouse they wanted to build." Twilight nodded. "So I'm betting that's where we need to go -- to the treehouse... the new form of the Tree of Harmony."
Discord was looking distinctly uncomfortable. "Are you sure we absolutely have to, Twilight? I mean..."
"Discord, the map picks ponies... and others... because they have something to contribute to resolving a friendship issue. In this case, you're the one with the friendship issue. And I..."
She smiled proudly. "I'm the pony who's going to make you face it!"
"Oh, really?" Discord smirked rebelliously. "And just how are you going to do that?"
Twilight's smile broadened. "Because until we do resolve this, you are not going to be shut of me, Discord. Harmony isn't going to let you out of this one, and neither am I. And remember, I'm an alicorn. You're going to be stuck with me until the end of time, if that's what it takes!"
Discord frowned petulantly at her, his arms crossed. Then he sighed. "Fine."
Twilight nodded. "So... the Treehouse of Harmony? If you would?"
"Oh, very well." He raised his claw. "But don't blame me!"
The ruined foyer of the Castle of the Two Sisters, deep in the Everfree Forest, was suffused with a feeling of calming warmth. The crumbling flagstones and jagged walls shimmered in the bright glow streaming from the leaves and branches of the crystal treehouse that stood massively in the center. The very air itself seemed to vibrate softly, as if only a moment ago someone had spoken a word of great importance and power, and the echoes were only just fading away...
Discord peered up at it nervously.
"Oh, well! Looks like it's still asleep. We'd better go..."
Twilight stamped her forehoof. To her surprise, Discord gave in and stayed put, casting an annoyed frown at her.
And then, almost like a reverse explosion, brilliant shimmering energy coalesced out of the air itself and descended to the ground before them, forming a sparkling three-dimensional projection...
... that looked just like Twilight Sparkle.
"Woah..." Twilight stared. "The students mentioned having seen a projection of me, whenever the tree's spirit spoke to them. Maybe there's more of a connection here than I thought!"
Harmony -- or at least her image -- regarded each of them with a mild, slightly distant gaze... it made you want to look over your shoulder to see what it was you were missing.
The gaze settled on the draconequus. "Discord?"
"Oh, Hi," he replied weakly, with a tiny wave. "It's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry, would have written but, you know, things have been really chaotic lately..."
"Have you finally tired of running away?" she asked. "Can we finally put our differences behind us? Are we finally to be reconciled at last?"
Twilight suddenly felt cold. Wait a second. If Discord and Harmony are finally reconciled... then that's it! The universe is over! Omigosh! What have I done? Am I about to bring an end to everything, just because I had to go on one more friendship mission?
But Discord was waving his claw. "Oh, I wouldn't go that far. There's still far too much to do and see out here. And I know that you've got a few pieces left to put back together yourself. So I'm not about to rush things."
Twilight found she could breathe again.
Discord went on. "Truth be told though, I have missed you a bit," he said. "It's just not been the same. Well, except when I hang out with Twilight and her little pals... then it's just like old times! The arguments! The sheer chaos! The fun!"
"I am pleased that you have found some friends, at least. You are making progress."
Discord reached out his arms and snagged both Twilight and Fluttershy in a crushing hug. "Well, what can I say? I've gone native! These little mortal beings can be such fun to be with. I mean, once you learn they're not just playthings to be manipulated."
"Gosh... thanks, Discord," Twilight grumbled.
"Don't mention it, er... what was your name again? Starlight Twinkle or something?"
Harmony stepped closer. She peered at Fluttershy with an intensity that made the pegasus cringe nervously.
"You should be proud, Fluttershy," Harmony finally said. "You've managed to reform Discord in ways that I have never been able to accomplish, in eons of trying." She shook her head. "It's... quite the achievement really, considering how incorrigible he has been."
And then she sighed. "And I have envied you, I must admit. The closeness you have with him, which I can only remember and wish for again, I envy you that. And I do apologize for it!"
"Oh!" Fluttershy looked surprised, and relaxed a little. "Well, I'm just glad I can help. He's such fun to be with!"
"He is indeed." Harmony gave Discord an almost Twilight-like glare. "And you have the patience of a goddess, Fluttershy, in feeling that way about him!"
Twilight exchanged a glance with Fluttershy, behind Discord's back. "Do I really sound like that, when I talk about you and Discord?"
Fluttershy tilted her head back and forth, considering it. "Well... a tiny bit, maybe."
"I'm so sorry, Fluttershy!"
"It's okay. I always know you're just looking out for me, which is what friends do."
"And Discord," Twilight added to him, "I'm sorry if you've gotten the idea I don't approve of you and Fluttershy being friends. I don't have an opinion here. It's not my call to make. I am glad you two have so much in common... or un-common. Whichever."
Harmony nodded, emphatically. "How could I fail to follow such an excellent example? I too am regretful, for being impatient with you, Discord. You must find your own way, we both know that. And you have already made a good beginning."
"You really think so?" Discord asked, brightening up.
"You've established a firm friendship with one of my Elements, which is an excellent start. But you have such a long way to go." She shook her head sadly.
"Don't I know it! But I like to savor the journey, we both know that."
Twilight looked back and forth between them. "Huh?"
"For us to be reconciled," Harmony explained, "Discord must make his peace with all my elements. And yours will be the most challenging of all, Twilight Sparkle!"
"For him?"
"For you."
"Oh." Twilight looked seriously put-upon for a long moment. Then she shook herself. "Well!" she said brightly. "That means I've... got something to look forward to! Uh... I guess..."
"Oh, don't worry, Twilight!" Discord said. "We'll be the best of friends..." He waved his paw vaguely. "... eventually. Best not to overthink it. We'll figure it out when the time comes."
His paw landed on her withers. He eyed her craftily. "It's always fun saving the best for last!"
Harmony's image stepped closer to Twilight, placing a forehoof on her shoulder as well. "Be patient with him, Twilight Sparkle. You have already done so much for him, and I am grateful. I am proud of you... proud that you are the bearer of the Element of Friendship Magic. I could not ask for a better representative."
"Well... uh...," Twilight whispered, with a bashful smile, "thanks!"
"All right! Okay!" Discord said loudly, waving his arms disparagingly. "Before this gets all schmaltzy and one of us starts singing or something... what do you say we go grab a pizza? Make an evening of it?"
"It's still afternoon," Fluttershy pointed out.
Discord snapped his claw. The sun set, and the moon rose.
He looked around, somewhat guiltily. "Don't tell Celestia or Luna I did that. They get so touchy, and I'm only trying to save them a little effort. I mean, really!"
Whirling about, he strolled off, without a backward look...
... with his various body parts blinking on and off.
"Uh, Twilight?" Fluttershy pointed to Twilight's mark, and to her own, which were both flashing the recall signal as well.
"Looks like we're done here," Twilight said. "Well... it might not have been the map quest I hoped for. But I'm glad we worked it out."
"And I'm glad I was able to help, after all," Fluttershy said. "Even if I wasn't supposed to be here."
"You know, I'm not so sure of that." Twilight shook her head. "Discord thought he was bolluxing things up by forcing your icon onto the map... but I think it's actually what needed to happen. You helped us find the real issue, and helped Harmony and Discord see what was troubling them. And having you along kept me from blowing my top at Discord more than once. I was wrong, Fluttershy... you were supposed to be part of this mission."
"Thanks, Twilight!"
Then Twilight looked at Harmony. "And I'm glad to have finally met you. Personally, I mean. I know you've been working behind the scenes on our behalf: the Pillars, the Tree, the Elements, the Friendship Castle, my students... but it's not the same as actually being here, actually being able to talk with you."
"I will always be here, should you wish to consult me," Harmony replied, smiling back in a way that Twilight found eerily familiar. "But right now, you should go join Discord, and celebrate. The three of you have so much to talk about yet. And the century is still young!"
Fluttershy beamed. "Shall we, Twilight?"
"Yeah, lets! It's been a while since I've had really good pizza."
Nodding to Harmony, she and Fluttershy both trotted after Discord. Harmony watched them depart. And then she faded away, back into the warm glow surrounding the crystal tree house.
Later that evening, after filling Starlight in on the events of the day, Twilight was busily examining the map table. "Drat!" she grumbled. "I forgot to bring Discord back here to help fix this thing. Well, no matter. If it's just a technical issue, I think can handle this."
Starlight drew back nervously. "Uh, Twilight, are you sure..."
"Piece of cake!" Twilight said, firing up her horn and ducking under the table to get a better angle on its projectors.
Several small explosions and a large puff of smoke later, she came up again, coughing, her mane lightly singed. "Bleah. Okay. Maybe not. Starlight, would you mind asking Fluttershy to see if she can persuade Discord to come lend a claw here?"
Starlight eyed her. "Um... maybe you should go ask? That was kinda the point of this whole thing, wasn't it?"
Twilight stared back at her. Then she rolled her eyes and groaned. "Fine. If anypony needs me, I'll be over at Fluttershy's cottage."
She trotted to the door. Then she stopped and looked back. "Starlight?"
"Yes?"
"I'm the Princess of Friendship... and headmare of the only educational institution devoted to Friendship in all of Equestria...."
"And..."
"AND I REALLY HATE BEING SCHOOLED!"
Twilight stormed out, grabbing the doors in her magic and slamming them shut behind her.
Starlight smiled after her, and turned back to her clipboard.
"Yeah. We've kind of noticed that about you, Twilight!"
The End
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and indicia are the property of Hasbro.
No infringement is intended. This story is a work of fan fiction, written by fans for fans of the series.
Author's Note
Strange but true story: the very day I was going to publish the original version of this story, it so happened that -- completely independently -- SuperPinkBrony12 published his excellent story When the Tree Talks.
Yeah... synchronicity is bunk, but it still happens sometimes...
I held off publishing, just so the two stories wouldn't be competing with each other. And then Season 9 happened, and the Tree was destroyed, so I shelved it for a bit. And then they brought the Tree back, practically the very next episode, and so I was able to tweak the ending a bit so it's canon again and still works reasonably well.
So here it is at last. Enjoy, all you fellow Discordians out there!
--- LDT
