Author's Note
This piece is heavily inspired by the song Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens. To clarify, this isn't a songfic, not in the strict sense of the word. The song and the story it tells deeply moved me the moment I heard it, I played on loop on Youtube for hours and this story was born. I highly suggest you listen to it while reading this, I really think it adds to the narrative. Anyway onwards with the story. (Please comment!)
Supplication
The girl searched the playground hopefully for a partner in her new game, her purple pigtails swinging in time with her head as she scanned the open yard. After a moment of fruitless searching, she finally saw a boy sitting by himself under a tree. She jogged over to him and smiled brightly, with hope sparking in her heart, she introduced herself. “Hi! My name’s Starlight Glimmer! Who are you?”
The boy remained silent, continuing to stare down at his fingers.
Not to be defeated, Starlight sat next to him, trying to catch his gaze and continued with, “Come on, don’t be shy! What’s your name?”
Finally, in barely more than a mumble, the boy answered, “…Sunburst.”
Starlight grinned, having broken some ground with him she decided to try and accomplish her original goal. “Let’s play together, Sunburst!” she said enthusiastically, still trying to meet his eyes with hers.
Sunburst pondered this for a little while, weighing the cons between playing with a girl (those cootie-infested creatures) and spending the rest of recess alone. In the end, catching cooties didn’t seemed so bad. “…what are you playing?” he asked suspiciously. He wasn’t about to play some girly game.
Taking his question as a definite yes, Starlight stood up happily and explained her simple game. “I’m a travelling wizard about to fight an evil dragon, but I need the help of another wizard to stop it!”
Something about the grinning girl made Sunburst feel less lonely, and he found himself drawn to her. Besides, being a wizard sounded cool. Fighting a dragon definitely wasn’t girly. He could probably even like this game. “With what?” he asked, looking questioningly into her eyes.
“With a magic staff, of course, silly,” Starlight explained patiently, looking at the ground and picking up two branches, she handed one to Sunburst and ran off towards the monkey bars with the boy in toe. She climbed the top of the monkey bars and waited there, legs dangling.
“What are you doing?” Sunburst asked, gazing at her in confusion.
“I’m looking out for the dragon, quick, practice your magic so you can kill it!”
“Okay,” Sunburst said uncertainly. He picked up his magic staff and gave it a experimental, half hearted wave at the empty air. “Like this?”
“Yeah, but you have to mean it!” Starlight said, frowning a little bit. With a look of mock-terror, she lifted her hand to her mouth and said, “Uh oh, Sunburst, watch out! The dragons coming to get you!”
Spurred by her imagination, Sunburst charged at the gigantic dragon with a fierce cry. He dodged its fire breath and casted an ice spell, effectively stopping it in his tracks. After a moment of uncertainty, not knowing how the game was supposed to end, he asked, “Did I kill it?”
Starlight beamed at him and leapt off the monkey bars. “Blast him off in to space!” She ran over and hugged him, despite his protests, she grabbed his wrist and lifted it in the air, “All hail Sunburst, the great and powerful wizard!”
“What’s the matter Starlight?” Sunburst asked, frowning at the tears running down his friend’s face.
Starlight just sniffled in response, trying to hide her face and wipe her tears away.
“Come one, talk to me,” Sunburst urged, kneeling in the grass in front of her and grabbing her shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
Starlight was silent for a while, only breaking the silence to sniffle or hiccup, but she eventually explained, “Adagio made fun of me.”
The name of the playground bully immediately alarmed him. He began to get worried; he knew how mean Adagio could be. “What did she do?” He demanded, his thoughts already headed towards revenge. No one hurt his friend and got away with it.
Starlight shook her head, “It doesn’t matter.” She tried to smile, and the forced aspect of it just enraged Sunburst even more. He decided that it didn’t matter what Adagio had done to her; the mere fact that she had made her sad was reason enough for payback. He stood resolutely and searched the blacktop for a distinctive patch of blond hair and a sharp nose. Spotting his target, he started to walk across the playground, his eyes burning fiercely.
“Sunburst, where are you going?” Starlight asked, watching him stomp away. “Sunburst?” she called again, only to see him run and tackle Adagio to the ground.
“I can’t believe you did that,” Starlight whispered quietly, shyly, as she watched the other kids playing through the window. They both had been sentenced to a recess time-out for the Adagio fiasco, as had the bully. The blond was currently being accompanied to the nurse’s office to put a bandage on her scratched knee; she and Sunburst were alone in the quiet room until the teacher came back with her.
“Well, she made you cry,” Sunburst shrugged, somewhat embarrassed, as he poked at a new bruise on his arm.
Starlight smiled warmly at him and hugged him from behind, surprising him. “Sunburst, you’re my best friend,” she declared.
“Really?”
“Yeah,” she said, removing her arms and going back to watching the kids from the window.
A minute later, she felt Sunburst shyly hugging her back. He turned to her and said, with a little smile, “You’re my best friend, too.”
“Sunburst?”
There was only silence.
“Sunburst, can you…did you hear me?” Starlight asked quietly, squinting at the moving pixelated image of her friend on her smart phone.
Sunburst cleared his throat and blinked his eyes. With a forced, humorless laugh, he began haltingly, “I don’t think I did, actually. I must be mistaken, because I thought you said you had bone cancer, and that’s impossible.”
“You heard me perfectly fine, then,” Starlight said sadly, having gotten over her own denial only hours ago.
“But, but that’s not right, that can’t happen,” Sunburst sputtered, running a hand through his hair and gripping the strands fiercely. “It can’t, it can’t happen to you, Starlight. This isn’t fair, you’re only seventeen for fuck’s sake, it’s just—”
He paused as the sounds of broken sobbing leaked from his phone’s speaker, even with his faulty internet connection, he could see the tears streaming down his friend’s face.
“Oh no, no, no, Starlight, I’m sorry,” Sunburst said remorsefully, mentally kicking himself. He clearly wasn’t making her feel any better with his rambling. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, please don’t cry, I just—”
“I’m so scared, Sunburst,” she choked into the camera, and he saw as she wiped the tears from her eyes only for more to fall.
“It’s alright, Starlight,” Sunburst said firmly, gathering strength within himself and attempting to project it through the phone’s camera. “I’ll be there the entire time, as soon as you get home from the hospital. No,” he said, changing his mind and grabbing his jacket from the back of his desk chair, “I’m going to walk there right now and start being with you just that much sooner. Hold on, Star, I’ll be right over.” He waited until he saw her nod as she uttered a strangled ‘okay’ from the other line before hanging up and heading for the door.
In her room Starlight broke down and sobbed wildly, clutching her phone with a white knuckled grip and clinging to the sound of his voice.
“I joined a bible study group,” he said, lazily running a hand through her hair, reading the page her hand was poised on.
“You did?” she asked, lifting her eyes from the words.
He nodded, staring off into space. “We do a lot of prayers, and every time we do, I only pray for you. I kinda hope that if I do it enough, God will get tired of me and heal you just to shut me up,” he said with a little laugh, and she laughed along with him. He tried not to show it, but there was tension in his eyes. He turned to her, hopeful, and asked, “Do you think it’s working, Starlight? Are you feeling any better?”
Starlight couldn’t bring herself to dash that hope. “Yeah, Sunburst. I really am,” she said, smiling and taking his hand in hers. “Thank you.” They sat in comfortable silence for a while, but neither were able to drown out the beeping monitors and the distant sounds of weeping. With a mischievous smile, Starlight turned to Sunburst and, squeezing his hand, said playfully, “I guess you being so annoying finally paid off, huh?”
“Whatever,” he scoffed, smirking. “You don’t even know how annoying I can be.”
“Oh really? I’d say I have a pretty good take on it,” she said teasingly, tapping him on the nose. Without warning, his hands attacked her sides, sending her into helpless peals of laughter.
“Sunburst!” She gasped out between laughs, trying to send him a verbal retort. “You…you…hahaha!” But she was helpless against his fingers, and he grinned at her efforts to push him off, even though both knew she wanted him to keep on tickling her.
Finally, he released her, relishing in the laughter in her eyes and the blush on her cheeks. Daringly, he said, “You know, I could probably be even more annoying, if you wanted?”
“And how’s that?” Starlight asked exasperatedly, her chest still heaving from all the laughter.
In answer, Sunburst leaned forward and kissed her.
“So, what do you say?” he asked as he drew back, nervously searching her eyes for reciprocation, the possible repercussions of his actions only now beginning to register in a flash of panic.
With a tender smile, Starlight lifted a hand and traced the outline of his face. “I guess I could put up with you,” she sighed as she pulled him towards her; next to her bed, the heart monitor beeped furiously.
“You’re leaving the hospital?” Sunburst repeated, ecstatic. “That’s great news, Starlight!” He grinned at the camera and pumped the air, doing a victory dance inside his head.
“Yeah,” Starlight laughed, mirroring his grin. “It’s only for the weekend though, they’re afraid to let me out of their sight for too long.” She added, careful not to break his joy too much.
“So,” Sunburst began, and she could see the scheming glint in his eyes and voice. “In sight of your newfound freedom, do you feel like going to a mild, conservative party with your brilliant yet dashingly handsome boyfriend?”
Starlight laughed and translated. “In other words, do I want to go to a wild, rambunctious party with you?” His assenting laugh gave her all the answer she needed. Gratefully, she continued. “I’ve been stuck behind white walls and the smell of ammonia for the past weeks; do you even need to ask?”
He gave another victory shout and they both laughed, after a few moments of silence he spoke again, his voice thick with emotion. “Starlight, I really…I’m just so happy that you’re getting better. You mean the world to me, you know?”
Starlight had to keep herself from breaking. “…Yeah, Sunburst. I know,” she finally managed. She did know, and it killed her.
Starlight wrapped the sheet closer around her, stunned. “Sunburst, I’m scared,” she finally admitted, running her fingers through her mussed hair absentmindedly.
Next to her, Sunburst stared off into space, his face pale.
“Did you see his face? I've never seen him so angry before, he’s going to kill us!” Starlight said nervously, biting her nails and staring at the still open doorway, so recently vacated.
“You mean he’s going to kill me,” Sunburst said with a shaky laugh, “I’m the one who robbed his sweet little girl of her innocence, aren’t I? I’ll probably be lucky if he only castrates me and watches me slowly die in a vat of acid,” he mused darkly, running a hand over his face.
“Come on, that won’t happen,” Starlight chided him, taking his other hand in hers.
“But it could,” Sunburst affirmed, his eyes glued to the doorway, like one could stared at the gallows. “Did you hear what he said?”
“He only said ‘Get dressed and come downstairs immediately,’ it can’t be that bad, right?” Starlight said comfortingly, twining her fingers with his; it was as much for her own comfort as it was his.
“But did you hear how he said it? He was looking right at me, and I could see the million and one ways he wanted to kill me, no joke Starlight,” Sunburst said, but he chuckled as he said it, and Starlight laughed too.
Shyly, in the wake of the laughter, Starlight turned her eyes away and asked, “Do you regret it?”
“What, last night?” Sunburst questioned, and she nodded. “Why, do you?” He asked quickly, his heart hammering.
“No!” Starlight said firmly. There was absolutely no regret in her heart; there was no time for regret. “Do you?” She asked him back, and for a moment she was terrified.
“Absolutely not,” Sunburst said softly, turning to look at her. He lifted their twined hands and kissed the back of hers, latching his eyes onto hers as he did so. “I-I love you, Starlight,” he said, and her heart broke.
“I love you too, Sunburst,” Starlight choked out, hugging him and hoping he saw her tears as ones of happiness.
“Starlight, what’s the matter?” Sunburst asked, bewildered. Starlight had come home from the hospital again, and he had snuck through the window to see her collapse into tears on the floor. He moved to try and comfort her, but she dodged away, hurriedly shoving her feet into her sneakers.
“Sunburst, I just can’t…I can’t do this to you anymore!” She wailed, fumbling for the doorway through her blurry vision.
“What are you talking about?” Sunburst asked, following her down the hallway with concerned.
“It’s not fair!” She punctuated, trying desperately to tie her laces with her stupid, reckless fingers.
“What isn’t?” Silence. “Tell me, Starlight!” Sunburst yelled to her turned back.
“I…can’t. Just…just don’t follow me!” She screamed, abandoning her untied laces and bolting out the door.
After a few moments of indecision, Sunburst walked determinedly out the door, shutting it with a soft click behind him.
He found her face down on the sidewalk a few blocks down, her body writhing in pain and tears of agony running down her face. He was beginning to understand now that the pain echoing from her limbs was from far more than a stumble to the concrete. Silently, he picked her up in his arms and carried her back to the house, the truth sinking into him further with every step. He held her closer.
“Are you in a lot of pain?”
“No,” she said, and he almost believed it.
“Stop lying to me.”
“…Yes,” she admitted in a whisper, closing her eyes, two tears leaked out from beneath her lashes.
“You’re…you’re not going to get better, are you?” He asked, hating the answer he knew would come.
“…No,” she admitted heavily, and he held his head in his hands.
“How much…how much time do you have?” He finally managed to ask, still hiding his face—hiding his pain from her, she was already in so much agony.
“Not much,” she said sadly. “That’s why they let me out. I insisted. I wanted to see the real world again before…before it’s too late.”
“I’ll stay with you, Starlight,” Sunburst said firmly, taking his hands away and looking right at her eyes. He hoped she could see the love and the stubbornness there, both of which would keep him rooted to her side.
“You’ll have to go back to school tomorrow. It’s okay, I’ll be right here,” she said bravely, smiling at him. The forced aspect of that smile made him hate the world. He wished there was some physical way he could restore her happiness this time; if only he could tackle this stupid disease to the ground, too.
“Who cares? None of that matters right now,” Sunburst said, wrapping both of his hands around her own young, beautiful, promised filled one; it was so frail under his fingers. “I’m staying with you. I lo—”
“Don’t, don’t say it, please,” she whispered, biting her lip and inhaling sharply. Starlight didn’t want to be reminded of what she was leaving behind. She knew it from more than simple words, anyway. She smiled at him, a trembling gesture despite her efforts, and wondered if she could take the memory of his face with her into death.
Even when the nurse kicked him out of her room at night, he sat with his back to the door, listening to the various machines attached to Starlight; with every beep, he knew she was still breathing. He talked softly to her through the door, and he hoped she heard him in her sleep. He hoped she knew he hadn’t left her side. Eventually, his eyes dropped shut and he drifted into sleep.
Days went by in this manner, or so Sunburst guessed. There wasn’t a very accurate way to keep track of time in the hospital except for his forced ejections from Starlight’s room. Every night he slept against the door, and so far (either from lack of noticed or a blind eyed sort of pity) he hadn’t been confronted by any of the staff.
One morning, Sunburst woke up slouched strangely in a chair; the nurse had begun moving him in the mornings so she could check on her patient. Something seemed strange though, and at first, he couldn’t place it. His heart sank as the nurse walked quietly out of Starlight’s room and left the door ajar. He knew what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth.
The machines in Starlight’s room were silent.
Sunburst walked towards her house in a dreamlike daze, not even noticing his unkempt appearance and untied shoes.
Soundlessly, he opened the front door with the key hidden under the potted plants and walked inside, heading for her room. He sat down on her bed, running his fingers mindlessly over the cleanly-made sheets. He stared around her room, trying to soak up pieces of her from the walls and the objects scattered across her desk. Slowly, he lifted a hand to his face and was startled to find tears there. Had he been crying?
Shakily, he rose to his feet ad stumbled into her adjoining bathroom. He leaned over the sink and splashed his face, gasping at the coldness. After a moment, his arms failed him and he sunk to the floor. He sobbed against the sink, hot tears cutting down his face as he cried like a wounded animal. He knew this would eventually pass, but at this moment he felt as if he could sit here forever and just drown himself in memories of her. He didn’t care if her father came home from his business trip to find him there. He didn’t care if he ever moved from this spot, so long as he could surround himself in all he had left of her.
The cold winter air, struggling to hold onto spring, bit into Sunburst. He wrapped his star printed jacket tighter around himself, unwilling to leave just yet.
“You know what’s funny?” he started, turning his head to the side, “Adagio came to the funeral. She’s actually not that bad, I guess, I still don’t completely forgive her for making you cry all those years ago, but then again…we might not have become best friends otherwise, right?” He paused, fiddling with the gold flowers in his hands. “I wanted to give you these, but I’m afraid the wind will blow them away, you know? I know they’re your favorite.”
Sunburst suddenly snapped his head forward, searching her gravestone hungrily. After a moment, he relaxed; he could have sworn he saw her sitting there, smiling and breathing, from the corner of his eye.
With a sad smile, he walked to the headstone, he kneeled and stuck the flower stems forcefully into the grass; they fluttered wildly against a strong gust of winter air, but did not become loose. Sunburst closed his eyes, imagined her smelling their sweet scent gratefully beside him, and smiled. He stood and brushed his pants off, turning to leave.
“Goodbye, Starlight,” he whispered into the winter.
As he left, he paused and bent down, picking up a fallen stem from the grass. He spin it idly between his fingers; he imagined that she, somewhere, dangled from the top of a set of monkey bars, waiting for him to come after her.
