No Horns Allowed

by Blackbriar

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 7 (EqG), Profanity, My Little Pony: The Movie, Violence, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Anthology, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure, Equestria Girls, Sex
Length: 6156

There's a not often visited pub in Ponyville that's run by a less than civil cook.

Taking place roughly a week before episode one we're going to see the world through the eyes of a very old, and very disgruntled pony cook that just wants to be left alone. Each book will cover a season up through Season 9 when it finishes.

First Entry into the Bitterverse.
1 Chapter a day until my fingers give out.

Published 2019-02-25 06:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-28 05:30:46 UTC

Apéritif

On a brightly colored planet, in the vast darkness of space there lies a continent. On that land mass you’ll find a plethora of multi-hued equines living in parched deserts, swampy marshes, marble entombed castles, and simple brick buildings. In one town of 13 there is a particular building that few creatures equine or no are allowed to enter. Not because you must be brave, find it’s hidden entrance, but because the owner of this business is a racist plot hole. I’m not passing judgement here, those are his words, not mine. But this proprietor has made three fairly easy to make mistakes in where his shop currently resides.

It is located with in 100 yards of Ponyville Town Hall, which just so happens to be 42 feet inside the conjunction of 3 major ley lines that run across the Equestrian Continent.

The buildings main entrance is in the alleyway, which it shares with Sugar Cube Corner, whos popularity has led to long lines often obscuring the singular sign at either end with sugar starved zompoines ignoring much else around them.

It’s on the same plane of existence as Twilight Sparkle, and that’s a hazard all on it’s own. As the future Princes of Property Damage will be remembered in the History Scrolls.

Aforementioned intolerant business owner is a peculiar specimen of equinity. Lacking much in the way of color or eye catching appeal he’s traveled the towns market every day it’s open largely unmolested for as long as Chief Regulation has been keeping the peace. His taxes are paid, he has a stable of regulars, and pays for everything in bits in equine. If the City Hall hadn’t been leveled multiple times over the centuries due to one accident or disaster certain discrepancies might have come to light. Like how the business is third eldest still standing behind the School House and Library respectively. Or his property taxes are paid for by the Crown, signed and sealed by Sol Invictus Princess Celestia of the Everbright Sun herself. Or that the building has not changed owners since the Dark Resurgence, an era that started when Tsuki Invictus Princess Luna of the Everdark Void was banished to her realm on the Moon. But such is the case when one keeps records on scrolls that last for a few decades at most that are one toddler unicorn surge away from being turned into ash.

Our story takes place 1 week before the 1000th Summer Sun Celebration, held in Ponyville, in that business of dubious origin. When an Earth Pony, a Griffon, a Dragon, and Minotaur walk into a bar.

A sickly olive coated stallion kicks open the door with familiar force to to prop it open.“Close up early Berry, we’ve got guests that require privacy and I’ll be serving them myself.”

“Suuuuure Boss, you’re going to tend bar, the only time you life a glass is to empty it.” the purple mare snarked, quickly going silent when her employer was followed in by strangers. “Hey, what’s the deal?!? You said I couldn’t bring my marefriend and that minotaur has horns!”
Rolling his eyes at his sole employee as she busies herself with counting back her till and dropping the bits into the safe he points a hoof at the sign reading “No Horns Allowed: No exceptions!” “You’re marefriend is a unicorn Berry, and that’s what that rule is for. We don’t serve those here, and it doesn’t say just unicorns because there are other species that have them. But as I can vouch that absolutely no magical mumbo jumbo is going to come out of Steel Reserves head adornments I’m allowing it. You’re getting paid for a full days work despite it being noon, now sod off to snog it up with Amethyst Star or whatever you do in your free time. I’ve got things to do!”

Snagging a bottle to go she bucks the door closed behind her locking it, “What a racist plot hole!” she mutters under her breath as she makes her way to the Market Square.

“All zis time und you still bear zat grudge for Amaranth mon ami?” the griffon asked with a sigh, taking a seat at the small but well polished bar, taking the Crimson Heart Gimlet from the pony behind the bar.

A fierce glare quickly melts into a his usual frown as a tall, ironically named pony keg is slid before the Minotaur, an acrid smoking flambe’ cocktail to the dragon, and finally a fruity rum drink for himself. “I actually let everyone in for a few decades about 300 years ago, but some nosey Canterlot Inspector just had to stick his nose into my kitchen and well, they say he got most of his cognitive function back before he died. . .Celly was not happy about that one. . .”

“I would imagine not!” the female drake barked a laugh as a ring of smoke O’d from her mirth across the bar to hit the sign dead on. “If I recall his family was an offshoot of a noble family, and one of his descendants is a prince now or something. You hear more than I do Sweet Bread.”

“Zat would explain zis Blue Blood's penchant for scandal und stupidity, generational compounded brain damage. I ztill marvel at how even zlight zteps can cauze beeg ripples,” Sweet Bread mused.

Downing his cocktail in one the pony pour himself another as he started making small platters of things to gnosh on that all four races could pick and choose from. “Enough prattle, I’ve waited a Goddess Cursed Milenium for this week and I didn’t invite you four from across the planet to come and drink my booze for free.

“Four?” Steel Reserve questioned.

“Gentlemen, lady, Blackbriar and I welcome you to my Town,” Mayor Mare grinned stepping out of a both, taking the last seat at the bar and drinking a tall glass of lemonade.

“Yes, the Four Stars, and a legal witness. Let’s plan how to deal with our Employer coming back after having so solidily failed her and come up with a good enough reason for her to NOT erase our souls from existence or banish us to someplace without air, or worse, alcohol. Burnt, ideas?”
Sharp claw chipping away at the ice cube in her drink Burnt Grill mused the question over, “I would say trying to appeal to her better nature, but the last idiot that did that wound up at the bottom of what’s now Horseshoe Bay, about 2 seconds after it was formed for the first time. Did you know they still say they see phantom fireworks in the sky at night after all this time of that guy exploding? Lulu definitely knew how to punish a foal for screwing her over.”

“ Zo eff diplomacee iz out, perhapz wee zurender ourzelvz for punizhment? Ze uzed to zay that to run from a unicorn you only die tired.” the griffon grumbled, finishing off his beverage.

Scoffing at the idea of just rolling over Briar topped off a new drink for Sweet, “I didn’t live through the Discordian Era, the Dark Ages, the Neo-Celestial Purges just to bend my neck for cutting at the first sign Lulu is back. I won’t judge you lot for pulling a runner, you’ve got family and legacy. But I’m not going anywhere. I’ll take my lumps when the big black broad comes back.”

Now more than a little worried, Mayor pipes up, “You lot seem to be under the impression that trouble is coming to Ponyville regardless of your actions. As the local magistrate responsible for budgeting damages should I be overly worried about an Old Mares Tale?”

The remaining four just stare at her, and pound their drinks in silence. As more than a little sweat starts to form on the dun mares brow. “She’ll appear in the Everfree and then go straight for Canterlot, right?”

“No,” the quietest chewing minotaur stated after swallowing his cracker.

“You see Mayor,” the drake grinned with too many teeth, “the first thing the Boss is going to do once back on Equus is reform her body. Then she’s going to go after her Sister, then us. See, the problem is, I just so happen to know where the Summer Sun Celebration is being held this year.”

Flipping open her journal with current correspondence the Mayor tears open the official missive she’d received before departing for this cloak and dagger meeting. “Oh no, no no no NO! What do we do? What do I do?!!?”

Clearing the charcuterie tray and glasses aside the Earth Pony grins, “Well I’m staying, if for no other reason than to spite that Old Bastard and keep my lot of land magical threads be damned. You’re the smartest of us Steel, what do you think?”

“Scatter.”

“Ve might az vell. Perhapz if zhe can’t be reazoned vith then at leazt Herr Schwartz deztruction vill buy uz zome time to get our affairz in order.”

“I’ll have to let the Dragon Lord know, just to stop the other null-scales from declaring war on the squishy ponies for hiding the sun.”

“Then we’ve got a temporary plan, I’ll work with the Mayor here to keep the carnage to a minimum will the rest of you take your places at the far reaches of Equestria. If the Prophecy proves false you’ll at least get a bit of lead time before you join me in Tartarus. Time to do your job as the Oracle Mayor.”

Gulping down her fear and steeling her resolve the bespectacled mare pounded the shot of liquid courage, “it would seem we have an accord and I have a lot of paperwork to write. Good day.”

“For as long as those may last Mayor, for as long as they last.”

Canapes

She missed waking up to warmth: be it a sun raised not by her own horn, the intimate embrace of a lover, or the succor of her sister at her side. Now only cool marble, silk sheets, and a cold fireplace greeted her any more. While centuries of routine had made the service staff waking her up irrelevant she restored wood to the hearth and ignited it, a failed attempt to chase away the chill night air. A common misconception was that Celestia was a morning pony, quite the opposite. She used to love long nights of drinking and making merry in an age where photography hadn’t been invented yet and the average life span of one of her little ponies was at most four decades. Now the ever watchful eye of the paparazzi had ruined most of her late night shenanigans, other than a twice a year trip to a certain pub she never went out any more. And even then, had to hide who and what she was, even if she was sure the racist plot hole that ran it knew who it was at the end of his bar. She’d tried on multiple occasions to get him to work for her in the royal kitchens in her official capacity, but considering his previous employer he supposed that would be seen as a betrayal of sorts. Ethereal mane crimped in time honored by the regalia all equinity associated with her sovereignty Princess Celestia raised her magic to the heavens with a neck only slightly bent by time. Heavy is the head that wears the crowd.
______________

It barely seemed like the sun had fully set before rising again on the far western horizon as Spike looked out over the spreading capital of Canterlot. His boss/teacher/mother figure still snored away clutching a small doll she’d had before he had been hatched. She hardly ever slept with it anymore, filly things for filly times being put away for marehood. But she was nervous, or perhaps terrified, it was difficult to tell with Twilight sometimes when Celestia had an assignment for her. It seemed almost perverse in nature that Twilight would strive to please a Mistress that in the same set of orders terrified her to her core. His reverie was ended abruptly as a rarely set alarm clock shocked her to wakefulness. Her mane clinging to her face and horn still sweaty from the nightmare that plagued her slumber. But he would protect her. He had to. If it was from bullies, or library late fee fines, or malnutrition from over studying he would be her stalwart protector. Nothing would stand in his way, even if it was her.
_____

The farm hadn’t been this crowded in quite a while. So many bodies camped out in the yard, in the barns, pretty sure even a couple of cousins bunked with the chickens in their small house. Applejack herself was in the cellar, the cool air and scent of apples reminding her of times spent playing hide and seek with her brother before she had to take up the mantle of head of the workforce for Sweet Apple Acres. Her own bed occupied by well aged members of the Apple Clan needing more than a blanket and cool stone to sleep peacefully on. But she didn’t mind, not in the slightest! Hardwork and Sacrifice were the two hallmarks of her family and Earth Ponies in general. Somepony had to grow the crops, harvest the food stuffs, and process the plants into things everypony could eat. With no small pride she stretched the nights chill from her well toned legs and basked in the glow of knowing she started the great chain of civilization in her own little corner of Equestria. Donning her signature setsun she trotted upstairs to fire up the ovens for the days labors. With the whole clan here she was confident she could provide everything needed for today’s Summer Sun Celebration. With the Princess and her retinue, there will be way more than usual at this city based fair and the bits were going to be necessary for the future. Always one to put nose to the grindstone, or in this case oven door, Applejack stoked the fires with in, and with out.
______

All the woods were quiet. The Guard had been by recently and they had slain or chased away anything bigger than a Flyder and while Fluttershy didn’t care for violence of any kind she understood wanting to feel safe. Chewing her bottom lip she brushed her long silken mane as she absentmindedly looked into the dark acres behind her cottage. She smiled ruefully when her contemplations were interrupted by a familiar thumping of paw on empty food bowl. Chittering in a language only rabbits could understand she busied herself with her normal animal care routine. Veggies here, nuts there, and ofcourse unthinking fish and insects for the carnivores. The dichotomy of being terrified of being eaten yet handing out once living things to her animal friends also left her with a confused introspection that made her question her life choices. But those worries faded at the happy sounds of her critters chewing and chirping their thanks. Mixing some mealworm powder into her own oatmeal, a guilty pleasure, she giggled mischievously that if her friend Rarity know how she kept her mane and coat so healthy she might turn green instead of white!
_______

Bored. Boooooring. Bored boring boredom. Are the ring boards, or boards of rings. Would a ghost go boooo at a ring? She would probably giggle at that. That’s what Granny Pie taught her. But there was nothing scary in Ponyville. With Mr. and Mrs. Cake out on their anniversary trip to Phillydelphia she had the shop all to herself. But it was closed. The Mayor had said that she wasn’t allowed to fracture the time space continuum to man the register, the display case, the floor, the ovens, and the decoration station any more. Apparently three letters of investigation from Canterlot were two too many, and it was giving some Unicorns headaches there every time they reviewed their readings of her activities. Silly billies! You change the results of the experiment by observing it, at least that’s what the books with the funny math in them said. Thinking of funny, it seems like that weird grumpy mcgrumperson across the alleyway is going to be open today. Maybe she’d make him a cupcake, or a pie, or a scone! He was a cook, and she was a baker and he thought that made them rivals. But Pinkie didn’t like fighting with anypony, everypony should be friends. Even if they yelled and cursed and didn’t let certain ponies into their shop. She still wondered about that. It seemed super duper silly to not let a third of ponies in because they had a horn. But no matter! There was going to be a TON of new ponies in Ponyville today and she had to check her confetti and streamer supplies. She had a twitchy itch that said she’d be welcoming a new town’s member and was so excited she forgot all about the strange Pub out her window or the large barrels of something being loaded in by hoof. Itty bitty paper squares don’t compress themselves into bombs you know!
_______

A light night spent tying ribbons and bunting left Rarity in quite a state. How can a mare get her beauty sleep with so much noise going on at. . .oh dear, it was that late already. Even with Sweetie Bell finally back with her parents for Summer Vacation she still wasn’t getting enough rest. Too much to do, too much to sew, and too much to worry about. Would the Princess like the colors? Would the decorations match the guard uniforms. Would that hunk of a stallion Blueblood be there?!? Heart all a twitter as she went through her usual beauty routine she opted to short it a bit to only two hours to get out and bite to eat before she finished with the Town Hall decorations. It was there that her event coordination side project would come to fruition and might even get noticed by the nobles traveling with the Princess! Not for the first time she cursed the need for cheap land to build her flagship business but what she would have to pay for a temporary stand on a ill-traveled Canterlot side street for a day would cover her overhead in Ponyville for a month and she was on the main drag a short trot from the train station! Sadly bags donned, eye bags covered, and feed bags to be filled the Lady of Carousel Boutique made her fabulous way onto the stage of Ponyville. One way or another this would be a Summer Sun Celebration nopony would soon forget!
______

Ponies thought Rainbow Dash was lazy. They were wrong, she was just resting up. Her aerial acrobatics and occasional monster thrashing were proof of that. Ponyville wasn’t big enough to warrant a constant guard presence or even much more than a police station with an officer or two that spent more time holding up the bar at Sugar Cube Corner than actually busting heads. Not that all problems had to be solved with violence. Some could be ignored, or shouted down, or just glared at. But Flutters was better at that last one. Nope. She wasn’t lazy, just resting. You never knew when some hungry critter or strange creature would encroach on rightful pony land. Pegesai had a long history of warriors, protectors, and adventurers. But there just wasn’t much of that to be had anymore. Equestria was settled all but for the few untamed lands like the Everfree which never submitted to their equine masters. It was half the reason Dash was practicing for the Wonderbolts near the deadly forest. Nothing keeps one’s senses sharp like the imminent threat of being eaten by monsters at any time. Nevermind the only way you can practice rescuing ponies is if they’re in danger. And you can’t just throw somepony to Timberwolves to try and rescue them. Even Dash knew that was wrong, and swore to Mayor Mare she’d never do it, again. Ugh, she’d have to get up soon, these clouds aren't going to buck themselves. And if the Mayor didn’t have her hide if the Summer Sun Celebration was ruined by errant cloud cover her ego definitely wouldn’t let her rest until she’d paid for her mistake. Not many ponies knew Dash rode herself really, really hard. She had to. Failure was not an option, no matter how many times her parents assured her otherwise. There was once course set, one path before her. Fame. Fortune. And fifteen minutes of more shut eye.
________

Wake up, shower, brush teeth, comb mane, file hooves.

Get Spike ready to travel, pack ink, scrolls, quills, and reagents.

Pack portable library, one must never be without books!

Confirm with guards that personal dormitory would be locked and none would enter to remove any reading materials of any kind from it.

~~Double check with guards that~~

Read Myths and Fantasies about Nightmare Moon, just to be sure.

Arrange for carriage to transport to Ponyville for SSC inspection.

Quickly inspect preparations, double check city ordinance for compliance and safety.

Locate nearest Library for further study and planning.

Join Princess Celestia for the Celebration.

~~Make friends.~~

Return to Canterlot ASAP.

_______

It had taken most of the night be he was done, all the food and drinks were ready for today’s event. And come Tartaurus or high water it was going to be a memorable one. Sure the Mayor can freak out and lose her head. But when you spend your whole life being able to see into the very near future and planning accordingly then suddenly not being able to see past midnight it made one worried. Blackbriar just finished putting the last of the garnishes on the platter before him when a platoon of identical guards filled into his place of business. More than a few scowled at the sign a few feet from the door. A quick head count had them at four pegasi and six earth ponies with zero unicorns. Sliding the vial of acid back into its compartment the grumpy cook put on his closest approximation of a service smile.

“Well, well, well, look at what we have here, half a guard escort in my little pub. To what do I owe the honor of hosting the Princess herself in my house?” the smirking earth pony snarked.

Now all scowling, the guards parted and made a protective circle around their charge. And for the first time in years a creature with a magic horn entered the bar. Casting only a minor glance at the sign, she waved a wing to dismiss the guards back outside once their security check was done. Begrudgingly, they silently followed their master’s decree but not before glaring killing intent a the still smiling stallion behind the bar.

“Hello again Briar, still a prickly pony I see, I’ll have my usual.”

“I figured as much, got a whole keg of your Firebrand Whiskey right here. Was no mean feat stealing it from the Royal Larders. That Kibitz plays for keeps, he’s a good hire.”

Sighing as she curled a fetlock around the tall glass, partaking of the Earth Pony made liquor in the fashion it was made out of respect for it’s creators and taking a long pull, “Too good I’m afraid. I can’t sneak out more than twice a year anymore, as you well know, much less raid the kitchens at night. I ordered him to keep me on this diet and he’s taken to it like the Word of God. If I had a legion of him a few hundred years ago the Griffon Wars would have gone very, very differently.”

“Aye, that’s the problem with us hard arses,” knocking back a mouthful of something from a bottle so old the label had faded into being virtually blank, “we stick to our rules so strongly we sacrifice flexibility for strength. Makes us predictable, which is a weakness unto itself.”
Nodding at the wisdom, the Princess of the Sun side eyed the utterly unafraid pony before her, “I’d be lying if I said I’m not going to miss this. There are so few of my little ponies that treat me like a mare. Too much reverence, too much worship, and you treat me like any other pony that sits at your bar. I’ve always marveled at that. You know what I am, what I can do. And I mean REALLY do, back from the wild times, the bad times. And you still sit there with that damnable smirk on your face eating, what are we eating?”

Moving a new tray over for them to sample from, a myriad of choices in two and threes naught more than a bite or two ready for the taking, “Well, that might be because I’m NOT one of your little ponies Celly. I’m my own stallion, even if you pay the bills here. And I’m not afraid of you because I know your Sister has and will do so much worse. And as for your other question, these are canapes. And not the fancy tripe they serve in Canterlot now, I mean traditional starters to a meal, small samples of what’s to come. An enticement of palate, to stir the hunger, and awaken the senses. I figure we’re going to be here for quite a while if the Prophecy rings true and I don’t believe in giving it to a mare before buying her dinner first.”

Color coming to her cheeks the courtly mask of the Princess falls away as she gives a most unladylike snort, “Brave of you to assume I would accept your advances, and we only just met.”

“Give me a break Celly, only three sentients drink that horse piss in your glass and the other one has been dead for about 1200 years. So bottoms up, and then bottoms up, we’ve got a lot of living to do before the dark comes.”

Clinking glasses with the crass earth pony before her she sheds the regalia in a neat pile as she takes another bite and swallows, “the let us pesume for your sake I do before it does.”
________

The dark.
The dark was her friend.
Her only friend.
And now it was time.
Time to go back.
Time to get revenge. Time scratch and itch that had been gnawing on her pelt for 1000 years.
Teeth too long and and sharp glinted in the pale moonlight as her shadow receded from the lunar surface. Magic forming armor and essence she powered up her horn. First, the castle, then the elements, then her sister, and finally the world!

Hors d'oeuvre

“It should be noted that Alicorn, whether true born from Faust or achieved through merit, have the same digestive, hormonal, psychological, and thaumilogical systems as their little ponies do. An alicorn horn is in reality, just a sturdier form of equinity that doesn’t just mimic unicorns, but multiplies it. Imagine a unicorn’s thaum network with pegesai reflex and earth pony stamina and you have the standard Alicorn horn. That said, all three races suffer from similar intestinal fates regardless of what combination they’re applied or how strong there are. For instance, most equinies have extreme difficulty or it is flat out impossible for them to vomit. This is why there is such a vast call for alchemical/thaumilogical curatives and such a low rate of alcoholism. To quote a Draconia College saying roughly translated, “Never go on a bender with a pony, you can’t puke and rally when you can’t puke.” It goes without saying that creatures that breathe fire and other ignition based effects probably shouldn’t consume alcohol either but having a mouth, esophagus, and tongue strong enough to handle gem shards, magma, and aforementioned expectorates one can understand why perhaps regurgitation isn’t a high concern.

Thus incapacitated, we find one Princess Celestia currently doing her best not to leave equestrian soil as it spins around her big white plot.”

“I swear to Faust, and I don’t do that lightly, when I can find my hooves I’m stepping on something sensitive Ebon.”

“Now now Celly, I didn’t force the Tartarus Spiced Pepper Whiskey down your throat. If you had more personal mettle you wouldn’t need any liquid courage. Besides, with you out of the way I don’t have to worry about you being over protective of your student. She gets to live, and make mistakes, experience life without your ever growing shadow. If reports are true your body double should have been evacuated about an hour ago if the lack of sunrise is any indicator. Then my old Boss gets to monologue for a bit like the old fashioned nag she is, and your chosen get tested.”

“You. You planned this?!!?”

“I set things in motion. I put equines where they needed to be to do what I think they should. Plan would imply an end game besides watching you bat at chair legs while getting a good look at the gum stuck under my bar tables. I did lie about shagging you, but I had to get you drinking the heavy stuff and I knew the prospect of any intimacy with me would erode your resolve. Usually does in this town.”

“It seems like too great a gamble. Too much to lose on the whims of my little ponies.”

“Now you see Celly, that’s where you and I disagree. This is a matter of perspective. Up on that Faust-forsaken mountain you get to set the big picture, but only that big picture. I’m down in the trenches, serving the at best the average equestrian and straight “monsters” at worst. I’ve either spoken to, or have mares and stallions that have spoken to your chosen five. And as long as you didn’t pull another Sunset your student should be fine.”

“I know. And I let you do this. Even after all this time. Even being on the opposite sides of the war. I hate that I’d rather be at your mercy getting Faust knows what rubbed into my fur instead of doing battle with that. . .nightmare.”

“One, I’m insulted there, I’ll have you know in between bitching about me not letting her girlfriend in here Berry does an excellent job on the floors and any dirt that’s in your coat is what you and the goon squad tracked in here. And two, like I said before, I know what you are and what you’re made of. If you REALLY wanted up you could summon up your magic through that pointy bit of skull and burn the alcohol out of your system. But you don’t. Because like every other pony on this planet they want to avoid pain. And drinking a barrel of high test whiskey is what an alicorn would quantify as anesthetic.”

The cook and the princess’ tit for tat was interrupted by the front door banging open and closed before the guards outside could protest that the establishment was closed until their ruler left.

“Boss! Boss! BOSS! Nightmare Moon is back and. . .is that Princess Celestia’s on her back with her legs in the air?!?!” the purple barmaid cried.

“Yep. When the big black bitch in the ugly armor hit her with some sort of magical whammy the guards hid her here until they could find a counterspell. Apparently whatever they did was quite a doozy as she’s slurring her speech and can’t stand on her own four hooves. The guards you just blew by where probably trying to protect her dignity in her current incapacitated state.”

Fur and complexion draining from a deep plum to pale puce Berry Punch’s rump hit floor boards, “Am I in trouble?!?”

“Nay my little pony, I am glad for company, join me on the ceiling and we can mock the strange tables with surfaces that spin around and around. Your employer is a fool to have food and drink resting areas that spin!” the soused princess decreed.

Looking askance at her Boss and shrug later there were soon 8 pairs of hooves in the air. Both munching on small snacks of rye cracker, wheat mouse, and fine grated cheese. One to sober up, one to calm down, and both to contemplate where life had taken them.
____________________________________________________________

Meanwhile, high up in the Ruins the Castle of the Two Pony Sisters things were unfolding just as one might expect them to if it were a children’s book. 6 equines, none of them having much of anything in common, banding together to face a common threat. Despite Celestia trying her best not to manipulate her little ponies there were three forces at work that she had used quite a few times over the centuries playing themselves out again only now on a more juvenile stage.

Fear of the Other: Nightmare Moon is an alicorn, all black, and tends to mock and belittle other ponies to make up for her shortcomings, this makes her different and thus something to fear, followed by do something about.

Herd Think: Very few had the ability to break the power of herd think. The same system of thought that protected ancient equines from predators and disaster does little to serve them in this “modern” age. Royal Guards had to have it beaten out of them and Police Officers had to learn how to manipulate it. So when you gathered equines that had natural resistance to herd think they tend to work wonders together. The Founders that established modern equestria, the Pillars that saved it from the various disasters and the Pony of Shadows.

6 the Sacred Number: Throughout history 6 has been a very important number of gathered sapients, not just ponies, when it comes to changing the future and their own fates. Even with the oppression of cutie marks guiding towards one’s destiny, too often ponies forget that they make their own futures, and by breaking away from the herd they have just as much chance at fame and fortune as they do death and destruction.

So when a naive purple unicorn challenged the Mistress of the Night head one, literally charging her in desperation, the story played out as it should. Five friends, banding together to represent an element a piece, with Twilight Sparkle pulling up the rear with Magic itself. Massive eldritch powers channeled through magical foci beyond equine understanding banishing the dark taint of Nightmare Moon from Princess Luna.

But as any science major will tell you, magic like matter or energy can not be created or destroyed. Only channeled and manipulated. So where did all that dark power go? A vast amount of power was drained from Luna as her soul was cleansed by the Elements of Harmony, but all that power had to go elsewhere. And like many parasites that evolve, it simply moved on to stronger more beneficial hosts. Like the Bearer’s themselves.

Victorious for now, a freshly sober but still marely virtue intact, raised the sun and had it greet here long lost sister in a muchly reduced state. Confused. Tired. And happy to finally have free thought again she raced to her elder sister’s bossom with no more fears of the past for the immediate future. The Elements bound to their bearers, the 8 headed back to town where a party commenced. Equestria celebrating the return of the sun, their familiar ruler, and a new sovereign as well. A teacher assuring student that she could stay with her new friends and continue to learn away from her familiar environs. A baker overjoyed at finally being able to welcome a new friend. A speedster showing off to the crowd, getting her first taste of what being a Wonderbolt was going to be like. A farmer confused on why the Princess wasn’t eating a 10th of what she usually does. A designer trying her best to match her new necklace with her upcoming Winter Line. A caretaker hiding from the festivities, attention and acclaim always her bane. A sister overwhelmed with ponies celebrating her return and more than a little confused on what that strange device moving on wood and metal was doing. And a student basking in the glow of a test passed, a friend found, and a home claimed.

While across town, far from the festivities three ponies sat in a quiet bar.

One nervously wiping wiping sweat from her brow, shuffling paper work and signing forms.
One staring off into space, freshly wiped mind remembering working a shift in a dead end bar.
And the last eating a hors d'oeuvre, counting a large pile of coin, a rare smile on his muzzle.