To End All Pranks

Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes. The soft morning sunlight was streaming through the oval window and filling the bedroom. It was another perfect day beginning. She yawned and stretched in her bed as the last vestiges of her dreams faded away, then carefully levitated her hoof-made quilt aside and got up.

Twilight checked herself in the mirror, quickly washed her face and headed down to the kitchen. The breakfast was already on the table, and Spike was waiting for her to join.

“Um, Twilight… I… I just remembered that I promised Rarity to help with the dresses…” he looked down at the green jewel he was fumbling in his hands. “May I have a day off today?”

Twilight frowned. “Another one?” Twilight put another daisy sandwich on her plate. “You perfectly know that we are behind the schedule on re-cataloguing as it is.”

“Yeah, but Rarity is working around the clock on this new order from Canterlot. And she needs my help! Please, Twilight!” Spike seemed adamant — she might as well give up now.

“Okay,” she said grudgingly, “just don’t be late.”

“Thank you! I knew you wouldn’t mind.” Spike swiftly tossed the jewel into his mouth and trotted off the kitchen. Twilight wistfully chewed on her sandwich. Rarity had to hire some professional assistants — her business was expanding day by day, and the way she took advantage of the young starry-eyed dragon just didn’t sit right with Twilight.

After breakfast, Twilight set about sorting out the chaos on her desk — the usual result of a studying spree. She ran through the books one by one, sending them either back to the shelves or onto one of the neat book piles beside her desk. When she came across volume three of the collected works of Cloudwalker, she remembered that she had just finished it, and she was eager to read volume four. Since Spike wasn’t around, she decided to fetch it herself. Twilight took the ladder and propped it up against a tall bookcase. She climbed to the top and examined the upper row of books.

With some effort, Twilight extracted the book of interest from the tight pack. At that precise moment the base of the ladder slipped, and a thundering rattle flooded Twilight’s ears, followed by perfect quiet.

Twilight opened her eyes and found herself lying sprawled on the floor. At first she thought she had heard Spike calling her, but then remembered that he had gone to Carousel Boutique. “Helping Rarity, huh. As if Twilight doesn’t need assistance,” she said to herself. She got to her hooves, picked the book from the floor and returned to cleaning her desk.

At noon, when the work was done, Twilight walked outside and began pacing the library grounds, every now and then peering into the sky. This was because the young librarian awaited a special delivery. Namely, a set of the latest titles from Twilight's favorite New Frontiers series, by Canterlot's Scientific Publishing House.

It wasn’t long before Twilight spotted the approaching mailpony and trotted in her direction.

"Hey, Derpy!" Twilight called out as she stopped next to the pegasus. "Do you have it?"

"Yes, came right from Canterlot," Derpy said, touching down. The mailpony produced a hefty package from her bag. “Boy, that was heavy!"

“Thanks, Derpy!” Twilight signed the receipt, grabbed the package, and turned to leave.

“Listen, Twilight, I thought I saw Princess Celestia near the post office. Is she here in Ponyville with some official business?” Derpy seemed to be unusually talkative today.

“No. Nothing that I’m aware of.” The Princess didn’t visit Ponyville often, and if she did, Twilight usually was first to know.

“Right. I must’ve had too many muffins,” said the mailpony lightly. “Bye, Twilight!” She righted her bag, took to the sky and flew away, following a strange twisting route.

Twilight carefully deposited the package on the desk and licked her lips. She enjoyed moments like this very much. The anticipation of new knowledge. The smell of freshly printed pages. Now she was only glad that Spike was not around to disturb her.

She carefully removed the wrappings and began inspecting her new acquisitions. "Let's see… Approaches to Quantum Magic. Good. Do Parasprites Have a Mind: Empirical Research. Gotta show this to Pinkie! Teleportation for Dummies.” Twilight’s eyes widened. “What? Teleportation for Dummies in New Frontiers? What’s the world coming to?” Twilight put the book aside, and her eyes widened even more. She saw a small package bound by a shiny ribbon. There was a note tacked to it. She extracted the note and read:

Congratulations! This is your 50th order in our publishing house! We value our established customers, so we give you this extra book free of charge.

The unicorn furrowed her brow. Surely, she would have never expected anything like that from one of the finest publishing houses in Equestria. "I wonder what will be inside. I’m sure it’s either something I already have, or something I can’t stand." When Twilight started in on the tie, she couldn’t help but notice something odd about it. It was somewhat off-center and gave the impression of being done in a great haste. Twilight’s horn glowed mildly as the ribbon levitated away, the wrapping unfolding with a soft rustle and revealing the cover of a book.

Ten Pranks You Should Never Try in Real Life

"Is this someone's idea of a prank?" the pony cried out in disbelief. Twilight swung her head from side to side, cautiously inspected the windows and the door, and, having found no signs of suspicious activity, returned to her desk.

Twilight sat still for a minute, then walked away from the desk and warily opened the book and flipped the pages with the recently learned long-range manipulation spell. Nothing happened.
Convinced that there was no danger, Twilight made herself comfortable at the desk once again and plunged into reading.

As she skimmed through the text, memories of dozens of Twilight’s scientific experiments ruined by Pinkie’s practical jokes flooded the purple pony’s mind. The mysterious book was the real deal, and one of the pranks in it sounded particularly enticing. This is it, thought Twilight, my chance to settle the score. The payback. This will be a prank to end all pranks! She took a closer look at the description of the prank. Naturally, there was a catch. She needed a dragon’s semen.

* * *

It was already dark when Spike returned to the library tree. He was surprised to find Twilight lying on the couch. Spike knew about the delivery, and his previous experience told him that Twilight would spend all day and all night reading.

“Hey, Twilight!” he said. “How’s the new books?”

“Great!” Twilight replied, stretching her hooves. “I just got tired and thought I needed to relax a little.” She smiled.

Spike gave her friend a bewildered look-over. “Well, okay. That’s okay, I guess,” he mumbled and toddled towards the kitchen.

“And I was hoping that you’d help me, Spike,” she added.

Spike turned around to face Twilight. “Me?”

“Yeah, you know, actually I got a really bad charley horse from sitting too much. And I could really use a nice and relaxing massage.” Twilight gave Spike an odd look, making him take a few steps back.

“Maybe you should go to the spa or something.” Spike took another step back, only to be stopped by a bookcase. “Besides, I don’t even know how to do this… massage.”

“Don’t worry, Spike. I’ve just learned the spell for that today. Just stand still.” Before the poor dragonling had time to draw breath, Twilight’s horn flashed with a bright aura and shot a beam of magical energy at Spike. And then shot again. And again.

“Are you ready, Spike?” Twilight asked softly, a slight smile on her face.

“I think so,” the dragon said uncertainly, still looking a bit disoriented.

“Okay, then.” Twilight rolled onto her stomach and gestured at the lower part of her back. “You can start here.” Spike crawled onto the couch from behind and stood between Twilight’s legs. The unicorn shivered with pleasure as Spike’s arm started gently rubbing her back. “Please, keep going.” Spike leaned forward gradually working his way to Twilight’s shoulders when Twilight felt something hard pressing up against her back. A sly grin crossed her lips. “Even better than I thought,” she said to herself.

At that moment Spike suddenly pulled back. “Um, Twilight, I have—” Twilight heard him mumble.

“It’s okay, Spike,” she said softly, “you can put it in there.”

“But I shouldn’t… I… I can’t… you know that dragons—”

“Just do it!” Twilight cut off his stumbling protestations, arched her back and tossed her tail to the side, revealing to Spike her private parts in full display.

“If you insist,” he said quietly, and slowly pushed his erection between Twilight’s legs. The unicorn gasped. Spike put his arms on Twilight’s flanks and started moving back and forth with ever increasing speed.

“Um... could... you... slow down... a bit?” she managed to say, but the dragon didn’t seem to pay attention. He just kept gaining speed and impetus, his thrusts becoming more aggressive.

“Stop, please, it hurts!” she pleaded. No response. She tried to push the dragon off, but the arousal seemed to have given him fierce, savage strength, and all her attempts were in vain, only making his claws sink deeper into her flanks.

She needed a spell. It was almost impossible to concentrate, but it was the only chance she had. Trying her best to ignore the pain, she gathered whatever energy she had left and directed it to her horn. Twilight screamed in agony as the powerful telekinetic wave threw the frenzied dragon several yards back, causing his claws leave deep, bloody scratches on her sides...

* * *

Twilight opened her eyes. She felt her thighs with a hoof as she looked around. No wounds. No blood. No Spike. She found herself sitting at her desk in the library. The book lay open in front of her. She vaguely remembered studying a new spell. That was one hell of a dream, she thought.

The shocking scenes still ringing in her head, Twilight slowly trotted to the kitchen to make some tea. As she savored the taste of infused herbs, strange thoughts preoccupied her mind. As much as she was ashamed and frightened of herself, she was increasingly of the opinion that the prank had to be done. Even the idea of having sex with Spike didn’t seem something out of the ordinary now, she just needed to make it… safer. A manic grin creeped up to Twilight’s face. It was still several hours before Spike’s return — she had enough time work everything out.

Twilight was at her desk when Spike returned home and greeted her.

“Oh, Spike! I learned a new spell today, and I can’t wait to try it out. And I’m gonna need your help. Follow me, please,” she said cheerfully and trotted upstairs into her bedroom.

“Okay, now lie on your back and stay still,” she pointed at her bed. As he climbed onto the bed, Spike noticed the leather straps attached to the bed’s corners.

“Um, what are these for?” he asked, instinctively clambering back into a corner.

“This is for safety. Trust me, Spike.” She firmly and securely strapped his arms and legs, having the little dragon sprawled in the center of her bed.

“Now relax and enjoy the ride” She slowly traced the dragon’s belly and thighs with her hooves, then dove her head between his legs and stuck her tongue beneath the fold covering his male organ. She made a few long, sensual licks, and watched it grow with a goofy smile on her face.

“Twilight… you are… raping me!” said the baffled dragon.

“Well, technically, yes. But this is for the sake of science!” she replied and returned to pleasuring her friend with her mouth.

“What a day,” he said meekly, and gave himself up to pleasure.

After a few minutes, Twilight’s own insides were burning with desire, and she couldn’t resist the temptation any more. She climbed on top of Spike and slowly lowered herself onto his erect appendage.

She was in complete control. She closed her eyes, and began gently swaying up and down, reveling in the sensation. Before long, her mind was completely taken over by instinct.

“Twilight, I—” was all that Spike managed to say before Twilight felt hot, sticky liquid fill her marehood. At that moment she climaxed herself, a wave of warmth and pleasure rushing through her entire body.

“Damn, I totally blew it,” Twilight said out loud as she collapsed with exhaustion onto the bed next to spike.

* * *

Twilight opened her eyes. She was in bed, drenched in sweat. The bedroom was faintly lit by dawn’s early light. The book was on the floor next to the bed. Her mind was cloudy. She vaguely remembered studying late into the night. Then she remembered about the prank. She couldn’t help it.

Twilight got up and sneaked into Spike’s room. The little dragon was asleep. Images from her dreams flashed in front of her eyes. No, she couldn’t do this to him. Then it hit her: he doesn’t have to be awake! She rushed down to the library, read up on sleeping spells, took a few things from the laboratory, and returned to her sleeping assistant.

She cast the proper spells, tried nudging and yelling at the dragon, and, satisfied with the results, got to work. She began by fondling Spike’s thighs until his hardening member showed between the folds. She gave it a few long, straight licks, then took it into her mouth, while her hooves kept running up and down Spike’s thighs and sides. Spike’s penis got larger and deeper in Twilight’s throat as the dragon moaned in his enchanted sleep.

Twilight herself was burning with desire, but she had to stay focused on her mission. She took the sexual organ out of her mouth and continued with her hooves, going faster and faster. She could hear the thumping of Spike’s heart; his ever more frequent moans got louder and filled the small room. Twilight knew that he was close.

It didn’t take long before the throbbing phallus erupted with spurts of hot sticky liquid, which floated into a vial with the help of Twilight’s magic. Finally, the ultimate ingredient was in her grasp!

* * *

It was still morning when Twilight Sparkle showed up at Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie greeted her friend with a big hug, complained about Gummy’s poor appetite and that she had to eat three dozen of cupcakes yesterday because no one had bought them, and began updating Twilight on everything that had happened in Ponyville in the past two days.

“Pinkie, I’ve got something for you,” Twilight managed to chime in.

Pinkie perked up and looked up at Twilight. “Oh, I know! Today’s the day I invented the daisy-nut muffin recipe! It was exactly five years ago! How could I forget?” The pink pony clapped her hooves in excitement and put on a wide grin. “And you’ve got a present for me, right?”

“Yeah, sort of. It’s a flavoring for muffins. I read about it in one of my new books, and decided to try it out. But you know how I’m not good at baking.”

Pinkie grabbed the small jar filled with grayish powder. “Oh, good! I was just about to start baking a batch of muffins for Sugarcube Corner.”

“A whole batch? But what if they taste bad? Maybe we should—”

“Don’t worry, Twi! I know you’re really good at magic. I’m sure these are gonna be the most flavorsomest muffins ever!” She sprinkled the powder over a large pan.

About half an hour later, Pinkie extracted a large muffin tray from the oven and placed it on the kitchen counter. She hold one muffin up in her hoof, eyed it intently, closed her eyes, sniffed at it loudly, and then sent it to her mouth with one well-practiced motion.

“Twilight, they are delicious! Try!” she took another muffin and handed it to Twilight.

“Thanks, but, … um… my stomach is a bit upset, sorry,” she refused the offer.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Pinkie said, tossing the second muffin into her mouth. “Now, I’ll get these muffins to Mrs. Cake, and be right back.” The pink pony trotted away, leaving Twilight alone with her thoughts.

Before long, Pinkie bounced back into the kitchen. “And now I’m gonna make some cupcakes! Wanna help me make cupcakes, Twi?” Twilight nodded. “Great! Now, fetch the flour from that cabinet over there while I wash this bowl.”

Just when Twilight was about to start pouring the flour into the bowl, she was tackled down by a fierce hug. Twilight’s magic disrupted, the bag of flour dropped to the floor, sending up a white cloud. Meanwhile, Pinkie rolled Twilight on her back and straddled her, their snouts only inches apart. She looked her friend in the eyes and said, “I love you, Twilight!”

“I know, Pinks,” she replied gently, “and—” Here Pinkie darted her head forward and pressed her lips up against Twilight’s, not letting the other mare finish the sentence. Twilight didn’t mind a bit; she returned the kiss and their tongues touched as Twilight shivered in pleasure.

After a while, the pink pony pulled away and started running her hooves up and down her friend’s slender body. All the while she was slowly crawling back, first kissing Twilight's neck, then gradually working her way down toward her friend’s lower stomach, until the object of her desire was finally within reach. Pinkie didn’t think twice before diving in and setting to work with all her natural enthusiasm, while Twilight could only writhe, and gasp, and moan...

When Twilight emerged from Sugarcube Corner, she had quite a disheveled appearance. She stood on a patch of lawn overlooking Ponyville’s town square, bright with the noon sun, and contemplating the view before her. She remembered the day when she didn’t know what to write in her report to Princess Celestia and created chaos in Ponyville. She remembered Discord. She wondered if he would approve of this. She remembered Rainbow Dash — apparently because she noticed a quickly approaching rainbow streak. Before she knew it, the pegasus materialized right in front of her, nearly knocking her over.

“Hey, Twi! What’s going on? What’s with all these ponies?” Twilight opened her mouth, but could find no words. “And, Twilight, you look a mess, are you alright?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Thanks, Dashie” was all she managed to say.

“Anyway, what’s this all about? Some collective solar-flare-induced heat? A new Ponyville tradition? Maybe we should hit the hay too, huh?” Dash gave the other pony a coy wink. Thoughts raced in Twilight’s mind. “Don’t worry, I’m just kidding.”

“No! I mean, I don’t know. I’m… trying to figure it out, okay. And I need to get back to the library. See you later. And don’t eat anything for now, okay.” Without waiting for a reply, the purple pony galloped down the street, leaving a puzzled Dash behind.

Twilight opened the door to the library tree and saw Spike walking towards her.

“Hey, Twilight. I’m going to hit the grocery store. I think we’re out of oats. Want me to pick a daisy sandwich for you?”

“No, you can’t go, Spike. It’s… dangerous out there. And I need you send a letter to the Princess.”

“What d’you mean, dangerous?”

“A bad case of a deadly plague epidemic. You should stay home until the Princess and I sort it out.”

Spike looked at her in disbelief, then slowly nodded. “Okay.”

Twilight levitated a quill and quickly wrote a letter.

Dear Princess Celestia,
Ponyville has been overtaken by a strange epidemic of a magical nature. I tried to find a remedy, but this magic is past the limits of my knowledge. I need your help. If this plague is not stopped immediately, the consequences will be disastrous. Please come to Ponyville as soon as possible. I will be in the library.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.

When the royal chariot landed on a Ponyville street, Celestia witnessed an impeccable scene.
Half the windows were closed and boarded up, others were wide open. Countless couples, and even a few threesomes, occupied the lawns on either side of the street. Apparently, they were making love, oblivious to their surroundings. There were also ponies who aimlessly trotted around. Some of them were frightened and shouted something about a curse and the doomsday. Others were angry and shouted something about infidelity. The ubiquitous moans and screams filled the air, blending into an unsettling din. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were getting their oats in the shade of a large tree, constantly checking their flanks in the process.

While the Princess took stock of the situation, the royal guards were busy fighting off a grayish amber earth pony, who obviously also fell prey to the universal love and now was eager to find himself a partner.

A purple unicorn approached the chariot. “Your Highness!”

“Twilight! I’m glad you’re safe. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

The two walked toward the library, followed by the guards. When they got there, Twilight guided the Princess inside.

“So, what do you know about it so far, Twilight?”

Twilight poured some tea into two tiny teacups.

“I’m still not sure, but it may be a mutated plant from the Everfree Forest. I can’t understand how so many ponies got affected at once, though. Please, Your Highness, taste these muffins. A very new recipe from Pinkie Pie. They are delicious.”

Celestia nibbled a muffin and took a sip of tea. Twilight watched her expectantly for a few long seconds.

“Very good.” The princess smiled, an eerie glint in her eyes. “You’ve always been a smart girl, Twilight.” Celestia gently ran a hoof down Twilight’s back, then tackled the purple pony to the floor in a very affectionate hug. Then she grabbed her on the sides and started shaking her violently.

“Twilight! Twilight! Are you alright?” said a voice, not unlike that of her scaled assistant. She wearily opened her eyes to see the little dragon with a glass of water. He brought it up to her mouth, letting her take a few small gulps. “Oh, I was so worried. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think I’m fine. What happened?”

“I-I don’t know. I just came in here and you were lying on the floor and not moving, and I was very scared, and I tried to wake you up, and now that you woke up, everything’s gonna be okay, right?”

“Right, Spike. Don’t worry.” She slowly pulled herself to her hooves and looked around. Her head was spinning a little, the tightly packed bookshelves around her melting into a blur. Her glance stopped on the desk. The book was missing.

“Spike!”

He remembered the tone very well from when he accidentally ate that worm in Twilight’s laboratory. The worm she’d been observing for weeks. Part of some great experiment. But this time it sounded even worse.

The suddenly pale dragonling gulped and looked down on the hardwood floor beneath him. “I-I just—”

“Spike, did you take my new books? Where are they?”

There was a moment of tense silence. Then Spike looked up at Twilight, almost smiling. “Oh, that... your new books. I haven’t touched any of your books, honest!”

Twilight stared dumbly at the table, trying to put together the pieces in her memory. Hard as she tried, they wouldn’t fit. She run outside. As she opened the door, the warm red rays of the setting sun beamed into her eyes. She looked around and saw a ribbon-tied package next to the door. On the package, was a muffin. It was holding in place a small note: Have fun. Love, Derpy.