Change is Never Easy

by Azure26

Rating: teen
Tags: Sweetie Belle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance, Drama, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo
Length: 4582

Scootaloo struggles to confront the future and themself.

* This story takes place in an alternate timeline, branching off of canon some time before Twilight became an alicorn. Some future canon concepts will be included, but not all. *

Ever since the crusaders have gotten their cutie marks, things have been changing. They are growing up, after all. But Scootaloo isn't sure if she's changing in the way she should be. Something feels off. She begins to face a cloud of confusion about herself and the future. Her only hope is that she can pull herself out of it.

* Trigger Warning for descriptions of dysphoria and discrimination. *

Published 2020-03-10 22:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-03-10 22:30:02 UTC

Introduction

Nearly effortlessly, the orange filly made her way down the worn dirt path. Trees whipped past her as she twisted around familiar roots and rocks embedded in the ground. Her wings, small but strong, gave her scooter a speed faster than many ponies could meet in flight. It’s old bolts and timber ached audibly as she rounded a sharp corner, causing her to cringe inwardly. She hated to admit it, but she was losing faith in her old ride. The more she grew, the more it seemed to strain. She tried to push the thought back and focused on her destination.

The timeless clubhouse soon appeared over a ridge. It managed to keep a fresh look, as the apple family had recently lent a few cans of paint so she and her friends could fix the faded color. She came to a halt, dirt flinging into the air and causing a small cloud around her wheels. Stepping off the scooter, she looked around with a smile. A familiar purple saddlebag sat on the deck of the treehouse, and a red mane could be seen bobbing up and down through the window. Finally, an evening with her friends.

Things had been crazy in the last few years since they had gotten their cutie marks. It seemed magical, and, knowing Equestria, probably was, how they had all gotten their marks in the same year. Sure, the days were months apart, but they couldn’t have asked for much more.

Sweetie Belle had been the first. That winter, a terrible snowstorm hit Canterlot where she and Rarity were visiting family for the holidays. The entire Belle family ended up getting stuck at her grandfather’s for almost the entirety of Hearth’s Warming week. As would be expected, the family began to get nippy towards one another. Come Hearth’s Warming Eve, everypony was nearly at each other’s throats, but Sweetie wasn’t about to let the holiday be ruined. So, she sang. Carol after carol, until all of her family calmed down enough to listen. And then a few more, until others joined in. And then just a couple more before the whole house was filled with singing and a new spark of joy. As Hearth’s Warming Day came that late night, her mark appeared. A musical note with a pink heart surrounding it.

Once she was able to come back to Ponyville, she was ecstatic to tell the others. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo couldn’t have been happier for their friend, even if they were just the tiniest bit jealous.

Life continued like that for a while until the summer hit. Apple Bloom’s appeared during a big family reunion at Sweet Apple Acres. After revealing a large family portrait that she had been creating meticulously for months, the paintbrush and bright red apple behind it appeared the moment her family gawked at her hoofwork. She had been quite surprised at its appearance, claiming that she had always loved painting but ain’t ever really considered herself an artist. It wasn’t until her family’s praises reached her that she truly realized her talent.

Finally, Scootaloo’s time came in early autumn. She had been anxiously awaiting her mark’s arrival and was afraid that she would be years behind her friends. But luckily, time was on her side. A tiny racing contest, fellow ponies with a passion for scooters, skates, and speed, and of course the support of her idol, was all it took. A wheel with purple sparks flying behind it. The three couldn’t have been happier.

Since then, the Cutie Mark Crusaders spent some time growing up. Sweetie Belle started getting involved in choir, Apple Bloom began getting more involved in her artwork and on the family farm, and Scootaloo spent more time improving her racing talent. By this point, they were teenagers. They were growing into beautiful young mares, as Rarity would say. Scoots always cringed at her comments, but they seemed to make the others happy, so she did her best to smile through them.

The two inside the clubhouse soon noticed her outside and threw the door open.

“Heya Scoots!” Bloom yelled, peeking her head through the door. “Get yer flank up here!” She seemed more excited than usual, which prompted Scootaloo to in fact get her flank up there. Once she entered the clubhouse, Sweetie Belle gave her a strong hug. She had been growing out her mane for some time, so her purple and pink curls soon overcame Scootaloo’s vision.

“It’s been too long!” she exclaimed.

“It’s only been a week Sweetie Belle,” Scootaloo laughed, but returned her friend's grasp anyway.

“I know, but it’s still weird not seeing you girls every day! Now that summer’s here, we need to start hanging out more often again!” Scootaloo and Apple Bloom smiled and nodded in agreement.

“Well, now that y’er both here, I got something to show ya,” the yellow farm pony stated before trotting towards the corner of the clubhouse. “I think we should try to make this summer special, so I made this!” She plopped a brown book onto the wooden floor. Its cover was decorated with a beautiful painting of the sun shining onto their clubhouse.

“Apple Bloom, it’s amazing!” Sweetie exclaimed as she stared at the art.

“Aw, thanks Sweetie Belle,” she responded with a wide smile. Scootaloo was happy to see her friend so proud of her work, and she couldn’t help but feel a little warm inside when she saw her grin. “My idea’s this. We do all we can this summer before we gotta go back to school. All the things we’ve been planning that’ve gotten pushed aside. And we put it all here in this book. So we’ll always be able to look back on what’s gonna be the best summer ever!” Sweetie Belle did a small hop.

“That’s an amazing idea!” she squealed before pulling the book towards here and flipping through the blank pages.

“Yeah! Celestia, this is gonna be great!” Scoots added excitedly. This is just what she needed. A good summer with her friends, just like before. Applebloom beamed again, bringing that warm feeling right back to Scootaloo.

She hadn’t mentioned anything to the others, but she had not been feeling exactly like herself over the past year. Maybe it was because they were growing up, maybe it was because she wasn't spending enough time with them, or maybe it was that growing cloud in her head. But she didn’t want to think about that cloud. Right now she was with her friends, and things had just started to feel a little normal again.

So, she sat next to some of the most important ponies in her life, smiled, and then started to plan.

Author's Note

My first shot at fanfiction, so I'm not sure where this will go. This is just a little introduction into the story and the alternate timeline this is set in.

Chapter 1

2 Months Earlier

“Alright class, let’s all talk about your special day this week!” Cheerilee announced, moving to the front of the classroom. Everypony’s attention was caught by her words. Even the two colts who often spent class devising the best strategy of paper plane folding looked forward. It was a very important day for most of the ponies there after all. “I’m assuming you’re all quite excited about your primary graduation?”

Quick nods and some small chatter was given in response. A common tradition of young ponies across Equestria was primary graduation. Once students reached a certain age, they moved on from their previous school and were allowed to pick new classes that better fit their talents and interests. This final day of primary school was often a party celebrating the graduation of the class. Although it was teacher-led, they always tried to get as much input from their students as they could. And of course, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were just as happy for the day to come as everypony else.

“Now, just like in previous years, it will be held at the town hall, three days from today. We’ll have all the food, music, and games you’ve collectively voted on. Let’s give a big thanks to the student council for all their help in making that possible!” Cheerilee continued, supplying a few beginning hoof claps. The applause continued lightly as all three crusaders rolled their eyes. A certain pink earth pony then trotted confidently between the desks to join Cheerilee.

“As the leader of our student council, I thank you all for your praise,” Diamond Tiara began with a smug smile stretched across her face. “We considered everypony’s opinions… even those not highly desirable… and put together something that will give us a night to remember! But, we are going to be enforcing one change…” The class all held their breath. They knew that whatever she was going to say was going to be music to nopony’s ears.

“There will be a dress code.” An audible protest rippled throughout the classroom at the statement. “Now listen! I want ponies to actually not look like complete rubbish during my grad-” Diamond began angrily, but Cheerilee cut her off.

“Ahem-now, I think what Diamond Tiara means…” she began, eyeing the now innocently smiling filly with a glare. “...is that she believes, for a time as important as your primary graduation, you should all try to look your best! So yes, there will be a dress code, but it will not be strict. Anything you little ponies want to wear that is at all formal is a go!” The class still showed reluctance, but the words of their teacher softened them.

“She’s always gotta ruin somethin’,” Apple Bloom grumbled, rolling the pencil on her table. "Just cause' she can't handle a party with anypony dressed for anythin' less than a gala."

“I mean, it’s not too bad,” began Sweetie Belle. “At least I’m related to the best dressmaker around, huh?”

“True enough,” Apple Bloom chuckled. “But I don’t know if I can handle her going all crazy tryin’ to get me in some frilly dress.” Sweetie Belle shrugged.

“We have to pay somehow!” The two fillies continued to laugh and joke as Scootaloo gritted her teeth. The thought of Rarity just suggesting a dress for her made her insides churn. The last thing she’d want to do is put one on! Flashbacks to her parents' attempts at getting her to dress up brought only painful memories. She glanced back at her friends.

They seemed fine, excited almost. Why wasn’t she? It had been a while since the three of them really had a chance to hang out, so she should enjoy this. She bit her lip. There’s no way she’s letting this opportunity get away just because she’s feeling weird. Sometimes you got to take one for the team. She spoke up.

“So, what day are you girls thinking?”

“Fifty-two seconds!”

The scratchy voice met Scootaloo’s ears as she fell to the ground, her legs feeling like jelly. The hard dirt she was laying on soon began to feel like a premium mattress to her. She struggled to take in large gulps of air as a flash of rainbow flew in the corner of her eye. She smiled as a cyan hoof helped her get back on her hooves.

“Th...that’s… five seconds off!” she happily declared. Part of Scootaloo’s race training consisted of fast, strictly timed laps. They were always the hardest part of her routine, but they were also the most important. A water bottle and a giant grin met her.

“Scoots, that was amazing!” Rainbow Dash reiterated. “I didn’t even think that was possible! You’ve gotta be one of the fastest fillies in all of Equestria by now.” Scootaloo took in every word from her big sister as she gulped down the water. Even though Dash has been supporting her for years, she still feels pure amazement and pride whenever the mare compliments her. The young filly set down the container and jokingly puffed out her chest.

“You better believe it!” Scootaloo yelled. Rainbow laughed and placed a hoof on the orange pony’s shoulder.

“Seriously kid, you’re doing amazing,” Dash continued before glancing at the watch strapped onto her foreleg. “But it looks like training time’s up for today. You wanna grab some grub?” Scootaloo grinned, about to accept, but then remembered her plans.

Dresses.

“Actually… I can’t today…” she mumbled, a new frown coming over her. Rainbow immediately noticed the change.

“Woah, you okay? What’s going on?”

“I have to go with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle to the boutique. We have to get dresses for the stupid graduation.” She didn’t actually believe the graduation was stupid, but the whole situation was making her feel stupid, so she figured it deserved the title.

“Oh, I see…” Rainbow trailed off. “I was worried about letting Rarity make me a dress too. She can get a little too insane when trying to make you look nice, but overall it’s not that bad. Take that from a mare who hates being all froufrou just as much as you! Plus, I’m sure you’ll end up looking great in whatever she makes. She definitely has a way of doing that.”

Scoots sighed. She didn’t care about how she looked. She didn’t even care about dealing with a little of Rarity’s crazy side. It was the dress itself. She knew Rarity would have something beautiful prepared for her, and she would probably look great, but something just didn’t feel right. As she visualized herself in those clothes she began to get nauseous again, and the fifty-two-second lap she had just sprinted wasn't helping. But she swallowed it down. She needed to do this for her friends.

“You’re right. Thanks, Rainbow,” she replied with a fake smile.

“Alright kid. Good luck, and I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon!”

Scootaloo took a breath and walked into the nicely decorated shop. Dresses, scarves, boots, and hats galore were scattered about. Every item of clothing had an air of perfection and masterful craft. As much as she hated what she was about to do, the filly couldn’t help but admire Rarity’s work. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle followed close behind Scootaloo, although this time not as cheerful as before.

“You okay Scoots?” Apple Bloom inquired with a concerned tone. “You’ve been awfully quiet today.” Scootaloo quickly forced a grin onto her face.

“Oh I’m fine!” she corrected, perhaps a bit too aggressively. “You know I’m just not a huge fan of this frilly stuff, but it’s cool. Rarity’s gonna make us look great after all!” It took all of her effort to push anything positive into her tone.

“There you three darlings are!” the fashionista herself called out. “You don’t know how excited I am to show you my creations! You’ll all look absolutely fabulous, probably the most beautiful young mares at the hall!” She skipped over to the three with a look of admiration in her eyes. “Growing up so fast…” she said in a babyish tone as she patted Sweetie Belle’s head. The filly rolled her eyes in response and shook off her sister’s hoof.

"Rarity..." she complained, only earning a small smirk from the unicorn.

“Well, I can’t wait much longer! Come take a look and tell me what you think!” Rarity traveled towards the back of the shop where a large cloth-covered three pony-sized lumps. With a quick tug of her dark blue magic, the cover was removed. “And, voila!”

Just as expected, the outfits were gorgeous. Sweetie Belle’s dress was a mixture of dark and light blues with a pale green accent along its side. At its end, the silk turned nearly clear and was covered in shimmering glitter. Apple Bloom’s was a dark red, only a little deeper than her mane color. It wasn’t quite as elaborate as Sweetie’s, but its simplicity added to its beauty. And finally, Scootaloo’s. A deep purple and a magenta matching her mane faded into each other along the fabric that eventually frayed out at the dress's end. A matching purple necklace also dangled from the model displaying the work. A few moments of silence passed before the three realized one of them needed to speak or else Rarity’s looks of pure apprehension may be stuck on her face forever. Or, she may just explode.

“I love it Rarity!” Sweetie Belle smiled as she walked up to hers. “Thank you so much for doing this, you’re the best big sister ever!” Sweetie hugged her sister whose eyes began to fill once again with pride. “Can I try it on?”

“Well of course! How could you not?” Rarity exclaimed. There are many ways I could not, thought Scootaloo. Escaping through the window, faking a hoof cramp, pretending to pass out...

“Here you are Scootaloo darling,” Rarity said happily as she placed Scootaloo’s dress in her hooves. She forced herself to mutter a thank you before walking towards the mirrors where Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were already working on getting into their outfits. Once again fighting nausea, she started to put hers on.

She made great efforts to avoid looking directly into the mirror and instead turned her attention towards her friends. Sweetie Belle was beaming at her reflection, moving every which way just to get another look at herself. The outfit suited her perfectly, making the already pretty mare glow even brighter. Apple Bloom was doing something similar to Sweetie, but in a way that reflected a slight amount of self-consciousness. Scootaloo believed it was completely unwarranted. She looked absolutely stunning. How a simple dress could make an already beautiful mare even more gorgeous remained a mystery to her. Scootaloo shook her head. She wasn’t sure exactly where that thought had come from, but she was sure that it wasn’t something she should be focusing on.

But that only left one thing to focus on.

The moment her eyes met her reflection, those butterflies in her belly turned into a rock. She gritted her teeth as she tried to step around like Sweetie Belle, hoping to find some angle that would make her feel okay. But she never found one. Everything was wrong. Even her face began to look wrong. The feeling was so overpowering that she felt a physical urge to run.

“Oh Scootaloo, you look like a princess darling!” Rarity’s seemingly mocking voice reached her ears. That was the last straw. She tore off the outfit, ran out of the boutique, and heaved into the bushes.

Yeah, the stomach flu. That’s why I couldn’t go.

Scootaloo turned in her bed, trying not to listen to the music coming from the town hall just a few blocks away.

You girls go without me, it’s okay, really.

She pulled her pillow over her head as her eyes began to burn and her chest began to lurch.

Just make sure to have enough fun for all three of us!

Tears began to cover her sheets. She just wanted to spend time with her friends.

What is wrong with me?

A thought came to her mind.

No, of course not. I’m not like that.

But the thought stayed, forming a looming fog in her head.

Chapter 2

Present Day

“You two ready to get your flanks beat?” Scootaloo yelled as she ran ahead of her two friends. Both of them shook their heads as they trotted further down Ponyville’s dirt road.

“Now, if ya can recall, you should remember that I wasn’t half bad at roller skatin’ last time we went,” announced Apple Bloom. “I even remember beatin’ your flank in a race or two.”

“That was two years ago Bloom,” Scootaloo scoffed. “You’re looking at a pony capable of a fifty-two-second lap now! I’m gonna race circles around you.”

“Whatever you say airhead.”

“Oh Apple Bloom, where’s your pink bow?” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, suddenly noticing the pink fabric missing from the top of her friend’s head. Instead, two small green bows were placed near the end of her mane and tail. Bloom shrugged.

“Wanted to try somthin’ different. Plus it’s not easy to skate with that big thing gettin’ tangled up in everything,” she explained. “Granny suggested these. Apparently Ma used to wear her mane like this all the time.”

“It looks cute!” Scootaloo stated matter of factly.

“Wow Scootaloo, I didn’t even know that word was in your dictionary!” Sweetie Belle teased.

“Wait-no, it’s not! I just-” she tried to defend herself. Why did she even say that? “Oh forget it. Look, we’re here.”

The Zippity Rink had seen better days. The roller skating hang-out had opened up around the time the threes’ older sisters had been just fillies. It remained a very popular spot before its ownership got handed down the family line just a few years back. Since then, it hasn’t been kept in prime condition. The green and black sign at its entrance was faded, the paint chipping away. A few bird nests even populated the corners of the building. But this didn’t keep many little ponies from visiting one of their favorite childhood locations, despite their parents’ protests.

The three walked inside, paid four bits each to the bored-looking stallion behind the beat-up counter, and grabbed their skates. From what Scootaloo could see, there were about ten other ponies around the rink. There was one family of three, and the rest were other teens from town whom she recognized by name. As she pushed herself out into the crowd, the railing she was leaning on gave an ominous creak before a giant crack appeared along its middle. She shrugged. Not abnormal for the Zippity.

“Alrighty then, time to show ya how it’s done!” Apple Bloom called out before zooming by Scoots. The orange filly responded with an arrogant smirk.

“Oh, you’re on!”

Sweetie Belle, not much of a racer herself, struggled behind the two for a moment. Her hooves went in every direction as she tried to pick up just a little speed. This maneuver proved unsuccessful, however, as she soon tumbled hard onto the floor, doing a full spin nearly five times over across the wood. The other two crusaders quickly stopped to check on their friend, but after she gave an all-clear, they burst out laughing.

“Oh whatever, you two,” Sweetie remarked, brushing a concerning amount of dust off of her white coat as she stood on unsteady hooves. “You know I’ve never been good at this!”

“Yeah, but that’s what makes it fun!” Scoots replied, continuing her burst of laughter.

“Alright, before we watch Sweetie wipe out again-” Apple Bloom began as she reached into her green saddlebag.

“Hey!”

“-let’s get a photo for the book!” She pulled out a camera and held it in front of the three. Sweetie refused to smile. Bloom took the shot anyway. “Perfect!”

“Sometimes I don’t know why I’m friends with you two,” the unicorn mumbled, but a small smile crept unwillingly onto her face.

“Hey Sweetie Belle!” a voice called out. Scootaloo realized that it sounded both familiar and new at the same time. When she looked up she saw Button Mash making his way towards them.

“Button! How are you?” Sweetie responded, moving cautiously up to the young colt. It had been a couple of years since Scootaloo had seen the gamer pony. He was one grade above her, and since they were never close by any means, they hadn’t stayed in touch. She was shocked at how different his voice sounded. Most of the squeakiness was gone, replaced by a deeper tone. He even looked different! He was now taller than Sweetie, by quite a bit, and his face was no longer soft and pudgy, but lean and sharp. A thought rained down from the cloud.

When will that happen to me?

Scoots shook her head. No, that doesn’t happen to mares. And that’s what she was. A young mare. She cringed at the thought but pushed it away. She didn’t want to think about that now.

Caught up in her own thoughts, the pegasus didn’t even realize that Button and Sweetie had started to delve into their own conversation. From what she could pick up, it seemed like they were discussing a newly released two-player game. She would never have considered Sweetie Belle to be somepony who was into video games, but that perception didn’t stop her from meeting Button Mash’s skill level in nearly every game they played together.

“Hey, while those two catch up, you wanna try an actual race?”Apple Bloom interrupted. “Or are ya too chicken?” Scootaloo’s ears perked and burned at the childhood nickname. Without a warning, she smirked, fluttered her wings, and zipped past the taken aback farm pony. “Hey! Wait up! That’s cheatin’!”

Scootaloo sighed as she stepped into her room. After a fun day with friends, coming home was always extremely underwhelming. Snores continued emanating from the living room as she closed her door. Her dad was, once again, asleep on the couch surrounded by four empty bottles. Her mom was currently on a business trip to Appleloosa, meaning she was under his care for a whole week and a half. This usually entails making her own dinners every night, but today she was able to eat out with her friends before arriving home. She was unable to express her gratefulness for the free food to them.

She plopped onto her bed. Today was great. She trained with Rainbow Dash, went skating with her friends, ate a good meal, and even got some scootering in before dusk. Groaning from frustration, she shoved her head into her pillow. So why wasn’t she happy? It had been a day just like any other when she was younger. What was different?

She got back up and trotted slowly towards her mirror. She looked herself over. Deep down, she knew what was wrong. She knew what these thoughts were, but she didn’t want to admit it. So, she simply repeated the weekly routine she had been doing for nearly two years.

She checked her height. Any taller? Nope. She examined her face. Any less round? Nope. She felt across her hooves. Any tougher? Not even in the slightest. She knew mares didn’t usually get these things, but some do. Maybe she would get lucky. After a few more tests, she fell down to her haunches in defeat.

This is how it always went, always leaving her more disappointed than the last time. And the feelings kept getting worse. They made her want to escape herself so much that she could barely handle it. She just wanted to feel normal again. But she knows that if she doesn't face herself soon, she won’t last much longer.

Then suddenly, it came to her. She knew there was only one thing that would make her feel okay again, although it certainly wasn’t normal. She couldn’t keep running from it.

I need to fix this. But how?

Her parents were an automatic no-go. The idea of telling Rainbow terrified her. What would her sister think? Her friends?

Her heart sank. What if they didn’t accept her? She can’t risk losing them!

She took a deep breath.

I just need to be honest with myself first. I’ll figure out the rest later.

So Scootaloo moved back towards the bed, climbed under the covers, and laid his head onto the pillow. And finally, the cloud began to thin.