Transcendent

by Unicornucopia

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sex, Main 7 (EqG), Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, Romance, Silver Spoon, Drama, Trixie, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Suicide / Self Harm
Length: 4794

After the Fall Formal last year, the main 7 have formed an unbreakable bond. But when Rarity reveals a secret about her past, the power of friendship may not be enough to hold them together.

Rarity has a secret. A secret that nearly destroyed her once. Now, five years since that traumatic incident, Rarity struggles to hide her past from her friends and especially her girlfriend, the element of honesty.

Published 2019-03-03 05:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-08-22 21:15:34 UTC

Picture Perfect

In Rarity’s house, everything was exactly as it had been for the last five years, perfect. Today was the first day of her senior year of High School and she intended to be the perfect picture of elegance and femininity. Image was everything to her, as a teenager and an aspiring fashion designer. Especially if she was going to put as much space as possible between who she was now, and her previous image.

As Rarity went about her morning routine, she ran through her mental checklist of daily events. Teeth brushed, new outfit on, hair combed and styled, makeup on, little sister gorging herself on cereal. Everything was precisely as it should be. It was 7:06 and they had until 7:45 to get to school. Rarity couldn’t be sure that 39 minutes would be enough time to put the finishing touches on their grand entrances. Rarity normally had no problem leaving her sister to her own devices when it came to getting ready for the day but today she took over and handled everything. She was willing to put up with the impatient fifteen-year-old, if only so her sister can have the perfect start to her Sophomore year. Rarity knew better than anyone how that first impression could make or break a person’s social life. She couldn’t afford to settle for less than perfection.

Sweetie Belle was so much more sensitive than she had been and tears to bullies were like honey to flies. While her sister didn’t have any earth-shattering secrets like she did, she knew that even something as small as the wrong shoes could make someone a social pariah. As the family fashionista, and since their parents were hopeless, it was her sworn duty to keep her sister from being bullied over her outfits. She would let Sweetie Belle's friends handle the rest.

Rarity combed her fingers through her baby sister’s curly hair, closed her eyes, and tried to calm herself before her anxiety welled up. She and their parents were the only ones who knew her secret. She couldn't bring herself to tell anyone else. Even her best friends didn't know, and they had known each other for years. If anyone discovered who she used to be, their friendship would be over. Her life and Sweetie's would be over.

Rarity sighed and checked the time again, 7:13, that was late enough. She tapped her sister's shoulder and spoke, leaning across the table to pluck an apple from their unnecessarily ornate fruit bowl.
“Alright, Sweetie Belle finish your breakfast so we can get to school. It's time I taught you the fine art of dazzling your peers.”

Rarity struck a pose, though the effect was ruined by the apple in her hand. Minutes later the girls were out the door and heading to school. Along the way, Rarity regaled her younger sister with stories of her many grand entrances and exits throughout her school career. Sweetie said nothing the entire time, but Rarity knew she was rapt by the way she watched Rarity’s lips, lightly kicked her feet and tapped her thumb against her fingers. It was something she’d watched her sister do for years. Every fidget or ‘stim’ her sister did was a clue as to what she was thinking or how she was feeling. After fifteen years, Rarity knew them all.

They finally arrived just five minutes before the bell, Rarity would’ve liked to be later, but she knew Sweetie hated being late. She would be anxious and miserable for at least an hour if she stepped into class even a minute late. No grand entrance was worth ruining her sister’s day.
Rarity didn’t mind being on time too much though, not when she knew Applejack and Applebloom would be waiting for them.

Just as she suspected, both girls were standing in front of the school entrance. Sweetie and Applebloom hugged and jumped up and down like they hadn’t seen each other in months, even though they’d had a sleepover at Sweet Apple Acres just a few nights ago.

Rarity shook her head and sighed. As hard as it was for Rarity to believe her little sister befriended a farm girl, it was even harder to believe that Rarity herself was dating the girl’s older sister. Though honestly, with Sweetie’s penchant for making messes it made sense that she would enjoy spending time on a farm. Rarity, on the other hand, had no such excuse. The only thing she liked about the farm was the apples that grew there and of course, the Apple family. With that in mind, Rarity wrapped her arms around Applejack and kissed her, enjoying the rough girl’s surprisingly soft lips and breathing in the familiar scent of apples.

In ten minutes, school would start, and anything more than hand-holding would be strictly off-limits. In the safety and warmth of her girlfriend’s arms Rarity dared to wonder if she could still have this if she told Applejack her secret. She felt a wave of guilt threaten to cave in her chest. There was no 'if‘, she had to tell Applejack the truth. She deserved to know that no matter what, Rarity trusted her implicitly.
“I love you.”

Rarity murmured into Applejack’s neck. She didn’t know if the other girl heard her. She didn’t even know if she wanted her to.
“Love you too, Sugarcube.”

Rarity wanted to cry. She wasn’t so sure she deserved that love anymore. She was practically lying to her girlfriend. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but withholding information was still dishonest and she knew there was nothing Applejack hated more than a liar.
The shrill cry of the school bell jolted Rarity out of her thoughts and out of Applejack’s arms. She let out a silent scream before she realized what the sound was and glanced around hoping no one saw her behave in such an undignified manner. Luckily no one had noticed, besides Applejack who saw the whole thing and even had the nerve to laugh at her. Rarity pouted at her girlfriend, exaggeratedly turned up her nose and stomped into the building.

A Tangled Web

Rarity sat on a bench with her girlfriend, watching the trains pull into the station. After a few minutes, she spotted Applejack’s cousin, Babs. Even though Rarity hadn’t seen Babs since she was eight, she hadn’t changed much. At least not as drastically as Rarity herself.
“Babs, it’s nice to finally meet you. Welcome to Canterlot City! Or I suppose I should say welcome back.”
Rarity watched Applejack pull her cousin into a bone-crushing hug. It must have been an everyday occurrence for the Apple’s though because Babs didn’t seem uncomfortable. Though she definitely didn’t look happy. Whether it was her teenage pride or the fact that she hadn’t seen Applejack in years was anyone’s guess.
“Thanks, Rarity, it’s nice to meet you too.”

“I can’t believe I haven’t been here in four years. It looks the same. ”

“Rarity... is it possible we met before today? I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before. Have you ever been to Sweet Apple Acres? Maybe we met the last time I visited?”
“I’m sorry to say I don’t recognize you, Babs. My first trip to the farm was when I was fourteen. According to Applejack that was after your last visit. Although I’ve lived in the city my whole life, so there’s a chance we crossed paths somewhere else if only briefly.”

Rarity picked at the hem of her skirt. She hated lying and worse, knew that Applejack could see through her lie. Applejack could pick out a lie anywhere and she despised liars. The last thing in the world she wanted was for Applejack to despise her. Why was such a simple conversation like walking a tightrope? What kind of life was she living?
“Oh, well did you maybe go to school with Applejack?”
“Um… no, I went to a different school. I didn’t even meet Applejack until I was fourteen.”
“Oh, what school did you go to?"
Rarity hoped Babs didn’t notice her hesitation. The last thing she needed was to seem suspicious but there was no way out of it. If she continued lying to Babs, Applejack would notice and question her about it. If she told the truth it could unravel the lie that was the last five years of her life. She felt a surge of frustration at Babs’ prying before she realized that this was a perfectly normal conversation. If Babs had asked these questions to anyone else it would be fine. Rarity only felt like she was being interrogated because she had something to hide.

“I must confess darling, I may have been a bit misleading. I didn’t go to school there… or anywhere. I was homeschooled until High School."
“Oh, that.... make sense.”

Another half-truth, and a poor one at that. Now Babs and Applejack knew something was up. Rarity was sure she couldn’t look more guilty if her skirt caught fire. Her only consolation was that they would almost never guess why. Not unless they checked Applejack’s yearbook. Her picture was old and her name was different now, but everyone’s old pictures were still recognizable. Rarity felt the all too familiar anxiety coiling in her stomach. Lying was exhausting, and it was getting harder to keep her secret safe. The stress she was constantly under, the toll it was taking on her relationship was becoming too much to bear. For the first time in her life, she seriously considered revealing her secret.

“Why don’t we go and meet the Crusaders. Those three can get so impatient. If we dawdle too long, they’ll have already caused some chaos by the time we find them.”
Rarity smiled as sweetly as she could and picked up her pace forcing the other girls to practically chase her the rest of the way to the farm.

“I can’t believe it! Rarity you’ve got to see this!”
Applejack rushed into the room and waved something at Rarity’s face. Rarity blanched when she realized what Applejack had found. It was a yearbook, her middle school yearbook. Or as Rarity would’ve called it, the worst possible thing. Applejack was all but vibrating with excitement as she presented the book to Rarity.

Rarity’s mind was racing. There was no way to get rid of the book without calling attention to herself. Her anxiety went into overdrive as she tried and failed to find a way out of the situation.
“You okay Rarity? You’re looking even paler than usual.”
“I’m fine darling…” Rarity trailed off, Applejack had just presented her with a golden opportunity.
“I’m just a bit tired is all. I think I may just… go home.”
“Hmm… I guess we did do a lot of running around today, more than you’re used to at least. Let’s get you home. I can show you my embarrassing yearbook photo some other time.”
“On second thought, I‘d rather not walk all that way. Applejack how would you like to have a sleepover of our own?”
Normally, Rarity dreaded the idea of sleepovers, especially when the Crusaders would be in the next room. But right now this was her best chance of keeping everyone out of the yearbook and off of her back. After all, there was no way Applejack would turn down a chance to have her girlfriend to herself. Mission accomplished.

As she moved to follow Applejack to her room, Rarity surreptitiously slid the yearbook into her bag to dispose of later.
“So are you gonna tell me what’s really wrong?”
“It’s nothing really, I just wanted to spend some time with you… alone.”
Rarity batted her lashes at her girlfriend and tried her best to sound genuine. Hopefully, Applejack would write off her odd behavior as nerves. In a way, it was the truth. She was incredibly nervous about being found out. The yearbook had been one near miss amid so many others. And now she was practically inviting Applejack to expose her secret. Rarity draped herself across Applejack’s bed and beckoned to her girlfriend. She smiled as Applejack’s seemingly stunned form came to life and rushed to join her. Rarity grabbed a fistful of Applejack’s hair and pulled her into a kiss. Applejack broke the kiss first and grinned at her.
“You’re full of surprises aren’t you Rarity?”
Rarity laughed breathlessly and kissed her again.
“You have no idea darling.”
Buttons flew and in moments both girls were missing their shirts. Now things were veering into dangerous territory. They had gotten this far plenty of times but never further. Every time Applejack’s hands trailed to her skirt Rarity stopped cold. Not for lack of wanting but she could never tell Applejack the real reason. Rarity forced the thought out of her mind for now and instead focused on the soft skin of her girlfriend’s neck. She set to work leaving a trail of bright red along Applejack’s orange skin. She worked her way down to Applejack’s toned stomach before her anxiety struck again. Rarity closed her eyes and sighed as Applejack’s body trembled beneath her.

Part of her wanted to get it over with, to rip off the bandaid and see what would become of her relationship. The other part knew that whatever happened wouldn’t be pretty. So she would make do. She would continue her dangerous dance and settle for moments like the one she was making. She didn’t dare hope for more.

Rarity opened her eyes to find Applejack sitting up staring at her, the concern plain on her face. Once again things stopped before they could really start. Guilt clawed at her stomach replacing the heat that had been there just moments ago. Applejack started to speak but a look from Rarity silenced her. Instead, she went to her closet and wordlessly offered Rarity a pair of her pajamas. In the few minutes it took for Rarity to get dressed, Applejack had stripped off her pants and passed out on top of her blanket. Rarity spent the rest of the night thinking about the life she wanted and what it would take to get it. By the time the sun came up, Rarity had made her choice. It was time for her secret to come out.

The Announcement

Rarity paced through the hall waiting for her friends. She had texted each of them this morning to meet her outside the janitor's closet. Today was the fateful day when she would tell her friends her secret. Ironically she would be going into a closet to come out of the closet. But she couldn’t risk going to the band room. It was practically their room since hardly anyone else used it, but it wasn’t theirs and more importantly, it wasn’t private. Cramming seven people into one tiny room was the best way to make sure her secret only came out on her terms.
After three minutes painfully long minutes everyone confirmed that they were coming to meet her. They had even asked if she was okay. It warmed Rarity's heart to know how much her friends cared but it also made her heart ache. She couldn't bear to think of how she would feel if they rejected her. She wanted to believe they wouldn’t, they readily accepted Rainbow Dash but there were some key differences between her and Rainbow. Tears pooled in her eyes and she squeezed them shut. She pulled out her phone to tell the others she’d changed her mind when she heard a high pitched squeal that could only be Pinkie.

She looked up and saw six expectant faces staring at her, each with a mix of concern and curiosity. Rarity sighed, she knew there was no turning back now. She steeled herself and strode into the janitor’s closet knowing the other girls would file in behind her. She had never been more afraid in her life. There had been one other time, the day she’d revealed this same secret to her family. But that had gone wonderfully, she only hoped this would go just as well.

Before long everyone was gathered around her, waiting. She took a deep breath. It was time. No more stalling. She cleared her throat and began to speak.
“Alright girls, I’ve made you all wait long enough. The reason I called you all in here is that I have something I need to tell you. Something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time now. I should preface this by letting you know that it’s nothing serious and that the only reason I’ve waited this long is simply that I was afraid of how you would react. And that there isn’t any way to say this besides just saying it. But please, I must implore you, let me finish saying my piece before you say anything.”

Rarity waited for each girl to nod her assent before continuing. She tried to remain calm but found herself twisting her hair between her fingers. An old habit she still hadn’t managed to quit but it kept her grounded in the present.

“I’ve kept this secret for about four years now. Five years ago, I told my parents and my little sister. Before that, I’d kept it to myself since I was nine years old. Once the secret was out to my family, I decided I wanted to forget that there was ever a secret in the first place. I spent so long being different that as soon as I had the chance to hide it, I did. It felt so good to be seen as no different than any other girl that I never wanted anyone to know. I didn’t see myself as different anymore and no one else would ever know, so I felt no need to bring it up. But I am not ashamed of who I was or who I became. I’m a clothing designer, a High School senior and I’m a transgender girl.”
Rarity shut her eyes and braced herself for the fallout that was sure to come. The air was still and the room was eerily silent. Rarity felt her heart hammering in her chest. She was shaking and she could barely breathe. She desperately wanted someone to speak and yet was terrified of what she would hear. Nothing changed for what felt like several minutes and suddenly, she got her wish. Her eyes snapped open in shock at the sound of Pinkie’s uncharacteristically angry voice.

“I can't believe you!” Pinkie shrieked in outrage. Her fluffy hair bouncing around as she waved her arms. Rarity shrunk into herself. Despite being a head taller than the other girl she was terrified of this exact reaction. She peeked through one eye at her friend or perhaps her former friend and was surprised to see, not a disgusted sneer but a disappointed pout on her the girl’s face. Rarity opened her mouth to speak when she was cut off by Pinkie’s signature exaggerated whine.

“I mean how could you think WE, your best friends in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD, would stop loving you just because some silly doctor said 'it’s a boy’ when you were born! Especially since we’re all friends with Rainbow Dash too!”

Rarity was stunned. She was just about to tell Pinkie off for playing with her emotions and pretending to be angry at her when she realized that Pinkie was upset with her just not for the reason she’d expected. Pinkie wasn’t angry at her because she was trans. She didn’t think Rarity had tricked her into befriending a boy. Pinkie was upset because she didn’t trust that the girls she’d been friends with for years would be accepting of her. It must’ve been a huge shock for Rarity to effectively confess that she’d been hiding an integral part of herself because she didn’t trust them. The more she thought about it the worse she felt. She had been hurt the last time she came out to her friends, but that was a long time ago and those were different friends. After everything they've been through together, how could she think it would be anything like before? She should’ve known her old friends were nowhere near the same league as her new ones. Rarity felt the knot in her stomach return full force. Only this time it wasn’t fear, but guilt that made her feel like she was drowning in wet cement.
Rarity supposed she should’ve known better especially given that Rainbow Dash was completely open about being trans. But she was so sure that they were different. Rainbow had been a girl since before Rarity knew she was one and everyone accepted Rainbow. They had the same group of friends! Why did she think she would get pitchforks and torches when Rainbow Dash was more than welcome?

Before she knew what she was doing, a laugh bubbled out of her throat. Then a louder, more hysterical laugh. Before long she was letting out harsh almost shrieking laughs and tears poured down her face, undoubtedly ruining her makeup. In the back of her mind, she thought she must’ve looked insane, crying and howling with laughter crammed into a tiny janitor’s closet. She barely composed herself when Applejack finally broke the silence.
“Uh, Sugarcube… you feelin’ alright?”
"Oh!” Rarity cleared her throat. "Yes, of course, darling. I’m fine, thank you.”

Rainbow Dash’s typically impatient voice cut in. "Then what was that all about!” Rainbow Dash had her hands on her hips and frowned at her. She tapped her foot getting more exasperated by the second. Rarity’s eyes darted around the room as she tried to come up with a satisfying answer. She normally thrived under pressure but this time Rarity was coming up blank. She would have to just tell the truth and hope her friends didn’t think she sounded too crazy.

“Oh! Well, um I was just thinking… about how silly this all was. Here I was getting myself all worked up expecting to be cast out of the group in exile and it was just ridiculous! After all that, it turned out that you were all more upset with me for keeping a secret than the secret itself. So I just couldn’t help but laugh at the whole thing.”
“Um... do you think we could get out of here now? If that’s okay.” Fluttershy spoke up from her corner of the tiny room. At once the seven girls were reminded that they were practically standing on each other and shuffled toward the door.
“I think leaving would be quite alright. I think I’ve spent far too much time in the closet anyway.” Rarity winked and giggled at her joke. The others all but roared with laughter.

Everyone filed out of the closet after Rarity who was still quietly laughing.
“Good one Rarity! You do know this means we have to make a bunch more jokes like this. Especially after you tell everyone else.”
Rarity stopped mid-stride. She was so caught up enjoying the moment with her friends that she forgot all about the big reveal she was planning to make during her segment of the morning announcements. As if sensing her mounting anxiety, Sunset wrapped an arm around her shoulders and spoke gently.
“We'll be right there with you just behind the camera. We're proud of you Rarity. You're being incredibly brave.”
Twilight copied the gesture and added. “You shouldn't worry too much Rarity. The camera loves you! And of course, so do we!”
Once again, the girls moved in for a much-needed group hug then made their way into the room for the announcements. Just like before Rarity felt her anxiety creeping up on her. The waiting was always worse than the announcement. She even had a speech prepared for this moment. She knew that this was something she had to get just right. She needed to say everything in a way that would make sense to people who didn’t share her experience, who didn’t know her personally. There would undoubtedly be questions and she wouldn’t be able to answer them in the few minutes she would have so her speech would have to encompass as many of those questions as possible without being tangential. She had a monumental task before her, revealing personal information and representing her identity to the people who had likely only known one out trans person. That absolutely would not do, as that person would have to be Rainbow Dash, and the only thing Rarity had in common with her was a few letters in their names.
Finally, it was time for her segment, she could feel her pulse quickening but felt herself relax again as she saw her friends giving her reassuring grins and several thumbs up.
The camera cut to her and she readied her cards just out of the camera’s view.
“Hello everyone, it’s me Rarity, with the latest fashion trends.”
She pulled something out of her bag and hid it from the camera. Even her friends didn’t know she had this planned. But she had to, how else could she make her coming out relevant to a fashion announcement. Rarity had struggled with that for a while but she was nothing if not creative.
“The newest fashion trend is… stripes!”
Rarity pulled out the flag and held it out so the camera could capture it properly. Behind the camera, her friends all shared looks of surprise and delight. She thought Rainbow Dash looked especially thrilled. Casting a small smile their way, she started her speech.
“This particular pattern of stripes is very important to me. For those of you who don’t know, what I am holding in my hand is the transgender pride flag. The blue, pink, and white stripes respectively, represent transgender men, women and nonbinary people, people who are neither men nor women and people who are some combination of woman, man, or neither. I, myself, am transgender. Much like my dear friend Rainbow Dash whom many of you know, I came to this conclusion very early in my life and have lived as my best self for several years. Unlike Rainbow Dash, however, I chose to keep my identity a secret throughout High School. Now I want to be clear that I did not make that choice to deceive anyone, nor was I ashamed of my identity. I have always seen myself as a girl with many facets to my personality, many talents, and interests that I felt would be overlooked if people knew that I was trans. For better or worse, I would be seen differently than other girls and I felt that making such a distinction would be inaccurate. Now I know that I should allow myself to be seen as different, as no two people are the same. I also know now that our differences are what make us interesting people and by keeping this to myself, I was doing the very thing I wanted to avoid. I’m more than happy to share this interesting part of myself with you all and I hope that I’ve set a precedent for self-acceptance, unity and of course, pride. This was Rarity with your latest fashion trends.”

The moment the camera was turned off, the room erupted into thunderous applause and cheers. Before she could react Rarity was scooped up by Applejack and thrown into the air. The scream barely escaped her throat before she fell into the waiting arms of the rest of her friends. On it went, twice more before they finally set her back down. She was panting in the most unladylike fashion but her sheer joy outweighed her desire for poise. She felt happier than she had in years now that she no longer had this secret hanging over her head. She was telling the truth when she said she wasn’t ashamed of being trans but since she first started her transition there had been an ever-present fear of being outed against her will. Now it was finally over, she could enjoy being herself and even if someone did give her a hard time, she had an amazing support system.

As much as she wanted to stay there and bask in the moment, the day had only just begun. They all had classes to go to and activities to prepare for. This would be the first time Rarity faced the student body as a trans girl, but for the first time since waking up that morning, she wasn’t the least bit anxious.

Author's Note

Sorry for the hiatus. I planned to have most of the story finished before publishing this chapter but that didn't happen. I'll try to update more regularly from now on.