Chapters In Rarity’s house, everything was exactly as it had been for the last five years, perfect. Today was the first day of her senior year of High School and she intended to be the perfect picture of elegance and femininity. Image was everything to her, as a teenager and an aspiring fashion designer. Especially if she was going to put as much space as possible between who she was now, and her previous image.
As Rarity went about her morning routine, she ran through her mental checklist of daily events. Teeth brushed, new outfit on, hair combed and styled, makeup on, little sister gorging herself on cereal. Everything was precisely as it should be. It was 7:06 and they had until 7:45 to get to school. Rarity couldn’t be sure that 39 minutes would be enough time to put the finishing touches on their grand entrances. Rarity normally had no problem leaving her sister to her own devices when it came to getting ready for the day but today she took over and handled everything. She was willing to put up with the impatient fifteen-year-old, if only so her sister can have the perfect start to her Sophomore year. Rarity knew better than anyone how that first impression could make or break a person’s social life. She couldn’t afford to settle for less than perfection.
Sweetie Belle was so much more sensitive than she had been and tears to bullies were like honey to flies. While her sister didn’t have any earth-shattering secrets like she did, she knew that even something as small as the wrong shoes could make someone a social pariah. As the family fashionista, and since their parents were hopeless, it was her sworn duty to keep her sister from being bullied over her outfits. She would let Sweetie Belle's friends handle the rest.
Rarity combed her fingers through her baby sister’s curly hair, closed her eyes, and tried to calm herself before her anxiety welled up. She and their parents were the only ones who knew her secret. She couldn't bring herself to tell anyone else. Even her best friends didn't know, and they had known each other for years. If anyone discovered who she used to be, their friendship would be over. Her life and Sweetie's would be over.
Rarity sighed and checked the time again, 7:13, that was late enough. She tapped her sister's shoulder and spoke, leaning across the table to pluck an apple from their unnecessarily ornate fruit bowl.
Rarity struck a pose, though the effect was ruined by the apple in her hand. Minutes later the girls were out the door and heading to school. Along the way, Rarity regaled her younger sister with stories of her many grand entrances and exits throughout her school career. Sweetie said nothing the entire time, but Rarity knew she was rapt by the way she watched Rarity’s lips, lightly kicked her feet and tapped her thumb against her fingers. It was something she’d watched her sister do for years. Every fidget or ‘stim’ her sister did was a clue as to what she was thinking or how she was feeling. After fifteen years, Rarity knew them all.
They finally arrived just five minutes before the bell, Rarity would’ve liked to be later, but she knew Sweetie hated being late. She would be anxious and miserable for at least an hour if she stepped into class even a minute late. No grand entrance was worth ruining her sister’s day.
Just as she suspected, both girls were standing in front of the school entrance. Sweetie and Applebloom hugged and jumped up and down like they hadn’t seen each other in months, even though they’d had a sleepover at Sweet Apple Acres just a few nights ago.
Rarity shook her head and sighed. As hard as it was for Rarity to believe her little sister befriended a farm girl, it was even harder to believe that Rarity herself was dating the girl’s older sister. Though honestly, with Sweetie’s penchant for making messes it made sense that she would enjoy spending time on a farm. Rarity, on the other hand, had no such excuse. The only thing she liked about the farm was the apples that grew there and of course, the Apple family. With that in mind, Rarity wrapped her arms around Applejack and kissed her, enjoying the rough girl’s surprisingly soft lips and breathing in the familiar scent of apples.
In ten minutes, school would start, and anything more than hand-holding would be strictly off-limits. In the safety and warmth of her girlfriend’s arms Rarity dared to wonder if she could still have this if she told Applejack her secret. She felt a wave of guilt threaten to cave in her chest. There was no 'if‘, she had to tell Applejack the truth. She deserved to know that no matter what, Rarity trusted her implicitly.
Rarity murmured into Applejack’s neck. She didn’t know if the other girl heard her. She didn’t even know if she wanted her to.
Rarity wanted to cry. She wasn’t so sure she deserved that love anymore. She was practically lying to her girlfriend. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but withholding information was still dishonest and she knew there was nothing Applejack hated more than a liar.
Rarity sat on a bench with her girlfriend, watching the trains pull into the station. After a few minutes, she spotted Applejack’s cousin, Babs. Even though Rarity hadn’t seen Babs since she was eight, she hadn’t changed much. At least not as drastically as Rarity herself.
“I can’t believe I haven’t been here in four years. It looks the same. ”
“Rarity... is it possible we met before today? I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before. Have you ever been to Sweet Apple Acres? Maybe we met the last time I visited?”
Rarity picked at the hem of her skirt. She hated lying and worse, knew that Applejack could see through her lie. Applejack could pick out a lie anywhere and she despised liars. The last thing in the world she wanted was for Applejack to despise her. Why was such a simple conversation like walking a tightrope? What kind of life was she living?
“I must confess darling, I may have been a bit misleading. I didn’t go to school there… or anywhere. I was homeschooled until High School."
Another half-truth, and a poor one at that. Now Babs and Applejack knew something was up. Rarity was sure she couldn’t look more guilty if her skirt caught fire. Her only consolation was that they would almost never guess why. Not unless they checked Applejack’s yearbook. Her picture was old and her name was different now, but everyone’s old pictures were still recognizable. Rarity felt the all too familiar anxiety coiling in her stomach. Lying was exhausting, and it was getting harder to keep her secret safe. The stress she was constantly under, the toll it was taking on her relationship was becoming too much to bear. For the first time in her life, she seriously considered revealing her secret.
“Why don’t we go and meet the Crusaders. Those three can get so impatient. If we dawdle too long, they’ll have already caused some chaos by the time we find them.”
“I can’t believe it! Rarity you’ve got to see this!”
Rarity’s mind was racing. There was no way to get rid of the book without calling attention to herself. Her anxiety went into overdrive as she tried and failed to find a way out of the situation.
As she moved to follow Applejack to her room, Rarity surreptitiously slid the yearbook into her bag to dispose of later.
Part of her wanted to get it over with, to rip off the bandaid and see what would become of her relationship. The other part knew that whatever happened wouldn’t be pretty. So she would make do. She would continue her dangerous dance and settle for moments like the one she was making. She didn’t dare hope for more.
Rarity opened her eyes to find Applejack sitting up staring at her, the concern plain on her face. Once again things stopped before they could really start. Guilt clawed at her stomach replacing the heat that had been there just moments ago. Applejack started to speak but a look from Rarity silenced her. Instead, she went to her closet and wordlessly offered Rarity a pair of her pajamas. In the few minutes it took for Rarity to get dressed, Applejack had stripped off her pants and passed out on top of her blanket. Rarity spent the rest of the night thinking about the life she wanted and what it would take to get it. By the time the sun came up, Rarity had made her choice. It was time for her secret to come out.
Rarity paced through the hall waiting for her friends. She had texted each of them this morning to meet her outside the janitor's closet. Today was the fateful day when she would tell her friends her secret. Ironically she would be going into a closet to come out of the closet. But she couldn’t risk going to the band room. It was practically their room since hardly anyone else used it, but it wasn’t theirs and more importantly, it wasn’t private. Cramming seven people into one tiny room was the best way to make sure her secret only came out on her terms.
She looked up and saw six expectant faces staring at her, each with a mix of concern and curiosity. Rarity sighed, she knew there was no turning back now. She steeled herself and strode into the janitor’s closet knowing the other girls would file in behind her. She had never been more afraid in her life. There had been one other time, the day she’d revealed this same secret to her family. But that had gone wonderfully, she only hoped this would go just as well.
Before long everyone was gathered around her, waiting. She took a deep breath. It was time. No more stalling. She cleared her throat and began to speak.
Rarity waited for each girl to nod her assent before continuing. She tried to remain calm but found herself twisting her hair between her fingers. An old habit she still hadn’t managed to quit but it kept her grounded in the present.
“I’ve kept this secret for about four years now. Five years ago, I told my parents and my little sister. Before that, I’d kept it to myself since I was nine years old. Once the secret was out to my family, I decided I wanted to forget that there was ever a secret in the first place. I spent so long being different that as soon as I had the chance to hide it, I did. It felt so good to be seen as no different than any other girl that I never wanted anyone to know. I didn’t see myself as different anymore and no one else would ever know, so I felt no need to bring it up. But I am not ashamed of who I was or who I became. I’m a clothing designer, a High School senior and I’m a transgender girl.”
“I can't believe you!” Pinkie shrieked in outrage. Her fluffy hair bouncing around as she waved her arms. Rarity shrunk into herself. Despite being a head taller than the other girl she was terrified of this exact reaction. She peeked through one eye at her friend or perhaps her former friend and was surprised to see, not a disgusted sneer but a disappointed pout on her the girl’s face. Rarity opened her mouth to speak when she was cut off by Pinkie’s signature exaggerated whine.
“I mean how could you think WE, your best friends in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD, would stop loving you just because some silly doctor said 'it’s a boy’ when you were born! Especially since we’re all friends with Rainbow Dash too!”
Rarity was stunned. She was just about to tell Pinkie off for playing with her emotions and pretending to be angry at her when she realized that Pinkie was upset with her just not for the reason she’d expected. Pinkie wasn’t angry at her because she was trans. She didn’t think Rarity had tricked her into befriending a boy. Pinkie was upset because she didn’t trust that the girls she’d been friends with for years would be accepting of her. It must’ve been a huge shock for Rarity to effectively confess that she’d been hiding an integral part of herself because she didn’t trust them. The more she thought about it the worse she felt. She had been hurt the last time she came out to her friends, but that was a long time ago and those were different friends. After everything they've been through together, how could she think it would be anything like before? She should’ve known her old friends were nowhere near the same league as her new ones. Rarity felt the knot in her stomach return full force. Only this time it wasn’t fear, but guilt that made her feel like she was drowning in wet cement.
Before she knew what she was doing, a laugh bubbled out of her throat. Then a louder, more hysterical laugh. Before long she was letting out harsh almost shrieking laughs and tears poured down her face, undoubtedly ruining her makeup. In the back of her mind, she thought she must’ve looked insane, crying and howling with laughter crammed into a tiny janitor’s closet. She barely composed herself when Applejack finally broke the silence.
Rainbow Dash’s typically impatient voice cut in. "Then what was that all about!” Rainbow Dash had her hands on her hips and frowned at her. She tapped her foot getting more exasperated by the second. Rarity’s eyes darted around the room as she tried to come up with a satisfying answer. She normally thrived under pressure but this time Rarity was coming up blank. She would have to just tell the truth and hope her friends didn’t think she sounded too crazy.
“Oh! Well, um I was just thinking… about how silly this all was. Here I was getting myself all worked up expecting to be cast out of the group in exile and it was just ridiculous! After all that, it turned out that you were all more upset with me for keeping a secret than the secret itself. So I just couldn’t help but laugh at the whole thing.”
Everyone filed out of the closet after Rarity who was still quietly laughing.
The moment the camera was turned off, the room erupted into thunderous applause and cheers. Before she could react Rarity was scooped up by Applejack and thrown into the air. The scream barely escaped her throat before she fell into the waiting arms of the rest of her friends. On it went, twice more before they finally set her back down. She was panting in the most unladylike fashion but her sheer joy outweighed her desire for poise. She felt happier than she had in years now that she no longer had this secret hanging over her head. She was telling the truth when she said she wasn’t ashamed of being trans but since she first started her transition there had been an ever-present fear of being outed against her will. Now it was finally over, she could enjoy being herself and even if someone did give her a hard time, she had an amazing support system.
As much as she wanted to stay there and bask in the moment, the day had only just begun. They all had classes to go to and activities to prepare for. This would be the first time Rarity faced the student body as a trans girl, but for the first time since waking up that morning, she wasn’t the least bit anxious.
Author's Note
Sorry for the hiatus. I planned to have most of the story finished before publishing this chapter but that didn't happen. I'll try to update more regularly from now on.
