The Kiss Of The Pony

You lie with your legs bent, arms on your sides, palms up. You focus your attention on the top of your head and imagine that thick vines are unfolding from it. The process of removal moves to your face then neck, shoulder, arms, chest, belly, and finally legs, leaving after the vines muscles untainted by tension and totally lax. At the end of this exercise you feel unburdened. Light.

You inhale, expanding your belly then chest, and exhale, belly first, chest second. When expanding your chest you make sure that your shoulders and neck don’t get tense. To avoid this you use your intercostals instead. Once the breath is out, a pleasant shiver goes up your spine.

You repeat the same breathing pattern a few times, getting more and more relaxed with each exhalation. At the end of the exercise you feel floaty and without tension, like after a pleasant bath.

For awhile you enjoy this state, then decide to get up.

Usually the end phase of your exercise consists of a long witnessing session, but this time you decide to forego this most important part. Embracing Rainbow will seal the deal today.

You sit on edge of your bed and look at the balcony outside, behind the window. Your eyes absorb the white balustrade made from short white spindles, the orange rectangular tiles of the floor, and the large pool in the middle. If you were to walk to the further side of the balcony, to the place where a wooden table with two straw chairs by its sides stands, you would see the spot where you and Rainbow relaxed and behind it the endless plain of blue.

As you look on the table where an incense holder rests right next to the book that Rainbow is currently reading, you feel memories build up from inside. Memories about your first meeting.

*****

You remember it was evening. You have finished another marathon writing session and, content with the results, decided to take a nice stroll to your favourite place, Oddiyana, settled on the hills overlooking the west end of the town.

You took your time getting to the hills from your end of the city. The weather was good: a cloudless late afternoon sky with a weak chilly wind from the sea that took the bite away from the perpetual tropic heat. The streets were deserted from the hordes of tourists, vacation season long gone.

So slow you went, enjoying the vibe, that by the time you reached the path that went up the hill and right to the pub the sun had already set and twilight taken hold, tinging everything an otherworldly blue.

The beginning of the path was something magical as it went by the right side of a thermal pond issuing warm clubs of mist into the air above. Further ahead the path turned dark and humid with evergreen tropical trees bending their branches over the cobbled road. Midway between heaven and earth, you crossed a dense milky white mist; and the faint yellow lights of electric lamps were your guide through this hazy realm. Out of the fog, you found yourself at the most picturesque place of the road, with the rainforest to your right, a sharp drop down to your left, the empty blue sky above and the evening city below, its orange, yellow, red and green lights dampened by clouds hanging to the hill. The sudden freshness felt like a bliss after the heat of the valley; and the rest of the path felt like a glide among curly clouds and flocks of birds.

When you reached the clearing in front of the pub the sky was night blue and stars sparkled in its vastness. Fireflies flew in circles around the bushes that crept onto the path while the soothing screeching of crickets broke the supreme silence of the peak.

Tired but satisfied you went towards the door of the place, a one storey edifice with a Thai like sloped roof, coloured violet, its ridges decorated by golden flames. You passed past the two guardian lions, went up the three wooden steps, opened the door, and passed inside, the external world left behind.

Oddiyana was the little secret of the town. Since the majority of tourists had no idea it existed, you could visit it at any time of the day and find it half empty. The remoteness and peacefulness allowed for reflective relaxation and attentive contemplation of the beautiful panorama outside.

The more you spent time here, enjoying the pub’s specialty – black tea mixed with white and red petals of local plants – the more you felt dissociated from the city below.

Looking at the hazy outline of the town shrouded in white mist, you got the impression that everything down there was just as ephemeral as the clouds covering it all: that the buildings, cars, and roads themselves came out of the swirls and twirls of the haze and, their mission fulfilled, returned back into the whiteness to rest. Sitting at the top of the hill and observing the ghostly white sea you felt that the islands of forest covered rock emerging from the vapour were the only real solid things in this world of gaseous shade and opaque fog. The meditation produced deep silence and peace, turning you into a sage laughing at the struggles of the people beneath who believed that their world with its rewards, values, and goals was as solid as stone, not evanescent like smoke at the incense stick’s end.

The bar was unusually packed that day. All the tables were occupied. Multitudes of chattering voices drowned the usual lounge music that played inside.

You felt startled then irritated but quickly returned to blissful serenity as the twilight atmosphere of the bar worked its magic on you with its rectangular lamps made from yellow paper that created pools of warm lightning and with gray trails of sandal incense languidly rising from every table and vanishing into emptiness around the ceiling.

You asked the bartender, a beautiful oriental woman who always smiled in a mysterious way and whose intelligent eyes seemed to penetrate right into your soul, why such a crowd was present today.

“It’s full moon,” she responded, preparing your order. “We threw a party. No tourists, just friends – our flock. Our clan. Would you like our special?”

“No thanks,” you said. “I’m only for the drink.”

“And ideas?”

You smiled. “Maybe. Let’s see how it goes.”

Apart from its remoteness and beauty, the place was special because it was the only women only business around. And what women they were… You’ve never seen such beauty concentrated in one place, such a perfect balance between outer and inner grace.

The servants, the barmaid, the cook, had an exceptional warm and depth in their eyes which supplemented perfectly their handsome outer form. You once asked the barmaid where they came from and how did the manager accumulate so much beauty on one hill. You got a wide smile and an enigmatic answer in return.

“We’ve always been here,” she said. “In the circle.”

The most enigmatic feature of all were the tattoos on the left side of their necks. Every servant had one, and each tattoo differed from the rest. One had a crow; another, a cobra; the third one, a vulture. Maybe they belonged to a guild? They were a group of friends? The owner had special requirements? You would never know.

One thing was certain, though. The exceptional women added to the enchanted atmosphere of the place, to the sensation of being lifted from earth and fixed in the sky above.

When your tea was ready the waitress – you noticed that she was the one with the serpent tattoo – approached you, smiling.

“We have one table left,” she said. “Would you like to use it?”

“Okay,” you said.

“Follow me.”

You took the drink, hot in the palm of your right hand, and followed her.

The waitress accompanied you to a table in the far left corner of the pub, with one window to its left and one behind. You smiled. It was your favourite spot in the bar: furthest away from the people and with most beautiful vistas to boot.

However, when the waitress moved away you saw that you wouldn’t be alone for the evening. Your frustration didn’t last long.

You have heard of ponies – it was impossible not to hear of them because the whole world had gone mad since the breach, with physicists hanging from the fact their paradigms have become obsolete and the whole field needed total revision, philosophers drinking themselves to death while rewriting ontology and metaphysics, biologists grinding their teeth from the functioning the alien equines displayed, atheists getting aneurisms from the acts of magic, and a lot of youthful folk dropping their existence this side of the universe to explore the new world – but you had never seen one. Until now.

She was so beautiful.

Like a piece of blue midday sky that detached itself from the firmament she looked, taking the rainbow for its mane.

And her eyes.

One look into their vibrant magenta beauty circling the black serenity of her pupils was enough to get you hooked.

The warm yellow light of the lamp placed on the table softened the liveliness of her mane and the blue of her coat, giving her a magical and intimate vibe, but accentuated the spark in her eyes and the whiteness of her teeth when she smiled.

She looked otherworldly beautiful, too perfect for this world. Every turn of her head, every flutter of her eyelids, every swirl of her mane, had a perfect sense of natural simplicity, of inborn perfection rather than trained behaviour. She didn’t try to be either sensual or innocent, cute or natural. She was that.

You understood in an instant why so many people fell in love with ponies.

By Rainbow Dash captivated, you sat down opposite to her.

Rainbow stared at you, studied the features of your face and body seriously, then smiled, showing her perfect white teeth.

“You feel different,” she said, her voice confident.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“Dunno. Can’t explain it. You just feel different than the rest,” she said. “I’m Rainbow Dash.”

You introduced yourself, then asked what she was doing this side of the universe.

“Wanted to see what the fuss is all about. Everyone in Equestria is bragging about this new place, and how can it be that everyone but me has been here already?”

“How do you find it?”

“Like Manehatten and Las Pegasus but everywhere,”

You tilted your head to the right, confused.

“What?” Rainbow asked.

“Mane...hatten? Las...Pegasus?”

“Yeah! That’s how I said. Something wrong?”

You shook your head. “Not wrong. Just...weird.”

“Why?”

“We have places with similar names. Manhattan and Las Vegas.”

Rainbow, excited, placed her forehooves on the table and bent forward. “No way?! Not only they look like twin copies of our places, they’re are named almost the same? What kind of magic is this?”

“Can’t say. Can you describe your places.”

And so it began. A simple conversation which changed the course of your life.

You couldn’t tell how long your talk lasted. Time ceased to exist while you were listening to Rainbow reporting about Equestria, its places and its cities; about her job as a Wonderbolts protege and weather control; about her Rainboom and talents and friends; about the magic and the creatures of her world. The more you listened, the more you understood why your acquaintances in academia were losing their mind and total cognitive chaos reigned in the world outside. Equestria invalidated everything the public held true about existence, down to such hard sciences as biology and physics. You yourself experienced shock upon hearing about the similarities between cities and cultures of Equestria and Earth, which deepened when you learned that beings of flesh governed the motion of the planet and reached its critical point when Rainbow explained magic and Discord.

The more Rainbow spoke, the more questions you had; however, you couldn’t voice them because she herself had tons of things to ask. She had traveled only a little - “that side of the sea, some big island in the middle, and this side but just on the coast” - but her curiosity was insatiable already. Her question were difficult, though. She asked about magic, why was it absent; about why people looked stuffed and puffed up everywhere she went; why she couldn’t push the clouds away but went right through them; why she couldn’t communicate with cows; why people ruined the sea with garbage; and who controlled the sun and the moon.

Often you ended up scratching your head, unable to do anything but shrug, because the questions were outside everything you knew, of an absolutely different paradigm. The answers to the few questions you could answer in a more or less adequate way – about the movements of planets, behaviour of people, sentience of animals – didn’t bring relief to her. She kept asking new ones – how gravity made the planets move, what made animals stupid, why people were so careless about the environment, why people, who all were the same species, lived in different countries – that couldn’t be explained by a simple quick talk.

The conversation ended pleasantly despite the enormous differences in understanding.

“I like you,” Rainbow said. “We should hang out more.”

“If you want.”

“Cool! Let’s meet here tomorrow evening.”

“No probs.”

Rainbow smiled, nodded, turned left, then lunged forward into the window.

Like an angel she looked with her wings beating against the starry background and her rainbow mane and tail swirling in the invisible currents of air. You couldn’t believe she was real, in the flesh real, as real as the empty cup you were holding in your right hand.

Smiling, Rainbow winked, turned around, and sped up into distance, leaving behind a scintillating rainbow trail whose twinkling and vibrancy disappeared into the blue and starry space like the swirls of incense smoke into the aether.

You were flabbergasted, feeling as confused as the witness of an UFO. The feeling of meeting a pony for the first time, especially one like Rainbow Dash, was the same a Lovecraftian hero felt upon encountering an alien being: an inexpressible emotion that left one insane because the mind couldn’t translate at all what was happening into a satisfying logical answer.

You were so flabbergasted that only when you reached your home you realized one important little thing: Rainbow Dash, a girl, had invited you on a second meeting.

That night, unable to fall asleep, you found yourself thinking about Rainbow. Although you mulled over the things you said you kept focusing on her face, eyes, and mane, how sparkly they looked in the warm yellow light of the lamp. You blamed your insomnia on the encounter with a pony and the implications of their world rather on Rainbow herself.

Five dates later you realized that you had fallen into the abyss of her beautiful warm eyes.

*****

You stand up from the bed, your knees popping, and look ahead at the setting sun that tinged everything golden yellow. The sun is still above the ocean, but in an hour it would descend, creating a maelstrom of orange then red on the horizon. Sunset, sunrise, and the blue hours: the times in between: the best times for union.

You turn left and look at the nightstand filled with books. It’s another of Rainbow’s many surprises. The first impression she gave was of an athlete, but once you were ready to cement her as such she asked what kind of books people here on Earth read. As a result, there's a pile of adventure tales next to Rainbow’s side of the bed. You can see names of the books on the spines: Ulysses, The Divine Comedy, The Dark Tower, The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath, The Journey to The Center of the Earth, Twenty-Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. The one she is reading right now is something new about an alien who made some mistake in his empire and was sent on Earth to examine and correct the behaviour of humans as penance. Rainbow said it’s good. You trust her judgment.

After checking the nightstand you examine the bed, a large oval shaped thing that was filled with water. You liked it because it made sleeping feel like floating in space. Rainbow liked it because it reminded her of daydreaming on clouds.

You smile while your heart explodes from tender warmth as you remember sleeping with Rainbow spooned against your belly and chest. Few things feel as good as wrapping Rainbow into your arms from behind and placing your palms on her chest and feeling her tender heart softly beat its steady rhythm, or moving your hands over her fluffy belly while burying your nose into her fresh smelling mane that reminds you of mountain peaks and fresh high altitude air.

The mornings are the best, when you open your eyes and are greeted by Rainbow’s embrace and her sleepy face. During the night she turns around, and at sunrise instead of you hugging her it’s she who holds you tight as a snare.

If you don’t need to get up, you hug her in return, your nose against her forehead, her warm breath against your neck. The first thing you experience when you try to stand up is pressure on your belly or chest as Rainbow’s hooves try to keep you tied down and close to her. With little perseverance you escape from her arms but you always felt a little bit empty, incomplete, without her strong hug. To amend for the deed you never leave Rainbow without planting a soft tender kiss on the her forehead and shuffling a few wayward strands of hair away from her eyes and behind her ears while gazing at her with tenderness and warmth. You hope that’s the reason why she always looks so beaming, happy, in the mornings.

On the foot board Rainbow’s uniform hangs. Blue on the back side, yellow on the belly side, rings of jagged yellow on the ankles, it looks extremely good on her. It reminds you of the time when you realized that lightness and joy weren’t born out of the simple excitement of meeting with Rainbow but grew out of something else.

*****

After a few meetings the themes of your talks shifted from global to personal. You learned less about Equestria and more about Rainbow’s friends,whose awesomeness she couldn’t stop stop to declare. Yes, Rainbow did come across as very self assured and arrogant and could crack very sharp jokes about you, but her edges were smoothed out by her innate warmth. You couldn’t be annoyed by her over the top character because once she showed that big genuine smile of hers, so innocent and free, you were ready forgive her anything.

And the way she talked about her friends: the way she emphasized Applejack’s persistence, Twilight’s encyclopedic knowledge, Rarity’s aesthetic sense, Pinkie Pie’s merry spirits, and Fluttershy’s patience. She clearly cared about them – a lot – despite trying to make everything about herself. You wondered if she had trouble showing them her appreciation as well.

As the bond thickened and something in you changed, you started meeting frequently. You discovered that the more you met, the more happy Rainbow seemed to get. You guessed that Rainbow had a blind spot about her feelings but what was happening inside her always came out through her face: through her eyes, which always seemed to shine brighter than usual every time she saw you; by her smile which she couldn’t hold back around you at all; and her slips when she tried to look cool, reasonable, and collected only to end up looking cuddly, innocent, and cute.

The lightning bolt that shattered the games you were playing and showed what was really happening struck after your first stay in Equestria.

As the first shocks after the collision of different dimensions came to end and were followed by a feverish period of intense investigation, a lot of people tried their luck in Equestria. The majority didn’t succeed.

The first group of people who plunged into Equestria were the middle class herbivores who had talents that, alas, were only useful on Earth. The usual place of first contact – the Everfree forest – was in itself an ordeal akin to the initiatory trials of mythological and literary heroes. Not many had the strength, cunning, and knowledge to reach the plains outside of Ponyville. The few who somehow managed to get out of the Everfree forest alive and well had to pass, due to lack of proper skills, the second and hardest initiatory test – Applejack’s farm. All but the most fanatical failed to survive even one day of farm work from sunrise to sunset. Despite their niceness, ponies didn’t like freeloaders, so they organized parties that collected the unfortunate ones who had the first traumatic contact with manual work and brought them safely back to Earth.

As rumours spread that it was easier to become a citizen of Switzerland than to get a living permit in Equestria, people in search of a better life gave up chasing luck on the other side. Instead of immigration, the aim became exploration. To avoid accidental disasters, secret unicorn watchers were assigned to each human guest. If someone broke the basic rules – no violence, harassment, stealing or trespassing – she was zapped and brought back to her home world.

You, however, had a clearance to walk freely around Equestria. Rainbow vouched for your character.

Because Rainbow was responsible for you, you made extra effort not to offend or overstep your boundaries.

There were many opportunities.

Twilight Sparkle, for example. Her fanatical adherence to the written word annoyed you the most – if a book says so, it must be true, reality be damned. You were sure Twilight didn’t like you either in return. Considering the way she spoke with others, she was borderline abrasive to you. You didn’t know why and, frankly, didn’t care.

Twilight wasn’t the last boss, though. That place to Rarity belonged. You realized that she was a gold digger by her looks alone. Learning that she was the element of generosity surprised you the most. A generous gold digger felt like an oxymoron but here she was, a creature as mythical as the abominable snowman.

What annoyed you the most was her pissed off tone – as if you had insulted her mother, grandmother, and grand-grandmother just by giving her a single look – and the way she kept roasting your clothes. Why is it all black? Do you have a funeral to attend?

You wanted to shout, How about I strip my clothes off and run naked with horses? Rainbow stopped you. You didn’t want to make her look bad.

The fact how some ponies outright rejected you without giving you a chance was another of the things that made you steamy. Applejack, for instance. She looked like a somepony you could get along with – down to Earth, practical, knows how to parse bullshit from truth, and isn’t afraid to work with her hooves. Yet she said, honestly, that she didn’t want to be friends with you.

“You look like a swindler,” she said, straight.

You didn’t look like a cheater at all – that was the reason everyone trusted you. In the end, you hoped that one day Applejack would change her opinion. Rainbow assured it would happen. You hoped it would turn true.

The most frustrating was Fluttershy. She said you looked scary, like a hero from the tales about sleazy dangerous ponies that roam Manehatten at night.

You were mad that Fluttershy rejected you as a friend. Rainbow had hyped her so much, saying that Flutters was her best friend since forever, emphasizing her kindness and her courage behind her meek facade. “She’ll do everything for friends in need,” Rainbow had said on the road to her cottage. As a consequence, you wanted to give Fluttershy a good impression. Somehow, it failed.

Only your iron will stopped you from saying that you loved all animals and wanted to kill all humans for the biosphere’s sake. Rainbow was more important than bad impressions and glandular reactions. You didn’t want to break her trust in you even if her friends were pushing you over the edge.

By the end of it you felt frustrated and disappointed that you didn’t like Rainbow’s friends and they didn’t like you in return.

“They’ll come around,” Rainbow, smiling, said. “Just give them time. Too many humans decided to be assholes around here. And maybe Rarity’s right: you should wear some colour other than black.”

Apart from clashes with Rainbow’s friends, your time in Equestria was a blast. The vistas – from fields forever rolling, their grass like the sea undulating, to the volcanic lands of the dragons where the whole terrain was blasted, scorched, while lava ran through cracks that looked like capillaries of some gigantic beast. The creatures – the whole mythological bestiary was present. The other ponies – not everyone saw you as an asshole instead of a potential friend. You particularly liked Celestia, her patience, her relaxed movements, and her deep purple eyes which looked as if she had seen and felt everything that was possible to experience; the mailmare with crossed eyes, happy despite her impairment; the green one with the lyre on her flank, easygoing, curious about humans, and like Rainbow in some way; and many more.

Magic was the most difficult event to comprehend. It went against everything – physics, chemistry, physiology, biology, and occultism. Twilight explained that magic involved tapping into some energy and utilizing it for different purposes and that the unicorn’s horn was a focusing device that collected the necessary amount of energy for an operation on its tip. The schools of magic developed concentration and researched ways to increase one’s ability to absorb and utilize the source of power for personal ends.

Weather facilities were the most preposterous things you’ve encountered. Save a few spots here and there, clouds, thunders, mists, and other climatic phenomena didn’t happen on their own accord. Pegasi created them. You couldn’t believe it, but you stopped caring after a tour of the rainbow factory and the taste of its product. It was better to accept the way things are than understand them through human paradigms. That path led to nothing but disappointment and headache.

In Equestria you weren’t writing, reading, or keeping yourself busy. Away from the high tech you felt reflective and just wanted to sit down, your back perched against an apple tree, and watch the movement of the grass all day long. Equestrian serenity was extremely addictive. You wished you could move in somehow and live in some cottage amid the unspoiled valleys and hills.

Because Rainbow was busy with performances and had to travel far away your inward contemplation was enhanced by this solitude which was only broken by the messenger clouds Rainbow sent you once a week. The clouds were totally normal save that upon contact with you memories of places Rainbow visited flashed through your mind along with sensations, emotions, and scents.

Some places were new, foreign. Other familiar and with longing infused. They were places you had visited together, each one housing a special memory, scent and taste: a mood that was precious to you both.

You revisited the fields outside Ponyville that seemed to go on forever where you liked to sit and smell the scent of grass and watch Rainbow perform tricks and ask your opinion about which one was the best. Once again you walked through the twisted streets of Canterlot where tall marble spires rose so high that they threatened to pierce the sky, Rainbow taking a rest from flying by sitting on your shoulders but still keeping her wings beating to make the piggybacking pleasurable for you. One more time you enjoyed the nocturnal solitude of Rainbow Falls while sitting on the border of one of the manifold prismatic pools, Rainbow to your right, and admiring the way the strands of her mane swirled against her forehead, cheeks, and neck, and how her eyes sparkled white under the moonlight, and the way she smiled when she looked at you, and how every time you looked at her you felt the knots that surround the meaning of it all unbind and everything finally made sense.

As a result of these silent meditations you understood what kept you glued to Rainbow Dash, why you wanted to make her happy all the time.

You loved her. Pure and simple.

The simple realization hit you like a train and was followed by other considerations. What to do now? Should you do something or leave it be?

After a restless night spent rolling and ruminating you got up early. You didn’t feel exhausted, though. The memory that Rainbow had a show today lifted you from groggy to absolutely awake. She had mentioned it before and said she wouldn’t mind if you miss it because of different reasons – trouble getting to Cloudsdale, trouble finding the place, trouble getting inside.

There was one thing that made you similar to Rainbow: if you wanted something you would do anything do get it, no matter how ethical or clandestine.

You got up, cleaned yourself up, and went in search for Twilight Sparkle. You found her at the local school – if that place could be called as such – and asked her to use a gravity annihilation spell at you. Surprisingly, she obliged without a grudge.

You left the school and found the balloon base that offered travels to Cloudsdale. Rainbow had said her performance would be in the evening, after four. You looked at your watch and felt satisfied – plenty of time to go.

Finding the arena wasn’t that hard. Getting inside, however, proved impossible. Since the Wonderbolts were a paramilitary organization, only Equestrian citizens were allowed in.

Instead of trying to force your way into the arena, you went to the wedge on the border of the plaza and sat there, legs stretched, crossed.

When a torrent of pegasi of all the colours under the sun poured from the manifold guarded entrances, you stood up, alert. You didn’t want to miss Rainbow in the crowd.

The Wonderbolts themselves appeared after the crowd had dispersed and the square returned back to its original emptiness.

Your heart jumped in expectation once the Wonderbolts, without the uniform, came out. You saw the stallion with the blue mane going somewhere with another stallion, all black except the frosty mane and tail. Then somepony who looked as a boss came out of the hallway, head held high, a light green mare with snow white hair to her left. One look at the bossy one, amber coloured from head to toe, made you guts twist from disgust. You never liked bossy females.

The moment the couple went behind a nearby building you forgot about them. Rainbow was in the entrance of the hallway, maroon strap bags to her sides.

She looked left. She looked right. You were sure you could detest sadness in her sight. It looked as if she were searching for someone or looking at her colleagues who went in pairs to their affairs while she was here all alone, no one to greet her, to cheer her up.

A lump in your throat formed from the transitory sight of Rainbow’s sadness. To make it easier for her you stepped away from the shadows of the building and into the yellow rays of the setting afternoon Sun casting a warm golden sheen on the roofs and streets around.

Rainbow looked left and was ready to look right when she spotted you right in front of her. For a moment her eyes sparkled like exploding stars and an enormous happy grin split her face, then she regained her cool composure, crossing her forelegs, replacing the smile of absolute delight with the smug grin that was the main feature of her persona.

“You did come,” she, boisterous, said.

“Never say no to me,” you responded. “I might break it.”

“Okay. But how? Humans can’t fly.”

You retold your adventure of the day, from the trip to the friendship school to wondering through the streets of Cloudsdale.

You found yourselves in a narrow empty alley. Rainbow looked around quickly, stared at you warmly, smiled, then lunged into your arms.

She felt soft and tickly against your chest and face. Her heart beating against your chest throbbed faster than yours. Her warm breath against the left side of your neck sent shivers through your body. The smell of her mane, minty from shampoo, felt refreshing, relaxing. Nice.

You had suspicions Rainbow was cute, soft, and cuddly behind her abrasive armour. In fact, she was cuter, softer, and cuddlier than you suspected. Rainbow went totally lax in your arms, melting in your hands, knowing that you’ll do no harm. You’ve hugged women back in the day, but not even one had been as relaxed as Rainbow; they all felt like knots upon knots, while Rainbow was like butter – smooth, warm, pulsating butter.

How long the hug lasted you couldn’t tell. Frankly, you didn’t care.

At that moment you knew that finally, after a life of bachelorhood, you fell in love for real and without a sign of return to how things were before.

You and you image were dead. Extinct. You were reborn as an innocent youth instead, who knew not of the profane world and its perversions of love. It was the best feeling in the world: a return to inborn innocence and perfection that were dusted by years upon years of neglect.

After an eternity, Rainbow looked into your eyes. All the gods above, how beautiful her eyes were: innocent, warm, and deeper than the depths of space. You let her go and smiled like never before. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt so simple. So alive.

“Thanks,” Rainbow said, standing on her hind legs before you, her forelegs on your shoulders, the yellow and orange tips of her mane grazing against your forehead.

“No problem,” you said.

Then, you went down the alleyway. You tried to take Rainbow’s left hoof in your right hand, forgetting for a moment that she was a pony, not a human, but when you couldn’t wrap it in your palm you dropped the idea. Rainbow, hovering to the right of you, didn’t mind your weird behaviour.

At that moment everything felt so right and good that nothing could shatter this quality of absolute perfection. Every sound, every smell, every sight, every touch seemed right.

Just right.

Exalted, you were sure that not a single thing, no matter how infinitesimal it was, broke the absolute order, which was essentially good and right and perfect.

When you entered a crowded street Rainbow quickly shifted from this surprising nice side back to her usual arrogant, boisterous personality. You could only smile at this change. Now that you had witnessed Rainbow’s original face you could even see it in the mercurial play of her mask.

The most unexpected thing happened a few days after returning to your personal sanctuary on Earth. You had finished writing one important scene in your story about the UFO invasion slash consciousness expansion experiment in a small rural town and decided to celebrate the occasion by a long journey to Oddiyana. As you were ready to put your boots you heard a knock against the window of your living room.

Anxious, you went to check the noise. When you saw Rainbow behind the window you felt both guilty and surprised. Guilty for suspecting the worst. Surprised because Rainbow was here at midday.

You opened the window. Rainbow stepped inside, admiring your large living room.

“You live well,” she said.

“If you ain’t living well, then you’re no living at all. Just surviving,” you said. “Which isn’t the most meaningful way to spend one’s time here.”

“So, that’s why you fund science so much?”

You nodded. “Science is better than politics. Give time, and everyone will be living like he really wants, not like he must. I can guarantee you that once the problem of survival and comfort is solved, wars and violence will cease. I’m doing my part to speed up the process.”

“Wars and violence is because ponies – eh, people – have to survive here rather than enjoy life?” Rainbow asked.

You sensed anxiety in her, expressed by the sudden change of theme. She had yet to explain why she was here. Her eyes darted left and right. She looked shaken. If she went such lengths to find you, it meant it was something important. Very important. You took charge.

“Exactly. People are surviving, not living. The fact you have to waste your life doing things you don’t want and don’t like just to have food and water is the pinnacle of our imbecility, barbarity, and cruelty. It creates tension between people because they all want to have the top and best spot and they all know that only a few of them will achieve it. This leads to hatred, which ends in violence. By giving everyone a high living standard – in which they might choose whether to work or not out of their will, not necessity – we’ll eradicate the survival issue that’s the crux of every ill this side of the universe. But wanting to hear this is not reason why you’re here.”

Rainbow gulped, then shifted her eyes left and right. “Yeah...That’s right.”

You squatted before Rainbow, your chest twisting from seeing her so troubled.

Rainbow inhaled, exhaled, then looked at you with wide, longing eyes.

“Can I live with you?” She said.

You smiled even before your mind finished processing her words. A shot of energy going up your spine made you feel light. You wanted to stand up and jump and scream from joy.

“As much and as long as you want,” you said.

After these words Rainbow lunged forward and knocked you onto the floor. Looking up, you were greeted by a big smile and shining magenta eyes. However, you had to close your eyes when Rainbow kissed you, sending tingly shivers throughout your face and body that raised every hair on their way. Her lips were soft as silk against yours, her tongue unbelievably smooth.

You wrapped your arms around her wings in response, trying to dissolve in the wonderful heat of her body, not bothering to move away the strands of her mane that hit your eyelids. What amazed you was her smoothness: of coat, hair, lips, and tongue. She felt like the best pillow – or the best girl – you had ever held.

As Rainbow placed her hooves next to your shoulders and lifted herself up, you opened your eyes and were greeted by a most pleasant sight. She looked like a real angel with her blue face framed by stripes of hair of all the seven colours of the rainbow: the ground and play combined.

When you put your right hand on her head and let your fingers run through her smooth mane down her neck to her wings, you realized that the last illusion was shattered. It was all so obvious. Beautiful and simple.