You've known me for years. You always see me as a ball of sunshine and smiles. You always see me as somepony who can always brighten up your day. You always see me as somepony who you can rely on. I have a good sense of humor, a friendly personality and just somepony who loves to get along with others. You think that I have a perfect life and nothing is ever wrong with me. You think I would never let things bring me down. Well, all of that is a lie. I only let you see what I want you to see. I don't show how I really am... I am weak and broken, way beyond repair...
This is not your fault, you didn't cause this, I did... I have struggled for years with depression and never really talked to many ponies about it... because anytime I did, it would just make something worse. I'd lose a friend, they would let it slip by, or they would send me to an intervention to brainwash me into thinking that I'm alright when I'm not. I'll never be 'alright...' so most of it I keep inside to myself, and never let it out. I never wanted you hurting because of me, so I never really bothered anypony with my problems...
I began to talk to myself in an attempt to help myself, but it only just proves my point that I'm worth nothing... "I've done this for years, it's alright..." I would say to myself. "I shouldn't burden others with my own problems. What right do I have to be depressed? There are ponies who have it worse than me... Nopony even cares enough about me!"
I couldn't take this anymore, and I knew it wasn't healthy... so I decided to tell someone I knew I could trust, someone who wouldn't judge me for whatever I said. I told her how I was feeling and she broke down crying in front of me. There I go again, bringing someone down because of my problems...
She kept telling me things like "So many ponies would miss you, and wonder why you did it. They would blame themselves..."
"But they would get over it... They always do with time..." I said to her. She only tried to convince me I was wrong, but it was impossible.
I didn't want her or others to worry about me anymore, so I told them things like I was getting help and getting better when I was just lying... spending every day in my room cutting myself. You all would get over me eventually, even if it took many years but all pain fades eventually... We all have to move on with our lives and press on.
Ponies would always tell me to "keep trying," and "things will get better eventually." Well, then why don't I see any change of this living Tartarus I've gone through for years? None of it is ever going to get better. Anytime it does, something happens and everything goes downhill...
I've tried for years to keep up with the fight I'm facing, but it's been so long, that I've grown weaker and I slowly die every day... Nopony can save me from that. It's not their fault, so they shouldn't worry about it. I'm trying to fight back, but it just feels like every punch I throw is just reversed back into my stomach, making me even weaker... I can not take it anymore.
So here I am in my room unable to stop sobbing as I write my final words on a crinkled piece of paper covered in my tears. At the time I'm writing this, you would think I'm getting ready to go out with friends, but I suppose that was a lie as well...
Lies... that's all I ever told you... dumb lies... I never meant them to cause any harm, but I suppose I just couldn't help it. I'm such a bucking lier and a bucking screw up who can never do anything right! I try to get help, but I never do... you all care for me, and I know you care, but none of you cared enough... you tried to help me out but just made everything worse None of those lies was your fault...
I know you all cared about me and wanted me to get better, but you didn't actually care enough... otherwise, I wouldn't be doing this... I wouldn't be needing to end my life like this... where are you now at the time of me writing this? Just think about that for a moment...
I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never take out my anger on any of my friends ever... I would take it out on myself or just slam my door and scream into a pillow so nopony would get hurt... I guess that is why I started cutting again... painting painful scaring images on myself with my blood stained blade... scared images that will never go away even if I wanted them to...
The truth is, I'm not really needed here anymore, I'm just a waste of space... even my own friends don't need me... So I am just gonna do a task that has to be done that nopony else could do.
I love you all very much and don't hate me for this. But most importantly, don't hate yourself.
...one more chance... I will give life one last chance...
Script Singer dropped her quill as she put her hooves through her mane sobbing. She picked up the paper and folded it neatly, putting it inside an envelope sealing it and put it into her trashcan burying it into the bottom. She then walked away and went to go get ready to hang out with her friends.
Before she opened her door, she wiped off her face and reached for her mask putting it on for the very last time.
Author's Note
This is just something a few friends and I thought I should do. I am slowly kinda getting better I guess, and I suppose this did help a bit... Also I put this on hiatus because I'm not sure if this is how I want it to end, so just keep an eye out I suppose
Thanks for reading
Script Singer walks into her bedroom after her night out with her friends letting out a sigh as she shut her door, removing her mask. She shut her eyes as small tears formed. When she opened them again, she noticed her friend Ellie in the room sitting on her bed with tears in her eyes, a crumpled piece of paper next to her. The note.
Script Singer only turned away and faced the wall, refusing to talk but her friend only walked up to her hugging her tightly, not saying a word.
Script gasped slightly in surprise as she felt her friend wrap her wings around her tightly as tears formed in her eyes. She then turned toward her friend as she sobbed uncontrollably, neither one of them saying a word, just sobbing in the embrace.
Author's Note
So I kinda felt like I wanted to end the story on a happy(ish) note. I also was trying to see if I could write it with no dialogue for a type of emotional effect. Also, I wrote this in a short span of minutes, so it's not completely edited especially since I wrote it on my phone heading to school at 7 am. I might go back to it sometime and fix it up or maybe add a bit more. Also not sure if that will be the title of the chapter. If you're still worried about me, it's alright I'm slowly getting better. But if you or someone you know is struggling, PLEASE GET HELP. You're not alone.
EDIT: I added a little stuff later on in the day
