Rainshade is a Hell of a Drug
“I just don’t what to do for him anymore.”
Starlight used her magic to turn the spoon inside her cup, chasing the lemon slice around the dark brew before taking a sip.
“It just seems that no matter what I do” she continued, “I can’t help him.”
Twilight, sitting across from her, nodded. She laid her cup down delicately on the table.
“I know how difficult this must be for you right now, Starlight. Believe me, I don’t fault you for seeking advice.”
Starlight looked down with heavy eyes.
“I just feel helpless. No amount of magic has done any good. Maybe…maybe it’s because of me?”
Twilight pressed a reassuring hoof on Starlight’s.
“Now don’t go blaming yourself. I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation.”
“He just always seemed so full of life. Now he just seems so empty. He rarely goes out anymore and when he eats he barely touches his food. Nothing brings him any happiness, any joy. I’m afraid he’s wasting away. I’ve tried all my magic but nothing helps. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m afraid if he doesn’t get help soon…”
There was a despair in the mare’s voice as she sipped her tea, a single tear tracing down her cheek. Twilight handed her a cloth which she used to wipe it away.
“We’ll work through this Starlight. Sometimes it’s not so easy to help somepony in this sort of state. I know how much this weighs upon you. But if I may be so bold, to make a suggestion.”
Her protégé raised an eyebrow.
“Go on.”
“Let him stay here for a while. I think it might do him well to get away from the Crystal Empire for a while. I can imagine how the dark, cold weather could cause any pony to get down in the dumps. I think bringing him here would do him a lot of good.”
Starlight pursed her lips.
“You think it’s the weather?”
“It could be. It might be stress. Or any number of things. But in my experience, a change of scenery always helps me when I become glum.”
“It certainly couldn’t hurt. I’m worried for him though Twilight. I’ve never seen him this way before.”
“Don’t worry, Starlight, he’ll be close to his friends and ponies that care for him. Whatever the case, I know things will work out for the best.”
~
“You’ve spelled it wrong.”
The school mistress’ cold, gray eyes peered down at him as he pushed his thick-rimmed glasses back up on the ridge of his nose.
“Soldier is spelled with a ‘d’, not a ‘j’.”
“Sorry, Mistress.”
“You’ll write it ten times on the board. Is that clear, Sunburst?”
“Yes ma’am.”
The school mistress trotted away, leaving the colt alone.
“It’s okay,” a voice next him answered. “I made that mistake too.”
The colt was surprised.
“Really?”
“Sure, I know spelling can be hard. I think she’s just being tough on you. My name’s Starlight, by the way.”
“Sunburst.”
His name echoed like the ear splitting clang of a drum hitting a hard floor.
Sunburst…Sunburst…Sunburst!
Sunburst’s eyes shot open as he laid there blinking, the stunned face of Starlight looking back at him, a throbbing pain emanating from his temples
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t meant to startle you. I just wanted to let you know that we’re only half an hour away.”
Sunburst squinted in the dim light of the train carriage, his breath steadying as he put on his glasses, wiping away the cold sweat on his brow, a dull ache in his neck.
“Bad dream?”
“No…” Sunburst winced in pain. “Just a memory about when we first met.”
“That seems like ages ago.”
He nodded.
“An eternity.”
Starlight leaned over and placed her hoof on his.
“We’ll be in Ponyville soon. You’ll feel better when we get there.”
The wizard flashed her faint smile, trying to ignore the pain.
“I hope you’re right.”
“I know I am. You’ll see. Plus, I didn’t want you to miss the mountains. Look.”
Starlight motioned to the window where the towering heights of the Saddle Back Mountains towered in the distance.
“They’re beautiful, no?”
Sunburst looked up at their craggy peaks, crowned with gray mists, their faces covered in snow.
“I envy them. Immovable, unfeeling…”
He pressed his hoof to the glass until it went number on its icy surface.
“…cold.”
Sunburst paused a moment until the feeling returned and turned back to his companion.
“Out of curiosity, was taking me to Ponyville your idea?”
Starlight felt her cheeks grow hot.
“Well no. It was Twilight’s suggestion, actually. She thought a change of scenery would do you good.”
“Perhaps.”
“Oh talk with me Sunburst. I’m your friend. What’s got you feeling this way?”
He shook his head and frowned.
“I can’t describe it. It’s just like I can’t find myself anymore. You know? Like nothing in life makes me feel the same as it used to.”
“What about your spellbooks? You always enjoyed those?”
He waved his hoof.
“I’ve read them over a hundred times. I’ve even tried casting spells. I just don’t know Starlight. It’s like a dark cloud has been hanging around me and I don’t even know why. It’s all just felt so pointless lately.”
Sunburst stopped as his headache came back with a vengeance. Starlight casted an aura, and at once, the pain began to dissipate, followed by a sense of relief, akin to floating on water.
“You trust me though, right? I only want what’s best for you. How does it feel?”
Sunburst nodded, his voice barely able to make a sound as he felt the aura around him. It was like a brief ray of sunshine that dispelled the darkness.
“Wonderful.”
Starlight rubbed his temples.
“You remember when we were foals, don’t you Sunburst? We didn’t have any worries then. No cares. It was just you and me.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“We were free then. Nopony could keep us apart. And life was like an endless summer.”
“I’m sorry.”
His voice was a low mutter, a sad whimpering voice that cracked through barely withheld tears.
“What for?”
“I should have told you before I left. I didn’t mean to leave you alone without saying anything.”
Starlight petted his head, running her hoof through his smooth mane.
“It wasn’t your fault, Sunburst. I should have told you then too. It’s my fault. Maybe, if I said something…”
Sunburst shook his head, holding her hoofs in his.
“There’s no use living in the past. It brings nothing but pain. Good things never last forever. Nothing ever does.”
Starlight let her energy relax as she felt Sunburst pull away and the darkness return.
“It’s a malady of the soul, Starlight. I’m not sure I even understand it. I haven’t been myself, it’s true, but I know you mean the best for me. And I know that with your help but I’ll get through this together.”
Starlight remained silent, bowing her head slightly before shifting in her chair and revealing a glowing cutie mark.
“I didn’t know how to tell you, Sunburst. I’ve been called on a friendship mission. You understand, don’t you?”
Sunburst nodded, his eyes heavy.
“Yes, of course. I understand.”
“I’ll be back soon! It shouldn’t take longer than a week and I’ll come back to you.”
Sunburst smiled.
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
~
“You sure you’ll be alright here by yourself?”
Starlight’s voice was hard to distinguish among the sounds of the station; the clattering of hoofs, the cheery goodbyes, and the hiss of the engine building up its steam.
“I’ll be fine, Starlight.”
“I’ve had your room prepared. Everything’s there.”
The mare paused, stamping her hoof as she chuckled.
“I wish I had something more appropriate to say.”
She felt Sunburst’s hoof wrap around her in a tight embrace.
“Take good care of yourself, won’t you? I know everything will be fine with Twilight.”
Starlight’s heart fluttered and she kissed him on the cheek.
“I’ll be back soon.”
The two embraced again before the engine’s whistle gave a sharp cry, followed by a bellowing ‘All aboard!’
Starlight climbed into her carriage, waving as the train pulled away from the station. Through the din, Sunburst could almost faintly hear one final word as the train departed. It was too far away for him to recognize, and by that time, Starlight was just a faint image receding into the distance, and Sunburst found himself alone on the platform.
As he sat there, Sunburst could hear the twitter of birds in the distance. The morning sun shone brightly through the branches and the dew lay thick upon the leaves.
Ponyville was a beautiful town. There was no doubt of that. A remote, isolated corner of Equestria. Provincial, was the word that came to Sunburst’s mind. But there was something charming about its thatched roofs, its unadorned facades, its simple residents. It was like something from a dream.
Watching the birds fly about, he noticed a flower on a nearby trellis – a perfectly pedicured lilac in full bloom. The wizard approached it, delicately stroking its soft pedals.
“Not like the Crystal Empire at all,” he mused to himself. “There it’s cold and the earth is hard – here, it’s warm and everything grows.”
“Ready to go Sunburst?”
He knew that voice instantly.
“Princess Twilight!”
He bowed in reverence as the alicorn approached him.
“There’s no need to stand on formality with me, Sunburst. You’re one of my friends. And it’s Twilight. Just Twilight.”
Sunburst tried his best to manage a smile as he stood to his hoofs. He always felt disarmed by the Princess’s casual demeanor. Growing up he had always been taught to address his betters by their title, especially a member of royalty. It felt so odd to address a princess by their given name. Sunburst could never decide if it was Twilight who was elevating him or lowering herself.
“As you wish, just Twilight.”
“I trust your journey was well?”
“As well as could be expected.”
“Well, I’m sure you could use a rest at the castle. Afterwards, I’d like to talk to you if I may?”
“Of course, Princess, er Twilight.”
She giggled.
“Come on, Spike will grab your luggage.”
~
In Twilight’s castle home, Sunburst couldn’t help feel out-of-place. For all of the castle’s regal grandeur, it still lacked something. Something that made it feel like a home. A soul, perhaps? Did buildings have souls?
The wizard tossed the idea around in his mind as he lay in his bed, the bright rays of the mid-morning sun shining brightly through his window. Then came a knock on the door.
“Come in.”
The door creaked open and in stepped Spike, Twilight’s dragon assistant.
“I brought the bags, Sunburst.”
He struggled with all his might as he tried to pull the leather bag, his tiny frame straining against its weight.
“Man, what’s in there?”
He was clearly out of breath.
“Just some books.”
Spike opened it up to reveal a veritable library packed within its enchanted confines – why should a wizard go without, of course?
“Uh huh, just some light reading, right?” The dragon began to unpack the contents. “Man, you and Twilight are just the same.”
Sunburst arched an eyebrow.
“How’s that?”
“You and her just go through books like it’s nothing. I sometimes have to tell Twilight to go to sleep at three in the morning because I’ll find her reading some ancient tome or the other. Any way how do you want these organized?”
Sunburst allowed himself a chuckle.
“No I’ll get them, and I wouldn’t expect any less from her. Do you not like reading, Spike?”
“I’m a comic book kinda guy, myself. Anything with superheroes. Gotta have action, adventure! Know what I mean?”
Sunburst nodded, feeling slightly delighted in the drake’s enthusiasm.
“Completely. Well here, why don’t you try reading this?”
He levitated a book from his case into Spike’s claws.
“What is it?” Spike asked, dusting off the cover.
“Les Mareables. It’s a story filled with action, revolution, betrayal and unrequited love.”
Sunburst could see a fire was lit in the dragon’s eyes as he flipped through the pages.
“It’s really long! Does it have any pictures?”
“It is, and a few, but I think you will enjoy it.”
Spike blinked.
“You’re letting me have it?”
“Of course. Consider it a gift.”
The drake smiled.
“Thanks Sunburst!”
He made for the door but halted just as he reached the threshold.
“Oh! And Twilight wanted to know if you would like to join her now?”
Sunburst adjusted his glasses.
“I shall be with her momentarily.”
“I’ll go and tell her!”
~
“One lump or two?”
There was an airy sweetness in her voice.
“Plain, please.”
The Princess seemed slightly taken aback.
“My, my, you always surprise me, Sunburst.”
“Oh? Why’s that?”
“Always so…unconventional!”
He took a sip from his cup – the tea was dark and went down smooth.
“Well, I suppose we all have our quirks.”
“Eccentric – that’s a word I’ve heard before.”
“Do you consider yourself eccentric, Twilight?”
She spun the spoon in her glass, mixing it with the creamer from the pot, pausing, giving it some thought.
“Well, not any more than any other normal pony. But who is to say what is normal, right?”
Sunburst pursed his lips, looking off to one side. Twilight too paused as she laid her cup down.
“Starlight has told me you are not feeling well?”
He nodded.
“You could say that.”
“She does say that. A lot. She’s quite beside herself, in fact. And I care too! That’s why I wanted you to come here.”
“And I appreciate the offer, Twilight. Really, I do. But I don’t know if a change of scenery is going to help that much.”
“When did this all start, Sunburst?”
“Two months ago. One day I was fine and the next…I didn’t want to get out bed. I didn’t see a point. I’m just…there, you know what I mean?”
Twilight nodded but seemed to perk up though a cloud moved away and fresh rays of sunshine poured through the window.
“Let’s go for a walk.”
“Now?”
“Of course. It’s the best time of the day and sun is out. Plus, I wanted to show you these wonderful Rainshades that Zecora showed me. I think they might be able to help you.”
“Rain whats?”
“It’s a type of flower. Don’t worry you’ll see.”
Sunburst tripped a moment as he set his tea-cup down.
“S-sure. Why not?”
“That’s the spirit. Come on, the sun will be setting soon.”
~
At the top of a tall hill that overlooked the town, Twilight effortlessly galloped up the slope, a winded Sunburst trailing a distance behind.”
“Come on Sunburst! We’re almost here.”
The colt panted as his aching limbs pushed him further up the heights. When he arrived, he found Twilight already sitting there beside a small grove of trees.
“Ah there you are.”
Sunburst tried to catch his breath as he leaned against a trunk.
“Oh man, I need to climb more.”
“Here, take a look.”
Twilight motioned to a peculiar plant that was growing under one of the trees. It was tiny, standing only a few inches tall, with lilac pedals.
“What do you think?”
“It’s…beautiful?"
Twilight giggled.
“No, I mean, this is the flower that Zecora was telling me about. It makes you makes you euphoric.”
“Does it work?”
“Sure! Here, try one.”
Sunburst hesitated.
“Go on, they’re not poisonous.” Twilight took a bite from the flower itself candidly and swallowed. “See?”
Sunburst bit his lip, recalling some vague advice from his mother many years ago about accepting strange plants from ponies he didn’t know, but this was the Princess of Friendship – surely if any pony could be trusted it would be her? Sunburst saw the precipice’s edge before him and with timid step he took hold of the flower and ate it himself.
The taste was bitter and earthy, but the effect was immediate – a mild tingling sensation that was something, like the rush of drinking fresh coffee.
Sunburst coughed, unaccustomed to such potency.
“You alright?”
The wizard wheezed, wheeling with a wild whinny.
“A bit strong, isn’t it?”
Twilight patted him on the back.
“You’ll get used to it. How do you feel?”
Sunburst laid under the tree, feeling as if he were rising into the sky on a gentle breeze, suspended by weightless bubbles. The whole world took a vibrant color as the sky became like an endless ocean, rocking back and forth like waves on a beach.
“What have you done to me?”
The wizard grab his head to try to keep it from spinning, but found that it was in vain.
“It’s best to try not to fight it.” Twilight’s voice was soft and reassuring. “Your body will adjust.”
Sunburst felt helpless as the lay there beneath the tree, no longer able to even summon enough strength or fortitude to stand. But for as much distress as he felt of being deprived of his faculties, he felt easy and subdued with Twilight’s soft hoof running along his temples
“Relax, Sunburst. Take deep breaths. In and out. Slowly.”
He did as he was told, unable to do otherwise. He closed his eyes and took large, greedy inhales of air, then gently exhaled through his nose. He soon felt his tenseness subside and a great feeling of calm descend on him.
The young wizard looked up at her as she held his head in her lap.
“Am I dying?”
Twilight shook her head.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“It’s just how I always imagined it would be. Do you think there’s anything after death, Twilight?”
Twilight blinked.
“There must be…”
“And if there’s not?”
“Does it matter?”
“I suppose not. Just guess it would be lonely. Never seeing you again, or mother, or Starlight…”
“You really like her, don’t you?”
Sunburst felt his cheeks warm.
“I never thought of it…”
“You’re lying, Sunburst.”
He sighed.
“It’s complicated.”
“Tell me.”
“Well, it’s like…how does one say? I’ve known Starlight since I was a foal. We grew up together. Studied magic together. Meeting her again after all these years felt so strange. Wonderful even. But I know she’s not the same Starlight. Just as I’m not the same Sunburst! I do care about her, I really do. I just don’t feel she understands me. The real me. And I’m afraid if I try to commit, because if I do, I feel like I’m going to end up hurting her.”
“Why can you not just be upfront with her about how you feel, Sunburst?”
The wizard sighed.
“I’m not so good with mares. When I was studying at the School for Gifted Unicorns, I heard about other colts – their relationships. I never really thought about it. I just always thought no mare would ever notice me.”
Twilight’s eyes suddenly came alight.
“Wait. Did you say you were in the School for Gifted Unicorns? I…I think we were classmates.”
Sunburst looked up at her.
“What?”
“Weren’t you in Giddilee’s class? The one in the corner near the front – because of your eyes!”
“Yeah, was me. How did you know about that?”
“Because I was there too!”
Sunburst felt a sudden surge of excitement
“Wow! Really? That’s crazy!”
“I know, right?”
The two of them laughed.
“I don’t ever remember seeing you.”
“I didn’t try to been seen back then. I stuck to my books. I wasn’t the same pony I am today. I hadn’t learned about the Magic of Friendship or how to reach out to other ponies.”
Sunburst rubbed the back of his head.
“Well, it’s not like I was a lot different. I mean, my parents had such high expectations for me. My mother wanted me follow her into business, but I just never could. She’s a very social pony. She’s in her element when she is chatting it up. Me? I’ve always like my solitude.”
“What happened to your father?”
Sunburst didn’t reply.
“Was he-?”
“He died in the war.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. It was so long ago. I barely remember him now.
Twilight grazed her hoof along his shoulder.
“I feel bad now.”
“Why’s that?”
“I didn’t notice you either, Sunburst.”
“Well, it’s not your fault after all, Twilight. It’s just the way it worked out.”
“I’ve got a question. H-have you ever kissed a mare?”
Sunburst pawed his hoof.
“I, well – no. No I haven’t.”
“Really?”
“Never.”
Twilight bit her lip.
“I’ve never kissed a colt before, either.”
Sunburst recoiled a bit.
“I always imagined the Princess of Friendship could have whatever colt you wanted to.”
“I mean, I guess that’s true,” Twilight conceded. “But I am also looking for another kind of colt – one who understands me and isn’t just interested in my looks or my position of power.”
Sunburst was surprised. He had always heard stories about royal ‘courtiers’ who were often used for much more than delivering secret messages and the like.
“Well, Twilight, you’re more than just a Princess to me. I mean, when I came over to visit that one time and you went out of your way for me. I really enjoyed myself and I couldn’t have cared less about you being a Princess. You were smart and funny and…just Twilight.”
He chuckled.
Now it was Twilight’s turn to feel her cheeks turn red.
“I don’t want to seem forward, Sunburst but…maybe to indulge our curiosity we could…”
“Kiss?”
“Just for scientific reasons!”
The two of them stammered.
“Of course. I mean…nothing ventured, nothing gained right?”
“So uh, should I, or…?”
“I guess I should.”
“Okay so, just…”
Sunburst leaned forward until he was close to Twilight – closer than he had ever been before – their breaths intermingling just inches away from each other, and pushed his lips on hers.
It was awkward. He could tell she was tense, but so was he. And just as it had started, he pulled away.
“It tastes like coconut.”
Twilight snickered.
“That was my lip balm. Like it?”
“O-of course. Should we…?”
“Please.”
Sunburst pulled himself to Twilight, wrapping his hoof around her waist. He kissed her again, closing his eyes as he indulged in her tropical scent.
Lost in the sensation of the moment, he can’t stop. He wanted this, needed it. He never realized how much he longed for intimacy and touch of another pony.
He caressed her supple body, moaning in her mouth. He felt her relax into his arms, her lips becoming more fluid, less tense. Everything melded together and he didn’t want to stop. He couldn’t stop. It’s as if every fiber in his being was urging this – craving it – like a pony who thirsting for water in a desert.
His heart raced. Soon he felt the familiar brush of Twilight’s fur against his growing erection. None of this appropriate but Twilight showed no signs of yielding, so he didn’t dare stop.
In instant, Twilight had reached down and began stroking his member. Sunburst let out a low heave as he felt her touch trailing his shaft, his tip quivering as a pure adrenaline rush washed over him.
Twilight pressed her hoof around his neck, her eyes filled with a longing look – her soul yearning for him.
“Put it inside me, Sunburst.”
Sunburst, like a drunk colt splashed with colt water, felt a sudden pang of fear.
“But, won’t you…?”
“No, I promise. Nothing bad will happen. Not while I’m with you.”
Her voice was soothing and calm, like a gentle wind blowing a light rain. He brushed her hair aside with his hoof so he that he could see her eyes. Glaring into those dark orbs, a joy washed over him. It suddenly felt natural – it felt right.
Sunburst pressed the tip of his cock along the slick edges of Twilight’s lips, a burning heat exuding from her skin– the primal scent that urged him to breed.
He couldn’t resist.
He pushed until his cock was enveloped by Twilight’s marehood, but stopped as a barrier blocked his path.
Twilight shivered, her hoofs trembling as she wrapped them around his back and pulled him close, whispering in his ear: “It’s yours, Sunburst. Take it.”
Sunburst could have fainted, save for the pure adrenaline pumping through his veins. Abandoning all his inhibitions, he lunged forward, as a shrill cry pierced his ears.
“Twilight, are you okay?”
Sunburst looked down to see a trickle of blood running down his shaft.
He cursed and began to pull away, only for Twilight dig her arms around him.
“No, Sunburst…keep going.”
“Twilight, you’re bleeding.”
She winced, her voice cracking.
“It’s fine. I want you to have this. Just take it Sunburst.”
She leaned up and kissed him without hesitation. Their lips melded together naturally as they moaned into each other’s mouths. Sunburst gladly gave into his desire, instinctively moving his hips, enraptured in Twilight’s embrace.
Sunburst found that once he started though, he could not stop. He didn’t want to stop. Everything in his body urged him on; his heart, his body, his soul. In a moment of pure desire, he suddenly felt no shame or darkness.
Yet how those moments are so brief and so calamitous; full of sound and fury, but what do they signify? At once he was at the summit of fulfillment, and then to the very bottom again, with nothing to show but the sweat on his brow and a thick pool gathering beneath him.
Twilight didn’t seem to mind though. She held him close, rocking him back and forth, the two of them as one.
Sunburst let his body go limp, all energy drained from him, before the realization of what just happened struck him.
“I-I should go…”
“Sunburst, is something wrong?”
“No, I just…I’ve got to go.”
Sunburst got up from where he lay, his head still reeling. The earth seemed to be spinning like a top. Suddenly everything seemed to give way and he couldn’t stop as he tumbled down the hill.
He heard Twilight call after him, but to no avail. He was in an inexorable fight with gravity and as much as he tried, he couldn’t stop himself.
The momentum carried him to his destination. He tried to get up on his hoofs again but found that his equilibrium was shot and unceremoniously collapsed to the ground before retching in the grass.
He felt so weak and helpless; utterly powerless to stand on his own account. He tried crawling and that’s when he noticed Twilight, not too far off, groaning.
“Twilight?”
She was in a sorry state, much as he was.
“Sunburst…”
She gave him a pained smile, her voice was a low moan.
“Are you okay?”
He looked her over to see if there was any kind of injury. That’s when he spotted the gash on her head.
“Twilight, you’re hurt.”
“I tried to go after you…”
“Why did you do that?”
His voice was sharp, sharper than he meant it to be, as he summoned up his magic and applied a healing spell on it to help the blood congeal.
“I’m sorry, Sunburst. I shouldn’t have made you done that.”
The wizard sighed.
“No, it’s my fault. We both got carried away.”
“Do you hate me, Sunburst?”
The wizard blinked.
“I don’t hate you, Twilight.”
“I can be a silly pony too, you know. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wanted you to be happy.”
Sunburst looked down, a tumult of emotions raging inside him. At once he felt guilt for what he had done, guilt for having betrayed Starlight’s trust, and on the other, he couldn’t deny that, for a moment, he had cast off the darkness of his despair and seen the light again.
“I understand,” Twilight continued, “If you didn’t want to stay. I can have your bags packed as soon-”
She couldn’t utter another word before the clasp of their lips met and melded into its silent repose.
“Next time,” Sunburst murmured. “Let’s just not eat those flowers, alright?”
Twilight looked into his eyes, the light shimmering of the rim of his glasses.
“Agreed.”
The two of them walked hoof and hoof back to Twilight’s home as the sun set and the stars began to appear one by one in the purple sky. They promised each other to secrecy over what had happened, and felt that their only witnesses were the crickets around them and the eyes of heaven above. Yet unknown to them, there were another set of eyes, peering through the underbrush…
