The only fanfic that asks the Question! (or, How Twilight Sparkle learned to stop worrying and love to Vomit)
Twilight woke up, eyes sparkling in the sunlight flowing in through her window from another beautiful day! She stayed on her side as she stretched, taking care to keep her head over the side of the bed so that the constant stream of vomit would keep going into the drain she'd had installed under her bed. After all, her sheets were mostly clean. She kept them clean as she slipped out of bed, stepping into a quad of rubber boots she kept laid out just out of the splash-zone.
She walked over to her mirror, little booties splashing through the vomit that was pouring from her mouth onto the half-dried vomit she'd left on the floor the previous night. She kept her mouth open over the drain as she brushed her mane, the edges of her mouth turned up in a smile, as she noticed that she'd managed to go a second night without getting any vomit in her hair, which meant she didn't need to shower. Nopony showered anymore. Everything smelled like vomit anyway, so it's not like body-odor was a problem.
She walked out the door with a spring in her step, heading down stairs to the main room, where she would be meeting with her friends. This used to be their weekly breakfast day, but
Applejack had already sat down. Now that everypony vomited instead of eating, there was no point in farming apples, and it had really freeing up her schedule. She did plumbing now, more because she wanted to than needed to at this point, seeing as she had made enough money to retire several times over with all of the money she'd made installing vomit-drains when everypony realized that this was their lives now.
Pinkie Pie was also there, letting out gurgling giggles as she slid about on the floor. Sugarcube corner had been converted into a "waterpark", if by "water" you mean "vomit". Baked goods weren't really worth baking anymore, but vomit-slides had been all the rage ever since all the ponies had gotten over it.
Rainbow Dash flew in the window, a steady stream of vomit splattering beneath her. She did a backflip on the way to her seat, and the vomit flew in all directions, in a circular burst that would've been beautiful if it wasn't that sickly yellow-green color that this substance, which Twilight had yet to fully identify, for some reason had. The Wonderbolts had had difficulty doing their old tricks, now that vomit was a constant bodily function, but had adapted by incorporating it into their routines, selling Wonderbolt rain-coats and special "splash zone" tickets!
Fluttershy stepped quietly in through the door, even the sound of her endless stream of spew was gentle and graceful against the floor. She'd found the animals were much easier to keep now that she didn't need to feed them, and other ponies no longer minded the overpowering stench that came with entering her cottage.
Rarity walked in behind her, holding her head high as she showed off her latest outfit. All her clothing was made out of rubber, vinyl, and other water-proof materials now, and her "vomit chic" line had sold gangbusters, so she was also working just because she enjoyed it.
In fact, Twilight had realized, this vomit thing had been the best thing to ever happen to Equestria's economy: with ponies no longer needing to eat, breathe, or bathe (or use the bathroom, she'd realized after a few days), the cost of living was way down. To quote the title of the latest all-instrumental Hoofbeats single, All you need is puke! This had also been the great equalizer for the classes: no longer could the nobility turn up their noses at the commoners, because if they did, the puke would run back down their chins.
She closed her eyes and smiled, and would've sighed if she was still capable of doing so. She levitated her clipboard, writing on it...
"You know girls, I was worried at first, but I'm really starting to like this puke-based lifestyle!"
"Indeed!" Rarity replied, "Even Starlight and Trixie have managed to work out the complications in their little relationship! Did you hear that Trixie is doing vomit-based magic tricks now?"
"I know! We talked about it just the other day!" Twilight smiled, "She's so much more pleasant now that she can't talk!"
Spike, who was sitting in his own chair, gave her clipboard an odd look, crossing his arms. He didn't really care that his entire frontside was covered in vomit, nopony cared about it at this point, in fact, he'd been practically bathing in the stuff since it all began.
He took his clipboard and wrote something on it....
"Trixie can't talk?"
Twilight rolled her eyes, "Well, she can, but obviously she has to write it down, because she can't stop vomiting. Nopony can, obviously."
Spike stared at her, his vomit running in a river down the side of the table...
And that's when Spike did something which shocked every pony in the room...
He stopped vomiting...
...And spoke.
"Wait..." he said, the first words they'd heard outside of a phonograph in over a month, "You mean you actually can't stop?"
Twilight reached out with her magic, grabbing her marker and frantically moving to keep writing on the board.
"WHAT? NO!" she scribbled down, "HOW DID YOU STOP?"
Spike shrugged, "Dragons never had to vomit, Twilight. We all just figured that was just the new thing and chose to go with it."
Twilight's eyes were practically bulging out of her head, scribbling more down, "IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO VOMIT, WHY ARE YOU VOMITING?"
He stared at her incredulously, completely baffled that it wasn't obvious, and stated an answer for the ages...
"Dragons like to vomit."
He opened his mouth, and promptly went back to vomiting like everyone else.
Author's Note
Glad everypony liked this garbage. :V
The only fanfic that asks the Question! (or, How Twilight Sparkle learned to stop worrying and love to Vomit)
And now this is happening
It was another beautiful day in Ponyville!
The sun was shining, the breeze was nice, and everything was covered in vomit, because all the ponies were constantly vomiting...
Because that’s what this story is about: a world where everyone vomits constantly.
Twilight and the girls were out enjoying the sunshine, vomiting all over the ground and each other, just having a good time like good friends do, in the way that good friends have to when living in a world where strange puke streams constantly from everyone's mouthes, when suddenly, the sickly-yellow-green ground began to shake! It shook so hard, in fact, that there was puke coming off of the trees and buildings where it had just kinda gotten lodged and was sitting around.
A big chunk fell off and landed right on Rarity's head, covering her mane and turning it from bright purple to sickly brown. She just rolled her eyes though, because after several years of this stupid concept, she was used to it.
They heard a loud rumbling across town, as Spitfire flew over the horizon (the wonderbolts were in town), and began quickly pointing in that direction. She couldn't do much more than point, because, like everypony else in the world, she too had a constant stream of vomit pouring from her mouth, meaning she couldn't like, shout or anything. They'd all learned to communicate through gestures though, so it was all good: the girls could clearly tell that she was trying to get them to run towards it, and they were on their way at a fast canter, though not too fast, as they had to be careful not to slip in all the vomit that covered the roads.
As they got to the other side of town, they slowed even more, shocked by the sight of what was happening.
From beneath the lakes of vomit which covered the ground pretty much everywhere now, a massive structure was emerging! From beneath that puke-covered ground, a dread citadel had apparently risen. Looking upon it, they knew not what it was, but they could tell it was bad news. Not like, regular friendship problem, "Rarity lost her ribbon in the vomit again" bad news, more like, villain problem level, "There's a new supervillain showing up to try and kick Twilight's flank!" bad news!
They all steeled themselves, knowing they were in for some serious hoof-biting action this episode.
Twilight looked at her friends.
Starlight held up a sign, on which she had written, "I'm guessing movie night is cancelled?"
Twilight nodded gravely, and they all nodded back. Slowly, they walked towards the horrific structure... a citadel from which they could now see fountains of puke flowing. It was like... Destiny 2: The Witch Queen. (which you've gotta play if you haven't. You fight glam-rock moth-people in a white citadel thing or something, it's totes cool. ....ANYWAY)
Before they could get too close, they found themselves taking a step back, as those massive, menacing doors creaked open.
From the darkness within, they could see the massive hulking form of a strange, bulbous creature, which slowly drew forward. It was a sickly yellow-green color, the color of puke... actually, it looked like some sort of giant puke monster, made of the very puke they had been puking for the last few years!
Slowly, the gross-out creature emerged, its voice gurgling and echoing.
"Long have I waited..." it intoned, "Long have I slumbered... Long has it been since my return was prophesized... but now... the inevitable has come... and now I, Ipekaka the terrible, have come..." it looked like it was about to say something, but it stopped, it's many, odd-numbered eyes blinking out of synch, "Wait... this is a lot more vomit than I expected there to be."
The girls looked at each other, then stared up at it, all with eyebrows raised.
"...no matter, it seems my curse has been more effective than expected! You cannot even clean your own houses of it!" it let out a deep, bellowing chuckle, "You cannot even communicate, while the use of your mouths has been so coopted by my spew!!"
The girls looked even more confused, with Twilight finally just holding up her whiteboard, on which she had written... "Uh... Yeah we can?"
The horrifying monster blinked, out of synch again, completely taken aback. "Oh... Right... Mortals have written language... I... I guess I didn't think about that..." It cleared it's gurgly throat, "No matter! Your society has no doubt been brought to its knees by my most foul spew! Brought to its pony knees by the horror that is Ipekaka!!"
Twilight and the girls tilted their heads, all clearly confused.
"I mean... it's like... collapsed right?" it asked, "I mean... it's at least, like, services are breaking down and all that, right?"
They all just shook their heads.
Ipekaka just stared at them, then a thought seemed to occur to it, as it raised one of it's many amorphous arms, "Oh! I get it!" It began to chortle again, "You may have survived these past few days, but soon, everything will collapse! Collapse under the weight of all this vomit!" it gestured to the town, "In such little time, I can see the vomit has already covered everything the eye surveys!!"
The girls looked at each other, confused again.
Twilight held up her whiteboard, finishing another note, No dude, it's been like, years.
Starlight held up her own whiteboard, her own message written, Yeah, everybody's totally adjusted to this
Applejack held up a sight where she'd written, in incredibly elegant letters, We have installed a state of the art drainage system, systematically channeling the inevitable flooding away from Ponyville.
Rainbow held up a sign beneath hers, It's Fillydelphia's problem now.
Pinkie Pie held up a sign, I still miss cupcakes though
Finally, Rarity finished the angry message she had been taking all this time to write...
U RUIND MY DRESSESSESSS!!!!
Ipekaka blinked, it's many mouths opening and closing, not in unison, but in surprise as it looked for a response. "Wait... Wait... seriously?" it stared at them for a moment, then raised one of its amorphous appendages to smack it against its head, "Did I set the spell to go off three YEARS before I woke up instead of three DAYS?!"
Twilight shrugged, holding up her sign, Looks like it, dude.
Ipekaka raised several fist-like things to the sky, letting out a most horribe sounding multi-scream from its too-many mouths, "NOOO! NOOO!! IT CAN'T BE!!! DEFEATED BY THE AUTHOR'S INABILIY TO FINISH WRITING HER STORIES IN A TIMELY MANNER!!!"
Twilight just shrugged, changing her sign, Sorry dude, I don't know what to tell ya.
Rarity held up her sign to Twilight, WE SHULD KILL IT!!!!
Twilight shook her head, writing on her own whiteboard, No, let's just talk it out.
Ipekaka sobbed where it sat, as a plan which had been formulated before the beginning of time itself was foiled by nothing more than time itself, the most humiliating defeat a being from beyond space could suffer, especially considering space and time are like, the same thing.
Rarity finally finished scrawling another message, IT RUIN MY DRESSESSES!!! I WANT DEDED!!!
Applejack held up a sign with a quickly written message, Please, Rarity, contain yourself. Surely there is a better way to handle this than senseless violence.
Rarity just gave her a fuming look, and would probably be grinding her teeth were there not a constant stream of vomit pouring from her mouth.
Fluttershy held up her own sign, I agree with Rarity. It is a worthless and ugly thing, devoid of all value. It is better for the world that we kill it now.
Twilight shook her head, holding up her own sign, No, no, let's try talking to it a bit more. She turned to Ipekaka's strange and writhing mass, which would've been a color not of this world, were it not for the fact that the puke they'd been constantly puking for the past three years was that very same color. She stepped towards it as she wrote out another message, holding up her sign to it... "Ipekaka", was it?Can we talk?
Ipekaka, for its great and terrible part, let out long, gurgling sighs from its multitude of mouths, "Yeah... Yeah, ok..."
Twilight nodded, writing another message out. I'm sorry but, I don't understand. What exactly was your plan here?
Ipekaka let out another multitude-sigh, holding up some hand-like things as it explained, "Well, ya see, I'm an Eldritch Horror from before time and space, and attacking planets like yours is kind of our thing. So, as a primordial vomit-based entity, my plan was to make every living creature vomit for a while, then dominate the world while all the major factions were distracted with the crisis... I mean, it was like, a major crisis, right?"
Twilight looked at it, uneasy.
"...It was a serious problem at least, right??"
The wincing in Twilight's eyes got more intense.
"...Oh come on! Did it cause a problem at all?!?"
Twilight shrugged, holding up a sympathetic note on her sign, It was confusing, and it took a couple hours to calm everyone down?
Ipekaka threw what passed for its head back, and let out exhasperated groans from its multitude-mouths, "Oh come ON!! You mean I made everyone on your planet vomit with elder magics from before time itself, and it wasn't even a big deal?!?"
Applejack held up a sign of her own again, I don't know what you expected: you just made us all vomit. It wasn't painful, or life-threatening, just inconveniently messy. We aren't fragile. We are a strong and proud people, who will bounce back from anything, even if it means we can no longer grow and eat delicious apples.
Starlight stepped up too, holding up her sign, Also, the nature of your vomit spell means we don't need to eat or breathe. I consider that a plus.
Rarity held up her own sign which she'd been writing on this whole time, TWI LIGHT WE KILL IT NOW
Ipekaka moaned a multitude of moans, its blobby mass leaning against a wall... it perked up though, "Oh... Oh! But that's still ok! Even if you haven't been laid low by my spell, I am still..." it took on that horror-intonation again, "Ipekaka the terrible, conquerer of worlds and unworlds! My vomitous forme is timeless and invincible... nothing short of a rainbow laser can defeat me!!" It laughed a great and terrible laugh.
Twilight held up her own sign again, Uh... I can summon a Rainbow Laser at will.
Ipekaka looked down at the sign, and it's laughter was immediately cut short, "Wait... Really?"
Twilight nodded, holding up her sign, Yeah. Sorry Dude.
Ipekaka winced, or at least, gave some expression with its many eyes and mouths which passed for a wince, "Ah... Well... I don't suppose I could at least press for some sort of appeasement, could I?"
Fluttershy held up her own sign, You are a worthless waste of space. Why would we do anything less than do the world a favor and kill you?
But Twilight put her hoof on Fluttershy's sign, lowering it down and shaking her head. If the literary masterpiece of "Tails gets Trolled" had taught her anything, it was that violence was not the answer here. She held up her own sign, What do you have in mind?
Ipekaka thought, "Oh... geez... I dunno... How do I even go about making demands? I wasn't ready to negotiate..."
Twilight nodded, writing another message, What were you going to do after you conquered the world?
Ipekaka shrugged, "Well... I dunno, I never really planned that far ahead."
Twilight's eyes widened, her vomit-stained mane starting to curl.
Ipekaka held up some of its almost-hands, "I mean... I just figured 'World Domination' was a good life-goal."
Twilight stomped a hoof, stepping forward, holding up her sign as she hastily scrawled out words, Are you KIDDING ME?!
Rarity held up her sign, TWILIGHT WE KILL IT NOW
Twilight kept scrawling, YOU'RE TELLING ME WE'VE BEEN VOMITTING FOR THREE YEARS STRAIGHT, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE AN END GOAL?!
"H-hey, take it easy, it was a rookie mistake..."
I SPENT TWO YEARS CLEANING VOMIT OUT OF MY BOOKS... it had taken her that long to realize she could laminate them ...AND YOU CALL THAT A "ROOKIE MISTAKE"!?!
TWILITE WE KILL IT NAOW
IT IS A USELESS, WORTHLESS THING, DEVOID OF ALL MORAL VALUE. BY ALL MEANS IT IS A JUSTICE TO THE WORLD IT IS MADE UNALIVE.
I am beginning to come around to Rarity and Fluttershy's position. I may have saved the orchard, but never again will I or another pony know the taste of its wonderful apples, because of this terrible creature that, if you think about it, doesn't even belong in this universe, and forfeited its ethical rights to life the moment it tried this.
Same.
I WANNA HAVE A PARTY IN ITS CORPSE! WHEEEEEE!!!
Twilight looked over at Starlight, as if to plead for her moral guidance as a reformed villain.
Starlight shrugged, holding up her sign, I don't mind it, but they got a point...
Twilight turned to Ipekaka, horn lighting as she held up her sign, Sorry dude, looks like you die. She started powering up the rainbow laser.
Ipekaka held up its many not-hands in front of its not-face, "WAIT!! I CAN MAKE YOU STOP VOMITTING!!"
Twilight stopped her laser at half charge, looking over at her vommitting friends, then back at the edritch horror they were bargaining with... Go on...
"I can make you stop vomitting! If I do that, will you let me live??"
Twilight sat down in the puddle of puke, not even caring that she'd just soaked her own butt, which was already puke-stained brown. She tilted her head from side to side, weighing her options...
Return the world to its pre-puking state, or get revenge in one act of friendship-powered violence...
Stop puking... or get revenge...
Ohh... It was such a hard decision to make!!
Finally she rolled her eyes, holding up her sign, Ok, fine. Stop the puke, and we won't kill you.
Pinkie hopped over, pushing her sign forward pleadingly, But Twiiiliiiight!! I wanna have a corpse-party!!!
Twilight pushed her aside, holding up her own sign in response, I know, I do too, but vomiting is inconvenient and gross.
She turned to the great horror that was Ipekaka, the terribly inconvenient and terribly outmatched. With a nod, she held up her sign, Do it.
Ipekaka nodded meekly with its massive not-head, and just like that, they all felt the vomit pouring from their mouthes slow down to a trickle, and finally, abate. All around them, the vomit dissolved into a softer fluid, seeping into the ground, leaving nothing but well-fertilized soil in its wake.
Twilight coughed for a moment, then took a deep breath, "Oh... OH! Wow, I... totally forgot how nice it felt to NOT be vomitting all the time."
Pinkie Pie began to bounce up and down, "I GET TO EAT CUPCAKES AGAIN!!!"
Fluttershy smiled brightly, "And I get to see the smiling faces of all my cute little animal friends again!" She fluttered up into the air, doing a happy twirl.
Applejack reared up, kicking the air in front of her, "HOT DIGGITY! Ah can go back ta farmin' mah apples y'all!!"
Rarity nodded, "And I can go back to making dresses without having to account for the constant expulsion of foul substances!"
Rainbow shrugged, "Eh. I could take it or leave it."
Off to the side, Starlight just mumbled sadly, "...but I kinda liked vomiting all the time..."
Twilight sighed happily, looking across the open countryside as she enjoyed the simple pleasure of closing her mouth and not constantly vomitting...
...the world was one again, as it should be.
"I'm uh... I'm just gonna go..." Ipekaka muttered, sliding away, back into the depths of the dread citatel of spew, closing those massive doors behind it.
Twilight gave them a funny look as they shut themselves, tilting her head as she wondered why he'd bothered with the dread citadel, and what he was going to do with it now that he had suffering a complete, utter, and totally embarrassing defeat.
Her thoughts were broken as Starlight tapped her on the shoulder, "Hey... Twilight? Won't the fact that most of the fields would've been drowned in vomit, and the global food supply has been halted for three years straight cause like... I dunno, some sort of international food crisis?"
"Eh, I'm sure the writer will resolve that plot-hole off screen... It's not like she cares about this story anyway."
And so, the food-shortages were quickly resolved offscreen, with no perceivable consequences.
Author's Note
Happy April Fools!
The only fanfic that asks the Question! (or, How Twilight Sparkle learned to stop worrying and love to Vomit)
It was a day like any other, except that it was Tuesday, and Twilight was currently stressing that nothing insane had happened, even though it was late afternoon.
In a place called “ponyville”, something insane was always bound to happen on Tuesday.
So there she was, flitting between the windows of her castle and going over her calendars, diaries, and almanacs, all with a frown. Spike was out of town for the week, and Starlight was spending the day with Trixie. She was all alone, and her stomach was starting to feel uncomfortable. This was when our thoughtful hero asked the first important question...
Why does my stomach feel weird? Am I going to Vomit?
The answer was yes.
Twilight began to retch as she dropped her book on the table. “No... Not now... Oh nooo...” she gargled, rushing over to the nearby wastebin, mouth already beginning to fill with that taste that only made you feel sicker. (good job evolution) She opened her mouth, and the vomit collecting there promptly gushed into the wastebin, followed by a steady stream of more vomit.
Dangit, there goes my lunch... She thought, not realizing the gravity of her situation as she noticed that the yellow-green substance she was suddenly producing didn’t look like what she’d had for lunch, prompting the second question for the ages...
What is this stuff I’m vomiting anyway?
She didn’t know. It was like no vomit she had ever vomited before, and she kept sputtering and gagging, her body now shaking, but the stream kept coming, and that was when she asked the third question...
How long is this going to last?
Whatever the answer was, it was clearly longer than the bucket could hold. The neat-freak pony watched in horror as the vomit finally spilled over the sides of the wastebin, spilling onto the plush carpet of the floor.
Oh no! Is that going to leave a stain?
This wasn’t a question for the ages, because yes Twilight, of course it’s going to leave a stain. That’s what vomit does. The truly important question was the one that came to mind as she stumbled into the hallway, splattering the shiny crystal flooring with her unending spew.
Where is this stuff even coming from?
She walked towards the front of the castle, hoping to perhaps find aid in her plight, but it was slow going: vomiting was an arduous task, and it didn’t help that she kept slipping in it. By the time she got to her front door, her entire front-end was dripping with ground-in vomit. And still, the vomit kept coming, as well as the questions.
Will this ever stop?
She wondered, if she went out in public like this, if the papers would publish photographs of her. Perhaps they’d come up with a headline like “Pukey Pony Princess” or “Pony Princess of Puke” or “Twilight you dumb Pony, Puke in the Potty!” All of those were even worse than the idea of vomiting for another few seconds, as she had now gotten used to the taste in her mouth and the feeling of stuff spraying out her food-hole. That was when she glanced back down the hall, noticing the constant trail of vomit behind her as a pool formed around her. She found it odd that she’d managed to walk all that way with her mouth entirely busy with its own problems, which begged another question...
Do I not need to breathe anymore?
Apparently not, as she wasn’t feeling at all winded, despite the fact that she had been vomiting for several minutes straight. In fact, she didn’t even feel a need to breathe, as if her lungs were just unnecessary. The only thing she needed to do was vomit.
Anyway, contemplating this had given the pool time to grow, and she figured she should walk out and face the paparazzi before the entire front area was vomit-central. When she opened her door, she was met with a sight that prompted yet another great question...
Who else is vomiting?
The roads were all covered in vomit, which oozed across the ground away from the epicenter that was the town of Ponyville. She rolled her eyes, and would’ve sighed if she wasn’t vomiting constantly.
She really hated Tuesdays.
She walked down the steps, the puke gushing from her mouth splattering against them and running down to join the rest of it. She stepped out onto the road, her hooves splashing in the vomit of other ponies, which was kinda gross, she thought, but she realized that if she was going to keep vomiting like this it would be rude to judge other ponies for it.
As she walked through the town, she saw ponies everywhere, standing on the street, just vomiting, their faces having turned to mild annoyance as the initial shock of the non-stop spew wore off. Lyra gave her a wave with a vomit-covered forehoof from a bench where she sat next to Bonbon, both casually vomiting. Twilight waved back with her own vomit-covered hoof. Overhead, several pegasi flew by, and she had to slip under an awning to avoid the shower of vomit coming down from their mouths. It was kind of rude, but then again, she was already mostly covered in vomit, so it wasn’t like it’d be much worse if one of them had hurled on her.
A wetness on her rump made her realize her mistake all too late: she’d sat down. On the ground. Which was covered in vomit. She rolled her eyes as she stood back up, continuing on down the street. After all, she wasn’t the only pony covered in vomit. Other ponies looked like they’d been full on showered in the stuff, but none of them seemed too perturbed, only annoyed that this was what was happening.
It was Tuesday after all.
She kept walking, not even bothering to be careful about sinking her hooves into the puddles of vomit which splashed against her legs. The vomit-level of the vomit-flood was slowly rising now, as the ponies kept adding to it with their own contributions, and it forced her to wonder...
Is there anypony who ISN’T vomitting?
The answer was no, but she didn’t know it was no, so she kept looking around so she could know. She splashed through sugarcube corner, where the Cakes had exhausted themselves with worrying about the mess and had resigned themselves to just having a puke-bakery, while Pinkie Pie, who was completely coated in the stuff, had turned their dining area into a slip-n-slide, and was now sliding around with the Cake Twins and some other foals who had wandered in. (school was cancelled due to it being a vomit-day.) They would’ve been giggling with glee if they weren’t busy vomiting.
She walked back out, only to see Fluttershy leading a group of ducks, who were also vomiting, through town. The ducks basically floated along on top of the vomit, finding it easy to just swim. It made Twilight wonder if the fish would also be able to swim, or if they’d die because they were swimming in vomit. Hopefully Fluttershy wasn’t too upset about that. After all, it’s ok to eat fish ‘cause they don’t have any feelings.
She walked past Applejack, who was looking dejectedly at her apple cart as the vomit lapped at the bottoms of her apple-baskets, which were going unsold, as nopony wanted to buy food while they were vomiting. If it didn’t stop, Applejack would need a new profession.
Above her, she could trace a vomit-fall up to a cloud, where Rainbow Dash was napping while vomitting. Of course, Rainbow would be the pony to find it easy to sleep while the stuff was pouring out her mouth, but at least her coat had stayed clean.
She walked along, passing Trixie, who was casually brushing her mane, and Starlight, who walked grumpily along, her entire backside covered in Trixie’s vomit, much to her frustration. Twilight considered figuring out some way to ask, but was a very smart pony, and could put two and two together to make four, and could also piece together enough to know that this was a question she’d rather not know the answer to.
Finally, she made her way to carousel boutique, the door of which was hanging open, but there was no pony inside. She found it strange, so she walked towards it, only to trip over something squishy, like a vomit-covered marshmallow, lying in the wakway in front of the door. Her body splashed down in the vomit, becoming submeged.
Great... she thought, So much for keeping at least my mane clean. At least this stuff is warm...
She lifted her head from the vomit, glancing back behind her as she stood. Another pony, also covered in vomit, lifted her head from the ground. Her horn lit up, creating writing in the air...
“Leave me be Twilight! If vomit is to be the new life, then I have nothing to live for!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, of course Rarity would be the only pony to not be able to handle this new, vomit-filled way of life. She was about to reply by telling her that vomit wasn’t forever, but then a new question, greater than all the others she had asked this day, came to her...
Are we going to be vomiting forever?
She glanced up in the direction of Canterlot, and that was when she saw it... A constant flow of vomit, flowing over the sides, running in rivers of puke down the side of the mountain.
Everypony was vomiting, Everypony everywhere was vomiting. There was no pony that was not vomiting, and no place that wasn’t covered in vomit.
Finally, Twilight had come to terms with the one answer to the one question that she needed to know the answer to...
Is this the new normal?
Yes Twilight, but that’s not what you should be asking...
Are we going to have to change our lifestyles to accommodate this sudden need to vomit constantly and without end? What would that Equestria even look like?
That’s right Twilight. That’s the Million Dollar question. And the answer is yes. Yes you are. Welcome to your new life Twilight Sparkle, you are now the princess of Puquestria, first among puking ponies. You’re a Pukey Pony Puke Princess, in a Pukey Pony Puke-World!
WELCOME TO THE VOMITVERSE!
Soon enough, ponies were redesigning their homes. They needed to be on stilts, with drains in the floor, so that the vomit wouldn’t pool in them and seep out the doors constantly. Roads were raised and canals were dug, so that ponies could walk around without having to constantly wade through vomit.
It smelled horrible, like nothing before it, but everypony got used to it on the first day, so they didn’t mind.
All the crops died, because the fields were flooded with vomit, but that was ok, because somehow the ponies didn’t need to eat anymore: they just vomited eternally.
New communication methods were invented to cope with the loss of the mouth, mostly of ponies writing things on whiteboards while holding them away from the steady stream of vomit spurting from their faces.
One day, many months later, Starlight walked up to Twilight as she was studying. She kept her book behind a pane of glass, so the vomit wouldn’t get on it on its way towards the drain in the floor. After all, vomit was her new life, but vomit-proofing books was still a work in progress. Starlight tapped her on the shoulder, pulling out her whiteboard and quickly writing with her bright blue marker...
“Hey Twilight, you remember what it was like before we started vomiting?”
Twilight nodded, writing back with her own violet one, “Yeah, but I don’t really think about it anymore.”
This was their new life after all, and even looking back, there wasn’t anything she’d change.
And so everypony lived Happily, Vomiting Ever After.
THE END
Author's Note
THERE'S MY FANFIC EVERYPONY, DON'T FORGET TO RATE AND REVIEW! :V
(No, seriously, hit the like button: imagine this story making the front page!)
