“...And there I was, with five highly trained V.I.L.E agents facing me, all but one equipped with the latest of semi-automatic shotguns, the SOMBRA-53FD, with laser sight, night vision and USB-connection. I knew I only had 20 minutes before the bomb was to detonate, and by then I needed to be on the 2:47 train towards Barcelona. The door behind me was hermetically shut, courtesy of the top notch Hayphone 9.2 I had on me. But that left me with but one way to go. Forward. And I had nothing with me except for my trusted Baletta two90… and my training.” The scarred and experienced storyteller peered at her audience over her pitch-black sunglasses. “Do you know what I did?”
The audience, a seven year old girl with rather pronounced front teeth, peered out from her hiding place behind her trusted teddy bear and bodyguard, Mr. Mister. “...Ran away?”
Special Agent Sweetie Drops let out a “pah!”, corrected her sunglasses and took a sip of her martini that tasted an awful lot like cherry cola, “Of course I didn't! An Agent looks danger in its face and gives it the fi….raspberry! No! What I did was nothing less than brilliant! I did…”
“Well, you sure did not do what your parents told you, young lady! Lights were supposed to be out half an hour ago! You both have school to attend tomorrow! And yet here I find you, still wide awake, scaring your sister with your wild stories! The poor thing won't sleep for a week!”
Special Agent Sweetie Drops removed her sunglasses and put them away in her drawer, turning back into 12 year old BonBon again. She sighed. Her mother had no sense of timing. She was just about to come up with… TELL her sister how she escaped from V.I.L.E’s secret headquarter in Sevilla. Stupid Mother.
“I wasn't scared Mother! I promise! I'm a big girl!”
“Really, Minolta? I have a memory of a certain ‘big girl' that came crawling into our bedroom last night… Bad dreams, I recall? Hmm?”
Minolta blushed as their mother lifted her up and gently laid her down on the pillow, tucking her in. She gave Minolta a kiss of her forehead. “Well, just so you know, there is plenty of space in there, even for big girls, should the need occur. And that goes for ‘special agents’ as well, BonBon.” She paused. “Is that… a glass of soda?” The brief hint of lightness in her mother's voice was gone, replaced with cold disdain for breaking the house rules.
Bonbon stared at the item in question. How could she forget to put it away! She looked up into the glaring eyes of her mother. She had seen it many times before, ‘Don't even TRY lying to me’. No point in denying. Heck, even Jane Bond would have cracked under the gaze of BonBon’s mother, Alsesta Grandeur. Jimminy crickets, Mother could probably give Blofeld a match.
“Yes, Mother.”
“Is that allowed before the weekend?”
“No Mother. “
“Where did you get it?”
“Bought it at the Sweet Shoppe, Mother. Just a small can!”
“...Just a small can, you say?”
“Yes!”
“Show me.”
“What?”
“Show me. The can.”
“Eh…”
Now things were critical! The can had not been small; in fact, it had been an XL-size, because Mr. Cake was in a good mood earlier. The very big can was in fact at the bottom of the waste paper basket. She didn't have a small can! Things were going south quick! Staying up late was one thing, but breaking the holy rule of soda and candy on weekends only? And then be caught lying to Mother? She would lose her TV rights for sure! And this weekend when they were going to do a “The Girl from A.U.N.T.I.E” marathon!
Come on, BonBon! Think! What would Sweetie drops do? What did she do when emperor Palpatine caught her and was using the Force to make her talk…
“Well? I am waiting, young lady!”
“It's… not here.”
“Not here. Okay. So where is it?”
“The kitchen!”
“Kitchen? Why would it be there?”
“Because… I poured the glass there! And then I threw the can in the recycle bin. Just like you taught me.”
BonBon attempted a little smile. Her mother was still glaring at her, and breathed through her nose. “It is empty. I personally emptied it at eight, after dinner.” But BonBon was prepared.
“I threw it in there before.”
“Really.”
“Really!”
Her mother took a few steps closer towards BonBon. Don't break eye contact don't break eye contact don't break…
“Alright then. I'll let you off easy."
Her mother stretched out her hand and took the glass. "You're grounded until Monday and are not allowed to leave the house without adult supervision! TV is maximum three hours a day and you're on dishes for the whole weekend. And don't let me catch you drinking soda again!” Phew. Jane Bond: Zero. Sweetie Drops:1000! Sure, being grounded for the weekend wasn't fun, but there were worse alternatives. She considered this a victory. But it was too early to show relief. Head down, eyes on the floor. Look penitent.
“Yes Mother.”
“Good. Now go to sleep.” Mother gave BonBon a light kiss on her hair and turned for the door.
“I'm not tired, mother!” Minolta protested.
“Hmpf. Yes you are, Minolta.”
“Can't we get a story?”
“I think your sister has told you enough stories to last a weekend. It's way to late for a story anyway.”
“Pleeeease?”
“I can read a recipe from my latest book if you want?”
Minolta pouted and sank down into her bed. “No… they always end in the oven. That's boring.”
“Well, suit yourself then. Goodnight!”
“Goodnight Mother!”
Alsesta Grandeur turned off the ceiling light, only leaving Minolta's Fillysecond night light to glow in the darkness. Bonbon heard her mother walk down the stairs and then the sound of the TV turning on. Soon enough, the voice of the news anchor got competition from her sister’s light snoring.
“‘Not tired’… Minolta, please! This way you will never become an agent!”
Minolta’s answer was a snore. Bonbon frowned. Well… honestly, she was about as close to becoming a secret agent herself. Which was not at all. She sighed. It wasn't fair! She was smart, she was fast, she could tapdance, she could stand the pressure of her mother’s interrogation… most of the time… and she could survive torture! (Mutter’s attempts at cooking, the dentist, and treatments against lice!) Special Agent Sweetie Drops was ready for service! BonBon sighed. If only reality would enlist her. Some day.
And with a resigned bitterness, she faded off to sleep.
Two days later: Saturday morning. The Grandeur family sat at the breakfast table. Mother sipped her pitch black coffee and looked at absolutely nothing. Mutter, the famous (BonBon assumed she was at least) photographer Foto Finish, was eating yoghurt with peach jam, gazing at Mother with dreamy eyes. Well, Foto was an alias, which had led to BonBon being convinced that Mutter must be a Holsteinland spy! But in the end, she was just an ordinary famous fashion photographer. Her real name was Fransbrötchen, a name used by no one anymore. Mother called her Fransie.
Minolta had been served corn flakes and whole milk, which she ate in silence. Only BonBon did nothing. She had already finished her breakfast (Two boiled eggs and a glass of apple juice) and was just waiting for Mutter or Mother to say “Well, today we're going to…”
Saturdays were fun days, happy days, runallthatyouwantdays. And Mother, as cold and stern as she appeared to the general public, knew how to treat her kids. Water parks, zoos, Whinnyland… Some people accused them of being spoiled, to which her mother replied “They are definitely NOT spoiled! It is important for kids today to get as much exercise and knowledge as possible, and when school is not sufficient, it is a parent’s DUTY to make sure they get what is good for them!” And even when BonBon or Minolta was grounded, it remained unacceptable for their parents to skip the usual Saturday fun.
Now Mother had finished her coffee and looked at Minolta and BonBon.
“Well, kids… today you're going to have…”
Yes? Yes? Yes?
“ A babysitter.”
“What!” Bonbon felt like a deflating balloon. “ Whyyy?”
“Because, BonBon, I need to go to work a few hours. We're having a most important lunch event and you know I don't trust anyone else with the crustaads.”
“Yeah, but… Mutter is home!”
“Ach ja, aber Bonchen, liebe! I muzt spend ze day editing ze pics I have sold to Cozmo. Zey keep changing their minds all ze time! I will spend ze day in ze basement und I need not to be disturbed!”
“But… But we won't disturb you! I promise!”
“So jo have said before, Bonchen. Und I know jo mean it, but zen suddenly Minolta falls down from a tree or jo gets stuck behind ze sofa…”
“What do you mean, “Minolta fell down from a tree?” Mother's question shot out like a wasp, but Mutter waved it off.
“It vas a long time ago and just a tiny tree, Engelchen. Anyway, while I normally don't mind a visit from mein engels… Today, I must produce… Ze magicks!”
Bonbon sighed. Minolta had been silent, but her face told the same story. She did not want a babysitter. She wanted to have a fun Saturday with her moms. They both did. Ah well. An Agent knows when the battle is lost.
“Oh alright… Who's coming?”
“Dandy.”
BonBon grunted. “Nnoooo! Not Uncle Dandy! He's boring!”
“Yeah”, Minolta piped up, “He only plays for a little while and then he just sits in on the couch watching makeup tutorials on his phone…” She suddenly brightened a little. “Unless he wants to play Monopoly!”
“Like I said. Boring, “ BonBon replied.
“Be that as may, he was the only one available with such short notice! I need to go now. He will be here in half an hour. Oh don't you give me that face, young lady. One day you will have your own daughter to disappoint!”
“But Mother! What about lunch?!” Minolta had jumped down from her chair and ran to give her mother a hug. Alsesta hugged back, blushing slightly as she freed herself from the grasp of her youngest.
“Of course I wouldn’t let you starve, I’m not a monster.” She walked over to the refrigerator and opened it, revealing a huge meat pie and what was best described as a cream and fruit covered paradise. “Shepherd’s pie and a trifle. The perfect balance of protein and Saturday. Now I need to run. Behave, kids. Behave, Fransie.”
“Ach! It is jo, engländer, zat must behave!” Mutter gave Mother a long kiss. “Fransie! The kids… well… um… yes.”
Then Mother’s cell phone rang.
“Alsesta Grandeur. What? Allergic to nuts? And they squeezed that out today? ...Charge them double and make something. I don't know, I pay you to do desserts! Look here… silence!” She turned from the phone. “I need to go, it's urgent. Cretins… Now YOU LISTEN!”
And she was out.
“Well! Since jo are still on dish duty, Bonchen, I leave zis to jo. I… must go!”
“It’s not fair, Mutter. It's always my day for some reason or another when you are home!”
“Well of course! I have all ze other days, when I'm not! Now be mein gut kind and wash up! I need to work!” And with an expressive gesture, she was gone, and the basement door closed behind her.
“Well Minolta, I guess…”
BonBon looked around. No Minolta.
“...Brat…” She sighed, and started cleaning the table. She made a special round through the house to see if there were any more dishes left, but it was all. When she passed the front door, she found that it was slightly ajar. Better close it. Mother doesn't like drafts. She did so, and walked into the kitchen to get stuff done. There weren’t too many plates or glasses, since most of the family ate light breakfasts. It was also the rule that when someone had dish duty, usage of the dishwasher was prohibited. It was pretty harsh. But to Mother's credit, she was equally hard on herself. When she had dish duty, she really got her hands dirty.
Some ten minutes later, when BonBon was done and finally found Minolta hiding in the sauna, Dandy arrived. Uncle Dandy was Mother's twin brother, and the word ‘colorful’ was probably the best way to describe him. ‘Camp’, Mother called him. Which was odd because BonBon didn’t take him for a big nature lover.
“Hello my DARLINGS! I hope you are ready for a day of adventure because DANDY is here to make everything fabulous!”
Minolta cheered and took her uncle’s hand, dragging him up to her room. BonBon sighed. She knew how it would end. Sure, Uncle Dandy was very enthusiastic at first, but give it half an hour…
Half an hour later, Dandy was sitting on the couch, remote control in hand. “Phew. That was INTENSE! I had NO IDEA Bo Peep has such an involved life! I need a moment to rest.”
Bonbon sighed. Just as always. Grown-ups were weird. She sat down next to him, a classic McBain in hand that she had wanted to re-read for a while. Thunderbald. She might as well get used to Uncle Dandy’s company, because from that couch from now on and until lunch, he wouldn't be going anywhere. Well, not unless…
“Uncle Dandy! Do you want to play Monopoly?”
“Of course! Get ready to get your money swiped away, kid!”
“Ha! It is you, Uncle, that will have to bite the mullet!”
BonBon sat straight up in the couch and stared at her sister. Oh no. Oh no she didn't. Not the antithesis of fun and games! And unfortunately the one passion shared by both Minolta and Dandy. And Mother. And had Mother been here she wouldn't have stood a chance! But now…
“It's a lovely day I will read on the balcony bye!”
And so, she too was gone.
***
Even if she wasn't allowed to leave the house, there were ways to get air and sun anyway. The balcony upstairs was large and filled with comfy chairs and even a beanbag. As for attire, BonBon had decided to go for classic cute today. A red and purple dress with long sleeves, purple pantyhose and a bandana to keep her hair out of her eyes. The long sleeves had been a wise choice, because when the sun was clouded, the winds were chilly. And also rather strong!
BonBon tried her best to read, but the wind was stronger than she had anticipated and it was hard to keep the pages open. She sighed, and put down the book. What to do. She couldn't go outside, because then she would have to interact with Uncle Dandy, and he was playing the devil’s boardgame. Plus, he never wanted to go outside anyway. And to disturb Mutter with anything less newsworthy than an inferno exploding in the house… no.
BonBon closed her eyes. From the ventilation shaft she heard loud voices, probably from Minolta arguing over rules. She also heard the pipes flush. Someone was in the bathroom. Even that would be less boring.
“Why does McBain always find a way out of these situations! My life needs a better writer…”
“Bonnie! Boooonnie!”
Sometimes the writers hears you, children. BonBon smiled, that big smile you get from pleasant surprises. Lyra Heartstrings, Her Bestiebestbestest friend in the whole wide world (BBBFITWWW for short) was running along the street towards her house! In seconds, BonBon was down the stairs throwing the door open for her friend and giving her a huge hug. Behind them she heard Dandy. “That's your third toilet break! Now let's start the game FOR REAL!” She sighed on the inside, released Lyra and said,
“Lyra! I thought you were still grounded!”
“Nah. Daddy said two weeks, but today he said ‘It's much less a punishment for you as it is for us! Now go out and spread chaos somewhere else!’”
“Did… he really say that?”
“Dunno. Kinda. Sorta. Doesn't matter! Wanna come with me to the park?”
It was, in spite of the wind, rather a nice day in late spring. A trip to the park would be fun. Lyra was dressed for the occasion, White jeans and a light blue hoodie.
BonBon frowned. “No. I can't. I'm grounded. And Mother is away, Mutter is busy with ZE MAGICKS and Uncle Dandy is sitting us. And you know how HE is.”
“You're grounded? For what?”
“Drinking soda in bed on a Thursday.”
“They grounded you for THAT?”
BonBon sighed. “Most people try to behave, Lyra. Not everyone tries to summon talking ponies by running around school property without pants at night.”
“Most people lack vision!” Lyra shook her head. “Bummer anyway. I wanted to see if they had fixed up the old dance gazebo.”
“Me too… ah well. Wanna come inside? Lunch is soon, and Mother made a trifle!”
“What's a trifle? “
“Something that looks like cake but isn't.”
“Sounds… weird.”
“No it's good! Come on, I'll show you!”
The distance from the front door to the refrigerator was exactly 27 steps. A special agent must know every peculiarity.
“Can we play video games later?” asked Lyra.
“No. Minolta and Dandy are hogging the living room. We're not jumping down in that hole!”
“Are they playing Monopoly again? I dunno… could be fun.”
“Not with them. Hey, we could…”
“Not Clue.” insisted Lyra.
“But why!”
“You're you're such a sore loser.”
“Am not!” BonBon folded her arms.
“Are too! Besides, you keep making it harder than it is. Last time you spent 35 minutes hovering over one move!”
“Hmph.”
“Right. Hey, have you seen that MyStable video of the guy falling through a hole in the roof? It's hysterical! Let's go to your room and I'll show you!”
“Okay, but you have to look at this first! It's de-lish….huh?”
Bonbon had opened the door to the fridge but froze midway. The shepherd’s pie stood there, hearty and fragrant with a lovely scent of thyme and fresh herbs. But where the trifle had stood was nothing but an empty space.
“What the…”
“Is that a trifle? It looks like a meat pie.”
“No! Well, yeah… it's a meat pie… but the trifle stood next to it!”
“Oh. But where is it now?”
“I don't know! I haven't been here since I finished the dishes and… Hey Lyra…”
“Yeeaaah…?” A worried tone had found its way into Lyra’s voice.
“The trifle is gone. I haven't taken it. And I've been away from here for max one hour…. Do you know what this is?”
“Noooo….?”
“A mystery! A perfect mystery! And not only that! A case for Special Agent Sweetie Drops! To my room! I need my glasses!” BonBon smiled that rare, manic smile that showed the world that at times she truly was her Mutter’s girl. Lyra resigned and found herself dragged away.
“Okay…ouch!”
Bonbon dragged Lyra upstairs to the room she shared with her sister. Lyra sat down at Minolta's desk and read a Power Ponies comic while Bonbon changed. Special Agent Sweetie Drops had a special outfit. Sunglasses, black t-shirt, black vest with lots of useful pockets, a belt where she could put her water pistol, black jeans and black socks. She even changed to black underwear. Lyra had finished the comic by the time BonBon was done.
“So… what now?”
“Now, “ replied BonBon, “We must find out what happened and secure evidence.”
“But… don't we know what happened? Someone took it?”
“Possible… but it could also have been nicked by a more ingenuous criminal… Like a catburglar for instance.”
“I thought you said that it was a cake that was stolen.”
“It wa… nevermind.” Note to self, don't try to impress Lyra with thinking outside the box… “We must start the investigation immediately”
“Oh yeah! Shall we call the police?”
“Lyra, come on! This is my big chance! Why should we call the police? So they can take my case from me? “
“No!” cried Lyra. “So they can warn people! Rarity would be furious if someone absconded with Opal!”
BonBon facepalmed. “Lyra…. There is no catburglar! It was just an example! Also… Come on! A cat burglar isn't someone stealing cats!“
“...You sure?”
Bonbon sighed. “Yes. They climb house facades and breaks in through windows.”
“Okay.” Lyra paused. “...What do you call burglars that actually steal cats if ‘catburglar’ is already taken by somebody who--”
“KITCHEN! NOW!”
***
The kitchen was as empty as before. BonBon first opened the fridge. Then she started to examine the kitchen floor and the hallway floor. They had covered almost the entire first floor of the house when Lyra asked “What are you doing?”
“Looking for footprints.”
“Inside?”
“Uh-huh.”
“On the linoleum tile?”
“You must always examine EVERYTHING! Because you never know what's important! And now we know! No one has walked here wearing shoes containing knives or hidden razors. ...too bad. Now for the rest of the kitchen.”
Lyra gave her friend a weird look. But then she shrugged her shoulders. BonBon had her shticks, better let her have it. They could search for talking ponies later. Hmmm… if catburglars breaks through windows… does that mean that we have been searching for shoeburglars now? She considered asking BonBon but decided not to. It was probably a special agent thing.
BonBon had produced a magnifying glass and used it to scrutinize the fridge. Lyra walked aimlessly around the kitchen and stopped in front of a small cabinet. It was the size of a microwave, but the microwave was placed near the sink. Unless they had two! But why was there a lock on it? Lyra unhatched it and opened it. Inside there was a dark hole and a crank. As she turned it, a black box slowly descended from above.
“Bonnie?”
“What is it, Lyra? This is rather important! The entire bowl is gone.”
“What is this?”
“What is what? Oh. That's the food elevator.”
“What's that for?”
“Sending warm food to the second floor. We use it sometimes when someone's sick. Not sure if it still works though.”
“It does. I just tried it.”
Bonbon raised an eyebrow, then she walked over to Lyra and gave the crank a turn. The box went down a few inches and then BonBon cranked it up again. “Huh. It does. And it appears it goes both… hmm…”
“Is this important?”
“Too early to say.”
BonBon turned her back to Lyra and walked out of the kitchen. Lyra stayed behind, playing with the crank and making the box go up and down for some minutes.
When BonBon returned, she stood and looked at Lyra in silence for some minutes. “Interesting….”
Lyra jumped. “Oh! ...what is?”
BonBon indicated the food elevator. “This.”
“Any more clues?”
“Yes… There's just a few pieces left, I can feel it. ...What's the matter?”
Lyra blushed. She had been jumping slightly where she stood. “Um… I need to use the little girls’ room.”
“Okay. You know where it is.”
As Lyra disappeared into the bathroom, BonBon examined the door to the basement. Locked from the inside as Mutter always did when she wanted to be alone. BonBon once more stood in the hallway thinking when Minolta came out from the living room. At the sight of her big sister, she stopped dead.
“What are you doing here?”
“I live here,” deadpanned BonBon. “Are you done playing?”
“N-no. I just… I was just…”
“This is your fourth potty break, Minolta! Make it quick!” Dandy’s slightly agitated voice echoed from the living room. Minolta looked at her socks.
“I… “
“Lyra is in there.”
“Okay… I...it's not that urgent! Bye!”
And so Minolta was gone.
BonBon looked after her, and then she went out into the kitchen. There was nothing in the sink, but in the dishwasher she found what she was looking for. A spoon. She also checked the recycling cupboard. All the cardboard crates that minolta saved for dollhouses were still there. No...at closer inspection, one was missing. Hmmm. And the spoon. Then there was a sharp knock, and a muffled cry from the bathroom.
“BonBon! I need help!”
“What is it?”
“Um… eh...well…”
Now BonBon was getting annoyed. “Come on Lyra, out with it!”
“I can't go out! I'm not done yet!”
“I didn't mean that literally!”
“Good, because it didn't help!”
“Lyra, you...just what is the problem?”
“I had to do number 2…”
“And? You didn't get in there on time?”
“Ew! Gross! No! I’m out of paper!”
Out of paper. Hmmm… BonBon stood and thought in silence again.
“Hello! Help!”
“Oh! Uhm… There's a cabinet to your right. Second shelf.”
“Thanks!”
“And wash your hands!”
Moments later, Lyra stood next to her. Her hands smelled of ginger soap.
“How much did you use?”
“Enough. So. Are we done? I really wanna go and play video games, even if your sister is hogging the living room.”
“We're getting close,” stated BonBon, “But not yet.”
Lyra frowned, and BonBon couldn't help wanting to tease her friend a bit. “Besiiiides, we need to make sure about one thing.”
“What?” asked Lyra.
“We need to make sure that you and I didn't take the trifle.”
“Oh.” Silence. “Did you?”
“No. I told you before...”
“Phew! That was close. But what about me?”
“What about you?”
“Perhaps I was the one who stole it!” Lyra gasped. “Oh no! Maybe I am a master thief without knowing it! I have to make sure I didn't take it and hide it in the bushes!”
And off she went, without even closing the front door proper. It stood there, slightly ajar, moving to and fro in the wind. BonBon sighed and went to close it.
“Second note to self. Lyra just can't take a joke…”
But as she placed her hand on the door to close it, a thought struck her and she froze in position with the door still ajar, resulting in her being pulled out with the door as returned.
“Oops! Sorry BonBon! Heeeey! You're not supposed to go out!”
“I… what?”
“You're grounded! You're not allowed to go outside without adult supervision! I'm gonna tell your mom!”
“I wasn't… it was you that pulled me out!”
“Oh. Does that make me an accomplice?”
“No Lyra. It's just what makes you you. You can tell me this instead: why did you run out?”
“Cause I needed to make sure I didn't steal the quiche!”
“Trifle.”
“Gesundheit.”
“....Lyra… you didn't steal the trifle.”
“How do you know that?”
“Your behavior is sufficient evidence.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means… you don't know what a trifle is, right?”
“No?”
“Then how can you steal something if you don’t know what it is?”
“Oh. Oh yeah… What a pity. I just came up with the perfect alibi as well! Do you want to hear it?”
Bonbon pinched the bridge of her nose. “Maybe later.”
“What's your alibi then?”
“What? ...Lyra, I don't need an alibi!”
“Yeah, but still! What were you doing before I arrived? Hmmm?”
“Lyra… I was doing the dishes and… I was doing… the dishes! YES! The dishes! I think I have it now… Yes! I have it!”
“Good! Where is it?”
“I will explain everything! But first… get everyone into the kitchen!”
It took a few minutes (Mutter was especially bent out of shape), but soon they all sat there spread around the table. They found they had to wait for BonBon, and when she arrived she looked at them in silence, hands behind her back. Finally she spoke.
“I have assembled you all here in the kitchen because it's lunchtime and I want food. But also because I intend to unveil A CRIMINAL!”
The line didn't have the exact effect that BonBon wanted. Mutter looked annoyed, Dandy looked bored and Minolta just...looked. Only Lyra did the proper thing. “No way! WHO!”
“I'm glad you asked… now, as you may or may not know… someone has stolen our dessert! The trifle is GONE!”
THIS time the effect was better. “What?!” “NO!” “Sheisse!” “What's a Trifle?”
“It’s like a cake, Uncle Dandy,” said BonBon. “Point is, it was our treat and it is gone due to foul play! Our precious dessert was stolen. And the obvious conclusion is that it's hidden somewhere in this house! And none of you has an alibi!”
“None of us? But…No!”
“Zat is impossible Bonchen! I was in ze basement ze whole time! I locked ze door behind me!”
“Ah!” said BonBon. “That is what you say! BUT you were up here! Once! You went to… the bathroom!”
All eyes were on Fransbrötchen, who blushed.
“Well ja, but it IS my bathroom. Anyvay, how did jo know?”
“Because I heard the pipes flush. I also noticed that when Lyra had to go, the paper was used up. The only one in this house who empties the roll and fails to replace it… is you, Mutter!”
“Bonchen! I do not…”
“She’s got you there, Fransie dear.”
“Yes Mutter. You always forget.”
Fransbrötchen blushed again, this time shame mixed with anger. “Alright! So I was up here! But ze whole trifle is gone? How would I have arranged zat? Ze stairs to ze basement is too steep! Only a fool would carry a big bowl of trifle down zhere!”
Fransbrötchen put on her sunglasses in a ‘told you' gesture. The atmosphere was thick. But Special Agent Sweetie Drops was not thrown off. She glared over the rim of her own sunglasses with a ‘not so fast’ look.
“Yes. The stairs are too steep. But… we do have a food elevator. That goes from the kitchen and to the second floor… but also to… the basement!”
“But Bonnie, “said Minolta, “you know it makes so much noise! That was how Mother found you out when you tried to smuggle cookies last Hearth's Warming!”
BonBon smiled. “I am glad you mentioned this, Minolta. And it is true, the elevator does make a lot of noise…. Usually! But when I examined it… I found that someone had oiled it! It now runs silent as a cat! And since neither I nor Minolta are allowed to use the toolbox… Got anything to say, MUTTER?”
Fransbrötchen stood up. “Alright! Alright! It was I that oiled ze elevator so i could sneak down snacks when Engelchen wasn't looking! ...But I swear I did not steal the trifle!”
“I know!”
“What?”
Four heads snapped towards BonBon.
“I just explained HOW you could have done it. But before I came in here I sneaked down and examined your office. No traces of crumbs. No spoon. No cream, no napkins in the bin, and especially, no bowl. So I know that you didn't take it.”
“BONCHEN! JO ARE NOT ALLOWED TO ENTER MEIN OFFI…”
“When a crime is committed, Mutter, the law stands above integrity and house rules. Now for you… Minolta…”
Minolta was silent, but she clutched Mr. Mister closer.
“You said you were playing Monopoly the whole time,” stated BonBon. “However! “
“Don't scare jor sister, Bonchen!”
“However”, Bonbon proceeded in a much calmer voice, “you did tell Dandy you had to pee at least three times… but the pipes never flushed, and also there was no paper.. This suggests… you sneaked into the kitchen and ATE the whole trifle! Because when I examined the kitchen… I found THIS!”
BonBon produced a dirty spoon from her vest.
“This one lay in the dishwasher. It was not there before. I know, because I did the dishes. Again...and when I tasted it… there are hints of cream… and dough… and strawberry jam…”
“Alright! Alright! I did it!” wailed Minolta.
“No you didn't.”
“Yes I d… didn't I?”
“No. Because this… is ice cream. You're not tall enough to reach the top shelf of the refrigerator. But you CAN reach into the freezer, take a spoonful of that special strawberry cookie dough ice cream mother makes and get out. And that's what you did. But you didn't steal the trifle. Now Dandy…”
“Come on! I haven't even been in the kitchen today. Well, except now. And I don't even know what a trifle is!”
“Yes you do, you grew up with chefs. But that doesn’t matter, because you’re innocent.”
Dandy fiddled with his moustache. “Oh. Well, yeah, I just called everything ‘cake’. And YEAH!”
“But,” cried Lyra, “that means we have no more suspects! Well, unless you mean that I took it in spite of what you said! And I HAVE an alibi! I was…”
“NO you didn't, Lyra.” BonBon interrupted. “However, you are wrong. There is another suspect!”
“WHAT? WHO?” Four voices uttered the same exclamation.
“Ah. Well. Recently, Lyra ran out of the house without closing the door properly. It was slightly ajar. And it struck me that I had found that door exactly like that earlier today. And if you were to hide a bowl, why use a crate…? Unless you were taking it outside, making sure it wouldn't be destroyed in the wind!”
“But Bonnie,” sputtered Lyra, “you said the obvious conclusion was that the trifle was in the house!”
“The obvious conclusion,” sad BonBon triumphantly, “Is not necessarily the truth."
"Also," Mutter added, "Why use a crate even? Plastic wrap is much easier!"
BonBon smiled, "I agree completely, Mutter. And that is why the use of the crate is so significant! The plastic wrap is in the bottom drawer, the row furthest from the refrigerator. You have to be quite a hurry, when it's quicker to take a crate from the recycle bin... And with that fact added to the others..." BonBon made a significant pause, adjusted her glasses and smiled a teethy smile ,"There is only one possible culprit. It's the same person that just this morning received a call that one of the guests was allergic to nuts and that another dessert was needed. A person who we thought left at nine….BUT found she had to solve the problem fast, and so she ran back inside, grabbed a crate, lifted the trifle inside and ran to work! And all this done while I was out of the kitchen just a few minutes! Our mother, your wife, your sister, your…hmmm...”
“My BBBFITWWW’s mother!”
“Yes, that works. Owner of Ocean by Grandeur and the only one with routine and speed enough to not leave any traces! Alsesta Gr…”
At that very moment the front door opened, and a very red faced Alsesta Grandeur entered, carrying a crate.
“Stupid incapable… I am surrounded by imbeciles… You can't guess how my day has been! They couldn't even make an impromptu cake and thus forced me to take the trifle I made for you and give to a guest! Luckily, they were late so I managed to make a new one for you. ...Well, two actually...the first one was garbage. I hope you didn't… why is everybody staring at me?”
One hour, one shepherd's pie and TWO trifles later, BonBon and Lyra and Minolta lay outside on the balcony, enjoying the beautiful day and letting their food digest. Uncle Dandy was snoring next to them on the beanbag. Only their parents stayed inside, probably doing some kissing. Gross. But that's adults for you.
“Well BonBon... Case closed. And delicious trifle.”
“Thanks Lyra.” They were silent for a while, then Lyra frowned.
“Bonnie??”
“Yes?"
"If a catburglar doesn't steal cats...."
"Yes?"
"...then what does a cakeburglar steal?" BonBon stared at her friend, sighed and gave her the biggest smile she could.
“Lyra…”
“Yes, Bonnie?”
“You're the Best.” The two BBBFITWWW's smiled at each other.
“Bonnie?”
“Yes Minolta?”
“You know… That was so awesome how you figured it all out. And with mutter and Dandy… I have no idea how you solved it. You are so smart, sis!”
“Why, thank you, Minolta!”
“Yeah! And now I can tell my friends that my sister is a special agent! You know, I was sure you made all that stuff up that you were telling me at night…”
“....mmmm…” BonBon turned bright red and turned away from Minolta.
“But now I know! You really are special agent Sweetie Drops! And you CAN do everything!”
BonBon opened her mouth to say something, but Lyra shook her head. And when she thought about it, Lyra was right. She really had done it. She had solved the case, and while it it wasn't exactly a criminal that had done it… it counted. Yes. This was just the first case for special agent Sweetie Drops.
The first of many.
Author's Note
I wanted to write something I could actually show my kids.
I regret nothing!
