One Punch Maud

by Hopeful_Ink_Hoof

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Maud Pie, Crossover, Anthro, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2317

A mad scientist decides to attack Ponyville while The Elements are away. So it's up to Maud Pie to stop him. How boring.

With The Mane Six out of town, Maud has been asked by her sister to look after things. So when a mad scientist makes his way toward Ponyville, it's up to her to try and stop him. One way or another.

Maud is not very excited about it.

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Published 2019-04-03 14:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-03 14:20:02 UTC

March Of The Golem Army!

Today was the day. The biggest day in Cracked Pot's life and career. He had been called many things over the years: foolish, insane, fraud. His work, his ideas, had been called a waste of bits and pointless. Now, he would show them: the college that had thrown him out; the ponies that refused to invest; the ones that withdrew their funding; even the princesses who had refused to even see him, much less hear what he was working on.

He would show them all.

They would all pay.

Now, Cracked Pot had done it. Standing before him was an army of golems. Creatures carved of stone and animated with magic, with numerous spells engraved across their exterior. Most of them stood eight feet tall, carved in the rough shape of an anthropomorphic pony. All of them stood straight and still, awaiting for commands.

Then there was his masterpiece. The special one. One he had put more work in than the others as he was the leader.

The Commander. Standing ten feet tall with magically augmented armor plating that would put even The Canterlot Royal Guard to shame, The Commander was made to look like a minotaur, and carried a six foot long club that was currently resting on its shoulders.

Now they were ready, and he could enact his plan.

First, they would make their way to Ponyville. There, they could defeat Princess Twilight Sparkle and her allies. Not only would it show how powerful and capable his golem army is, but with their defeat, the rest of Equestria would surely be an easy matter. Plus, it would mean that not only could he get more stones to grow his army, but could also incorporate the magic crystals which made Twilight's castle into them as well. He would have to study a piece, of course, but the upgrade possibilities were numerous. He might even tried to build a new, specialized golem solely from the crystals.

From there, they would make their way toward Canterlot, the army growing as it went. There, he would show his work to the princesses, and demonstrate their power by taking down the entire Royal Guard. With them defeated, he would easily be able to take the financing he needed, both from the royal coffers, and from any and all nobles who lived in the city. And not only would he have such funding, but more stone in the city and the mountain it was built upon, plus the crystals in the mines underneath as well. There would also be armor smiths to build further upgrades.

Perhaps he could even move past worked stone and start experiment with metal constructs.

Regardless of that, his army would grow, and his march would continue on until reaching The Crystal Empire. An entire city made of stone and magic crystal, protected by a single Princess and a magic heart. With something a powerful as that, who knows what kind of advancements he could make.

Then, it would all be his. The entirety of Equestria, now guarded by his golems, able to stop any threat inside or out. He would show all what he could do. How he was right. He would be King. Emperor!

God-King Cracked Pot, Master of The Immortal Stone Army!

Had a nice ring to it.

With a flicker of magic from his horn and an uttered command, the army of stone golems began their march. It was slower than he would of liked, and he made a mental note to try and improve that later on. Still, they continued to walk, making their way out of the improvised building and along the sloped ground of the quarry that he had "borrowed" after the owner "disappeared," after refusing him. Admittedly, was not to his liking to do such a thing himself, but necessary. Omelettes, eggs and all that.

The army of automatons marched from the barren wasteland that they had been made in, across fields and around lakes, coming upon the hills where Ponyville resided. If Cracked had calculated everything right (and he always did), they would reach the town before noon, and have it all conquered and under his control just in time for dinner.

Then he would sleep in a castle. Perhaps in the company of a mare. Or two.

Speaking of mares, one was now approaching them. She was making her way down the hill, heading directly toward them. She started off as a distant silhouette, a black shape against the green of the grass. As she approached, Cracked Pot wondered for a moment if he had been out of touch too long. That he was actually looking at a construct like his own golems, but with far more intricate carving until it looked like a shapely earth pony mare. It was only when he noticed the hint of purple in her hair and blue in the coat that both looked very close to gray did he realize she was in fact alive.

"Excuse me," she said. "Are you on your way to invade Ponyville?"

Cracked Pot climbed off of the shoulder he was sitting on and stepped forward. It was then he noticed that the new arrival was taller than him, the top of his head coming up to her chin. Still, he looked her in the eyes, straightening up as much as he could and glaring.

"And if I am?"

"My name is Maud Pie," she said. "Princess Twilight and her friends are currently out of town, due to matters elsewhere, and my sister has asked me to help protect the place until they get back. As such, I am asking if you would please wait until they return as I really do not have an interest in fighting." She turned to look at the golems. "Especially against creatures made of rock, and such poorly designed ones at that."

Poorly designed? Poorly designed? This strange mare had the nerve to call his wondrous and amazing golems "poorly designed?" What did she know? She was an earth pony, which meant she knew nothing about magic working. And with a name like "Pie," she was probably a baker. So what could she possibly know about rocks?

He would show her.

Magic flickered around Cracked's horn as he made a motion with his hand.

The Commander stepped forward, pulled back its club and swing. The massive head slammed into the annoying mare, hitting with enough force not only to knock her off her feet, but sending her flying up into the air. She became a silhouette once more before disappearing somewhere behind the hill.

Now that he had done so, Cracked regretted it. He should have sent her back to Ponyville, injured but alive, to warn them about his approach. Then there would have been an interesting fight since the heroes were absent. Or he could have used her as a hostage. Have her tied to the front of The Commander, on display for all to see. To have some surrender than dare to hurt her.

Well, too late now.

Although maybe they could retrieve the body, carry it before them like a banner. A warning of what will happen to others who dare to defy him.

If they happened to find the body, and it was sufficiently recognizable, he would consider the possibility.

As they reached the top of the hill, he could not believe his eyes.

Not only did they find her, but she was alive. She was walking up the hill, coming toward them again. Not even limping or holding her side. The only sign that anything had even happened to her was that her dress had torn on one side, showing off a shoulder.

"That was unpleasant," she stated. "Please don't do that again."

Fresh annoyance flooded Cracked Pot. That mare should not be alive, and her standing there was in direct defiance to his plan. An insult to the power of his mighty army.

Horn lighting up again, he pointed a finger at Maud.

"Commander! Pound her into the ground!"

The Commander stepped forward, gripped the base of the club with both hands, raised it as high up as it could manage, then brought it down with the all the force that it could manage, aiming for the top of Maud's head. The club let out a loud bang as it landed, sending a gust of wind in every direction. A crater formed from the impact, the bottom of it nearly a foot deep.

Maud stood in the middle, one hand raised up to catch the club in her palm. Her hair was falling back into its normal position as the wind faded away, but otherwise, she seemed unaffected. She did not even seem that interested in what happened, a calm, bored expression on her face.

Cracked Pots could only stand there, eyes wide in shock, trying to process what he just saw.

How was this possible?

Pushing the club aside, Maud walked forward. She easily made her way out of the crater, moving closer to the armor covered golem. As she did, her gaze moved from the base of its legs, up its body to its head, then down to its mid-section. Unnoticeable to any but those that knew her extremely well, Maud's eyes narrowed and lips pressed thin, just a fraction of an inch.

Maud then spread her feet apart to shoulder-width, lifted one hand in a fist, pulled it back as far as she could managed, then punched The Commander right the abdomen. There was a groan of metal as it tore open, peeling away from the stone and crumpling from the impact. The stone itself became so many chunks, not just separating at the seams, but shattering apart.

The armor fell to the ground, an empty shell left behind.

The stones flew through the air, a series of black spots that shrank away to nothingness.

The club fell to the ground.

With a sigh, Maud dropped her fist to her side. Her bored gaze drifted from where The Commander had been standing to where Cracked Pot still stood.

"Now would be a good time to reconsider and retreat," she suggested.

As Cracked Pot stood there, staring in wide eyed disbelief at what remained of his creation. His greatest creation. He had put so much time, effort, and magic into it: picking out the best stones; shaping them into the proper form; etching the spell symbols across the surface; pouring magic into them; and then making the armor and building it around the form. It had been so much work, and now it was gone. The stone was who knew where, most likely a pile of rubble. The armor was lying on the ground, like the molted skin of an insect.

How was this possible?

From behind him, he heard the sound of dozens of stone legs moving.

After a second, he realized three things: first, that he had not given the golems any orders; second, that they were moving far quicker than he thought possible; and third, they sounded like they were moving away from where he was standing.

Turning around, Cracked Pot found that the golems were running away. Actually running. Far faster than he thought they should have been capable of.

Looking from them to the strange mare and back, he decided it was best to follow after them. Still, he felt he should say something.

"You haven't seen the last of me!" he shouted as he ran after his retreating army.

From her spot, Maud Pie watched them go. Although, she was not really paying attention to them. Maud was no fighter, and she never had an interest in being some sort of hero to Equestria (although, to be fair, neither had her sister, Pinkie or any of Pinkie's friends), but she took a certain amount of pride in everything she did. Whether it was her geology studies, her poetry, or her stand-up routine, Maud put her whole heart and mind into it. So while she was not truly interested in watching over Ponyville when Pinkie asked (and asked, and pleaded, and gave her those big, blue, sad eyes until Maud finally gave in), since she had agreed, she had decided that she would do it with just as much passion, determination, and attention as she gave everything else.

As such, she found herself feeling extremely disappointed.

Maud was grateful that the stallion had changed his mind and retreated, but at the same time, she had been looking forward to trying herself out in a fight. To see how well she could handle and intruder, or an intruding army in this case.

But it turned out, the biggest and toughest-seeming opponent had been no challenge at all. With just one punch, the armor had crumpled like paper, and the stone had come apart at nearly every fracture point. A part of it was her own fault. She had spent most of her life around rocks, and had been forced to shatter quite a few by her bare hands over the years. It been nearly instinct to notice the points even through the armor and strike one of them. Perhaps if she had not aimed so well, it would have been a bit more entertaining, but that would also mean she was not trying as hard as she should.

With a sigh, Maud moved to grab the armor and club. Princess Twilight would probably like to look over them, see what she can learn. If not, the metal could be sold to a blacksmith and be recycled, and there was a young pegasus that was learning to be a sculptor who could get use out of the stone.

Turning from the fleeing unicorn and golems, Maud Pie made her way back to Ponyville.

Maybe the next threat would be more of a challenge.