Author's Note

This chapter was a lot easier to write after I started the rewrites. A lot of what happened was a conflict of where I wanted to go with the story as opposed to how my happy fingers took them. So, two chapters, two rewrites (this one included).

This was originally going to be Lucifer and Rachnee walking along the road to investigate a possible Diamond Dog attack on a train station. As they went, Lucifer would tell the tale of the battle between the Minotaurs and the Ponies five hundred years ago. I've still got that chapter written, though unfinished. I think I will publish it as bonus content at the end of the story, as it is canon to this AU. I might even publish it as a side story.

But, alas, you get this chapter instead.

Enjoy!

7. Don't Adventures Start with Killing a Rat?

Edited byTuxOKC.

Rachnera Arachnera was given a spare room in the inn. At the insistence of the minotaurs (who was going to argue with Lucifer?), she was given freedom on the condition either Lucifer or Bria escort her. Lord Sunrise Shimmer was conspicuously absent after his ill-conceived attempt at ordering the Arachne to do something she couldn’t even understand to do because of the language barrier. Winter Shimmer was put out with both Rachnera and her husband, as both had handled the situation, in her opinion, poorly. The villagers seemed to take everything in wry amusement, mixed with trepidation and curiosity.

There was still fear, but it appeared so long as Lucifer tolerated Rachnera’s presence, then perhaps she wasn’t that horrible a monster after all. Foals were still told to keep their distance. Eventually the meeting of ponies in the inn with their unwrapped lord and flummoxed lady ended, with Rachnera hearing some rather disturbing revelations through the interesting pendant that allowed her to understand the horse words.

Three foals were missing. They had been missing for the past three days, all taken in the same night from their beds while they slept. Parents pleaded with their lord and lady for any news, for it was believed the Diamond Dogs had taken their children. The accused had a history, Rachnera discovered, of taking members of other species and enslaving them. Lord Sunrise Shimmer argued (in a patient tone he had not tried with Rachnera) the colony of dogs in question had never had a history of possessing slaves.

The dogs were traditionally miners and had once worked with the ponies of the region five hundred years ago, before The War had sundered the land and broken the ties between pony and dog. The friendship between the two had been forgotten. The Diamond Dogs became reclusive and over the centuries participated in very limited trading with the ponies of Shimmering.

The old ponies, the oldest of the farmers, uttered one word to sum up the calamity.

It was an old unicorn mare who cried out the word when her Lord and Lady did not or would not acknowledge the whispering. There was a distinct familial resemblance between her and Winter Shimmer. She walked on wobbly, knobby legs. Her mane was done up in a bun and a shawl was draped over her withers and shoulders. Despite her age, she held herself with grace and sureness.

“Changelings!” she wheezed, her voice shrill and cracked with age. “Changelings, I tells ye, Milord! Mark me words if’n the Fae ain’t marked us fer their sport! They snatch our foals, pits them dogs agin us. T’is changelings, mark ye! They takes our love and gives us spite in return, they do!”

“Fairy tales!” Lord Sunrise Shimmer responded with a roll of his eyes and a placating smile, “My good mare, surely you know better than to think a foal’s story is responsible for this. I’ll warrant there are rogues in the woods, bandits and slavers who are using the conflict between us and our canine neighbors to do their wickedness. I assure you, my dear,” he then raised his voice over the chatter, standing tall and proud, “and I promise all of you, my ponies, I will find those responsible and bring them to justice, so help me Celestia!”

The ragged response was less than enthusiastic.

“Beggin’ yer pardon Milord, but where’s the proof?” called out another villager, a stallion. “Me daughter is gone missing and I’ve heard nothin’ Milord. Beggin’ yer pardon, yer worship, but me foal is me life. Me third herd wife, Sweet Pot, she won’t leave me daughter’s room. Me little Flower, she’s gone! Flower Pot is only three years old. Please, Milord, please for me wife and me daughter, please I beg ye to bring her home.” He had shoved his way to the front of the crowd, and they made way for him, friends and neighbors patting him on the withers.

Rachnera saw a ragged father with bags under his sorrowful eyes. She nearly took off the pendant. Her fingers hovered over it, ears perked, not wanting to listen, and finding herself unable to do anything else but.

“Proof? Things must be done in a certain way. Investigations take time, even if it is of the essence,” Sunrise told the heartbroken stallion. “We can only move as quickly as the evidence allows us. I have had the guards scouring any and everything that might give us a lead. I am certain there are bandits in the woods, in the city ruins. I will personally lead an expedition. I assure you, my good stallion, no stone will go unturned. I will find the foals and I will bring them home. I promise you, they will be found.”

“What aboot the spider?” asked another earth pony, a mare. “She can get the Fae! She kin eat them out and keep the vermin from invadin’ our plots!”

Dozens of eyes went to Rachnera, who was in the middle of sipping from her cup. Not one for attention (unless she was looking for it), she took the sudden interest of her presence in stride. Why in the world would she want to eat a sapient being? She hoped the plots being spoken about were those that grew vegetables.

“I don’t think I—” she began, only to be interrupted. Fae? They have Fae here? In what form? Rachnera’s knowledge of Fae was sparse, little more than the basics. A changeling was believed to be a fairy child that had been left in place of a human child stolen by the fairies. There were other tales from Europe concerning fairies. But were fairies and these Fae the same or were they different?

“Absolutely not!” Sunrise thundered. “There are no Fae! There are bandits in the ruins and I intend to root them out! I will be setting out first light tomorrow morning with the entirety of the guard to ensure a swift victory!” His voice lowered to a more civil tone, “Besides, she’s a civilian and possibly a public nuisance!”

Winter Shimmer, who had taken a back seat while her husband dealt with the crowd, moved forward and leaned towards him, whispering in his ear. She was very stern. The unicorn stallion listened, as she was not giving him an option.

“Public nuisance?” Rachnera parroted to herself. “I prefer being a private nuisance, thank you very much.” Raising her voice, she tutted, “Still upset over our most regrettable misunderstanding? I thought you might enjoy the foreplay, cultural exchange and all that.”

Sunrise sputtered, Winter stared in horror, Lucifer drained the remnants of his drink, Bria froze in her seat, and the rest of the ponies became very confused. Chaos ensued as the man bull began roaring with laughter. His wife slapped him on the shoulder.

“Drinks are on the house!” Bria yelled as she stormed from the table. A lingering look at the Arachne came with a quick smirk. A cheer went up in the room, the declaration raising spirits considerably. “Husband,” her tone spoke volumes.

Lucifer rose, grumbling, and went to tend to his sudden customers. “Stay at the table and stop antagonizing the lord of the land,” he said to Rachnera.

“Eh,” she replied with a shrug, “I’ll think about it.” Her thoughts were still touching on the subject of Fae and changelings. As a liminal, she knew how much her own kind and other liminals had fashioned human legends and myths. Not being human, this gave her a different point of view.

“What about the Diamond Dogs the spider captured?” soared another question above the din of the crowd. “Lord Shimmer, what of them?” The crowd quieted with reluctance. The speaker was a mare, a unicorn.

Sunrise Shimmer spied her out. “They are to be released. A token of goodwill towards the colony.” He rolled a hoof for emphasis, as if to push the subject along and out of the way as quickly as possible. “There’s no need to push further animosity between our village and the Diamond Dogs.”

That’s pretty stupid, Rachnera thought as she considered the lord of the land to be a weak fool. Cupping her chin in her palms, she rested her elbows on the table and pony watched. A small smile perched on her features. Every now and again, she caught a view of the little ones, the foals as they darted around the legs of the adults. She thought of Random. There was a flash of light orange fur and red mane, but the there were too many ponies milling around to be certain.

“Beggin’ yer pardon, yer ladyship.” Rachnera was jarred from her thoughts. It was the old mare who had spoken of changelings. “Blessin’ upon ye and thankee.” She smiled, revealing many gaps in her teeth. “Biggest spider I ever seen, ye are. Pretty, too, methinks. The skull on yer backend, if’n ye don’t mind, t’is terrifyin’ ‘n loverly, it is. White agin the black, so pretty.”

Lucifer appeared, a black shadow among a colorful palette of pastel ponies. “Peggy!” he greeted her, his beard swaying with his movements. “How are you doing, old nag?”

She guffawed, “Still alive. Got me ale?”

A tankard larger than her head was placed on the table. “Sit your old bones, Peggy. Still going on about changelings?”

With effort, she managed to sit on a stool and scooted closer to the table (with a helping hand from Lucifer). Smacking her lips in anticipation, she took the tankard with both hooves and took a deep pull. Once done, the tankard was returned to the table and she let out an enormous belch. “The Fae are real, ye shite-filled bull,” she gave him the stinkeye. “Me hubby, me Treeminder, ye remember his stories?”

“Treeminder told the best stories,” Lucifer agreed as he pulled up a seat.

“He could spin a yarn, he could, and I loved ‘im fer it,” Peggy sighed, her eyes bleary shifting from the bull to the Arachne and back again.

Rachnera shifted her bulk to make herself more comfortable. “Changelings? Fae? They are something in my world, but I do not know if they are like the ones you have here.”

“Do it matter?” Peggy took another drink. “They take ‘n give nuthin’ back. I suppose it do matter. Yer a nice spider. Spiders are a blessin’ tae us poor farmers, they is. Ye kin make ‘em run. Changelings, they don’t like spiders. They know. Ye know.”

An eyebrow quirked as the Arachne regarded this blunt old mare. “How would I know?” she asked.

Peggy glared, “Ye be foolin’ with me head? Harmony will guide ye, if’n ye listen to yer heart, girl. Celestia preserve ye, give faith to yerself ‘n the magic’ll flow inta ye ‘an ye kin find yer purpose. Harmony will guide ye, mark me words.” A sage nod was added for emphasis.

“Harmony? I am a stranger in this country. Do you mind explaining to me what Harmony is?”

Winter Shimmer joined them, a glass of wine in her telekinetic grip. “Hello, mother. Are you bothering our guest?”

“I am,” Peggy replied as she accepted a nuzzle from the younger mare. “She’s interested in the botherin’.”

Turning to the Arachne, she said, “It would take too long to explain, given the current circumstances. Let me sum it up; Harmony is the magic within the land of Equestria itself. It touches all within it one way or another and has always been a part of our culture. It’s broken into six elements: Laughter, Kindness, Generosity, Honesty, Loyalty, and Magic.” Winter took a deep breath, measuring the liminal with what was becoming her normal, piercing stare.

“I see,” Rachnera observed. This was so confusing!

“By the way, my husband is not happy with you,” Winter reminded the Arachne.

“You don’t say?” Rachnera spread her hands helplessly, “He shouldn’t have come at me like that. It was a survival reflex. He’s lucky I didn’t bite him. My bite paralyzes.”

Winter’s eyes widened. “Bite?”

Peggy laughed without humor, “Ye don’t fook wit spiders. It’s bad luck tae do harm to one, it is!”

“Mother!”

“Wot? He’s got brains, but nae common sense. All that ‘nobility’ and he don’t want tae listen to us common folk. Fer years ‘is family jus’ sittin’ up on yon mountain, kissin’ the Princess’ perfect arse,” her voice trailed off as she grumbled into her ale.

Lucifer let out an impressed whistle, giving a nod to Rachnera.“So you don’t just look like a spider, but you can do almost anything a spider can.”

“~I spin a web any size~,” sang the liminal without thinking, “~binding housemates just like flies~.” Her eyes went wide as she clamped her hands over her mouth. Where did that come from? Rachnera began laughing behind her hands, all six eyes having become wide saucers.

“You’ve...you’ve never been touched by Harmony before, have you?” Winter queried, her brows raised. She had been staring at her mother.

Still covering her mouth, Rachnera stared wide-eyed at Winter. She shook her head.

“My first time was worse,” Lucifer commented, scratching the back of his head. “Went and did a whole song and dance about how I had found the perfect place to start a family. It was embarrassing.”

“My son, Random takes the belief of Harmony a bit too seriously,” Winter added with a smile.“He strongly believes all strangers are just friends he hasn’t met. He’s so into the teachings of the Princess. A devout little colt. He ends up doing questionable things. Drives my husband and I up the wall. Last night was a good example. No doubt he saw you and thought you needed a friend, so he decided to become yours.”

“You’re kidding,” Rachnera blinked, lowering her hands.

Peggy smiled at the mention of the colt’s name. “That boy is sunshine come tae life.”

“He’s naive,” Winter said with a sigh, “and devoutly so. I am grateful you did not harm him.”

The Arachne huffed and steepled her fingers on the table. “I would never hurt a child.”

“Spiders do no harm,” Peggy declared. “Poor Golden Tater and his wives.”

“Golden Tater?” Rachnera asked.

“He was the stallion that asked my husband about his filly,” Winter replied, her expression somber. “Flower Pot is the youngest foal in his herd.”

“Ah. I’m sorry if this is a silly question, but what do you farm around here? I only see trees and hills.”

“Rocks. There are also a few vineyards. Wine is the village’s major export,” Winter supplied helpfully.

The Arachne assumed a blank stare. Rocks? “When you say rocks, do you mean there’s a quarry nearby?”

“No, rock farming is a viable industry.” Winter tilted her head to one side.

This was all going over Rachnera’s head. Lucifer rolled his eyes, “Don’t bother asking. I had it explained to me several times and I still don’t get it.”

“Rock growin’ makes gems grow. Not hard tae know,” Peggy said in a matter-in-fact tone.

The minotaur waved a hand at her. “See what I mean?”

“Changelins ruin families,” Peggy said as she scratched at an itch on her barrel. “Golden Tater and his mares are good folk. Down to earth, they is. They didn’t deserve none of this. Others are gettin’ spooked, but they’re thinkin’ it’s the dogs. I’m tellin’ ye, it ain’t no dogs doin’ the stealin’ of the foals.” She glared at Winter.

“Mother, please,” the unicorn sighed and rolled her eyes. “Changelings don’t exist.”

“Prove it, missy. There’s a lot o’ magic and magic things forgotten or ignored.”

Winter shook her head.

“Miss Spider,” Peggy blinked owlishly as she shifted in her seat, “I’m tellin’ ye, changelins. Fae beasties. They’ve got blue eyes glowin’ like ice. Legs gnarled and twisted from the hunger. Horns like twisted daggers. Wings like a death shroud. They take what they steal and give it tae their queen. Us older ponies, we know. Our dams and sires, they heard from their dams and sires, and so on and so on. We know the land. We listen tae the earth. They been here, long before the battle, before the killin’, before the forest grew through the bones o’ the dead. They hide where ponies fear tae go. They watch, they wait, they take and replace us.”

“Mother, that’s enough. Why don’t you go and spend some time with Random?”

“Winter,” Peggy gave her daughter a piercing gaze, “keep the foals with Miss Spider. Changlins fear spiders. Spiders kin sense them.”

“Out of the question, Mother!”

“I’m not magical,” Rachnera shook her head. She had been mesmerized by the old mare’s ranting. “I’m also no babysitter. I want to go home and be as little trouble as possible to you ponies. I don’t want to cause any more trouble than I already have.” It was probably too late by this point, considering the glowering glares Sunrise Shimmer would on occasion throw her way as he spoke with his ponies.

The old mare shook her head, “Ye won’t be able tae go home until ye get them.” To her daughter she said, “the foals will be safe with Miss Spider."

“I said out of the question!” Winter growled with urgency. “You need to stop this talk about changelings. Fairy tales and myths do not belong in the here and now!”

Peggy recoiled from her daughter, hurt by her words. “I ‘member when me child was innocent-like, I do.”

“Lady Winter,” Lucifer began.

“No!” Winter snapped, stomping a hoof. “This hysteria is getting out of hoof! Those stories you told me as a filly, mother, to get me to behave, they don’t work. This is the real world! This is a real crisis! I went to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and I would have learned about such monsters during my studies! If there was anything that dangerous in Equestria, then Princess Celestia would have known and done something about it.”

The minotaur pointed at Rachnera. “What about her?”

“Celestia damn it, Lucifer, don’t you fucking start,” she grated in exasperation. He put up his hands in surrender, grimacing to hide his grand amusement. “I don’t need your smartass shit, you old fucking bull.”

“Mine yer tongue, filly!” Peggy snapped.

“Responsibility is a stressful thing, isn’t it?” Rachnera observed as she brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. “I wouldn’t want to impose and I would not know what to do with...foals. I also don’t think Mr. Shimmer,” —she gave a flippant wave to the lord of the land—”would approve.”

“Mares decide,” Peggy harrumphed, then pulled on her tankard, She smacked her lips and set her drink down with authority. “Ye be unlearnt of our ways, Miss Spider. Mares are decidin’ in matters concernin’ foals. We girls have the final say.” She gave the stinkeye to a certain stallion in the depths of an inebriated discussion with his fellow stallions. “Even if we got some Canterlot noble marryin’ me one ‘n only daughter, who was s’pposed tae be schoolin’, comin’ to reclaim ‘is family home an’ bring us back into Equestria’s ever-lovin’ bosom, us marefolk have the final say.” Her expression dared Winter to argue, while taking a deep swig of her drink.

Winter sighed. She then seemed to remember something of grave importance, giving her mother a sudden, wild stare, “Mother, if you’re here, where is Random?”

The old mare waved her off. “The colt’s fine, me disr’spectful child. I let him out o’ his room so he could play with his friends.”

Grinding her teeth, the unicorn grated, “He’s supposed to be grounded, Mother!” An eye was twitching madly.

“Fer what? Makin’ a friend?” Peggy said as she scratched an ear with a hoof. “Makin’ friends with Miss Spider is a boon!” She gave Winter a pointed look. “A boon! He ain’t grounded no way no how! Winter, I taught you better than that! T’ain’t right tae ground a colt for makin’ friends with a spider. Nope, nossir, not under my roof, missy!”

“Mother, Random used an illegal and immoral spell on Miss Arachne!” Winter protested, her voice raising several octaves.

“Indoor voice!” Peggy snapped. Her scowling daughter managed to look sheepish under her mother’s glowering eyes. While maintaining her visual hold on her daughter, she waved a hoof at Rachnera, who in turn had both hands covering her mouth to keep her laughter from bursting over the table. This was too precious to interrupt, but the mention of ‘illegal and immoral spell’ cooled her humorous urges. “Me grandson’s been miserly!”

Winter sighed, “Miserable.”

“Tha’s what I j’us said!”

Rachnera kept her opinion to herself, instead turning to Lucifer, who had been looking at the two mares with a mix of amusement and concern. He seemed to notice her and met her eyes with his. He shrugged and leaned heavily on his elbows towards the Arachne.

“They’ve always been like this,” he supplied helpfully. Lucifer shifted his attention to Peggy, “Old mare, where is Random now?”

She pointed her chin towards the other side of the common room, “Herded o’er with the other foals. Tole him tae stay with ‘em. Too dangerous to sep’rate. ‘Sides,” she huffed, arching a brow at her Winter, “our home is yonder from the town and ye wanted him tae remain grounded an’ unprotected. Ain’t none of yer guards there. They’re all here or muckin’ about, chasin’ what ain’t gonna be found ‘cause it don’t wanna be found.”

“Momma?” came a voice familiar to Rachnera. Then, in a more excited tone, greeted, “Hiya, Miss Arachnera! Are you and Momma friends now?”

Both addressed adults turned and saw Random Shimmer peering up at them with a very large smile. Behind him was a small herd of foals gawking up at the Arachne. There were quite a few milling around, their little hooves thumping against the wooden floor. There was an air of excitement around them, with a bit of worry and fear. Awed chatter danced between them. A hoof pressed against Random’s rump and pushed him forward.

He gave a scowl over his shoulder, “I’ll ask, I’ll ask!” Random cleared his throat and looked up at Rachnera. “Will you play with us?” The hope of a thousand nations seemed to sparkle in his eyes. A sea of nodding heads were the faces of those nations. Large eyes with dewey, hopeful expressions gave weight to his words. Ears were perked forward and little foal tails wagged.

“Random,” Winter rolled her eyes and settled them on her mother. They flicked back to her adoring son transfixed on the spider. “Did your grandmother bring you here?”

“Uh-huh!” he nodded, “Hi grandma!”

The old unicorn mare smiled toothily. “Hello, dearie! Are you behaving?”

“Yes ma’am!”

A single nod came from Peggy as she said, “Good. Have fun with Miss Spider.” She went back to her drink, throwing a wink at Rachnera.

The foals took the old unicorn’s words as permission to swarm over Rachnera, whose expression went from bemused to mild panic. And swarm they did. Three colts were chasing each other, weaving through the Arachne’s spider legs. A filly found one of the pedipalps and was clinging to it while it shook in a half-hearted attempt to dislodge her. Another pair of fillies had claimed the top of the second abdomen and were examining the massive white skull marking with curious pokes with their hooves. The rest just sat on the floor and stared in wonder. Little voices peppered the liminal with dozens of questions all at once.

Winter was making strangled sounds, her eyes bulging at the sight. Lucifer chuckled and waved a hand in the air at his wife. He was mouthing something Rachnera could not hear over the shrieks of delight coming from the little adorable monsters making an easy conquest of her. She made no sudden movements, feeling the eyes of the common room upon her. A small, furry body lept into her harms. She caught it and found Random wrapping her breasts in a hug.

“So soft!” he crooned in innocence. “Best pillows ever!”

Lucifer nearly fell over. “I’m going to help my wife,” he announced, a bit too loudly. The minotaur waded into the sea of ponies, towards the back of the inn.

Winter had gone beet red, her mouth opening, but words failing to form.

Peggy grunted into her tankard. She stared mournfully into its bottom and set it down. “Lu,” she yelled after the bull, “Got a drinkin’ problem!” The empty tankard was tipped towards him. “No drink.”

“Hello, Random,” Rachnera greeted the colt. He nuzzled her. She couldn’t help it. He was that adorable. “I’m going to assume you missed me.”

He nodded into her cheek. “Yep! I’m sorry I used a bad magic spell on you.” Random pulled back, wearing a sorrowful expression. “I only wanted to help.”

“Oh, you silly thing,” Rachnera cooed, scratching him between his ears. “You weren’t trying to hurt me. I forgive you. How could I be angry with a friend like you?” With her other arm, she adjust his body so his hooves weren’t digging into her breasts. Even with the fabric of her sweater, it was uncomfortable, bordering on painful, and there was a chance of bruising. Now, she was not adverse to a little bruising, but a line had to be drawn somewhere and there were certain questions she would rather not have to answer. Judging from some of the odd looks the adult ponies were giving, there was a good chance such queries were beginning to take root.

Lucifer was tossed something from his wife. He caught it deftly and held it up to his face, pointing it at Rachnera and the foals. There was a flash. “That’s going on the wall!”

Sunrise huffed over, an outraged expression on his muzzle. Behind him was a pair of guards.

“Unhoof those foals!” he demanded in a slurred voice.

“Can’t hold yer drink, can ye?” Peggy sneered. “Keep tryin’ tenderhoof!”

“Dearest Mother-in-Law,” Sunrise slurred, swaying on his hooves. His eyes were barely able to focus. “That...th-thing is a public m-menace.” It was clear he was as drunk as, well, a lord.

That didn’t take long, Rachnera observed in her thoughts. The Lord of Shimmering and all the lands around it was a lightweight when it came to the drink.

“Hi Daddy!” Random waved at him.

“Hello, son,” Sunrise greeted his colt with a smile. Then his thundercloud face returned, and with it a touch of curiosity. “F-furtherm-more,” he went on, concentrating, “Furthermore, I...I...sweet Celestia, are those mammaries real?” He thrust his neck forward, turning his head this way and that for a better look. “They do look like pillows, don’t they?”

Winter’s strangled sounds became a jealous growl. Her eyes were glowing red. “Really? In front of your son?” she seethed. Smoke was coming from her ears.

Literally, Rachnera mused with a giggle.

“But dear,” the drunk stallion cried, pointing with his chin, “Our son is right in the middle of all that pillowy softness! I told y-you she was a p-public menace!”

The whole of the inn went silent, save for the sounds of foals unaware of a stallion’s impending doom. Drinks were refilled. Wagers were made. Foals still played with their new spider friend. Lucifer grinned and held up his camera again, aiming it at Rachnera. Random snuggled into her neck and shoulder. Bria was facepalming with one hand and balancing a tray of cups filled with drinks.

Rachnera Arachnera—with carefully hidden and gleeful anticipation—wanted to see a show.

There was a camera flash. “That’s going on the wall, too!” Lucifer announced, his muzzle split by a wide grin.

Suddenly, a voice at the front of the inn cried out breathlessly, “Fire! The Lord’s manor is on fire!”

Sunrise and Winter whirled to face the direction the words came from, their ears perked and eyes round with disbelief.

Rachnera was irritated at the interruption.

“Welp,” Peggy snorted, “that puffed up quick-like.” She blinked, letting the words sink in. “Me house is on fire!” the old mare screeched, scrambling from her seat. “Me house! Me loverly house!”