I felt several vertebrae crack into place as I cast my arms skyward and strained. I know that they say you should get up and move every couple of hours, but... I was distracted. Listen, when you're into a good book, all things- time, hunger, other people trying to talk to you- fade into the background.
And it had been a couple of hours. What nopony would ever tell you was how slow Equestria's train system actually ran. These weren't bullet-trains, you understand. The trip from Ponyville to Canterlot was usually an eight hour voyage. Why they didn't accelerate the whole thing with magic had never really been explained to me. And believe me, I had asked. Twilight usually just rolled her eyes and explained that 'she wasn't a railroad engineer' before saying that the mana was better spent keeping the ride smooth.
I still wasn't sure why I was in Canterlot. I hadn't seen Twilight in a few days. She originally had been summoned by the Princesses for a conference of some kind. So I knew she would be gone awhile, and since all her friends had gone I assumed some large threat or vengeful villain or minor friendship problem had eaten up her week.
I had just begun the day at the Princess' library. The doors had been unlocked, the phonograph set in motion, and the return cart wheeled to my office. I plopped into my chair, custom-retrieved by the Princess from across the mirror, and ran through the logbooks. As I was mindlessly checking ID numbers on returned books and clearing them from the borrower's accounts, a fantastic pop erupted in the room. My desk began violently vibrating, my pupils narrowing as the surface exploded in a flash of purple light.
I, of course, was launched from my chair. My knees caught against edge and I was redirected. The force of my collapse rocked the seat back and I spilled to the floor.
Grumbling, I grasped the edge of the desktop and felt around for the letter. I really hated it when Twilight sent messages like this. I understood that sometimes it was an emergency, but usually it was something banal that she thought that the mailmare would take too long to deliver and when Spike was either with her or was otherwise occupied.
I felt the rolled edge of a crisp scroll scratch against my knuckles. I grasped the letter, settling on the floor and resting my back against the firm wood. The letter, having finally been officially received, stopped its' dastardly glow and stilled. I dried my hand against my pant leg and slipped my nail beneath the seal.
I scanned the page, confused. I couldn't tell you what it said- after all this time, I don't remember the specifics and I would be bereft to misquote Twilight. But I do recall its murkiness. The tone the letter took told me that she would appreciate it if I came to Canterlot. This in and of itself was unusual- typically, I only had to look up a book or something or maybe do some research for her. After that first miserable adventure, we had both learned that I was better off behind a desk than fighting a monster.
Well, if she wanted me to go I would go. After all she had done for me in the years that I had been trapped here... I owed her. I glanced through the door to the lobby beyond. An hour after opening, and nopony was there. I sighed. While the general aversion to the library worked today in my favor, I still felt a tinge of annoyance.
I locked the door and began the trek to Ponyville Station.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Arriving in the bustling city, I suddenly realized that everypony involved had made a gross miscalculation. The Princess had simply asked that I come to Canterlot... not told me where to go in Canterlot. Listen- even in colorful horse land, a capital city is a BIG place. And I wasn't an element bearer- even though I was obviously not a normal pony, I couldn't exactly just wander around the awesome castle. The Princess' may know me, but the rank and file rotation of Royal Guard would only see an intruding monster. It had taken me a a few trips to Canterlot General to learn that brutal lesson.
Shrugging, I picked a random direction and began to plod away from the station. I was already all the way out here- I might as well make a vacation of it. If I found Twilight, cool! If not, I made an effort. Whatever she had wanted me to see, I was sure I could see it again. We had near eternity, after all.
I smiled. Eternity. The idea had always been so terrifying back home. Spans of time so vast that even the wisest thinkers couldn't truly comprehend them. I nearly shut down when I found out that I wouldn't age.
After I had gotten over the whole 'Oh my god, where am I' stage of my arrival, and had finally settled down to the idea of magical horse overlords, Celestia dispatched me to Ponyville to be studied by her freshly-assigned student. She had undertaken all sorts of experiments. Basics such as blood sample, muscle sample, saliva, etc were quickly forgotten as the purple mare excitedly began her magical evaluations. I was still pretty out of it at the time, but even then I was torn between thinking that the horse was adorable, excitedly babbling while surrounded by a whirl of blowing textbooks, and terrifying, as all this apparently new magic would soon be focused on me.
Given how different our methods of measuring time were, the information I had already provided as my Emergency Visa was being prepared was practically worthless. I knew my birthdate- but on a vastly differently sized planet whose day/night cycle was controlled by a physical entity manipulating the sun, there wasn't exactly a conversion table. As such, before she could help me fill out my Naturalization papers, Twilight had to (as she put it) "mana-date" me.
I don't use magic. Where I came from, magic was merely a story; a fiction for the entertainment of children. Without the core background, most all of Twilight's 'magic lessons' were met by general disinterest and always ended in a burst of her frustration and the swift end of the lesson.
As best I could explain it, though, mana is the basis of all magic. Apparently life itself creates mana, while somehow the relationships of intelligent creatures can amplify or alter the mana flow through a particular area. The magic had a second hand effect on virtually everything. Tapping into the flow and manipulating it could only be accomplished to certain degrees by specific magic-sensitive races.
I had no command of magic. Magic also did not affect me secondhand, as it did for earth ponies. Since all life stemmed from the motion of the sun and moon, the mana flow had certain measurable fluctuations. These fluctuations could, by a powerful unicorn with the right equipment, be measured and corrected. Every living thing experienced a slight growth in their inherent output as they age. This was why certain things, such as ancient trees or dragons or certain artifacts could grow to be so magically potent. Anyway, by recording the slight changes in my fluctuations for a few days in a magic-neutral room and adjusting that rate against a fresh baseline, she could estimate my mana-date within 2.5 moons.
It was an inexact science but as far as magic went it was as good as carbon dating.
Until she tried it on me.
As the results came in, her eyes went wide and she began frantically scribbling on a rapidly lengthening scroll. Her mania grew, until she let out a shrill laugh and swiftly fainted.
I stared.
Spike wandered in, took one look at me and Twilight, and bent over. Instead of picking her up he just dragged her from the room.
"Listen, dude, this pretty normal. Just take that stuff off. Dinner's as soon as she wakes up."
I nodded, confused, and went about my day.
‘Dinner’, as it turned out, was a royal affair. I had been summoned back to the Library Tree, fully expecting to enter the great round room and see a typical meal laid out on the small table pushed to the center. Instead; I walked through the door and felt my skin crawl and my hair stand on end. I found myself in the dining banquet of the Royal Castle.
What Twilight had learned about me was revolutionary. By her calculations, not only could she not place my exact birth, but I wasn’t aging. Gathered in the throne room that night, a fourth immortal had been discovered. I would join Celestia, Luna, and Cadence. We would grow together, live together, until the end of time.
Needless to say, I did not take that well. Merely weeks prior, I had found out that I would never be able to return home. I would be a freak in this world until I died. But now even death would not embrace me. I was cursed.
______________________________________________________________________________
I shook my head, smirking, as I remembered those days. It had been a little less than nine earth years prior. After my panic subsided, I began to make friends. To integrate. Living and working with Twilight, I helped her prepare for her adventures and took care of things while Spike was gone. Twilight and I became close friends- not nearly as close as she was to the girls, of course, but closer than I had ever been to another living thing.
I was basically a NEET, in the old world. I had come into just enough money that I wouldn’t starve and spent most of my time shut away reading. Books mattered more to me than anything else in life. The real world had nothing to offer.
And I was miserable every day.
My friendship with these girls had brought me life. Energy. Joy. Feelings. I looked forward to interacting. I embraced each day. Not for myself- I didn’t value the time because I had numbered days- I valued the time because they had a limited life. I had asked for a moment alone with Celestia after Twilight had broken the news. I wanted to implore how she coped, if she’d help. I took her advice to heart. I tried to make every day as memorable and positive with them as I could, so that I could treasure them long after they had passed.
And then Twilight ascended.
Oh, it had been a glorious day. I would never have to lose my best friend. She seemed to take the immortality in stride. Or at least that was what she projected to her friends. They all seemed to accept without question that their friend would never grow old- they never saw fit to bring it up.
But returning to my room after a fun night with a fine lady from across the mirror, I heard a mare sniffling. I crept towards the balcony, the towering crystal structure still a virtual maze for those of us who lived within.
I found Twilight, her legs curled beneath her. Her eyes glistened as she gazed forlornly into the night sky. Luna had painted a gorgeous picture, the endless expanse perfectly crisp and dazzlingly beautiful.
I didn’t say anything. I took a seat beside her and wrapped my arm around her neck. Together, we watched the stars. We watched the void, knowing that we would continue as long is it did, together.
______________________________________________________________________________
I stared at the ground, dejected. The large leg of the thick pretzel I had been vacuuming into my maw stared back. It was only when I tore my gaze away from my wasted snack and moved to wipe my lips that I noticed something bizarre about the city.
Nopony was running from me.
Nopony was staring at me.
Nopony was jostling or arguing. Only a few hushed tones carried through the crowd, each pony drifting as a single mass in a unified direction.
I followed. Whatever this was, it wasn’t normal. And when a situation wasn’t normal, my lavender friend was bound to be around.
The crowd suddenly parted as we spilled into an expansive courtyard. The towering Castle clawed into the sky, climbing as far as the eye could see. A grand wooden podium had been erected on the far side of the plaza, flanked on each side by immense marble statues of the Two Sisters. A large lump dwarfed even the statues and rested beyond the podium. Its' shape swayed and shifted as each strand of the breeze cast new shadows and crevices across the silk cover.
I scanned the crowd. They filled the plaza, spilled into the sidestreets. Ponies watched from rooftops and clustered into balconies, all riveted on the still-empty podium. Most of the city had crammed into the space. Ponies from across Equestria had made the voyage. I recognized, even if only in passing, nearly every face and mane in the crowd.
The crowd began to roar as figures entered. The regal two sisters led the procession. Twilight followed, decked out in full Princess Regalia. Only the Element’s remained, lining the rear of the stage and taking their seats.
Princess Celestia’s horn lit. She cleared her throat, the poor order of operations broadcasting the cough for miles. “My little ponies…” she began. I strained to listen. Even in her Court voice, she was hard to hear. I was near the edge of the crowd, after all.
My attention was ripped from her as I felt my arm jostled. I looked down, only to see a familiar red and yellow mop and the confident smile carried below.
“Hey!” Sunset said “Fancy seeing you here!”
“What’s up Sunset? When did you cross?”
“Oh, a couple of nights ago. I wanted to go see some friends that I didn’t make up with last time I came over… and Twilight almost made me crash my motorcycle with her little invitation. Also, I heard the portal was already open because you were over on one of your little ‘exploits’”
I blushed, despite myself. For whatever reason, the mirror didn’t seem to work on me. Or it considered myself an adequate fit for the other world and registered my normal form as the default for the return trip.
I shot back “Sunset, you’re one to talk. I know for a fact that since you made up with Celestia, you’ve made a few ‘discreet’ trips.”
Sunset threw back her head and chuckled. “Ah, well. We’re both trying to build a life in worlds we weren’t meant for. Sometimes we need a little ‘familiarity’.”
It was strange, our relationship. Twilight had brought me over the mirror world during a particularly bad depressive streak a couple of years ago. Sunset and I had quickly become close. Not romantically- though I could have gone for her as she was, she was solely looking for a piece of pony flank- but not even as friends. Strange as it was, we were more like siblings. Similar backstories, similar hobbies. Similar friends.
“So do you have any idea what we’re here for?”
She shook her head. “Twilight just asked me to come. Didn’t tell me anything more than that.”
We turned our attention away from each other as we noticed a great shift on the stage. Several Royal Guards had approached the large shape and now clasped thick ropes between their teeth. Celestia increased the power of her Court spell again, and her authoritative voice echoed, every pony clambering to her word. “Effective immediately, my sister and I abdicate our thrones. As our final act as your rulers, it is our great honor to introduce the First Reign of Princess Twilight Sparkle!”
The Guard heaved, and the heavy cloth fell. A shockingly lifelike image of Twilight loomed above, her great wings flared, her gaze pointed skywards. She held in her outstretched hooves a large book and the Element of Friendship.
The crowd erupted. Twilight took on a faint blush, even as she strode confidently to the center of the stage. She hugged Luna, the crowd’s frenzy growing. As Celestia pulled the Crown Princess into her wings for a long embrace, the hooves of each pony thundered against the stony ground, their jubilant voices resounding across the nation.
Twilight scanned the crowd, her pride overcoming her anxiety. Her eyes brushed over Sunset and I, and we waved. She smiled, and returned the gesture. Her friends rushed the stage. Even from where I stood, I could hear them.
“Girls, this is the just the start of a new adventure!”
As one, they began to laugh. It wasn’t a laugh of mirth, not borne by a joke. Instead, they laughed of joy. Of satisfaction. Of a journey well concluded.
The laugh was infectious. It swept across the crowd, everypony joining in, everypony vulnerable and free. I chuckled a bit, the spirit moving even me. Slowly, the laughing petered out; everypony content- everypony at peace.
I stretched, shooting a question towards Sunset.
“Well, that was something. Should we try to go welcome our new God Queen?”
Nothing.
That was strange.
I looked at Sunset. She wore the same dopey smile as the rest of the crowd. She didn’t blink. Her attention was locked on some distant point, far above and away. I scanned the crowd. Every single one of them was staring. I waved my hand in front of Sunsets face. I blew a spit of breath into her eye. I gently rubbed the white.
She didn’t even shift.
She just watched that distant point.
I noticed that my skin felt… flat. It felt as though I was totally separate from any sensation. I noticed the flags, which the gentle gusts had kept luxuriously flapping. They maintained their rigid shape, bent by a frozen wind.
The whole world was silence. I couldn’t hear the buzz of an insect, the echo of wind, the skittering of critters. The largest city in Equestria, the capital of the land, was totally still.
I wandered through the crowd, staring into the unseeing eyes of the ponies I had gotten to know, searching for any who would see me. I felt a great sense of wrongness- of unease.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
My unease was soon justified, as the corners of my world began to fade away. At first I thought it was my eyes, maybe one of my old migraines coming back with a vengeance.
How wrong I was. A void built just off the horizon. The terrible black swept through the land, cut down the sky, buried the clouds. It wasn’t black- it wasn’t shadow. It was the truest absence I could have imagined. It wasn’t a color or a light- it was merely the end. Of everything. Of my friends. Of me.
I started walking towards Twilight, carefully stepping around the crowd members as I closed the gap. The void pressed on.
I began to jog.
The void pressed on.
I began to sprint, bodily removing ponies from my path as I raced towards the podium. As they spun to the ground, they didn’t break their gaze. They didn’t even move their necks- somehow, each one naturally maintained the watch.
I spun, looking behind me. The void entered the crowd. I bit back a sob as it consumed Sunset. It swept through the crowd, contented face after contented face incapable of processing their own obliteration.
I prepared for my own death as the void brushed my ankles. I closed my eyes, embracing the end I had thought impossible.
I opened them. I was running on the void- on a flat plane I couldn’t see. All around me, the emptiness beckoned. A rapidly closing circle remained, only Twilight and her friends still present. I stretched out my arm, reaching.
“Don’t go!!!!!!”
The void sealed, and everything I had built was gone.
______________________________________________________________________________
I can’t tell you how long ago that had been. I have no way to keep track of the time anymore.
I spend all ‘day’ walking. I picked one direction after the void ate my world, and just started. I had no idea if I had gone anywhere. I feel ground beneath my feet, but I can’t find it with my hand. For all I know I’ve been climbing an endless set of stairs. Or I’ve been walking for millenium and not moved once.
In the void, I don’t need to eat. I can’t die. I don’t tire. I don’t sleep.
I may have been in here for decades, centuries, eons. Most terrifyingly, I may have only been in here for a day, a week. Literally anything was possible.
I can still see myself, devoid of all shadows. I am lit by no light- I just simply am. I’ve been searching, but can find nothing. All the walking, all the wandering. All just an excuse to fill the endless time.
I can speculate. I assume that whatever took my world was meant to wipe it. I tried to feel good about the fact that they had all gone happy- all their problems were resolved, all their dreams granted. They were together. They were on top. I remember the smiles of pure satisfaction each of them wore as the void consumed them. I remember the pride and pleasure in my friend's eye as she winked out of reality.
I wasn’t part of that world. I didn’t belong- I had been transplanted. I wasn’t truly connected to this world, to magic, to the fabric of friendship. It had finished, and I remain.
I’m still grateful for Celestia’s advice. I’ve remembered the good times more time than I can count. I’ve poured over every event, analysed the character of every one of my friends, imagined every possible permutation of our lives. I’ve relived the End over and over.
I have no other choice.
I don't know who I'm talking to. Maybe myself? I don't even know if I'm talking. This might just be thoughts, rattling around my head.
I wander. I know that somewhere in this void, the pocket knife I brought to Equestria waits. I hope that someday I’ll suddenly see the gleaming red of that wondrous plastic, unnaturally lit from all angles. I’ll finally be able to escape this hell.
I have to hope, or I’d have nothing.
Whether my death brings me relief, or sees my end, or reunites me with my friends, I couldn’t care less.
Because right now everything I loved is gone and I’m still here.
End
Author's Note
Hey.
So I've got some stuff to say about this story. (Would probably be better as a blog post, but like four people read those, so...)
I started banging this story out in frustration months ago when I first saw the Season 9 trailer. Now my connection to the show has waned a bit- since the Young 6 or whatever I only really tune in to special episodes- but it still means something to me. I decided to pull it out and rewrite it, to have something simple and one-shot to fiddle with during lunch break.
(Prepare yourself, gargantuan autism incoming)
I got into Pony in middle school towards the end of season 2. (story for another time) I didn't really have friends then. (still don't, actually.) As such, over these 7 years, I've developed very real feelings for these characters. I've watched them grow and change and learn for all that time- I've spent far more time reading their stories or watching them than I have with any other acquaintance doing things IRL. Anyone I've ever told this to thinks it is the dumbest idea imaginable, but as the show ends and the fandom inevitably winds down it feels like my eight closest friends in the world died at the same time. I'm into other entertainment, but it's just that- entertainment. I watch anime to fill time, not because I feel a years-long connection to the characters within.
I've never been closer to blowing my brains out.
Obviously not really, but the finale is going to be rough. Copious liquor will be necessary.
I don't know what I wanted to talk about. I guess enjoy the fandom while it's still around, and try to remember the good times?
-CFG
PS This was written well before whenever the finale airs. If the actual finale is anything like this Hasbro will be hearing from my totally real lawyers.
