Starlight had gotten lost in the castle. Again. She was just about to give up all hope of ever finding Spike and getting some coffee when she spotted the doors the doors to the throne room.
"SPIIIKEE!" She yelled as she burst open the doors. "Could you get me some c-CHRYSALIS! What are you doing here!?"
Chrysalis spun around in her office chair. She was wearing a blue suit with a red tie. She spoke up from the insides of her house made from various ponies.
"I declare this an independent nation from Equestria."
Starlight flared her horn "I don't know what you're playing at but if you don't surrender and get out of that house I will blast you into the after life."
Chrysalis calmly spoke up "That's a death threat, isn't it, Mayor Mare?"
"It is, it is." Was heard from the back of Chrysalis's house.
Chrysalis started up once more, shuffling her papers "Yes, let's open up the court than? I'll be accusing Starlight for threatening me."
Starlight look at them with a slightly tilted head "Wait, what?"
Mayor Mare now sat in the position of the judge in a court room that appeared out of nowhere.
"Oooh," Starlight said "I'm in a dream."
Chrysalis looked at the judge "Permission to make her realise the reality of the court?"
"Permission granted," Mayor Mare replied "As is stated in the wake-up slap law of 543, if the accused starts questioning reality a slap is allowed."
"Wait, wha-"
SLAP
Getting slapped with a hoove is not pleasant. Not even slightly.
From the hole in the wall, Starlight fell out. "Oh God my head..." Starlight's horn glowed and she looked at Chrysalis "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blast you right now." She said angrily, her horn aimed at Chrysalis.
"Let's add another threat and extortion to her list of crime," She clapped her hooves "Now's the time that she gets judged guilty to an eternity in Tartarus."
"Wait, wait, what?"
Chrysalis looked back at Mayor Mare "Permission for another slap?"
"Permission granted."
SLAP
"Owwww..."
"Alright, everyone in agreement that she's guilty?" Mayor Mare asked.
There were general murmurs of agreement coming from the house.
"Great, I declare Starlight Glimmer-"
"OBJECTION!"
Twilight Sparkle stepped out of the house of ponies, wearing a similar outfit to Chrysalis.
"Twilight?" Starlight asked "You have to help! Everypony has gone insane! I think Chrysalis hexed them!"
Twilight came to a stop in front of Chrysalis, who was looking back smugly.
"Don't worry Starlight, take me as your lawyer."
"Wait, wait just a second. WHAT! Just blast Chrysalis! We'll take her hostage until she releases the spell."
"Threats of kidnapping shall be added to her criminal record."
"She said she was going to send me to Tartarus!"
"In a completely legal way," Mayor Mare replied.
"Shhhhh," Twilight said. "I've got this."
Twilight turned to Chrysalis. "You can't be accusing Starlight, as you're illegally tresspassing in Equestria!"
"Nice try, Twilight Sparkle. But I have married and am thus a legal Equestrian citizen."
"The marriage with my BBBFF doesn't count as he was brainwashed at the time!"
"That's true Twilight Sparkle, but I have married another!"
"And who is this!"
"I'm glad you asked, it is no other than the Nightmare Moon."
"But she's dead! AND WHY AREN'T WE BLASTING HER!" Starlight added.
Twilight sighed "There's no law against marrying ponies that no longer exist." She smiled smugly "You may have won this one Chrysalis, but I'm just getting started."
"Twilight Sparkle, if you thought that I would just let myself get attacked you could be no bigger fool! I open another court!"
Another court materialised inside of the court, with Granny Smith as the judge.
"What's it now?" She asked stroking her chin before her eyes light up. "Oh yeah, the courts has been awoken!"
"Close enough," Twilight said "what exactly are you charging me for, Chrysalis?"
"Twilight Sparkle! I accuse you of littering! You knocked king Sombra's horn on the ground and then failed to pick it up!"
"Haha!" Twilight's eyes sparkled. "He legally declared his word as law, and at one point he said, and I quote 'CRISSSSSTAALLLSSSSS' Translated to 'Everypony in the Cristal Empire is my slave!' king Sombra was in the Cristal Empire at the time, so he was a slave with himself as the owner! And, seeing that slaves are qualified as pets, he would have to pick up his own litter! Take that, Chrysalis."
"She does make a mighty fine point," Granny Smith judged.
Starlight foolishly tried to speak once again "What do you mean, king Sombra legally declared his word as law?"
"Everything he did was through completely legal means." Twilight explained. "The culprit behind the mysterious demise of everypony with even the slightest power to resist was never found."
Starlight spoke once more "But, wouldn't that mean you murdered him and stole his empire?"
From the house of ponies came the voice of Pinkie Pie "Stop spoiling potential sequels!" She yelled, as a pink princess and a white knight trotted away whistling.
"But anyways," Twilight said "I open another court!"
Yet another court materialised, this time with Celestia as the judge. She took one good look at the situation. "Nope!" She wisely spoke, as she ran away and jumped through the nearest window.
Silence.
"I declare court once more, hopefully with less running away!" Twilight shouted.
Another court, another judge, another changeling.
"Uhmm, hi mom" Thorax said.
"I charge Thorax on account of high treason!" Chrysalis immediately yelled.
"Oh, well, sorry." Thorax looked around uncomfortably "I'll just leave now." Thorax slowly shufled out if the room.
"At least it wasn't running," Twilight said.
"Is anypony even slightly sane anymore?" Starlight questioned.
"According to the 'No judge available' subsection of the slap law of 543, we must slap Starlight Glimmer twice."
Twilight just nodded.
"IF ANYPONY TAKES EVEN ONE STEP CLOSER, I'LL BLAST THEM INTO-"
SLAPSLAP
Apparently, getting slapped with magic isn't any better than hooves.
"Why is everything spinning?" Starlight asked from the floor.
"I open another court on you, Chrysalis!"
The courts were multiplying.
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS JUDGES, YAY!" shouted three fillies.
"Everything is spinning faster..."
"Chrysalis, I copyright claim your declaration of independence from Equestria! You stole my approach!"
"Well that's too bad, Twilight Sparkle. The Equestrian headquarters of copyright mysteriously burned down in fire as hot as the sun years ago."
"Guys, a little help?" Asked the three judges now somehow covered in tree sap.
"I open another court on Chrysalis!"
The courts loomed menacingly. The judge was Chrysalis.
"Wait, wait, wait!" Starlight shouted "Seriously, the room still hasn't stopped spinning." She shook her head. "How is that," she pointed to one of the three Chrysalises she saw "Legal, in any way, shape or form."
"Since she married Nightmare Moon she's a princess so this is just fine." Twilight explained once again.
"What are your charges, Twilight Sparkle?"
"You can't declare this an independent nation of Equestria, Celestia patched those loopholes years ago."
"Celestia actually didn't, she gained a phobia of paperwork and just told everypony that she did and nopony bothered to check."
"You're a formidable opponent Chrysalis."
Chrysalis snorted "I wish I could say the same about you, Twilight Sparkle."
"Now, let's end this foolish battle," Said Twilight.
"Indeed, I open another court!"
The courts were starting to tear the fabric of reality apart. The judge was highly confused. "Crisssstalsss?" He asked.
"Guess we didn't murder him after all," Said Twilight.
"Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer I accuse you of trespassing onto the grounds of Chrysalis's New Hive. How do you plead?"
Before Starlight could speak, Twilight answered "Guilty."
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, YOU PLEAD WHAT!"
Chrysalis smiled. "So you've finally realised you could never defeat me?"
"WE COULD VERY EASILY DEFEAT IF WE JUST BLASTED HER, OR, I DON'T KNOW, DO LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT THIS!?"
"Requesting permission to slap."
"CRIIIISSTAALLLSS."
SLAP
"EVERYTHING HURTS!"
Chrysalis laid down her final judgement. "You will be striped of all titles and be tortured eternally in Tartarus. Do you have any last words?"
"AGONIZING PAIN!" Starlight said.
"That is indeed the point of torture," Twilight stoicly replied "You have forced me very far Chrysalis, and I'm sorry to do this to you."
Chrysalis laughed "What could you possibly do to stop me? I HAVE ALREADY WON! IT IS TIME FOR MY REVENGE!"
Twilight looked up at Chrysalis and then said it. The very mere mention of it caused civilized arguers to run in fear. The words that slayed armies, destroyed worlds and shattered whole realms.
"No u."
Chrysalis screeched in agony and fear at its power. The court rooms vanished, and Starlight questioned reality again only to get slapped once more.
After Chrysalis had gotten dragged to Tartarus, Twilight dusted herself of and left. "Another day in Ponyvile," She said.
Starlight sat there, slowly losing her grip on her sanity before drawing a conclusion.
"I really need some coffee."
Author's Note
"Twilight?"
"Yes Starlight?"
"How does the Equestrian legal system work?"
"It doesn't."
