Worse ways to spend an evening
“I want to watch a scary movie with you,” said Twilight.
“Okay sure,” Remi said without thinking,
Then he thought, blinked, and looked up from the magazine he’d been thumbing through. He found Twilight stood in front of his sofa looking at him with those big, distracting eyes. He lost his train of thought again for a second and had to shake his head to get it back on track.
“Wait, what. Why?” He asked.
“Because I heard it was a thing that human couples do,” she said.
Remi blinked again.
“Uh…”
Remi wasn’t sure about this. He’d heard about it being a thing, sure, but then lots of things were things - so why this thing? Why not some other thing?
“O...kay. What brought this on?”
“I was just reading about it and it came up and it sounded interesting and, well, I want to watch a scary movie with you,” Twilight said, starting to sound as though her resolve was slipping but pressing on regardless. She did look very determined.
Remi was still mostly just confused. He squinted at her in case he was missing something obvious. He got nothing.
“It’s, like, February, this ain’t the spookiest month,” he said.
Twilight huffed and stomped.
“Why don’t you want to do this with me!”
He could tell she was getting genuinely unhappy at this point. He went into damage control.
“I don’t not not want, uh, don’t not - fuck - I have no issue watching a scary film with you, Twilight, this is all just very sudden,” Remi said, holding his hands up defensively in the face of his inexplicably annoyed marefriend.
“So you’ll watch one with me?” She asked sweetly, smiling, the full force of those eyes focused on Remi who felt that at that moment he’d likely agree to just about anything. He had to look away.
“Sure, fine, yes. If it’ll make you happy.”
With a squee of delight Twilight hopped up onto the sofa and settled herself down beside Remi, who folded his magazine and tossed it onto the coffee table.
“I looked up some stuff about horror films. I read all about one! Nosferatu. Have you heard of it?” Twilight asked.
“Nosferatu?” Remi mouthed to himself, astounded at Twilight’s research being so spectacularly limited. Then he remembered he’d been asked a question. “Uh yeah, I’ve heard of it. Probably won’t be that one. It’s pretty old.”
“That’s alright. Just anything scary so we can watch it together. And cuddle. And bond!”
Twilight clearly had a very specific scenario in mind for this evening. Remi would not be surprised if he found a flowchart she’d made for this exact situation, outlining all possible options and what to do to achieve the optimal outcome. It would not have been the first time.
Unable to stop himself Remi just started running his fingers through her mane. Twilight cooed, eyes closing as she relaxed back against his hand. This went on for longer than Remi had initially meant it to. Eventually, he broke the contented silence by asking:
“Define ‘scary’, anyway. Fear is a subjective thing, Twily, and there’s a lot available. You got your slower-paced fare that relies on tension, you got your stuff more towards the gorier, splatterier end of things. If it ain’t scary to you it ain’t scary, right?”
Twilight grumbled and leant forward away from his hand, twisting back to give him an annoyed glance.
“Look, just pick one, I don’t mind. Surprise me.”
There was no getting out of this, this much was obvious. Her mind was set, and if Remi had learnt one thing about Twilight from their time together it was that once her mind was made up that was generally it.
And, really, other than being unexpected and odd this wasn’t that bad. Remi liked a nice horror film as much as the next man, and it wasn’t as if he’d had anything else planned for the evening. Why not have a nice relaxing time in front of the telly with the marefriend?
For a given value of ‘relaxing’ depending on what they watched, obviously.
Besides, if the worst thing that came from him granting Twilight access to the internet was her somehow getting it into her head that human couples bonded by watching scary films together then he counted himself lucky.
Frankly, it could have been a lot worse.
Sighing in defeat he leaned forward and picked up the remote control, flipping the television on and getting things rolling while Twilight, smiling victoriously, snuggling against him, wings tucking in.
“Alright, fine, let’s go with Hereditary. Hope you like it long and slow and uncomfortable,” he said, making a selection. Twilight glanced up at him.
“Is that a sex joke?” She asked, muzzle wrinkling in distaste. He winked.
“If you want it to be.”
“Just start the movie.”
“Film, starting. Hope you don’t have anywhere to be for two hours.”
Things were quieter after that. Twilight seemed intent on concentrating on what was going on on-screen and Remi was intent on putting an arm around her and cuddling her. Before too long she ended up plopped in his lap, her back to his chest and a blanket draped over the both of them.
Remi, having seen it before, tried to pick up on foreshadowing and details he might have missed the first time. Twilight, never having seen anything like it before in her life, just watched.
Time passed, developments occurred before them, the film concluded.
Stretching, Remi yawned.
“For some reason the ending kind of reminds me of Kill List. Fucking love Kill List. Not really the same sort of film at all - actually, now I think about it, maybe-”
He trailed off when he realised belatedly that Twilight was both shivering and also apparently hiding under the blanket. Frowning, Remi reached down and gently lifted the blanket off of her head. Her eyes were screwed shut.
“You alright there?” He asked.
“That wasn’t a bonding experience!”
“It wasn’t?”
“No! It was horrible!”
It wasn’t his fault, he knew, but Remi did feel a tiny bit bad. He had picked the thing, after all. Maybe he should have gone for something a little softer? Something more conventional, maybe? Or would that have been just as bad for her? Too late for that now, anyway.
“Wasn’t that bad…” He mumbled sheepishly.
“It was horrible! With the head and the - and the blood! And the fire! Humans watch these things for fun?”
“Uh, some humans, sure. Haven’t you fought against actual, physical evil beings before?”
He felt it was worthwhile pointing this out to her.
“It was never like this though! Eurgh! You’re coming to bed when I do tonight, I am not going to sleep on my own,” Twilight said, twisting around in his lap and prodding him in the chest with a hoof to make sure her point was taken seriously.
Remi had been planning on doing this anyway, so wasn’t too fussed. Inside he was too busy crossing off films never to show Twilight in future. The Night Comes for Us? Perhaps not. And that was just the first one he thought of. Not even a horror film!
Ponies. Their sensibilities were not those of humans. Theirs were gentler. It was kind of something Remi liked about Twilight, if he was being honest. It was very easy to be cynical, but around her that just kind of tended to fade into the background somehow. She was just so bloody earnest and nice.
Unprompted and without thinking about it much he gave her a hug. Twilight squeaked but, after a moment of residual grumpiness, returned the hug.
“Well, we tried something. That’s the important thing,” Remi said. Twilight just nodded, head pressed into his chest. For a moment or two they were quiet, then Remi bent down to give her a peck on the head - being careful to avoid poking his eye out, of course, but he did that mostly without thinking now.
“Tomorrow let’s do something more pleasant, hmm? Maybe something you know you’ll like.”
“Can we go to the library?” Came Twilight’s shirt-muffled response.
“Again? You have the internet! The most libraries!” Remi said as Twilight dug deeper into him.
“It’s not really the same...and I’m going home soon…”
Remi had to admit she might have had a point about the internet, and also about her going home soon. This was true, and being reminded of it was a bit of a jolt. Remi thought a moment, then came up with an alternative.
“Hey, here’s an idea: tomorrow how about you and me go up to London? Fancy a visit to the British Museum? Hell, we can make a day of it.”
“Didn’t you say London was a ‘shit-hole’?”
“Oh I say that about everywhere! It’s not that bad. Some parts are nice! And you don’t have pockets so you can’t get them picked. We’ll go to Covent Garden, get some banana bread, it’ll be great.”
Twilight levered herself away from Remi to get a better look at him, one eyebrow raised in scrutiny.
“I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not,” she said.
“I’d never joke about banana bread.”
This Twilight chose not to dignify with a response. Instead, she tapped a hoof to her chin and considered his actual suggestion. Being as how her visit wasn’t a particularly long one she’d been perfectly content to just hang around with Remi, see a little of his hometown and - of course - visit the nearest library. The prospect of going up to London hadn’t really occurred to her as anything other than something for the next visit, maybe.
But there was a museum…
“Are there many museums in London?” She asked.
“Honestly, I would lose count,” Remi said.
The place was lousy with them. Agreeably, some were tiny and obscure, but still. Even if you restricted yourself to the major ones you could lose days. And it wasn’t even the school holidays! They would only have to slip through the crowds rather than wade through them.
Unfortunately for Remi his personal favourite museum was not in London and was, in fact, right bang-smack in the arse end of nowhere, but that was life. He doubted it would have been Twilight’s scene anyway. Perhaps a little too martial for pony sensibilities.
Twilight was still considering.
“It’s a good suggestion…” She said.
“Or the Science Museum,” Remi said and Twilight froze mid-chin stroke.
“There’s a science museum?” She asked. He nodded, flinching in surprise when she grabbed him by the collar, her muzzle suddenly an inch from his nose. “Why didn’t you tell me that first?!”
“Must have slipped my mind?” Remi ventured.
“When does it open? No, wait, I’ll find out. I’ll research this! I can come up with an itinerary.”
“That sounds great?” Remi again ventured, but Twilight wasn’t particularly listening and a moment later vanished from his lap completely with a flash, a similar flash of colour visible from down the hall indicating where she’d gone. There came the faint sound of magic and the rather louder sound of a keyboard.
Remi chuckled to himself and switched the telly off.
That was tomorrow sorted, then.
Author's Note
I don't know. Words. I get bored.
Picked Hereditary because it was the last horror film I saw. Actually rather enjoyed it, which surprised me given how much I did not enjoy The VVitch.
But there you go. Words.