Fated to be a monster

by Rated Ponystar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike
Length: 2299

Spike thinks about the events of "Secret of My Excess"

After the events of "Secret of My Excess", Spike realizes how much of a danger he really is as a dragon and fears that what he became is what he will eventually become. Not wishing to cause harm to his friends he decides to runaway and leave Ponyville forever....

Published 2011-12-12 16:00:34 UTC
Last updated 2011-12-12 16:00:34 UTC

Chapter 1

Fated to be a monster
A fanfic created by The Rated PonyStar
Disclaimer: I do not own anything of MLP, for reasons that are very obvious.

*****

He was a monster.

A beast of greed that was willing to do anything and take anything he wanted just to satisfy his hunger. He had always known that being a dragon meant having certain…urges…that were different from most creatures. But the experience that he had gone through today made him realize just how much of a difference it was.

Spike lay in his bed with his eyes focused on the ceiling above, the darkness of the night surrounding him. He couldn’t fall asleep no matter how hard he tried in fear of what he envisioned every time he closed his eyes. A huge fierce purple scaled dragon roaring through town, stealing anything his eyes could spot. He could still hear the sound of ponies running from him in fear and terror as he smashed through houses and buildings.

And then there was her: Rarity.

Wrapped inside of his long tail and screaming for help as he carried her up the mountain -like the prized jewel of his horde. He could still remember the fear in her eyes as she called him a monster.

It still hurt whenever he thought that. Even though she had forgiven him and still called him a friend, he still wasn’t ready to forgive himself for hurting somepony he cared about. Not just Rarity, but for all his friends and the citizens of Ponyville.

If only he hadn’t lost control of his desires then this horrible day wouldn’t have happened. If only he didn’t even have a birthday to celebrate then maybe the large amount of presents he got wouldn't have help escalate his inner greed.

While many of the citizens forgave him, upon learning it was something he didn’t have complete control over, there were still those who gave him a cold glare and he couldn’t blame them. They had a right to be afraid of him or even hate him for what he had done.

Spike certainly did.

He felt like an entirely different being when he transformed into that “other” him. He felt like a giant and everything around him was his for the taking. He had the power and size to seize whatever he wanted and those who tried to stop him were nothing more than ants that could be crushed. Even though they were his friends and he loved them, he didn’t’ care. He just stomped around and pushed them away as they tried to stop him from taking “his” stuff.

Why he took it he couldn’t explain either. It all seemed so important, even the littlest of things, and he just wanted it so he could have it as his own. It was all there, ripe for the taking, and with his size he felt like nothing could stop him from taking it no matter who it belonged to or whoever got hurt.

And it was still there.

That desire to take stuff still lingered inside his mind like an echo.

It scared him.

Not because it served as a reminder of what he became, but what he was going to eventually become.

All dragons were greedy, it was in their nature, and sooner or later he would grow up to be just like them. Spike looked at his tiny claw and imagined it growing to the size where he could smash a pony into mush with one simple walk forward. He wasn’t going to stay a baby forever and one day his greed would come back. What would he be like next year? Or in five years? What about ten?

Now he had to look to his birthdays with fear and dread instead of happiness like they were supposed to be. Who knows what other kind of changes he would go through as he got older? What if he started losing control of his fire breath? What if he got too big to be in Ponyville? What if he started craving meat?

He may not be a monster now, but one day he would be. There was no stopping what he was going to become and no telling how it would affect his friends.

If Twilight, Rarity, or anypony else he knew got hurt because of him…

Spike sat up and closed his eyes as the truth finally set in.

He was a danger to them all.

Not just his friends, but the town as well. He couldn’t risk losing control again and setting another disaster on the place he called home. What if he couldn’t snap himself out of it again? What if he actually hurt somepony or worse?

It was too risky and there was only one way to stop him from hurting them.

He had to leave.

He didn’t want to leave, but what choice was there? He was going to become that monster dragon one way or another and there was no chance of changing it. Spike quietly got out of his bed and started packing. He took his blanket and his emergency jewel stash before grabbing a framed photo of him and all his friends. He smiled at the picture as he felt his heart fill with guilt knowing he was leaving them without even saying goodbye; but this was for the best.

Spike packed it all up in his blanket and was about to leave when he stopped and glanced over at a sleeping Twilight. He walked towards her and watched her continue to slumber peacefully, not knowing that she would never see him again.

Twilight was the one thing in his life he would always be thankful for. She raised him, took care of him, and loved him like no one else did. She was his mother; sister, teacher, and friend at the same time and no other being on the planet would ever hold the same love he had for her. He wondered what she would do when she found out he left; she would most likely blame herself first.

The last time he ran away it wasn’t on good terms, but she came charging to his rescue even at the risk of her own life. Chances are she would try to find him again, but this time he would make sure not to leave a trail.

With a tiny kiss on her cheek he whispered goodbye before he tipped-toed downstairs and was about to a make his way to the door.

“Hoo!”

Spike nearly shouted in surprise, but kept his mouth shut before he glared at the owl that spooked him, “Owlicious! Don’t do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Hoo.”

“Me”

“Hoo.”

“The guy in front of you”

“Hoo.”

“The purple dragon who keeps getting annoyed every time we do this!”

“Hoo.”

He sighed in frustration before calming down, “Look…I’m leaving and don’t try following me, okay? I’m doing this for everypony so they don’t have to deal with me anymore. I’m too much of a risk to keep around them. Heck, I’m a dragon for crying out loud and when was the last time a town full of ponies had a dragon living with them?”

Owlicious kept quiet, but for a split second Spike could have sworn he saw a look of concern in the owl’s eyes.

“I need you to do me a favor. Since I’m leaving that means you’re the number one assistant now so you’re going to have to take care of Twilight. Don’t let her stay in here all day and make sure you bring her down to earth whenever she starts losing it. Okay?”

“Hoo.”

“Twilight.”

“Hoo.”

“The unicorn upstairs.”

“Hoo.”

“The one who-never mind.” Spike said, giving up. One thing he wasn’t going to miss was how much that owl kept getting on his nerves.

Giving Owlicious a wave goodbye he made his way to the door. He put his claw on the doorknob and took a deep breath, ready to go wherever he was going to go.

“And just where do you think you’re going this late at night?”

This time Spike did shout in surprise as he turned around to see a tired, but angry, Twilight glaring at him.

“Oh, Twilight! Did I wake you up? Oh, don’t mind me I’m just going for a little midnight run. Help’s the muscles you know?”

Twilight just continued to stare at him as Spike got more nervous, “Uh…did I say midnight run? I meant I was just…going to the bathroom! Yeah!”

“The bathroom is over there.” Twilight pointed out to the hall nearby.

“Really? Then I must have been sleepwalking. It’s been a rough day and all. I mean I turn into a freakishly large dragon, terrorize the town, and then nearly eat Rarity’s head off so yeah…I should…just…”

Spike sighed knowing it was pointless to lie as Twilight asked, “Were you thinking of running away again?”

He nodded his head which made Twilight sigh, “Spike, you don’t need to feel guilty for what happened. Everypony already forgave you and it wasn’t your fault. You were just going through a change that every dragon goes through as they get older.”

“And what happens when I do get older?” Spike asked, facing Twilight, “What happens when those urges come back, huh? What if I start seeing everything as treasure for the taking and I start growing bigger?”

“Spike you’ll-“

“No! Don’t you see, Twilight!? That monster I became was me and it’s going to be me in the future! I’m going to turn into a greedy giant dragon that’s only going to cause harm to anypony around me! What’s going to happen when I can’t fit in this house anymore!? What’s going to happen when I start developing the need to grow my own horde!? Who’s going to stop me from hurting somepony or worse when I go on a rampage again?!”

Twilight was looking at him with concern as he continued on, “I don’t want to hurt anypony. I don’t want what happened today to repeat sometime in the future. I’m a dragon, Twilight. I’m going to be big and mean and greedy and who knows what else when I get older. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me and I’m scared…I’m scared that deep inside I really am a monster and nothing I do will prevent it.”

He rubbed his eyes as he realized he had been crying the entire time without his knowledge. He didn’t like crying in front of anyone as it made him feel embarrassed.He avoided Twilights’ gaze as he stared at the ground.

A second later he found himself in the comfort of Twilights’ front legs.

“You’re not a monster and you never will be one.”

Spike held his breath as Twilight whispered, “No monster would ever cry or feel ashamed at his action. A monster wouldn’t be a kind and lovable creature as you are. I know you better than anypony, Spike. You’re not a monsster and I know this from the bottom of my heart.”

“But…when I grow older…”

“You can control it.” Twilight said, “I did research on it and you can control it. I won’t lie, it’s not easy, but there are ways to make a dragon control his inner greed. What you experienced is no different to when a unicorn loses control of their magic for the first time. There are ways to help you and even if there wasn’t I would still help you deal with your desires and whatever else comes.”

“But what if I hurt you!? Or our friends!?”

“You won’t. I know you, Spike. What did you think of when you saw Rarity in your clutches?”

“I thought…about how important she was to me and how I didn’t want to hurt her.”

Twilight smiled, “Would a monster have desires not to hurt somepony?”

“Well, no. But still-“

“No, Spike. That moment right there showed that, even when you were overtaken by greed, there was still a part of the real you inside. What that dragon represented may have been a part of you, but it wasn’t all of you. Yes, you have a greedy side, but don’t you think other ponies do too? We all have parts of us that make us act wrong, but what matters in the end is how we control them. And I believe you can control your urges just as well as anypony.”

A small feeling of hope began to grow inside Spike, “Do you really think so?”

Twilight nodded with a warming smile on her face, “I believe in you, Spike. And I know you will still be the same dragon I love no matter what.”

Spike, teary eyed, hugged Twilight as tight as he could. He would believe in Twilight’s words and he would never become a monster. He would do everything to make sure he stayed the same and never stray from his true self.

“Now then…” Twilight said as they ended their hug, “I think it’s best if we got to bed. Tomorrow is a busy day since we have to all clean up Ponyville…again.”

Spike yawned in agreement as they made their way upstairs. Just as he was about to get into his bed he stopped and asked, “Umm, Twilight?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think we can share the same bed? Just for tonight?” Spike asked, with a blush. He
hadn’t shared a bed with Twilight in years and eventually stopped because he wanted to mature.

Twilight was a bit surprised by the request, but nodded and made room for Spike to sleep on.

The two of them said goodnight as both dreamed peacefully with no worries of the future in their minds.