Best Left Forgotten

Sunset readjusted the paper bag in her arms as she exited the grocery store, the automatic doors sliding shut behind her. Her phone was buzzing incessantly, indicating yet another wave of text messages, and she already knew what they’d say. As she made her way across the parking lot and towards the sidewalk, she held her bag in one arm and pulled her phone from her pocket.

Just as expected, half a dozen texts from an equal number of contacts were asking if she was interested in going to some kind of party. Seconds later, Sunset sent a simple reply, denying the request and apologizing. Hanging out with her friends was always enjoyable, but she had other plans tonight, just as she did every time they asked.

She pocketed her phone, sighing. Sunset loathed the thought of leaving Wallflower—someone who constantly struggled with feeling excluded—all alone so that she could go to a party. It’s not like Wallflower would be willing to go with her either, and Sunset could hardly blame her, given what she’d been through. Wallflower had seldom left the apartment in the several weeks they’d been living together, and she would only do so if Sunset accompanied her. Even then, Sunset could only take Wallflower out for so long before her guest’s mounting anxiety forced them to return home.

She leaned against a telephone pole as she waited for the crosswalk. The more Sunset thought about it, the more she realized Wallflower wasn’t really her guest anymore. Her apartment had become their apartment, their mutual home. Honestly, Sunset was more than happy with the change. Spending time at her apartment was much more enjoyable now that she had someone to spend that time with. It only helped that in the few short weeks Wallflower had been staying with her, she had grown quite attached to Sunset, and the two of them now had a bond that felt far more resilient than the one Sunset shared with her friends.

As wonderful as all the girls were, Sunset had recently been confronted by the bitter truth that they would be just fine without her. It had always been a long-standing fear of hers, and it was proven when her friends’ good memories of her were erased. Even without Sunset, they had fallen into a nearly identical friendship dynamic, as if Sunset’s presence had never mattered to begin with. She was expendable to them, even if they didn’t think so now.

She and Wallflower had a different kind of closeness. They lived together, ate together, even slept in the same bed together. Wallflower needed her, and Sunset was beginning to accept that she needed Wallflower too.

Sunset crossed the street, arriving at her apartment building. She grunted to herself as she tried to pull her keys from her pocket while juggling her several grocery bags. After a few more seconds of fiddling with the key ring, she finally succeeding in turning the rusted lock to her apartment. She turned around, using her elbow to push the handle down and again to open the door.

“Wally?” she called out. “I’m home, could you help me with these bags?”

“Oh!” Sunset saw Wallflower’s head peek over the loft railing. “Sure, just a sec.” In moments, Wallflower was rushing down the stairs and across the room. She threaded her arm through the handles of a couple grocery bags and took them from Sunset’s grasp. “Where should I put these?”

“Uhm, just over by the fridge is fine,” Sunset said. “Most of those are veggies anyway.”

“Bottom shelf, right?” Wallflower asked.

“Yeah, just push aside the, uhh...” Sunset stood still for a moment, then shrugged. “The whatever the heck is in there, I dunno.” She stepped past Wallflower and placed the rest of the bags down on the table. “Probably leftover takeout or something.”

As soon as Wallflower closed the door of the tiny fridge, she turned and wrapped Sunset in a tight hug. Sunset sighed, leaning slightly into the embrace. “Miss me much?”

“Maybe a bit,” Wallflower said, giving a little squeeze. “I get pretty lonely without you here, y’know?”

“I was only gone for an hour, Wallflower.”

“I-I know!” Wallflower finally released Sunset from her affectionate vice grip. “I just got bored, is all.”

“You could always start on that list of great shows I gave you,” Sunset said. “Y’know, the ones you really need to watch?”

“Well, yeah, but...” Wallflower shifted back and forth, brushing a lock of green hair over her ear. “I was kinda hoping we could watch them together.”

Sunset couldn’t help but smile. “It’s pretty late, but maybe we can watch something after dinner,” she said. “Speaking of which, do rice and veggies sound okay?”

“Mhmm.” Wallflower nodded. “Anything I can do to help?”

Sunset thought about it for a moment. There were two things that needed doing—boiling the water and chopping the vegetables. Her eyes flicked to the bathroom door, and a brief grimace flashed across her face. Even if Wallflower seemed fine right now, Sunset still wasn’t about to hand her a knife.

She blinked, her mind returning to the present. “Can you get the water started? Oh, and the hot plate may be unplugged, so check that first.”

“You got it!” Wallflower grinned,

As Wallflower set about her task, Sunset began dicing the vegetables. “Any idea which show you wanna start with?” she asked.

“Not really,” Wallflower said. “You can choose. I’m just happy to have someone to watch stuff with.”

“Yeah... It really does make things better,” Sunset sighed.

It was good to be home.

Sunset crawled beneath the comforter, sliding into her usual spot on the right side of the bed. Beside her, Wallflower flipped back and forth through the pages of the book she held—some cheesy romance novel they had found at a garage sale last week.

“So how are you liking it?” Sunset said, smirking.

“It’s, uhm...” Wallflower averted her eyes, redness spreading on her cheeks. “It’s okay. Pretty lovey-dovey, to be honest, but that’s not always a bad thing, y’know?”

Sunset shrugged. “I’ll take your word for it.”

“Oh, you can turn off the lamp if you want,” Wallflower said. “I’m done with this anyway.” She unceremoniously tossed the book on the floor.

“Yeesh, I thought you liked it,” Sunset said. “Good thing it’s paperback.”

“Oh c’mon, garage sale books are the best ones to throw around.”

“Fair enough,” Sunset said. She reached out and pulled the lamp cord beside her, and the loft fell into darkness. Like clockwork, Wallflower scooted over and snuggled into Sunset, just as she had done every night since her panic attack. If the best way for Sunset to help keep the nightmares away was to sleep in comfort and warmth instead of on the couch, that was a sacrifice she was more than willing to make.

She relaxed further into the sheets. Beneath the comforter, she felt Wallflower’s hand searching for her own, and a moment later their fingers were laced together.

Sunset sighed, a smile growing on her lips as she closed her eyes. This was nice. Every night, she was surprised by how nice it was. Whatever loneliness had preyed on her in the past was long gone, along with all the depression and self-destructive behavior that spawned from it.

Just as she began to drift off, something shifted beside her. Sunset’s eyes blinked open as Wallflower lifted her head from her shoulder.

“Hey, Sunset?” Wallflower whispered, her expression unreadable in the darkness of the loft.

“Yeah?” Sunset sat up. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, y-yeah, nothing’s wrong at all. I guess, just... I-I dunno, uhm...” Wallflower fumbled over her words, nervousness creeping into her voice.

Sunset put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay,” she said. “You can tell me anything, you know that.”

Wallflower sighed. “I do. And I’m so thankful for that—for you. You’ve done so much for me, ever since, uhm... Since I remembered what h-he...” She paused, and Sunset sat patiently as Wallflower took a deep breath. “...Since I remembered what happened. Letting me stay here, taking care of me, being there for me... I can’t thank you enough.”

“And you’ll never have to.” Sunset smiled.

Wallflower shifted around, kneeling on the bed beside Sunset. “The night I got my memory back, it was like... It was like a full month’s worth of all that pain just came crashing down all at once. I thought my life was over—I wanted it to be over.” She sighed, wiping her eyes. “But you were there for me. You wouldn’t let me be alone, even when I pushed you away and screamed at you to leave. Sometimes I’m still surprised that there’s someone in my life who cares about me that much...”

“Of course I do,” Sunset said. “I want to support you however I can, Wallflower. I really care about you. ”

“See, that’s kinda the thing. You show how much you care with everything you do for me,” Wallflower said. “And for a while I’ve been, I dunno... Confused about how I can show how much I care about you.” Even in the dark, Sunset could see Wallflower smiling. “You make me feel safe, Sunset. That’s something I’ve never had before.”

“Oh, Wally...” Sunset couldn’t help but grin. “That might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Wallflower scooted over until she was right in front of Sunset. “I think I have it figured out, though. How to show you how much I care.”

“I already know how much you, uhm...” Sunset trailed off when she realized Wallflower had inched closer, and tingling feeling rushed through her as she met Wallflower's lidded gaze. “Wally...?”

Wallflower took a deep breath, and her shoulders shuddered a bit, as if a shiver had run up her spine. A nervous smile crossed her lips as she spoke. “I... I hope you like this."

Without another word, Wallflower began drifting closer. Sunset watched, paralyzed by something, as the distance between them grew smaller and smaller.

Then, in the space of a blink, Sunset surrendered to an urge she didn’t know she had and closed her eyes as their lips met.

The world around them fell into slow motion. Sunset's thoughts evaporated as Wallflower pressed further into the kiss, and she hardly noticed her own breathless sigh as she started losing herself in the soft, steady rhythm. The kiss broke apart, only for their lips to come together again, and again, and—

Sunset’s eyes shot open and she pushed Wallflower away.

“Wha...” Wallflower sat up. “S-Sunset, what’s wrong?”

Sunset didn’t reply. This was wrong. Doing that was wrong. Feeling what she’d just felt was wrong.

It had only been a month since Wallflower remembered what happened. If Sunset closed her eyes, she could still see the memory she had witnessed. She could see Wallflower trapped beneath him, sobbing and shivering as he played with her body. She could hear her crying out in agony as he ripped her open and stabbed into her over and over and over. She could feel the depths of her disgust and self-loathing as she was forced to whimper and shudder with pleasure against her will.

Sunset knew how damaged Wallflower was. She knew it wasn’t okay for them to do this. She knew it could possibly wind up hurting Wallflower even more.

“Sunset, please,” Wallflower said, her voice shaky. “Say something.”

Just as Sunset was about to speak, her mind presented her with a question—if Wallflower and her kissing was wrong... Why had she enjoyed it so much?

“I-I...” Sunset struggled to find an answer. Until only a few moments ago, Sunset had never even thought about this kind of relationship. Wallflower had been the one to kiss her, though, so Sunset had no doubts that Wallflower wanted to be with her. Now that the choice was before her, Sunset realized that she was more than okay with that, too.

Sunset shook her head. Wallflower had been raped. The last thing Sunset wanted to do was stir up that trauma through any kind of intimacy. Just because Wallflower said she wanted this didn’t mean it was a good idea, right?

“I don’t... Wallflower...”

That kind of thinking was a double-edged sword, though. Were Sunset to take that idea and run with it, she would be discounting what Wallflower wanted based on the belief that she didn’t know enough about romance or sex to make her own decisions—which was the exact same justification Wallflower’s attacker had given just before he’d assaulted her.

“I-I’m sorry...” Wallflower hung her head, and even through the darkness, Sunset could see the glint of tears brimming in her eyes. “You didn’t like th-that and... And I did it anyway and I shouldn’t have, I’m s-s-sorry...!”

“No, Wally, hey...” Sunset spoke softly. “That’s not it. You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said, doing her best to choose the right words. “I... I did like it. That’s not the problem.”

Wallflower sniffed, wiping her eyes. “Th-then what is?”

“I don’t know,” Sunset sighed. “I just... I need time to think about this, okay?”

“Okay,” Wallflower spoke just above a whisper. “Will you still stay up here tonight...?”

“Of course,” Sunset said, returning her head to the pillow. “Besides, I don’t think I could go back to sleeping on the couch even if I wanted to.”

“O-okay. Thank you.” Wallflower laid down beside Sunset, pressing into her and warming them both. “It really does help,” she said.

“Don’t worry,” Sunset said. She closed her eyes, her own head resting on Wallflower’s. “No matter what happens, I’m not going anywhere.”