Cutie Mark Policemares! Yay!

by Uh-hmmm

Rating: everyone
Tags: Scootaloo, Slice of Life, Human, Sweetie Belle, Thriller, Anon, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy
Length: 1344

It's a hard job, but somepony has to do it. Three brave fillies step up to fight crime and capture the notorious criminal, Anonymous.

It's a hard job, but somepony has to do it. Three brave fillies step up to fight crime and capture the notorious criminal, Anonymous.
(Set before they got their cutie marks.)

Published 2019-03-13 00:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-13 00:40:02 UTC

Chapter Only

As chief of police of Ponyville PD, you have a lot on your plate. Peas, carrots, and two officers that are more trouble than they're worth. But they're all you got, not to mention that you are friends with both of them. You'll be getting your policing cutie marks in no time.

"Chief Belle! There is a suspicious somepony at ten o'clock!"

You look up at the sun, gauging the time.

"But it's only 3 in the afternoon, how do you know there will be a suspicious somepony at 10?"

Scootaloo points down the street.

"No, I mean he's over there!"

You narrow your eyes. You'd know that somepony anywhere. It's Anonymous, the most prolififif, um, does a lot of bad things guy!

"Good work, Officer Aloo. Let's take him in for questioning."

The three of you trot over to the human. He's looking cool and rebellious, leaning against the outside of the Sofa and Quills store. Officer Bloom is the first to reach him.

"Heya, Anon. How long have you been standing here?"

You admire her cleverness, sounding friendly, but asking a question so that he incriminates himself. Anon glances at all of you, and gets a twinkle in his eye. You all know what's going to happen next.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe... fifteen minutes. Probably longer."

Officer Aloo scowls.

"How dare you, you loiterereerr!"

Officer Bloom starts spinning her lassoo, and you frown grimly at the criminal.

"You are under arrest, Anonymous. Anything you say can and will be written down in this handy dandy noteb-"

Your magic tries to retrieve that important piece of law enforcement equipment, but It's not there! You run around in circles, trying to look into your saddle bags, but they keep getting away! Anon chuckles, like a bad person who got to eat candy when you couldn't because Rarity was being mean about keeping your teeth healthy and stuff.

"No notebook? Then maybe I can talk about all the bad things I did, and you won't be able to tell on me later."

You scrunch. He's right. There's nothing you ca-

Rope falls around Anon's torso, and Apple Bloom pulls it tight.

"Got 'im! Let's take you back to the station, and then you'll talk!"

Your blood runs cold. This is not how police do things. Scootaloo comes buzzing around the corner, her scooter pulling the paddy wagon. Anon has to sit with his knees all the way up to fit, but that just makes it harder for him to get away.

You should say something, do something to stop this abuse of the law. But... nopony takes you seriously. You need a victory, even if you are kinda sorta cheating a little bit. It's not like Anon isn't a known criminal, right?

So you say nothing as you and Officer Bloom clamber up onto his shoulders and Officer Aloo starts the engine. You clear your throat, and start singing the traditional police song.

"Wee oo Wee oo Wee oo!"

It's not a difficult song, because not every officer can be a great singer, but you do your best anyhow. Nice, honest pony citizens on the street wave as you zip by, and you wave back.

It's a relief when you pull into the treehouse station. Anon was well behaved the entire way, and you contempl-compti- think about giving him a sticker if he keeps up the good behavior. Not a gold star though, that's only for citizens who went above and beyond the call of duty. You slip off his shoulder, and head towards your desk. Officer Bloom leads the criminal to the timeout corner, and sits him down on an old flat pillow that was donated to the station. It's got a nice blue pillowcase with a faded daisy flower pattern. It's the little things, that help criminals know that while they did bad, they still can be nice ponies.

You find your handy dandy notebook quickly, snatching it up from your desk and trotting over for interrogation. Scootaloo joins you, and the Cutie Mark Policemares are go! You remove the crayon from the spiral of the notebook and flip to a blank page.

"So, for the record, What is your name?"

He tries to keep a smile off his face, but you can just tell he thinks you are cute. You are not cute!

"My name is Anonymous."

You nod, and start scribbling. It's not like you could spell that, so you just draw his head, with a question mark over his face, because drawing faces is hard. You are very sure that drawing is not your special talent.

"And what were you doing at 10 o'clock outside Sofa and Quills?"

Scootaloo coughs

"3 o'clock, chief."

You blush.

"Right, 3 o'clock. Well?"

Anon leans back against the corner, sitting cross-legged on the pillow.

"I was waiting for my friends to find me, so we could play together."

You give him a flat look.

"For fifteen whole minutes? That's like, half of a cartoon show on TV."

Anon scratches his chin.

"Did I say fifteen minutes? Maybe it was an hour. Yeah, I think I was waiting an hour for my friends, outside that store."

Your mind reels at the shear amount of time he suffered through. An hour? That's two cartoon shows! Two! Regarderlesser, you write it down by drawing two TV's. Officer Bloom picks up the questioning in the meantime.

"And who were these friends you were waiting for?"

Anon beams.

"Their names are Bloom Apple, Aloo Scoot, and Belle Sweetie."

You start to draw three ponies, but then you realize what he said.

"That's us!"

Anon shakes his head.

"No, you're Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo. Totally different."

You scrunch pretty hard, and you can see your fellow officers scrunch too. But that just makes him smile. You are clearly dealing with a hardened criminal. Officer Aloo shakes her head.

"Nuh-uh! You just said our names all flipped around. You were totally waiting for us!"

Anon raises an eyebrow.

"What does the notebook say, did I say your names, or did I say somepony else's names?"

You clutch the notebook close to your chest, hiding the fact that you didn't write down anything like that.

"We're the ones asking the questions here, Anonymous. Were you waiting for us, and are we your friends?"

He gazes at you for a long moment, his face getting pretty serious.

"I was waiting for all of you, my friends."

You can't help but smile, along with your fellow officers.

"You're our friend too."

"Uh-huh!" "Yep!"

Anon wipes away an imaginary tear, his eyes twinkling.

"Then do you forgive me for loitering for an hour?"

You scrunch the heck up.

"I'm sorry Anon, but you broke the law, and we have to throw the book at you."

Officer Aloo raises her hoof and waves it eagerly.

"I'll get it!"

You nod to her.

"See that you do. We'll get Anon ready for his punishment."

Scootaloo sprints towards the bookcase, and pulls out a thick cardboard book. You nuzzle under Anon's arm and climb into his lap, Officer Bloom doing the same on the other side. Finally, Scootaloo tosses the book to Anon. He catches it in both hands, and she crawls underneath and sits in the middle of his lap. Anon lowers his arms and gets ready to read. The three of you wiggle a little to get comfy, then settle down as he starts talking.

"The Ursine Ursas and Being Polite to Store-owners. Brother Ursa wanted some candy, and..."

The setting sun shines warmly through the window. You smile fondly at the three fillies napping on your lap. They had an exciting day, patrolling the town, catching a well-known criminal, and carrying out justice. You carefully reach into Sweetie Belle's saddlebags and pluck out the notebook. You flip through the pages, chuckling at the earnest, yet unskilled drawings of townsponies and yourself. They might not be the heroes the town needs, but they are the ones the town deserves.