Artificial Assistance

by HopelessPotato

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 4624

Twilight develops an Artificial Intelligence, and asks her friends to teach her.

Twilight develops a spell to create an Artificial Intelligence to take the workload off of Spike, and she enlists the help of her friends to teach her. Although, experiments never go exactly as planned…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-09 08:17:50 UTC

Prologue: The Mother of Invention

Artificial Assistance

Prologue: Mother of Invention

Deep orange and bright yellow freckles dotted the earth's face, remnants from the annual running of the leaves and a sign that autumn was here. Summer had passed and all the fillies and colts were back in school, having their young minds molded into shining symbols of individuality. The crisp cool air billowed through the town of Ponyville at slightly faster speeds than normal, indicating a storm was on the rise. The weather team must have been hard at work scheduling this downpour. Soon the rain would fall and wash away the earth's freckles, leaving it's face smooth and unobscured.

A large metal rod protruded from the top of a large tree located near the center of town, protecting it from all manner of storms. Every few seconds a pulse of lavender energy rushed from top to bottom, fading as it went. This tree, or rather, this library was closed for the day. The librarian and habitant of said library-tree, Twilight Sparkle, stood in her basement before four of her friends, who were all waiting patiently for the fifth to arrive. Well, almost all of them were anyways.

"Can you just tell us what's going on Twilight?" Rainbow Dash questioned, "I'm supposed to be helping with the storm, my team's gonna wonder where I am, and-"

"This will only take a moment Dash, we can start once Rarity arrives" Twilight responded with curt politeness. The hovering Pegasus gave a small "hmph" and crossed her forelegs impatiently, her eyes glazed over the damp basement of Books and Branches, Twilight's home and workplace. Around the room were various bewildering instruments of mathematical, scientific and magical importance, the far corner was occupied by a desk with a few blueprint drawings strewn across it's surface. Leaning precariously on the leg of the desk were several poster tubes, which most likely housed blueprints, incomplete or otherwise. As if on cue the door to Twilight's basement was thrust open by an elegant but hurried mare, one who stopped at nothing to be on time, unless the fashion gods striked against her, which happened often enough.

"Finally!" Dash exclaimed, uncrossing her forelegs and gesturing forcefully in Rarity's direction. "Hurry up Rarity! I don't have all day you know."

"Yes, yes, Rainbow Dash, you're a very busy pony. We're all so proud of how good you are at napping."

Dash grumbled a bit more at Rarity's remark as Rarity fell in line with the rest of the ponies, tending to her mane, the ever-present late-maker. Pinkie Pie bounced up and down excitedly beside her, almost unable to contain her excitement. Twilight was amazed she even had the resolve in her to do so. With a quick visual scan of her line of friends, Twilight determined everypony was present. At long last, Rainbow Dash would have her wish, Twilight would finally explain why they had all gathered in the damp, musty basement of Books and Branches.

"Now that you're all here, there's somepony I'd like you to meet."

In a split second all eyes in the room became intensely focused on Twilight. Everypony's minds wandered wondering who Twilight could possibly introduce them to. Ponyville was a small enough town that everypony knew most everypony. Even if you didn't know everypony, somepony you knew had to know about the ponies you didn't know about! Could she be introducing us to her new Coltfriend? Rarity wondered.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie's excitement container reached full capacity and was forced to expunge all excitement.

"Oooh! Who could it be? Is it Doctor Hooves! No, I know! It's Colgate! It's Colgate isn't it?"

Twilight gave a slight chuckle at Pinkie's antics "No, Pinkie." Twilight said, crouching down, looking ready to pounce. "Everypony, I'd like you to meet Ezra." Twilight said, just before tightly closing her eyes and focusing all her energy on the tip of her horn. A bright flash of light emanated from a spot on the floor just between the group of confused ponies and the spell's brilliant caster. Pinkie stared at the bright light while Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow averted and shielded their gaze. After the light subsided a small, semi-transparent earth pony with a lavender coat and mane stood there on the ground, no more than six inches tall. Jagged vein-like lines criss crossed her entire body pulsing with magical energy every few seconds.

"Greetings, friends. Is there anything you require assistance with?" the small mare said with a gentle but intelligent voice.

"You don't have to be so formal right now, Ezra. We're more your friends than users." Twilight said, leaning down to Ezra's height. Ezra preformed a slight bow in Twilight's direction.

"My apologies Miss Sparkle. I will be less formal from now on."

"Just Twilight, is fine Ezra."

"As you wish." Ezra bowed once more as she said this.

All five of Twilight's guests craned their necks to look at Ezra from different angles. They had seen Twilight perform many spells, all of them grand and complicated. They had seen her conjure different things before too, but they never expected her to conjure a pony! The small mare baffled all five of them. After a minute of being awestruck and confounded, somepony finally spoke up.

"What in tarnation is it Twilight?"

"She," Twilight enunciated, "is an Artificial Intelligence spell I developed, or AI for short. Her name is Ezra."

"What does she do?" Rainbow asked, hovering around the space above all their heads, still trying to look at Ezra from all angles as if to confirm what she was seeing was indeed real, even if it stood before her and spoke, just like any other pony would.

"Basically she acts as the perfect assistant."

"What about Spike?" Rarity asked, the obvious question to Twilight's answer.

"Well, Spike is growing up and I want to take the workload off of him so he can actually have some fun every once in a while. That's why I developed Ezra!"

"What about Owlowiscious?" Rainbow asked, continuing the chain of obvious questions..

"Oh, he left for mating season. He probably has a family now." Fluttershy murmured, answering for Twilight.

"How does she work?" Pinkie asked, eager as always. Twilight cleared her throat and gestured at Ezra

"Basically she observes, analyzes and records actions preformed by ponies in order to learn about our behaviors and better assist us with everyday tasks."

"How? Rainbow Dash asked, inquisitively.

"Well, lot's of things. For instance, Ezra, what is 512 divided by 8 multiplied by 234 minus 39?" without a moment to spare Ezra offered her answer.

"Fourteen-thousand nine-hundred thirty-seven. "

"That's impressive." Rarity commented.

"I'd agree, but, there are different quirks and inconsistencies that need to be worked out, which is why I need a favor from all of you."

"What's that Twilight?" Pinkie asked. "Do you want us to throw her a welcome to Ponyville party? Oh! There could be cake, balloons-"

"No Pinkie, but that's very thoughtful of you." Twilight interrupted, causing Pinkie to slouch down a bit more once her enthusiastic sales pitch for a party was shot down. "Starting tomorrow, for the next week I'd like her to spend a day with each of you to learn different ponies mannerisms and to, most importantly, learn how to emulate the Elements of Harmony you all represent."

"I don't know Twilight, I mean what about when I'm working, she's an Earth Pony, she can't fly." Rainbow Dash added, worriedly.

"Ah, yes. What you're forgetting is she's also magic, which means she can levitate and teleport." To demonstrate, Ezra floated around the room, landing atop Twilight's head and sitting down on her hair.

"I don't see why not then, Twilight. It'd do wonders to have some help around the shop." Rarity agreed.

"Yeah! We'll help you with your crazy experiment Twilight!" Pinkie Pie appended.

"So then who gets her tomorrow?" Rainbow Dash questioned.

"I don't know, why don't we let Ezra decide. Ezra, if you could pick one of us at random please?"

Ezra raised a hoof and pointed at Rainbow Dash.

"Rainbow Dash." she stated.

"Why me?"

"My randomization algorithms pointed to you."

"Huh?" Dash puzzled.

"I chose you at random." Ezra reiterated.

"Alright, well whatever, I'll see you tomorrow Twi, I've got a storm to help with."

With that Rainbow Dash, well, dashed out of the basement and through the library's front door, leaving the four other ponies behind with Twilight. The four of them looked back and forth between Twilight and Ezra, still trying to comprehend everything Twilight had said. Their minds producing every possible question and immediately providing an answer, just waiting on one of the questions they couldn't answer themselves.

"Any questions girls?" Twilight asked.

The four of them stood for a moment, looking thoughtful. They all wondered if they actually did have any more questions about this AI thing Twilight had presented them with.

"Nopey lopey!" Pinkie Pie affirmed excitedly.

"None here, dear." Rarity established.

"No." Fluttershy added.

"Ah'm fine."

"Alright then, you should all get home before the storm starts. I'll be sure to let you know if your turn comes up after Dash's."

"Alright then, bye dear!" Rarity exclaimed, waving a hoof along with Applejack as she left the basement.

"See ya later, Twilight!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, bouncing along behind Rarity, out of the door.

"Bye." Fluttershy added quietly as she closed the door behind her.

First Day: Loyalty

Artificial Assistance

First Day: Loyalty

The streets of Ponyville, which would be bustling with ponies now that the storm had passed, was empty this early in the morning. The smell of petrichor filled the air and clouds hung low in the sky casting dark shadows on the ground giving a gloomy but refreshing feel to the town. A few Pegasus ponies wearing vests bearing the symbol of the Ponyville Weather Team walked in the same direction as Twilight, some flew overhead as well. As she plodded along she spied Blossomforth flying over head and gave a small wave. Blossomforth craned her neck over her shoulder and waved back, before turning her attention back to flying.

Before long Twilight spied the only other cloud building in Ponyville besides Dash's home, the Weather Team Headquarters. A small building, with the classic roman-esque architecture of cloud buildings, it served its purpose of monitoring and maintaining weather patterns over Ponyville, ensuring that crops weren't flooded, but were still properly watered. The weathervane stuck out at the top of the building, both literally and figuratively, it was the only part of the structure that wasn't made of clouds. Beneath the small cloud facility, under it's looming shadow, stood Rainbow Dash, up bright and early for work as usual.

A lot of ponies assumed Dash was just lazy, and that's why she was always seen napping on clouds, but the truth was that she had to get up before Celestia herself in order to meet with the other Weather Team Captains. Then, throughout the day, she was stationed up in the sky to monitor the weather, which is when she actually got her shuteye. Twilight Sparkle approached the polychromatic Pegasus, a semi-transparent mini-pony sitting quietly on her head, leaning on her horn.

"Hey Twilight! You're here to hand over Ezra right?"

"Yeah." Twilight answered as Ezra hopped from Twilight's head and landed on Rainbow Dash's back. "Alright, there's not much to know about keeping Ezra with you, just don't go more than 6 miles outside of Ponyville without me coming with you, that's as far as the spell can work away from the caster."

"Gotcha."

"Alright, I'm going back home to sleep. I never get up this early." Twilight yawned.

"See ya Twilight! I'll bring her back around 5 o' clock tonight!"

"Bye Rainbow."

Rainbow Dash looked over her shoulder to see the small AI construct sitting peacefully on her back. She stretched out her wings and gave them a small flap. "Hold on now, you don't wanna fall off." she said. Ezra gave a nod and went back to sitting peacefully. Rainbow Dash stared for a moment before speaking again. "Um... Ezra? You're not holding on." Ezra looked up at Rainbow Dash.

"I'm a spell, I've magically bound my form to yours, I can't fall off."

"Alright then." Rainbow Dash mused.

With a mighty flap of her wings and a jump from the ground, Rainbow took to the skies. She flew upwards at an incline to avoid the floor of the facility above her, and performed a half-loop, followed by a half-roll in order to turn herself around before landing on the cloud. After folding her wings she began to trot up to the entrance of the Weather Team Headquarters while wondering if Ezra could answer a question she had.

"Hey, Twilight told me what that maneuver I just did there was called before, Jimmyman or something?"

"Do you mean Immelmann?" Ezra offered, somewhat monotonously.

"Yeah, that's it. Thanks." Dash concluded

"You are most welcome Rainbow Dash."

Dash entered the main room of the headquarters, only to have her ears assaulted with a salvo of angry voices and concerned Pegasi. At the table, in the center of the room, the three other Weather Team captains: Thunderlane, Airheart, and Lightning Bolt were distressfully arguing over how to handle what could only be a catastrophic situation. Rainbow Dash approached the table where a map of the surrounding area was laid out. Thunderlane stomped his hoof on a location just southeast of Ponyville, about 4 miles out.

"We don't have time to get a large enough team out there! This thing is so big it could cause a windstorm that would knock over trees! We have to warn everypony, take down all the loose branches and secure the large trees to the ground; otherwise homes will be destroyed!"

"And I told you that we can get rid of this pressure system if we just send out one team! It can't be that large! There's no need to cause unnecessary panic in town!" Airheart boomed.

Lightning Bolt chimed in. "I think if we just sent Cloud Chaser's team out there we could handle it!"

"Exactly! At least somepony agrees with me!" Airheart blurted.

"And I'm telling you, I was there, I felt this thing! It was massive! We don't have enough wingpower to handle this!" Thunderlane protested, he turned to Dash taking it upon himself to get her involved, now that she was present. "You believe me right Dash?"

Rainbow Dash looked at the group of Captains, and then looked directly at Thunderlane. He looked absolutely distressed. She'd never seen him this worried before. Airheart and Lightning Bolt both had no idea how good Thunderlane was at sensing pressure systems. After all, they were both new, straight outta Cloudsdale. Rainbow Dash turned to face Airheart and Lightning Bolt.

"Look, Thunderlane is really good at sensing pressure system, if he thinks that this pressure system is too big for us to handle, I'd believe him."

"It can't be that bad though!" Lightning Bolt exclaimed. "Control and Management said there wouldn't be anything this bad for months! They'd send somepony for something that bad!"

"Control and Management can't always be right." Rainbow Dash chided.

"If I may interject." Ezra spoke.

"Who said that?" Airheart inquired.

Ezra jumped onto Rainbow Dash's head. "I did, ma'am."

"What is that!" Lightning Bolt exclaimed, jumping back a bit in surprise. Rainbow Dash's pupils swiveled upwards to try to see Ezra on her head. She couldn't see her, not that she was expecting to, though. Her view moved back down to observe the three shocked ponies who didn't even notice the small mare on her back until now.

"It's something Twilight wants my help with, she wants to let her accompany me around for today in order to help her learn."

"Anyway, moving on. About your problem with the weather. I could go out to that location and tell you how large the pressure system is and calculate damages based on Ponyville's structure and pressure as well as the minimum wingpower required to neutralize the pressure system."

"Really?" Thunderlane marveled. "That would be great! Then we would know exactly what to do!"

"I'm not sure, can that thing-" Airheart started to worry.

"Ezra." Rainbow Dash corrected.

"Can Ezra really do that?"

"I don't doubt Twilight or Ezra for a second."

Is this what Twilight was talking about? Such loyalty...

"Get to it, little girl."

"Yes, ma'am." Ezra responded.

A bright flash of light filled the room. Everypony averted their eyes in order to keep from going blind. After it was safe to look around, Ezra was gone. Everypony looked around the room for a moment, wondering if their decision to send Ezra out was the right one or not. Airheart opened her mouth to ask Rainbow Dash a question.

"When will she be-"

Before Airheart could even finish her sentence the bright light returned. After it subsided, everypony turned to face the A.I. sitting atop Rainbow Dash's head. Ezra shook herself dry, small droplets of water wetting her teacher's hair. After she was dry, Ezra kneeled down and took a seat on Rainbow's head once more.

"If left unchecked the pressure system currently in question will merge with the low pressure system surrounding Ponyville and cause damage to 1.4% of the buildings in Ponyville, provided the town does not prepare for a storm. The required wingpower to neutrailize this pressure system is one-hundred and fourteen point one-six-five-nine. The average wingpower of a Pegasus is 9.3, meaning you need an approximate minimum of thirteen Pegasi to handle this system."

"Oh my Celestia, that is incredible." Thunderlane commented.

"We can manage that, no problem." Lightning Bolt added before turning to the intercom system. "Teams Three and Four scramble immediately. Neutralize a high pressure system to the southeast."

"See, Thunderlane, you we're over reacting." Airheart mocked.

"Actually, Thunderlane had an appropriate reaction." Ezra contradicted. "Based on the amount of time it takes to travel between here and the current location of the pressure system and the earliest time a Pegasus on staff here starts their shift, Thunderlane would of  encountered that pressure system while it was two miles farther out than it is now. On it's way to it's current location it passed through another low pressure system. Beforehand, had it collided with Ponyville's low-pressure it would of demolished 2.7% of buildings in Ponyville, while damaging over 50% of them. It would of required a wingpower of six-hundred thirty-four point six-five-three-seven to neutralize it, a number unachievable with the amount of staff here."

Airheart stood with her mouth agape while Thunderlane simply smiled at Ezra. Rainbow Dash walked around Thunderlane, in order to leave the two Captains alone so that Thunderlane could begin to rub his victory in Airheart's face. Dash prepared to clear the sky with the rest of her team, which was their daily responsibility. As she exited the room and began to walk towards the locker room, she spoke to Ezra.

"That was some stuff, Ezra. We could use you around here more often."

"I am glad I could be of service Rainbow Dash." Ezra remarked

Rainbow Dash entered the room to see the rest of her team ready to go. Approaching her locker she swiftly input the combination and swung the door open. She took the goggles out and hung them around her neck while she slid the vest on. After the vest was secure, she slid the goggles over her face and turned to face her team.

"Ready to go, Dash?" Milky Way asked.

"Nah, I'd rather be sleeping, but hey, you do what you gotta do."

"Heh, me too. We don't have watch today, so we can sleep as soon as we get our job done."

"I think I'll do just that afterwards." Rainbow Dash finished.

Rainbow Dash awoke from her nap around one o' clock. Ezra didn't need to sleep, so she took it upon herself to read the Daring Do books which Rainbow Dash was so fond of in order to learn more about her. Of course, she could of finished them all in about five minutes, but she chose to read at a more normal pace in order to pass time. As her eyes opened to the bright light of the sun creeping in through her open blinds, Rainbow Dash rolled over in her cloud bed.

"Mmnnn... Five more minutes..." she said to herself.

Dash's eyes opened once more and as her view came into focus she realized the clock read 2:53. She rolled over in bed and took a deep breath before sitting up quickly and climbing out of bed. She trotted into her bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her mane was matted and tangled. She fumbled with her hair brush for a moment before using it to straighten out her hair. After it was straightened and no longer tangled, she shook her head to give it that free flowing look it always had. Dash's stomach produced a low growl, threateningly informing it's owner of it's need for food.

"Maybe I should get some lunch..." Dash thought aloud.

Walking down the stairs into her living room she grabbed her saddle bag off of the counter and slung it on her back. Ezra was laying on her sofa, a Daring Do novel propped up against the arm, a page was turned with a lavender magical aura. Dash walked up to the couch. Noticing the sudden shadow looming over her and the varying colors in her peripheral vision, Ezra turned to face Dash.

"I'm going to go get some lunch."

"Then I will accompany you." Ezra said, closing the book with Twilight's magic and taking a large leap over Dash's head and onto her back. Rainbow Dash grabbed her coin purse and threw it in her saddle bags. After stepping out of her front door, and shutting it with her hind legs, she took a leap into the air and flew off into town.

A certain cyan Pegasus folded her wings after she touched down in the marketplace. Spying a food stand she decided to give it her patronage. She rummaged around in her bag and produced 3 bits and set them on the counter, the salespony scooped them up and hoofed her a Blueberry, Lettuce, and Tomato wrap. She walked, holding the food in her mouth, to where Applejacks apple stand always was. Ezra jumped off of Rainbow's back as she took a seat under a tree just behind Applejack's stand. Rainbow held the wrap in between two hooves, as she spoke to AJ.

"Hey AJ, what's up?" Rainbow Dash chimed before she took a large chunk out of the BLT.

"Same as always Rainbow, selling apples on the market. Business ain't too slow today though, I'll be heading home soon."

"s'good" Dash said, through a mouth full of food.

Dash ate quietly under the shade of the tree, savoring every bite. She hadn't eaten since two in the A.M. Ezra sat quietly next to her as Applejack tended to one sale after another in quick succession, bringing her down to her last two-dozen apples. Rainbow Dash bought one after she finished her BLT and began to munch on that. Another pony approached and purchased a single apple, however, Ezra observed him swiping two more into his bags while he paid Applejack. Before he could get more than three feet away, Ezra spoke up.

"Applejack, that stallion just swiped two more apples than he paid for."

Applejack leaned over her stall and looked at the bins of apples. Indeed, two more were gone. When she looked up all she saw was the stallion rounding the corner of a building.

"Shoot! Rainbow, watch the stall while I chase this fella." Applejack barked, just before she galloped off after the thief.

"Sure thing, AJ!" Rainbow took a bite out of her apple. "Good eye you have there Ezra."

"It's my job to observe my surroundings." Ezra replied.

"Well, you do a great job of it." Rainbow praised. "Most ponies would just ignore that kinda thing if it happened. They wouldn't want to get involved. I think you've already learned a lesson in loyalty."

"If you say so."

After about thirty more minutes, Applejack returned, two apples hanging from her mouth by the stem. Rainbow stood up and brushed her legs off, first her forelegs, then her hindlegs.

"So I take it you got the situation sorted out?" Rainbow asked.

"Yeah, the Sheriff's got that thief now." Applejack answered, after dropping the apples back in the bin. "Thanks Ezra, I wouldn't of had the slightest idea if'n you hadn't told me what he did."

"Not a problem, Applejack." Ezra answered, as humble and blunt as ever.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash chatted for a while, as Applejack sold the last of her wares. Rainbow Dash recounted the weather emergency this morning, and mentioned how much of a help Ezra was.

"Well, seems like you'll be a might help around the farm Ezra." Applejack said. "Can't wait to have yer company."

"I look forward to it as well, Applejack."

Rainbow Dash mulled around the rest of the day. Talking with ponies she knew, paying Pinkie Pie a visit. Before long it was nearing five o' clock. On her way home she stopped by Twilight's in order to drop of Ezra. She recounted the important parts of her day to Twilight and mentioned how Ezra already seems to have learned how to be loyal.

"Well that is reasonable. Loyalty is an easy thing to pick up. Especially for something so programmed and logical as an A.I. construct." Twilight commented.

"Well, I'm glad Ezra was with me today. Both Applejack and I would of had problems today if she hadn't been around." Rainbow declared.

"Alright, well I'm going to dispel Ezra now. But before I do, Ezra, could you pick another one of my friends at random please?" Twilight asked. There was a short pause before Ezra blurted out her result.

"Pinkie Pie."

"Alright then. Rainbow Dash, could you let her know on your way home please?"

"Sure thing, Twilight."

Twilight turned from Rainbow Dash and touched her horn to Ezra's forehead. Ezra faded and flickered before disappearing. Twilight gave a sigh.

"Wow, it feels like a hundred pound weight was just lifted off my back."

"That tiring, huh?" Rainbow questioned.

"Well yeah, but not in a normal way. It's hard to describe to Pegasi or Earth Ponies."

"Are you okay with doing this everyday?"

"Oh of course! It just gets harder the longer it goes, that's why I've gotta dispel Ezra at night. I couldn't do it every day forever though, all the magical stress would pile up eventually and I would pass out." Twilight answered.

"Alright, well don't put too much of a strain on your abilities. I've always thought of magic like a muscle, it could tear if you overuse it too much."

Twilight gave a slight chuckle. "I'll be careful, Dash."

With that, Rainbow Dash walked out of Books and Branches and took to the skies, stopping by Sugarcube Corner to let Pinkie Pie know of her company for tomorrow. She could still hear Pinkie's voice in her head as she glided home.

"Whoopie! It'll be so super-duper awesome-sauce'em to have somepony around to help me. I mean, sure Mr. and Mrs. Cake do a lot of work around hear but ever since they had Pound and Pumpkin it's been super hard around here. Oh! And we could even have a slumber party after work! There'llbecupcakesandpunchandwecouldtellscarystoriesandhavepillow

fightsandplaymyfavortistoffavortistgameslike-"

It went on forever. Dash was surprised she made it out without a headache. She hoped A.I. couldn't get headaches.