The Moon Is Not Made Out Of Cheese!

by Twilight Glimmer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1130

The day Luna learned why Celestia dislikes Knit Wit so much.

Knit Wit is back from his beach vacation (with a sunburn), and he's hungry.

For a cheese sandwich.

Specifically, a MOON cheese sandwich.

Time to go to Night Court!

Published 2019-03-22 00:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-22 00:10:01 UTC

Where's My Sandwich?

The stars shimmered in the evening sky as Luna began Night Court. Unlike Day Court, where ponies talked about political issues and things like that in front of a large crowd, Night Court was more personal. There was no audience, and ponies came in one at a time to talk about personal issues they were having. On some nights, Luna went into the dreams of others to make sure that the ponies who were too shy (or couldn't make the trip) to come to her were helped with their problems as well.

Luna sat down in her chair and waited for the first pony. A red stallion walked in. At first, she thought he was wearing some kind of white sunglasses, it turned out, his white fur had been sunburned.

“Good evening. What is the issue that plagues your mind tonight?”

Right after Luna said this, she heard the stallion’s stomach growl. “Can I fix you something to eat?” She asked. Sometimes conversation was easier if the troubled pony was eating.

“Oh, yes, please, your majesty! I skipped lunch and dinner just so I could come down here and have a moon cheese sandwich.”

“Yes, a moon cheese sandwich coming righ-, I'm sorry, what did you say?”

“Please make me a moon cheese sandwich, Princess. I'm willing to pay ahead of time, if that's what you're waiting for.”

“And how do you make this ‘moon cheese sandwich’?”

“Go to the moon, get some cheese, come back, and put the cheese in between 2 pieces of bread.”

“Well, I was on the moon for a millennium, and I can assure you there was no cheese to be found.”

“So you didn't eat cheese from the moon?”

Luna was starting to get worried. “Are you suggesting that the moon is made of cheese?”

“I'm not suggesting, I know for a fact that the moon is made out of cheese.”

Now Luna was really worried. “Could you please tell me your name?”

“It’s Knit Wit, your majesty.”

”Buck”, thought Luna. She had heard about a stallion coming to Day Court to ask Celestia to extinguish the sun. Luna would have asked Celestia about it, but her older sister was so hung over that the Solar Branch of the Equestrian government had been down all day. She figured that if the experience traumatized Celestia so much that she got herself so drunk that she couldn't run her country, it was probably a bad idea to ask about it so soon.

“Where did you get the false idea that the moon is a processed dairy item?”

“Discord told me! He said that if you eat moon cheese, you'll become an alicorn and you will be able to raise the moon in the morning, and the sun at night. I had thought that it was the sun that came up in the morning and the moon that came up at night, but, other than Derpy, Discord is the smartest guy I know, and he would never give me false information.”

“I see, do you, by any chance, have a learning disorder?”

“Nope, but my doctor said that I have an IQ score of 30, and he said that means only 30 ponies are smarter than me!”

...

“Princess Luna, are you alright? Your eye is doing a wierd twitchy thing. Do you understand what I’m saying? Wait, you must be 1 of the 30 ponies that’s dumber than me. Wow, if I’m smarter than one of the princesses, then I must be the smarterest pony that ever lived!”

”I wonder if being this stupid is a crime”, thought Luna. ”If it is, then he will be getting a life sentence!”

“No, Knit Wit. I perfectly understood what you said. Do you know what this doctor’s name is?”

Knit Wit tilted his head to the side. “I’m not too sure, I met him at the candy store, and he had this necklace with a big circle on it, so I figured he must be a doctor.”

“Was his ‘necklace’ made out of candy?”

“Yes, it was. Doctors have to eat too, you know.”

Luna’s eye began to twitch again. She had helped a lot of ponies since she returned, and not all of them were geniuses, but not a single pony she had ever helped before this was this stupid. She tried to think of a way out of her current situation. Unfortunately, most of the ideas she had resulted in a funeral. “Maybe I should ask Celestia to make stupidity a crime. From what I’ve heard, it’d make her life a lot easier,” she thought.

“Um, Princess Luna, I don’t mean to be rude, but I still haven’t gotten my sandwich.”

Then, Luna finally got an idea. “Don’t you know that it’s moon cheese preservation month?”

“Moon cheese preservation month?”

“Yes, the month before the Summer Sun Celebration is dedicated to preserving all the cheese on the moon. Nopony is allowed to harvest moon cheese until the day after the celebration.”

“Discord didn’t tell me that.”

“But it is true! There is no reason to believe that anything that I just said is false. Now that you have the answer to your question, you may leave. I have other ponies to assist, you know.”

“Guess I can’t have my moon cheese sandwich. I do have one other thing to ask before I leave.”

Luna internally groaned. “What is it?”

“There’s a full moon tomorrow, right?”

“Yes.” Luna had a bad feeling about this.

“As much as I appreciate the moon, when it’s full, the moonlight is so bright that I can’t sleep. Would you mind extinguishing the moon just for tomorrow night so I can sleep?”

“Sleep! That’s it! Luna thought. She cast a sleeping spell on the less-than competent stallion and waited for him to drift peacefully off to sleep. Then she teleported him to a guest room. She didn’t know where he lived and she wasn’t waking him up to find out.

“Did he really just ask me to extinguish the moon?” she thought.

The next morning, Celestia was over her hangover and having breakfast with her sister.

“Celestia, we need to talk.”

“About what, Lulu?”

“I’m sick of having to solve other ponies problems. I’m getting too old for this!”

“First off, you took a milenium long vacation and secondly, I have to deal with just as many ponies, and I’m older than you are.”

“We still need to take control of our lives.”

“And how are we going to do that?”

“Let’s retire!”

Author's Note

I hope you guys liked the sequel! I’m thinking about having 2 more!
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