Day of the Fanboy

by Jay David

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Self Insert, Shining Armor, Random, Discord
Length: 2084

Discord gives his power to a rather poor choice of human

Discord, in an effort to spice up his day with some excitement, decides to create some randomness by temporarily giving his powers to someone else. And who does he choose? Why, a random human from another dimension of course.

Turns out, this wasn't the smartest decision he's ever made.

Published 2019-03-20 13:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-20 13:40:01 UTC

Day of the Fanboy

The first thing Jay noticed was that it was no longer as dark as it was a few moments ago. In fact, he now appeared to be right in the middle of a bright and sunny day, which was naturally odd to him, given that he had only just sat down at his computer in a as-yet unlit room. But as he glanced around, taking in the blue skies, cool breeze and general outdoorsiness of his current predicament, he had but one thing to say.

"...Huh."

But his contemplation of the situation was interrupted by a sudden flashing to his side, causing him to look up at a rather amused-looking Draconequus.

"...Hi?" the human enquired.

Discord merely stroked his beard with deep thought, looking the human over before giving a sly nod.

"Yes, you'll most definitely do."

Jay blinked.

"Okay...who, what, where, when and why?"

Discord shrugged.

"Discord. Draconequus. World of ponies. About lunchtime. Because I said so."

Jay, who now realised that he'd been in his about-to-sit-at-his-computer stance for a solid minute, finally stood upright before again glancing around. Sure enough, he was right in the middle of Ponyville, with every single background character from his favourite show walking by. They didn't seem that bothered by his presence though, but then again, given all the weirdness this place had seen, something like a human popping in probably wouldn't even raise an eyebrow. Having taken all this in, and with exceptional calm I might add, Jay turned again to Discord.

"I say again...why?"

The Lord of Chaos rolled his eyes.

"Well, I decided that I wanted to shake things up today. Do something different. And then I thought, hey, why not see what someone else does with the powers of chaos. So, I figured I'd pull a random human, in this case you, here and give you all my powers for a while. Well...almost all my powers. I'll still keep the right to take them back afterwards. For security reasons, you'll understand."

He grinned at Jay.

"Oh, what a fun day this will be, am I right?"

Jay thought on that, then folded his arms.

"That sounds like an awfully convoluted way of getting some fun."

Discord shrugged again.

"Hey, don't look at me, you're the one who wrote it."

Jay blinked.

"...Pardon?"

Realising what he'd said, Discord started to look just the tiniest bit embarrassed.

"Ah, oops. Sorry, not quite yet. Anyways..."

With a snap of his fingers, there was a flash, and when it died down, everything around them looked more of less as it had done before, save for Jay looking around with that same confused look on his face.

"Did...did you do it?"

Discord chuckled, nodding shortly afterwards.

"Yep. Go ahead. Snap."

Here, it was Jay's turn to look embarrassed.

"I, er...I can't snap."

Discord stared at him blank-faced, then smirked.

"Excuse me?"

Jay grumbled.

"Snapping my fingers, I...I never learned how to do it."

Discord stifled a snort, then spoke at least somewhat softer to him.

"Well, if nothing else, at least we know you can be trusted if we ever need anyone to look after any Gauntlets in the near future."

Jay frowned.

"This whole situation is getting weird enough as it is, Discord. We don't need references too!"

Discord huffed.

"Pfft! You're no fun! Although..."

His smirk returned.

"...you don't have to snap to use my powers. You can do other stuff too, like...well...clapping your hands, perhaps?"

Jay considered that, looking down to his open palms. He thought long and hard for a moment, then brought his hands together in a single clap. Like with Discord, this motion caused a flash of light, and as it faded, Discord looked around eagerly to see what changes had been made. To his dismay though, he found that Ponyville and every pony within it seemed exactly as it did before, causing no end of disappointment in him as he looked back to Jay.

"Did...did you actually do anything?"

Jay sighed, then looked to his left hand. He raised it, brought his thumbs and forefinger together, before giving a quick, and loud, snap. His face lit up, and he punched the air with a sense of victory.

"Yes! Haha! I did it! I can finally do it!"

Discord stared at the human, completely at a loss.

"...I give you the powers of chaos...the powers of a God...to be able to remake the universe and all that lies within it...and the first thing you do upon receiving this sheer omnipotence...is give yourself the ability to snap your fingers?"

Jay pointed a finger at him angrily.

"Hey! If you'd spent your whole life unable to do it, you'd have that be your first choice too!"

Discord slapped his head in frustration.

"You know...I was expecting something a touch more exciting. Maybe shake things up with the weather, or make some horrific monster?"

Jay thought on that, then smiled again.

"You're right, I should do something more with this power."

Discord's smile returned.

"There we go! What's the plan?"

With his newfound power to snap, Jay created another flash, and at first, nothing seemed to have changed. But then Discord looked up, and saw that, where once there had been a few stray clouds about, now it was nothing but clear blue from horizon to horizon. Frowning, he looked back to Jay, who, after a moment of pride, explained himself.

"Didn't want to run the risk of it raining later, so I thought I'd clean the sky up a bit."

Discord's sense of joy completely melted from his face.

"Words cannot adequately describe my sense of pure disappointment right now, Jay."

But Jay was undeterred by this remark, keeping his smile while looking around.

"Okay, what else can I do?"

His smiled widened, and he again snapped his fingers. But, as was the pattern by now, there appeared to be no discernible change as Discord once more glanced about. With a frown, he eyed Jay, folding his arms and awaiting an explanation as to what had just happened. Jay, for his part, was more than happy to provide one.

"I've just made it so that doors don't squeak when you open and close them."

Discord's expression remained unchanged.

"...Why?"

Jay looked to him like that was the most ridiculous question in the world.

"Why? Isn't it obvious? Now, whenever someone has to go to the toilet in the middle of the night, they won't risk waking anyone else up in the house when they open their bedroom doors."

A vein started throbbing on the side of Discord's head, prompting Jay to raise his hand.

"Alright then, how about this?"

Another snap, and again no change, though Jay continued to look satisfied with what he'd done.

"Now, whenever someone has to get little coins out of their wallets and purses, they won't slip up and accidentally drop a whole load of them on the shop floor. Nope, those little guys are staying right where they need to be."

Discord's vein throbbed harder, and Jay snapped again.

"Alrighty then, how about this? Now, whenever someone needs to rip off a piece from a roll of paper towels, they actually take off the whole square instead of the little corner their thumb and forefinger were on? Huh?...Huh?"

Here, Discord snapped, and he grabbed Jay by his shirt, brought him right up to his face and screamed loudly.

"YOU ARE THE MOST BORING GOD OF CHAOS EVER!!!"

But Jay apparently took offence at that.

"Hey! I'll have you know, I could do lots of exciting random stuff!"

Discord paused here, allowing a moment to let his anger cool, and after taking a deep breath he returned to his earlier smirk.

"Oh yeah? Maybe a little...shipping action?"

To that, Jay started to look a little bit embarrassed, breaking eye contact with the Draconequus.

"Er, what? Shipping? What's that? I've never heard of it. What makes you think I'm into shipping?"

Discord's eyebrow arched as his as it would go.

"Because I've read your browser history."

"...Okay, maybe I know a little bit about it."

Discord grunted, finally releasing Jay, and after quickly brushing himself off, he spoke calmly to the human.

"Don't you, oh, I don't know, want to use your infinite power to make some ship happen right in front of your eyes? You know, take two ponies you like and enjoy seeing together? Maybe put them in a saucy or cute moment?"

Jay tapped his chin, pondering that, before slowly nodding.

"Yes...I could do that, couldn't I?"

Discord grinned.

"Alright! Now we're getting somewhere!"

Smirking himself, Jay raised his hand and gave an almighty snap. There was a blinding flash of light, and this time, there was a noticeable difference. There, not ten feet away from them, was what looked like a fancy dinner table, as well as two ponies sitting on opposite ends of it. Discord, at first, was gleeful at this arrangement, until he noticed which ponies were there. It was none other than Princess Cadance and Shining Armor, who were currently staring lovingly into each others' eyes.

"Oh, Cadance, my one true love. My life has never been happier as it has been since the day we married."

Cadance blushed, raising a hoof and gently patting the side of her husband's face.

"I feel the same, Shiny. We've had ups and downs in our life since then, but I wouldn't have changed a moment of it."

Discord blinked disbelievingly, then glanced down to Jay, who was doing his uttermost to contain what had to be the mother of all squees right now at this lovely sight. Discord looked to him, then back to the two lovers nearby, and back and forth before finally settling on the human.

"...What is this?"

Jay looked to him.

"Pardon?"

Discord pointed to the couple.

"That! Wha...what is Tartarus is that?!"

Jay began to look confused again.

"What? I love this ship! Don't they look cute as heck together?"

Discord slapped his own face with frustration.

"You idiot! I said to ship somepony! You know, like putting Rainbow and Applejack together? Married couples don't count!"

Jay looked outright offended at that.

"Hey! Married couples totally count as legit ships!"

"Do not!" Discord countered.

"Do too!" Jay countered back.

This continued for some time, all while Shining and Cadance continued to ignore the two and just enjoy being with each other. After a solid minute though, Discord gave up, groaning with pure irritation.

"Ugh! I bet you'd even arrange a dinner date for friggin' Mr and Mrs Cake, wouldn't you?!"

But Jay was only a moment away from another snap before stopping himself after hearing those words.

"So...you don't want me to do that?"

Discord's eye twitched, and he took in a deep breath, exhaling in a manner that very clearly suggested that he was just plain old done with this.

"...That's it. I quit. You try to do something fun and random and all you get is this?! Pfft!"

He snapped his own fingers, and there was yet another flash. Jay, after realising what had happened, looked down to his left hand and attempted a snap of his own. But, alas, there was no snap, and as he looked up, he didn't even try to hide his disappointment at that.

"Awww!"

Discord, now thoroughly done with this guy, poked him square in the chest.

"You, good Sir, made chaos look dull. Dull, I say! Truly there is no greater crime in this world. Away with you, human!"

But Jay, having apparently gotten over his disappointment at having soundless fingers again, simply shrugged.

"Well...at least I know what I'm writing when I get back."

Discord' scowl deepened.

"Just...go."

Another snap, and after the final flash of the day, Jay was gone. Did he get sent back to where he came from? Discord didn't really care if he did or not, he was just happy he was out of his hair. He snorted angrily at this colossal drain on his enthusiasm, then remembered that he was not alone in the square today. Cadance and Shining were still close by, and as he looked them over, seeing their romantic get-together, he gave a quick shrug.

"You know...they actually are pretty cute together. Meh, I'll give them five more minutes."

He paused for a moment, then conjured a paper and pen into his hands, with which he began to write.

"Note to self...give Pinkie my powers next time."