But You Still Try To Save Me...
Darkness...
That's all I can see...
My body floats through the cold abyss.
I can see a faint spark of light appear coming toward me. I try to get away as it grows closer.
I feel a soft mattress underneath me with a fluffy pillow. A warm blanket layed on top of me. I heard birds singing outside.
I open my eyes, finding myself i8n a hospital room.
I turn to my side, finding "get well soon" cards along with flowers and stuffed animals. I only glared to myself as I pull the blanket over my head, silently sobbing to myself.
Suddenly, I heard snoring.
I turn around, finding my friend, Flame Flare, an orange dragon asleep in a chair, holding a book of Daring Do in her claw. She must have fallen asleep reading to me.
I rolled onto my side, crying out in pain, waking up my shy dragon friend. I just turned around, ignoring her.
"Script...?| she mumbled.
"...go...away..." I mutter pulling the blanket over my head.
"Script, I...I can't..."
I continued to ignore her until she gave up and left me alone with my thoughts.
Once she was gone, I picked up some of the notes from my friends to read them as my tears filled my eyes. I threw them across the room sobbing.
"...I should have stabbed myself deeper..." I thought to myself as I stared at the scars on my hooves.
there was a knock on my door. My response was to ignore and hide under the blanket.
They deserve better than me...I was never able to listen to them anyway, so I was doing them a favor... They wouldn't want someone who won't listen to them around...
"Script...?"
I looked at the door, finding a group of my friends there with gifts in their grasp. I turned away as they walked in.
"...please...go away..." I whimper.
I felt Flare put a claw over my shoulder. I refused to look at her in the eye.
"You all know... I've stopped caring..."
I felt Blood Moon pull my chin up, forcing me to look at her in the eye.
"Look at me, and say that to my face..." she uttered with her voice shaking slightly.
I stared at her with my dull eyes, showing no emotion as a slow tear rolled down my face.
"I've stopped caring..." I mutter. "What's the point...? I know you want to help, but I can't get myself to accept your help...so I'm doing you all a favor."
Blood Moon tried to comfort me, but I just turned away.
"...well...too bad, we're not going anywhere whether you like it or not." Fire Bloom said.
"...you...don't understand...you never will..." I whimper.
"But we can try," Radioflash said as he gently began stroking my mane.
"...please...I want to be alone..."
"Do you want to be taken away??" Lotus burst out.
"Lotus," Ellie said. "Please, calm-"
"Do you want to never see us again, because that's what will happen if you keep this up!"
"Lotus, please!"
"S...sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you like that..." Lotus mumbled.
"...it's...fine..." I muttered softly.
"We just don't want to lose you, Script..." Ellie said.
"...what's the point if I can't figure out what's wrong...? I'm sick of needing so much help..."
"But it's okay to ask for help."Fire Blood said.
"Constantly? Causing others to grow sick and tired of you...? They don't want me around anymore..."
"Who cares what others think about you, we still care," Lotus said.
"You would just give up on me eventually...they all do...I'm just a lost cause..."
"No, you're not."
"You're special."
"I'm nothing but a bucking screw up!"
My friends seemed taken aback by my outburst, they had never seen me use such language before. I turned around as my ears drooped back.
"Please, leave me... I don't want to hurt you too..." I say as I pull the blanket over me.
I felt all of my friends surrounding me, pulling me into an embrace.
Author's Note
.....
I'm loved, cared for by many. I have a good life, and wouldn't trade it for anyone else. I have wonderful friends that nopony would trade for anything.
But you don't see the darker sides of me...
I can't take the voices anymore, screaming in my ears constantly...telling me dark things to do to myself, and to others...
The flashing memories of the day I want to forget, it haunts my dreams... I don't know what was real, and what's a nightmare... I don't let anyone see me when I'm vulnerable, but they do anyway because of how weak I am...
Constantly needing help, and find I can't get myself to accept it...even though I want to... I just can't get myself to trust anyone anymore...
I'm so tired of not being able to talk about the true problem that I can't find the words for...getting frustrated when I try to explain and just end up making something worse...
So what's the point...?
Here I am now, locked away in my bedroom holding a knife in my hoof, ready to stab myself. I ignore my friends trying to save me outside my door, I knew I shouldn't have left a note to them, I should have hidden it with me when they found my dead body, but it doesn't matter now...
I press the blade against my chest, feeling it slowly impale me. I gasped in pain as I let out a slow scream, watching it slowly go through my body, my screams growing louder.
I heard a banging at my door as my head grows fuzzy.
"SCRIPT, JUST HANG ON!" My friends yell through the door.
I slowly removed the blade as I struggled to breathe.
"You...deserve...better...than...me..." I coughed as my head grew dizzy.
"JUST HOLD ON, WE'RE COMING!"
I felt my whole body shudder as I collapsed to the floor.
"Oh, Luna, she fainted!"
"...so...cold..."
"STAY WITH US!"
"Somepony get the bucking door open!"
"We're trying!"
"Move, horse apples!"
I felt my eyes close as I heard my friends bucking my door down, the darkness taking me. My friends shouting over one another, still trying to save me, but it was hopeless...
I lay in my bed just staring at the wall with the covers over my head and the curtain over the window as I let myself sob uncontrollably. My mane is a mess and my eyes are red and puffy, I can hardly find the strength to breathe as I sniff through my nose. My food is placed on a table beside me, going cold. I refuse to eat anything at all, and I never will. I feel my body collapsing in on itself as my hunger overwhelms me mixed with my exhaustion. I refuse to even sleep, I've given up on anything that involves trying to live. I've even tried to stop breathing a few times...
I hear the door open as a nurse walks in taking my tray and replacing it with fresh food. I only stare at the wall as she looks at me. I showed no reaction to her entrance. After a moment, I hear her trot out of the room.
I overheard her talking to my friends outside the door.
"Is she alright? Any better today?" Flame Flare asked.
"No," The nurse shook her head. "She refuses to eat or hardly do anything..."
Ellie let out a sigh. "Looks like we're gonna have to do this the hard way..." she said in a soft mutter. "I hate to force her, but..."
"...what choice do we have...?"
"I can give you the information of where to go, but there's only so much that we can do for her...she has to accept the help she deserves."
"It's for the best, Ellie." Fire Bloom said, putting a hoof on her shoulder.
"If we want her to get better, we have to do this for her." Radio added.
More medication and doctors...? Heh, like that would work at all... If it did, I wouldn't be like this... I think to myself. Nothing will ever help me ever again...
As I felt my body grow weak with exhaustion, I felt a cold wave flow through me as I fell into unconsciousness and darkness.
Author's Note
....thinking of doing a sequel after this......
