The Canterlot Tea Party

by Salty Alty

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Other, Prince Blueblood, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna
Length: 1476

A most heinous crime has been committed. Justice will be... Delicious.

A most heinous crime has been committed in Canterlot.

Justice will be...

Delicious.

Cover art by Granzon on Derpibooru! https://www.derpibooru.org/216170?q=safe

Published 2019-03-24 20:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-24 20:30:02 UTC

A Spoonful of Sugar

Celestia sipped at her tea calmly, her eyes closed in quiet contemplation. The air was clean and crisp, and the curtains cast a dim light across the dining hall. The crickets slowly ceased in their symphony as Luna's moon retreated beyond the horizon. All of it blended together in harmony, and that was just the way she liked it.

Celestia longed for days such as this, when the skies were clear and her city lay calm and peaceful beneath the rising sun. No would-be conquerors, no monster attacks... Just peaceful silence as she awaited the arrival of her slice of cake from the kitchens. She levitated a few sugar cubes from a small jar in the center of the table, dropping them into her tea and mixing them into the tea with her spoon.

She heard a cough from across the table. Opening her eyes, she saw Luna glaring at her own cup of tea, her brow furrowed and her lips curled downwards into a slight frown. "What's wrong Lulu? Is there something wrong with your tea?" She asked, her voice betraying a slight hint of concern.

Luna snorted, her ear flicking off to the side. "Yes, Sister. This isn't the usual blend. And they didn't bring the creamer in like I had asked... Do you think that the maid perhaps fell down the stairs? Ms. Duster is usually very good about these things."

Celestia nodded and shrugged, pouring more tea into her cup. "I'm not sure Luna. Whatever it is, I'm sure that everything is perfectly fine."

The two sat in silence for what felt like an eternity before Luna spoke once more. "Celestia. I think this is co-" She was cut off by the door suddenly slamming open, Celestia's secretary rushing into the room.

"My apologies your majesties! I do apologize for the delay of your orders, but it appears that somepony had canceled our order for more tea and cake!" She blurted out swiftly, gasping for breath as she looked at the teapot in the center of the table. She looked towards the solar princess with a shocked expression. "I didn't... I didn't know you enjoyed coffee as well, Your Highness."

There was an awkward silence, before a loud CRACK of glass could be heard throughout the room. Princess Celestia's head snapped towards her secretary as she looked at Raven with an unreadable expression, her face an emotionless mask. "I apologize, my little pony. Would you say that again?"

Raven backed away a few hooves, trembling in fear. The room had seemingly darkened, and the scent of smoke filled her nostrils. Celestia sat behind the table, her eyes cold and unforgiving. "I err... I said that I didn't know you liked coffee, your highness? That.... That's what is in the pot."

Celestia chuckled, and giggled, and slowly transitioned to a maniacal cackle, grabbing the pot in her magical grasp and hurtling it out of the window, the glass shattering on impact. "Heh.... Heheheheh.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She nearly instantly teleported in front of Raven, craning her neck downwards to stare her in the eye. "Pray tell, my wonderful little pony,my faithful little pony, who canceled that order?"

Raven's eyes widened as Celestia's eyes dilated to pinpricks. "P-P-P-Prince Blueblood, your highness!" She squeaked out, nearly against the floor now as Celestia continued looming over her.

Celestia suddenly stood up completely straight, gazing angrily out of the broken window.

"BLUEBLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight trotted up to the throne room door and gulped nervously. She had just received a letter from Celestia telling her to come to Canterlot, saying that there was a situation of "Dire Importance" that had to be dealt with immediately, and had teleported over just a few minutes prior.

Nudging the door open, she poked her head through and was greeted to a... peculiar sight, and her eyes widened.

Luna was sat in the corner in a large lounging chair, reclining with a bag of popcorn clutched in her hooves, occasionally tossing a hooffull into her mouth.

The rest of the room was trashed with the exception of a large table in the center of the room. Scorch marks and burnt curtains dotted the walls and windows, and what Twilight thought was Celestia's bed was a pile of ash. Speaking of Celestia...

She looked manic. Her hair was shaggy and frayed as she rocked in the corner, whispering unintelligibly. The only word that Twilight could make out was the occasional "Traitors...". Celestia's head shot up like a rabbit who just realized there was a timberwolf in front of it. "H-H-H-Hello Twiliiiiiight~! How are you doing today?!" Her speech was erratic as she stood up and trotted shakily over to her student. She had a noticeable tic, and her left eye was noticeably twitching.

Twilight took a few shaky steps backwards, visibly confused. Looking towards Luna, she gestured to the psychotic alicorn. "What happened to her?!"

Luna shrugged her shoulders, throwing another hooffull of popcorn into her awaiting maw. "I don' know. She hash been like thish s-GULP-since earlier. Blueblood decided to cancel her latest order for tea, and she's been like this ever since she heard the news. It's worse than her goth phase when we were fillies!"

Twilight tilted her head to the side. "She had a goth phase?"

Luna waved her hoof dismissively as Celestia roughly grabbed Twilight by her shoulders, staring her down fiercely. "Twilight. I need your help. The Nobles are plotting to take over! This is merely the beginning!" Dragging Twilight over to a large poster board, she began pointing to pictures of various prominent nobles, and the notes scrawled beneath them. "They've plotted against me for years, Twilight! And all of their efforts culminate tonight!"

Twilight's ears folded back as she slowly thought of the choices that led her to this moment. "What are you talking about?!"

Celestia's already ear-to-ear grin seemingly widened as she levitated a large folder over, the folder being covered in bright red CLASSIFIED stamps.

Twilight tentatively took the folder from Celestia, opening it slowly. She struggled to make sense of what she was seeing. Pictures of dark and shady meetings between a large group of ponies were occasionally placed between large walls of text, detailing R.G.I intelligence on what took place in these meetings. She gasped as she read over the latest entry. "Gathering tonight... Cutting off all supply... Dumping all of the tea in Canterlot off of the docks?!"

Celestia nodded frantically. "Yesssssssss! They have to be stopped, Twilight! We have to save the tea!"

Twilight looked back up at her mentor, still incredibly confused. "But how?!"

The great white alicorn looked at the purple pony with a look of utmost seriousness. "Trust me. I have a plan."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a dark, cloudy night, and Luna's moon hung high in the sky. The sky docks were quiet tonight, the only sounds were the occasional drunken shout and the loud chirping of crickets... Except for one back alley that lay near the edge of the harbor.

A large group of well dressed, affluent looking ponies walked alongside two minotaurs who were pulling two large carts, each chock full of unmarked crates.

Blueblood sat at the front, leading the assembled party through the dark, winding alleys and back streets. He suddenly stopped as heard a whoosh, turning around to face his group, immediately noticing something... off. "Where did High Society and Spot Light go?"

Immediately upon ending his sentence, all of the street lamps illuminating the street went dark. His companions started panicking and letting out shouts of terror as some unknown force darted between them in the shadows, the loud cracking of bone and the sounds of a hoof impacting flesh ringing out rapidly.

It all stopped after a few moments. Blueblood lit his horn and look around the alley. Numerous unconscious ponies dotted the alleyway, the two minotaurs nowhere to be found. Suddenly, he was heaved into the air by the telltale glow of levitation, being brought face to face with a darkened silhouette on a catwalk.

He couldn't make out any identifying features of the mysterious pony. "W-who are you?" He hissed out, dangling in the air helplessly.

The pony lit up their horn, and a large white muzzle came into view.

"I'm Sun Butt."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celestia huffed as she finished hog tying all of the dastardly criminals, her faithful student sat beside her with the look of somepony who was just forced to question all of her choices in life.

Twilight looked away from the group of frightened, tied up ponies, instead directing her gaze towards the pony she thought she knew. "What will happen to them now? They'll have to be punished!"

Celestia looked down at her perfectly pristine party of petrified ponies. She smirked, letting out a confident laugh.

"Let them eat cake."