John Sampson's Story

We made it back to our suite, which we had learned was numbered A3. I got a draw of enough bits to cover some meals and personals. We didn’t figure out what I was going to use as a uniform or armor. I did get a Major’s brassards so I wasn’t technically out of uniform.

I repacked my go bag to be a gym bag and put my brassards in it anticipating an adventure in the morning. Then Swift and I settled down for a lesson in Equestrian military etiquette. The good part is that it isn’t as formal as I feared. I guess I should have expected that from any service that had a half dozen different species in it.

Swift had found us an alarm clock so we set it for four AM and turned in early but we didn’t get to sleep right away.

“Swift, just how serious were you in the shower?”

“Very. John, mares value strength, both physical and mental, in stallions. You have more of both than I have ever seen. Didn’t you notice how many mares were rubbing flanks with you this morning. You could have covered half of that crowd right then and there if you’d wanted. I don’t want to lose you!”

“Swift, my darling, you can’t. Some stallions value strength in their mares and you are a whole different breed from those social climbers.”

“Then why don’t we do it right now? In Equestria all we have to do is decide to be married.”

“Because it’s too soon. I just pulled you out of a nightmare world. That has an effect. Your mind is still in recovery. I want a fully happy and self reliant Swift Trail that has checked out all the alternatives and chosen me. I don’t want hero worship.”

“Oh my sweet wonderful human John, there are so many things that you don’t know about ponies. The normal sexual interaction between a mare and a stallion is the headlong rush to orgasm. The heat and pheromones compel us to be that way. The good stallions stick around afterwards for tenderness and friendship. Sometimes they even marry. The legend is that for every mare there is a stallion that loves her before the orgasm, that is a friend before a lover. It does happen and when it does, it is rare and wonderful thing.”

“Swift, you have my absolute word that once we have emerged from this turmoil you will have whatever you ask for.”

And that was enough. . . for now.

“What the fuck is that noise?”

“Remember the alarm clock, John?”

“Well it’s damned sure effective. I’m going to get out of bed just so I can smash it.”

Swift beat me to the alarm clock because I went for the light switch first.

“Tea. I need caffeine. I want coffee!”

“John, what’s ‘coffee’?”

“Swift, my darling, coffee is what tea wants to be when it grows up.”

“The water is heating, John. We will have tea soon. Perhaps coffee some day.”

I staggered around the room stretching and waking up. Follow that with toilet, tighty whities, and old favorite cammies. Swift headed for the toilet and about then the kettle popped. So I poured. A couple of cups later I was able to counterfeit life.

We were out the door and down the hall with the goal of reaching the Guard cafeteria by five AM. I am planning to be a regular there because they have something that has been missing from my life lately, meat. This morning I settled for two eggs and toast.

There was a shiny young Corporal sitting at the next table so I decided to start there. “Corporal, can you tell me where to go for PT around here?”

“I’ll be going there myself as soon as I turn this plate in. Why don’t you just follow me, . . sir.” He’d spotted Swift’s bars.

About sixty yards down the hall was another of those plain doors with writing next to it. When this door opened into a nice gym I memorized the writing. I set my bag on a bench and looked around. A few pushups and jacks later I was ready for some weights. Weights for ponies without hands are just weird but I found some with a handle on top so I started doing squats with one in each hand. I was doing curls with them when I noticed I’m getting some strange looks. Then I found a barbell set with a pad that would fit pony withers. I put a few weights on it, set it my shoulders, and went jogging. It made a good substitute for a pack. After re-racking the weights I sat on a bench to watch Swift work out with a group of Earth ponies.

The Corporal from breakfast walked up, “Hi. I’m Red Dawn.”

“Hello there. You can call me John.”

“John, do you mind if I ask, just what are you? I mean you’re big but you just juggled those deadpony weights like they were nothing.”

“’Deadpony weights’?”

“The big balls with a loop on top. Unicorns and Pegasi lift those to train for lifting ponies. They weigh as much as an armored Earth pony.”

“Oh. I’m a human from a world called Terra.”

“Where is that?”

“I honestly don’t know. I was stranded here but I’ve decided I like it.”

“Is that why you decided to join the Guard?”

“Part of it. I was in the Service on Terra so it fit.”

“Have you decided what you are going to do in the Guard?”

“Oh there’s no doubt. I’m a Specialist.”

“What kind of Specialist?”

“Information. My job is to know things.

“Well, I think my Captain is about done. I’m headed for the showers.”

“Will I see you here tomorrow, John?”

“I don’t know. I plan to but being new here in all senses, I have a lot of things to figure out.”

I set my bag in the locker room and stripped, rolling up my cammies and putting them in the bag. After a good shower I took out a pearl over navy combination like yesterday’s and donned it, pulling on my Major’s brassards last.

Corporal Red Dawn was standing right outside the shower room door when Swift and I emerged. I’ll never know if he was waiting or just lucky because he took one look at my insignia and went nearly catatonic.

We stopped by the clerk’s office and were given a couple of neat little badges on lanyards and instructed to wear them any time we went out of the castle. I was told that I had an appointment with the Guard Surgeon at my earliest convenience and that we had a lunch date with Princess Twilight Sparkle.

I said that we needed to speak with the Colonel. The clerk reached over and knocked on a small door in the wall. It opened and the Colonel’s voice came through, “yes.”

“Major John Sampson and Captain Swift Trail requesting an appointment, sir.”

“Send them in.”

She stepped back and we walked through to face the Colonel.

“Major, it has been reported to me that you have been abusing my gym. What should I make of that?”

“Sir, being the only human on the planet, I have to improvise. . . a lot.”

“Do I need to order some larger weights? I can get a Minotaur set.”

“Thank you, sir. But let’s wait a little while and see if I’m going to be around long enough. The Princesses still have some deciding to do.”

“Very well. Now what do you need?”

“Most of my possessions are currently being stored in an isolated barn guarded by a squad. The squad will be recalled soon. I need a secure place to store them. There are things I wouldn’t want casually accessible.”

“Like weapons?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I need to know what I’m going to be storing and just how dangerous it is.”

“Of course. The short form is that most of it is sharp or mildly poisonous. A few things are flammable or explosive on a small scale. None of it would be dangerous to more than one pony at a time.”

“I will examine everything.”

“I expect that. But only under my supervision. And I am relying on you to enforce that provision on everypony else. My weapons are based on technology, not magic. The difference is that anypony can wield them, even by accident.”

“John Sampson, after you left yesterday I got a copy of your oath. I don’t know that I could take on a burden that large. My name is Steel Will. Please use it when we are in private.”

“Thank you. Just ‘John’ works for me. Re that burden, I didn’t choose it. It chose me.”

“I think I know what you mean. And call me ’Steel’. Captain, may I call you ‘Swift’?”

“Of course, sir”

“You may call me ‘Steel’ too and drop the ‘sir’ in private.”

We went back through the clerk’s office and I got a guide to the Surgeon’s office while Swift took my bag and went to our suite to relieve the ponies waiting for us there. We are to meet at the door to Twilight’s tower by eleven thirty.

I have found the exception that proves the rule. Doctor’s offices in Equestria are worse than human doctor’s offices. They have the expected paperwork, and then some. All I did was check boxes and fill in blanks. But it got multiplied by organs and limbs that I don’t have. No, I’ve never had hoof rot, or hooves. No, I’ve never had feather mites, or feathers.

As the clock passed eleven I still had some pages to go. So I carried the clipboard back to the administrative nurse and said, “I’ll be back when I can to finish this.”

“NO! You have appointments scheduled. You can’t leave!”

“I have an eleven thirty appointment with a Princess. Do you imagine that you have any ability to stop me?”

“No. sir. We’ll be glad to see you whenever you have time.”

Oh sweet revenge.

My guide and I arrived at the door to Twilight’s tower with several minutes to spare but there was nopony around except for the single guardspony.

“Sir, are you looking for Captain Swift Trail?”

“Yes. I am.”

“She’s inside with the Princess, sir.” As he opened the door for me.

“Private, thank you for the time. You’re dismissed.” And in I went.

“Hey John. Up here.” It was Spike at the head of a staircase winding up the wall of the tower.

The stair emerged into am large room with tables and beanbag chairs scattered about and shelves of books on the walls. Twilight and Swift were sitting side by side across the room laughing and apparently engaging in perfectly ordinary mare talk.

As I approached Twilight said, “Hello, John. We were just talking about you.”

“Of course you were. There’s no better subject.”

Twilight grinned and stuck her tongue out at me. I felt a tear run down my face. And another. It was becoming hard to see so I sat down.

Somepony rushed over to me and touched my shoulder. The voice was Swift, “John! What’s wrong?”

I managed a shaky smile, “Absolutely nothing!”

“John, you’re not making sense.” That one was Twilight.

“I was literally blown out of my world and landed in a dark place with nothing familiar that I wasn’t carrying. I made a place that I could defend and lived for two years in a mud hut on constant watch for monsters that I had thought were mythical. From there I moved to an isolated barn and spent a few months surrounded by soldiers half whom were scared shitless of me. Finally I come here and with literal world shaking force completely sever all possible ties with my old life, old friends, old family, and everything that I have previously known. Then I walk up those stairs and see you two just sitting there laughing and it is so completely ordinary. It’s the first thing that has been ordinary for years. It’s the first time I’ve been completely happy for years.

The next thing I know I’m buried in ponies. Some indefinite time later a voice said, “I’m not going to let lunch ruin while you guys have a hugfest. If you won’t eat it I’ll find somepony that will.” It was Spike.

We slowly untangled. Towels just appeared and we all wiped and blew. As we sat down back at the same table I said, “Spike, I’m sorry. This stallion has been a bit high strung lately.”

“John!” Twilight positively gushed, “Don’t you realize!”

“Don’t I realize what?”

“This is wonderful. I’ve read about in some very old books but I never expected to see it for myself. John, it’s your citizenship. You are now fully a pony!”

I looked, so help me, I looked. Hands are still there. “Twilight, what do you mean? I still look and feel human.”

“Not your body, John, your soul. Your identity is pony now. Did you notice that you just referred to yourself as ‘stallion’?”

“So I did. I’ve been drifting more and more into pony idiom for weeks now.”

“But John, you just looked at two ponies and identified as belonging with them. You are one of us fully now. You have the Power of Friendship. You see being with your friends as a source of pure happiness. That’s the pony way.”