John Sampson's Story

Twilight’s solution to lunch is, “Spike!”

After I recovered from the earblast, “Twilight, I’m going to get comfortable.”

“Okay, John. Make yourself at home.”

So I went into the bathroom and removed all of my uniform and clothes, carefully folding them, and putting everything on a shelf.

When I walked back into the main room, Spike was there. He blinked once and, “Moving in, John?”

“Short term,” I replied

I stretched out on the big beanbag near where Twilight was standing.

“What’s available for lunch, Spike?”

“We have roasted mixed veggies and a fruit bowl for dinner.”

“Sounds good. Got tea? And I’m sorry for disrupting things.”

“”Where would you like it served, John?”

“Spike, your house, your rules. I’m learning. So do what you two usually do and add one plate.”

“See you at the kitchen table.”

So I got up and followed Spike and Twilight to the kitchen. A thin pad put me at the right height and the food was ready and good.

I looked at Spike, “This looks like a lot of work to just appear. When did you put this together?”

“While you three were having drama in the front room. I got to have something to keep my mind off all the mush or I’ll throw up.”

“Oh, Spike. Some day you will change and the ‘mush’ will suddenly become the most important thing there is.”

“I’m sure. But until then please warn me when you two are going lovey-dovey so I can take a long walk.”

“Spike, let’s work out something better. That walk could last as long as a week when I’m involved. I will not throw you out of your home for hours, much less days. Probably the best thing would be some good soundproofing spells and closed doors except for meals.”

“John, I usually go visiting for about two weeks when Twilight has her yearly. She’s too dangerous to be around.”

“That’s encouraging. Is there any kind of alarm clock around here? I have to be up and getting tea at zero four hundred. Breakfast will be at zero five hundred in the Guard cafeteria. I have an appointment with Shining Armor.”

“It’s set.”

“Okay. Where is it?”

“I’m the alarm clock. I don’t sleep as much as ponies do.”

“Thank you.”

Twilight is sitting there grinning like the cat that just caught the canary.

After dinner Spike refused help with the dishes so Twilight and I moved to her bedroom and closed the door. I got comfortable on the pad and motioned Twilight over. She blushed and sidled in my direction with her wings slowly rising.

“Twilight, what do you think we are doing here?”

“I think we’re getting closer, John.” and bats her eyes at me.

“Twilight, this is our first date. We are going to talk and get comfortable with each other, not excited.”

The waterworks are warming up and the wings are sinking.

“Twilight, the first rule of good loving is absolute truth. No lies. No bullshit. I don’t want your imagination or anypony else’s. I want you.

“I want you too, John.”

“The second rule of good loving is no secrets. I don’t mean that I want the details of every Royal Court nor do I intend reveal Guard secrets to you just to get under your tail. I mean I’m not going to hide my love for Swift and AJ and any other pony I touch. I expect the same from you.

“I can live with that.”

“Good. I had a few dozen lovers on Terra. A healthy young firefighter doesn’t lack for opportunities and I was often notorious as I worked my way up the ranks. You’ve witnessed most of my love life since I arrived in Equestria. How about you?”

“I’ve had some pretty wild heats with the girls. AJ can get really intense.”

“Twi, you got truth about AJ. How many stallions.”

“Counting you? One.”

“By all that’s holy, this is why we’re doing this Twilight. Everybody has been telling me how mature and experienced you are and I’ve been listening despite what my gut has been telling me.”

“I’ve never met a stallion that wanted more than the quickest possible mount. Even in the deepest heat that isn’t enough for me. That’s why I want you so much. I want you bound to me before you get away.”

“You have that, Darling. So relax and enjoy the rest of the ride. You have a whole new world to explore. How do you feel about watching or being watched? You seemed pretty okay with Swift and me in the doctor’s office.”

“That was research. Nothing personal. I couldn’t make a public spectacle out of the Royal mystique but I don’t mind friends like AJ at all.”

“Good. I am considering a ‘show and tell’. I want you to know what is happening to you when you experience your first real sex. It’s not going to be anything at all like you are expecting.”

“How did AJ take it?”

“AJ was something of a special case. She triggered Fred and I really liked what Fred was doing so her first experience was more with Fred than me. Right after that was all me and it was wild enough that Swift got off watching.”

“Wait a minute! AJ had sex with Fred!”

“Yes and no. Remember my ‘inner pony’? Well Luna put me in touch with him and he turned out to be Fred. Fred has had magic since the day we landed in Equestria. He linked directly into my mind. He’s been using that link to learn things and understand ponies. When I took my Oath, he decided to help me become equine. He left a image of himself in my mind to use as a model for my equine self. When I was laying there semi-conscious in the afterglow of sex with Swift, Aj called me and Fred showed us how a stallion should answer, right down to making my body fully equine.

“Wow. What else could be said? Wow.”

“It’s been a great help for me actually experiencing an equine body as it should be. Fred has taught me a lot. It is possible at any time that Fred is in the background giving me advice that I perceive as my own ideas.”

“John, you’re turning out to be a lot more complicated than I expected.”

“Welcome to real life. Lay across my lap and I’ll show you what Swift and I did for most of that wild honeymoon.”

She did and we settled in for some heavy grooming.

I wasn’t awake but I was aware enough to be struggling with the idea of why I had feathers all over me when there was a knock on the door. That brought me out of it enough to remember Twilight had wings so I answered, “Urghh.”

Spikes voice answered back, “I’ll come back in five minutes if you aren’t out of there before then.”

I folded Twilight’s wing back against her side and slid off the pad. She mumbled and looked up at the disturbance.

“Rise and shine lover. We have a beating to attend.”

I hit the toilet and stumbled to the kitchen. A mug of sweet smelling tea was waiting.

“Spike, you’re hired. This is precisely what I need.”

“Thank you, John. Though I still don’t understand why you torture yourself.”

“Spike, I am charged with protecting Princesses, particularly the nearest Princess. I need to be as able as possible at all times and under all circumstances. So I push the limits of my abilities and knowledge. We are going to do a lot of both today when I spar with Shining Armor. He is going to learn a lot about humans for the Guard just in case another human shows up on the other side. Steel and Twilight are going to record the details.”

Twilight walked in about then. “So you want me there to record the details of my brother beating you up?”

“No, I want you there to record the details of me beating the crap out of your brother.”

“How is that better?”

“Less pain for me? Actually, I don’t expect any clear victor. What I want to learn is ways to counter common pony attacks with a human body. Your brother wants to learn the same thing about humans. We may have to do this a lot more than once.”

“Twilight, you’re more traveled than most. Have you ever heard of ‘coffee’?”

“No, John. What is it?”

“Tea’s adult brother and the lack of it is Equestria’s one serious defect.”

Shining and Steel were in the food line when we walked in so we fell in behind them. I looked around and spotted Swift at table near the middle of the room. I got my usual and we all joined Swift.

Steel was organized, “We have a development lab in the armory reserved. A couple of armorers will be there to see what they can fit for you, John. A couple of Unicorn medics will stand by with nurses. Do you have a plan in mind, John?”

“I want to start as basic as we can. Just simple brawling. I’m looking for how ponies move and exert force. The Unicorn factor comes next. How can he hit me with magic and how can I resist it? We might recruit a Pegasus for aerial factors later. I’ve also got some human sword designs in mind. I might never be graceful with one but I can hack with great enthusiasm and a honking big sword on my belt has got to have a major intimidation factor.”

That got Shining’s attention, “Are you thinking of something heavy in human proportion?”

“Shining, human history includes blades from rapier to broadswords that weigh more than you. My thoughts run to the Scot’s Claymore. They kept a small and isolated country free and independent for centuries with a weapon that personified brute force and a berserker style of battle. The larger more refined nations learned to fear them. It was usually used two handed but they didn’t have magic strength. I also think it’s my best chance for a weapon that I won’t break when I get excited. The downside is that I’m more likely to cut ponies in half than wound them. The part I’m unsure of is cross or basket on the grip.”

Twilight was getting a bit green by then.

But Shining wasn’t. “So how long are you thinking?”

“The traditional design is often worn cross body and is near my height in length. But the Scots mostly fought open field battles. I have questions for you about swinging something like that indoors. I’d hit the ceiling in most rooms.”

Steel was grinning widely, “John, who told you that you could only have one. A sword is a tool. I have different tools for different jobs. But I have to admit that I like the image of you towering over the field of battle with a weapon larger than any of the enemy combatants. You’d be worth a company in sheer terror factor.”

Swift couldn’t stand it any more, “Could the stallions at this table please tone down the test fest just a little in honor of the Princess? I’ve learned to ignore it but she’s new to the military macho lifestyle.”

I hate it when a plan comes together.

The ‘lab’ is a very large room with every size and shape of stick, club, or wooden blade that you can imagine. We had pads for the floor and pads to wear. There were baskets too but none would hang on a human head. I started by sketching out my idea of a Claymore for the armorers and they promised to fake something out of wood while we worked on the unarmed part.

I stripped down to my skivvies and Swift put the uniform in the bag that she had brought with her.

Shining and I moved to the middle of the floor pads and eyeballed each other.

I invited, “Show me what’s natural. I know something of Terran equines. I want to see what translates.”

He smiled at me and charged. I sidestepped and grabbed for his neck as he went by. Neither of us got any satisfaction.

“Interesting idea, John. What could you do if it worked?”

“Keep trying and you’ll find out.”

He charged me again but I saw the balance shift and was ready when he spun around with a double barrel kick. I stepped back and caught his feet as he reached full extension. We wheelbarrowed for a few seconds then I let him go.

“John, I never dreamed of that one. Those hands change things. But what could you do with it?”

“Shining, this is my natural human strength. If I kicked in my magic strength I could beat a hole in the wall with you like that.”

“Oh.”

We circled and feinted for a bit. I faked a hard look to his left and he fell for it. I stepped in and bulldogged him ending with me pinning him flat.

I grinned at him, “That’s another thing you need hands for. If you can control the head, the rest of the equine must follow.”

“Does it work on humans?”

“Not nearly as well. Just not enough neck. But if you can get enough grip on the head it is a kill move.”

We leveled out after a while with neither of us able to score or looking like we might tire out. So I decided to up it a notch.

“Shining, I’m going to change disciplines. What’s coming is the human combat I’m best at and it’s what you’ll be most likely to see out of a random human.”

I raised my fists and began stalking him. He knew better than let me get too close but didn’t know what too close is. I leaned a little and tickled his nose with a jab. I stepped in and tickled his jaw with a hook. I feinted the other side and when he dodged, I did a little more than tickle him. He shook his head so I backed up and dropped out.

“John, it’s my impression that if you had followed through with any of those I would be laying on the mat bleeding?”

“Yes. Though a concussion is also likely. If it’s any consolation, Fred respects that jab.”

“Fred is the real big guy?”

“Yep. Let’s make it fair again. Use your magic on me.”

Somepony slapped me in the back of the head so I started moving and ducking as random as I could. He landed a lot of glancing blows and few dead ons. The problem is that the closer I get to him, the more accurate his blows. I worked my way over to a rack of short wooden swords without being too obvious and let him get in a hit that spun me. When I came back around I had several swords in my hands and threw them at him in as rapid a string as I could. He ducked and dodged but couldn’t launch any blows while he did. I charged yelling as loud as I could and managed to knock him over but he rolled and I missed pinning him. Then the elephant sat on me. I could see pink in the air around me and Shining was in serious concentration. I could wiggle but every gain I made was promptly counteracted.

I relaxed a moment, “Shining, how long could you maintain this?”

He answered, “For hours. It’s more tedious countering every small move you make that tiring from effort.”

“Brace yourself. Things are going to change.” And I reached for my magic. I anchored to the floor then pushed my body up. The pink darkened and sparkled. Shining grunted and his horn looked like a roman candle.

“HOLD!” It was Steel. “You colts know better than play with that level of magic inside the Castle and with a Princess present no less!”

We had both released at the first shout from Steel. I sat up and said, “I’m sorry. You are absolutely right and I was the one that escalated it.”

Steel was on top of it , “Time for a break. Let’s shower and analyze this over lunch.”

Shining was impressed, “John, you see my cutie mark? Shields are my talent. What I did was basically throw a shield over the top of you. And you were fighting it with your back. I’m not sure which of us would have won that contest. Yet you say that you can’t throw any kind of magic at all?”

“The only time magic has left my body is the heartbond and I’m not sure it’s my magic.”

“Heartbond is shared Earth pony magic. But you can do some things Earth ponies can’t do?”

“I’ve got speed to match my strength. I’m planning to try that out when we get to swords. It may be my best chance to overcome half a lifetime of ignoring swords. Unless maybe you have a spell for that?”

“No, John, no shortcuts. By the way, can you throw real blades like you threw those wooden ones? Because you could be damned deadly like that.”

“Sure, I’m pretty good with a Bowie or a Kabar. Those are Terran knives that I guess would pass for half scale swords among ponies.”

When we got back to the lab it was time to pick a sword. Here we go again. Unicorn blades don’t have a usable grip. They’re held with magic and magic doesn’t need a special grip so why not lighten them? Pegasus blades strap on. I could do that but then I couldn’t use my wrist. They’re all small and lightweight too. Earth pony blades come closest but they either strap on or are held in the pony’s mouth. Not a usable grip for me. But they had two versions of the Claymore ready for me to try. One was longer than I am tall. The other would hang from my belt to about a hands width from the floor. The grip needed a lot more work but it was possible. And it had a cross on it.

Then the fight started. If there wasn’t a basket for me, Shining wouldn’t wear one. He wouldn’t give a bit and I wasn’t going to fight if he didn’t wear it.

“Shining, I’m not in danger. You are. You have skills. I have wild and crazy.”

Steel settled it. The basket was orders.

He proved my point right off. I could give him something to do but he could score on me at will and I had to take wild chances to get close to him. Then I concentrated and dialed my speed up a notch. Now I had time to see what he is doing and begin to make him work. The ratio was about five to one but I am scoring now. I’m confident that I could turn the speed up more and hurt him but hurting Shining isn’t my goal. My goal is a functional weapon and we are closing in on that. The armorers have agreed to forge me a sword to the size and pattern of the smaller wooden Claymore. And they’ll improve the grip and cross.

We’ve worked up a sweat now but I can’t leave without one last experiment. I want to swing the big one. I picked it up and waved it a bit.

“I so wish this was real steel so I could get an actual feel for it vs my full strength.”

Shining smiled big, “We can do that. It’ll only last an hour or so but you won’t be able to tell the difference for that hour.” And his horn glowed bright for several seconds.

Suddenly the sword is heavy. I could hold it with normal strength but I'm not going to swing it too many times. So I dialed up my muscles until it felt like balsa wood. I swung it over my head until it whistled and everypony got way back. The dummies were there waiting for me. I cut the head off the first one like it was made of butter. I swung back and halved it diagonally.

“STOP!” Uh oh. Steel. “We get the point. Leave my equipment alone.”

I just grinned, “I like this.”