John Sampson's Story

“John, it will help if you believe that Bud can see and hear you. A simple wanting to share goes a long way to making it happen. And it works the same from Bud’s direction,” Celestia instructed.

“You did this! Can’t you just undo it?” John pleaded.

“Of course I could. And who knows, you might even emerge from the madness at least somewhat functional. Think of yourself and Bud as two buckets half full of water. If you were to try to mix the two buckets by throwing the water from both up in the air at the same time and trying to catch it in one bucket, there would be a big mess. So we are carefully pouring the water from bucket to bucket a little at a time until it is properly mixed and we have one full, happy bucket.” Celestia explained.

Did you understand that Bud? I’m going to act like you are seeing and hearing all of this. I figure you’ll catch up soon. After all, if you’re using the same brain as me, you shouldn’t have any trouble keeping up.

“So I guess we continue with the story. Who goes next?” John wondered.

“They’re your memories so why don’t you just see how many you can find?” Celestia suggested.

Twilight Sparkle had disappeared, probably teleported out to avoid facing any embarrassing questions. I’d spent a hour out in the pasture sitting watch while Fred slept. He’s been kinda paranoid since we had arrived in Equestria and needed my physical presence to relax. I left him doing his nighttime grazing and went to the barn to get some dinner myself. It was shaping up to be a warm summer night so I changed into my cargo shorts and nothing else. After throwing a small assortment of fruits and veggies on a plate I headed for a table.

Standing across the table from Swift Trail, “Mind if I sit here sergeant?”

She looked up, blinked, and said, “Please do. Give me a few minutes to finish off this report and we can talk.

A few scribbles and a shuffle later she looked up and, “What do want to know?’

“I understand horses well and know what estrus looks like but I didn’t see any signs from Twilight. So what happened out there?”

“John, with ponies there’s estrus and there’s heat, related but not the same. In the spring every mare in Equestria that’s not too young or too old experiences estrus at roughly the same time. At that time we are fertile and it’s accompanied by an extremely powerful heat. Getting bred and pregnant is all a mare can think about. Throughout the rest of the year a mare can be brought into heat by any sufficiently exciting situation. Usually that means a sexy stallion and some foreplay but the trigger is an individual thing. A mare will not be fertile any time other than spring. Now I want to know, how does human estrus work?”

“You’re going to love this Swift. Humans are permanently in heat. Women are fertile for several days of a twenty eight day cycle that goes on year round. The timing is individual and most can’t feel it anyway so we just want sex any time we can get it.

"But I have some big questions that need answers.”

“In Equestria big questions always involve magic. I’m an Earth pony so I’m not the best one to ask about magic. You already have the ear of the best expert on magic in all of Equestria. Why don’t you just ask Princess Twilight. If you are worried about this afternoon, don’t. It’s something that happens to mares though usually not just like that.”

“Swift, tell me honestly, would it happen to you? Ignore the bookworm trigger, would you lock up like that in the presence of a stranger.?”

“Of course not, John. I’m a disciplined military mare and have my emotions under full control.”

“And that is exactly the answer that I expected and exactly why I trust you and don’t trust Twilight. Sergeant Swift Trail is mature and experienced with full comprehension of the world and how it works at the level where we all spend most of our time. Princess Twilight Sparkle is a little girl with a big weapon living a dream. I give her the best of intentions and complete sincerity, but she still has the ability to do enormous damage by mistake.”

“I’m flattered. I mean really flattered. A career NCO doesn’t expect to be preferred over a Princess. But, John, I work for Twilight Sparkle. She’s one of the ‘Royal’ that I ‘Guard’. I cannot act in any way against her interest nor can I hide anything from her.”

“Again the answer I expected and desired. If you were willing to violate your oath for someone you met a few days ago you wouldn’t be someone that I could trust.

“If humans visited Equestria, if there was a human nation anywhere around Equestria, ponies, including high government officials, wouldn’t be asking questions like I’m being asked. So It looks like I’m going to be an immigrant.”

The next morning I was rousted out at the first hint of dawn, as usual, to sit sleep watch for Fred. He was a little grumpy with a belly full of fresh green grass but I couldn’t blame him. I was having the same problem with lockers full of the finest produce staring at me whenever I was in the barn. I had brought Fred some carrots and promised him more if he would take it easy on the grass.

When I got back to the common area in the barn the day shift guards were already gone and the night shift was in the middle of their dinner. I got a plate, filled it, and sat myself in a corner a little ways from the ponies. I had some serious thinking to do.

“You look halfway home.”

“Huh?” I looked up to find Swift Trail standing on the other side of my table. “Please sit. I want to talk to you. ‘halfway home’?”

“It’s military slang. It means a soldier who is looking at where she wants to be instead of where she is, usually after a long hard campaign. And sitting at a half eaten meal not moving completes the picture.”

“Swift, I believe that you are my friend . . .”

“John I told you last . . .”

“Let me finish. I am fully aware that you are a soldier with a duty and an oath to uphold. I accept that. I believe that if your duty required you to harm me that you would do it and cry later. I accept that. And I believe that until that duty comes up you will do your honest best to help me.”

“John, ‘friend’ has a special meaning among ponies. It’s not a commitment that a soldier can make. You seem to understand that so I will accept your friendship in a conditional sense. Does that help?”

“It does. I want you to know that I will be eternally in your debt for what I am going to do to you but I don’t see any other way. I want what is right for Equestria too so there is a decision to be made. It should be a soldier’s decision, not a politician’s.”

“John, you’re scaring me.”

“Good. If I don’t terrify you before this is over you’re not the soldier I think you are.”

We never got to see just how far that line of thought would go because Twilight Sparkle came walking in with a mare that I’d never seen before but I’d bet I knew who she was related to. Swift Trail rose and offered to take my plate as Twilight approached.

“John Sampson, this is Applejack. She is one of the owners of this farm and a good friend of mine. She has agreed to sit in with us today.”

“I’m pleased to meet you Applejack. And I’ll bet it was your brother that I met (briefly) yesterday.”

“Ah believe so. ‘specially because ‘briefly’ jus’ sounds like Big Mac. Twi tells me you came from a very fah away place.”

“I honestly don’t know. I’d have to figure out a direction to look in before I could measure a distance. Let’s just call it ‘a very different place’. By the way, I like that hat. I lost one a lot like it on the way here.”

“Twi, Ah think Ah’m gonna like the big stud. John Sampson, we’ll find you a hat.”

The Princess immediately settled in across the table from me. Applejack sat next to her and Spike sat next to me. Then the questions began.

“Where did you get that ‘smartphone’?”

“I bought it from Oldegg. They put it on OOPS and the driver handed it to me.”

“How do you put lightning in it?”

“I don’t. I use a solar charger to generate a more controllable form of electricity and store it in a battery until I need to recharge the phone.”

“What else can the smartphone do?”

“Princess, remember that ‘context’ thing I mentioned yesterday? Well you just slammed headfirst into it. Associated with that phone is something called ‘the Store’. When I visit the Store with my phone I can purchase ‘Apps’. ‘Apps’ enable the phone to do a particular thing or kind of things. Even if I could remember them all, there’s many thousands. It would take days to list them.”

“Name a few.”

“Okay. I’ve already mentioned voice, text, net access, recorded music, pictures, and video. There’s also Wastebook, Fapchat, and millions of games. And if you’re feeling frisky, about a dozen search engines.”

I didn’t know it was possible to turn that color. I guess when you start with lavender it is. And I immediately felt like a fool. “Dammit, Princess. I’m sorry. I just wish you would listen to me. I know equines well. I have some basis towards understanding Equestrians. You don’t have the first clue about humans. You can’t possibly know what to ask and fumbling around trying to get lucky is going to take years.”

Applejack had sat silently just looking directly at me through this whole thing. Now she turned to Twilight. “Tell him.”

Twilight looked troubled. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, AJ.”

“Tell him or Ah will. He ain’t spoken a single false word to you including his apology and here you are trying to deceive him. Ah can’t abide it”

“AJ, I don’t think . . .”

But AJ cut her off. Looking directly at me, “John Sampson, I ah’m the Bearer o’ the Element o’ Honesty. It ain’t possible to lie to me. Now tell Twi what you want her to know.”

“I’m planning to stay in Equestria even if I find a way ‘home’. I like it better here because humans are overrunning Terra. It’s becoming hard to find open land or even room for horses. And I want to become a good citizen and find ways to help ponies.”