Revelations - Matters of Madness and Other Poisons

by SpliceLaboratories

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Romance, Tragedy, Slice of Life
Length: 46514

Sometimes you rattle the cages just to hear them sing

The frightening return of Nightmare Moon was quickly offset by the relief that Princess Luna was reborn. But unbeknownst to the citizens of Equestria, she isn't the only one to return. Deep in the Everfree Forest, a deranged doctor full of malicious intent returns to enact a vengeance that spans lifetimes. But before Viktor Splice can carry out his plans, he must first reassemble his research facility and research team. Science, surgery, neurotoxins, reanimation, and snarky comments from a satirical doctor abound!

[Rated Teen for Language/Graphic Violence]
[All pictures are drawn by me unless otherwise stated (including the cover picture)]

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-19 18:11:36 UTC

2 - Wherein Viktor Splice Finds Ponyville

Viktor glared at the signpost for quite a long time.  Situated on the outskirts of town and painted upon with the brightest colors of the rainbow, the offending sign read “WELCOME TO PONYVILLE, HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!”

It’s nighttime you stupid twats, thought Viktor sourly.  Extending a welcoming hoof to random strangers never did seem like a good idea to Splice.  Working on the most cutting-edge scientific projects and with the highest ranking individuals meant he had lots of enemies, as well as plenty of time to learn that trust was not something to be doled out so carelessly.  Nevertheless, the doctor needed supplies badly.  It’s the middle of the night.  Who in their right mind would be wandering the streets at this hour?  He blinked.  I’m wandering the streets.  And it’s safe to say I’m not the friendliest pony in the world.  If somepony is wandering the streets now, then that surely means they aren’t in their ‘right minds’.  Meeting a stranger at night is much more dangerous than doing so in the morning…  Pondering this only made him more wary of entering Ponyville.  Shaking his head and drawing in a deep breath to steady his thoughts, Viktor steeled himself for what he was about to do.  But just as he was about to enter town, the moonlight began to glimmer on a field of red in the distance.  Curious, Splice stepped off the road leading into town and made his way towards the alluring sight.

A light breeze interrupted the otherwise still night, causing the grassy fields to sway slightly.  Viktor allowed himself time to enjoy his walk, taking in the softness of the grass on his hooves and the coolness of the wind lapping at his mane.  For once in his life, he had found a land in Equestria that didn’t seem to be rotting at the core with the violence and cruelty he was so used to seeing.  Nowhere did he spot the bloodshed that accompanied ponies hacking each other to pieces, and not a scream could be heard for miles around.  Maybe I have been gone for quite some time.  This place seems… almost peaceful.  He sniffed the air, expecting the pungent aroma of gore to violate his nostrils, but was instead greeted by a much sweeter scent: apples.

Now the doctor was a pony of simple tastes.  Other than the astonishing amount of high-tech gadgetry and biochemical doodads he once had at his disposal, Viktor knew how to appreciate the finer things in life.  And the thought of a fine red apple, plucked fresh off the farm and eaten on the spot, drove him into an all-out sprint until he reached the edge of Sweet Apple Acres.  As he approached the first of the apple trees, the doctor drove his back hooves into the dirt and threw his front hooves forward, launching himself into the branches of the nearest tree.  He landed quite ungracefully, tangled up in a mess of twigs and leaves, but the sweet taste of the apples proved too rewarding for him to care.  Apple after apple disappeared down his throat as he satisfied his cravings.  The minutes came and went, but even after the first tree had been stripped of its fruit Viktor still felt hungry.  He instantly leapt to the next tree and began gnawing on an apple as a disturbing thought gnawed at his mind.  This is unfathomable.  At this rate, I’m going to eat my weight in apples and then some!  Just how long have I been gone to have worked up an appetite this large?  Juice stained his coat and his jaw began to ache from the constant chewing, but just as Viktor began to panic he felt his hunger subside.  Taking a last bite and chucking the core to the ground below, Splice leaned back and sighed contentedly.  Apples had never tasted so good in his life – except for maybe one exception.  Viktor leaned against the trunk of the tree and allowed himself to relish in the memory…

The afternoon sun beat down on the streets of Canterlot; not a cloud could be seen in the sky.  The elite liked to roam the streets at this time, most likely so average citizens could bask in their radiance as the sun reflected off their perfectly cleaned coats.  This seemed unnecessary in a town in which “average citizens” still occupied the upper ranks of Equestrian society.  The closest thing to low-class to be found was the occasional antisocial shut-in that was forced to leave the comfort of his or her own home to answer the beckoning call of hunger.  Unfortunately for Viktor Splice, that social misfit just happened to be him.  He walked through the streets of Canterlot donning his squared spectacles and signature lab coat.  Days spent indoors had given his fur a dull shadow, and his unkempt mane jutted out in every direction as through trying to escape the mess of a unicorn it was attached to.  Though his lab coat was usually a clean white, his recent breakthrough had required he spend many days locked in the lab.  This meant a mixture of sweat, chemicals, and various other fluids stained his clothing, and the mark of sleepless nights could be seen in the darkened circles beneath his eyes.  Keeping said eyes locked firmly ahead, Viktor took the judging glares of each passerby in stride as he continued to walk.  He had lived in Canterlot his whole life but still did not understand what drove a pony to act so pompous.  Sure they had money, but that didn’t mean they had to flaunt it about with their noses held high.  That money would serve a much greater purpose if it went towards those in need.  Hell, even buying a simple meal for a hungry foal could go a long way.   Viktor shook his head clear of such thoughts, allowing himself to be comforted by the fact that his research would aid society for generations while these wealthy pricks rotted in the ground.  His stomach grumbled as he walked into the marketplace and he was instantly reminded of the objective: get food and return to the lab ASAP.  He picked out some pears from a nearby stand and tossed them into his saddlebags.  Good thing he brought them this time – he didn’t even want to think about the tidal wave of food he had to carry with him by magic the last time he’d forgotten his saddlebags.  Just thinking about such a massive expenditure of energy made his stomach rumble again, and he shoved a banana in his mouth to placate it.  Strolling along, he quickly filled his bags with an assortment of fruits, vegetables, and various exotic plants imported from across Equestria.  After all, this was Canterlot, a place where only the best would suffice.  Viktor was just getting ready to return home when a rolling red object caught his eye.  An apple had fallen off of a nearby stand and was making its way towards Splice, who promptly captured it in his telekinetic grasp and made his way toward the stand.  He smiled at the large stallion behind the stack of apples and attempted to place the lost fruit amongst its own kind, but once the brutish shopkeeper noticed Viktor holding an apple his face contorted into an angry snarl.

“You putrid, slimy fuck!” shouted the produce-pony, “How dare you try to steal one of my apples!  I oughta rip yer fucking legs off!”  As the beast stormed out from behind the stalls Viktor became increasingly aware he could make good on his threat.  Despite being a fairly strong unicorn, Viktor had absolutely no way to fend off a vicious pony that stood twice his height and at least three times his weight.  And judging by the image of a stick of dynamite on his flank, this guy had an explosive temper.  Either that or he was some sort of miner.

“Y-you got it all wrong,” Viktor stammered.  The larger pony’s gaze bore straight into Viktor’s eyes as he attempted to explain himself.  “Th-this apple fell!  I’m returning it, honest!”

“Bullshit,” the beast spat.  By now, a crowd had begun forming about the two ponies, which only served to effectively entrap the frightened doctor.  But just as Splice was ready to enter fight-or-flight mode, a heavenly voice that made his heart stop sounded from over his shoulder.

“Excuse me, is there a problem here?”

Viktor swiveled around and his gaze fell upon the most stunning mare he had ever met.  She stood at Viktor’s height, which was slightly tall for an Earth pony such as herself, and her coat was a sleek white.  Her mane and tail were a soothing shade of aquamarine, and the black beret situated atop her head only served to accentuate her features.  On her flank (which Viktor noted to be quite shapely) appeared an image of a flowing chord progression.  Her hoof was outstretched, and upon it sat a pouch of bits.  But what caught Viktor’s attention the most were her bright pink eyes, which were gazing directly into his own even as she spoke to the fiendish stallion behind him.

“Will this be sufficient to pay for the ‘stolen’ apple?” she asked delicately…

Viktor’s eyes shot open and he sat upright in the tree.  His breathing came in short bursts and he had to shake his head to recompose himself.  He knew he hadn’t been asleep long – it was probably barely midnight – but he had to get going if he wanted to avoid being seen.  Splice hopped down from the tree and noticed a barn situated at the edge of the apple fields.  Grinning, he moved towards what was sure to be a warehouse full of necessities.  He kept low, choosing to walk under cover of the apple trees rather than the worn path that led straight towards the barn and its accompanying house.  If anypony should see him now, he would surely be driven from this village before any real work could be accomplished.  Upon reaching the barn, Viktor expressed no surprise at the presence of a lock on the door, choosing instead to glare at the one obstacle between him and his lab.  His horn flared up with a faint violet glow, and a blast of energy shot out towards the lock.  The lock, as well as the entire barn door, promptly melted.  WHOOPS.  Viktor grimaced at his work.  Oh well, at least he could now enter.

Viktor gasped.  The sheer amount of useful items inside this barn far surpassed even his highest expectations.  Wooden planks, saws, hammers, nails, paint, and a variety of other carpentry equipment lay scattered throughout the barn.  Splice was quite shocked to discover a pile of electrical wires and extra light bulbs stashed in one corner of the room.  Electrical technology was still in the pioneering stages when I was around!  Even though these wires are quite rudimentary compared to the work I did, it’s still unbelievable that a simple farm-pony would have something such as this.  He pondered this for a few more moments before fixing his gaze on a couple of large wagons situated near the entrance.  Perfect.  Wasting no time, he levitated all the contents of the barn into the carts, leaving nothing but the hay on the floor and the walls themselves.  Even if I don’t need it, I can break it apart and use it for something else, he told himself as he levitated over what appeared to be a yoke.  Once he was certain he had cleared the place out, Viktor focused all his energy on pushing the two carts out towards the fields.  He then busied himself filling the remaining space with as many apples as he could.  Developing a fruit cellar would be simple enough, and he felt confidant he was taking enough food to last quite some time.  Tossing one final apple into the second cart and placing another apple in his mouth, Viktor telekinetically grasped both wagons and began trotting home.  He had to be back before sunrise if he wanted to find the library.

Splice reentered Ponyville at two o’clock in the morning.  Trudging those carts through a heavily forested area proved no easy task, and more than once he had to levitate the carts over the trees entirely.  But now he stood before what he could only assume was the central location of congregation for the townsfolk.  To put it simply, Splice had found town hall, and he was currently examining a map of the entire town that had thoughtfully been erected in plain sight.  It’s almost as if they WANT me to ransack their town, Splice cackled as he reviewed Ponyville’s layout.  The library stood out so clearly that Splice berated himself for not having noticed it before – a giant tree that had been transmogrified to accommodate full-time residents.  Approaching the tree, Viktor found himself wondering why the citizens of this “Ponyville” seemed to place such little importance on knowledge itself.  While living in Canterlot, the doctor would never have been so ignorant as to place his entire stash of research papers and notes in the husk of a flammable plant.  These villagers just made it too easy for their enemies to get the upper hand on them!  These idiots are too trusting.  The welcome sign, the open field of apples, the map, and now this!  I cannot fathom how they have managed to survive thus far.  Opening the door proved simple – only the smallest flicker of magic was needed to pick the lock.  Viktor Splice breathed in the musty scent of aging texts, an aroma that seemed to push the tension right from his mind.  Finding himself surrounded by a plethora of information was a feeling he sorely missed, and he took a moment to just bask in the presence of the library’s contents.

Books upon books upon books upon books stood erect on the shelves, all organized and waiting to be read.  Wasting no time at all, Viktor pulled forth all works on science and Equestrian history he could.  First he sorted through current textbooks in the fields of mathematics and the sciences in general.  He was surprised to find basic knowledge had increased tenfold, and even more surprised to find that the more advanced research far outpaced that of his former colleagues.  The most advanced research nowadays still doesn’t come anywhere near the complexity of my work.  I guess that evil bitch really did keep my work under the radar.  Viktor flashed a devilish grin, revealing two rows of razor sharp teeth.  That actually kind of works for me.  If I can access my old files in the Canterlot Archives, I can be certain nopony will be able to stop me.  Hell, they still can’t figure out nuclear fusion!  Assured that science had only made minor progress since his disappearance (the length of which he was still unaware of), Viktor moved to the history books.  By now, the sun was close to rising, and he only had two hours to find out exactly how long ago he hid himself in that cave.  Starting with the most current issue and working backwards, Viktor searched frantically for the last major event he remembered.  Come on it has to be here somewhere.  It was a fucking war for crying out loud!  Finding nothing he laid back and sighed.  His eyes hurt from the strain and there remained less than an hour before sunrise.  This doesn’t make any sense, how long has it been??  An open book resting on a nearby table caught his attention just as he stood up and prepared to leave.  Being a book on ancient myths and folktales, Splice would normally have dismissed it as useless to his current work.  But something written at the top of the page caught his attention: The Mare in the Moon – Nightmare Moon’s Banishment.  Frantically, Viktor snatched the book in his magical grasp and began reading.  His mouth hung open and his eyes widened as he read.  THIS.  IS.  IMPOSSIBLE.

3 - Wherein Much Progress is Made

One thousand years??  ONE THOUSAND YEARS??  A torrential storm raged on in Splice’s mind as he attempted to comprehend what he’d just learned.  When Viktor stole that Statis-Spell from the Star Swirl the Bearded Wing of the Canterlot Archives, he originally planned to keep his body and mind frozen in the fabric time for only a few short weeks, even a few months if necessary.  After all, this was Princess Luna that had been banished to the moon.  Even if she was overtaken by some maddening disease of the mind there was no way Princess Celestia could bear to part with her baby sister for any longer than a fortnight.  Those few short weeks would provide Splice with the time necessary for everybody to just about forget his existence – his supposed dementia and violent crimes would be covered by the relief that Princess Luna had returned safe and sound.  Then, when everybody began to feel safe and content in the comfort of their own homes, Viktor would emerge from the shadows, striking down the solar tyrant who had taken everything from him and reduced the doctor to a broken shell of a pony.  But as Viktor sat in Twilight’s library, the first golden streaks of sunlight glimmering off the tears in his eyes, the only thought rolling through his mind was “why”.  Why was Celestia so cruel?  How could one “benevolent” goddess live with herself after destroying his life and locking her own sister away for centuries?  Why did these ponies continue to serve her after all this time if her injustice was so clear to Splice?  And why the hell did all of this have to happen to him?

Viktor resisted the urge to scream and burn the entire library to the ground.  Remaining incognito was of the utmost importance if he were to enact revenge.  Though a disappearance lasting one thousand years is low-profile enough I guess.  She probably forgot I ever even existed within the first century.  Splice’s gaze fluttered over the mess of books strewn about the floor from his previous night of research, and soon his feelings of self-pity and remorse gave way to that of joy and appreciation.  One thousand years of isolation provided Viktor with a clean slate.  Nobody knew who he was or where he came from, and judging by his recent review of scientific and historical works, neither hide nor hair remained of his previous innovations or prior existence.  In her infinite wisdom, the immortal Princess Celestia had idiotically granted Viktor Splice the most useful tool he could use in his plans for vengeance: the element of surprise.

Viktor couldn’t hold back an enormous grin.  Not only was he a shadow of the night, but this ridiculously public library had turned out to be a treasure trove full of information vital to the doctor’s plans.  While many of the greatest advancements in the field of medicine were well below Splice’s understanding of biology and chemistry, his late-night perusing had brought to light a category of science that was completely new to him.  The concept of a computer had initially confused Viktor, and it took hours for the unicorn to understand how his previous work with primitive electrical engineering had evolved to this level of complexity.  But now that he had officially caught up with Equestrian history over the past millennia, Splice felt confident he could apply this newfound branch of science to a more… practical purpose.

Viktor levitated over a copy of Equestrian Defense and began reviewing the chapters on military-grade research.  According to this, anything and everything that has to do with advanced research takes place here.  He blinked as he read the words on the page.  Inside my old Canterlot laboratory...  Nowadays, information regarding this research is kept in the computer databases rather than the Canterlot Archives, which appear to serve a more historic purpose.  If I can gain access to my old research facility, I may be able to acquire the information and equipment necessary to begin working once again.

A chuckle escaped Viktor’s lips as he mulled over the possibility of one obsolete pony breaking into the most heavily guarded building in all of Equestria with the sole purpose of stealing EVERTHING in stock.  When put that way, it seemed as if the doctor’s head really was screwed on incorrectly, and he felt as though he ought to just give up his plight then and there.  But admitting defeat was something Viktor never could do.  He glanced at an image of Celestia plastered upon Twilight’s wall – leave it to her personal protégée to have a small shrine to the tyrant within the library.  I’ve lived through everything you’ve thrown at me thus far, Viktor spat at the image, and a few guards with some fancy modern weapons aren’t going to stay my hoof now.

The sounds of shuffling from upstairs interrupted Splice’s thoughts.  Sheets being cast aside, hoofs clacking upon the floor – somebody was awake and coming down the steps fast.  Viktor hastily gathered up a couple of texts to use as reference while his horn flared up.  In a burst of purple light the doctor had vanished, only to reappear outside behind the library.  A loud gasp closely followed by a loud shriek could be heard from within the tree, and a female voice rang out.  “Spike!  We’ve been robbed!”  Viktor didn’t want to wait around and find out who “Spike” was, and in another bright flash the doctor disappeared.

The Next Night

“Alright let’s go over the plan one more time,” Splice spoke aloud to himself as he walked along the dirt path.  “Number one: I’m walking straight into the central hub of Equestrian Defense with no plan whatsoever.  Yup, seems legit.”  Canterlot could be seen in the distance, desperately clinging to the side of the same mountain it did over one thousand years ago.  Another hour or so and Viktor would find himself in the same city in which he once had a reputation as the primary authority in scientific research.  Now he was nothing but an old charcoal-colored unicorn wandering throughout Equestria with only a hat to his name.  Or did he even have a name anymore?  “I really oughta develop another alias to go by in case I bump into somebody, but I don’t really see the point.  Nobody short of the Royal Sisters will recognize me, and they’re too busy roosting their fat plots in their luxurious nests to come down and see me.”  Splice giggled to himself as he reached the outer limits of Canterlot.  And as the doctor approached the wealthy city he was extremely shocked to find – nothing.  No guards, no walls, and certainly no heavy artillery to protect the affluent individuals within.  Viktor scoffed.  In his time nobody would be so stupid as to leave the capital of Equestria in such a state of vulnerability.  “It seems I really need to get used to the whole ‘inviting’ atmosphere of this era.”

Viktor entered the city without a second glance from the few guards standing near the entrance gate.  Celestia’s sun was beginning to reach the mountaintops to the west, and the streets were clearing up as ponies went home to settle down for the coming night.  Viktor admired the pristine state the city had managed to keep itself in over the past centuries.  Despite such a long passage of time and the massive expansion of the city outwards, the innermost part of Canterlot remained very much the same.  Splice recognized the marketplace where he had first met her, and various other landmarks that reminded him of his previous existence: his old barbershop that was now a styling palace, his favorite clothing store only because it sold hats, and that orphanage that once used DDT to fight off hordes of disease-carrying insects before Splice managed to develop vaccines.  He chuckled.  Some things just don’t change.  By the time Splice reached the foot of Canterlot Castle the sun had set well below the horizon, and Luna’s night reigned victorious.  An early start to a long night, Viktor thought solemnly.  He swerved off the main path and down an alleyway between two large buildings.  Though not the most orthodox way to get there, Viktor knew this path would lead to his old lab.

He trudged through the underbelly of Canterlot, passing broken furniture and homeless ponies begging this nighttime stranger for loose change.  Splice grimaced.  Some things really don’t change.  After what felt like hours the narrow path opened up to reveal a large plaza.  The entire area was comprised of a leveled and smooth assortment of gray bricks, and a lone fountain sitting in the middle served as its only accommodation.  Surrounded by large multistory buildings on three sides and the Royal Castle on the fourth, this plaza proved to be the most inconspicuous and difficult to find area in all of Canterlot – and for good reason too.  Up a small set of stairs to Viktor’s left and wedged under the shadow of Canterlot Castle, two identical buildings sat side-by-side.  They were rectangular in shape, wider and longer than they were tall, and were composed of the same dull-gray color scheme that made up the entire area.  Virtually windowless and hidden from view by the taller buildings in its vicinity, this area could have passed as one of Canterlot’s least important sites if not for the plethora of guards standing sentinel to the two buildings.  Viktor’s eyes lit up.  His old lab sat on the left, filled to the brim with state-of-the-art military technology and the most contemporary volumes of research available.  To his right sat the lab’s accompanying warehouse.  Long ago Celestia had decided that all resources required to produce research equipment were to be shipped to this warehouse; various metals, plastics, and organic materials were sent here daily.  Then, everything from heavy-duty machinery to instruments for individual experimentation would be created within the warehouse and promptly delivered to Splice’s lab.  This would not only allow for more research space within the facility, but would also reduce the risk of dangerous artifacts getting into the wrong hooves during transport.  The last thing Celestia needed was for some nut-job to get a hold of one of Viktor’s neurotoxin-development chambers.  And now this nut-job is going to do just that.

Infiltrating the facilities would be difficult enough with a plan, and Viktor had come here completely unprepared for what obstacles may come his way.  As he observed the structure’s layout, the doors to the main laboratory swung open and three ponies trotted out.  The two ponies on either side of the trio donned white lab coats and wore protective goggles upon their foreheads.  One was a light yellow unicorn mare with a silver mane tucked neatly into a bun, and the other a tan stallion bearing a white mane color and no visible horn.  The brown stallion appeared to be talking animatedly to a third pony walking between the two lab technicians, and the signature chest plate this middle pony wore made his identity unmistakable.  The stallion appeared sturdy and strongly-built, and a look of cold determination constantly filled his eyes – necessary attributes for the Captain of the Royal Guard.

Shining Armor’s patience had been tested during his time in the lab.  Though keeping pace with recent military advancements was part of his job description, he never could comprehend the scientific mumbo-jumbo that took place in this accursed lab.  Beside him, the ever-talkative Dr. Polymer continued to ramble on about the various projects Canterlot Laboratories were currently making progress on.  Shining didn’t even have the energy to inform the tan stallion that such classified information shouldn’t be discussed outside the facility.

“Furthermore, we’ve discovered a new species of orchid within the Everfree that produces an enzyme capable of neutralizing the chemical composition of most known neurotoxins.  With further funding, we shall be able to complete our research and create a vaccine that could be mass produced within the next five years!”  By the time he finished his spiel, Dr. Polymer was practically bouncing down the steps out of pure giddiness.  Shining Armor shot an exasperated glance towards the yellow mare on his left.

“Is he always this enthusiastic?” Shining asked.  Dr. Lattice giggled.

“Polymer has always been one to get excited over his research, ever since he and I were young fillies.”  She smiled.  “It’s what makes him a good researcher.”

“Not just a good researcher Crystal,” Polymer interrupted, “You forget the Princess just appointed me Surgeon General!”  Polymer struck a pose while Lattice rolled her eyes.  Shining forced a smile and addressed the energetic doctor.

“Yes yes we are all aware of your recent promotion, and I am truly happy for you.  But we must remember to keep this research under wraps.  The information this facility has provided over the past few years has launched Equestrian civilization into the new age.  But the recent incident with Nightmare Moon has reminded us of the lab’s central purpose.”

Dr. Polymer nodded.  “Military research.  Don’t worry Mr. Armor, our work is kept under the utmost protection.  Nothing can get in or out without proper clearance and authorization from the top of the top – Princess Celestia herself.”

“Now that’s what I like to hear.  Well, this visit has been… enlightening, but now I must take my leave.”  Shining Armor didn’t even attempt to stifle his yawn.

Crystal Lattice smiled.  “Go home and rest Shining, we’ve got everything covered from here.”

Polymer nodded.  “Indeed.  There’s nothing to worry about old chap.  After all, Lattice and I are in charge now!”  At that he patted Shining on the shoulder and turned back towards the laboratory, followed closely by Dr. Lattice.  Shining sighed.  I don’t get paid enough for this.

The clacking of his hooves as he made his way to Canterlot Castle reverberated through the still air of the night.  Having to walk through the alleys of Canterlot was bad enough during the daytime; walking through them at night would be perceived as the utmost form of torture to most ponies.  But Shining Armor was Captain of the Royal Guard, thusly labeled due to his uncompromising will and indomitable strength.  He possessed magical abilities unknown to even the highest ranking members of Celestia’s personal guard, and nothing a simple slum would throw at him could stand in his way.  However, the unnerving stillness of the entire pathway made Shining tread cautiously.  His ears pricked up and his eyes darted in the darkness should anything threatening jump his way.  After what felt like hours, a small opening signaling the end of the alleyway caught Shining’s attention, and his slow pace progressed into a trot as he made for the exit.  That’s when he heard it.

“Quite the night for a Captain to be out and about, don’t you think?”

The words were dripping with malice.

Shining Armor’s heart skipped a beat and he jumped to immediate attention.  Head swiveling left and right in search of the perpetrator, Shining called out, “Who goes there?  As Captain of the Royal Guard I command you to show yourself!”  A slow wheezing chuckle drawled out, bouncing off the walls and cramming itself down Shining’s ears.

“Now now, there’s no need to get testy Mr. Armor.  After all, you’re supposed to set an example for the citizens of Equestria.  It’d be ever so shameful if they were to learn of the secrets you’ve been hiding in that lab.”

Shining Armor could feel his fur standing on end as the voice spoke, but still he stood his ground.  “I’ll have you know what takes place in that lab is classified for the protection of Equestrian citizens.  These ‘secrets’ you speak of have helped advance Equestrian civilization for the better, and Princess Celestia would never authorize the use of anything that would do otherwise.”

The voice laughed yet again, though this time in a mocking sort of manner.  “Do you really believe that tyrant has done anything to help this world?  It’s because of her negligence and constant interference that the study of knowledge has reached a standstill.  That ‘lab’ is the last relic of scientific advancement, and yet she hides it under her wing as though it were a disfiguring growth protruding from her side.”  At this a horrifying shape pulled itself from the shadows and walked – no, slid – towards Shining Armor.  The Captain’s flesh crawled as he beheld the wicked grin plastered across its face and the demented look captured in its eyes.  “Believe me when I say that Equestria would be much better off without her.”

Shining roared as a bright burst of energy erupted from his horn, striking the monster directly in the chest and piercing through its entirety.  The beast exploded into a shower of shadowy matter, which splattered upon the walls of the alley and promptly melted from existence.  Shining held his gaze where the being had once been, confused, when suddenly he felt his limbs go cold and his body become paralyzed.

A cold voice whispered from behind him.  “And you would be much better off minding your surroundings.”  Shining Armor watched as the floor ran up to meet him, and then all was black.

4 - Wherein Viktor Commits a Heist

Splice did a small dance in place and giggled like a school-filly.  “I can’t believe that actually worked!”

Before him lay the motionless body of Shining Armor, save for the occasional rise and fall of his chest.  Splice knew he’d never stand a chance in a one-on-one battle with the Captain of the Royal Guard, but fortunately his knowledge of pony anatomy allowed him to cast the perfect Paralysis spell on the surprised pony.

The doctor observed every inch of the Shining’s body, taking into account each rippling muscle and minute curvature.  Once he was certain he had a clear mental map of Shining Armor’s build, Viktor closed his eyes and allowed his horn to flare up.  The immense quantity of energy required to correctly cast this spell greatly tested Viktor’s resolve, and soon his knees quivered and threatened to buckle.  The seconds laboriously wore on, eventually melting into a multitude of minutes, but still the doctor held strong.  His will was sorely tested as he pieced together each step of the spell, and he drifted in and out of consciousness quite a few times.  But eventually, thankfully, Viktor was able to breathe a sigh of relief as the magic of the spell seeped out his horn.

It began at his hooves.  Shadows, black as night and wispy like clouds, began to wind their way up the doctor’s legs.  They twisted and writhed – pulsating with the darkness which they embodied – up his legs, around his torso, up his neck, and over his head.  Just as the shadows made their way towards his face, Splice took one last deep breath, and was soon enveloped in a cocoon.  The gaseous ooze continued to swirl around his body.  Dark purples and pinks flashed from within the full-body suit of darkness.  Through the veil Viktor’s purple eyes could be seen, wide open and twinkling with madness.  He shut them for a minute, relinquishing the last bit of evidence that a living entity existed within the shade.  And then all at once, the movement stopped.  Viktor’s eyes shot open, his irises now a bright sky blue rather than a deep violet, and the shadows violently shot outward.  As they dissipated, Viktor’s altered appearance was revealed to the outside world.  His snout had shortened slightly, and his chest now flared out into a much more pronounced form.  The doctor’s slender figure gave way to a more stocky appearance, and his fur had taken on a light alabaster color.  Viktor Splice grinned wryly: the illusion was complete.

Walking towards a nearby puddle, Viktor gazed down into his reflection and was greeted with the visage of Shining Armor.  “Well hellooo beautiful!” the doctor winked at himself.  It was then that he realized his voice still retained its deeper tone.  He mulled this over for some time.  Viktor had only heard Shining’s voice for the first time a few minutes ago, and he was unsure if he could replicate it.  He tested out a few tones, finally settling on one that sounded slightly raspier and higher pitched than his own.  A Voice-Changing spell would be much easier, but I need every ounce of strength available for what’s to come.

Splice pulled Shining’s armor off, placing it upon his own shoulders, and hid his hat and glasses within the chest plate.  Once assured his disguise was complete, Viktor trekked back through the narrow alley and towards Canterlot Laboratories.

Without his glasses, Viktor could barely make out the form of the pony standing guard to the lab’s entrance.  He knew at least a dozen other guards were scattered across the rooftops and immediate vicinity, but the exact number was indiscernible.  Releasing a deep breath to steady his nerves, Splice changed his demeanor to one of stoic indifference and walked towards the lab.

The mare standing guard to Canterlot Laboratories allowed her shoulders to slump and she released a very unfeminine grunt.  Shining Armor had left the labs nearly an hour ago, and Guardian Angel still regretted missing the opportunity to openly flirt with the Captain of the Royal Guard.  She missed his gleaming white coat, the swagger in every step he took, and the smell radiating from him when he had passed by her.  I do hear he’s still single… If only if only, she sighed.  Angel’s eyes gazed upward, expecting to see the same wall of buildings that had trapped her within this plaza since her shift started.  But instead of the endless sea of dull-gray Angel was used to looking at, the mare’s eyes were met with the stunning presence of Shining Armor.  Guardian’s eyes widened as the stallion climbed the steps toward the lab, and if it wasn’t for the intense training regimen she had gone through to obtain this job, her wings would have certainly extended to their full length right about now.

Shining Armor trotted up the stairs with slow measured steps, which allowed Angel the perfect amount of time to drink in his image.  Oh the way his fur glistens in the moonlight, the rippling muscles that extend throughout his legs with every step, and those eyes… She found herself staring deep into Armor’s eyes, unaware that the distance between the two of them was rapidly decreasing.  He just looks so… fierce.  I could easily get lost in that wonderful blue color.  And indeed she did, for Shining was now face-to-face with the love-struck pony and bore a look of confusion as she leaned towards him.  Just as she began humming lightly, Guardian suddenly snapped to consciousness.  With one reflexive motion she thrust her head and shoulders back to attention as her front hoof snapped upward in a form of salute.

“Shining Armor, sir!  To what do I owe the pleasure of your hasty return?  I-I mean…!”  Oh god I actually said pleasure!  Shining Armor did his best to hide his confusion, but Angel could see right through him.  She felt beads of sweat along her back as he spoke.

“I actually require another audience with Dr. Polymer, if that’s okay with you.”

As he spoke, Angel could immediately tell something was wrong.  “Are you okay Sir?  Your voice sounds… hoarse.”  She almost snickered at her own pun.

Armor didn’t share the same level of enthusiasm, and actually appeared put off by her remark.  “I apologize if I sound a bit worse for the wear.  Princess Celestia has had me running around endlessly since her sister’s return.  That, and she’s ordered me to debrief with Polymer twice in one night.”  He sighed.  “As if the first tour wasn’t enough…”

Guardian smiled.  “Yes, Dr. Polymer is quite the handful.  I’m sorry you had to suffer through one of his science lectures.”  She reached a hoof toward his shoulder, but decided against it halfway there.  This left her hoof hanging awkwardly in the air between the two of them.  Shining Armor raised an eyebrow as Angel mentally punched herself again and again.

“Er, yes…” Shining replied as Guardian lowered her hoof.  “So may I speak with Polymer?  Princess’ orders and all.”

This brought Guardian back to alertness.  “Y-Yes of course!  Go right ahead sir, sorry to keep you waiting.”  She opened the door with a flourish and stood erect as Shining walked past her.  As the white unicorn entered the lab, Angel stole one last glance at his flank.  Oh sweet Celestia… she muttered.

Well THAT was interesting.  The mare Viktor just managed to slip by was about as subtle as a screaming dragon, and he could’ve cut the sexual tension in the air with a butter knife.  But now that he was safely within the laboratory, Viktor pulled his glasses out from Shining Armor’s chest plate and observed his surroundings.

He stood in a long white hallway, the end of which branched off into two directions.  Splice glanced to the left, and his gaze was greeted with another long hallway that eventually veered right.  To his right lay another hallway that eventually veered left.  Choosing a direction at random, Viktor headed right.  The sound of his hooves clacking on the floor reverberated throughout the silent area, and locked doors pockmarked the otherwise empty walls.  The entire facility seemed to emanate a foreboding aura that resonated deeply within Viktor, reminding him of a distant memory long forgotten.  He reached into the recesses of his mind, trying to recall exactly why the endless white rooms and heavy metal doors scared him on a primal level, but his subconscious held strong.  For some reason he didn’t want to remember.  Whatever it was would need to wait, for after rounding the corner at the end of the hall, Viktor was once again greeted with a fork in the road.

It’s like this whole place is designed like a labyrinth.  It certainly has changed since I’ve been here.  He was just about ready to use magic to blast his way into the heart of scientific research when he noticed something down the hall to his left.  Instead of leading to another fork in the road, this hallway opened up into a bigger room.  Curious, Viktor stepped forward.

The doctor found himself looking down into one of the largest rooms he’d ever laid his eyes on.  This must have been the very heart of the facility, for the opposing wall sat nearly a football field’s length away, and it was as wide as it was long.  The room dug deep into the ground, and rather than standing on the main floor of the lab, Splice found himself on a raised metal walkway that skirted the perimeter of the entire room.  Every essential piece of equipment needed for his research lay a level below him, dotting the floor of the entire room.  There were rows of lab desks piled with flasks, chemicals, burners, centrifuges, incubators and almost anything else Viktor could think of.  Nearly everything in the room equaled the size of a large stand in the Canterlot marketplace, and the sheer abundance of whirring glowing machinery meant the lab would appear more like a hedge maze to someone who stood within its recesses.  Some of the machinery reached up to the floor Splice stood on, acting as mechanical monoliths rising from this pit of wonder.  Gazing around, Viktor noted the walkway he was on had four doors that led directly onto it: the one he had just exited from and one more on each of the lab’s three other walls.  At the far right corner of the room, the walkway met a set of stairs that led into the depths of the facility.  Above him, the numerous light fixtures built into the ceiling filled the lab with a bright white glow.  Splice almost squeed with delight.

Viktor took note of numerous ponies clothed with white lab coats dotting the lab’s ground floor.  Every one of them was too busy making observations with their equipment to take notice of “Shining Armor’s” reentry.

First thing’s first: I need to find some schematics for this building.  There may be more to this lab than just this one room.  Plus, I need a way to clear this place quickly and discreetly.  He trotted around the walkway to the wall on his left and made his way toward the next door.  A sign above this door read “Personal Offices”.  Nothing would be found there but half-finished documents and family pictures.  Splice continued forward.  The next door read “Volatile Chemicals – GAS MASKS REQUIRED”.  Instantly intrigued, Viktor tried opening the door but was met with an access code requirement. “FFFFFFFFFFF–  Fear not my sweet, I shall return!” Viktor serenaded the door.  Continuing onward, Viktor rounded the corner with the stairs and made it to the fourth and final door.  “Command Center” was printed neatly upon its surface.  Bingo.  Unfortunately, this door too required an access code.  Splice frowned, but inspiration soon struck the malicious doctor.  He trotted back into the hall from whence he entered the lab and towards the entrance of the building.  Opening the door, he stuck his head out into the nighttime air and found himself face-to-face with Guardian Angel.  She grinned.

“Just couldn’t keep yourself away from me, could you?”

‘Shining Armor’ forced a nod.  “How one could keep himself from a mare as – intriguing – as you is a mystery.  But right now isn’t about that.  I need your help.”

“Oh?  And what do you need from me?”  Angel shot Armor a half-lidded and very seductive gaze.

Shining grinned, revealing his razor sharp teeth.  “I need you to not scream.”  At that, the blue in Shining’s eyes changed into a deep purple, and a dark violet aura shot from his horn and surrounded Guardian’s face.  The mare opened her mouth, which was promptly robbed of any sound.  Her dilated pupils began to spin in small circles, and her irises gave way to hypnotic swirls that filled eyes.  She staggered for a few moments, then stood rigid and stared straight ahead.

“I am at your disposal, Master,” she droned.

Viktor, who now looked like Viktor due to the fact that maintaining two spells simultaneously proved to be tremendously difficult, grinned wickedly.  “Go inside and open the doors reading ‘Command Center’ and ‘Volatile Chemicals’.  Don’t get caught.  I’ll meet you in the Command Center after I… round up a few of your fellow guards.”

Guardian nodded.  “As you wish, Sir.”

Viktor Splice quickly clacked away at the computer, bringing up plans for the facility’s layout and inventory.  A dozen guards stood scattered throughout the room, either watching the entrances or standing over the handful of scientists who now lay unconscious on the floor.  The doctor now wore his signature hat and glasses, and Shining’s armor had been chucked into one corner of the room.  Angel stood behind Viktor, focusing her swirling eyes on the unicorn as he barked out orders.

“Angel, I need you to take another guard – preferably a unicorn – with you to the Chemical room.  Take out any scientists you find discreetly.  We don’t want to get caught during this heist.  Find enough gas masks for all of us and destroy the rest.  Got it?”

“Of course Master,” Angel saluted.  She grabbed the nearest unicorn guard and together they made their way out of the control room.

Viktor turned his gaze to the three unicorns and two Earth ponies standing to his right.  “You five are coming with me.  We’re going to bust into this lab’s adjoining warehouse.  According to the database, there’s an underground railway system in case of emergencies or military threats.  Its entrance is located in the warehouse.  I want you to help me take out any ponies we find there.  After that, you three,” he motioned towards the unicorns, “will follow me into the tunnels under this lab.  On my signal, we’ll focus our magic attacks on these three main support beams,” he pointed to a blueprint of the lab’s structure on the computer screen.  “That’ll blast open an entrance into the floor of the main research facility.  You two,” he gestured to the two Earth ponies, “will need to have high-jacked the train by then.  Meet us at the tunnel under this lab so we can load the equipment onto the cargo carts.”

At this, Angel and the other guard returned with a large assortment of gas masks.  Once they all had the masks securely fixed onto their muzzles, Splice continued.

“Angel, I need you to create a distraction.  According to this data the main pipe of the neurotoxin chamber is located in a causeway buried directly beneath the Chemical room.  Find it, and have your unicorn friend crush it.  That should increase the pressure in the chamber to unstable levels, giving me and the rest of the guards the time we need to carry out this plan.  Go now, I’ll telepathically contact you when we’re ready.”  Angel nodded, leaving the room with her fellow guard in tow.

“And as for you five,” Viktor looked toward remaining five pegasus guards standing throughout the room.  “You stay here and watch the computer,” he tapped a hoof on top of the desktop, which currently had five flash drives protruding from it.  There was so much research material hidden in the laboratory’s database that it took multiple USBs stolen from the unconscious scientists to carry it all.  “Once the download is complete, keep this room protected until you hear the neurotoxin chamber go off.  That’ll be your signal to clear out anypony remaining in the facility.  The other unicorns and I will blast a hole into the tunnels, at which point you’ll help us load every bit of equipment onto the train.  With any luck, we’ll have this heist complete before the real authorities arrive.”

Every guard present saluted the demented doctor.  Viktor, followed by five other ponies, made his way out of the control room and back to the laboratory’s entrance.  As he scurried along the metal walkway in the facility’s center, he caught a glimpse of multiple researchers dashing to and fro, thoroughly focused on their work.  Splice almost felt sorry for the unsuspecting saps – soon they’d be running in fear.

Luna’s moon shone brightly in the sky, a lonely witness to the unspeakable crimes to come. With no guards on duty, it was a simple hop, skip, and a jump for the group to break into the adjacent warehouse.  Inside, the place was teeming with activity.  Industrial-strength furnaces lit the room with an intense orange glow.  Large beams of metallic ore waiting to be smelted sat in piles throughout the room, and numerous forklifts drifted about, carrying pieces of machinery waiting to be constructed.  The workers – which appeared to consist of a few dozen Earth ponies – expressed no emotion whatsoever as they performed their duties in an automated fashion.  Viktor made a few hoof gestures, indicated which path each of the five guards would take in clearing the room.  Once clear on the objective, the six ponies broke formation and got to work.

Not a sound could be heard save for the soft growl of the furnaces and the occasional clink of metal on metal.  Even as Viktor incapacitated worker after worker, the spells he cast rendered them silent.  Across the room, Splice watched his Earth pony guards using a mixture of martial arts and gymnastics to silently attack their prey.  The doctor smiled and shook his head.  Celestia sure picks the strangest employees.

Viktor crept up behind his final victim – a light blue stallion lifting girders using a forklift.  Just before knocking him out, Viktor noticed something different about this particular worker: he was smiling.  Not only that, but his head bobbed up and down in time to some unheard beat.  Upon closer inspection, Viktor noticed white wires protruding from his ears and meeting inside of his vest pocket.  Curious, Splice quickly knocked the pony unconscious and retrieved the device.

The unicorn gazed inquisitively at the object in his hooves.  According to the database he’d just hacked into, personal music players were still in the developing stages in the Canterlot Laboratories.  They still weren’t available for public usage.  I guess working for the lab gives one special privileges.  He stuck the headphones into his ears and pressed play.  A mixture of drum samples and electronic frequencies met his eardrums in a most alluring fashion, and as he switched from song to song the doctor became very fond of this new style of music.  Curious, he glanced at the screen.  Hmm, so this is what music is like today huh?  Yeahh I could get used to this…  He continued to flip through the virtual channels until he found something he liked.  Head bobbing along to the music, Viktor rendezvoused with the others in the center of the warehouse.

Six ponies stood around the hatch leading to the warehouse tunnels.  One grinned with a devilish glint in his eye while the others stared straight ahead with swirling irises.  Viktor popped open the hatch, leading the five guards down into the depths of the underground railroad.  The tunnel appeared as though it hadn’t been used in centuries.  Pitch-black save for the occasional magic-lantern and smelling strongly of mold, the entire “subway system” felt more like a cavern intended for mineral extraction.  Wooden beams lined the walls, twisted and rotted from years of disuse, and a perpetual dripping sound could be heard emanating from somewhere in the cave.  The tunnel stretched endlessly in two directions and branched off into even more routes further on, created intentionally so the train would have multiple escape routes.  A thick fog appeared to linger at a fixed point in the distance, clouding up the depths of the tunnel anywhere he looked.  Splice gazed a ways down the corridor to his left and took note of the three main support beams mentioned in the blueprints.  To his right sat the core of his escape plan.

Each cart of the train consisted of nothing more than a large bed of metal attached to four wheels.  At thirty feet long and ten feet wide, the individual cart would hold at max three to four items of scientific importance, and the largest machines would need to harbor their own cart.  Fortunately, this train was designed for drastic situations requiring mass transport, and its full length extended deep into the foggy distance.  Viktor could count up to twenty carts before losing sight of the entire convoy, but he still couldn’t make out the train engine.  He looked toward the two Earth ponies.

“Go.  Find the engine, get it running, and back this baby up.  I want the lead cart directly under that lab when we start unloading.”  The guards nodded simultaneously and trotted off into the tunnel.  Viktor turned back to the other guards, all of whom stood ready for action beneath the three main support beams.  Splice walked beside them and smiled.  Let’s get this party started.

Dr. Polymer sat in his office when the first explosion went off.  The entire laboratory seemed to shake at its very foundation, and an automated voice sounded over the intercom system: “Attention all personnel, please evacuate the facility immediately.  Gas pressure levels in Chamber 2-C have reached unstable levels and consequently erupted.  Lethal amounts of neurotoxins are currently leaking throughout the facility.  Warning level Code 3-3-9: Evacuate the premises immediately.”  Polymer bolted upright and ran through the halls towards the facility’s research center.  The clacking of his hooves echoed throughout the empty halls, but once he approached the door to the lab’s center, cries of agony and fear reached his ears.  He thrust his body against the door and beheld a most distressing sight.  Ponies dressed in white lab coats ran to and fro, scrambling up the one staircase in the facility and towards the exit.  Guardian Angel and a unicorn guard trotted out of the Chemical room, followed closely by a sickly mustard-brown gas leaking from the open door.  Those caught in the poison ran in silence, knowing better than to breathe in the toxic chemicals, but those who made it free of the gas used the opportunity to scream at the tops of their lungs.  Five pegasi bearing gas masks and plates of armor fluttered about the room, carrying ponies towards the exit and beckoning them outside.  The room was utter chaos.

Just as Polymer was about to call out to one of the guards, a second explosion rocked the facility to its core.  Chunks of cement and dust flew up from the center of the floor, and out of the resulting hole rose four unicorns.  Three of them Polymer recognized as guards to the facility, but the fourth… Viktor Splice ran up the stairs and into the control room before Polymer really got a good look at him.

Splice skidded to a stop in front of the lab’s central computer, removing the five USBs and shoving them under his beret.  Pulling out his stolen personal music player and propping open the intercom system control panel, Viktor began fiddling with a plethora of wires.  After a few minutes, a piercingly loud screech of feedback rang throughout the facility, momentarily catching everypony’s attention.  Splice smiled and made his way out of the control room as music blasted over the intercom.

Polymer watched in horror.  Eruptions blasted apart the walls of the facility, causing toxins to pour in from every corner of the room and fires to spread throughout.  The guards once ordered to protect those in the labs were now helping a demented unicorn rob the center of Equestrian health and defense research.  Unicorn magic ripped large machinery from the floors, pegasi snatched up every tool of scientific importance, and bit by bit the very essence of the facility disappeared down the proverbial rabbit hole.  The unknown unicorn chose not to participate in the actual robbery.  Instead, this unicorn appeared to be dancing in the center of the room, and over the sounds of screams and explosions he could be heard singing along with the music:

“Why am I always slept on, dreamt on, napped upon?

When honestly I’m probably something of a prodigy.

I discord harmony there is no apology

Wanna shine like a Wonderbolt strike like a thunderbolt.”

Polymer bolted around the bend, hoping to reach the staircase and confront the deranged unicorn.  But a strike of purple energy broke the walkway in front of Polymer, causing him to plummet to the lab’s main floor.  Viktor laughed.

“How can you manage eruptions so savage?

Blasts so massive, kilotons of damage

Try to stop the madness I didn’t really plan this

And now you wanna know who the hell this man is?”

Viktor strut up to Polymer’s quivering mass.  He removed his gas mask without any regards to the gases slowly filling the room, and Polymer was met with the eyes of a madman.  Viktor smiled, revealing impossibly sharp teeth.

“That here’s what I am:

I am an Atomizer… Atomizer…”

Purple magic surrounded Polymer, lifting his limp body to face Viktor.  As soon as they made eye contact, Polymer attempted to plead with the mad pony

“Please stop this!  You aren’t well!  I can help you.”

Viktor halted.  Polymer reminded him of someone, and hearing him utter that phrase – You aren’t well – caused something to resurface in his mind.  The song continued.

“Fires will be blazing

Shocking

Tasing

No Respiration…”

Now Viktor saw it.  He was trapped in a white room with a heavy metal door, completely restrained by a straight jacket and a horn-protector.  A stallion dressed in a white lab coat loomed above him, accompanied by a grim-faced nurse bearing a clipboard and face mask.  The stallion looked very much like Polymer, and as he smiled down at Viktor he said, “You aren’t well.  I can help you.”  At that, the stallion pulled out a large rusted blade and an equally filthy syringe.  Splice screamed.

Polymer found himself flying across the room.  He slammed into the wall, cracking its surface and his back.  Before he could fall to the floor Viktor magically grasped him again and flung him to the other side of the room.  Polymer coughed up blood.  Looking up, he saw Viktor, lost in his own mixture of hatred, aggression, fear, and insanity.  Just before Viktor could deliever the final blow Guardian Angel piped up.

“Sir!  We’re loaded and ready to go!”

“I am an Atomizer… Atomizer… I am an Atomizer… Atomizer. I am an Atomizer… Atomizer.”

Viktor glared at Polymer once more.  “This isn’t over.”  At that, he sprinted off towards Angel and the hole.  They jumped down together and landed amidst a plethora of machines on the last cart of the train.  Viktor telepathically called out to the driver, and then they were off.  As the train gained speed, Splice and the other four unicorns blasted the roof of the cave, causing the ceiling to collapse and block off the cave behind them.  With a multitude of twists and turns ahead and no way to be followed, Splice and his cronies made a clean getaway.

Polymer on the other hand lay defeated on the floor of the lab.  A mixture of neurotoxin and flames made its way towards the incapacitated Earth pony.  But just as he was ready to accept his fate, he felt himself being lifted off the ground by a light yellow aura.  He looked to his side.  There stood Dr. Crystal Lattice, her horn glowing and her face bearing a look of pain and concentration.  She placed Polymer on her back and sprinted from the burning building.  Up the stairs out the door through the hall and into the night, both of them holding their breaths all the while.  Once they made it outside Crystal collapsed, and they both blacked out as the facility exploded.

Some Time Later

Twelve guards stood downcast and shackled before the Royal Sisters.  Princess Celestia towered above them menacingly, her stern gaze boring into each of them.  Her voice boomed throughout the hall, loud enough for every palace guard nearby to hear.

“Now I want you all to explain to me what happened.  Despite the horrendous crimes you have committed this night, you deserve a fair hearing before simply being punished.”

A blue pegasus timidly spoke up.  “Like we said, we don’t remember anything that happened.”  A nearby palace guard scoffed.  “Do you really expect the Princess to believe your lies?  You’d better just tell us what happened before we—”  “That’s enough Lieutenant,” Celestia interrupted.  The guard visibly blanched and backed away.  Celestia addressed the shackled ponies.

“Tell me everything you do remember.”  Individually each guard told a similar story: they were busy patrolling the area and doing their rounds, when suddenly their limbs went cold and they collapsed unconscious.  Once they woke up, they found themselves lying at the foot of the gates to Canterlot surrounded by armed palace guards.  Celestia listened to each of their stories intently.  She turned to Guardian Angel.  “And you?”

Angel shuffled uncomfortably.  “I saw who attacked me…”  All heads in the room turned to look at her, but she remained silent.  After a few moments, Luna was the first to speak up.

“AS YOUR PRINCESS WE DEMAND YOU REVEAL THE IDENTITY OF THE CULPRIT TO US SO THAT HE OR SHE MAY BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE!”  Guardian nearly fainted.

“Sister!” Celestia scolded.  Luna smiled sheepishly.  “Please let me handle this.”  Celestia turned back to Guardian, this time using a comforting gaze and a softer tone of voice.  “Angel please, we must know who did this.  The hospitals have been filled with those suffering from neurotoxin poisoning and 3rd-degree burns, and already some have not made it.  We need to know who is responsible.”

Guardian shifted.  “Well… The one who attacked me… was… Shining Armor…”  Everybody in the room gasped.  Shining, who stood in the back of the room covered in bandages, spoke up angrily.  “That’s a lie!  I was attacked too!  And the creature that got me looked more like a creepy mud monster than anything else!”

Angel sputtered.  “No wait let me finish!  It was you, but it wasn’t you… When I was attacked, the Shining Armor I saw transformed into some strange pony I’d never seen before.”

Celesita raised an eyebrow.  “And what did this pony look like?” She asked.

Angel shrugged.  “I don’t know.  All I remember were dark purple eyes and razor sharp teeth.”

Celestia stiffened and Luna’s eyes opened wide.  Everybody in the room was very taken aback – the Royal Sisters were always very collected, so seeing them react so violently was unheard of.  Shining Armor rushed to their sides.  “Princesses!  Are you okay?”

Celestia shook herself and regained her composure.  “Yes we’re fine.  And you say this pony had razor sharp teeth?”  Angel nodded.  “Very well.  Guards!  Release these ponies and drop all charges against them.  They were not in their right minds when they took part in this heist, and I do not believe they will be a threat.”  The palace guards nodded and led the twelve ponies from the room.  Once the room was empty of everybody except the sisters and Shining Armor, Celestia spoke up.  “Bring him in now Shining, and then leave us.”  He nodded and left the room.

A few moments later an Earth pony limped into the room.  His legs were wrapped in bandages and one of them dragged uselessly behind him.  Fresh scars and burns marked his face, and on his back he wore a large metal brace.  Dr. Polymer stopped in front of Celestia and attempted to bow, which only caused sharp pains to run up his spine.

“Please Polymer remain standing, you’re only going to hurt yourself.  Now I understand that you actually saw the culprit face to face, is this correct?”  Polymer nodded.  “Who was it?”

The doctor cleared his throat.  “I do not know the name of the thief, but I assure you that I know who he is.  He is a lost soul.  Lost in his own dementia and insanity.  That thing can no longer be called a pony.  He’s a monster, and I know that he will stop at nothing until I am dead.”  Polymer knees clacked together as he stood there shaking with fear.

“And as for his appearance?”  Luna prompted.

Polymer closed his eyes.  “Dark charcoal fur, blue and silver stripped hair, purple eyes, thick glasses, a hat…”  His face scrunched in consideration.

“And sharp teeth?”  Celestia asked.  Polymer nodded.  “And sharp teeth.  Like a shark.”

Luna shared a look with her sister before addressing Polymer once again.  “And did you see his cutie mark?”

Polymer strained to remember.  “Yes I did… I believe it was some sort of hydrocarbon molecule… a steroid perhaps?  Ah yes!  His cutie mark was a picture of cholesterol.”

Celestia and Luna looked at each other once more, both wearing expressions of fear and agony.  Polymer had never seen the princesses like this before, and it made him quite uncomfortable.  Celestia opened the hall doors with her magic and gestured into the next room.  “Thank you for your help Polymer.  You may rejoin the others now.”  And at that, he left.

Once the doors were closed the goddess of the sun released a pent-up sigh.  She walked towards an open window, her steps heavy from the weight of the burden now on her mind.  Below her lay Canterlot, the wonderfully extravagant city known for its high level of sophistication and civilization, now a place of chaos and disarray as ponies scrambled throughout the streets.  Despite the fact that it was deep into the middle of the night and the sunrise was only a few hours away, the entire city was busy with activity.  Lights shone in every house, palace guards flew about trying to maintain order, and the line leading into the hospital stretched far.  Smoke could be seen rising from somewhere off to the side of the castle, and Celestia knew that was where the center of health and military research once stood.  Now there was nothing, nothing at all, to provide protection for the future.  Celestia hung her head as her tears fell to the floor.  She felt something brush against her side, but didn’t bother to look up.  Luna’s voice met her ears.

“Please do not cry sister.  This was not your fault.”  Celestia looked up at her sister, who smiled comfortingly.  Celestia sniffed.

“Luna, what do we do?  He’s back.  After one thousand years he’s back!  How?  Why??  What—” Luna put a hoof to her mouth.

“Sister, I was not here when Splice became this beast you speak of.  All I know is what you’ve told me since my return.  But if this is indeed the same Viktor Splice I once knew, then all we can do now is prepare for what is to come.”  Celestia nodded slowly.  Her sister was right – hell Luna was always right.  If Viktor really was back, Celestia knew he’d be coming for her.  Viktor Splice would not rest until the Princess of the Sun was dead, and she had to get ready for the day he came for her.  Luna spoke up again.

“Are you going to tell Twilight Sparkle and the others?”

Celestia shook her head.  “There’s no point in making them worry.  In fact, it’s best we prevent news of this from ever leaving Canterlot.  If Viktor doesn’t want to be found, then he won’t be found, and there’s no point in spreading panic throughout Equestria.  We’ll just have to wait to see what he does next.  Hopefully next time we’re ready.”

Luna smiled.  “We will be sister.  We will be.”  Together they looked out over Canterlot and attempted to enjoy the gentle breeze.

Somewhere in the Everfree, Viktor’s plans were being set in motion.

5 - Wherein Jean Splice is Born

The Previous Day

Ponyville was in a panic.  Colts and filles alike ran to and fro, pounding on doors and asking neighbors if they’d heard the news.  Twilight’s library, once a house of knowledge and hospitality, had been turned inside out by some unnamed culprit and was in serious need of reorganization.  But the studious purple mare was not busy cataloguing her inventory.  Instead she, like most of Ponyville, had gathered at Sweet Apple Acres to get a good view of the real damage that had been done.  A large crowd stood around the barn and the edge of the apple fields, the early morning sun reflecting off of their collective coats.

Dozens of apple trees had been stripped bare of their produce, a financial setback which would cost the Apple family dearly.  Inside the barn, Applejack stood with her brother Big Mac, their sister Applebloom, and Applejack’s five closest friends.  Twilight Sparkle and her friends did their best to comfort AJ, who pounded at the floor of the now empty barn fuming and crying in agony.

“It just ain’t fair!  Who in their right minds would come in here and take so much from us?  We ain’t never done wrong by nopony!”  She glanced around the bare walls with red eyes and gritted teeth.  “Ah’ just don’t understand.  Everypony knows we need our farm to survive.  It’s how we get by…”  She broke down in a fit of tears and gasping breaths.  Fluttershy hugged her tightly, allowing Applejack to lean into her and cry softly.  Rainbow Dash hovered into the air.

“Uh-uh, no way.  Nobody is gonna hurt my friends like this. Come on girls, we need to go find this thief so I can give em’ a piece of my mind!”  She started to take off, but felt the tug of Twilight’s magic pull her to the ground.

“Rainbow, please calm down,” Twilight pleaded, “We don’t even know who did this.”

Rarity sat next to Rainbow Dash.  “Twilight is right darling.  And even if we did know who was responsible there’s no guarantee we’ll be able to find him… or her.  This pony, or ponies, could be long gone by now!”

“Ah reckon they can’t be too far.”  Big Mac’s voice boomed throughout the barn, catching the attention of every pony present.  He surveyed the room for a few seconds, and then turned to the six mares.  “This no-good varmint stole our entire stock of farm tools and most of our produce.  And unless it was a group of unicorns each as powerful as Ms. Sparkle here, which is very unlikely, I’d say they’re still somewhere on the outskirts of town lugging our goods along with them.  If they ain’t still in Ponyville, I reckon they’re somewhere nearby.”

Twilight nodded.  “You’re right.  We may be dealing with a whole group of ponies.  If we hurry we may be able to catch them.  Wait here.”  Twilight disappeared in a flash of purple light, only to reappear seconds later with a checklist in her grasp and a very dizzy Spike at her side.  She pushed the checklist and a quill into Spike’s hands.  “Focus Spike, we need to organize a search party.  Everypony please gather round.”  Twilight stepped out of the barn and into the crowd that had gathered.  She called out names and assigned tasks to each group.  This group would search the apple fields, this one would check the school, this one the town hall, and so on in that fashion.  Once everybody had left to fulfill their duties, Twilight turned back to the small group in the barn.

“Now I need some information from Big Mac and Applejack.  Does your family have any strained relationships or unpleasant interactions with anybody?  Enemies?  Competing businesses?”

Applejack shook her head.  “Nah Twi, you know us.  We don’t have any issues with nopony.  Folks from across Equestria come to buy our apples, and I sure don’t think we have any competitors.”  Spike jotted all this down on the scroll as Applejack spoke.

“Can you not think of any reason someone would do this?  Any motives at all?”  Twilight asked.  Again Applejack shook her head.  Twilight’s brow scrunched in thought.  “Okay, so we have a thief of unknown identity and no known motives.  Can you give a rundown of what was stolen?”

This time Big Mac spoke up.  “Everything in the barn, which just means all our farm tools and equipment.  Nothing in the house was stolen though.”

Applejack’s eyes widened.  “You think someone is purposely trying tah sabotage our business??”

Pinkie gasped.  “Oh my gosh!  Who would do such a thing?!  The Apples are the nicest ponies in all of Equestria!  And everypony loves your apples, especially the zap apples, though those only come like once every year.  What’s up with that anyway?  I mean I know they’re super rare and all but don’t you save any throughout the year to sell later?  Zap apple jam is sooo tasty, especially when it’s served—”

“Pinkie!”  Twilight shouted.  Pinkie stuffed her hoof into her mouth midsentence.  “Thank you.  Now Applejack, though I hate to say it I have to admit all evidence points to a sabotage.  Somebody wants your business to fail, though for what reason I’m not sure.  Perhaps a new competitor is rising and they want to take you out of the market as a precaution.”

Everyone in the barn gasped.  A competitor in the apple business?  But why would they want to steal from the Apples?  Couldn’t some sort of cooperative deal be worked out?

“But why would somepony want to steal from us?”  Applejack asked.  “Couldn’t some sort of cooperative deal be worked out?”

Twilight shook her head.  “I won’t attempt to understand the thought process of a thief.  All we know is someone is out to get you.  Your business won’t be safe until the culprit, or culprits, are apprehended.”

There was an awkward silence as everybody considered the prospect of a new thieving apple competitor.  “So then what do we do?”  Fluttershy spoke up timidly.

Every pony present looked to Twilight, who shrugged.  “For now, we help the others.  We need to check every nook and cranny in Ponyville.  Once we’re certain the town is secure we can look into the surrounding area.”

With that, the group left the barn and headed into Ponyville to help search for the unnamed culprit.  Applejack and her siblings helped the group searching the apple fields.  Rainbow Dash took to the skies, leading a group of pegasi as they scanned the perimeter of Ponyville.  Twilight and Pinkie Pie went back to Twilight’s library, hoping to find clues in the mess the thief had left behind.  Since Fluttershy lived near the Everfree Forest, she was entrusted with checking the edge of the forest for clues.  Venturing into the forest was out of the question due to the dangers within, but Twilight believed anypony hiding out in its depths would leave clues near the edge of the forest.  Rarity accompanied Fluttershy, knowing the yellow pegasus would be too frightened to complete the task without someone near her, and Spike insisted on tagging along “for safety reasons”.

Much of the day was spent hopelessly searching for clues with virtually no leads whatsoever.  Nopony had seen the robbery in action, and the culprit hadn’t left any evidence as to who they were or what they wanted.  Twilight sat in her library, flipping through and categorizing the mess of books strewn about the floor.  She took note of anything that was missing or out of place, and Pinkie wrote down her findings on a scroll.   Once all the books were back in their proper places on the shelves, she sat next to Pinkie and examined the scroll.

“Okay, so it appears I’m missing a handful of books.  Quantum Mechanical Structures of Biochemistry, Pony Anatomy – Biomedical Applications, All Things Science for Dummies, Higher Level Differential Equations in Multiple Dimensions… I don’t get it, was the thief a doctor?”

Pinkie pointed to the bottom of the scroll.  “Don’t forget Electrical Engineering – A Comprehensive Guide!  Aww this thief likes science-y books almost as much as you Twilight.”

“Yes but this is a library.  All they had to do was come in here and ask for the books.  There must be a reason they stole these books in particular... Wait what’s that!”  Her hoof brought Pinkie’s attention to another title hastily scrawled at the bottom of the page.

“Oh you said that one kind of fast, I only got the first part: The Mare in the Moon-“

“Nightmare Moon’s Banishment.”  Twilight finished.  “Why would anypony want to read that?  It’s just a small text on basic Equestrian history that’s common knowledge to most every filly and colt.”  She brought her forehooves to her head and rubbed her temples vigorously.  “Whoever this thief is they sure have us fooled.  Stealing apples and books on quantum theory just doesn’t add up.”

“Unless they’re using the apples to do the adding!”  Pinkie Pie shouted victoriously.  Twilight just groaned.

Meanwhile, Rarity, Spike, and a very shaky Fluttershy made their way around the edge of the Everfree Forest.  Fluttershy’s bunny Angel sat upon her back, arms crossed and brow furrowed in obvious impatience.  After scouting the trees near Fluttershy’s cottage, the group had begun walking the entire length of the forest that bordered Ponyville.  Hours past with nothing to show for it other than sore hooves and the occasional splinter.  As the sun began to lower past the horizon, Rarity released a small sigh.

“Can we go home now?  We’ve been walking for hours, and I’m afraid all this sweating may be bad for my complexion.”

Spike nodded in agreement.  “I think we should go too.  This place gives me the creeps.”

Fluttershy, though the most frightened of them all, continued forward.  “Twilight trusted us to look for clues.  If somepony thinks they can rob my friends…” she gulped, “then they have another thing coming.  Right?”

Rarity smiled at her friend.  “You’re right darling.  Oh Fluttershy, sometimes you do surprise me with your tenacity.  Very well!  Come along then, we want to be finished before sundown.”

As they trotted away, Angel hopped down from Fluttershy’s back and began tapping his foot on the ground furiously.  Fluttershy turned back to him.  “Angel bunny, we need to go before sundown.”  Angel stood his ground, arms crossed and eyes glaring as he pounded at the floor.  Spike, his patience worn, took charge.

“Look dude, I don’t know what your problem is, but I don’t want to hang around this forest for long.  So let’s,” he picked a rather angry and squirmy Angel off the ground, “go!”

And with that, the group made the trek back to Fluttershy’s cottage, completely ignoring the large wagon tracks imprinted in the ground that Angel so clearly saw.

Back in Twilight’s library, the group of six friends sat in a circle and presented their findings.  Needless to say, the results were minimal.  Rainbow Dash and her group had thought they’d seen an unidentified pegasus making a break for it towards the Badlands and ended up following a cloud halfway through Equestria.  Applejack and her family had spent so long searching through the orchard that even she began to grow sick of the sight of a bright red apple.  Fluttershy was ashamed to report nothing of interest while Spike took Rarity into the bathroom to help her remove a large splinter she’d gotten during their trek.  As Twilight listened to each of her friends relate their observations, she made notes on an empty scroll, placing it down on top of the reports prepared by other Ponyville residents once she finished.  She huffed.

“Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  The entire town has spent all day looking for clues and we’ve come up with nothing!” She threw herself onto her back dramatically.  “It just doesn’t make any sense!”

Fluttershy spoke up.  “Um, to be fair, we didn’t exactly go into the forest to look for the thief.  Maybe they’re in there?”

Twilight sat up, shaking her head.  “You said there was nothing of interest near the edge of the forest.  And you aren’t the only group I had searching for clues there.  No, if somepony had entered the forest, they would have left a sign.”

At this, Angel, who sat on Fluttershy’s back, hopped off and began bouncing up and down furiously.  “What’s wrong with him?”  Rainbow Dash asked.

“I’m not sure, he’s been acting this way since we were near the Everfree.”  Fluttershy attempted to nuzzle the frustrated bunny, but he just shoved her face away and continued throwing a tantrum.  Spike and Rarity walked back into the room as Angel began kicking at Fluttershy in frustration.

“Oh not this again,” Spike groaned.  “Fluttershy no offense, but I think putting up with that little guy isn’t worth the effort.

“He usually doesn’t act this way,” Fluttershy attempted to explain even as Angel began pulling at her hair.  “Maybe he just needs some rest; we’ve both had a long day.  I’ll see you girls tomorrow.”  And with that, she scooped up the angry bunny and made for home.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to be going too darling.”  Rarity said to nopony in particular.  “This thief has made such an absolute mess of things, and I could really go for a nice trip to the spa.  Ta-ta for now~!”

“I don’t know about a spa treatment, but a nap sure does sound nice right about now.  See ya Twi.”  Rainbow Dash said as she zipped off.

One by one they all left, leaving Spike and Twilight alone in the library.  Twilight lay her head in her forehooves, and Spike sat next to the deflated mare.

“You alright Twilight?  Want me to get you some tea or something?”

“No thanks Spike.  I just need some time to think.”

Spike nodded.  He knew that whenever the studious mare had some conundrum or another on her mind, it was best to leave her alone until she worked it out.  He hobbled upstairs, sore from an entire day of walking on twigs and various bits of forest litter.  Twilight, however, pulled herself up and plopped herself next to her writing desk.  Her horn sparked to life, beckoning a scroll, quills, and jars of ink to her desk.  She dipped the quill in the ink and looked out the window.  By now, the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon, and it would only be a few more minutes until the moon peeked from behind the mountains.  Twilight took a small breath to steady herself and began to put her thoughts onto paper:

To my BBBFF,

It’s been some time since I’ve heard from you.  I guess that’s to be expected, considering you’ve finally managed to climb the ranks to Captain of the Royal Guard.  I’m so proud of you, and I don’t think I can tell you that enough.  You always dreamed of being the stallion you are now, and you had the strength of mind and body to make that dream a reality.  What am I saying?  You still have that fortitude – it’s just one of your many wonderful qualities.  You’re always willing to use your strength for the betterment of others and society itself.  In fact, I’ve come to rely on your aid and love throughout the years.  And it’s for this reason that I write to you today.

Strange things are happening here Shining, things that I cannot explain.  No, I’m not talking about Nightmare Moon’s return, although it has only been a few days since that whole incident…  As much as I hate to say it, I fear something much worse is threatening to rear its ugly head.  And to be honest, I don’t know if I’m ready for it.

My friend Applejack has been robbed.  She’s the farmpony on Sweet Apple Acres if you don’t remember.  And this wasn’t a petty robbery mind you – this was something far more sinister.  The thief, or thieves, stole her entire inventory of farm equipment.  Everything from shovels to saddles to sandpaper, and to make matters worse a large quantity of her trees were stripped bare!  I don’t know what to think Shining; I’m scared.  Someone or something is out there, waiting for just the right moment to strike.

I need you now more than ever.  Please, if you know of any strange happenings around Equestria you must let me know.  This theft is something much more than a new apple competitor.  I just know it.

With love, your sister,

Twilight Sparkle

Twilight lay down her quill and capped her ink.  She read over the letter once more, checking to make sure all she needed to say was said.  Satisfied, she rolled up and bounded the letter, setting it aside for Spike to send in the morning.  For now, all she wanted to do was rest.

Twilight climbed the steps to her room.  She carefully stepped around the sleeping dragon already curled up in his bed, and lay herself onto her sheets.  Moonlight shone upon her face, and as she stared out the window she couldn’t swallow the feeling of dread lodged in her throat.  She knew something bad was about to happen.

What she didn’t know was that during that very night, Viktor Splice was busy raiding and destroying the Canterlot Laboratories.  In a few hours he would be standing at the head of a convoy of stolen equipment, riding through the underground tunnels of Equestria without a care in the world.  He would emerge unscathed in the heart of the Everfree Forest, mane rustling in the wind and manic laughter ringing out for miles around:  “Ahahahaha!”  He shouts.  “Soon I shall have my reve-*cough cough* ack ah!  Fucking bugs…”

Later That Night

Much of the Everfree Forest remained quiet, the only exceptions being the occasional nocturnal predator and the laboratory of one Viktor Splice.  Now fixated with two access-control paneled doors and a nice set of barred windows, the lab served as a beacon in the dead of night.  A bright yellow glow emanated from the light fixtures in the second story, illuminating the surrounding area.  Inside a deranged unicorn applied the finishing touches to his new layout, making sure everything was just so.

“Welcome home ladies!  It’s good to have all my favorite equipment back,” Viktor said as he polished a large incubator.  “And I’m always happy to accept a few more additions,” he cooed towards a large computer sitting at the center of the room.  Wires ran up the walls and across the roof, making the entire lab appear more like the nest of a black widow.  Viktor darted to and fro, plugging in his new machinery to the electrical mainframe running about his house and setting up new equipment on the various tables now aligned along the walls.  Using his magic, he shoved a thick wad of wires into the wall and down towards the fruit cellar, which now contained a multitude of generators as well as apples.  He had enough energy to last for months or even years, but he knew that was no reason to slack.  Viktor Splice had work to do.

Once he was certain everything was up and running, Viktor trotted downstairs to the first floor of his lab.  This room was cluttered even more than his second floor.  Random bits of farm equipment lay scattered about.  Wooden planks, metallic sheets, glass panes, shovels, and even a large yoke sat in a large overstocked pile.  Viktor magically sorted through the pile, looking for bits that could be used for what he had in mind.  Metal metal metal, anything metal.  Oh this glass looks nice.  Ooo, and are these electrical cables?  Well don’t mind if I do…  He trotted back upstairs, followed by a plethora of floating resources.  Setting them on the floor next to him, he turned his attention to the four stolen machines that served him no purpose whatsoever.  Splice glanced over the large hunks of metal with a look of distaste.  Seriously, steam power is so outdated, why would they even have this?  And what’s the purpose of a computer system that predicts weather conditions WHEN WEATHER IS CONTROLLED BY PONIES??  I swear some people… Oh and is this used to predict tectonic activity?  That’s cute.  The only earthquakes from here on out will be the ones I bring to Celestia’s doorstep.  And what is th… he stopped midthought.  In front of him sat a very queer-looking spherical object supported by two large metallic beams.  Viktor pried open the machine with his magic, and was surprised when he found himself in the presence of degraded radioactive material. What the-?  Inspecting the machine’s structure more closely, he suddenly came to a startling revelation.  Oh dear, they’re actually attempting to understand nuclear fusion!  Ha, if I wasn’t so amused by the exceedingly small atomic sample used in this chamber I’d be more amused by the exceedingly small brains of the idiots who built this machine!  They’d be lucky to power a potato with this thing.

Shaking his head in amusement, Splice got to work taking apart the useless tools in front of him.  He nonchalantly chucked the radioactive material out the window and sent it flying somewhere into the Everfree Forest.  Out of sight, out of mind.

Next, he brought over a pile of metal, glass, and wires to a secluded corner of the room.  For the next few hours he welded, nailed, and aligned the various parts together, paying careful attention to the symmetry of the entire structure.  The night slowly crept away, eventually giving way to the morning.  But Splice took no notice of the passage of time.  Even when the sun rose and set again, and again, and again and again, Splice continued to work.  Days passed without as much as a blink of an eye from him.  And as the sun began to climb the tops of the distant mountains several days later, Splice sat back to admire his work.  Large tubes hung from a hole in the ceiling, bringing along with it a mess of wires that protruded from the dark depths of the walls.  These tubes were fixed to the top of a large glass cylinder.  This glass tube was filled with a smooth liquid gel, something Viktor had whipped up in a large vat at the other end of the room.  However, only the body of the cylinder itself was glass – the top and bottom faces were both metallic caps that connected the tube to the wires above and held it in place on the ground below.  The bottom cap was much larger and stockier than the top, and it served as the main control panel for the machine.  Light emanated from the various bulbs and computer screens on its face, and a multitude of figures and numbers ran across the screens as the machine ran startup-diagnostics.  Knobs, switches, and a large variety of other buttons adorned the front of the machine, and a small desk-like structure just underneath the computer screens projected from it.  Upon this sat a keyboard and small openings into the machine’s entrails.  These openings were designed to be test chambers, spaces in which to insert vials or petri-dishes containing organic material for analysis.  The whole of the machine produced a soft glow and a low hum, something Splice found extremely satisfying.  The doctor leaned back and grinned widely at his completed work – he was now ready to create a lab assistant.

Viktor sauntered over to a nearby table piled high with biochemical research equipment.  He flipped open his newly obtained reference book on pony anatomy and began reviewing material he already knew.

“Alrighty let’s see.  In order to do this I need to take a sample of pre-constructed genetic material and, by submersing it in an organic base rich with nutrients, reach viable stability.  All I would need then is a controlled release of energy into the cellular matrix and… I should achieve procreation.”  He smiled.  Curious, he pulled a few test tubes and various chemicals towards him.  Using a pair of shears, he pulled a leaf off of a plant hanging from the window above him.  He tossed the leaf into a dish along with various reagents and got to work.  After a few minutes he had a nice row of various organic samples to test.  He poured a few more solutions into the first dish and brought it over to his new machine.  Placing it into the test chamber, he flipped a few switches, turned a few knobs, and the machine came to life.

Inside the chamber a pedestal rose upwards through the liquid gel.  On top of the pedestal sat an airtight glass container, and inside the container was the petri-dish containing Viktor’s prepared plant sample.  A few wires snaked downward from the top of the tube and attached themselves to the glass container.  Once the computer screen finished the necessary procedures, Viktor pressed the large red button and hoped for the best.

The entire lab dimmed as the plant petri-dish was shocked with thousands of volts of electricity.  The metallic tubes within the chamber flashed rapidly with yellow and blue sparks, and the liquid gel began to vibrate against the glass container from the shear amount of energy it withheld.  Within seconds the organic material burst to life, and Viktor watched the wonders of cellular mitosis and differentiation occur within only a few moments.  A small stalk rose from the petri-dish, and a tiny ding sounded as the electric surges came to a stop.  The light fixtures in the lab came to life once more, and the metallic tubes within the container returned to their rightful place as the pedestal lowered into the depths of the machine.  Low hums and small clicks could be heard as further processing took place.  Waves of data washed over the computer screens, performing final calculations and calibrations to ensure success.  Finally, a large panel on the side of the machine popped open.  A flat panel extended outward, upon which sat the new sapling, and the words “CLONING COMPLETE” flashed green on every computer screen.

Splice levitated the plant up to eye level and stared at it.  His lips moved as he silently muttered to himself for a few seconds, and then he shut his eyes and inhaled deeply.  He was happy the cloning process was a success, but he still had one major problem: the clone needed to grow.

Setting the plant on the windowsill alongside its doppelganger, Viktor made his way towards the pile of unused parts still sitting in the center of the room.  “Okay okay, so I can create an exact copy of a plant.  But I need to copy myself.  And if I’m not mistaken, pony structures are much more complicated than those of a plant.  And then there’s this problem with growth.  I need to accelerate it… all of it.  Physical growth, mental growth… hmmm.”  He looked at the pile in front of him.  There still remained a large proportion of metallic pieces and other electrical components.  All he needed was the innovation to make his imagination a reality.

“A challenge eh?”  A dark purple glow surrounded the remaining material and dropped it next to the cloning machine.  “I love a challenge…”

Viktor whiled away another few days on this new project, and it wasn’t until the sun sat at its zenith for the umpteenth time that he had the chance to breathe.  When he finally finished, he had a brand new toy sitting next to his cloning device.  This creation had the uncanny shape of the gallows – one tall vertical beam standing upright and a horizontal beam jutting out from its top.  But instead of wood, this device was constructed from a finely polished silver-colored metal.  And rather than a noose trailing down from its metallic arm, a titanium hat hanging from a bundle of wires and cables swung in the air.  A similar hat and set of cables sat upon the floor, awaiting later usage by the doctor.  Under the “noose” and connected to the rest of the machine at its base lay a large metal sheet that served as a bed – a bed complete with straps and chains to hold the limbs of whatever unlucky bastard found himself strapped to the horrifying machine.  Viktor wheeled over a large computer sitting atop a moveable table and plugged this into the base of the machine.  He clacked away at the keyboard, creating and compiling new programming for this experiment to work.  Once the programming was complete, Viktor picked up the spare hat from the floor and plugged its wiring into the computer.  The screen flashed “READY TO BEGIN DATA TRANSFER” in bright blue letters, and despite exhaustion, dehydration and daunting hunger from over a week of straight mechanics, Viktor experienced a renewed sense of giddiness at the prospect of performing some true, hardcore science.

The time is now.  The stage is set.  This is my performance.  I have nothing to fear.  I have nothing to worry about.  “I have nothing to clone.”  Viktor thought aloud to himself.

The doctor had come this far but hadn’t considered what part of his body he would remove to actually being the process.  His mane and tail were out of the question; they were far too luxurious and belonged upon his body.  The same went for every bit of fur covering his figure.  And he held himself in too high a regard to consider removing bits of flesh.  Viktor was puzzled.  He levitated a small petri-dish up to his face and stared into it as he considered his options.

After a few seconds he snorted loudly and hacked up a storm.  Then he spit in it.

“Yeah that should do it.”

Viktor set his frothy dish onto the table and looked through his reference books.  Preparing a sample of unicorn genetic material would be much more difficult than plant preparation.  First off, unicorn genomic structure was much lengthier than a plant’s, and he would need time to correctly separate it from the rest of the cell.  Secondly, none of the books seemed to understand how the sections of DNA that gave unicorns their magic powers actually worked.  It was a mystery waiting to be resolved – a mystery Viktor had neither time nor knowledge to solve.  Splice gathered up a few materials and, through the wonders of genetic splicing, got to work removing the magical sections of his DNA and preparing the rest for cloning.

He trotted over to the cloning device and shoved his prepared cell culture into the slot.  A few beeps and boops later and the machine sprang to life once more.

This time, once the glass chamber rose and the wires lowered, the lights in the lab completely shut off due to the massive amounts of energy being used by the machine.  Electrical discharges flashed erratically from within, causing Viktor’s fur to stand on end and his pupils to dilate.  He could see the cell culture squirm and wiggle under the life-force being pumped into it.  It bubbled, spilling over the sides of the dish as the cells amassed into something beautiful.  Slowly but surely a small embryo formed inside the chamber.  It fell out of the petri-dish and convulsed as its features took on a more equine appearance.  Small eyes dotted its face, and the flesh on its torso stretched outward to form four limbs.  Ears popped up on each side of its head.  A small mouth opened in silent protest at being thrust into the world so spontaneously.  The fetus progressed past the stage of normal birth, and through the flashing lights and bubbling gel Viktor could see a mane and tail protrude from its ends.  Its figure was dark, silhouetted by the electricity surging into its body.  The small Splice-copy rolled left and right, obviously discontent with its sudden arrival into the world, and the cloning machine powered off once more.  As the glass container lowered into the depths of the machine, Viktor couldn’t get a good glimpse of his clone past the bubbling liquid within.  He darted to the side panel and fidgeted in place, eager to see his newborn self.

Light returned to the lab once more.  Data flashed onto the computer screens.  Whirs and clicks chimed from within, and a low guttural growl grew in Viktor’s throat as his patience wore thin.  Suddenly a blaring alarm sounded from the machine, and in bright red letters the words “CLONING ERROR” appeared on every screen.  The side panel sprung open, and his clone was presented to him amidst a cloud of steam.

Viktor’s eyes widened as he gazed upon his “clone”.  Its form matched his fairly well – perfect facial structure, same mane and tail, similar cranial shape.  His flank was bare of any cute markings, but that was to be expected.  Cutie marks had to be earned, not created.  And as for race, Viktor was ashamed to admit his inability to recreate unicorn DNA and had to deal with having an Earth pony clone.  All of this Splice could learn to live with.  However, now that Viktor could actually see his clone, he knew he’d made a much bigger mistake.  Viktor’s coat was a dark charcoal color, and his mane and tail were patterned with blue and silver stripes.  His clone retained this same color palette, but the placement of each color was off.  Rather than having a gray coat, his clone’s fur was the color of the silver in Viktor’s tail.  And though his clone had blue stripes as well, the alternating stripes were charcoal rather than silver.  Somehow Viktor had gotten the genetic structure for fur color and mane color flipped, creating the imperfection before him.

Splice sighed.  It’s fine..  A simple translocation of DNA coding for hair color.  That’s nothing too drastic.  As long as that’s the only thing wrong with him…

Viktor levitated his sleeping clone to the second machine and lay him down onto the operating table.  Straps whipped across his body, holding him in place, and Viktor lowered the titanium hat hanging above onto the clone’s head.  He then sat down in front of the computer and began typing as he took off his beret and placed the second hat upon his own head.

“So first off, I wanna say welcome to the world!  I know you can’t understand me right now, seeing as how your primary task is to breathe oxygen and whatnot, but I’m very excited that you’re here.  Right now you’re kind of useless to me. I mean what good is a lab assistant that can’t even feed himself?  Don’t worry though, this baby’ll get you up to speed.”  He patted the side of the computer.  “Then we can kick some celestial ass together!  Now, I’m going to beef you up just enough to be mobile, but not enough to overpower me.  We want others to know who’s in charge don’t we?  And as for your current mental capacities… well let’s just say it’s an empty case waiting to be filled, eh?”

Viktor entered some final figures into the machine and pulled the switch.  It felt as though a small tickle of water were running up the base of his neck and towards the back of his head.  He felt his scalp prickle, and the top of his skull began to vibrate slowly.  Well this isn’t too ba— suddenly a surge of electrical energy shot downward from the hat into his skull and down throughout his body.  Viktor lost control of his body and flopped backward onto the floor, limbs flailing about and eyes spinning in their sockets.  The computer gathered every bit of useful data from within Viktor’s mind and sorted through it infinitely fast.  Then the process halted just as quickly as it began.  Viktor sat upright and removed the hat – smoke rising from his splayed mess of hair.

“WOW WHAT THE FUCK.”  He exclaimed.  Viktor pulled on his beret, head shaking, and clacked away at the computer once more.  Once the files ready for transport he glanced over to his clone.  “This may sting.”  He said as he pulled the lever.

His clone shook violently as the machine went to work.  Physically, he changed from a newborn baby into a young colt, complete with stubby legs and an adorably oversized head.  Mentally though, he changed in ways even Viktor couldn’t predict.

The computer pumped file after file of information into the developing pony’s brain, emptying lifetimes of knowledge into his mind within a matter of minutes.  Every fact, relation, and idea Splice had formed over his years as a scientific researcher – minus his personal memories of course, those were for him and him alone – found their way into the unprepared brain of his clone.  So within the span of a few minutes, that poor unsuspecting soul was forced to adapt to the new wave of information and develop some sort of moral guideline based off of it.  It was left up to him to analyze the data and infer what implications it all had to him and how he lived his life.  And what is even more unbelievable is that he did just that.  Opposing all statistical probability, Viktor’s clone managed to take in the massive quantity of new information and develop the most outstanding moral guideline known to ponykind.

Silence.  That’s all that was left once the machine had powered off and Viktor’s clone had been unstrapped from the table.  He just lay there, eyes shut and unmoving.  Splice began to wonder if he’d failed, if his clone’s small body had been unable to handle such stress after birth and had died as a result.  He leaned forward to check its heart rate, but just then his clone’s head jerked upward and his eyes flashed open as a blood-curdling scream erupted from his throat.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

“Hey!  Hey!  Shut up!  Stop it you’re fine!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

“Clone what’re you doing??  I demand you to stop!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

“SHUT UP JEAN!”

The young colt shut his mouth and gazed at Viktor with wide eyes.  Wide, aquamarine eyes.  Viktor’s train of thought came to a halt.  Not only had he failed to replicate his fur color, mane color, unicorn horn, and cutie mark, but he had even produced the incorrect eye color.  Do you know how many genes work collaboratively to create eye color?  Viktor knew.  And it was a lot.

Viktor’s clone continued to stare at him, and his mouth opened and shut as he tried to make heads or tails of the situation.  Fortunately, the doctor regained his composure first.

“I’m sorry for yelling.  Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Viktor Splice, creative genius extraordinaire and leader of the Equestrian Scientific Revolution.  Your name is Jean Splice.  You are my clone and I am your creator.  Welcome to Equestria!”  He held out his arms dramatically, beckoning the young clone to take in his surroundings.

Jean blinked a few times, jaw hanging open in awe.  He looked left, then right, drinking in the new sights and sounds about him. Finally he stuck out his front hoof in greeting and responded in a small voice.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, me.”

Viktor laughed and shook his outstretched hoof vigorously.  “Yes indeed it is.  Come Jean!  Allow me to show you the ropes.”

By now the sun had past its highest point in the sky and nearly reached the horizon once more.  Viktor spent the rest of the day taking Jean on a tour of the lab.  Much to his credit, the young colt knew his stuff.  He could easily differentiate between each piece of equipment and understood their function and purpose.  But he didn’t have the same level of enthusiasm that Viktor did for good old-fashion science.  Jean only raised an eyebrow while Viktor drooled over a neurotoxin chamber, and he seemed even less amused when Viktor explained to him how the cloning process had worked.  But Dr. Splice took no notice – he was ecstatic.  Finally here was somepony who understood him, and it was him!  Celestia wouldn’t stand a chance with the doctor and his somewhat-genetically-identical self running rampant, right?

The sun dipped below the mountains when the tour finally came to an end.  Viktor sat in the middle of his second-floor lab, a big goofy grin plastered on his face.  Jean sat directly across from him and looked at the doctor in a quizzical fashion.

“Well!”  Viktor said.  “That concludes our tour of the lab.  I’m sure you have questions Jean, so please, let me know what’s on your mind.  I’ll do my best to answer them for you.”

Jean sat still and gazed about the room.  It was apparent Viktor had put plenty of effort into this plan – stealing from Canterlot Laboratories, making a clone, seeking “revenge” on the Princess of the Sun for some unknown misdeed.  His creator had intended Jean to be his bread and butter, making it much more difficult for Jean to say what he had to say next.

“Well…” he began.  Viktor leaned closer, still smiling, while Jean rubbed his arm nervously.  “I uh, I really like what you’ve done with the place.  And it seems you’ve got this whole ‘kill Celestia’ thing worked out.  But, and hear me out, I was just thinking that maybe, it isn’t such a good idea?”

Viktor stopped smiling.  Jean gulped and continued.  “I mean neurotoxins?  Creating life from your spit?  Nuclear fusion?  Which may I add is a power found within Celestia’s sun and should remain there and nowhere else.  I just think that… what you’re doing is disrespectful to our all-knowing and benevolent ruler.  She is the immortal being that controls this land – she’s essentially God.  And it’s my opinion that… your never-ending desire for knowledge and destruction goes against Her will.  And that’s… well, blasphemous.  You know?”

If Viktor could process what had just occurred he would have done much more than simply sit there and stare at Jean like some slack-jawed moron.  He tried to speak but nothing came out.  Jean grinned sheepishly.

Suddenly a bright light erupted from Jean’s flank, causing him to yelp and jump up in alarm.  When he looked back he was greeted with an image of Celestia raising the sun materializing on his flank.  His eyes widened and a grin spread across his cheeks – he had just earned his cutie mark!

“Viktor!  Viktor!  Do you realize what this means??  My one special talent is to forever serve our wonderful leader Princess Celestia and spread the word of her greatness throughout the lands!”

That did it.  Something snapped in Viktor’s mind.  Snarling and frothing like a mad-dog, Viktor picked up the nearest table and chucked it with all his might at the cloning device, shattering it and leaking gelatinous goo all over the lab floor.  His scream echoed into the nighttime forest air:

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

6 - Wherein Jean Socializes

6 - Wherein Jean Socializes

“YOU WORTHLESS,” a table flew across the room, “USELESS,” part of the roof caved in, “ABOMINATION!!”  Viktor sat in the middle of his second story lab, teeth bared, eyes narrowed, and breathing labored.  His lab was in a state of disarray – materials had been flung everywhere and liquid jelly stained the floor.  Jean sat in the corner furthest away from Viktor and stared at him with wide eyes.  He attempted to reason with his creator.

“Viktor it’s really not that big a deal!”

“Not that big a deal?!  Within minutes of being born you’ve dedicated your life to the one pony I wish to destroy!  Now you’re just a liability!”

Viktor stomped over to Jean and thrust a hoof in his face.  “You’re… you’re… you’re an abomination!  A useless mistake of a lab assistant!  You’re like a dog, but worse!  You’re like a… a… DROG!  YOU’RE DROG.”

‘Drog’ stared at Viktor quizzically.  “What does Drog even mean?”

“It means you’re useless!  Now get out of my sight Drog, before I do something we both regret.”  The young colt bolted downstairs without any further resistance.

Alone once again, Viktor sighed and hung his head.

I failed.  I can’t believe I failed…

He solemnly kicked at a small chunk of metal at his hooves.  It bounced along the floor before landing in a small puddle of goo with a soft splash.  Suddenly realizing that he hadn’t slept since crawling out of his 1000-year resting place, Viktor lay on the cold laboratory floor.  Giving into fatigue and his newfound sense of melancholy, Viktor Splice allowed himself to drift off into a fitful slumber.

Days passed by in uneventful silence.  Sunlight crept through the barred windows one morning as Viktor lay in the wreckage of his laboratory, eyes shut tight and drool oozing from his mouth.  He mumbled something or other about organ failure and then rolled over with a low growl.  Meanwhile, Jean “Drog” Splice sat at the top of the stairwell and stared at his creator thoughtfully.  He owed Viktor his life, and hence ought to respect him as his father and creator.  But it was intended to be a life dedicated to vengeance on Celestia.  That’s what Viktor wanted. I don’t even know why he hates her, Jean thought.  And even if I did there’s no way I could help him.  My life is devoted to a higher form of morality, free from such primal desires as vengeance.  I hope he understands...  Jean strolled over to the sleeping unicorn and gently poked him on the shoulder.  A small grunt and wave of the hoof were all he received in response.  Scrunching up his face, Jean tried again with a more aggressive jab.  Viktor snapped his teeth and flicked his head around.  His eyes opened slightly, only to be met by the gaze of his worthless clone.

“Ugh, what do you want Drog?”

Jean rubbed his forehooves together nervously.  “Oh, morning Viktor.  I was actually wondering if it’d be alright for me to go into the nearby town.  There really isn’t much to do here except sit and eat apples.  I mean don’t get me wrong, apples are delicious and all, but uh…I was just born, as I’m sure you know, and I’d really like to try something else.  Get out and experience the world a bit you know?  If not I understand, but it’d be really ni—”

Viktor raised a hoof to cut him off.  “Just go.”  And with that, he rolled over and promptly fell asleep.

Jean sat beside Viktor for a few moments, wondering if there was anything else he ought to say or do.  After a few moments of stifling silence, Jean decided it’d be best if he obeyed his creator’s wishes and just left.  He moved towards the stairwell, taking one final glance at the defeated lump of a pony lying on the cold lab floor before heading out into the sunlight of a promising new day.

“Wow this is lovely!”  Jean shouted as he skipped along.  The sunlight beamed down upon the little colt, warming his fur and putting a spring in his step.  Initially he had been scared out of his mind – the depths of the Everfree Forest remain in a state of perpetual darkness no matter what time of day it is.  And the predator-infested hell-hole that is the Everfree Forest was no place for a newborn colt, even if said colt was gifted with intellect that spanned centuries.  Fortunately, Jean had eventually managed to find the one relatively safe dirt path that cut right through the forest, and was hence able to trot along unencumbered and enjoy his first true day of living.

Jean looked up to the sky.  A flock of birds flitted along, cutting through the few clouds sitting in an otherwise cloudless sky.  “I honestly don’t understand why Viktor hates her so much.”  Jean spoke aloud.  “Her sun is what makes all this virility possible!  And the sunlight feels so… mmm… wonderful!”  He continued along the one-way path to Ponyville, half-bounding, half-frolicking, and humming all the way.

As he walked the forest began to thin out.  Sunlight only appeared to grow more and more intense the farther away one got from the forest, and once he was clear of its branches Jean felt as though a large weight had been lifted on his shoulders.  The Everfree sure did have an effect on impressionable young ponies.  In front of Jean lay the small town of Ponyville.  He stared in a state of awe and wonderment at the multitude of bright, colorful buildings all nestled together in a cozy-looking fashion.  He could see shades of blue, red, green, and even pink.  All colors of the rainbow, which was a vast improvement from the drab dull-white and silver-gray of Viktor’s lab.

A large sign on the side of the rode greeted the colt pleasantly: “WELCOME TO PONYVILLE, HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!”  Jean’s smile only grew upon reading this.  Finally some sanity in this world!  Wasting no time at all, Jean broke into a full-on sprint towards the promised-land.

Houses lined the edges of the street as Jean walked, and ponies darted left and right across his field of vision.  Everyone appeared to have someplace to go, but not so much so that they were rude.  Neighbors made it a point to smile and wave to those they knew, and the residents offered extended greetings to those they didn’t know.  Jean was fortunate enough to receive such greetings.  The passerby’s stopped to speak with him in large numbers, only growing more interested in him once they learned he was from out of town.  He gladly answered all of their questions concerning the weather and how he’s enjoyed Ponyville so far, but he tended to avoid questions such as “where are you from?” or “where are your parents?”  Jean had just finished a nice chat with a young mare selling roses by the side of the road when he found himself being tackled to the ground by a blur of pink.

He rolled and bounced, landing on his back with a small thump.  Rubbing the back of his head and creaking open his eyes ever so slowly, Jean was met with blue eyes even brighter than his own.  The perpetrator practically beamed rainbows at him.

“Hi there!  My name’s Pinkie Pie, what’s yours?”

“I’m—”

“I’m sorry I tackled you to the ground, but I just got soo excited when I saw you!  I mean, it isn’t every day that somepony new moves to Ponyville.  More than that, it isn’t every day a young colt moves to town!  Not to say I don’t like it when adults move to town, but there are enough of them already, you know what I mean?  I just love children – they know how to have a good time!  Like jumping rope, playing hide-and-seek, hoofball – oh I can’t wait to do all those wonderful things with you, my new friend!”

At this the young mare sat on her haunches and lifted Jean into the air with her forehooves.  She continued babbling even as he opened his mouth to speak.

“You’re so adorable, do you know that?  How old are you?  8?  10?  Actually,” she looked around, “where are your parents?  If you’re new to Ponyville that must mean your family recently moved here.  Are you exploring town all by yourself?  That must be so scary for a young colt living in a new place!  Don’t worry though – your Auntie Pinkie Pie is here to be your Ponyville guide!”  She pulled Jean up against her side with one hoof and saluted with the other.  “And once we’ve seen all of Ponyville, I can throw you a super special surprise party to welcome you to town!  Oh but you aren’t supposed to know that yet…”

Jean pushed himself away from Pinkie as she appeared to be lost in thought.  He gasped, breathing in all the oxygen the mare had pushed out of him since she began her rant.  She appeared as though she were about to start speaking again, but Jean held up his hoof to silence her.

“This all sounds great Pinkie, but give me a moment to respond yeah?  First of all, my name is Jean Splice.  My… father… and I just moved to Ponyville yesterday, and I’m taking the time to look around while my dad gets settled in.  I’d love for you to show me around town – it’s my first time here and I want to get to know the place.  And I promise, I didn’t hear about any ‘surprise party’.”  He winked.  Pinkie’s smile reached her ears.

“Well alright then!  Let’s get going, there’s so much for you to see!”

Pinkie skipped down the road, expecting Jean to follow her.  He did so at a more deliberate pace, taking in the sights and sounds of Ponyville as he walked along.  She was an exceptionally happy pony.  Pinkie Pie appeared to know everypony in town and had the right to call each and every one of them her friends.  She called others by name, asking them how they liked her most recent party and negotiating when they could have another.  It all made Jean smile.  Here was a pony who was Viktor’s polar opposite – fun-loving, optimistic, and best of all, not homicidal.  Pinkie rounded the corner of a nearby building, and as Jean followed her he witnessed the most beautiful thing he’d seen since being born: a building constructed entirely of candy.

Pinkie saw Jean’s enthralled expression and giggled softly.  “I thought you might like this place.  This,” she jumped in front of Jean and threw her arms up dramatically, “is Sugarcube Corner!”

Jean wiped the drool off his chin before responding.  “So, it’s a bakery?”

Pinkie laughed.  “Not just any bakery.  It’s the best bakery in all of Ponyville.  No, in all of Equestria!  And you know why?”  Jean shook his head.  “Because I work here!  Not to brag, but I do make a mean cupcake.”

She took note of Jean’s hungry face.  “Would you like to try some?”  He nodded so hard one could hear his teeth clacking together.  Pinkie Pie led him through the shop’s doorway and up to the counter.  Upon entering, an aroma of extreme pleasure wafted its way towards Jean’s nose.  They tickled his sinuses and danced upon his tongue, and although he’d never smelled sweets in all his life, he somehow knew where each smell originated.  It was as though some unconscious memory, gained from Viktor and locked away in the young colt’s mind, was at work identifying known aspects of a world Jean had never seen firsthand.

“Is that…” he inhaled, “apple pie??”

Pinkie nodded.  “Sure is!  Made fresh by Mrs. Cake.  Wow, you sure have a good sense of smell Jean.”

“Actually I just, really like apple pie… apparently.”  Or maybe Viktor likes it and it just rubbed off on me?

“Well that’s good, because we have plenty of it!  Here, let me go grab you a slice on the house!”  As Pinkie bolted to the back room, Jean took the opportunity to really explore the bakery for the first time.

It was a bustling beehive of activity.  Mares and stallions alike sat at the multitude of tables scattered about the room, chatting with such mirth and gaiety.  Couples shared milkshakes, families enjoyed plates of cupcakes and other sweets, and fillies and colts ran about enjoying their youthful imaginations to the highest.  One cross-eyed mare in particular sat at a table piled high with muffins, and at the rate she was eating them Jean was certain she’d finish in no time.

I like it.  He thought.  All of it.  The world is much nicer than Viktor makes it out to be.  Just then the door to the shop swung open.  Jean turned towards a barrage of sunlight, causing him to shield his eyes lest he suddenly go blind.  As the doors swung shut and Jean’s vision cleared, he found himself in the presence of three beautiful fillies.  They were all about his age – not his actual age, but rather the age Viktor had accelerated him to.  Jean found himself immediately drawn to them and each of their unique qualities.  The coat of the unicorn on the far left shone bright white, reflecting her own purity and innocence.  Her pink and purple curls bounced in time with her hoofsteps, and her emerald green eyes wavered ever so slightly in the light.  The pegasus on the far right strut into the room with a sense of confidence Jean found alluring.  She flaunted a bright orange coat and light purple eyes, and the telltale helmet upon her head spoke volumes about her tomboyish attitude.  In between them stood a small mustard-colored filly with the biggest and most adorable bow to be found in all the lands of Equestria situated neatly atop her head.  Her face was downcast, her eyes appeared sorrowful, and both of her friends were trying their hardest to console her.  Jean suddenly realized he’d been staring at the trio and describing them as cute and alluring for far too long, and thus he averted his gaze once again.  They walked past him towards the counter, and as they did he caught a glimpse of their conversation.

“Come on Applebloom,” the small unicorn said, “we’re you’re friends now.  You can tell us what’s wrong.”

The small pegasus nudged her saddened companion.  “Is it because of what happened at Diamond Tiara’s party yesterday?  Don’t let what she said get to you.”

“Yeah, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.  Plus, if she hadn’t said all those mean things then we wouldn’t have become the Cutie Mark Crusaders!  In a way, Diamond Tiara’s party actually helped us…”

The orange pegasus stuck her tongue out in disgust.  “Eww don’t say that, you’re just gonna make her feel worse.”

Finally responding to their treatment, ‘Applebloom’ shook her head.  “No it ain’t that.  You remember what I told you girls about the farm right?”

“Oh yeah…” they replied in unison.  All three of them suddenly looked fairly melancholic.  Jean, though usually very astute in maintaining proper manners, gave into his curiosity and leaned forward to hear more.

Applebloom apparently noticed this, as she turned towards the young colt sitting at an awkward tilt and raised an eyebrow.  “Well hello there, I’ve never seen you before.”

Shocked, Jean fell to the floor, hitting his chin in an ungraceful manner.  He quickly sat upright and rubbed the back of his head nervously.

“Oh, uh, yeah, um…” Formulating a complete sentence suddenly became an impossible task for the colt – getting caught eavesdropping made him quite flustered.  Fortunately, Pinkie Pie chose that precise moment to trot out of the back room with a plate of delectable apple pie balanced delicately atop her head.

“Here you are Jean, on the house!  And on my head!”  She giggled at her poor joke before plopping the plate in front of the young pony.  Pinkie turned her attention to the three fillies.  “Oh hey girls, how are you doing?  It’s only been a day and you three are already best friends!”

The three of them nodded slowly, their wary gazes still focused squarely on Jean.  He gulped.  Pinkie took note of this and reacted quickly.

“I see you’ve met Jean!  Isn’t he just the most adorable colt ever?”  She squeezed his cheeks, causing him to blush heavily and eliciting a snicker from the three girls.  “He’s new to town, so I’m showing him around.”

“Oh that makes sense,” Applebloom responded.  “Ah thought you looked a little lost there mister.  Sorry for staring at you like that.”  She gave Jean a small wave.  “Mah name is Applebloom.”

“I’m Sweetie Belle!”

“And I’m Scootaloo!”

“And we’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”  The three of them sang out in unison as they struck a pose.

“The Cutie Mark what what?”  Jean wondered aloud.

Applebloom shook her head.  “No, the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“We’re on a mission to find our special talents,” Sweetie added.

“And earn our cutie marks!”  Scootaloo finished.

The three of them turned around, revealing their blank flanks.  Jean nodded his head understandingly.  “I get it.  That’s pretty cool, forming a group to learn who you really are.”  He looked down solemnly.  “I could use something like that.”

Sweetie Belle cocked her head.  “Are you a blank flank too?”

“No,” Jean replied.  “But my special talent doesn’t really match up with my life.”  He turned so they could catch a glimpse of Celestia upon his behind.  “I get ridiculed for it, even at home…”

Scootaloo squinted her eyes.  “Celestia?  I don’t get it, what’s your special talent?”

Jean shook his head.  “It doesn’t really matter.  I just know my father despises me for it.”

Pinkie Pie, who up until now had been eating Jean’s pie without his knowledge, looked up in a state of shock.  “What!  How can somepony not like their own son??  That big meanie…”

Jean laughed.  “Tell me about it.”

“Why I have half a mind to go over there and teach him a thing or two about…”

Jean laughed harder.  “No stop.  It’s fine really.  It’s just that, well I too have a hard time trying to figure out what my one true purpose in life is.  All’s I’m saying is that I get what you guys are trying to do, and I fully support it.”

Suddenly a large blue Earth pony with a mountain of pink hair atop her head came running out of the back room.

“Pinkie Pie!” she called out, “what are you doing out here?  Lyra’s party is in an hour and we don’t have anything finished yet!”

Pinkie Pie jumped to her hooves.  “Oh shoot!  Lyra’s party, I totally forgot!”  She danced in place, looking between Jean and Mrs. Cake.  “I’m so sorry Jean, but the rest of the tour is going to have to wait, I really need to do this!”

Jean smiled.  “It’s fine Pinkie, you’ve shown me plenty—”

“Tour?  You mean around Ponyville?  We can show him!”  Sweetie Belle piped up.  Jean stared at her dumbstruck while Pinkie gasped loudly.

“That’s such a good idea!”  the pink pony shouted.  “Alright girls, I’m trusting you to show Jean the ropes.  Don’t let me down.  Catch you guys later!”  And with that, Pinkie Pie dashed into the kitchen.

Scootaloo bumped against Sweetie Belle slightly.  “Why’d you offer us up as tour guides?  No offense Jean, but Applebloom hasn’t been feeling well lately.  I doubt she wants to show somepony around town right now.”

Sweetie shook her head.  “That’s exactly why I did it.  If we take Jean around Ponyville, maybe it’ll help take Applebloom’s mind off her farm.”

Smiling, Applebloom nudged Sweetie Belle.  “That’s actually a pretty good idea.  Plus I always like meetin’ new folks.  Come on Jean, we’ve got plenty tah show you!”

And with that, the three fillies led Jean Splice into the light of a new day in Ponyville.

“And this one time I pulled a wicked flip off of that wagon over there!”  Scootaloo whooped as she motioned off to one side of the street.  She puffed her chest up proudly, allowing her humbler friends to bask in her amazing glow.  Sweetie Belle and Applebloom rolled their eyes knowingly, but Jean smiled.  He admired Scootaloo’s confidence – it made her interesting to be around.

“That’s pretty sweet Scoots, but don’t you think you’re exaggerating a bit?”

Scootaloo faltered in her step.  “Are you kidding me Jean?  Do you even know who you’re talking to?  The only other pony in this whole town with more awesomeness than me is Rainbow Dash, and as far as I can remember, she’s never pulled a triple back flip on a scooter before.”

Jean shook his head.  “I’m not doubting your abilities.  Just saying that it sounds an awful lot like somepony is stretching the truth a bit.”

Scootaloo stammered with her words as she tried to think of a response.  She instead elected to shove her face into Jean’s menacingly, causing the young colt to back down at her sudden display of aggressiveness.  “Ten bits says I could do a quadruple back flip and still stick a perfect landing.”

Sweetie Belle facehoofed as Applebloom stifled a giggle.  “Jean why are you encouraging her?”

Jean grinned back at the two of them.  “Because it’s fun.”  He turned his attention back to Scootaloo.  “You’re on girl.  Ten bits says you can’t do it.”

Scootaloo smiled devilishly before shoving her helmet further onto her head.  As she rode away on her scooter to get to a good starting distance, Jean sat on his haunches and turned to the other members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Their day thus far had been most enjoyable.  After making out with an assortment of baked goodies from Sugarcube Corner, the three fillies had shown Jean every point of interest to a young colt looking for fun in a strange new town.  He’d seen every warren, hill, and valley worthy of an extensive game of hide-and-seek or capture-the-flag, and had his fair share of pratfalls when attempting to climb the taller trees in Ponyville.  The CMC brought Jean to their favorite shops in town, Sweetie Belle’s being that of her sister Rarity, the Carousel Boutique.  Unfortunately, business seemed to be swelling on that particular day, and Ms. Rarity couldn’t even be bothered to make an appearance and risk ignoring the onslaught of potential customers.  After leaving the shop Jean had become especially curious about the personal lives of the Crusaders.  Sweetie Belle seemed to spend much of her time helping her sister with her latest fashion line, and Jean learned quickly that Scootaloo spent her days tailing after the adventurous exploits of a mare named Rainbow Dash.  And upon learning that Applebloom lived on an apple farm, Jean grew incredibly excited at the prospect of visiting a field ripe with his favorite fruit.  But alas, it appeared he had hit a tender nerve, for the very mention of her farm caused poor Applebloom to suddenly become very morose for reasons her friends assured him were nothing to worry about.  Jean respected her privacy and instead used his adorable charm to fetch Applebloom a free bouquet of roses in hopes of cheering her up.  It did.

Since then the four of them had spent their time aimlessly wandering the streets of Ponyville, shooting the breeze about whatever random topic came to mind.  As Jean now sat next to Sweetie Belle and Applebloom, waiting for Scootaloo to rev up her wings and take flight, he was exceptionally happy that he could call them all “friends”, or at least “very good acquaintances”.

“Thanks for showing me around today guys.  I wouldn’t be lying if I said this has been the best day of my life so far.”

The other two giggled.  “It’s our pleasure Jean,” Applebloom retorted, “plus ya said your thanks with that bouquet of roses you got me.  Which, might I add, was quite delicious.”

“I had a great time today too Jean.”  Sweetie Belle piped up.  “You made Applebloom feel better and got Scootaloo to flex her competitive muscles.  What more could you ask for?”  She smirked.

Before he could respond Scootaloo could be heard calling from a distance.  “Are you guys watching this?”

Jean cupped his hooves over his mouth.  “All eyes are on you Scoots!”

“Good!  You aren’t gonna wanna miss this!”

I have a feeling that you may be right Scootaloo.  Jean thought to himself.

It’s difficult to describe the perfect failure that was this moment in time.  Scootaloo was prepped beyond preparation – her wings ached in anticipation of jetting her across the smoothed dirt path, and her eyes were focused squarely on the wagon ahead of her.  She gripped the handlebars with the force of a stallion, and her leg muscles tightened as she secured her footing upon the scooter.  Jean and the others waved her down enthusiastically.  Other passerby’s noted her concentration and warily stepped out of the way.  Then, without another moment’s rest, she was off.  Faster than a speeding bullet and twice as deadly, Scootaloo rocketed off along the gravel and grit, teeth clattering as she rattled with her scooter.  She savored this moment.  It was the closest she could come to flying, this feeling of exhilaration she gained from riding her scooter.  She’d heard Rainbow Dash describe the weightlessness one feels when flying.  Not just a physical weightlessness, but a spiritual one, one that resonates deep within the self and allows full attainment of true enlightenment.  A sort of empowerment that only pegasi are blessed enough to know.  The sky’s the limit when a pegasus flies, and the same can be said for Scootaloo when she’s situated firmly upon her scooter.

She whizzed by her friends, and for a split second Jean caught of full glimpse of Scootaloo at her prime.  Her eyes were squinted into a confident glare, and mane whipped across her face as the wind rushed passed her.  He’d only known her for a day, but Jean Splice knew this is where Scootaloo belonged: living life on the fast-edge and always searching for new adventures wherever she went.

The beauty of that moment was short-lived however.  Life has a funny way of tripping one when he or she is at the top of their game.  For Scootaloo, this meant that the next rock she strode over was the one that broke the camel’s back, and her front-left tire was sent flying off from the collision.  She lost control shortly after that, swerving sharply away from the wagon as she approached it and instead heading back the way she came.  The other three knew something was wrong long before she could be heard screaming for them to get out of the way, but they were too transfixed in the absurdity of the moment to do anything but sit and stare dumbly.  Scootaloo stopped flapping her wings in an attempt to stop, but she had already worked up far too much momentum by this time and continued to shoot straight ahead.  Right.  Into.  Jean.  Splice.

She scooped up the confused colt before he could grasp what had happened.  Neither of them could see which way they were going, what with him laying across her handlebars blocking her view and he facing the wrong way, and they just so happened to bounce off the main road and off towards the market district of Ponyville.  They zig-zagged through the street at top speed, screaming all the way.  Ponies jumped left and right to get out of the way of the runaway scooter, and Applebloom and Sweetie Belle tailed not far behind.  Produce flew up into the air as they crashed through the stalls.  Cabbages, tomatoes, oranges, and even coleslaw found their way onto the back of Jean’s head.  Somehow the pair wound up riding along the counter of a cookware stall, and every one of the hanging pans clanged against Jean’s skull as they continued forward.

As they leapt off the stall Jean turned his head to get a glimpse of what lie ahead.  An upturned wagon met his eyes.  Oh son of a… were his last thoughts before they crashed into its side and flew into the air.  Time slowed to a crawl as Jean Splice, Scootaloo, the busted scooter, and a platter of produce sailed through the sky.  He knew it was going to hurt crashing back down to Earth, but for now he tried to enjoy the tranquility of weightlessness.  Jean noted the silent scream contorting onto Scootaloo’s face.  He could see Sweetie Belle and Applebloom making similar expressions, except with a stronger hint of horror to accompany them.  All eyes were on Jean and Scoots as they careened into the air, and for once neither of them appreciated the attention.  Below the pair of ponies sat a rapidly approaching hat stall.  The look on the owner’s face as the filly and colt crashed through the roof of his stall was priceless.

Jean awoke amidst a plethora of hats.  Fedoras, top hats, snapbacks, ball caps, even those rainbow-striped hats with the little propeller on top of them; all this and more lay strewn about the wreckage of the stall.  Scootaloo’s hind legs could be seen sticking out of the rubble, flailing about as her two friends tried to pull her out.  The shopkeep shouted something at the four of them menacingly, but the ringing in Jean’s ears made it far too incoherent for him to care.  As the young colt began to return to his senses, he noticed something sitting upon his head.  He looked up to find a small red fez situated neatly upon his cranium.  The sharp contrast of colors it created with his blue mane and silver fur seemed to fit perfectly, and Jean was very impressed with this fortunate turn of events.

He sat upright and turned to the CMC.

“Hey girls check it out!”  He pointed towards his new hat.

Scootaloo, now free from the trash, was still too dizzy to care.  Sweetie Belle and Applebloom voiced their approval.

“Well woulda look at that!  That hat looks mighty nice on ya Jean!”

“Yeah!  I’d say it was made just for you.”

Before Jean could ogle his new attire any longer, a sharp female voice boomed over his shoulder, startling the young fillies into submission.

“GIRLS!  WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING??”

Jean whirled around to lay his eyes upon an adult Earth pony mare.  Her fur was a dark violet color, and her hair bounced in soft pink curls.  She glared at the younglings with dark green eyes – eyes usually filled with compassion that now only reflected anger.  Upon her flank sat three smiling flowers.  Big difference from her current demeanor.

Jean cowered under her accusing glance and backed up to sit with the other three.  They lowered their heads in shame as the mare scolded them.

“I am both disappointed and appalled in you three!  Not only did you skip class today, but here I find you damaging public property as part of your usual shenanigans!  What do you have to say for yourselves?”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders spoke in unison.  “We’re sorry Ms. Cheerilee…”

Jean Splice looked at his three friends guiltily – it was his fault for challenging Scootaloo – and he turned back to find Cheerilee staring him down at eye level.  He practically jumped out of his skin.

“And who might you be?  I haven’t ever seen you in class.”

Jean fumbled with his speech a bit, and would’ve continued to sit there shrinking under her gaze if Sweetie Belle hadn’t intervened.

“That’s Jean, he’s new to town and…” she was cut off by a sharp glance from Cheerilee.

“I see.  I’m sorry we have to meet under such sour conditions Jean, but I can’t say I’m too happy that you’re aiding in the mass destruction of Ponyville.  What do you have to say for yourself?”

Jean smiled sheepishly.  “Sorry?”

Cheerilee softened up a bit after receiving the fourth and final apology.  She stood up and looked at the four of them more calmly.

“I can’t say I’m happy that you skipped class today, especially when you’re causing mayhem instead.  But as long as you aren’t hurt I suppose that’s all that matters.”  The three young fillies looked up at their teacher sweetly.  “But I want you each to hand in a written explanation as to why you’d rather be breaking stalls than learning when you come to class tomorrow.”  They once again bowed their heads apologetically.

Jean, who had assumed he was in the clear, jumped when Cheerilee once again spoke to him.  “And I expect I’ll be seeing you in class tomorrow too?”

“Why would you assume that?” he asked.

She blinked.  “We’ll you’re new to town.  It’s only natural a growing young mind such as your own be nurtured with a proper education.”

Jean laughed.  “Oh goodness no, I don’t go to school.”

Cheerilee gasped.  “Don’t go to school?!  Nonsense, every young colt and filly goes to school.”

“Not me.  I don’t need it.  I know anything you could possibly teach me and more.  My dad made sure of that.”

Cheerilee snorted.  “Young man I don’t care how smart you think you are, you need a proper education.”  She advanced on him, causing Jean to step back.

“Hey no offence, but I don’t really think my education is any of your business.”

She glared at him.  “That’s where you’re wrong: education is my business.”  She lifted him by the scruff of his neck and began walking off with Jean dangling from her mouth.  “Come on, we’re going to see your parents about this attitude of yours.”

“Hey what-!”  Jean struggled helplessly in her grasp.  “Miss please, I really don’t need schooling!  Give me a practical exam, make me write an essay, something!  Just lemmego!”

Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo stood dumbfounded.

“What just happened?”  Applebloom asked.

Sweetie Belle shook her head.  “I have no idea.”

“Ey you stoopid kids!”  the shopkeep shouted at them.  “You gonna pay for his hat or what?  And what about my stall??”

The CMC gulped.

“Run?”  Scootaloo asked.

“Run” the other two responded.

“NOOOOBODY KNOWWWS!  THE TROUBLE I’VE SEEEEN!!”  Viktor hiccupped.  “NOOOBODY KNOWS MY SOORROOOW.”

The dark unicorn flailed about pitifully, throwing his hooves up in abject misery.  He lay on his back in the middle of his second floor laboratory doing the same thing he had been doing for the past couple of weeks: absolutely nothing.  Failing so completely in only the first few stages of his plans for revenge had robbed Splice of his prior motivation, and now he only wallowed in self despair.  Suddenly, a heavy pounding at the front door snapped him back to reality.

Viktor grumbled a bit before peeling himself off the floor and trudging downstairs.  Upon reaching the steel door to his lab, he opened it partially to find Drog sitting next to a young purple mare.  She scrunched up her nose as she looked Viktor up and down, no doubt put off by the fact that he smelled and looked like he hadn’t showered in weeks.  Viktor glared at her inquisitively.

“What?”  He asked curtly.

Despite his crude nature, Cheerilee responded with an air of kind formality.  “Good afternoon sir.  May I speak with the owner of the house?”

Splice opened the door fully and stared at Cheerilee with an eyebrow raised.  “Yeah, that’s me…”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”  She smiled sweetly. “My name is Ms. Cheerilee, the teacher at the Ponyville Schoolhouse.  It has come to my attention that your son is not receiving the proper education he so requires.”

“My son…?  Wha… How the hell did you find this place?”

“It’s my job to know when there is a child in need.”

“Uh huh… Drog!”

Jean jumped up and looked at Viktor expectantly.

“Go inside and get me a sample of neurotoxin from vat 2-A.  It’s one of the memory-suppressing strands I’m working on.”

Jean ran inside to do as he was told lest he face dire consequences.  Cheerilee on the other hoof, took no notice of Viktor’s strange behavior and continued to gab her gums relentlessly.

“I know it can be difficult moving into a new town and all, and it’s even more so for a young colt like Jean.  At this stage in his life what he really needs is a nurturing environment to better foster his intellectual and social growth”

Viktor rubbed his eyes with his hoof.  “Yeah that’s nice.  Drog!  Would you hurry up in there?”

“I really am sorry to intrude on you like this, but your son was so adamant about not needing to go to school that I knew something was wrong.  Surely you and your wife want him to be the best he can be?”

Viktor’s eyes widened with grief at the mention of his wife.  He shot Cheerilee a threatening look that seemed to dare her to continue talking.  She backed off a little.

“Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to assume.  Single-parenting can be quite the daunting task, and I’m sure you’re doing everything you can to—”

Jean appeared at Viktor’s side carrying a syringe filled with a sickly-looking sample of yellow-brown liquid.

“Here you go ‘dad’,” he said.

“Ah, thank you Drog.”  Viktor snatched up the syringe in his forehooves while Cheerilee regained her bearings after her little hiccup.

“Well back to the issue at hand,” she continued, “I’m afraid I must inform you that it is illegal for a child his age not to be in school.”

“Right,” Viktor responded.  He flicked the tip of the needle with a hoof.  “Now hold still, this will only hurt a lot.”

“And I would like for your son to become a full-time student at the Ponyville Schoolhouse.”

Viktor, who was holding Cheerilee’s forearm in one hoof and the syringe in the other, paused and looked at her curiously.  “Wait a minute, you’re offering to take Drog OUT of this house and into YOUR school for hours a day?”

Cheerilee nodded.  “Well yes, I thought that was made cle—”

“HERE TAKE HIM!”  And with that, Viktor shoved Drog into Cheerilee’s arms and slammed the door in their faces.

Viktor leaned back against the door and sighed deeply.  Alone once again.  He tried to pull himself back upstairs, but found he lacked the strength to do even that.  Instead, he lay on the first floor of his lab and groaned deeply.

His stomach growled.  It seemed to be doing that a lot lately.  “Ugh would you shut up stomach?”  He shouted.  “Geez you’re so needy you know that?  Fine, I guess I’ll feed you…”  Viktor rolled over towards the basement door.  He kicked it open and slinked his way down the stairwell much like a snake.  Slink.  Slink.  Slink.  Keeping track of each step was all he could do to keep himself entertained.

Once he reached the bottom of the stairwell, Viktor came face to face with an ocean of apples.  The entire room was freezing cold, insulated as it was by its placement underground and his own ingenuity in designing an air conditioner.  Viktor stood up feebly, then dive-bombed into the pile of delicious fruit.  He backstroked through it, allowing the still-ripe skin of each apple to brush against his fur and cool his skin.

Oh I’m a sailing and rolling on the next rolling sea~  And it would be so lovely if you’d roll through with me~  As he swam, Viktor grabbed apple after apple and swallowed them happily.  He loved everything about apples.  Their crunch, their juiciness.  And ever since he got his teeth sharpened he didn’t have to worry about that annoying bit of peel that always seemed to get stuck in your gums.  As he ate, Viktor was reminded of what Cheerilee had said to him only minutes ago.  ‘Surely you and your wife…’

My wife… Viktor thought glumly.  He looked at the apple in his hoof.  It gleamed in the dim light of the cellar, showing the doctor a warped reflection of himself.  Apples always made Viktor think of her.  He leaned back, chewing on a bit of fruit, and closed his eyes.  Now seemed as good a time as any to continue reminiscing on what happened that fateful day when he first met her…

The sun sat far past its highest point in the sky, bringing the warmth and comfort of that short transition between afternoon and evening.  Fillies and colts ran about now that school was done for the day, and the more pretentious individuals of Canterlot high-society were preoccupied trying to control their younglings.  Viktor could appreciate living in Canterlot much more at this time of day.  He didn’t receive harsh judgment as often as he did when the elites were busy either rearing their young or engaging in the nightly soirees that began at about this time.  The streets were sparsely occupied by ponies of a much kinder disposition.  Teachers, manual-laborers, even his fellow scientists – those ponies that really kept Canterlot running underneath all the pompous-who-hah that was most prevalent in this backwater city.  It was in this atmosphere that Viktor had brought his alabaster savior to his favorite outdoor-café.  They sat on opposite sides of a circular bench, enjoying the cool breeze and warm tea of the evening as they spoke.  Viktor took a sip from his cup and continued talking.

“Laurel Rhapsody eh?  What a beautiful name.  I suppose it’s only fitting on an equally stunning mare.”

Rhapsody giggled lightly.  “Viktor please, enough with the flattery.  This lunch is repayment enough for, how did you put it?  ‘Saving your ass back there’?”

Viktor laughed nervously as he rubbed the back of his head with a hoof.  “Yeahh…  I do beg your pardon for my uncultured speech.  I promise I’ll try to correct it from her—”

Rhapsody stopped him with a click of her tongue.  “Viktor stop.  I don’t want you changing your speech on my account.  You aren’t one of them.  I want to get to know you,” she poked him in the chest, “for whom you are.”

Splice looked downward.  “Sorry Laurel.  It’s just… well… you sound so…”

“High-class?  I suppose it’s to be expected, what with my Prench accent being so noticeable.”

“Prench!  So that’s what that is!  I didn’t wanna bring attention to it or anything, but now that we’re talking about it I must say it’s lovely.”

Laurel blushed.  “Oh you’re just saying that.  It really is a crutch when nopony can understand you.”

“Nonsense,” Viktor shook his head, “I can understand you just fine.  But go on, really let it out.  Show me the raw power of a Prench pony on the loose!”

Rhapsody smiled.  “Vous êtes certainement un étrange poney Monsieur Splice.”

Viktor blinked.  “Uh huh.  Well I heard my name in there so I’m only going to assume you said wonderful things about me!”

“And why wouldn’t I?”  She brought her tea cup to her lips as she spoke.“So tell me something about yourself Viktor.”

“Me?  What do you want to know?”

“Well anything really.  Let’s start with the basics.  From your carbonic cutie mark and sweat-stained jacket I can assume you’re some sort of intellect, oui?”

Viktor sat upright, grinning widely.  “Some sort of intellect?  You’ve been kind to me, so I’ll let you off the hook for not immediately recognizing the one and only Doctor Viktor Splice, master of the minds.”  He struck an overtly-dramatic pose, eliciting a small giggle from Laurel Rhapsody.

“Of course I’ve heard of you Doctor.  Why just last week I received one of your ingenious vaccinations for rabies.”

“Timberwolf rabies to be exact.  It’s actually quite fascinating.  Rather than a being a specific strand of the neurotropic virus we’re used to, Timberwolf rabies is actually a fungal infection that thrives in moisture-rich environments.  The infected specimens we’ve seen are usually old and rotted, their decomposed vascular tissue and neurological structures providing the perfect homes for the nasty little life form.  In weeks a full-grown Timberwolf can go from being a healthy predator to a mushy pile of organic leaf-litter.  And then once the fungus gets into the soil it can enter our food supply or our waterways or—”

Viktor paused mid sentence to find Laurel staring at him sweetly, tea cup held in her forehooves.

“Of course it’s much more dangerous if you get bitten.  But that’s what the vaccines are for...”  His voice grew quieter and quieter as he spoke until it trailed off into nothingness.  He cleared his throat.  “Sorry, I uh, guess I get carried away sometimes.”

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for Viktor.  I find your tenacity appealing.”

“Haha thanks”.  Viktor made to drink his tea, then stopped halfway.  “Wait a minute. You aren’t just chatting it up with me because I’m a rich successful doctor are you?”

Splice’s little gag didn’t go over so well, as Laurel actually looked a bit offended.  “I thought I’d made it perfectly clear I wasn’t all about the material side of life.”  Her face lightened up.  “Plus, last time I checked, you’d donated all your money and were living in a rickety apartment above your lab.”

Viktor choked in his cup.  “What can I say?  I love my job.”

“And you love helping people.  Not just ponies, but everybody.  I prefer that you do your work for the love of science and others rather than fame and fortune.”  She drank from her tea cup.

Splice set his cup down on his saucer and looked Laurel over.  “And what about you eh?”  He glanced at her cutie mark.  “Sheet music... Are you a composer?  Pianist?  A singer perhaps?”

She smiled.  “Oui”.

“...Well which is it?”

“I am all that and more Doctor.  My art is to dabble in the arts themselves.”

Splice flashed a toothy grin, revealing his flattened pearly whites.  “That means you’re just like me then.  We don’t let our cutie marks dictate everything we do.  I may have a macromolecule on my ass, but I study much more than biochemistry.  Although I am a great chemist.”

“And I do much more than sing, though I am a great singer.”

“So if you’re so artistic, how come I’ve never heard of you?”

She sighed and leaned back.  “Hélas, it appears I was far too ambitious in coming to Canterlot.  Ponies here do not love the arts simply for what they are.  If there’s nothing to be gained in terms of social ranking or name recognition, they won’t even consider attending a performance.  I’ve not a penny to my name.”

Her once mirthful countenance had now deflated into something akin to wistfulness.  Viktor couldn’t stand to see Rhapsody like this.  He thought for a minute of some way he could possibly help her.  Then it hit him.

“The Princesses!”

Laurel raised an eyebrow at him.  “Pardon?”

“I could get you an audience with them!  I work side-by-side with Princess Luna.  Why if they see your talent, you could get the recognition you so desire!”

“Viktor, the whole point I was trying to make is that I’m not sure if I even WANT recognition here.  Ponies here are crude and greedy.”

“But that’s just it!  If you fall in with the crowds around here you’ll be swept up in their highfalutin lifestyle within a day.  But if you talk to the Princesses, you could market your talent to those who truly care.  The real artists of Equestria, vagabonds who spread their song throughout this country and beyond for the sake of true emotion.  You could start a revolution, turning Canterlot from a city of corruption into the highest form of artistic expression ponykind has ever seen!”

By the time he was finished, Viktor stood with one hind leg on his chair, one on the table, and his forehooves thrust upward in a heroic manner.  Laurel sat transfixed, her tea cup halfway to her mouth and her eyes wide as they watched Viktor attentively.  She looked into her cup, watching her reflection ripple on the surface of the liquid, and then smiled.

“You remind me of myself when I was younger Viktor.  So optimistic, so full of life.  Almost childlike.”

Viktor glared at her in mock-offense.  “Just who are you calling childlike??”

“Haha I didn’t mean anything bad by it.  Quite the opposite actually.  It’s... endearing.”  She gazed into her cup once more, then looked to Viktor, her mind made up.  “Alright Doctor, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

Viktor sat back down.  “It’s a date then.”

Laurel smiled deviously.  “I suppose it shall be our second one, ma chére.”  Viktor blushed redder than then the setting sun.

Splice lay back on a pile of fruit in his cellar, meticulously chewing on a bit of apple as he thought.

She called me childlike... he reflected in a pouty manner.  Well that “childlike” personality sure came in handy when we had—

He bolted upright, eyes wide and hoof tapping his chin in avid contemplation.  An idea came to him.  A big idea.  It was an idea he’d had before, one not given much thought due the preposterous nature of it when it was first conceived.  But now he had nothing to lose by trying.

The unicorn ran upstairs toward the second floor of his lab.  He began sorting through the various tools and artifacts stolen from Sweet Apple Acres, mentally checking off the things he would need as he found them. Sleeping bags, canteens, lantern...  He threw all this and more into two sets of saddlebags, slinging one over his back and carrying the other in his hooves.

Viktor dashed over to his main work desk and flipped through the various texts he had taken from Twilight’s library.  He tossed aside books on quantum mechanics and Equestrian history, frantically searching for one text in particular.  No no no no... Here we go!  Mythozoology was printed neatly on the cover.  Viktor flipped through the text until he found the entry he was looking for: Phoenixes.  Though not much was known of these elusive creatures, the entry served as a useful pocket guide for what Viktor had in mind.  He shoved the book into his saddlebags.

Splice then rummaged through the equipment he had stolen from the Canterlot Laboratories a couple of weeks ago.  Come on come on, I just need one… Ah here we are!  He spotted what he was searching for on a nearby desk and trotted over to retrieve it.  A large magical containment unit, designed for catching dangerous specimens such as Parasprites and the like.  It was long and cylindrical, designed so the body was constructed of glass and the ends were mechanical caps that whirred with life as bright orange energy ran through them.  Something the doctor himself had designed long ago.  It would be perfect for what he had in mind.

Slinging the contraption onto his back, Viktor cantered downstairs with a newfound spring in his step.  He threw open the steel door, taking in a deep breath of the cool evening-time air and sighing contentedly.

“Ooh MAN does that feel good!  Drog!  Oh Droog!”  He called out for his clone, looking left and right for any signs of him.  But Jean was nowhere to be found.  Viktor scratched his head.  “Where is that little mutt?”

A small groan emanating from behind the front door caught Viktor’s attention.  He stepped outside and shut the door, revealing a very much in-pain Jean comically smashed against the outer wall of the lab.

“Ah there you are Drog,” Viktor said as he peeled the young colt off the wall.  “Come now, we have work to do.”  Viktor threw his spare saddlebag over Jean’s back and began to walk off towards the depths of the Everfree.  Jean, once steadied, trotted over to Viktor’s side and matched his pace.

“Where exactly are we going Viktor?”

Splice smiled sideways at his younger clone, not slowing his step for even a second.  “You and I are going bird-hunting Drog.”

And as Jean withheld his confusion, the two of them walked off into the encroaching night of the Everfree Forest.

However, it is highly unfortunate for Viktor Splice that he was not a consistent receiver of the Ponyville newspaper.  For if he was, he would most certainly have read about the growing instances of ponies going missing in the depths of the Everfree.

And if both he and Jean weren’t preoccupied with the multitude of thoughts running through their minds, they just may have noticed a pair of bright pink eye watching them hungrily as they entered the troughs of that untamed hellhole.

7 - Wherein Sarah Pheromone Appears

Two ponies, one a devious doctor with a dilapidated sense of reality and the other his innocent clone, wandered through the darkness of the Everfree Forest.  It seemed like the start of a bad joke.  One you tell at a cocktail party after the butler has just been arrested for murder and you’re trying to re-lighten the mood.  But this was anything but a joke - except maybe to Viktor Splice.  He trotted along to the beat in his own head, bouncing up and down over the leaf litter and grime.  The magical containment unit, glowing orange with the energy pulsating through it, hung from his neck by the strap connected to it and bounced along with him.

Jean cantered beside Viktor.  He was frightened by the Everfree, that much he knew.  The cold shadows consumed him, draining him of his cheery attitude and replacing it with pure, unrestrained fear.  He bolted forward and stopped, whirling around to face Viktor.

“Okay Viktor, enough of the mystery.  What are we doing? Why are we here?”  His breathing came in short spurts, and his eyes darted about the forest warily.  Viktor eyed his clone up and down, taking note of his nervousness.  He smiled and continued walking forward.

“Ah young, impressionable Drog.  Does the forest upset you?  I don’t know why it would – you live in it!  The Everfree Forest is one of the most interesting locations in Equestria.  It doesn’t answer to the whims of ponies like the rest of the Equestrian landscape.  Instead, the Everfree Forest is its own master, continually growing and changing with no regard for the convenience of others.  Its depths have plagued the minds of scientists for centuries, driving those who attempt to study it insane, turning them into the very beasts they spend their lives observing.”  He stopped in front of a large-leafed plant ripe with pink fruit, taking a deep whiff of its contents.  Curious, Jean stepped forward and sniffed it delicately.  His snout made contact with the green leaves, and instantly a sharp stinging bite tore at his skin.  He yelped as his nasal passages were seared internally.  Viktor laughed, using his magic to remove the leaves and deposit them into his saddlebags.

“Dendrocnide moroides, otherwise known as Moonlighter.  Its leaves are covered in small hairs that stick to the victim and deliver a wonderfully painful neurotoxin.”  He looked down at Jean, who rolled around on the floor and cried in agony.  Viktor used his magic to take out the sharp slivers that had embedded themselves in Jean’s skin and sat the young colt upright.  His snout was bright red where he had been stabbed.  Viktor shook his head.

“Come on Drog you should know this, you’re my clone for crying out loud.”  He tenderly rubbed Jean’s face with a hoof.  The young colt looked up at Viktor with wide, watery eyes.

“Awwhh poor baby,” Viktor said.  He then smacked Jean upside the head, growling as he did so.  “Come on, snap out of it.  We’ve got work to do.”

Rubbing his snout, Jean glared at his creator.  “Jackass,” he muttered under his breath.

“I heard that!”

The two of them continued to venture deeper into the forest.  There was no path, no guide, no detectable marker that could lead them back to the safety of the lab once they were finished with this little mission.  But even so, Viktor continued forward, and Jean continued to tail behind him.

“You still didn’t answer my question.  What are we doing here?”

“You ask a lot of questions, you know that?”

“I guess I get it from you.”

“Mmm yes, my scientific inquisitiveness.  It’s great that you inherit one useful aspect of myself and yet still find a way to annoy me with it.  Do you really want to know where we’re going?”  He turned to face Jean, who returned his steely gaze.  “We’re going to find a Phoenix.  Why exactly is for me to know and you to find out, but if it succeeds, I’ll finally have what I want.”  He continued walking, leaving Jean hanging on his speech.

Jean took the bait.  “And what exactly is that?”

Viktor sighed.  “A return to normalcy.”

Later that night, the unlikely pair set up camp in the midst of a small clearing.  Mushrooms roasted on an open fire, and two sleeping bags lay separated by a pony’s breadth.  Viktor sat with a small notebook propped open in front of him.  Various jars surrounded him, each containing a different plant, fungus, or smaller life form he had gathered for further study, and he jotted down notes with a small quill held in his telekinetic grasp.  Jean eyed him curiously as he straightened out his own sleeping bag.  Viktor had a smile plastered on his face – not a malicious smile, but one reflecting true unbridled happiness.  Like a child unwrapping his very first present on Hearth’s Warming Eve.  It was fucking weird.

“What are you so happy about?”  Jean asked as he lay down to rest.

Viktor  jotted some final observations down before setting his quill to the side.  He looked at Jean, whose confusion sat plain as day upon his face.  Splice laughed.

“What?  Am I not allowed to be happy?”

“Well no it’s just, you usually aren’t.”

“To be fair Drog, you haven’t known me very long.  I admit I let my anger get the better of me at times, but there are moments when I’m happy.”  He gestured towards the preservation jars around him.  “Working is one of them.”

Jean eyed Viktor deliberately.  “And what exactly is ‘working’ to you?  Planning Celestia’s demise?”

“It’s much more than that boy.  There was a time when I didn’t want that bitch dead, and I loved working then almost as much as I do now.”  As he spoke he gathered up the jars in his hooves and organized them into his saddlebags.  “My love for science is something much simpler.  It’s a love of the work itself.  A love of analyzation and observation.  The best discoveries are those that are made when there is no intention to find them.”  He laid a hoof on Jean’s back, an act that could almost be mistaken for one of compassion.  “Sometimes you rattle the cages just to hear them sing.”

Jean’s gaze considered Viktor in his entirety.  He sensed something in his creator, something besides the homicidal and demented.  “What happened to you Viktor?”

Laughter rang throughout the clearing.  “You mean recently?  Well you did, you little fuck-up.”  Jean frowned - okay maybe there wasn’t anything more to Viktor.

Sparks rose steadily from the fire.  Crackles of light that danced an ephemeral dance on the stifling nighttime air.  Jean watched them rise and fall, twisting around each other until they blinked out of existence.  Maybe it wasn’t the best camping experience a young foal could have.  Maybe it wasn’t the best family a young foal could have.  Maybe it wasn’t anything special, sitting in a clearing with your devious creator planning something… well devious.  But to Jean, it was all he had, all he ever knew.  Half a month of living, and all he knew of were apples and pain.  He reached upward, pulling the red fez off his head, and held it in front of him to examine more closely.  It was a dark crimson, about the same color as blood, with a long black cord protruding from its peak.  It wasn’t anything special, just a freak accident that flew into the air and landed upon his head.  But he loved it.  That rigid cylindrical structure connected Jean to the only sanity he knew in this world: Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.  Three ponies he’d gladly call friends, and three ponies who accepted him for what he was rather than rejecting him for what he might be.  His fez let him know they were out there somewhere, hopefully happy and well.  Plus, if he was remembering correctly, the fez had a religious aspect to it.  That was something he could wear with pride.

A loud snoring sound reached Jean’s ears, and he turned to see Viktor sprawled out upon his sleeping bag, hat and glasses hanging precariously off his face.  The unicorn lay on his back, and drool oozed out of his open mouth as he snored.  His teeth, all sharpened to a point, shone brightly in the firelight.  It was peculiar, a pony with sharp teeth.  Jean knew it wasn’t natural – after all, ponies were herbivores, not meat-eaters.  Though I wouldn’t put it past Viktor to eat flesh…  The more Jean stared the more he wondered.  Why the sharp teeth?  Was it a mutated abnormality?  If so, why didn’t he have it?  Did Viktor do it to himself, or did somepony else do it to him?  So many questions to be answered, and considering them just created more.

Why the need for murder?  Why all the observing and scheming and destroying?  What does he want?  The never-ending string of questions swirled about in Jean’s head, circling one another until he became dizzy from just thinking of it.

A loud snap from beyond the line of trees caught Jean’s attention.  He shot to alertness, ears sticking straight up and breathing sharp while his eyes skittered the edge of the camp.  Jean didn’t want to die, not yet anyway.  He shoved his hat onto his head and pulled his sleeping bag closer to Viktor.  The doctor may not be the safest person to be around, but Jean would rather take his chances with Viktor than with a Manticore.

Splice awoke to find Jean snuggling against his side.  He lifted his head and looked at the child with drooping eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Jean nearly jumped out of his fur.  “Oh Viktor!  I thought I heard something and I got scared so I scooted over and and and oh jeez I’m sorry.  Can I please sleep next to you?  I promise I won’t make a noise or anything, you won’t even notice I’m here!”

Viktor glared at his clone.  I did notice you nudging up against my side you little…  He sighed.  Reaching a hoof around Jean’s shoulder blades, he pulled the young colt closer to him.  Jean could feel Viktor’s heart beating through his chest.

“Fine, but only for tonight.  Just let me sleep.”

“Oh thank you thank you Viktor!  It means so much…”  But Viktor had already begun snoring loudly.

Jean stared at him for a moment or two.  Smiling, the young colt lay his head to rest and shut his eyes peacefully.  Maybe there is something more to Viktor…

Jean’s eyes shot open.  A loud crack, much closer than the last time, had ripped him from his slumber.  He tried to sit up, but Viktor’s foreleg firmly held the colt low to the ground.  Jean looked at Viktor and was shocked to see the doctor’s eyes wide open, staring intently into his own.  Splice whispered very discreetly to his clone.

“We are not alone.  Lie down and pretend you’re asleep.”

As he said this, the rustling in the distance grew louder.  It sounded like somebody was running – hooves could be heard clapping against the rocks and dirt as the unidentified figure moved.  Suddenly, the bushes along the edge of the campsite shook violently.  A pair of bright pink eyes floated into Jean’s line of vision.  For a second they seemed to be eyeing both he and Viktor with something akin to predatory contemplation, but the next instant morphed into an expression of fear.  And as Jean watched, the floating pair of eyes protruded from the forest, followed closely behind by the rest of the creature’s figure.

It was quite the bewildering sight, seeing that frightened beauty come running from the depths of the Everfree.  She was tall, slender, but with the appropriate curves in all the right places.  A pegasus mare, probably about Viktor’s age, coated in mustard-colored fur and a flowing brown mane.  And flowing could barely describe it.  Her mane trailed behind her at lengths that rivaled Princess Luna’s.  It seemed to be a separate apparition, billowy and shadowy in appearance, as though it were the very beast she was running from.  It held its own level of beauty, truly wondrous in nature.

Now her eyes were something else entirely.  Jean found himself wrapped up in their depths.  Vibrancy incarnate, the very definition of lurid allure.  They made one feel safe, secure, frightened, consumed… it was as though their very appeal drained one of his livelihood and brought him to the brink of madness.  Appeal so strong it threatened to starve the soul.

All this and more registered in both Viktor and Jean’s respective minds as the lonely spirit sprinted into the depths of their campsite.  Her face was contorted into an expression of fear, and her limp revealed an issue with her front hoof.  Jean wanted to help her.  He didn’t know with what, but seeing someone as gorgeous as her so undoubtedly scared made him feel uneasy.  But Splice wasn’t having any of it, oh no.  He held his clone down with relentless fervor.  The doctor knew something was amidst, and he had an inkling of what it might be.

As she drew nearer to their fire, the pegasus mare vocalized her fears.

“Oh please, somepony help me!  Please, oh please!”

Viktor bolted up, eyes half-shut and discombobulated, acting as though he’d just woken up.

“Wuh, huh, who’s there??”

“Please, you’ve got to help m—oof!”

As she ran the yellow pony trip on a small rock in the clearing, falling face-first onto the ground.  Jean made a move to help her, but was stopped by Viktor’s hoof.  The unicorn shot Jean a hard look and shook his head.  He then trotted towards the mare in mock-concern.

“Oh dear, are you alright?”  He cooed.

She sat back on her haunches.  Her eyes watered pitifully, and her lip pouted out in utter sadness.  She cradled her injured hoof in the other one, attempting to nurse it back to health.

“A Manticore!  It was chasing me, and I tried running, but then I got this huge splinter in my forehoof.  And oh it hurts so much!”  Sniffles and chocking sobs emanated from the young mare.  She was a sorry sight indeed.

Splice once again displayed mock-sympathy.  “Oh you poor thing!  But, what were you doing out here all alone in the middle of the night?”

“My friend wandered off.  I told her not to, but she didn’t listen!  She said some guy had told her to meet him here, and now she might be… she might be…!”  The weight of it all became too much for the pegasus, and she broke down crying.  Jean couldn’t take it anymore.  He stood up and walked forward.

“Would you like me to take a look at that hoof?”  He offered.

Viktor glowered at him, but the young mare sniffed gently.

“That’s sweet of you, really.  But I’d rather if some more, experienced hooves, worked their magic on me.”  As she said this she looked up at Viktor, giving him a sly wink.  Jean blinked confusedly.

“Of course my dear,” Viktor replied, “now let’s have a look at that hoof.”

He reached forward carefully, keeping his eyes firmly on the hoof in question.  She extended her foreleg, keeping suspicious care to conceal the bottom part of the hoof were the supposed splinter resided, and as Viktor drew nearer to her Jean could see something change in her demeanor.  It was slight, but enough to be noticed: her eyes shifted from doleful to something more along the lines of viscously hungry.

But just before making physical contact, Viktor halted his forward movement and powered up his horn.  Purple light covered her hoof, which was violently flipped upward to reveal the affected area.  She yelped at the suddenness of Splice’s actions, appearing both surprised and frightened, as the three ponies looked down to see…

Nothing.

There was nothing attached to her hoof.  No splinter, sliver, bramble or any other sort of organic infiltrator.  She was spotless.

“Well,” Viktor stated nonchalantly, “isn’t that interesting.”  He looked upward to meet her gaze, a sly expression upon his face.  She returned a very shocked expression.

“Oh, well, I...” she muttered.

Viktor stood up and walked around her towards the fire, eyeing her suspiciously the whole time.

“Where did you say you were from again?”

“I-I didn’t.  I’m from… Ponyville.”

“Ponyville.  Yes that’s the name of it.”  Viktor moved to the other side of the campfire, placing a good amount of distance between himself and her, and beckoned for Jean to follow.  He complied obediently.

“Tell me my dear, why didn’t you go to the authorities when you felt your friend’s life might be in danger?”

The pegasus stared at Viktor in confusion.  She seemed to be at a loss for words.  “I-I… I panicked.”

“Mmm yes, panic often does drive one to perform ridiculous actions.  So, did it never cross your mind that you might fly over the forest and scan for your friend?  Or if that proved inefficient, at least use your illustrious wingspan to escape this supposed Manticore that was following you?”

“My wings are broken.”  She sputtered quickly.  Viktor laughed.

“No they aren’t.  I can tell by the way they were splayed out when you so foolishly came running into our campsite.  Trust me, I’m a doctor.”

The young mare, who up to this point had looked so frightened while being placed under interrogation, suddenly wised up to Viktor’s antics.  She smiled wickedly.

“Alright fine.  You’ve caught me.  I’m fit as a fiddle, and twice as lovely.”  She stood up and walked towards the fire.  As she skirted the flames, Viktor and Jean walked the same direction as she did.  They rotated around the fire, keeping it between them, as they watched each other carefully.  Splice glared at her angrily, while she watched him hungrily.

“So tell me pegasus, why are you really out here?  You can’t really expect me to believe you have a lost friend roaming these woods.”

“It’s really none of your concern why I’m out here, but if you must know I’ll tell you.  I’m hungry.”

“There’s plenty of food in Ponyville.”

“Mmm yes, but nothing like they have out here.  The tastes of the Everfree are much more exquisite.  Wild, exotic, squirming.  Why I could practically live out here if I wanted to!”

“And you do don’t you?”

She smiled cunningly.  “What do you think?”

As Viktor and the perpetrator came to a stop, he glanced at her cutie mark thoughtfully.  It was unlike any he had ever seen: a heart split down the middle – the left half a gorgeous shade of pure pink, the right dripping with black, malicious ooze.  Both halves were eternally bound together by four large stitches.  He smiled.  Gotcha.

“Tell me my lady, what exactly does your cutie mark represent?”

She smiled, looking out into the trees behind the pair rather than at her flank.  “Oh this old thing?  Why it’s simply a mark of my clan…”  She turned around, hoping to lower Viktor’s guard with a sudden change of pace.  “But why are you so worried about my cutie mark?  You should be worried about the Manticore sneaking up behind you!”

Viktor and Jean both took the bait, whipping around in fear of the beast they imagined was leaping out at them that very second.  But nothing was there.

Instead, a loud screech echoed from behind them.  It tore at their eardrums and sent freezing chills down their spines.  Jean turned back just in time to behold the most horrifying sight the young colt could ever hope to see.

The yellow pegasus had pounced into the air like a panther.  Embers grazed her underbelly as she soared over the campfire toward Splice and his furry little friend.  But now Jean could see what Viktor had already known.  She wasn’t a pony.  Four huge claws protruded from each of her forehooves – they seemed to just tear right out of her skin and threaten to sink into their unwary prey.  But they weren’t rigid structures like normal claws.  They were something far more sinister.  Her claws appeared to be half-flesh and half-shadow, a wispy mass of oozing black matter that pulsated with the pure evil flowing through her veins.  Her entire body was stretched and contorted in a similar manner.  It seemed as though her skeletal structure had gained extra mass and bulged outward, ripping apart her skin and fur to reveal the shadowy flesh-like substance that made up her entire being.  Trails of shadow flowed behind her as she flew through the air.  Tentacles of dark putty lashed about, extra appendages that protruded from her hideous form.  The base of her body was still there: yellow streaks and patches that peeked through the black shadow-flesh that now made up most of her.  It was like a zebra, half one color and half the other, impossible to tell which was in larger proportion.  She was truly horrifying.  But worst of all was her face.

Her mouth had ripped open to reveal rows upon rows of jagged shark-teeth.  Not just two rows of sharp teeth like Viktor’s, but rather several lines of teeth, one behind the other, receding into the depths of her maw.  The jaw seemed to not only dislocate, but stretch and morph like the rest of her body due to its oozing, malleable, fleshy design.  Her lips, now dark and shadowy, spiked into a number of large spears meant for tearing and gnashing at flesh.  And her tongue…  Her tongue was long and forked – a snake’s tongue that was far too large for a snake.  Impressive amounts of drool poured out from the cavernous entity that was her mouth, prepping it for the meal to come.  As for her hair and eyes – the two entities that once reflected a dangerous sort of beauty – they now only revealed her true demonic nature.

Her hair had turned black as night.  It was pure shadow, gushing from the back of her head and flowing out into the world behind her.  Her mane was another being entirely.  It transformed into arms and claws, ready for grabbing its prey.  Like snakes for hair, but shadow instead.  And her eyes, once so gorgeous and alluring, now large and slit like a cat’s.  The pink of the irises took up more space than before.  They now glowed vibrantly, only exacerbating their vibrancy.

In conclusion, Jean Splice pissed himself.

She howled into the night as she descended upon her prey.  A banshee screech would have nothing on the sound this beast produced.  But even so Viktor Splice did not flinch.  His back was still turned to the horrifying spectacle leaping towards him, and he made no effort to turn around.  Until the last second that is.

With climactic timing, Viktor whirled around and braced himself in a powerful stance.  His horn burst with energy as he focused his magic on the beast before him.  And while Jean cowered with a frightened complexion, Viktor Splice grinned devilishly at his triumph.

Jean Splice sat with his eyes shut tight, muttering to himself and expecting the end.  But it never came.  Cautiously, the young colt pried open his eyelids and gazed upwards to see what had gone wrong in the course of his certain demise.  He wished he hadn’t been so curious.

The monster hung a few feet above Jean’s head but only several inches from Viktor’s face.  Its mouth was opened large enough to swallow a stallion whole, and the tip of its snake-tongue sat a mere hair’s breadth away from the end of Splice’s muzzle.  Those large pink eyes stared at the doctor fearfully, wide with shock and bewilderment.  Its black-fleshy body arced over the fire, stretched far beyond the normal limits for a pony.  The beast had expected to be the victor, but was instead unfortunate enough to meet Viktor.

Viktor Splice’s horn shone brightly with the large amounts of energy pulsating through it.  A similar glow radiated from deep within the beast’s gut, and the unicorn had only managed to stop the monster by grasping it at its very core.  He could feel its vitals pulsing in his telekinetic grasp.

And so they remained, two ponies below and evil incarnate hanging above, until Viktor broke the silence with a small chuckle.  He looked the monster up and down before speaking.

“My goodness you are a gorgeous specimen.  So ripe with energy and volatility.  But you made one fatal mistake.  You attempted to subdue a pony who’s all too familiar with the shenanigans of your kind.”  He lowered her so her large eyes were level with his.  “You should really make your intentions less obvious, Shadow Being.”

As he spoke the creature’s eyes widened in disbelief.  Viktor continued speaking.

“Just how many of you are there?”

“Just me,” came the abominations slow curdling reply.

Splice growled.  “Liar.  Your species never travels alone.  You always move in packs, like Timberwolves.  Where are they, hiding in the trees?”  He turned his attention to the surrounding forest, calling out into the dead of night.  “Come on out!  I know you’re out there!”

“There’s nobody there, only me…”

He snorted.  “Lone wolf eh?  Alright.  Tell me, who are you?”

“I don’t need to tell the likes of you,” she snarled.

“You will, or you will die.”

Laughter slid out of the beast’s throat.  Laughter that didn’t actually sound happy, but rather the kind of laughter that masks a deep pain.  “Go ahead, kill me, you’d be doing the world a favor.  You’d be doing me a favor as well.”

Viktor stopped his onslaught of venomous remarks.  He shot her an inquisitive look.  “How?”

She snorted loudly.  “I’m the last of my kind Doctor…

…The last of the succubi.”

Thinking came to a standstill.  Viktor couldn’t correctly formulate words or sentences, and was condemned to sputtering incoherent phrases.  He took a few short breaths to steady himself before responding.

“The… last?  How is that possible?  Your race was a powerful one many years ago.”

She scoffed.  “A few centuries ago maybe.  Now it’s only me.  I am the last remaining member of the last remaining tribe of the once great race of Shadow Beings.  So go ahead, kill me, cleanse the world of our presence!”

Profound sadness emanated from within her very core.  Viktor could feel it with his magic.  He could see it in her eyes.  But most of all he could understand it, that feeling of utter desolation.

Slowly, Viktor released his magical grasp on the succubus, lowering her to the ground before him.  As he did, she relinquished her beastly form and reverted to her pegasus appearance.  Her face was marked with curiosity as to why the doctor was releasing her.  He looked into her eyes.  Those bright pink eyes.

“Your race may have been well-hidden, fairy tales to those who knew nothing of it.  But to those of us who knew, you were a powerful people…  What happened to your race?”

The mare stood her ground, determined to uphold her sturdy demeanor.  But seeing Viktor soften up, even slightly, broke her defenses.  She sighed.

“That tyrant used the power of the Elements to decimate us shortly after banishing her sister to the moon.  I guess we posed too much of a threat to her precious subjects.  Better us than them, you know?”

“She… exterminated the Shadow Beings?”

The mare nodded.  “She took everything, and now there’s only me.”

The two adult ponies considered each other for a long while.  They could kill each other, right here, right now.  If only one of them were to make the first move.  But instead, they both looked to the floor, disheartened and downcast.  Viktor was the first to speak again.

“She took everything from me as well.  My family, my life, my identity…”

The succubus looked into his eyes, searching for a hint of deception.  She found none, only that dismal dreariness that comes with bitter honesty.  He truly meant what he said.  Splice nudged his clone, who up until now had been watching the scene unfold in front of him amazedly.

“Hey, Drog, come on snap out of it.  Go pack up your saddlebags alright?”

Viktor looked the pegasus in the eyes.  “You’re free to go.  I won’t stop you.  Just… go.”  He snuffed out the fire with his magic, and then turned to pack up his things.  Before walking away he looked over his shoulder at the yellow mare.  “You have very beautiful eyes you know.  Pink is a wonderful color.”

She watched dumbly as the unicorn and his clone packed their sleeping bags away, and kept on staring even as they begin to walk away.  Just as they reached the edge of the clearing, she found her voice.

“Sarah!”  She shouted.  Viktor stopped, cocking his head back questioningly.  Shakily, she continued.  “My name is Sarah.  Sarah Pheromone.”

A gentle breeze flitted into the clearing, rustling the soft fur on the three ponies.  Viktor had his back turned to Sarah, who eyed him almost pleadingly.  He kept his own gaze pointed firmly downward.  Jean looked up to Viktor, eyeing him for any sign of emotion.  Sarah stepped forward.

“Let’s work together.  We can destroy her for what she did to us.”

Viktor laughed a scoffing laugh.  He responded without ever looking up from the ground.  “And how can I trust a demon such as yourself?”

Sarah stepped forward.  She was determined to make her point.  “Either we work together, or one of us dies here tonight.”

Viktor smiled.  He turned around to face her, newfound bliss plastered on his face.  “My god I think I love you.  Very well Sarah!”  The unicorn stepped forward, coming face-to-face with the succubus.  A blue hoof was thrust outward in mutual companionship, and she gratefully accepted it in her own.  “My name is Viktor.  Viktor Splice.”

“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance Viktor.”  She smiled.

“Well of course it is.”  He smiled back.  “Come now Sarah, we’ve much work to do and very little time to get you up to speed.”

And so three ponies, one an evil doctor, one a demonic succubus, and the other a religious child wandered through the depths of the Everfree Forest.  The start of a bad joke indeed.

8 - Wherein Phoenixes Flee

The three ponies prodded on through the Everfree in the middle of the night.  It was unusually quiet at this time, even for the Everfree.  It seemed the wild predators of the forest had better things to do than mess with a succubus and the monster she couldn’t kill, and instead kept their sights on smaller prey.  Viktor kept a steady pace and appeared to be quite content with his current situation.  Jean, on the other hoof, still exhibited much fear of the surrounding forest despite being accompanied by its two most dangerous creatures.  Sarah walked with a spring in her step and a song in her heart – things were finally looking up.

“So how do you know so much about the Shadow Beings?” she asked.  Her voice shot downward towards their ears, and for the first time Viktor and Jean noticed how exceptionally tall Sarah was for a mare.  She was even taller than Viktor, suggesting that she too was middle-aged rather than a younger adult.  Her long legs carried her delicately, but retained a sense of rippling power within them.  Beautiful yet deadly.  A gorgeous demon indeed.  Pheromone turned her attention to Viktor and continued her line of questioning.

“I mean really, I’ve heard we aren’t even mentioned in pony lore.”

Viktor smiled.  “You’re right.  I suspect nobody but I and possibly the princesses could know of your existence.  But that’s only because I learned some of my best magic from studying the succubi.”

Sarah’s mental processes came to a grinding halt – she stopped in her tracks and stared blankly ahead.  A fit of giggles erupted from her throat.  “You?!  Learn from the succubi??  Oh that’s a good one Doctor.  Unless you’ve been alive for over a thousand years, I’m not buying it.”

Viktor halted and glanced at the snickering pegasus with an eyebrow raised.  Did she think this was a joke?  “Having a good laugh there Sarah?”

She nodded whilst giggling.

Viktor released a huff of air and shut his eyes deliberately.  His horn flared to life, and once again a dark shadow enveloped Splice’s body, transforming him into the likeness of Shining Armor.

Sarah stood dumbstruck.  Her mouth hung open in shock and she slowly reached a hoof toward Viktor’s face, as through desperate to feel for herself the presence of her people’s long lost magic.

“The process, however, isn’t exactly complete…” Viktor explained.  As he said this Sarah’s hoof touched the side of his face, and she jumped back when it wavered like the surface of water.  Viktor’s snout stretched and contorted – a hologram rather than a true disguise.  It soon faded entirely and Viktor regained his original form.  Beads of sweat lined his forehead from his exertions.

“I could never hope to achieve the same level of proficiency as a true succubus.  My spells are obvious illusions even to the illusionists.”

Sarah guffawed.  “It’s not perfect but still… how??”

“Observation my dear.”  Viktor continued walking.  “From afar of course.  I’d never approach a succubus; they’re far too dangerous.  Er—no offense.”

“I take it as a compliment,” she purred.

“But anyway, many years ago I was the leading mind in the scientific community, charged with the discovery of knowledge and the foundation of new ways to improve the lives of others.  I researched the world’s most dangerous organisms.  Parasites, viruses, animals, and even the Shadow Beings.  It is only natural I should pick up on some of their magic.”

Sarah seemed giddy as a school-filly.  “What other Shadow magic can you do??”

Viktor stopped walking and rubbed a hoof to his chin thoughtfully.  “Well, I’ve learned a bit of the Succubus Mental Persuasion, but it’s nowhere near as effective as it would be coming from a true succubus.  If a pony were aware of what I’m doing, or if my focus is broken, their consciousness will begin to fight against the false reality I’ve created for them…”

“Wow…” Sarah seemed lost in thought, reminiscing on the olden days of shadow magic.  Suddenly it hit her like a freight train.  “Wait, how could you have observed us?  Our species has been in hiding for over 1000 years!”

Viktor waved this off with a chuckle.  “In due time my dear.  For now, we’ve work to do.”

With this, he began trotting off into the Everfree Forest.  Sarah made to follow, then noticed Jean sitting off to the side, watching the scene unfold before him curiously.  Sarah smiled.  “I don’t believe we’ve been properly introduced.  My name is Sarah Pheromone.”

Jean returned the smile gratefully.  “Nice to meet you, Sarah.  My name i—”

“Oh don’t waste your time with him dear,” Viktor called over his shoulder, “that’s nobody.  Just a useless mistake.”

Jean’s glare spoke volumes of his resentment towards this statement.  Before he could retort Sarah laid a hoof on the young colt’s shoulder.

“Ignore him.  May I ask for your name?”

“My name is Jean Splice.”

“Well it’s a pleasure to meet you Jean.”  They began following Viktor at a snail’s pace as they talked.  “Are you… Viktor’s son?”

Jean laughed nervously.  “Not exactly…  I’m his clone.”

Sarah cocked her head.  “What’s a ‘clone’?”

“Umm…”  Jean scrunched up his face in consideration.  Since Sarah had lived her entire life hiding from the rest of pony society, it seemed only natural that she shouldn’t have a grasp on scientific concepts such as cloning.  But explaining it was a bit challenging for Jean.

“It means my genetic makeup is identical to his – at least it should be – which would result in the propagation of the same biological creature.”

Sarah blinked.  “’Genetic makeup’?”  She inquired.  Jean’s eyes squinted as he tried to come up with a better explanation.  At this moment, Viktor saw fit to interject from ahead of them.

“It basically means he’s a copy of myself.  Everything about him is supposed to be exactly the same as I, except for age of course.”  Viktor glanced backwards towards Sarah.  “Don’t worry Sarah, we’ll get you caught up in terms of scientific education.”

“But if he’s your clone,” Sarah asked, “why is everything about him a different color?”

Viktor choked.  “So I made a few errors in my process alright?  Let’s just move past it.”

Jean whispered covertly to Sarah.  “He’s just a little upset because for once he wasn’t as smart as he thinks he is.”

Sarah nodded slowly, looking between Viktor and Jean.  She leaned in close to the young colt and spoke softly.

“So why does Viktor seem to hate you so much?”

Jean was just about to gripe over Viktor’s obvious overreaction to the fact that his one true talent is to serve the Sun Goddess that Viktor seems to hate.  He then realized that Sarah, whose species was apparently wiped out by said goddess, would probably not appreciate it any more than Viktor did.  Thus, Jean Splice sputtered for a few moments in an attempt to come up with some logical explanation that wouldn’t upset Sarah.  Viktor however, who overheard the question despite Sarah’s discreetness, decided to fill in for Jean.

“Just look at his flank Sarah.”  She leaned in close and noticed Celestia plastered on Jean’s ass.  Her countenance darkened.

“Why is she on your flank?” Sarah hissed.  Jean gulped and avoided her piercing gaze as he sought an explanation.  Again, Viktor intervened.

“It’s because he’s a worthless mistake of a lab assistant.  Drog here seems to think Celestia is some sort of goddess, and that it’s his duty to serve and support her in all her wrong-doings.”

Jean wanted to respond, but he was cut off by Sarah.  “YOU SUPPORT HER?!”  She roared.  Her pupils reverted into slits, and her lips spiked into sharp spears once again.  The young colt cowered under her gaze as black ooze dripped from her mouth – pissing off a succubus was scary business.  Fortunately, her anger was short-lived, and Sarah reverted to her normal state and took a deep breath to calm herself.  Once again she posed her question to Jean, but this time did so more delicately.

“Sorry Jean, I forget my manners.”  Her voice sounded strained.  “What I meant to ask was, why in the bloody hell would you support that…”

“Bitch.”  Viktor finished.

Sarah nodded.  “Yes, bitch.”

Jean threw up his forehooves in defense.  “Look, I can understand why you’re upset, but what you need to understand is that I think Celestia has everyone’s best interests at heart!”

“Oh yeah, she sure seemed to have my people’s interests at the forefront of her list.”

“Sarah…”  Jean chose his words carefully.  “Have you ever considered that maybe Celestia did what she thought was for the greater good?”

The succubus leered at Jean.  How easy it would be for her to just kill the ignorant fool right then and there.

“How is mass-genocide of my family for the greater good?”

“Your species feeds on others!  It’s unnatural!”

“Unnatural??”  Her face ripped open to reveal its demonic visage once again.  “You think this,” she pointed towards her face, “is unnatural?  It’s anything but unnatural.  Plenty of animals feed on the life-force of others Jean.  This is the way we are.  The way I am.”  She slowly resumed her normal shape and leaned in close, making sure she was at eye level with the young colt.  “We have just as much right to exist as your species does.”

Jean, now shaking, still held his ground.  “That may be, but when someone attacks the people you love, the ponies you care for, and they refuse to listen to reason, what other choice do you have but to retaliate?”

Sarah smiled.  “Well at least we agree on one thing.  Now you see why Viktor and I are out for blood.”  She stood to her full height and continued to follow Viktor, who up till now had watched the scene unfold curiously.  Sarah made one last remark towards Jean.

“You seem like a nice young lad Jean, and I think you and I can get along swimmingly.  Just leave me to do as I please and I’ll do the same for you.  Deal?”

Jean nodded.  “Deal.”

“Don’t worry,” Viktor said as the other two caught up with him, “he’ll soon see what we see in that tyrant…”

After walking in silence for some time, Sarah readdressed Viktor.

“Alright Dr. Mysterious.  I didn’t push the whole ‘I-somehow-know-shadow-magic’ thing or question how exactly you managed to create a clone of yourself, but I’ve told you a lot about me tonight.  I think it’s time you tell me what it is you’re doing out here.”

Jean voiced his agreement.  “Yeah Viktor, I’d like to know why we’re searching for a Phoenix anyway.”

Sarah cocked her head.  “A Phoenix?”

Viktor continued walking, half-paying attention to what the two of them were saying.  He just bobbed along the road with a stupid smile plastered on his face and an upbeat song in his heart.  Sarah grew tired of this smug expression fairly quickly and stepped in front of the doctor.

“Viktor,” she said slowly, “what do you need a Phoenix for?”

His eyes gazed off into the distance, half-lidded and wistful-like.  A self-approving smile remained plastered on his face.  Slowly, deliberately, Viktor dragged his eyes over to face Sarah.  She watched him confusedly as he spoke.

“What is death?”  He asked.  The sudden change of pace caught Sarah and Jean off guard.  They looked at each other, puzzled, then turned their attention back to Viktor.  Neither of them said a word.

“Death,” Viktor continued, “is the strangest sort of occurrence there is.  Contrary to popular belief, it is not a condition that we all eventually reach.  It is a transition – the alteration from one state of being to the next.  And what, we must ask ourselves, is the nature of being after this transition?”  He looked back at the two of them, waiting for an answer.

They stared at him, mouths open and eyebrows raised.  Viktor stared at Jean.  “Come on Drog, I know you have an opinion on this.  Do you believe there is an afterlife?”

The young colt kept his eyes squarely on Viktor.  He looked to his creator warily, as though answering this question were a trap he couldn’t escape from.  Jean nodded his head carefully.  Viktor turned his attention to Sarah.  “Do you Sarah?”

She remained motionless, looking through Splice rather than at him.  Viktor walked towards Sarah and took one of her forehooves in his.  He lowered his voice to a whisper.

“Do you believe in life after death Sarah?”

Her lips mouthed words silently.  Her breath wavered as it was sucked inward, and her eyes watered as it blew outward.  She shook her head slightly.  “I… I don’t know…”

“Neither do I.”  Viktor smiled reassuringly.  He released her hoof and began to walk off again, leaving her to stand in solemn contemplation.  It took Jean’s small hoof on hers to snap her out of her reverie.  Viktor continued his speech.

“The Phoenix knows this transitional state better than we do.  It constantly burns in the heat of its own death, only to rise from the ashes and live once again.  As a scientist, I feel it is my duty to observe this phenomenon that is so readily presented to us.  What better way to learn about our own existence than to study that of the creature which transcends the bounds of life?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa hold on!”  Jean shouted.  “Knowledge of the afterlife is not something that should be toyed with Viktor!”  Viktor could be heard groaning loudly, but Jean continued anyway.  “I know you don’t believe in Celestia.  I know you don’t think she should be regarded as anything other than a nuisance.  I know you have the most pessimistic outlook on life that I could ever possibly conceive of.  But enough is enough Viktor.  This is something I can’t agree with, and I won’t let you do it.”

Jean Splice firmly stood his ground, as though refusing to move would persuade Viktor to throw himself on the floor and beg for the young colt’s forgiveness.  As though his own silent protest would force Viktor Splice to reconsider this path of self-destruction he’d began walking.  Instead, Viktor laughed.

“You done Drog?”  Jean glared at Viktor.  “Because I have work to do.  Sarah.”  The succubus jumped at hearing her name.  “Would you be so kind as to help me capture a Phoenix?  I need it to be in ash-form so I can effectively analyze it, and I take it you know these woods better than I do.”

Sarah blinked.  “Viktor, Phoenixes only rise from their ashes once every 500 years.”

“What??”  Splice pulled out his pocket-guide on Phoenixes and began flipping through the pages rapidly.  “This stupid book didn’t say anything about that!  When was the last rejuvenation of the ones in this forest??”

“About 200 years ago according to the records my people used to keep.”

“Yes!”  Jean hoof-pumped and began doing a little jig while Viktor pounded his hooves on the floor in anguish.  “See Viktor, you can’t fight fate!”  Jean taunted.

Sarah coughed into her forearm.  “But the Shadow Beings have figured out that the Phoenix has a very special defense mechanism when faced with a succubus in its true form.  They catch on fire and convert themselves entirely to ash in attempt to escape from our life-sucking capabilities.”

Viktor jumped up excitedly.  “Really??”  He danced on his hind-legs and thrust his forehooves into a now appalled Jean Splice’s face.  “Hahahaha you little twerp!  I win again!  FUCK FATE!”

Splice leaped forward and grabbed Sarah in a large bear-hug, throwing her off guard.  He held her at arm’s length and grinned widely as he looked into her eyes.  “Where’s the closest Phoenix nest?”  He asked.

She blinked again.  This doctor’s eccentric personality kept throwing her for a loop, and they’d only just met.  “It’s around the other side of this mountain.  A fifteen minute walk at best.”

“Perfect!”  Viktor exclaimed.  He ran up to Jean and lifted the angry colt up off the floor.  “You hear that Drog?  We’re gonna get a Phoenix!”

Jean rolled his eyes.  “Wonderful…”

The Phoenix sat perched in its nest.  It retained a wild sense of regality; it was primal and sophisticated all at once.  Viktor could appreciate this stark contrast that the Phoenix seemed to master, but he’d always believed the Shadow Beings did it better.  Sarah Pheromone was living proof of that.

“Alright Sarah,” Viktor whispered, “if you pull this off, I’ll forever be in your debt.”

“You already are,” she smiled seductively sideways at him, “because I didn’t kill you, remember?”

He grinned back at her.  “I think you owe me for not killing you.”

Jean groaned, and Viktor hushed him lest he scare away the Phoenix.  The three of them sat in the bushes a few yards away from the tree and watched the Phoenix as it slept.  Viktor held the magical containment unit in his forehooves in preparation for the moment when he would jump out and catch the Phoenix’s ashes.  Sarah was ready to go, but she needed Viktor to give the signal.

“Alright Sarah, just do your thing and I’ll be waiting to get this Phoenix.”  She jerked a nod.  “Drog,” Viktor looked at his clone, who was lying on his back staring up into the leaves of the bush dejectedly.  “You just uh… you stay right there.  Alright let’s do this!”

Sarah bolted out from the bush, shadows trailing behind her.  Her wings flipped open and she glided inches above the floor, not making so much as a whistling noise as the air rushed past her frame.  She reached the base of the tree and snaked her way up it.  Long trails of black shadow magic emanated from her body and wrapped around the tree behind her as she moved upward.  Once she reached the top, Sarah found the branch upon which the Phoenix slept and crept towards it.  She planted her elbows on the branch and rested her head on her forehooves as though waiting for a bartender to pass her a drink.  Sarah cleared her throat.

“Hey.”

The Phoenix practically jumped out of its feathers as it whipped its head around wildly.  It caught sight of Sarah and screeched, preparing to enter fight-or-flight mode.  Pheromone however, didn’t give it the chance to respond.  Her face ripped open into its beast form once again and she shrieked into the night.  The Phoenix looked like it was having a heart attack.  Its face contorted into an expression of pure fear and within seconds its entire body caught on fire.  It fell backwards out of the tree, flames tearing its body apart and converting it into ashes.  At the last second, Viktor jumped out from behind the tree and popped open the magical containment unit.  The ashes fell neatly into the tube, and once Viktor shut it the machine whirred to life.  An orange glow emanated from within the tube, magic that kept the ashes floating in the empty space of the tube without letting it touch the glass sides.  The Phoenix would be kept in a perpetual state of stasis, stuck in the transitional state between life and after-death, until Viktor decided otherwise.

“Alright!”  Viktor exclaimed.  He jumped onto his hind legs and thrust the tube into the air above his head.  “We got ourselves a Phoenix!”

“So I did good eh?”  Viktor looked to Sarah, who was now smiling down at him from the Phoenix’s nest.

Viktor was just about to tell Sarah that she’d done better than good, that she was the most perfect succubus he’d ever had the misfortune to meet.  Instead, a shrill shriek ripped open into the night.  It cut across the landscape, violating their eardrums and making the hairs on their neck stand on end.  Several other screams rang up in unison with it, a choir of sirens crying out from the depths of the Everfree Forest.  For several minutes the sound continued.  Then, all at once, it stopped.  Viktor released his hooves from his ears and looked around warily.  Jean crept out from behind the bush, visibly shaken and fearful of his surroundings.

Before either of them could say a word the sound of a thousand wings beating against the air could be heard soaring upward.  The moonlight was momentarily blocked out as hundreds upon hundreds of Phoenixes soared into the sky.  They clustered into a large mass, flapping fervently to escape the confines of the branches and the leaves.  Viktor and Jean watched this exodus in amazement as Sarah leapt off the branch and landed gracefully besides them.

“That’s the thing about Phoenixes,” she said, “True death is such a rare occurrence for them, they flee when it happens.  I know that if you released that Phoenix right now it would spring to life, and I know you know this as well.  But the Phoenixes, they don’t know that.  One of them must have seen this Phoenix burn up.  And when it failed to rise from the ashes, they sounded the alarm to warn the rest of the colony that the Everfree Forest was no longer safe for them.”  She watched as the last of the Phoenixes flew from their line of sight.  “The Phoenixes have fled.”

“Wow…”  Viktor shook his head in wonder.  “Now there’s something this stupid pocket-guide doesn’t tell you…”  He took the text titled Mythozoology from his pocket and stared at it blankly.  “Oh well,” he shrugged and chucked the book into the bushes, “I only needed one Phoenix anyway.  Come on Sarah, let’s go home.”

She watched Splice as he trotted merrily along in the direction of his laboratory.  “Home?”  She asked.

“Well, yes,” Viktor replied.  He stopped and faced Sarah directly.  “If you’re going to be my assistant it’s only right that you be provided with a place to stay.”  Splice laid a hoof on Sarah’s shoulder.  “You’re part of the family now.”

Sarah smiled sweetly.  “That sounds wonderful, Viktor.”

Satisfied, the doctor turned and began trotting off into the forest.  Sarah would have followed him right away, but at that moment, she had other matters to attend to.  Jean Splice sat with his back facing her, picking up the copy of Mythozoology that Viktor had so carelessly thrown away.  The young colt was visibly unhappy.  This night had been a gauntlet of unfortunate events for him.  And although she didn’t agree with everything he believed in, Sarah did feel sorry for the kid.  She walked up besides Jean and sat down with him.

“Hey Jean,” she said.  He barely made any motion other than a small movement of his head.  She continued.  “Look, I know we probably haven’t gotten off on the right hoof.  I’m a succubus, you’re a religious fanatic.  I helped your crazy creator capture a Phoenix, you… obviously didn’t like that.  And I know Viktor just welcomed me into his home without so much as consulting you.  I mean why would he right?  It’s his home.”  Jean didn’t respond.  “Like I said before Jean, I think you and I can get along swimmingly.  But first,” she laid a hoof on his shoulder, “I need you to be willing to try.”

Jean looked up at Sarah.  He wanted to retort.  He wanted to give her some snarky comment about how what Viktor was doing was wrong and how she shouldn’t help him.  But when he saw Sarah’s face, all of that changed.

At that moment, Sarah wasn’t a monster.  The moonlight hit her face in such a way that it softened her features.  Her eyes wavered in a way that seemed real.  None of that demonic bullshit that frightened him so much earlier.  It was real.  She was real.  And at that moment Sarah Pheromone looked happy.  She looked happy to have found someone that accepted her for who she was and welcomed her with open arms.  If she could be happy despite all that had happened to her and her species, why couldn’t he?

Jean sighed, and then smiled up at her.  “Alright Sarah.  I’ll try.  Welcome to the family.”

And with that, the three ponies walked through the Everfree towards Viktor Splice’s laboratory.

My Dearest Sister Twilight,

I know it’s been nearly a month since you wrote to me, and for that I apologize.  I’ve been busy.  Nothing critical really, just a lot of the day-to-day routine that makes up the life of a Captain of Celestia’s Royal Guard.  I’ll try to write more often, but try not to hold it against me if this job acts as a kind of barrier between us, ever-growing and impenetrable.

As for your fears that something evil and foreboding is apparently lying in wait, I wouldn’t worry too much about it.  It’s most likely nothing more than petty theft.  However, I will be sending over a contingent of guards to gather information and do some rounds.  Nothing extreme.  Just precautionary.

Believe me when I say there is nothing to be afraid of.  Nothing is rotten in the state of Equestria, of that I am certain.  Would I ever lie to you Twily?

Sorry to cut this letter so short, but duty calls.  Stay safe.

Lots of love,

Shining Armor

Shining Armor lay down his quill and sighed.  He turned around and looked solemnly at Celestia, who towered over his shoulder.  She frowned.

“Don’t look at me like that Shining.  What else would you have me do?”

“I don’t know,” he grumbled, “anything but lie to my sister.”

“It’s for her own protection.  Twilight is an inquisitive soul – if we open up the possibility that there is danger afoot, Twilight will certainly go out and search for it.  And I think you can agree with me that she’s much safer far out of the reach of Viktor Splice.”

Shining read the letter over once more.  “Do they know?”  He asked.

Celestia shook her head.  “Guardian Angel and her troop are still adjusting to all that’s happened.  Since the lab was destroyed they’ve lost their one assignment.  I need you to tell them of their new positions.”

Shining rolled up the letter.  “And what of the scientists that survived the heist?”

“I’ll be sending them over to Guardian’s contingent tomorrow, after you’ve given the guards the news.”

“Do you really think everybody will agree to this?  Dr. Polymer looked like he’d rather die than face Splice again.”

“I don’t really have a choice Shining.  Once Viktor singles someone out, they’re doomed to either fight back or accept their fate.  As it is, Guardian’s troops and Polymer’s researchers are the only ones who know of Viktor’s existence and actually have the skills necessary to fight back.”

Shining Armor watched Celestia as she made her way toward the door.  She opened it and stepped halfway out before looking back at Armor.  “Training begins tomorrow morning Captain.  I trust you’ll have the troops prepared.”

Princess Celestia shut the door to Shining’s room, leaving him to ponder all that happened.

9 - Wherein the Guardians Polymerize

“Ugh when’s she getting back?”

“I don’t know, man.  It’s been like… a whole ten minutes.”

“Dude she said she was only going to get artichoke from the farmer’s market.  How long does it take to get artichoke?”

The pair of stallions leaned out the window of their home, glancing down either direction of the street they lived on.  One, a sturdy blue pegasus wearing a dented guard’s helmet, let out a gust of breath and slumped over the windowsill.  His yellow unicorn partner stood erect, listening for any sign that their mutual friend had returned.  Above them towered Canterlot Castle, the impenetrable behemoth that symbolized the strength of Equestria itself.   Their house was situated alongside the main road leading up to the castle gates, and though it was much bigger than the surrounding houses it appeared far less pompous.  A simple white color with a few splashes of purple.  Cracks could be seen alongside the wall, homage to the many years of use and disrepair this building had seen.  It really wasn’t their fault – as the only guards defending Canterlot Laboratories there really wasn’t much time to worry about home furnishings.  These barracks served as a place of rest between shifts and nothing more.  Up until recently they hadn’t really been in their house all that much.

It was a beautiful day in Equestria.  Sunshine rained down delicately upon the various mares and stallions trotting along the streets of Canterlot, patting their backs like an old friend.  But such beauty was only superficial.  Canterlot itself had become the primary breeding grounds for fear and paranoia since the labs blew up nearly a month ago.  Unexplained causes enticed rumors to spread like wildfire.  Was it an attack?  Were they in danger of invasion?  Perhaps it was a conspiracy to ensure loyalty since Nightmare Moon’s return?  Or perhaps it was Princess Luna herself resorting to her dastardly ways?  In any case, the news that dangerous airborne neurotoxins had been emitted from the explosion drove the citizens mad.  Many expressed their desire to flee, go off and live with distant family members or something of the like.  But Princess Celestia had made a formal issue to her citizens: A simple core malfunction, nothing more, had caused the lab destruction.  She allowed for the publication of a joint article – authored by both Dr. Polymer, head of Canterlot Laboratories and Surgeon General for Equestria, and Captain Shining Armor – stating that “pressure buildup due to faulty gas pipes had unleashed perception-altering neurotoxins in an explosive manner”.  The mess was cleaned up now, Shining’s specially trained guards had seen fit to that, so there was no need to worry about any dangerous chemicals floating in the air.  And as for family members of Canterlot Labs researchers who were worried that their hospitalized kin kept blabbering on about a “sharp-toothed individual”, this was nothing more than a common delusion brought on by the neurotoxin.  Hallucinations were known symptoms of such chemicals after all.

And so panic was subdued, externally of course.  The citizens of Canterlot had taken everything said as factual and stuck to it with the belief that it would be worth something when all was said and done.  If the Captain of the Royal Guard said something was true, well that had to be taken with a grain of salt.  Captains were swayed by political turmoil and the like.  But if the researchers of Canterlot Laboratories said it was true, especially the Surgeon General himself, then there was no denying its credibility.  Scientists did have all the facts after all.

Thus, the citizens of Canterlot walked about like they had not a care in the world, when in reality their eyes darted back and forth and their ears perked upwards at every passing noise.

But on this morning in particular, one pegasus mare stood out amongst the crowd.  She was young, possibly early 20’s, with the most adorable hint of chubbiness to her face that made her cheeks puff up when smiling.  Her fur was a sleek shade of white, and her mane a bright jubilant pink.  She fluttered her wings as she walked, shaking loose a few tattered feathers leftover from today’s preening, and readjusted the saddlebags slung over her back.  Atop her head sat a large helmet that looked a size too large for her head.  And as she walked, she released a merry tune from deep within her soul.

“I’m walkin’ on sunshine, whoa-oh!  I’m walkin’ on sunshine, whoa-oh-oh!  And don’t it feel good!”  The young mare bounded along the streets of Canterlot, enjoying the warmth of a bright new day.  Her cheery demeanor practically radiated outward into her surroundings, bringing happiness and vitality into the gloomy city.  The downtrodden and depressed found themselves taken in by the peppy song she spewed forth.  Her lighthearted steps and overall sense of carelessness melted hearts and upturned frowns.  And it was good, for it seemed to return some of the happiness that had become such a rarity in the capital of Equestria.

As she approached the large cracked house, the two stallions leaning out the window perked up.

“Hey Guardian!”

“Guardian?  Oh Guardian, you’re back!”

She giggled as they scrambled over each other to meet her at the door.  They flung themselves outside and flopped on top of each other in a tangled mess of limbs.  Once free of each other’s bodies they stood erect and alert, saluting the mare before them in an over-caricaturized manner.  Her face scrunched up and she returned their mock salute.

“At ease gentlemen,” she responded in as gruff a voice she could manage.

Then the lot of them broke out into fits of laughter.

“Oh Guardian,” her yellow-toned companion stammered through wheezing breath, “it’s good to have you back.”

“Yeah,” added the blue stallion, “I thought we were gonna starve to death!”

“Fear not gentlemen!”  The mare stood tall, shutting her eyes and raising her chin in an overtly-pompous manner.  “For I, Madam Guardian Angel Von-Hoofington, have heard your cries for help and have deemed it necessary to take pity on you, my loyal subjects!”  With a flourish she produced three bound packs of artichoke from her saddlebags and held them in her mouth for the world to see.  Immediately, the pair of stallions dropped their heads to the ground and began groveling at her hooves.

“Oh madam you are too kind!  We are not worthy of your generosity!”

“Tsk tsk.  Rise my brave knights, you bow to no mare.”

“Except maybe to Princess Luna,” the blue stallion responded.  “I’d tap that in a heart beat.”

The yellow unicorn popped him on the shoulder and told him to shut up, eliciting another giggle from Guardian.

“Oh you two,” she shook her head.  “Is everybody ready for dinner?”

“Girl we’ve been ready for like the past hour.  What took you so long?”

As they spoke the three of them walked inside and made their way to the kitchen.

“Hey it isn’t my fault.  It just so happens I had other matters to attend to that didn’t involve making sure you numbskulls don’t starve to death.”

The blue pegasus smirked devilishly.  “Did these ‘other matters’ happen to involve something shiny?”

Angel dropped the artichoke onto the kitchen counter unceremoniously.  She attempted to hide the growing blush on her cheeks.

“Uh, N-no.  Well, I mean yes, but..”

“Oh my gosh, you stalker you!  Why don’t you just jump him already!”

“Hey!”  Guardian whirled around and shoved a hoof in his face.  “I will have you know that I just so happened to see Mr. Armor at the market while getting your dinner.  It’s not my fault he decided to buy food today…”  She turned back to the counter and began flipping through the cabinets for a cutting board, a large blush growing on her cheeks.  The pegasus smiled wider and moved to look her in the eye.

“And I suppose you also didn’t follow him around while he shopped?”

“No, I didn’t!  I’m not that creepy…”

“Really?  Then what did he buy?”

Her bangs covered her eyes as she looked down sheepishly.  “Four tomatoes, two packs of strawberries, five apples, some grapes…”

The stallion fell back and held his chest as he laughed.  Guardian Angel swatted him away.

“Oh come off it!  Why don’t you go upstairs and get everybody ready for dinner ya goof!”

He rolled over and stumbled out of the room, shielding himself from Guradian’s relentless onslaught.  The stairway echoed with playful taunting as he fled.

Guardian shook her head, smiling to herself as she did so, then turned back to the counter and began chopping up the artichoke.  As she did she hummed lightly, and the yellow unicorn standing next to her leaned against the counter and listened to her song.  They stayed like that for some time, enjoying the peace of the moment, before her companion spoke up.

“What do we do now Guardian?”

She grabbed the cutting board and scooped the artichoke into a bowl.  “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what do we do now that we’re out of a job?  We’ve been living off Celestia’s good graces for the past month, but you and I both know that ain’t gonna last long.”  He leaned closer to her.  She seemed to be ignoring him, but he was more aware of other people’s emotions than his blue-toned friend.  He knew she was listening.

The pegasus lifted his forehoof and gently turned Angel to face him.  She purposely avoided eye contact with him.

“Guardian, how much money do we have left?”

Her eyes darted back and forth.  “Enough…” she replied bluntly.

“Angel.”

“…for a week.”

“A week??  When were you planning on telling everybody!”

She reeled back.  “Look I’ve got it under control!  I just… didn’t want to worry everybody.”

A sigh escaped his lips.  Leave it to Guardian to try and protect the others from the truth.  “Angel, you know we appreciate all you do for us.  But if something’s up you ougtha let us know.  We can help.”

“I know, I know, I just… I thought maybe I could find work by the end of the week.  Then I wouldn’t have to worry everybody.”

He sighed.  “That’s sweet Angel.  But don’t forget that we worry about you too.”

The two of them smiled at one another for a moment.  Guardian meant well, but sometimes she could be as pigheaded as the others.

The sound of over a dozen pairs of hooves could be heard scrambling downstairs.  Guardian turned to the doorway of the kitchen and watched expectantly as ten ponies came pouring into the kitchen.

Two Earth ponies, one male and one female, bolted ahead of the crowd.  Their powerful legs shot them ahead of the three unicorns behind them, who struggled to keep up with sheer Earth pony endurance.  Two of the unicorns, both mares, glanced at each other knowingly, before powering up their horns.  They disappeared in a flash and reappeared at the head of the pack, attempting to greet Guardian before the others.  While the two Earth ponies managed to skid to a stop before colliding with these two mares, the third unicorn, a scrawny stallion, smashed into the four of them and created a multi-pony pileup.  Four pegasi – three stallion and one mare – turned the corner and barely had any time to react.  Three of them tripped up and fell head first into the pile, while the fourth leapt into the air and glided gracefully before Angel.  It was the blue pegasus who had taunted her earlier, and now he stood before her looking smug as ever.

“I brought ‘em,” he announced happily.

Guardian Angel facehoofed while the yellow unicorn next to her stifled a chuckle.

“And so then I said, ‘Welfare??  Like hell I’m paying that!’”

Raucous laughter rang out across the table after the stallion had finished his story.  A pegasus began choking on his food and fell face first into his mashed potatoes, eliciting more laughter once somebody else performed the Heimlich maneuver on him.  Guardian Angel sat at the head of the table, wiping tears from her eyes and struggling to breathe.

“You are awful!  You know that?”  She clutched her chest and rolled out of her chair.

This was part of the norm for the group.  Twelve guard ponies sat around a large rectangular table, sharing stories and struggling to eat calmly.  Dinnertime was usually the only time of day they were together, so making conversation rather than actually eating had become tradition.  Even now that they had lost their jobs and spent all day indoors, the dinner fiesta hadn’t lost its social charm.

A unicorn mare spoke up through gasping breaths.

“I still can’t believe that mare even gave you a chance!  She must’ve been crazy.”

“She was!  She still writes to my mother to tell her I’m not ‘ready to commit’.”

More laughter bounced about the table before the blue pegasus from earlier spoke up.

“That’s almost as sad as Guardian’s obsession with Shining!”

“Hey!” Guardian shouted, “it’s not sad!”  Though what he said seemed cruel, Guardian knew her friend meant nothing of it.  They could heckle one another without causing harm.  “You take that back!”

“Oh Angel,” another pegasus spoke up, “we all know you like him.”

“Yeah, there’s no point in hiding it.”

“No, I don’t!”  her cheeks puffed outward as she pouted.

The blue pegasus spoke up once more.  “Guardian you hung around him like a puppy after we left the castle!”

“Yeah, and we could see you drooling!”

“I was hungry!”

“For Shining Armor!”

“Oooooooooo!!”

This continued for some time.  Guardian continued to deny her infatuation for Shining Armor, but her friends weren’t buying it.  She pointed at the blue pegasus.

“If you don’t stop this, I’m never cooking for you again!”

“Hey, you can’t do that!  I’m just telling it how it is.”

She scooped up a hoof-full of mashed potatoes and chucked them at his head.  “Take it back!”

He ducked out of the way and the Earth pony behind him got a face-full of mush.  A food fight broke out almost immediately.

As they fought the blue pegasus continued to haze Guardian.

“Just admit you like him!”

“No!”

“There’s no point in hiding it Angel, I found the Playmare magazine!”

“No you didn’t shut up!  I threw that away!”

“So you admit to having it?”

“No shuddup!”

The din grew to such an extent that Guardian almost didn’t hear the knocking at the door.  She got up to answer it as her friend chucked some more potatoes at her head.

“Just admit you like him!”  He shouted.

“No!” she reached the front door and pulled it open as she spoke.  “I don’t have a crush on—” As the door swung open, Guardian Angel found herself face-to-face with the last stallion she ever expected to see.

Her pupils dilated to the size of pinpricks, and her breath caught in her chest.  She whispered his name softly to herself.

“Shining Armor…”

Then she swooned.

Guardian Angel awoke to the chilling bite of ice cold water upon her face.  She squealed and bolted upright, knocking Shining Armor right in the snout.

“Oh jeez!” he jerked back, hooves on his face, while the other four female guards helped Guardian to stand.  After a few seconds of disoriented confusion, Angel shook her head clear.

“Wha happuhn,” she blubbered.  Her eyes glazed across the room, taking note of her friends standing around her and those around Captain Shining… Captain Shining Armor!

Immediately Guardian jerked to alertness and thrust a forehoof to her head.

“Sir!  I apologize for my impoliteness sir!”

Shining laughed, waving off her fears with one hoof and holding onto his face with the other.

“No need to apologize, these things happen.  And there’s no need to be so formal Angel.  After all I am a guest in your house.”

She removed her hoof from her head awkwardly.  “Ahaha, y-yeah.”  Her blush burned a bright crimson on her white fur.

The yellow guard sat next to Shining and handed him an ice pack.  Captain Armor graciously applied it to his face before turning back to Guardian.

“You’ll need to excuse my unannounced visit.  I come on Celestia’s command.”

“Oh?  And what does the Princess want?”  She tilted her head in inquiry.

“Well, to be blunt, she wants your services.”

A young mare stepped forward cautiously.  “We already service the Princess.  We’re Royal Guards.”

“Yes I know.  But now that Canterlot Laboratories is gone you and your friends are through with that assignment.”

The mares standing about Angel began murmuring amongst themselves.  A couple of the stallions shared confused looks, and an overall sense of shock settled about the room.  The blue stallion stepped forward and looked Shining in the eye.

“What do you mean we’re ‘through with that assignment’?  Are you saying we’re fired??”

Shining Armor was assaulted at once with the shouts and cries of a dozen guards.  They backed him into the wall, voices overlapping and threats melding into one.

“No wait listen to me!  You aren’t being fired!  You’re being reassigned!”

Guardian shoved her way to the front of the crowd.  “Reassigned to what exactly?”

Shining stood up and cleared his throat before speaking.  “As I’m sure you twelve are all painfully aware, the death of Canterlot Laboratories was anything but an accident.  It was the result of one Dr. Viktor Splice.”

The guard ponies hissed under their breaths.  That was a name they’d come to curse in their sleep once Celestia told them of his existence.  Shining continued his speech.

“As of now, Splice is running amok somewhere in Equestria, quiet as a mouse but deadlier than a Manticore.  And the princesses are having enough trouble as it is keeping news of his presence secret from the rest of the nation.”

“But why keep it secret?”  Guardian asked.  “The princesses ought to be thinking about building up some sort of defensive force shouldn’t they?”

Shining nodded.  “Yes.  But what the citizens don’t know can’t hurt them now can it?  And a defensive force is where you twelve come in.”

He allowed the guards a moment for his words to sink in before continuing.

“Allow me to introduce your new assignment.  Dr. Polymer!  Dr. Lattice!  You can come in now!”

The front door creaked open and two elderly researchers entered the house.  Dr. Polymer entered first.  He was an Earth pony stallion whose light tan fur color heavily contrasted the dark brown of his eyes.  The snowy white mane upon his head had a fluffy texture to it, similar that which made his eyebrows look so thick and bushy.  Random strands of hair stuck out at odd angles on his head, signs of his old age and long nights researching.  His lab coat was as white as his mane, and the cutie mark on his flank was something none of the guards could quite make out.  Guardian thought it looked like a mouth eating some putty or something.  Dr. Polymer walked in with a look of confusion and contempt on his face.  He really didn’t want to be doing this.  Dr. Lattice on the other hoof, appeared as serene as could be.  She was a bright yellow mare with a silver mane and tail.  The wrinkles on her face proved she was just as old as Polymer, but made her look much sweeter, as though hers were the product of old age and wisdom while his had developed after long nights of toiling in the lab.  On her flank sat a picture of a lattice structure – transparent three-dimensional cubes – and on her face sat a rounded pair of spectacles.  These too added to her “motherly wise-woman” appearance, and made her look cute in a strange way.  Her eyes were a dark grey, and she wore a lab coat that was as white as Polymer’s.

The pair stopped and stood before the watchful gaze of a dozen guards.  Polymer rubbed his shoulder awkwardly and glanced about like it was killing him to be there.  Fortunately, he had Lattice with him, and she nudged him gently like a mother duck egging her chicks to cross the street.

Shining Armor turned to Guardian.  “You are to provide for and work with the ex-researchers of Canterlot Laboratories until this Splice issue has been dealt with.  For now, Dr. Polymer and Dr. Lattice are the only two able-bodied enough to be here, but once the others are released from the hospital they are to come here as well.”

Guardian was too dumbstruck to speak, so her blue-toned friend did so for her.

“Whoa whoa woah!  You can’t just expect us to accommodate all of them!  That’s like three times as many ponies than are already here!”

“Actually we can just expect you to.  Not only is this a direct order from Princess Celestia herself, but these barracks are property of the Royal Castle and are only loaned out to you.  As such, you don’t have control over who lives here.”

The blue pegasus looked as though he were about to strike, but Guardian placed a hoof on his shoulder to calm him.  He looked at her, and she shook her head calmly.

“It’s alright,” she said, “we have plenty of room for them.”

“And if you need assistance in caring for them,” Shining added, “Celestia has offered to provide you with a full contingent of housekeepers.”

Guardian shook her head furiously.  “Oh it’s no trouble, I can handle it.”  She beamed brightly.  “If I can handle these knuckleheads, I can handle anything.”

“Well I’m glad to hear we’ll be taken care of,” Polymer interrupted, “I was worried I wouldn’t have someone to change my diaper.”

Lattice scowled and shoved him lightly.  “Polymer, be nice.”  She looked to Guardian.  “I’m sorry, he’s still a bit sore from the hospital.  He just got discharged today.”

“Oh it’s no trouble,” Guardian fluttered over to Polymer and held out a hoof.  “I’m Guardian Angel, nice to formally meet you!  I mean I know we’ve technically been co-workers for years now, but we’ve never really had a chance to interact now have we?”

Polymer looked at her hoof as though he feared it would erupt.  Once he was sure it wouldn’t, he took a deep breath and clutched it warily.  He did his best to be polite.  “I’m Doctor Polymerase, but most ponies call me Polymer for short.”  He winced under Lattice’s disapproving eye.  “And I’m sorry for being rude,” he said.  Lattice nodded.

“Oh it’s no problem, I know it sucks being in the hospital.  I just got out last week.”

Polymer watched this mare incredulously as she practically bounded with energy in front of him.  “How do you do it?” he asked.

She blinked.  “Do what?”

“Be so happy!  I mean, do you even know what our job is?”

“Not exactly, I was actually gonna ask about that.  Shining?”

Shining jumped.  “What?  Oh, that.  Um, how about I just read the official statement, yeah?”  He pulled a small scroll from his chest plate and began reading.  “Her Royal Highness, Mistress of the Sun, and Ruler of Equestria Princess Celestia hereby decrees that the ex-employees of Canterlot Laboratories, both guards and researchers alike, be reassigned to the location and elimination of one Dr. Viktor Splice.  Furthermore, it has been deemed necessary that these individuals begin development of new defensive mechanisms to protect both Canterlot and the Princess herself from Viktor’s inevitable future attacks.  Therefore, not only shall the ex-researchers of Canterlot Laboratories be allowed to room in the barracks, but they must also be given the right to reassemble a suitable laboratory in the basement.  This shall be kept secret from the public until effective defensive systems have been developed, at which point the Princesses will provide further instructions.  As for the guards, they are to handle covert operations as they are given them, no questions asked.  Signed, Princess Celestia.”

Once he finished reading Dr. Polymer spoke once more.  Fear and anger riddled his shaky voice.

“Do you hear this?  We’ve become pawns in this little game of theirs.  Viktor wants to kill the Princess for whatever reason, and because we were unlucky enough to get in his way, we have to be the ones to fight him!  It’s suicide!”  His voice had risen to shouting by the time he finished.  Lattice placed a hoof on his shoulder, which he took in his own as he struggled to control his breathing.

Guardian stared at him blankly.  Her fellow guards searched her face for any hint of emotion, any inclination as to how they ought to be responding to the situation.  After a few tense moments she broke out into a grin.

She shrugged.  “So we gotta do a few secret missions without asking any questions.  Sounds cool to me!  We’re like spies or something!”

Her friends started chattering amongst themselves.  Hell the decree sounded much less dreary once it was worded like that.  Being spies was much cooler than being sent to certain death.  Polymer opened his mouth to retort, but Guardian rushed to his side and placed a hoof to his mouth.  She whispered into his ear.

“I know what you’re gonna say.  You’re going to tell me to stop acting so childlike and to actually start worrying about what’s going to happen to us once we actually come face-to-face with this Viktor guy.  But I’ve got a group to think about here.  Look at them.”

She gestured to her friends, who were now lifting a young mare into the air as she struck a number of exaggerated poses.  It was an odd sight, watching a group get so enthusiastic over something as little as being called “spies”.  Angel whispered into his ear again.

“They need me to be optimistic, otherwise they’d be scared and lost.  It’s my duty to protect them.  They’re my family.”

Polymer looked at her.  He was in awe.

“But, but, that’s lying to them!  You’re lying to them!”

She shook her head.  “They heard the decree too you know.  If I was gonna lie to them they’d know it.  I’m just directing their attention to the more positive side of things.  I keep them going.”

Polymer watched as she flew into her group of friends.  They lifted her in the air and laughed as she did her best impression of a king waving to his lowly subjects.  Dr. Lattice sat down next to him and nuzzled his neck.

“It’ll be okay Polymer,” she cooed, “they seem like a nice bunch of ponies.  We’re just here until this issue is dealt with.  Then we can focus on getting back to a semblance of normalcy.”

Polymer watched the guards’ cheerleading act for a few more seconds before sighing.  He leaned his head against Lattice’s.

“You’re right.  It’ll be fine.  It’ll all be fine…”

Shining Armor silently let himself out the door.

10 - Wherein Happy Meadow Dreams Arise

Jean had to drag himself to school the next day, fighting his fatigue from staying up late the previous night to hunt phoenixes.  When he awoke, he found Viktor slumped over a lab table, notes sprawled about his head and the magical containment unit whirring softly nearby.  A constant stream of drool oozed out of the unicorn’s mouth.

Sarah lay at the bottom of the steps, her breath coming out in quiet drawn-out measures.  She only growled once or twice, but it was enough to usher Jean out the door without a second look.

The dirt path leading toward Ponyville was half covered with root systems and leaf litter, and Jean Splice nearly lost himself among the trees more than once.  He could hear the school bells ringing long before the town came into view.

Oh great, I’m going to be late on my first day!  An apple held in his mouth disappeared with an audible gulp, and Jean began swiftly sprinting into town.

The schoolhouse rested at the edge of town atop a large knoll.  Its presence appeared both strangely intimidating and inviting – a large wooden obelisk that kept silent watch over Ponyville and its young ones.  It was an interesting paradox that Jean promised to consider at a later time.  Preferably when he wasn’t struggling to make it to class.

Once he finally reached the school grounds, Jean was crestfallen to find it was empty.

And now I have to walk in late on my very first day…  Thanks a lot Viktor.

He walked up to the classroom door and stood there nervously.  Inside, Cheerilee could be heard chattering in her usual manner, and occasionally a young voice responded with a mumbling “here”.  At least they were still doing roll-call.  Jean took a deep breath, steeled himself for the inevitable embarrassment, and pushed the door open slowly.

All at once the young colt felt over twenty pairs of eyes fall squarely on him.

Cheerilee tilted her head in confusion that the entire class had suddenly looked elsewhere.  She followed their gaze to the door and blinked in surprise upon finding Jean standing there awkwardly.  Her face lit up.

“Oh good morning Jean!  I’m so glad you decided to come after all.  I would have had to have another chat with your father if you didn’t.”

“Yeah haha,” Jean chuckled nervously, “to be honest I’m kind of shocked I came today too.”

“Well that’s no matter, you’re here now.  Why don’t you come to the front of the class and introduce yourself?”  As she said this Cheerilee trotted behind her desk and sat in her chair.  She patted the front of her desk with a forehoof, beckoning Jean to step forward into the limelight.

He could feel the judgment piercing into his skin from all those watching him.  It forced him to look at the ground and shuffle his hooves uneasily while he spoke.

“Um, I’m Jean Splice…” his voice was barely more than a whisper.

“Would you please speak up dear?  I’m afraid your classmates can’t hear you.”

A few snickers from the back of the class caught Jean’s attention, and he tentatively looked up to see a bright pink filly mocking his shyness.  She wore a tiara upon her head that reflected her highly pompous personality, and she watched him with a look of sadistic amusement as he wilted under the eyes of the students.

This was not going well.

Somebody in the back of the classroom cleared their throat loudly, trying to catch Jean’s attention, and his ears perked up when he recognized who it was.  Sitting just to the side of the rude pink pony was none other than the Cutie Mark Crusaders.  All three of them beamed at Jean once he noticed them, and Sweetie Belle made a rolling motion with her hooves, encouraging Jean to speak up.  His spirit lifted instantly and he found the courage necessary to speak up.  Thank goodness he had friends here.

“My name is Jean Splice,” he spoke with confidence, “my father and I just moved into Ponyville recently, so I'm still relatively new to everything here.  I look forward to making friends with every one of you.”  He finished with a slight bow and winked at the CMC, all of whom nodded their approval.

“Thank you Jean.  Does anybody have any questions for our new student?  Remember, we want him to feel welcome in town, so—”

She was cut off by a snort from the pink filly.

“Where exactly do you live Jean?  I don’t think I’ve seen any houses for sale in Ponyville recently.”

“Oh, well that’s because I don’t actually live in Ponyville.  My family and I live in the Everfree Forest.”

The whole classroom gasped in unison, throwing Jean off guard.  Amidst the chattering that had erupted the pink pony spoke up once more.

“The Everfree Forest??  Only monsters live there!  Why are you even in school if you live there?”

“Well now that’s not very nice.  I don—”

“Do you have to eat wild plants?”  Another student asked.  Jean was interrupted again before he could respond.

“Do you live with a pack of Timberwolves?”

“Are you here to feed on us??”

“Class!  That is enough!”  Cheerilee attempted to obtain order.  “Diamond Tiara,” she spoke to the tiara pony, “that is not a nice thing to say.  Apologize!”

Tiara looked fairly smug with herself.  “Why should I?  He’s from the Everfree.  He’s a wild creature.”

Cheerilee was just about to blow a gasket before Jean stopped her.

He looked back to Diamond Tiara to find that the Cutie Mark Crusaders were prepped to pounce on her if she dared speak once more.  Jean got their attention and shook his head.  Then he spoke to the class.

“I’m not some sort of savage.  I don’t live in the Everfree because I’m a monster or I eat flesh or anything like that.  I live in the Everfree because my father wanted to.  My father is… eccentric.  He’s a scientist, and he likes to do his work away from other ponies.”

A small murmur of excitement settled about the class.  Ponyville didn’t have many scientists other than Twilight Sparkle, and she didn’t do for a full time profession.  A young filly in the front raised her hoof shyly, and Jean nodded in her direction.

“Yes?”

“Does your daddy have a lab?”  she asked shyly.

Jean smiled.  “Yes he does actually.  He has a two-story lab filled to the brim with awesome equipment!”

Once he said this the class began throwing questions his way fervently.  What kind of scientist was he?  Did he make medicines?  Rocket ships?  Was he looking for a way to send ponies into space so that they could see the beauty of the cosmos for themselves?

Jean felt conflicted.  Though elated that the class now welcomed him, he had to lie through his teeth.  Surely you can’t just tell a group of kids that your father spends his time extracting toxins from plants and murdering Phoenixes to study the afterlife?  Instead Jean painted a picture of Viktor as the forefather of science, a pony who sought to aid others rather than harm.  One whose work would receive praise and song throughout history, and whose contribution to Equestrian life could be worthy of rewards beyond one’s comprehension.  Deep down Jean wished it to all be true.  But this was Viktor he was talking about.  Sentiment didn’t mean much to that stallion.

The rest of the day went swimmingly.  After Diamond Tiara had her mouth shut by popular opinion, Jean found a seat next to Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom and went about a normal school day.  Though he knew everything Cheerilee taught, he found the content enjoyable enough to sit through.  Cheerilee presented in a way that directly reflected her name, keeping her students interested and involved so that even the laziest didn’t have an excuse for not understanding.  Jean engaged, laughed, worked, and learned to see the world he already knew in different lights.

When the bell indicating the start of recess rang, Jean found himself dragged to the courtyard by the CMC.

“So how’s school so far Jean?”  Sweetie asked sweetly.

He put on a face of bemused indifference, shrugging his shoulders exaggeratedly as he bobbed his head about.  “What can I say?  It’s nothing I don’t already know.”

Scootaloo socked him lightly on the shoulder.  “Oh quit being such a nerd.”

He laughed.  “Nah it’s cool so far.  I think I’m in love with Ms. Cheerilee.”

Applebloom stuck her tongue out.  “Ew Jean that’s our teacher!”

“What?  No!  I meant like, I love her teaching style an—”

“Liar!”  Scootaloo interrupted.  “You love her!”

“No I do—”

“Jean loves Cheerilee!  Jean loves Cheerilee!”  The three of them danced around Jean and merrily chanted for the world to hear.  He pulled his hat down as far as it could go on his head and looked down embarrassedly.  Truth be told, Jean Splice was exceptionally happy to be with his friends once again.  The previous night had been rough on the young colt.  This sort of playful taunting was calming after what he’d been through.

Unfortunately, what’s-her-face decided she hadn’t chewed up the new guy enough and decided to break up their fun.  She strode up to them confidently, tiara upon her head and silver friend trailing behind, and one by one the CMC noticed her arrival.  They each stopped dancing and instead bore expressions of pure hatred upon their faces.

“Well well well,” Diamond Tiara spat, “what have we here?  Another blank flank loser to join the Stupid Mark Crusaders?”

“Ha, good one Tiara!”  her friend chirped.

Jean noticed Sweetie Belle backing up fearfully.  She was a sensitive filly as is, and apparently this Diamond Tiara hit every tender nerve possible.  Scootaloo stepped forward, placing herself betwixt her friends and the enemy.

“You take that back,” she drawled out deliberately.  Tiara just snorted and jerked her chin up high.

“Why should I?  Now your loser group of three is a group of four.  I have to be worried about the expansion of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“But he has his cutie mark,” Applebloom interjected.  “So he isn’t even a Cutie Mark Crusader.”

“Oh?”  Tiara leaned around Scootaloo to get a look at Jean’s cutie mark.  “Princess Celestia?  That’s a…” she looked to her friend and smirked mockingly, “unique mark?”  They both chortled vehemently.

“Why don’t you leave him alone Tiara?”  Scootaloo shook with anger as she spoke.  “It’s only his first day here.”

“Well he’s getting with the wrong crowd.  Hey, kid,” Tiara called to Jean.  “Why don’t you hang out with us?  We’ll show you what it’s like to actually have friends.”

“You can’t take our friend from us!”  Sweetie Belle’s voice cracked.  Diamond Tiara and her friend just laughed at her.

“He’s much better off with us.  Come on boy, we’ll show you the ropes of being a somebody.”

Jean watched in a state of stupor as his friends and these bullies shot snarky comments back and forth at one another.  It scared him.  It angered him.  It confused him.  He looked into Diamond Tiara’s face and only saw hatred.  He saw Viktor.  His “dad”, the epitome of all that was wrong with the world, was right.  The world wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops, and Jean needed to do something now to protect those he cared about.

He thought for a moment, and then got an idea.  It was something Viktor told him back when Jean was first created, when Viktor believed he and Jean would destroy the world together as creator and created.  During the tour of the lab Viktor dispensed years of advice gained from personal experience – that which he hadn’t already downloaded into Jean’s mind – to the young colt.  Amongst this information was one piece that seemed to stick out above the others:  The mind is a powerful thing.  If you can break it, you have control over your enemies…

Jean knew what he had to do.

He stepped forward, silencing Scootaloo with a stern gaze, and stood muzzle to muzzle with Tiara.  She leaned back cautiously, taken aback by this sudden turn of events.  Then, without warning, Jean leaped up onto his two hind legs and began swaying up and down in a frantic display of interpretive dance.  His eyes crossed and he muttered incoherent phrases as he waved his forearms dramatically.  He walked forward on hind legs, swaying left and right as he approached Tiara.  Needless to say, it confused the crap out of her.

“What are you—?  What are you doing?!”  She screeched.  But Jean continued his psychedelic dancing.  He increased in speed and pitch until Tiara and her friend were scrambling backwards frantically.  They fell over each other in a pile of pony as Jean danced.  They jumped to their hooves and scurried away, screaming for their lives as they did so.

Jean sat back on his haunches and let out a sigh of relief.  He had successfully deterred the aggressors.

A small pushing force against his side brought Jean to alertness.  He looked to see Applebloom staring at him looking utterly dumbfounded.

“Just what in the hay was that Jean?”

Sweetie Belle sat down on his other side.  “Yeah, you danced Tiara away!  I’ve never thought of doing that before!”

“Haha that?  Well that was something my dad taught me.  Confusing one’s enemies is always a much easier tactic than outright confrontation.”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at each other, shocked, before busting out into a fit of laughter.  Jean joined them in their mirthfulness, and the four friends spent the rest of the afternoon playing together in merriment.

Jean sat with Scootaloo – the two of them had been paired up for the day’s assignment – and was just finishing up the last bit of writing while she tried her best not to doze off.  The bells rang, signaling the end of the day, and most of the students were leaping out of their seats before Cheerilee got a chance to speak.

“I want everybody to place their assignments on my desk before you go.  Be safe, I’ll see you all tomorrow!”

Once outside, Jean sat under a tree with Applebloom and Sweetie Belle as they waited for their sisters to pick them up.  Scootaloo tossed her helmet upon her head and sped off with a wave of her hoof as soon as class got out.  She was dead tired.

The three of them were talking about nothing in particular when Applejack and Rarity came strolling up to grab their little sisters.  No more than a month ago the older mares wouldn’t have minded if the little fillies ran off to do their thing after school, but since the mass-heist of Sweet Apple Acres the whole town had become more than a bit paranoid about such a thing.

They strode up to the young fillies with a measured gait, their voices becoming louder as they approached.

“Well Rarity I gotta hand it to you.  You certainly do pull yer own when it comes to dress-making.”

“Oh Applejack I already told you, it’s nothing!  It’ll be an absolute delight to make your dresses for the gala.”

“Yeah I know you say that, but five dresses for five picky mares?”  She clicked her tongue.  “That’s a load-and-a-half of work that is.”

“Trust me my dear, everything is under control.  I admit it’s difficult to balance my work and social life however, especially now that I must pick up Sweetie from school.”

As she said this the one called “Rarity” leaned down and nuzzled her sister lovingly.

“And here she is now!  How was school Sweetie?”

“Fun as usual,” the young filly piped up cheerfully.

Applejack pulled her younger sister close with one arm and tussled her mane with the other.

“And how bout you ya little rascal?  Learn somethin’ useful?”

“Applejack, cut it out!”  Applebloom giggled as she pawed at her sister playfully.

Jean felt a bit humbled to be witnessing what he considered to be personal moments between family members.  Applejack noticed his gaze and smiled warmly.

“Well hey there partner, and who might you be?”

Jean attempted to introduce himself once again but was cut off by the energetic fillies he called friends.  They passionately retold the tale of the day they first met, spastically jumping from pies to flowers to crashing into hat stands.  They left out not a detail, even going so far as to praise the young colt for saving them from their constant bully.  That last detail left Applejack and Rarity grinning from ear to ear, and Jean found himself locked in a playful headlock from the eldest Apple sister.

All in all, things were going great until the subject of his recent arrival into Ponyville came up.  It happened so casually and so suddenly that Jean barely had any time at all to react before the older mares were glaring vehemently at him

“Your family just moved in last month eh?”  Applejack inquired suspiciously.

“You know Applejack, that’s just about the time that you-know-what occurred.”  Rarity added slowly.

Applejack nodded in the affirmative.  “Right you are Rarity.  Say Jean, where does your family live?  I don’t recall any plots of land going up for sale in town recently.”

He knew where this conversation was going long before it got there.  Attempting to lie would only infuriate them more, but he still had to try and muddle the truth as much as he could.

“Oh, you know, just at the edge of town.”

“Where on the edge of town?  Our friend Fluttershy lives at the edge of town.  Our farm is located at the edge of town.  Ain’t nobody seen anypony come to town in the last month.”

“Umm… the Everfree Forest?”

That did it.  Applejack released her hold on Applebloom and stepped between Jean and her sister.  Rarity used her magic to pull Sweetie Belle into a safer position behind herself.  Intensity filled their every word as they glowered at him threateningly.

“Nothing against you Jean, but we don’t take too kindly to strangers from the Everfree Forest.”

“That’s correct my dear.  Tell us, what does your family do for a living?”

Jean couldn’t take anymore.  Things would only get worse if these mares were allowed to continue their line of interrogation.  Instead, he held a hoof to his ear and changed his disposition to one of surprise.

“Wait, what’s that?  I-I think I hear my dad calling me!  Yeah, I definitely hear him calling me.  He gets reaaal mad if I make him walk all the way into town, so I’d better get a move on.”

His nervous grin was only met with judgmental stares.

“Right then… Uh, Applebloom, Sweetie, guess I’ll see you guys later.  Peace!”

And with that, Jean bolted away from the schoolyard and towards the safety of the dangerous forest.

Applebloom looked up towards her sister.  “Applejack, what in the hay was that about!”

“Applebloom you watch your tongue.”

Sweetie Belle poked her head from behind Rarity and joined in.  “Why were guys being so rude to our friend!”

“Sweetie this is something you’re far too young to understand.”

Rarity turned to AJ.  “We’re going after him right?”

“Just as soon as we tell Twilight and the others.  I hear she got a response from her brother that may just be what we need.”

“Agreed.  Let’s make haste then.”

Later That Evening

Viktor walked along an endless abyss.  Darkness enveloped all – blackness stretched beyond to the horizon and back.  Distinguishing up from down and left from right ought to have been an impossibility, but amazingly enough Viktor felt rightly oriented.  Though he couldn’t see it he felt the ground beneath his hooves and the wind tugging slightly at his mane.  It was as though his eyes were closed and all he needed to do was work up the courage to open them and see the world for what it was.  But his eyes were open, and as he looked down all he could see was his body standing amidst the endless abyss.  Splice continued to walk, looking for… something.  He couldn’t say what, but he knew he was looking for something.

The darkness enveloped him, hugged him, loved him.  It beckoned him to stay forever, to lie down, to sleep.  But Viktor kept walking.  There was something, anything, that he knew he ought to be looking for.  Hours passed.  Or maybe it was mere seconds?  Time stood still, ran backward, did leaps and flips over his head, but still Viktor pressed onward.  His hooves drove him forward into the nothingness in search of the hidden something.

Eventually, a faint light shimmered in the distance.  It was small, like somebody had turned on a stage light in an empty theatre.  A splash of blue seemed to bob up and down, up and down, a rhythmic motion that spoke volumes to Splice.  He began to sprint, sure that this is what he was here searching for.  As he approached the mass took shape and became more clearly defined.  A splash of blue, no, now a small blue filly, jumping up and down in a rhythmic pattern.  She pushed off from the ground slower than was physically possible, and seemed to come down almost regretfully.  The weight of gravity had no effect on her, and the passage of time didn’t as well.  A jump rope swung about her as she jumped – what was turning the rope Viktor couldn’t say, for he was immediately drawn in to this young filly’s face.  She stared at him with bright, dull gray eyes that peered into him and through him.  They appeared indifferent, disinterested, and curious all the same.  Her mouth remained clamped shut as she bounded up and down, and as Viktor watched he suddenly became aware of a strong force pulling him back.

Somebody had opened up the vacuum of the abyss a good distance behind him, and as the space depressurized Viktor was yanked back the way he had come.  The little filly was thoroughly unaffected by the shift in pressure and continued to jump, staring at Splice without looking at him.  His forehooves reached forward even as he flew backward.  Tears streamed from his eyes and he screamed forth as she faded into the distance.

“I’m sorry!  Please forgive me, my little Drillbit!”

Viktor woke with a start.

He shook his head clear and rubbed a hoof over his eyes.  “Goddamnit, I really need to stop eating before I sleep.  It’s fucking up my dreams…”

Various technical tools and charts lay scattered about the desk before him.  To his right sat the magical containment unit, still whirring with life as it held back the magic of the Phoenix within.  Viktor tapped its casing twice just to be sure.

Thin rays of light shone through the barred windows of his lab, shrouding everything in the surreal orange glow of the setting sun.

“Jeez I slept all day didn’t I…?”  Viktor spun around, once, twice, scanning the room for any signs of life.  He scratched his head in confusion.  “Where is everybody?”

He strode downstairs quickly and nearly tripped over the sleeping mare at the bottom of the steps.

“Oh.  Hey Sarah.  Sleep alright?”

A low rumbling emanated from before Viktor, causing him to jolt back in surprise.  Sarah flipped around, keeping her eyes shut tight, to reveal rows upon rows of jagged, oozing, black fangs.  They quivered slightly, then morphed back into the shape of her soft muzzle once she stopped yawning.  She raised her hindquarters into the air and arched her back like a cat.  Shadowy claws shot from her forehooves for a split second as she stretched and then retracted as quickly as they’d come.

Viktor was as horrified as he was intrigued.

A soft feeling at the tip of his muzzle snapped him from his reverie.  Sarah was looking at him slyly, and her outstretched wing graced the tip of his maw.

“Morning Doctor.”  She purred.

He grinned deviously.  “Well morning Sarah.  You seem quite chipper today.”

“Mmm it feels soo good to not have to sleep out in the forest for once.  Bramble really gets deep into one’s fur.”

“I can only imagine.  Now then, how about some breakfast?”

She followed him as he trotted down into the cellar.

“What’s on the menu Doctor?”

“Oh just some fresh apples.  That’s really all we have around here.”

Her grunt of dissatisfaction did not go unnoticed.

“Not to you liking?”  He asked her.

“Oh well, not entirely.  I can survive off produce as ponies do, but only for a short time.  My species really thrives—”

“On the lives of others.  Yes I’m well aware.”  Viktor put a hoof to his chin in thought.  As he did so, he noticed Sarah’s eyes for the first time since they awoke.  They appeared to be a much duller shade of pink then when they first met.

“Hey Sarah, your eyes…”

“Dull yes?”  She chuckled softly.  “It’s a sign that I need to feed.  When the shimmer of a succubus’ eye is bright, the succubus is full of vitality.  If it dulls, I need to go hunting ASAP.”

“Well then,” Viktor grinned, “How about we go hunting?”

“You?  Hunt?  Viktor, I’m an experienced assassin.  You’d only get in my way.”

“You give me too little credit!  Didn’t you say the same thing about my knowledge in Shadow Magic?”

Sarah was at a loss for words.  “That is true…”

“Come on, I can hunt!  I’m an experienced adventurer-slash-pugilist!”  Viktor jumped to his hind legs and held his forehooves before him defensively.  He threw a few weak jabs in Sarah’s general direction, eliciting a giggle from the tall mare.

“Alright alright, you’ve made your point.  Let’s see what you can do then.”

He sat back and hoof-pumped.  “Yes!  Let’s go hunting!  Raceyoutothedoorgo!”

Sarah blanked as Splice shot past her.  It took her a second to realize what he’d just said, but by then he was already halfway up the stairs.

“Hey no fair!”  She took flight after him.

Just before Viktor reached the door, Sarah tackled him.  The two of them rolled and crashed into the door in a jumble of body parts, laughing merrily all the way.

The door flung outward as they hit it, and standing there looking sorely confused was Jean Splice.

“Viktor!  What are you doing??”  He exclaimed.

Viktor quickly jumped to his hooves and dusted himself off.  “Well that’s none of your damn business now is it?  What are you doing here, why aren’t you at school?”

Jean blinked.  “School is over for the day.”

“Is it?  Well now that’s just a damn shame.  Move outta the way, Sarah and I have hunting to get to.”

Viktor tried to sidestep around Jean, but the young colt jumped into his way and stood with his forearms outstretched.

“Viktor there’s something you need to hear.  We’ve been found out.”

Splice looked at his clone like he’d just said the moon was made of cheese.  “What the hell are you talking about, we’ve been found out?”

Off in the distance a chorus of murmurs could suddenly be heard rising in volume, and an orange glow rose in the early nighttime air beyond the tree-line.  It was a mob no doubt.

He pushed his forehoof into the back of Jean’s head and shoved the young colt’s face into the floor.

“Damn it Drog, you led them here?!  You should’ve just let them eat you alive!”

Sarah came to stand beside Viktor as he shoved Jean’s face further into the dirt.  She spoke quickly.  “Viktor what do we do?  If they’re residents of the town, they’re probably here for me.  They probably know what I am!”

“Now hold on, the chances of that are very unlikely.  Like you said, Shadow Beings are nothing but legend now, and a duly noted legend at that.  In my time here I haven’t read anything about your species.  Just keep calm and follow my lead…”

Sarah eyed the edge of the woods and glanced at Viktor worriedly.  She noticed his lips curled into a slight snarl and bumped him on the side.

“Viktor!  Your teeth!”

“What?  Oh, you’re right!”  Viktor’s horn lit up frantically, and his horn shone with the macabre violet glow of Shadow Magic.  Darkness enveloped his mouth and dissipated almost immediately, leaving behind the appearance of clean-cut pearly whites rather than sharp and crooked daggers.

Meanwhile, the murmur in the trees had risen to a deep grumbling, and soon the nearby leaves shuffled.  A number of ponies emerged from the trees, each carrying one of a variety of cliché mob items.  Pitchforks, torches, brooms, Viktor even noted a pony carrying a billiards cue.  And none of them looked very happy.

Standing at the forefront of the line were six colorful mares: pink, cyan, white, yellow, purple, and orange.  The last two stood out most predominantly, leading the group into the forest and standing before him with a measure of defiance.  The orange mare bore a Stetson cap and glared at Viktor with malicious intent while her purple counterpart stood beside her calmly.  The purple mare was a unicorn, and before her floated a small tome whose title Viktor couldn’t see.

Ponyville’s entire population now stood at Viktor’s front porch.

The charcoal unicorn in question scanned the crowd before him quite thoroughly and chose his next words very carefully.

“The fuck y’all lookin’ at?”

If any of the town’s residents were taken aback by his statement, none of them showed it.  Instead, the orange mare took another step forward and began to speak.

“Now mister, I don’t rightly know who you and yer kin are, nor do I know why you chose the Everfree as your home.  But strange things have happened in Ponyville recently, things that would appear to align perfectly with about the time you decided to show up.  Tell me, who are you?  And what are you doing here?”

Viktor chewed his cheek in contemplation as the purple mare stepped forward to attempt to calm her orange friend.

“Please Applejack, allow me.  Mister…” she addressed Splice openly, expecting him to fill in the blank.

“Uhh…”  Viktor stalled.  His eyes darted left and right.  He needed to pick something nonthreatening.  Something… completely not him.  A term he’d never use in a million years to describe his current state of mind.  Viktor blurted the first thing that came to mind.  “Happy.  My name is Happy.”  Wow.  He scoffed internally.

They stared at him curiously, prompting him to continue.  “Uhhh… Happy… Meadow Dreams.  Yeah, Mister Happy Meadow Dreams.”  He smiled awkwardly as he imagined punching himself in the face.

Everybody in the clearing stared at Viktor blankly.  Sarah did her best to stifle a chuckle while Jean sat there, mouth agape.

“Seriously?”  The young colt uttered.

Viktor back-hoofed Jean and smiled wider.  The others raised their eyebrows at this but said nothing.

Clearing her throat, the purple unicorn continued.  “Yes, well, Mister Dreams, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and this here,” she beckoned to her orange partner, “is Applejack.  We apologize for arriving on your property so abruptly, but your appearance is indeed a most interesting coincidence.  Tell us, what exactly are you doing out here, living in the middle of a forest?”

Viktor blinked once or twice, thinking about an answer.  If he didn’t play this just right, he could kiss his plans goodbye.  A moment or two passed before a wicked smile curled his lips.  He looked behind him to Sarah, as though to say follow my lead.

Turning back to the crowd, he stepped forward and grinned widely.

“My fellow ponies, I assure you, I am only living here in the name of research.”  A small bit of chattering followed this statement, which Splice used as time to turn his side to the crowd.  “If you’ll look here, you’ll notice my cutie mark.  For the uneducated among you, this,” he tapped his side with a hoof, “is a steroid molecule.  And not just any steroid molecule.”

“It’s cholesterol.”  Twilight finished.  “The base for most steroids.”

Viktor smiled.  “Exactly!  And based on this, can any of you guess what my special talent might be?”

Silence gripped the crowd for a few seconds.

A small voice sounded from the back somewhere.  “Science?”

“Exactly!  Science!  I am a colt who loves to question the world around him, as you all are doing right now.  As such, it should come as no surprise that I would choose to live in the Everfree.  I’ve no doubt you all find it to be a curious place yes?”

A few ponies nodded among the crowd, and the overall number of weapons lifted into the air lowered slightly.  Viktor continued.

“Well, all my life I’ve found this place to be particularly interesting.  I mean, a land where weather controls itself?  Where animals run free of their own accord?  Such a thing is unheard of in all of Equestria!  Doesn’t it upset you even in the slightest to know that there are potentially very dark unknowns lurking in a forest so very near to your homes?”

Sounds of approval rose from the crowd.

“To a mind such as my own, this is the find of the century!  If I can research the Everfree, if I can find that inner core that makes it tick, well there’s no telling what we could do with the knowledge!”

By now Viktor had swayed the crowd in his favor.  No pitchforks remained lifted into the air, and the tension from moments before had all but disappeared.  But Applejack wasn’t convinced, she was still shaking with anger.

“Now that don’t mean jack-spit to me!”  She shouted.  Her friends attempted to stop her from making any rash decisions, but she pushed them aside and thrust a hoof in Splice’s direction.

“Just be straight with me!  Did you or did you not steal from mah farm??”

Splice watched this mare as she huffed and raged, and he felt a smirk tug at the edge of his lips.  He had her right where he wanted her.

“Steal from your farm?  Heavens no.  Why would I need to steal when I have my own private funding for this research?  No no I haven’t even entered the nearby town as of yet.  However, not too long ago I did notice a certain individual trekking about these woods with a cartful of apples, if that helps any.”

Twilight ripped her attention from Applejack and turned to Splice in shock.  “What?   You saw the culprit?”

“Well, I suppose I did.”

“Well where is he?  Er, her?  Er.”

“He,” Viktor corrected.  “And don’t worry, he’s still trekking about these woods.  If those apples were stolen, I figure he’s waiting for the heat to die down.”

“Mr. Dreams, could you take us to him?”

“Well certainly, let me just grab my coat, yes?”

Viktor flipped around and shoved Jean and Sarah into the house.  He shut the door behind them and began to whisper covertly.

“Alright listen up, I have a plan, but it’s going to take a bit of Shadow Magic.  What do you say Sarah?”

She nodded.  “Tell me what you need me to do.”

A few seconds later the door to his lab opened once again.  Viktor cantered out with Jean at his side.

“Wouldn’t you know it, couldn’t find the damn thing!  Oh well, it’s not that cold anyhow.  My research assistant seems to be feeling a bit under the weather, so I hope you won’t mind if she stays behind to rest up a little.”

“Not at all,” Twilight responded.

“Very well.  Now then, shall we be off?”

And with that, Viktor led the group off into the depths of the Everfree Forest.

Meanwhile, Sarah exited out the rooftop door and flew quickly overhead.  She had to be in position before Viktor arrived.

1 - Wherein Viktor Splice Returns

Night had fallen over Ponyville, the kind of night that blankets every living organism in an aura of contentment.  Fireflies flickered in and out of existence in the motionless air, mimicking the many sleep-deprived citizens who wanted nothing more than a nice long rest after experiencing such hardship.  Nightmare Moon’s return after one thousand years of confinement had spread panic and misery across Equestria, but hope had been restored due to six young mares discovering the magic of friendship.  Now the world was at peace as even they lay down to rest.  The cool nighttime air blowing through the Everfree Forest proved soothing enough to calm even its most violent creatures, but “calming” was the last word Viktor Splice would use to describe this night.  To him, this night was the accumulation of many years of difficult work and continual sacrifice.  His future here and the future of Equestria itself depended on one thing: Viktor’s ability to locate a tract of land suitable for development.

As the middle-aged unicorn stumbled through the forest, carrying nothing more than the beret on his head, the dark-rimmed glasses on his face, and the scroll he had stolen from the Star Swirl the Bearded Wing of the Canterlot Archives, he couldn’t help but let a sense of giddiness wash throughout his body.  It felt wonderful to be walking again.  The years spent in isolation hadn’t been noticeable to his conscious mind, but it did do a number on his already aching muscles.  Allowing his legs to move into a trot, Viktor gained instant gratification from the feeling of blood pumping throughout his veins.  Sweat began to dampen his charcoal colored coat, and the various twigs and branches of the forest became matted in the alternating dark-blue and silver of his tail.  Nevertheless, Viktor kept his eyes focused on the non-existent trail ahead, the deep violet hue of his irises reflecting his steely conviction.  Normally his paranoia would have gotten the better of him by now and his eyes would be shifting left and right to make sure nobody could recognize his cutie mark.  But, seeing as how anybody who once knew of him was long dead, Viktor Splice could flaunt the mark of his trade without a care in the world.  And that image of a cholesterol molecule look good in the moonlight.  Only after several minutes of running did his paranoia get the better of him.  Viktor knew the sight of an unknown pony wandering the forest would startle any onlookers the next day, and his dark-blue hooves beat faster through the forest in hopes of finding recluse before sunrise.

Once I find a suitable area to construct my lab upon, Viktor thought to himself, I’m going to need equipment.  Metallurgy should be easy enough: I’m certain the mines near Canterlot haven’t been sucked dry just yet… His face scrunched up in consideration.  How long had he been in that cave?  It felt like mere seconds, but he knew it could have been weeks or even years.  That also meant there was a possibility his advancements in the scientific field were long outdated, despite being far ahead of their time.  This would require research at a later date.  What he needed right now was shelter.  Research aside, I really need something to eat and somewhere to stay.

Viktor’s hooves skidded to a stop and he took in his surroundings.  Though still deep within the confines of the forest, a large cliff rose into the air on his right.  Mountains were known to be scattered throughout the Everfree, and many of them contained dragons or other equally frightening beasts.  However, the charcoal pony was certain any creature that had the misfortune to come across him would more than likely turn tail and run away.  As his eyes skated across the surface of the mountainside next to him, Viktor became acutely aware of a small knoll just up ahead.  Stepping closer, he realized this was exactly what he had been searching for:  deep within the forest, hidden by the cliff on one side and surrounded by trees on all others, the raised clearing seemed too perfect a foundation for his lab to be a natural formation.  Splice clambered up the side of the cliff a bit to get a good view beyond the trees that stood sentinel to this oasis.  In the distance – though not too distant – lay the small town of Ponyville.  Though Viktor had no way of knowing the village’s name, he knew its presence meant civilization could be found.  And civilization meant one thing: supplies.

Viktor leapt off the cliff and tossed the parchment he had been carrying in his mouth besides the clearing.  He stood back, closed his eyes, and allowed his breathing to steady into a slow rhythm as a dark purple glow began forming over his horn.  Reaching out with his mind, the unicorn felt the features of the surrounding landscape and studied them with a level of precision that only a scientific mind such as his own could.  He observed every crack and crevice in the nearby stone wall, he listened to the pulses of life emanating from deep within the ground and all around him in the forest, and he understood the very layout of the land beneath his hooves so as to make his next move flawless.  Taking one final breath, the scientist allowed a tidal wave of energy to burst forth from his horn, and almost immediately the landscape nearby began to shift.  Large chunks of stone peeled themselves off the cliff-side and levitated towards the clearing.  Simultaneously, the hill itself began to shift and grumble as walls of stone rose from the ground, surrounded by a dark purple glow.  The mass of earth and stone readjusted and assembled itself on a molecular level as the former doctor shaped the matter to his will.  After what seemed like hours, Splice allowed the magic to dissipate and looked up, panting from his exertions.  Standing atop the hill and looming above its creator was the shape of a beautiful laboratory.  The stone that made the building had been polished through the use of magic, and the rectangular structure of the entire building seemed to glimmer in the moonlight.  The building stood two stories tall, and its roof poked just above the tree line that surrounded it.  This allowed for optimal supervision of the forest that lied ahead as well as the town beyond while still remaining inconspicuous.  As for the ground and the cliff, all evidence that large chunks of matter had just been chipped away moments before were gone – Viktor had taken extra care to remove all blemishes from his new home.  Stepping back, Splice admired his own work and allowed himself a moment to catch his breath.

Now all I require are ‘home furnishings’, he thought with a devilish grin.  Finding the various mechanisms, chemicals, vials, and medical equipment necessary to complete his lab would be difficult, especially because Splice no longer knew what was expected of an adequate lab.  For all I know, my entire repertoire of research may be nothing more than grade school common knowledge by now.  There must be someplace where I can read up on what has taken place in Equestrian history since I’ve been gone.  As he pondered this, Splice gathered up his scroll and walked into his new home.  The first floor constituted what would be most of the doctor’s living space.  There was room for a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and some form of entertainment.  Nodding to himself, Viktor trotted upstairs.  The second floor, though currently barren, would soon resemble his lab back at Canterlot.  He could already locate where he would stash his organic-materials containment unit and his neurotoxin research chamber.  The section of the room farthest from him could accommodate a long table of Petri dishes and a windowsill for research concerning biological and chemical processes; a table in the center of the room could be surrounded with mechanical devices for his electrical and physical research.  Looking around at the core of his future existence, Viktor released a sigh of contentment.  Soon he would be able to continue his work and drive himself towards a new goal – vengeance on the pony that had destroyed everything he ever cared for.  Shuffling up the last flight of stairs, Viktor walked through a rectangular archway (a door would be needed there soon, as well as in the front of the house) and found himself standing on the roof.  He had designed the building to be flat on all six sides, and while the roof was no exception, he had created neck-high walls surrounding its edge.  This would help prevent accidents involving plummeting to his death as well as extra protection from potential intruders.

Looking out over the forest, Splice could easily see Ponyville settled into the night.  Not a light was on in the town, which Viktor took as a sign that its residents were currently asleep.  This seemed as good a time as any to go “scavenging” for supplies, so Viktor trotted downstairs and dropped his scroll in a corner of the first floor.  Using his magic to make temporary stone doors, he sealed off the entire building and began the trek towards Ponyville, savoring the cold grasp of night.