Silent Savior

by RarityEQM

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 2189

Spike saves Equestria. Again.

Did you know it's possible to save Equestria without lifting a claw, or even breaking a sweat?
Spike has saved Equestria 196 times since Starlight moved in.

This is one of those times.

*A 3 A.M. Rarity Short*

Published 2019-03-24 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-24 00:50:01 UTC

No, seriously Spike, just listen...

"I've done it Spike! I've got it! I've come up with the solution! Clones! We can clone her Spike! This is genius!"

"There's just so much to do! You know that! We know that! Twilight is taking on way to much work these days! She didn't need to say yes to all those events, but I know how she hates to let ponies down. The Minotaur king asking her to a royal dinner? Well, she couldn't say no to that, could she? It's really an honor! Winter-wrap up is just around the corner and Celestia needs her to help out with a new policy regarding trade routes! The school needs a new budget, and she hasn't even started on the castle's taxes, and she has to be at the grand opening of Hay Burger in Canterlot and a dozen other things! Really, this is a good idea! Trust me!"

"This isn't too much of a problem! This won't be a problem! Not at all. It's just a simple spell! Super easy, barely an inconvenience to cast! I don't need components or anything at all. That's how you know it's a good spell, Spike. It's really a marvel of the magical sciences. Marvels are always good, aren't they, Spike?"

"Now I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong. Wrong-o. Super wrong. I know what I'm doing. This isn't at all like the time Pinkie tried it. I heard about that, and no, the mirror pool won't be involved. Besides, dozens of Twilights running around? That wouldn't be chaos, like Pinkie. It would be a sheer delight! Wouldn't it? Wouldn't it Spike? Yeah, it would. This is a really good idea!"

"Seriously, Spike, things are going to be okay! I promise! We just need a couple of clones. Six at max, it's really no big deal! It's not gonna be a problem. Think of all the issues they could solve around ponyville! With enough of them, they could tackle any situation that could ever arise! If there had been twenty of Twilight when Tirek attacked, can you imagine how easy things would have been?! Can you imagine it, Spike? Twenty Twilights? Think about it, Spike!"

"So you're probably thinking about the last time we tried this with myself when Twilight was out of town. Yes, one of the clones did go haywire, and yes, she turned all the others against us and they attempted a coup and yes they held us hostage in the basement while one of them ate all the cookies in the jar and the others took over the castle and clogged up all the toilets. I'm very upset about that too, you know? They didn't even invite us to the barbecue. But if you think that'll happen again...well... that's just silly, Spike. That's very silly,"

"That only happened once, okay? It's been AGES since we last tried that! I mean it was like what, two, maybe three weeks ago? We've grown so much, haven't we? And we took care of it, didn't we? The most important thing is: Twilight never found out about it. No harm no foul, right? Right, Spike?"

"It's not like I'm going to lose control of them. Again. That won't happen. That can't happen. I've come up with a morality spell as a fail-safe, so quit worrying. I spent the whole day crafting this spell. It's very potent and it's positively genius if I do say so myself. Really. It is! You know me, Spike! And I'll keep track of all of them! I'm very good at managing and maintaining things. Do you remember the town I ran, Spike? Do you remember the town? It was a good town! There's no way this can fail!"

"I know what you're gonna ask, and no, Spike, I have not tested the morality spell. I don't need to. It's fool-proof! I based it off of my morality, so there's no way it can go wrong! I'm reformed, Spike. You believe that, don't you? Of course you do. That's why it makes me the perfect candidate. I adapted it from a mind control spell and you know how good I am at adapting spells! Also, mind control. This is a good idea! If you think so, don't blink, okay? Ready? Go! See, I knew it!"

"Listen, it's only for a few days or so. Maybe a week tops. That's it! Nothing can go wrong! I'm sure of it. I mean, it's not like I based the fail-safe off of Discord or something! I know it'll be great! I'll just clone her while she's asleep, so I don't bother her and that'll be that. No, I don't need to ask her for permission to use her for my spell. I won't need to. I know she'd be perfect for this and she'd agree, Spike. You know she would. That's just, that's friendship, Spike. That's what friendship is, "

"I know what you're thinking. That's silly, Spike. You're being silly. Murphy's law does not apply here. This is magic Spike. It has been studied and perfected and I'm quite positive this will work. The odds are one hundred percent in our favor! They're good odds, Spike. They're really good! Like the odds of a winning a jackpot in Las Pegasus level good! Seriously, you can't beat those odds! "

"Look, this is just temporary until things get back on track. That's all! That's it! This is gonna be fine. It'll be fine. Really. Really really! You don't need to keep looking at me like that. Look, just, okay, okay you know what? I'm just going to take your unbroken silence as consent. This is fine. Really,"

"You don't believe me? I know that look. Stop, just, okay, just listen for a second, okay? I'm sure that if anything does go wrong, the girls and I can handle it. We can handle everything, Spike. Remember the Hearthswarming Party? Actually, no. Don't remember that. That's an outlier. Pinkie Pie and Berry Punch should not be allowed to be in the same room together with alcohol. Never again. I still don't know how they snuck that elephant in. Geez Twilight was mad. But I guess I would be too if a drunken elephant destroyed my china set. And also my entire bedroom. But that won't happen this time, Spike, neither of them are involved. That was just insane. But barring that, Spike, me and the girls can handle anything. Even an evil Twilight, which is a preposterous concept!"

"Yes, yes, I'm well aware Twilight would be a difficult foe to vanquish. If she were to become evil. Which she won't. Because that's silly. You know her. We know her! She'd never do anything to put Ponyville into jeopardy! That's absolute nonsense! Total lunacy!"

"Okay, no, the one time with the doll and the want-it-need-it spell doesn't count. I heard about that, and I'm sure it wasn't her fault. She had a deadline, or something, right? And she learned her lesson, didn't she? In around thirty minutes no less! So nothing like that will ever happen again. But that's why I made the morality spell, to make sure something like that can't happen! You trust me, don't you, Spike?"

"You are being REALLY unreasonable about this! I can logically lay out step by step why this is a good idea, I can even explain it using math. Twilight says math is never wrong. Do I need to go and get the abacus, Spike? I can go and get the abacus, Spike,"

"Look, just because I need an altered mind control spell to make sure things don't go wrong, doesn't mean this is a bad idea! I can statistically prove that something terrible probably won't happen! Maybe. Twilight uses math all the time and if it's good enough for her it should be good enough for me! And by extension, you! Why isn't the math good enough for you, Spike? Is it the numbers? What do you have against numbers, Spike?"

"Dear Celestia, you are SO impossible! OKAY!! You know what?! FINE! FINE, SPIKE. Have it your way you big worry wort. When Twilight ends up comatose from overworking this year it'll be your fault, Spike! YOUR FAULT! They'll say "Oh, no, what happened to Twilight" and then you'll have to explain to them why you wouldn't let me try out my new cloning spell to help her! A new and IMPROVED cloning spell! This spell was going to change the world! You're standing in the way of magical progress, Spike! I spent hours on this, darn it!"

More silence. Starlight snarled, stomping out of the room and down the halls of Friendship Castle. That dumb dragon. She loved him, really she did, but he lacked creative vision! Clearly, the spell was a good idea and he just refused to see it. And this wasn't the first spell of hers he'd shot down. Oooo no. The roaming toilet that followed you around? How convenient would that be?! The carrot patch that harvested itself? Sure they screamed when they plucked themselves from the ground, but a simple pair of earplugs could take care of that. The flying toaster? Who didn't want a toaster that would shoot toast onto your plate and hovered around the kitchen! The instant cookie spell? Delicious! Although, to his credit, the fudge monster the aforementioned spell produced was not fun. At all. She growled, shaking her head before she stopped and stared down the hall in silence.

Spike was standing there, humming a happy little tune to himself and hanging up a picture on the wall of him and Twilight. Starlight stared, rubbed her eyes, shook her head and rubbed her eyes again. She rubbed her eyes a third time and frowned. Nope. He was still there. She knitted her brow and poked her head back into the room she was just in.

She turned and stared down the hall. Spike was still out there, still humming, still hanging up the picture, trying to get it juuuuust right. She glanced back into the room again.

"SPIKE!" she barked. She could feel a growl building in her throat. Oh, she was good and mad now. The nerve of that little... The dragon looked over towards her and smiled in her direction.

"Hey Starlight, what's up?" he asked, skipping over. Starlight shook her head.

"DONT YOU STARLIGHT ME!! YOU SHOT DOWN MY CLONING IDEA BUT YOU'VE BEEN USING CLONES THIS WHOLE TIME?!" she screeched. Spike cocked his head curiously.

"I'm doin' what now?" He asked. Starlight bitterly directed him towards the clone in the other room. Spike peered in and immediately burst into giggles.

"That's not a clone!" He laughed. "That's just one of the cardboard cuts outs I set up sometimes when Twilight starts droning on and on about her latest research project. This week it was the magical effects of anthropomorphic spells on rutabagas. Then she started asking if she could use ME for some research! Ugh, it was rough," Spike groaned, stepping into the room and tucking the cutout under an arm. Starlight balked.

"I...Y-you...I've been talking to a cardboard cut out for the last twenty minutes?" She stammered. Spike raised an eye ridge in disbelief.

"You've been talking to a cardboard cut out for twenty minutes?" He asked. Starlight chuckled and rubbed the back of her head with a hoof.

"Ahh...Ha...Hahaha, nooooooo. No. N-no no. Nope. I was...I was just...It...It looked so lifelike I decided I would um...use it to...um... help me, practice for a speech I need for a thing I'm going to do...and..." she sputtered. Spike shook his head.

"You were talking to the cardboard cut out, " he deadpanned. Starlight blushed a furious shade of pink and bit her lower lip.

"I...um...ya know, Spike, that's not a bad idea. Where'd you get that, anyway? Sometimes Trixie goes on and on about her latest show she performed and I kinda fall asleep mid-way through..." Starlight stammered sheepishly. Spike grinned. He'd never actually thought about it before, but the applications of such a spell were suddenly starting to spill into his head. It was a simple spell. A scrap of cardboard, a scroll and some runes and not much else. Something he could make himself without the need for a unicorn. He'd found it in the book in the Golden Oaks Library and it had been a life saver then as it was a lifesaver now. Surely other ponies could make use of it. He gave a toothy grin as a plan formed in his head:

He was gonna open up shop and make a killing.

Author's Note

Time for more 3 am nonsense!
Comedy Prompt: Spike and Starlight.
This is what I came up with.
Silly little throwaway vignette comedy.
Enjoy. :duck:

Image Source:
Source on DeviantArt (Artist: BlueOysterColt),
Source on (Artist: IronM17)
https://www.deviantart.com/sasukex125/art/Spike-smiling-vector-336114909

Ending Inspired by:

Archivist Nightwatch

Go check out their stories! They're awesome!! :D