Starlight Glimmer’s heart beat a mile a minute, yet she couldn’t figure out why.
The weather was cooling, but not enough for her to shiver. Trixie only lived a couple blocks down the road, and she hadn't been rushing. She’d walked at a calm pace, or at least, she presumed so.
After all, who pays attention to walking speed, save for making a mad dash for the bus?
Reaching for the doorbell, she paused half way. Her palms were drenched in sweat. What the hell is wrong with you, Starlight? She let out a dejected sigh. You’ve been dating Trixie for, what, two months now? When will you grow a pair and stop catastrophising every date?
“This is ridiculous…” Starlight muttered under her breath. “I can't let Trixie see me like this.” Before she could berate herself any further, the door swung open, suddenly enveloping her in a thick blanket of smoke.
After she finished hacking her lungs up, she noticed who was over her.
“Trixie?!” she wheezed. “What the heck are you doing?”
“Just making sure our date night gets off to a bang!” Trixie grinned, her hands on her hips.
Starlight would’ve objected if she hadn’t started a fresh coughing fit. She managed to croak out something vaguely resembling the word ‘water’ which, to her girlfriend's credit, did get the message across, promptly ushering her inside.
Once granted a drink, Starlight gulped it down with all the speed of a man lost in a desert for a decade.
“Starlight, are you okay?” Trixie asked, eyebrows arched as she offered Starlight a chair.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Starlight huffed with some difficulty, thumping out the remaining toxicity from her system.
“I’m so sorry!” Trixie clasped her hands together and bowed multiple times. “I’ve been testing a smoke bomb for my next big show, but it seems I got the new formula all wrong!”
Well, tonight is certainly off to a great start. Starlight would’ve berated her intrusive thoughts out loud, but it would just make her sound crazy. Well, crazier than she already felt. “Trixie, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”
“Oh, no you don't,” Trixie replied in a half-jokey tone, crossing her arms. “Trixie only ever worries about those she cares about most.”
Starlight smiled, blushing a little. “Thanks, Trixie.”
“Don't mention it.” Trixie returned the smile and grabbed Starlight's hands. “Trixie loves you with all her heart and will have none of that self-deprecating talk under her roof. Understood?”
“I'll try,” Starlight replied sheepishly, avoiding eye contact. As usual, Trixie read her like an open book, with page one being an index of all the different ways she hated herself. Despite this, she chose to mention the outlying title on the next page. “I love you, too.”
Trixie kissed her on the cheek, her smile evolving into a much sultrier expression. “Now, would you be so kind as to accompany me to the bedroom? I'd like us to change into something more... casual.”
“I thought you'd never ask,” Starlight giggled. Anything to get out of this awkward situation.
Starlight had been surprised on her first sleepover with Trixie. She'd expected her to live in a caravan, or a mobile home of some sort, which Trixie insisted was a common stereotype of stage magicians. Despite how unremarkable this house was, something about it just made Starlight feel safe.
As Trixie lead her up the stairs, the memories of their first night flooded Starlight's mind. They had returned to their little 'love nest', as she liked to call it (much to Trixie’s eye-rolling ire) on several occasions.
Yet just last week, Starlight had expressed a preference towards a real bed; at least as far as sensual date nights were concerned. “Making love on a crash mat is fine and all,” she had said. “But, to be honest, I prefer the gentle warmth of a fluffy duvet.”
Starlight felt her breath unexpectedly quicken. Trixie was looking forward to tonight, but... Once more, her thoughts began to wander, and with it came the ever-present self-doubt, circling around her mind like a vulture. What the hell am I doing? Is this really what I want? To be yet another whore, throwing your body at the first person who’s nice to you? She felt her stomach churn. Trixie wasn’t the first girl she’d slept with, not by a long shot.
But that night in the dressing room was different. For the first time, she felt a rush of emotions like never before; ones that solidified her love for Trixie. It was a warm, comforting feeling, a far cry from her many one-night stands with people.
How could I possibly match that? She clenched her fists. I'm going to disappoint her again, aren't I? Goddammit, Starlight, you're such a loser.
“Hey, earth to Starlight.” Trixie waved her hand in front of Starlight's face. “Are you with me, Starlight?”
“Huh?” she found herself yanked back to reality in Trixie’s bedroom, shaking like a leaf.
“Are you sure you're okay, Starlight?” Trixie asked, squeezing her hands. “Is something on your mind?”
Starlight deflated, head hung low. “It's...” she began, but her mind pulled the rug under her feet again. Don't even think about it. You wouldn't dare bothering her with your problems, not tonight. There's no use both of you being miserable. She ground her teeth and forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just... overthinking stuff. You know how it is.
“Although,” she continued, hoping to lighten the mood. “Maybe we can try something, well, different tonight?”
“Oh?” Trixie cocked an eyebrow. “What do you have in mind?”
Starlight held her hands behind her back and took a deep breath. “Could we just, like, watch movies together, naked? Without jumping right to sex, I mean. I don’t think I'm all that horny tonight, sorry.”
In response, Trixie squeezed Starlight’s cheeks between her hands, rotating her head left and right while humming, as if she were a doctor examining a patient.
“Trixie?” Starlight was so confused, her voice slightly muffled. “What are you doing?”
She giggled. “Just making sure you’re the real Starlight Glimmer and not some extra-dimensional replica. With all this magic around, Trixie can never be too careful, you know.”
“Oh.” Starlight’s expression dropped. “Sorry, I know it’s not what you were expecting. I can just leave if you’d—”
“Certainly not!” Trixie declared, stomping her feet with a gentle smile, hands back on her hips. “Trixie enjoys spending time with you. So, if watching movies in the nude is what makes you happy, then I’m happy, too.”
Starlight breathed a sigh of relief. “You’re the best. Thank you, Trixie.”
“It’s no trouble at all.” Trixie unzipped and shrugged off her hoodie. “Now, are we going to get naked, or stand here and talk about it all night?”
Starlight giggled, giving Trixie a quick peck on the cheek. She undid the button on her jeans, letting them fall to the floor. She was about to remove her jacket, when something about Trixie caught her eye. “Weren’t you wearing a bra today?”
“I’m glad you noticed,” Trixie gave a coy wink, jiggling her breasts as she threw away her stripy shirt. “And as you can see,” she lifted her skirt, a small tease of what was to come, “Trixie is not wearing any underwear, either.”
Starlight’s heart hammered her chest. Of all the little surprises included in her date nights, this ranked among the best. “Now why didn’t I think of that?” she smirked and threw her shirt onto the growing pile of clothes.
Trixie shrugged. “Call it stage intuition. A little misdirection goes a long way towards audience entertainment.”
She was in the middle of undoing her skirt when a familiar melodic chime sang outside the room. “Dammit!” she swore. “I forgot about the pizza delivery!”
“Why’s that a problem?” Starlight asked as she unhooked her bra. “Just zip your hoodie up and answer the door. Unless you’re planning to shoot a cheesy porn film for your next stage show!”
Trixie scoffed at that remark. “Hardly. I just didn’t want to spoil the moment. Although…”
Starlight narrowed her eyes. “Trixie, I was kidding about the porn thing. What are you scheming?”
“Just a little experiment to give us the best of both worlds!”
“One medium-sized Hawaiian and one medium Meat Feast pizza for—WOAH!”
Flash Sentry almost dropped them out of shock. One minute, he was making just another delivery for his part-time job, and the next? He was staring slack-jawed at Trixie, standing in front of him butt naked. “Good evening, Flash,” Trixie said in a seductive tone. “Enjoying the view?”
“I… erm… well…” Flash tried to avert his gaze, but it was no use. His eyes remained locked on Trixie’sbreasts. “H-hey, Trixie. Did you order these… um… pizzas?”
“Why yes, I did, didn’t I?” Trixie played with her bangs, twirling them around her finger. “I don’t suppose Trixie’s magnificent form will be accepted as payment, will it?”
“I’m… afraid not,” Flash gulped, taking in the full spectacle of Trixie’s body. “As nice as you are— I mean, it’s a nice offer, but I think it would be breast— I mean, best!” He took a deep breath, trying to maintain focus. “Just pay the full price, there’s no need to tip.”
Trixie sighed. “Alright, if you insist.” With a snap of her fingers, she conjured two playing cards seemingly from thin air. “Now, look closely. These are ordinary playing cards, correct?”
Flash nodded, wrestling his vision back to eye level. Though he wouldn’t admit it, he was thankful for the magical distraction.
“Take them. Examine them for yourself.” Flash grabbed the cards in his shaking hands, trying (and failing) to take the cards without touching Trixie’s boobs – though in his defence, Trixie didn’t make it easy. “Now watch my hands closely.”
Now Flash knew Trixie was teasing him, not that it mattered. He played along regardless, watching as Trixie waved her palms in circles over the cards. With a click of her fingers, the cards transformed into a pair of ten-dollar bills. “Keep the change,” Trixie said with a wink. “Oh, and one more thing. When I next click my fingers, you’ll forget all about this delivery.” With a little more mystical hand waving, Trixie took the pizzas, clicked her fingers and closed the door.
A few seconds later, Flash came to his senses. “Wait, why was I here again?” He scratched his head, looking down to see both the money in his hand and the work uniform he wore. “Oh yeah. Well, I hope they enjoy it.”
“You’ve gotta show me how to do that,” Starlight said, her eyes shining with spellbound wonder at Trixie’s impeccable skills.
“Which part?” Trixie grinned. “Turning cards into money, or making boys forget they’ve seen you naked?”
“Why not both?” Starlight giggled, wrapping her arms around Trixie and kissing her forehead. “You’re incredible, you know that?”
Trixie nuzzled Starlight’s cheek. “I guess that makes two of us.”
The two looked deep into each other’s eyes, leading into a long kiss; made extra passionate by their smooth, bare bodies rubbing against one another. Soon enough, Trixie found her hands drifting south.
Giving Starlight’s butt a gentle squeeze, Trixie swept her leg forward, planting her crotch straight down onto her thigh.
“Trixie…” Starlight looked away, her enthusiastic smile vanishing.
She froze. “Starlight? Is something wrong?”
“Sorry, Trixie,” her voice was almost a whisper.
“Do you want me to stop?”
Starlight nodded.
“Sure thing.” Trixie stepped back and gestured to the living room. “Want to pick the first movie?”
You fool. The sneering voice in Starlight’s head returned. You knew this would happen, but still you disappoint her.
“You sure you’re okay, Starlight? You’re looking kind of distant.”
Starlight looked back up, her cheerful façade returned. “I’m fine. What kind of movies have you got?”
“See for yourself.” When Trixie pulled the door open, Starlight's jaw dropped. The walls were covered with DVDs, stacked on shelves high as she was tall. It was like something from one of those long-defunct rental stores she went to as a child.
The only breaks in this wall-to-wall collection were spaces reserved for the front window (covered by thick, green curtains Trixie had the foresight to close in advance), the sofa and the huge television, which looked to Starlight more like a cinema screen.
“Impressive, isn't it?” Trixie smirked proudly.
“Trixie, this is amazing!” Starlight took in the vast splendour that was a sea of DVDs. “How did you get all this stuff?”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie did not become such a grand stage musician without a broad array of inspirations. I’ve been collecting since I was ten years old, with the rest inherited from my father. He was such a movie geek – when he wasn’t busy touring, anyway.”
“Oh.” Starlight's heart sank. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up a difficult topic.”
“Not at all!” Trixie put a hand on Starlight's shoulder. “Touring is all part of a magician's life. Though I can assure you, when Trixie makes it big, you will be a V.I.P to every show.”
“Thank you.” Starlight rewarded her with a kiss and stepped inside to hunt for the perfect film. “Do you have any 'gooder' movies?”
“Gooder?” Trixie blinked. “What's a 'gooder' movie?”
“It's a little phrase I picked up online,” Starlight explained. “It's a shorthand for so-bad-they're-good movies. Something we can laugh at.”
Trixie hummed and rubbed her chin. “Well, the horror section is right next to the TV. Perhaps you could choose one of the exploitation zombie flicks? Their low-budget effects make for some shlocky fun.”
Starlight walked up to the TV and searched the movies surrounding it. “Aha!” she said, pulling out a DVD entitled Zombied 2: The Re-Deadening. “How about this one?”
“If you don't mind all the fake gore, then this will be perfect!”
Handing over the DVD, Starlight flopped down onto the sofa, watching with delight as a shambling horde of rubber-masked B-list actors lurched across the menu screen. If the blood-splattered letters were anything to go by, she knew she'd made the right choice.
“Oh, Starlight?” Trixie asked as she sat herself down.
“What's up?”
“Are you still okay to cuddle tonight?
“Yeah, that's fine,” Starlight nodded, pulling her legs up and curling up in Trixie's lap. “Thanks for checking.”
“Think nothing of it,” Trixie petted her hair. “I love you, Starlight.”
“I love you, too.” Snuggling closer, she watched with bated breath as the film began.
Not one to disappoint, the movie opened to a city wasteland, stripped of its glamour by a raging sandstorm. ‘War is hell,’ said the narrator in a gruff voice. ‘This city was beautiful, once.'
“That’s what they all say!” Starlight remarked.
‘But since the omega death virus bomb of ultimate doom? No longer.'
“Did they also put the B in ‘subtle’?” Trixie threw a pizza topping at the screen, though it mercifully fell short, saving Trixie a long clean-up job later.
“Maybe you should’ve ordered popcorn instead,” Starlight poked Trixie’s belly.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie does not eat lesser snacks on her girlfriend’s special night.” She added to her proud declaration by ruffling Starlight's hair. “Also, don't poke me like that.”
As the narrator droned on, the camera took its time examining every little detail of the model streets. ‘Once, thousands of people crossed these busy streets. Now? What we have, is worse than death. In place of life, there is…’ the narrator paused, just in time for a rotting zombie to shamble into frame. ‘Undeath.’
“Is the hero named ‘Captain obvious’?” The film wasn’t even five minutes in, and already Starlight was laughing like a hyena.
Meanwhile, a rugged, roughed-up man ran for his life. The zombie was slowly gaining on him, thanks in part to his nasty habit of stumbling over every little stone or spec of dirt that lay in his path.
“When this guy said he wanted a trip abroad,” Trixie said, struggling not to laugh at her own joke, “I don’t think he meant it like this.”
Starlight had no such restraint, bursting into a fit of laughter so hard she gave herself hiccups.
Trixie, ever the vigilant girlfriend, came to her rescue; sweeping her into a tight hug and giving her a long, deep kiss. Starlight all but melted in her embrace, and were it not for her need to breathe, she would have happily remained there all night.
“Better?” Trixie showed off a cheeky smile.
“Better,” Starlight turned over to use Trixie’s breasts as a pillow.
She looked back to the movie just in time for the zombie to devour the clumsy man in a shower of fake gore, the camera lavishly panning overhead to capture every little detail.
“Hey, Trixie, pass the ketchup. I think the movie used it all.”
She gave Starlight a blank stare. “But I don’t have any…” When the realization hit, Trixie snickered. “That’s your revenge for the hiccups, isn’t it?”
Starlight tapped her nose and winked.
Before the zombie could crack its victim’s skull open, the distinctive click of a reloading gun caught its attention. Not that it made any difference, as it immediately got shredded in a hail of bullets, reducing it to small puddle of rotting flesh at its victim’s feet.
‘Bon Appetit,’ said the hero, who was every bit as rough and rugged as his deep, gravelly voice implied, just as Starlight imagined he would be. Torn jeans, tank top covered by an ammo vest, thick black boots, all topped off with a shaven head and stubble chin. His jaw so rectangular it could almost be considered a weapon itself.
“Looks like barber shops weren’t hurt by the apocalypse,” Starlight snarked.
“Even in the grim darkness of the near future, one cannot forget to look FABULOUS!” Trixie’s Rarity impression was so spot on, Starlight could swear she was possessed!
The action hero reconvened with other survivors, most of whom were hyper-masculine men, though there were a couple of women amongst them. Granted, they were all skinny, busty, and most importantly, wearing the absolute minimum amount of clothing needed to please the censors.
Everyone was armed to the teeth—literally in some cases—with so much ammo about their bodies, Starlight wondered how come a bullet or two didn’t fall to their feet once in a while. All of which they rattled off in wide directions, yet all hitting their mark regardless. As if that wasn't absurd enough, the heroes also stumbled upon an abandoned monster truck on the side of the road. A functional, flame-throwing exhaust pipe death machine covered in spikes, parked slap bang in the middle of the city.
“How the hell did civilization collapse in the first place?” Starlight half-laughed at the absurdity of it all. “Was the action hero on vacation?”
Trixie rubbed her chin, pretending to give the question any serious thought. “He hates Mondays,” she answered, as if it explained anything. “Trixie speaks from experience. In some jobs, one person shows up late and everything goes to shit!”
“And other times, you get zombies,” Starlight added. “Though I'm guessing that wasn't a problem at your day job.”
“Working in a coffee shop? You'd be surprised,” Trixie shrugged. “Zombies, grumpy commuters, what's the difference?”
“Well, one will try and bite your face off.”
“And the other is undead!” Trixie laughed. “Say, Starlight, want my last slice of pizza?”
Starlight's eyes went wide. Of all the romantic gestures Trixie could’ve shown, this had to top the list. She'd never tried pineapple on pizza before, so to say she was gunning for the experience would’ve been an understatement. “Would I?!”
Holding her palms open, Starlight welcomed the warm slice dropping into her hands. She took a bite and immediately froze.
Trixie tilted her head. “You like it?”
“It's...” Starlight swallowed. “Delicious! Thank you!”
“Well then, it looks like Trixie will have to buy a large one for sharing next time.”
Starlight didn’t respond, too busy savouring her devoured piece.
As the minutes ticked by, Starlight noticed something about the movie. Even when the primary antagonist showed herself—a woman calling herself the ‘Guleh Zombie Queen’, dressed in a full-leather dominatrix outfit with duct-taped nipples and carrying a long whip in both hands—there hadn't been a single sex scene anywhere. This struck Starlight as odd, given all she'd read on the topic of grindhouse films.
“Trixie, how long is this movie?”
“There's about half an hour left, if that's what you're asking.” Trixie frowned. “Why? Don't you like it?”
The question shot through Starlight. Of all the questions Trixie could have asked, it had to be this one. “Oh no, I do. But...” she trailed off, feeling the colour drain from her face. She needed an answer, but none would come.
She knows.
Trixie’s tapping foot was deafening, each beat a tighter clamp on her chest.
Get out. Get out now.
“I... j-just need to pee, can we pause it? The movie, I mean.”
“Of course. Do you know where the bath—?”
“Yep! Up the stairs and on right, I won't be long!” Before she knew it, she got up and bolted out of the room.
Good job, Starlight. Fucking tease.
“No!” she stifled a scream with her hands. The world distorted as she ran, its edges a dissonant blur.
Again? The memories came flooding back. The day Sunburst left. The day she arrived at Canterlot High.
In her mind’s eye, she saw it all. Shadowed faces, sneering at her in twisted mockery.
You never change.
She felt her chest tighten as she fell to the floor, gasping for air.
Bitch.
Tease.
Deceptive little shit.
Liar.
Over and over, the words swirled in her mind. Her whole body shook violently. She clenched her gut as if she’d been kicked in the ribs.
“Shut up! Trixie loves me! She… she…”
Whore.
“Fuck you!”
Slut.
“Get away from me!”
Pathetic.
Starlight covered her ears, desperate to drown out the noise.
“Starlight?”
A voice, softer, gentler.
“Starlight? Are you okay in there?”
Trixie's voice cut through the fog in her mind. All at once, Starlight’s senses returned. She was on the bathroom floor, curled up in the foetal position.
“Starlight?” Trixie asked again, this time with greater urgency. “Starlight, what’s wrong?”
“I'm fine!” Starlight blurted, somehow managing a nervous chuckle. Tentatively, she sat up and reached for a towel, wiping away the tears that stung her eyes. “Everything's fine! I'll be down in a minute!”
“Alright…” Trixie replied, breathing a sigh of relief. “Anything I can do to help?”
“Just a glass of water will be fine!” Starlight bit her lip. You're such a burden.
“Sure thing. See you in a minute, my love.”
She couldn't be sure, but Trixie's voice sounded plenty cheerful. Perhaps she didn’t catch on to her panic attack? But then again, what prompted her to check in the first place? There was no clock in the bathroom, so Starlight didn't know how long she'd been there.
“Deep breaths, Starlight,” she began her mantra. “Just focus on the here and now.” She presseddown the handle and pushed the door open, peering through the crack. What am I doing? There's no one in the house beside me and Trixie. She slapped her head. I'm such a paranoid fuck up...
“Starlight?” Trixie called.
“Coming!” Starlight replied, trying to hide the quiver in her voice.
She returned to the living room where Trixie already awaited her. “Ah, there you are,” she said with a light smile. If she had any serious worries, she had them expertly hidden. “Ready for more zombie-splattering fun?”
“You bet I am!” Starlight lied. With the temporary crisis averted for now, she put her hopes on the movie to silence her anxieties again.
“Here’s your water, by the way.” Trixie handed Starlight the glass. Despite Starlight’s worries, her tone was more motherly than lustful. “Don’t drink it too quickly, or you’ll get hiccups again.”
“Thanks,” Starlight replied. She took a couple of sips before sitting back down. Her shaking hadn’t stopped completely, but it was reduced enough not to be noticeable. “Ready to finish the movie?”
“I thought you’d never ask!” Trixie stretched her arm over Starlight’s shoulder and gave her a peck on the cheek.
Taking a deep breath, Starlight did her best to relax.
The movie resumed, ushering in a mysterious new foe for the protagonists to gawk at: a monstrous creature, stumbling its way down the abandoned highway. Shrouded in fog, Starlight couldn't make out more than an outline at first, but what she could see was enough to peak her curiosity.
Slowly, the abomination revealed itself, its humongous form sharing but the vaguest resemblance to the zombies that had proceeded it. This, thing, was little more than a lumbering mass of flesh, stitched together without care for form or function. Five, bulbous eyes bulged out from various points on its body, each one independently scanning for its prey – not that it had far to look.
Starlight’s eyes were glued to the screen. Somehow, the crude mishmash of rubber, zips and cloth limbs culminated into something so over-the-top, she found herself lost for words at the prospect of anyone taking this over-grown potato-thing seriously.
‘It’s hideous!’ cried one woman with a machine gun for a leg.
‘It’s grotesque!’ cried a man with two, robotic claws for hands.
None of these cliché-ridden reactions broke Starlight's immersion. No, what took her out of the moment so much...
“It’s my old cousin, Frank!”
...was one of the most ridiculous jokes Trixie had ever made.
“Seriously?” Starlight cocked an incredulous eyebrow at her. “That’s what you’re going with?”
Trixie just smirked, gesturing back to the TV screen.
Not that Starlight needed prompting. She was on the edge of her seat, waiting to see how the heroes would respond to the flesh monster. On some level, Starlight already knew what was about to happen. She'd seen many movies like this before. The heroes make a break for it, a woman screams, frozen in terror and gets eaten. The usual clichés.
Yet the movie managed to make it sillier.
Its three mouths all grinned in unison as it leaned over to grab a woman. Then, in a squeaky voice unbefitting of the monster's size, it yelled, 'Now open wide and say “aaaah”!'
Starlight tried her hardest to remain straight faced, but to no avail. Both she and Trixie burst into a fit of belly-bursting laughter.
“I love you!” Starlight wheezed between giggles.
“I love you, too,” Trixie replied as soon as she regained her composure, pulling Starlight into a tight hug. “This was an amazing idea. Thank you so much, Starlight. The Great and Powerful Trixie is fortunate to have a girlfriend such as yourself.”
Starlight blushed. “Trixie, I... I don't know what to say...”
“You needn't say anything at all, my number one stage assistant,” Trixie said, planting a trio of kisses across Starlight's face. “Let’s just keep watching, and riff on it to our hearts’ content.”
Starlight didn't have to wait long for the movie to pick up the pace. As the heroes scrambled back toward the city, the flesh beast followed, crashing through the rubble as easily as a child kicking over Lego bricks.
In fairness, Starlight thought, the set might as well be made of Lego.
One wrong turn was all it took for the beast to catch up. Trapped in a dead-end street, the heroes unleashed hell. A hail of bullets stormed from their guns, shredding through the monster's flesh with ease.
Yet this did little to slow its advance. All three mouths grinning with anticipation, the monster threw open its arms and slashed its gleaming claws around with wild abandon.
'Hey, Frankenstein!' All eyes turned to the big hero, standing on the roof top with a grenade in one hand and a chainsaw in the other. 'Get a load of this!'
As if he wasn't chewing the scenery enough, the hero bellowed a mighty war cry, tossed the grenade into the monster's mouth and leapt off the building.
Plunging head-first towards it, the hero revved his chainsaw to its maximum speed, slicing the monster clean in two right before the grenade detonated in a blinding flash of light, levelling an entire city block.
When the dust finally settled, the party was somehow left unscathed – apart from the women's clothing, entirely burnt off aside from a few strategically placed strips of cloth. Of course, the men didn’t suffer from such fan service.
The only one missing was the hero himself.
Whether he survived or not, Starlight had no idea. It wasn't impossible to be protected by plot armour, but she supposed it could be a heroic sacrifice instead. All she knew for sure was the shock of his comrades; each gawking slack-jawed at where the hero used to be.
“What is he waiting for?” Starlight asked. “The rubble's made from papier-mache and cardboard boxes! Surely that's easy to cut through, right, Trixie?”
Trixie didn't respond.
“Trixie? Did you hear what I s—”
One look at Trixie sent a chill down Starlight's spine. Her stare blank, her face frozen in terror.
Then, she started hyperventilating.
The realization hit Starlight like a brick to the face. Just as she had done not five minutes earlier, Trixie was having a panic attack.
Starlight threw her arms around Trixie, rocking her back and forth in a vain attempt to break her from her trance. “This can't be happening. It can't... I... Trixie speak to me! Trixie!”
“Get out...” Trixie muttered from quivering lips. “What happened? Please, get out. Please, don't die on me! Get out, get out!”
What have I done? The thought wormed its way into Starlight's mind. Trixie was slumped over her shoulder, struggling to breathe, and there was nothing she could do about it.
“Trixie...” Starlight’s voice cracked. “I'm here for you. It'll be okay.” She wished she had the mental fortitude to believe those words. In truth, she didn’t fare much better. She knew how to keep herself safe, but for others? She had no clue.
All she could do was hold Trixie close and hope for it all to end soon.
You fool, her mind berated. Look at what you've done. You've traumatized Trixie, the poor girl!
“Shut up!” Starlight yelled through gritted teeth. “That’s enough! Self-loathing won't help. Trixie needs me. Stop it, Starlight!”
But the thoughts didn't stop. You did this to her. You chose the movie, and you set her off. Now, look what happened! You haven't changed a bit.
“Trixie...” Starlight gulped, her eyes tearing up as her mental defences faltered. “I didn't mean it. This… wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this. Speak to me, please. Trixie, I love you!”
“...I love... you, too.”
One look from Trixie and the dam burst, releasing the torrent of emotions Starlight had been suppressing all evening.
“Oh, Trixie!” she bawled. “Thank goodness you're okay! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm such a fuck-up!”
“Starlight...” Trixie’s voice shook, her body still reeling from the panic attack. “It's... not your fault.”
“Yes, it is!” Starlight snapped, bursting into tears once more. “It was my idea to watch this stupid movie, and now look what happened! I wanted us to be happy, Trixie. But no matter how hard I try, I always end up hurting people. I'm the same fucking dumbass I've always been, so just dump me and get it over with, before I inevitably hurt you again!”
“Starlight, that's enough,” Trixie reached for Starlight's glass of water and took a couple of much-needed gulps. “It's fine, I'm fine. You didn't know my triggers, I never told you. I knew this scene was coming, but didn't say anything—”
“For my sake,” Starlight sniffled. “That way, I could be happy, even if it hurt you.”
“No. Because I thought I could take it.”
Starlight's sobs came to an abrupt halt. She tried to say something, to acknowledge Trixie's words. But her mind found no purchase.
With shaking hands, Trixie managed to hold the remote long enough to pause the movie. “Starlight,” she took a deep breath. “I'm... not okay, but I'm trying to be. You remember what I said about this collection?”
Starlight nodded.
“Well... I inherited it. My dad's dead.”
Starlight's eyes went wide. “What happened to him?” The words escaped Starlight's mouth faster than she could consider the implications.
“It was supposed to be his biggest performance to date,” Trixie began. “One that would win back the crowds with, in his words, 'a death-defying stunt'. As you’ve probably guessed, it didn't work out that way.”
Starlight could tell how much Trixie was meandering. “Sorry, Trixie, I shouldn't have asked something so insensitive—”
“No, it's okay,” Trixie sighed and took a deep breath, visibly bracing herself for the shock of details. “He was to be buried alive, with ten minutes to escape...”
Starlight squeezed Trixie's hands. “And he didn't make it in time?”
Trixie nodded. “And I saw it all happen. I was eight years old.”
Starlight could hardly imagine anything more traumatic than this. The concept alone was enough to make her shudder. Then she recalled something Trixie said earlier that night. “Wait, Trixie, you said you'd seen this movie before, right?”
She nodded.
“You should've said something!” Starlight protested, though not unkindly. “If I'd known you'd be hurt, I would've chosen something else. Seeing you like this, it...” She trailed off, unable to find words that wouldn't invoke shame.
“I thought I could take it.” Trixie looked down at her hands resting on Starlight's lap. Starlight could only guess how vulnerable she felt. “I thought... if I knew it coming, then I'd be able to... maybe, one day, be stable enough to do the trick myself.”
“Trixie, no!” Starlight snapped, no longer able to hold back her emotions. “You don't have to do this. You don't need to put your life at risk for the sake of a stage show! I know this makes me sound controlling—and maybe I am, I don't know—but I'm saying this from the heart. You're special to me,Trixie. You know that. I don't want to lose someone special to me. Not again.”
Trixie closed her eyes tight, cringing at her words. “I knew you'd say that,” she said meekly. “That's another reason. I'm responsible for my family's legacy. My mom works her butt off to keep this house, and my stage show, up and running. I can't let her down. I can't let the shadow of my dad's death be for nothing. If I don't pick up where he failed? I may as well quit magic right now.”
“But you're already good enough.”
Trixie perked up, blown away, though she still scrutinized her girlfriend's sudden smile. “What do you mean?”
Starlight let out a small sigh of relief. “Trixie, this is gonna come out weird, but I need to make this point. You remember why we got together in the first place, right?”
Trixie blinked. “Of course, I do. We've only been dating two months.”
“You forgave me for messing up your stage act. You forgave me for my narrow-minded view of popularity. You even said you were trying to be a better person, just like I was, right?”
Trixie nodded. “Yeah.”
“Well, what I got out of that was that success doesn't have to be big,” Starlight went on. “Tonight, I wanted to test that. I wanted to see if we could be intimate, naked, without sex. I needed to know I was more than just a fuck buddy to you – not because you ever said otherwise, but because I didn't believe it myself.”
Trixie raised an eyebrow. “Starlight, where the heck did you get that idea from?”
“Yeah, it sounds stupid when I say it out loud,” Starlight blushed, rubbing the back of her head. “But, from the moment I suggested coming ‘round to yours? To be more comfortable? I knew, as soon as you took your clothes off, you were horny. And if I wasn't, then I was the problem.”
Trixie gently lifted Starlight's hand and kissed it. “Yeah, I was a little horny, but you weren't. It happens, Starlight. To love you any less would be a serious dick move.”
Starlight tried to let herself relax a little. “I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm still dealing with my inferiority complex. I've enjoyed the movie, and my time with you. You mean the world to me, Trixie. And I feel like if I don't shape up and start following my own advice? We're both gonna end up in a bad spot.”
Starlight took a deep breath to steady her nerves. “Trixie, I… I’ve more to say, actually. Do you mind?”
Trixie gave her a curious look. “No, not at all. Why do you ask?”
“Thank you. I just haven't... I mean, I've never...” Starlight bit her lip. This was going to be harder than expected. “I've told you some of the reasons I was a bitch through high school; the need for validation through conformity and all that. Basically, I need to come clean about the whole thing, 'cause if I don’t? It'll affect us. Badly.”
“Only if you're sure, Starlight,” Trixie’s voice was calm, yet stern. “Don't force yourself to drudge up bad memories for my sake, okay?”
Starlight nodded. “If I'm honest, these memories rarely go away; sometimes they're just quieter.”
Leaning back on the arm rest, Trixie gestured over her lap. “You’re welcome to cuddle while we talk, if that makes it any easier?”
Starlight hesitated for a moment, still unable to shake the lingering doubts over being a tease. Oh, to heck with it, she thought. She shuffled onto Trixie's lap and rested her head on her chest with eyes closed. She'd become so adept at avoiding such memories, finding the right place to start would be like unravelling a Gordian knot – though, if lucky, a little naked relaxation in her girlfriend’s arms would loosen her tongue.
“Sorry I’m taking so long,” she said on reflex.
“It's fine, take your time,” Trixie murmured. “We’ve all night for this.”
Starlight let the warmth of Trixie's body erode her mental walls. After some minutes of silence, she was ready. “I guess you could say, I got inspiration for tonight. I was eating lunch in the cafeteria the other day, when I overheard a conversation between Tree Hugger and Fluttershy. I wasn’t eavesdropping, though! They were sitting on the table behind me and—”
“Starlight, it’s fine” Trixie shushed. “I’m not going to judge you. This is our special night, so whatever’s said here will remain here – unless we agree otherwise.”
Starlight let out a blissful sigh. She could imagine having similar conversations with a psychiatrist, though she’d never dream of lying against a so-called professional sans-clothed. That was a pleasure exclusively between her and Trixie.
“Sorry, force of habit,” she continued. “Anyway, y’know the bird sanctuary Fluttershy works at? That’s where she started dating Tree Hugger. And since they helped to fund it, once evening comes, it’s open for nudist events. Hardly surprising given that it’s Tree Hugger, huh?”
“Tree Hugger taking any excuse to get her clothes off?” Trixie slapped her cheeks. “Well I never would’ve guessed.”
“I know, right?” Starlight laughed. “Fluttershy said it's really boosted her self-esteem, but that's not what surprised me. The real shock came from Tree Hugger. She said they hadn't had sex even once during their evenings alone!”
“No way! Tree Hugger's a hippy. I pinned her as all about free love and that sort of stuff.”
“That's what I thought!” Starlight looked up at her. “I was worried it'd be a TMI subject, but Fluttershy was surprisingly open about it all. That got me wondering; what am I to you?
“I mean, not that, I ever thought…” Starlight trailed off, realizing the implications of her babbling. “I mean, what I thought I was to you. Y'know, the thing I said about being a slut? Before I met you...”
“Don’t worry about it,” Trixie rubbed Starlight's cheeks. “I know what you mean. You used to sleep around, and you want me to be more than just another stamp on a sexual points card, correct?”
“Eloquently put.” Starlight averted her gaze. “Much better than I could've explained it.”
“Starlight,” Trixie gently pushed Starlight's head up to look at her. “I love you, but you’ve got to stop beating yourself up. I know you feel guilty about who you used to be. I get it, I've been there. But after I told you about my dad's death? How you were afraid I'd end up the same? Well, I'm seeing the same thing in you.”
Starlight sat up. “You're right. I shouldn't drag you down—”
“I wasn't finished,” Trixie interrupted, though she kept her voice soft as she tightened her hug a little. “I’m saying that, despite all the shit you give yourself, you've come a long way. I see how desperately you want to right your wrongs, but you've already done so much.
“In the short time we've been together? My stage show has become more popular than ever! So maybe it's time to cut yourself some slack? You're already hurting, no need to make it worse.”
“You know... I think you're right,” Starlight admitted. The truth, as always, was a bitter pill to swallow, but reflecting on her own worries about Trixie? It was a medicine she sorely needed. “I guess I should quit stalling and tell you about Sunburst, huh?”
“Is that the person the centre of all this hurt?” Trixie coaxed her on with a warm smile.
“Sort of,” Starlight relaxed back into Trixie's embrace. “When I was little, I was much too shy to play with other kids. Having speech development issues didn’t help, either. But there was one little boy who always stuck by my side.
“His name was Sunburst. He was such an adventurous kid! Always testing his limits; how high he could climb, how far he could jump, how many books he could stack before they fell over, that sort of stuff. He worked so hard to communicate with me, more than the teachers ever did – and he was super smart, too! I don't think I would've ever gotten past elementary school if it wasn't for him.”
“He must’ve been your best friend at the time, huh?”
Starlight nodded. “Yep. But then, right at the end of sixth grade, he took a test. I didn't know it at the time, but it was an IQ test. One day, he was there, telling me all these facts about the solar system and stuff; then the next day? He was gone. I’ve never seen him since.”
Trixie's jaw dropped. “Oh my gosh, that’s horrible! That must’ve seriously hurt you, didn’t it?”
“It still does today,” Starlight sniffled, her tears returning. “By the time I got to high school, I did everything I could to become popular. I followed every trend, every fad, every new thing that would make a kid cool – consequently putting down anyone who didn’t.
“And when Sunset Shimmer came along, stealing the top girl spot right under my nose? I had to go one step further. There was only one thing left to give; my body. And I gave it away to anyone who wanted me, no matter what gender they were. Of course, word got out, as if people needed a reason to hate me any further. For all those years, I pretended not to care, acting like the haters were below me. They weren't popular, so they weren't worth my time. I had to believe it didn't matter, that they didn’t matter.”
“But it did, didn't it?”
“More than I could say,” Starlight collapsed against Trixie's shoulder, sobbing harder than she ever had before. “And if it wasn't for Sunset's reformation? I might’ve stayed that way. Hell, it's a miracle that I didn't... didn't...” She couldn't say it. To admit she was on the edge of ending it all hurt more than the past four years combined.
Trixie didn't reply right away. She held Starlight close, rocking her back and forth as she poured her heart out.
“You know, it's kind of strange,” Trixie mused once Starlight calmed down. “Our lives have been so similar, yet so different at the same time.”
Through blurry, tear-stained vision, Starlight looked up. “Huh?”
“Don't mind me, Starlight,” she smiled. “Just thinking out loud about my dad. I'm happy to elaborate, but only if you’re up to it, okay?”
Starlight thought about that for a moment. The memories of Sunburst left her emotionally exhausted. She’d only stopped crying due to lack of energy, so giving Trixie nuanced replies was out of the question.
With some deliberation, she settled on a simple, yet honest response. “I can listen,” she said in a hoarse voice. “But I can't talk.”
“That's fine, Starlight,” Trixie nuzzled her. “I'll try to keep it brief, okay?”
Starlight nodded.
“Well, basically, I wasn't planned. Both my parents worked day jobs, but it was barely enough to keep their heads above water. So, you can imagine how, when they had me, they were in for a rough time.”
Trixie looked up at the ceiling. “It took us four years of saving just to get this house. I guess that's why my dad kept pushing himself to perform ever grander, more dangerous magic. If he could make it big, then we would be living the high life at last! But as you know, that's not the way it went.”
Starlight felt Trixie tense up from those last words. Alas, there wasn’t much she could say to help, other than squeezing her hand.
Trixie mimicked the gesture. “I only learned the reason for… that, after I turned thirteen. I learnt magic because, well, that's what we did. I genuinely love magic, I really do, but it's always scared me, in a way.” Trixe took a deep breath, her voice cracking as she fought for control. “It's more than about contributing. It's about fighting the system; to succeed at doing what I love and lighten my mom's load at the same time. I guess you could say, I felt a need to justify my existence to mum. Not because she said anything like that, but because I thought it was always implied.”
Starlight couldn't ignore the familiarity in Trixie's words. In a strange, twisted way, both she and Trixie were birds of a feather. Now, lying naked against each other, baring both body and soul? They became equals.
“Trixie...” she managed to squeak out. “I love you. No matter what happens, I'll always be here for you.”
“Right back at you, Starlight,” Trixie replied, the tension in her muscles dissipating. “You're amazing, you know that?”
“Takes one to know one,” Starlight smirked. “You know what? If I’ve earned an amazing girlfriend like you, along with the occasional naked—and sometimes clothed—date nights, too? I’m good enough as a person.”
“And if you can be the Great and Powerful Trixie’s number one assistant,” she held Starlight’s head between her hands and gave her a long, sloppy kiss. “Then we're good enough together.”
“Exactly!” Starlight giggled and pointed at her face. “There's the Trixie I know and love.”
“The one and only!” Trixie proclaimed, finally relaxing enough to stop shivering. “One last thing, though. You’re still everything I’d want in a girlfriend and more, sex or no sex. Alright?”
“Thank you,” Starlight blushed. “If I’m honest, it’s still a sensitive topic for me. But I trust you all the same.”
“Excellent!” Trixie clapped her hands together. “So, you wanna finish the movie?”
“Actually, it’s getting late. I think...” Starlight let out a long yawn, her eyes fluttering to a close. “I’m just gonna... rest here, for a while.”
“Sleep well,” Trixie replied. Giving Starlight one last little kiss, she gently stroked Starlight’s hair until she’d drifted off to sleep. “My number one assistant.”
She glanced at the TV screen. Trixie noticed where the movie was paused: just after a bloodied fist smashed out from underneath the rubble. She made a mental note to finish the Zomboid trilogy on their next date night.
If she thought this was silly, she'll be in stitches over Zomboid 3: Aliens vs. Zombies. Letting out a quiet chuckle, she grabbed a pillow and slid it behind her head. That’s better.
Stretching, Trixie ended her night with Starlight in her lap, letting her soft, rhythmic breaths lull herself to sleep.
Best. Date night. Ever.
Author's Note
This story makes reference to another Fluttershy X Tree Hugger fic I wrote, which you can read here: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/414543/sanctuary-from-myself
