The (un)Life and Times Of Specter Shift

“I-“

“Yes, Wilhelm!”

“But-“

“I know, but we can deal with that later!”

“Why-“

“Because Twilight Sparkle is dead and she isn’t likely to get better on her own.”

“What-“

“I’m going to fix dead.”

“Are-“

“No, I’m not psychic.”

“Then-“

“You were going to ask, in order, ‘I think we just jumped Princess Luna’, ‘But shouldn’t we go back and do something about it’, ‘Why not now’, ‘What are we going to do’ and, of course ‘Are you psychic’ and ‘Then what was I going to say’. Happy?”

Wilhelm sulked. Of course, being a cloak, this meant he just fluttered about in the wind that was whipping about Specter’s head less. Not to be confused with the wind whipping about the headless pony, that was an entirely different conundrum in the Everfree.

Specter had met him. Surprisingly nice chap, though a bit on the macabre side. Not that Specter had any right to judge, of course. He was, after all, currently sprinting faster than he was physically able. Whilst a dull, quiet voice at the back of his mind informed him he was going to be very sore tomorrow morning a much larger, louder voice at the front was screaming ‘Pain means you’re alive, moron, so you’re immediately better off at the moment than she is’.

Right. Focus. Battle cry.

Make it count.

Make it fierce.

The pale grey stallion charged off deeper into the forest and brought forth a loud combination of a wail and a hiccup.

Close enough.

“Captain.”

“Yes, Princess Luna.”

“Currently I feel that I dislike you with great intensity.” She said simply.

“How would you feel if I helped you up and put the kettle on, hrrm?”

“I might just-“

“I brought the mint tea.”

“Minty mint tea?” Luna pondered.

“The mintiest.” Aurora Borealis hoisted Luna to her hooves.

“All is forgiven then captain. Where, though, is the kettle?”

Captain Borealis, still meeting Luna’s gaze, idly bucked a single hind hoof into the door behind him. A metallic crack and a splintering creak were confirmation enough that he had ‘unlocked’ the door behind him.

“I do believe that rather fancy handshake of his,” He said simply, “Was invitation enough to share his humble abode for a

little while, hmm?”

“Captain, that is underhooved, dishonest and above all very courteous of you.” Luna admonished.

“Thank you, your majesty, I aim to please.”

“Why are we yelling?!”

“I have no idea!” Specter laughed at the cloak.

“We should probably stop then!”

“And why is that Wilhelm?!”

“Cause something might hear us!”

Specter’s dumb, determined grin faded into a thoughtful frown, his gallop slowing to a canter.

“You know what?” Specter said slowly, “You’re probably right about not wanting certain things in the Everfree forest hearing us.”

“Yeah, there are things worse than that cockatrice over-“

“Cockatrice over where, Wil?” Specter paused. His back felt cooler, heavier, than it had a few seconds ago. “Wil. Cockatrice. Right.” He groaned, massaging the bridge of his nose with a hoof.

He was absolutely not in the mood for this right now.

Specter turned, the weight of the stone mantle upon him restricting his movements enough to inconvenience him.

He simply couldn’t have that.

The grey stallion brought himself face-to-anywhere-else with the cockatrice, growling a little.

“Look.” He said through gritted teeth, “I realize you’re probably hungry, but my friend and I are off limits. I am having a very

bad day right now and I am not in the mood to put up with your shenanigans.”

The cockatrice hissed at him, slithering deeper past his peripheral vision.

“This is your last warning. Fix my friend and leave me be.”

The cockatrice paused in its advance and curled on itself, slinking backwards a bit. Specter wasn’t convinced.

His back still felt cold and heavy.

“And my friend?”

The cockatrice struck, uncoiling itself, leaping right into Specter’s face, eye to eye, bare inches away from the stallions muzzle.

Thump .

Specter rubbed his hoof as the chicken-snake-thing was sent sprawling.

“I told you I’m not in the mood right now. Come by my cottage later and I can give you a nice mouse or two, maybe some seed, but do not make me peeved.”

Specter paused for dramatic effect.

“You wouldn’t like me when I’m peeved.”

The fanged chicken head hissed and struck again, this time trying to sink its venomous beak into Specter’s neck.

“This is most delicious, Aurora. Have you gone soft on me?” Luna offered the hardened veteran a sidelong glance as she bit into the doughy brownie. “Because if you have you absolutely must give the recipe to the palace staff. This is most delectable indeed. Mm. I wasn’t even aware you could make caramel crisp like this.”

“I’m afraid, Princess, that my cooking ability is still limited to pouring cereal into a bowl, and even then.” He chuckled. “No, they were left in the oven. Looks like the necromancer had been baking them for quite a while, so whatever caused him to rush out like that was obviously very short notice.”

“Sudden disaster or not,” Luna took another orgasmic bite into the confection, “ ooh gomf this ish sho good,” she proclaimed, spraying crumbs, “The whelp still had the presence of mind to bowl me over and oom, oh, my goodness, I do not find myself quick to forgive. Oh, looks like that was it, may I please have another of those wonderous confections, Aurora?”

“I’m afraid not, Princess,” Aurora sighed. “He only made two, and I already ate one just to make sure it wasn’t poisoned.”

“Surely only a bite would have sufficed?” Luna asked sceptically.

“Princess, I may be one of the toughest sons-of-guns in all of Canterlot,” The Captain of the Night Guard said evenly, “But it would take a greater pony than I to have stopped  at just one bite.”

Luna paused and gazed at the floor from the comfortable recliner she sat in, wings drooped over the sides in disappointment. She heaved a Royal Sigh.

“Pity.”

“Well, what shall we do when the necromancer returns?”

“Captain, I do believe I could forgive him for the murder of one of the Elements Of Harmony themselves if it meant he’d bake so-“

“- There. I warned you. I warned you didn’t I?” Specter admired the craftsmanship of his brand new boa-tie. “Rather a fashion statement, don’t you think?”

The cockatrice hissed and moaned.

“Ah-ah-ah! Fashion should be seen and not heard!” Specter said with a mock Marehatten accent, “Besides, you look starning, dahling. Dahling, sweetie, dahling, dahhhhling..” Specter drawled.

The cockatrice fell silent.

“Much better.” The stallion declared with false mirth. Whilst the bubbling joy he displayed melted off him, it was so obviously fake that- Well, the cockatrice fell silent, let’s leave it at that.

“Now. Change the Changeling back before I decide you’d look much better in a double whinnysor knot.”

The cockatrice obliged grudgingly, Specter never taking his eyes off it.

The cloak on his back shuddered and giggled a little. The pony let out a deep sigh of relief.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he moaned as he untied the the cockatrice from around his neck, “You’ve just caught me at a really bad time, okay? I’m sorry I reacted as badly as I did and I hope you’re okay. Please forgive me?”

The chicken-snake stared at him in confusion.

“Look, I’ll- Oh, I know!” Specter plucked a feather from the cockatrice, ignoring its yelp-hiss, and doffed it in his mane.

“There, for my… Admittedly unnecessary retaliation,” Specter gave the beast a weak smile, “I owe you a favour. Anytime. I’ll know it’s you because I can tell by the feather, it’s got your, err, ‘signature’ on it.”

The cockatrice stared at him more, jaw agape. This was the strangest predator it’d seen.

“But,” Specter Shift’s voice turned deadly serious, “That also means I can track you with this. If you come after my friends? If you hurt anypony in some sort of misguided act of revenge?” Specter continued, his voice low, carrying with it the authority and finality of a crypt being sealed for its last occupant, “I will find you. I will show you no mercy. Please don’t make me do that. I really just want to be a nice pony okay?”

The monstrosity nodded fervently.

A broad grin split Specter’s face.

“Good! Remember, favour, anytime. I owe you, little guy,” he addressed the snake which had to be half again the size of the grey stallion, “Now, if we’re cool? We are? Awesome! Well, now that that’s settled I can go back to-“

He sighed and smacked his head with his hoof.

“-Right. Dead Twilight. Forgot.”

The cockatrice blinked as it watched the stallion sprint off. It blinked again when it came rushing back in the opposite direction with a sheepish chuckle.

‘If he ever tells the yellow Pegasus I did it again I am *so** doomed.*’ it gulped, slithering back into the underbrush to search for an easier meal.

Specter trotted into a clearing. That was the first thing that really made him wonder.

The Everfree forest didn’t have clearings.

It wasn’t until he saw the first scorch mark that really piqued his interest.

He wandered into the little oasis of sparkling light, shielding his eyes. It must have been nearing dawn, and his eyes were still completely unused to the light filtering through the dense foliage, let alone from an unobstructed view of the sky.

“The light, it burns us.” Specter hissed. He giggled at his own joke before remembering why he was here.

Serious face time. Activate serious face. No laughing at Twilight’s grave, idiot..

The grey stallion turned green. He was snapped back to reality by the nauseating smell, the buzzing of horseflies, the sickening aura… It was a feeling he knew far too well.

The stench of death hung low in the air.

Specter stared at the chunks of meat surrounding him, thin red paste he had first mistaken for light playing off an odd moss. Nope, just big chunks of meat.

Oh, Twilight… He sighed in resignation.

“Whoah!” Wilhelm cried as Specter turned in defeat, “What the heck is that thing?”

Specter turned back. He noticed for the first time, geeze, how unobservant am I anyway the charred and mangled corpse of a chimera in front of him. Well, the front half anyway.

The firebreathing half of it looked like somepony had rammed a bunch of fireworks down its throat and it sneezed. It had simply burst like an overripe blood sausage in the summer sun.

So maybe… Maybe this isn’t all Twilight’s!

He laughed maniacally, bouncing through the wreckage of the undergrowth, finding a barely scorched pack and a badly melted thermos. On closer examination the other half of the thermos was embedded in various rocks and trees.

Geeze, Twilight, what’d you try to do, bribe it with soup?

He quickly ran a few calculations in his head as Wil took in the scene around them.

“This is how things eat meat?” Wilhelm retched, “I’ll stick to love, thanks.”

“Please see that you do. Now, if the explosion happened here-“ Specter marked the ground with a stick he had found nearby in the underbrush, “And if the Chimera is now here-“ Specter drew a line towards the half a chimera. Did that make it a mix of two and a half different animals now? Specter shrugged, and drew an arrow in the dirt. “That means Twilight must be… Over here somewhere!”

He ran in the direction of the arrow, kicking up rocks and lichen and bramble and anything else that could possibly be obscuring the unicorn.

He finally found Twilight under a pile of bracken and branches, slumped under the base of a nearby tree. She appeared to be in almost perfect condition, almost as if she were sleeping.

Well, if sleeping ponies necks bended that way. Specter prayed they didn’t, for their sake.

Wilhelm whimpered and melted down Specter’s shoulders, rippling up his neck.

Glancing in a puddle of water formed from the dew of the leaves knocked out by Twilight’s… Impact, the Stallion noted his new dapper top hat and black tie.

“Oh, no need to be so macabre, Wilhelm!” Specter cheered, “She’s only dead!”

Wilhelm momentarily turned into a party hat, rattling around Specter’s head, before the realization struck him.

“Wait… Only dead?”

“Yes!” Specter jumped and bounced and skipped and laughed. “Only dead!”

“But… Then you were so sad when we first got here and thought she was-“

“Esploded! Yush!” Specter giggled drunkenly. “You can’t fix esplosioned.”

“But you can fix dead?” Wilhelm asked, in his Changeling form, standing beside Specter curiously.

“I have no idea!” Specter jumped up and down on the spot, rubbing his hooves together in excitement.

“But-“

“I DEFINITELY can’t fix esploded but she’s in good enough condition now that we have a chance Wil. That’s all we need! That’s all we’ll ever need!”

The Changeling nodded solemnly.

“No one ever gives us a chance do they?” it barely whispered.

“Nope!” Specter shook his head with a goofy grin, “That’s why, Wil old buddy ol' pal, we gotta make our own and take ‘em.”

“Makes sense.”

“I’m glad you think so!” Specter cackled before flopping down onto his haunches, tears in his eyes.

“Because I just realized I have absolutely no idea what I’m actually going to do now.”

A serpent slithered by a bizarre cottage in the heart of the woods. Smoke inside.

It was occupied.

Food.

Cottages usually were where ponies lived, and that really scary one earlier said he-

Was this his cottage?

Well, the cockatrice reasoned, he did say to come by here for food sometime, what’s the harm?

It slithered up to a window to peer inside. The white of its feather stretched down the snake's body, all the way to the tip of its tail. As it slid away as fast as its body could physically carry it, willing it to rush faster, the pale snake berating it for picking favourites of biological limitations over it.

Luna stared out the window. Seeing nothing new, she shrugged, and continued idly sipping her tea.

She could swear somepony was watching her just now…

Author's Note:

I wrote that Headless Horsepony joke literally a day before the last episode.

I know right?!