A Scientists Worst Nightmare.

by Explosive Reaction

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Adventure, Human, Comedy
Length: 16377

A young scientist is making a breakthrough when it all goes wrong and he's teleported to Equestria!

I am a young scientist, and a fanatical one at that. Most of my astonishing achievements in life started with me yelling FOR SCIENCE, yes out loud. To me, magic does not exist, its fictional, impossible and so is My Little Pony.

Though as a nerd, I love fiction and roleplay…and I guess My Little Pony is a little awesome.

Of course I still dream fantasies and still think it would be cool to go to Hogwarts or become a dragon rider but I for one would love to stay out of the land infested with magic and broken physics laws.

Too bad Irony is a bitch and has it in for me. That's why Fe is my least favorite element.

As some can guess I'm in the place that shall not be named, you all know where, but the story doesn't end there, oh nonono. There's a much bigger nightmare than this just waiting to ruin my life all over again.

It's a good thing I'm crazy, and German.

Oh!, was that racism? Sorry. I have nothing against sane people.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-03 03:33:41 UTC

Introduction: something goes wrong

Chapter one

Something goes wrong

"Ugg my calculations' are all correct but why wont it work!?!?"

A young man exclaimed to himself in German. It was late Sunday night and Halloween was tomorrow. Dozens of beakers and vials filled with liquids of all different colors scattered around in a chaotic glass rainbow of filled shelves and occupied counter tops surrounded him. A whiteboard that was absolutely bursting with math gibberish stood to the side to of a funny looking box shaped device about the size of a refrigerator. In the corner sat a tiny squished over computer area. Any surface that wasn't occupied with the containers was stacked high with pages upon pages of messily scrawled scientific notes and observations.

The man had scowl on his face and a stereotypical "Mad scientist" get up, complete with large black goggles that hid his eyes and large black gloves did likewise for his hands. A comical mad scientist style lab coat with the buttons off to one side was draped over his shoulders and followed his thin figure. Behind the coat hid black pants and big black boots. Instead of hair, it looked as if a black sea urchin adorned his head. All this gave him an overpowering stereotypical evil scientist look. Which was magnified since he stood hunched over the table mixing chemicals. Only pausing every so often to scrawl down another note on a half filled piece of paper and mumble sentence fragments to himself.

It was obvious he was frustrated and that he had been at this for a while and maybe that he had a crossed wire or two in his brain. He was me, and I talk to myself when I'm alone. I know.

My stomach grumbled as I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I hadn't eaten or slept in days, work was far too important. A sigh escaped my lips; this year I wouldn't be able to participate in the celebrations with my family or go trick or treating. I know, I know I shouldn't trick-or-treat, but its just awesome and If you think I'm too old for Halloween (Technically I am) let me remind you you're on a pony site.

My name is not important, for now just call me...er... my technical name is James...for now. I am a scientist and I had just got back from using the Switzerland Super Collider a few days ago and was about to make a breakthrough in quantum science. One that would surely be one of the biggest in history, or so i thought. The amazing discovery I was going to find was about particle physics and a lot about how atoms work.

I tipped a vial of glowing green goo into a beaker half filled with a cloudy translucent blue liquid. The mixture sat for a second then slowly faded to blood red, causing me to wrinkle my nose at its pungent, acidic smell but grin wildly.

"Eureka" I muttered under my breath. This was a moment of discovery. The correct solution, out of hundreds of tests was finally upon me.

Finally all this will pay off. My work, my effort and my time. I grinned wildly showing off my set of almost canine fangs. Someone was going to sleep well tonight!

Furiously scribbling down notes I thought about what I would do after this, you can't find a costume worthy of wearing at this late an hour and Oktoberfest was already over, but I could still make it to the family party. My family has a party with our relatives for almost all the major holidays. My little Pony would have to come later, since I was in Switzerland and cooped up here in my lab for the past weeks I didn't have time to watch it but I kept my self updated on the internet.

A new energy was with me and all fatigue forgotten as I poured the red liquid into a special capsule which looked like a high tech mug. I inserted the capsule into the refrigerator machine which is designed to do a whole wackload of cool stuff to any luiquid in the mug. It's hella useful for separating chemicals and I know it wasn't made for this but it makes a legendary cup of coffee. So you could call it a several million dollar coffee machine that doesn't

Two more ingredients were needed for the mix to work, one was a special element I discovered myself (though it is hidden from the public due to dangerous properties). Since its difficult for the element to exist for very long in a state of matter before burning away it had to be created directly inside the chamber, I know it sounds impossible but its...complicated.

I went to the computer, set the machine and flipped the switch. A slight hum emanated and the lights flickered as the machine charged the chamber. After an intense minute of waiting the machine spit out the mug.

The capsule came out and the liquid was a marble mass of orange and purple, I added a reactive acid and the "broth" of chemicals started to bubble. Out of the bubbles came little geysers of green fire that faded to blue. While taking a few notes the reaction really booted up. Tufts of green fire stopped winking out of existence and soon the beaker was filled with greenish blueish flames. By now the only thing I could use to describe the liquid inside was stuff, just looking at it made my skin crawl. The acid was needed to break down the chemicals and make them more susceptible to the last element the catalyst, an enzyme from a human brain. I'm not going to get into how it works right now, but trust me it's complicated and it wasn't easy getting the enzyme.

I picked up the tiny vial of donated human enzymes, popped the lid and used a tiny dropper to suck up the clear yellow liquid, only the smallest amount was needed. Ever since I had gotten this liquid It was my most valued possession, yeah, even more valuable than the million dollar coffee machine in the corner.

"Youre sacrifice will not be in vain" I wispered to myself.

As my stomach growled its complaints again today, It reminded me of when twilight had tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala. What kind of a name is that anyways? Jeez seriously, how girly.

I squeezed the dropper slowly...slowly...sloooooowwwwwlllllyyyyyy and a single, tiny, yellow drop forced its way out agonizingly slowly and clung to the dropper. So I squeezed some more and it just grew and grew but it refused to let go. It was really stupid of me but I gave the dropper a slight shake and the drop did nothing. I shook it more and it wobbled a bit but it was still firmly stuck. The stuff was like honey. finally when a fairly large shake was applied the drop finally fell.

and stuck itself firmly against the inside of the container.

" ARGG!" So close yet so far.

It didnt look like it had any plans about moving, and I didnt have any plans about sticking my hands or anything else into a dangerous flaming bunch of chemicals. So I picked up the dropper again and holding it above the capsule opening I squeezed.

"Damn thing is giving me more trouble than..."

The drop released

"PinkiePie when she-"

I didnt even get to see the drop land, as it was falling the mug spawned a dark aurora. The drop got closer and close but right before it looked like it was going to hit blackness took me.

A vague explosion sounded off in the distance.

Goddamnit drop why couldnt you just cooperate?

The night air felt cool on my face.

Lying face down spread eagle I came to. My eyes fluttered open and I couldn't see anything but black, total unrelenting black. Oh god, I'm blind! Raising my hands to my eyes I felt I still had my goggles on. So I stopped being an idiot and wiped off the black substance that had coated my goggles. Ashe.

I sat up looked right and saw a village which looked exactly like Ponyville, huh thats odd. Looking to my left I saw I was on the edge of the Everfree forest. Which I don't know how I recognized.

Uh oh. I thought. Maybe I shouldn't be so close to the Everfree forest, its dangerous. Better get to Ponyville.

My brain takes a long time to really kick in after over 48 consecutive hours of being awake

I made an effort to pick myself up and when my hand came to view I saw it was coated in soot and black ashes. I took a look at myself and found that i was filthy. My whole upper body was pitch black like Wile E Coyote when he took a stick of dynamite to the face and my lab coat was ruined. I was lucky all the debris was blown away from me

Weak from exhaustion I tried to get up but It hurt everywhere pretty bad so I settled for sitting up.

Wait a minute. I thought

A horrible feeling, I mean an absolutely horrid, shivers up you're spine, nails on a chalkboard feeling where something very big and obvious was completely 100% wrong, and I didn't know what it was. The rusty iron grip of such a feeling now made it difficult to draw breath. Not knowing things is a scary feeling for a scientist.

I reviewed my last seconds of inner dialoge.

"The everfree forest...."

WHAT???

"better get to Ponyville...."

Whipping my head around I saw what appeared to be Ponyville. Which again I don't know how I recognized.

now I usually dont swear too much but this was a special occasion.

"Oh hell no"

All the gears in my brain began to work again and my eyed popped open under my goggles.

"OH HELL NO"... "This can't be happening"

My brain was seizing up like a robot trying to comprehend love

Thousands of theories sprang into my mind, am I dreaming? am I dead? Is this inception? Is this the Matrix?

Of all the crazy and impossible theories i thought up there was only one theory I didn't even consider,

Am I in Equestria?

What a Nightmare...night

A "Little" Crazy

Chapter Two

What A Nightmare...Night

"This is not happening. this is Not Happening. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!" I kept repeating to myself.

People call me James, though that isn't my name, well it kind of is but it really isn't, I have alot of names. (I'all explain later, maybe)

Just a few minutes ago I was a normal scientist in a normal lab in a normal world, now I wasn't. After a huge experiment gone wrong I awoke in a large crater in the place that had previously been my lab. As I fully took in my surroundings, I didn't like what I saw. Most of the room I was in somehow traveled, no that's too nice of a word for the trip. It looked more like my lab was blown up, then dragged through half a dozen minefields. It used to be a building with all the run of the mill building innards. You know, with a concrete foundation and walls that still existed. Now? Now it was just...gone like everything. All that was left was a smoking crater and debris in the middle of some grassy field that wasn't there last time I checked.

Also I found the lack of it being effing cold outside, as per the usual where I live, disturbing.

Everything now lay in ruin at my feet, either one of the numerous burning piles of rubble or the one smoldering mass of twisted metal that could have, at one point, been my million dollar caffeine machine. Though I was too distracted to care about that right now, I was busy freaking out in the center of the destruction. The ground around the crater was littered with glass and splintered wood.

I scurried around, gazing in complete shock at what used to be my stuff. "MY LAB!, MY WORK!" and after I worked up the courage to look at what the hunk of metal was "MY BLING!"

"WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?" I bellowed to the heavens.

I didn't sign up for this!

I kept on looking over my shoulder and spinning and looking around expecting something to be there, trying to comprehend the full 360 degree scope of where I was. If you saw me from the distance, I must of looked like some twirling idiot. "HOW AM I HERE?" I thought aloud, very aloud. "OF ALL PLACES" Even though I was a brony I didnt relish the fact that I was now an Equestrian. How did I know, you ask? Well, lets just say I've read enough fanfiction to know where this is going.

There was an all out war in my head, on one side observations and evidence, on the other side was logic and reasoning, grinding together. Great, my two favorite things trying to decapitate one another, please wait while I put them back in their cages.

"Okay, C-calm down... nothings p-p-proven yet" I reasoned with myself in a shaky voice. Trying unsuccessfully to calm down. I mean it could not be Ponyville. Yeah, I'm just hallucinating. There's probably tons of random small villages with hay thatching on the rooftops and a...

I turned around and my spirits dropped.

...Lavish castle on a distant mountain with waterfalls that looks uncannily exactly like Canterlot does on the show.

right?...

Right!?...

RIGHT?!?!

(By the way, there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell I was going to look for Cloudsdale. My grasp on reality was already as weak as wet tissue paper by now.)

My fingers ran themselves through my hair, which was a black ashy rat's nest by now.Though somehow it was still spiking up in all directions. My nerves felt shattered and a sense of urgency stabbed me in the gut. The beating in my chest felt far too quick to be normal.

Thinking of what I could do about the situation where I was, the concluding answer seemed to be nothing. "fuck" I made the sound just to reassure myself that something, anything, here was still an entity I recognized. So realizing I wasn't accomplishing anything, I spied Ponyville, the random human village that had a remarkable likeness to Ponyville, not too far off.

"Okay" I said to myself. With nothing keeping me at the crater I straightened my now black and ruined labcoat and started towards Ponyville. Damn it. I started towards not Ponyville

It took me a while to reach NOT Ponyville, mainly because freaking out makes you walk slower and the fact that I twitched and jumped at every sound I heard. Honestly I don't know why. Its not like anything in this fluffy place could hurt me, right?

"Stop assuming its 'that' place" I commanded myself sternly.

It was an uneventful and calming journey, which gave me time to think. As I walked I systematically went through the chronological order of past events in my mind and recalculated my math calculations at least a hundred times just trying to work out what the hell happened.

Actually that's a lie, it was more like ripping my hair out and thinking: How how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how how HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Calming down is for wussies.

It resonated through my skull like bat chatter. Everything seemed perfect (to my bleary and tired mind at least), so what had gone wrong? How could a simple quantum physics experiment, okay, another lie. More like ridiculously complicated and confusing, experiment turn into a dimensional portal? One with the power to drag so much other materials with me and still create a fair crater of destruction?

More importantly why am I wondering about that? I should be asking why I was even in GODDAMN EQUESTRIA (Damn it, I mean, NOT in Equestria) to the point of fanatical obsession.

Upon reaching Ponyville damn. Not Ponyville I hid behind a building on the outskirts of town. My heart was and beating like someone had called for a drum roll; walking in I had noticed that there were numerous miniature horses (also known as ponies), in the town. Each one was differently colored than the last and multicolored on its own. That pretty much slapped me in the face and sealed the damn deal, this was a dream or a hallucination. Yep! That's the only explanation. (Denial is totally a healthy part of life right?) I can't believe how much I freaked myself out P'fff its obviously not real. Amirite guys? My real body is probably out cold from lack of sleep on the lab linoleum.

I recognized some of the background ponies and some must of been made up by my imagination. The town was immensely decorated with skulls, pumpkins and other scary Halloween pieces, a banner over town hall cheerily read "Happy NightMare Night!". Something didn't look right with the town though, a knocked over candy stand there, a string of skulls pulled off a roof here, you'd almost say there was a small panic in town.

All of the ponies I saw were considerably smaller than me but the're was tons and tons of them, all dressed in Halloween costumes. They were all different colors and patterns. Just looking at them I'm sure a seizure or two came on.

After hyperventilating it out for a few minutes behind a random building I finally buckled down to business and decided how I was going to play it out: This was a dream so all I had to do was wake up! Simple right? I pinched myself on the arm "Ouch" and looked around...still here. Well you know what they say, if at first you don't succeed, try try again. I started systematically pinching myself on one arm, the other arm, both arms at once, both legs...etcetera etcetera.

After some time spent in excessive pinching I began to panic again when I realized that it wasn't working. As it turns out its not that easy to wake up from a dream. Looks like I gotta play along for now.

"Okay..." I said to myself. "What do aliens do when they come to earth?... I mean...other than kill people, lay eggs in them, eat them, probe them, torture them...erm...(What was I getting at again?)...E.T. Phone home?... Oh, yes! Take me to your leader!"

That's what I have to do, get to Twilight, the leader of the main six and get some answers. The fastest way to do that? Find Twilight sparkle and the mane six of course, it should be simple. Yep that's my whole terrible plan, what else was there to do? I mean, there was probably a million and one other things to do and prepare for but for the life of me my so called "Genius brain" could not think of any and it seemed the most rational thing to do since without fail, all HiE stories start out that way. They couldn't all be wrong could they?

Celestia must have been trolling me then and there because I turned left to suddenly see a FUCKING NINJA PONY. (How long had he been there?) I yelped in a totally not girly way with jump and clutched my chest; that guy gave me a goddamn heart attack. For realsies.

The ninja pony was a brown colt in a ninja costume, evidently I knew he wasn't a real ninja because of the fact that he wasn't invisible and I wasn't dead. He was staring at me wide eyed and stunned in fear like a deer in a cars headlights. He looked like he was about to bolt. Uh oh.

Totally a bad time for this but I used this encounter to judge my general size in comparison to a pony's. As it turns out I am crazy big compared to them, they barely come up half my height. Not that ponies are small or anything...actually the definition of pony is miniature horse but I mean that they aren't ridiculously small, its just that I'm absurdly tall...almost seven feet and I made quite the imposing and evil looking figure. You wouldn't know the number of times I've heard the joke "Hows the weather up there?" Enough about me, lets get back to whats happening.

I held my hands up dissarmingly as a sign that I meant no harm. (not that he noticed, or cared) and looking down on him I pleaded. "Okay I know you're scared, but I need you NOT to scream" He simply sat there with his neck craned up almost vertical to look at me for a second before he answered with

"AHH! MONSTER! ANOTHER MONSTER SOMEONE HELP!" A simple no would have sufficed, drama queen.

One thing I didn't register at the moment was that he said it in English, and I had clearly spoken in German. By the way, I'm a German scientist and everything I said before here was in German and translated for your convenience. Yes I'm a German scientist and yes that was a stereotype but in case you didn't notice, we live in the twenty first century and German scientist doesn't translate into Nazi scientists...anymore.

"No pleas dont-" I was cut off as he ignored me and ran away screaming his head off, how rude. The celebrations and chatter of everypony stopped with a collective "huh?". Awww crap, fuck you ninja pony.

" Aww damn." I commented, taking off as fast as my legs would carry me. A stampede of hooves was coming in my direction and a large gasp emanated from the crowd as I burst from cover.

Twilight crouched in a dark alley, carefully placing candies in a line and setting a trap for Pinkie Pie. As she straightened her Starswirl the Bearded cap for the millionth time she heard some stallion in the town square scream.

"MONSTER! MONSTER! SOMEONE HELP".

Oh no, Twilight thought worriedly. She had told Luna to stay at the statue why had she come back into town? Twilight tore out the alley, the bells on her costume jingling merrily and saw a tall black figure run out from behind a building.

"What the heck is that thing?" she questioned.

A random pony in the crowd yelled "Its another of monster!" Great, she thought, Luna scares everyone then Dash pulls off a gigantic thunder strike heard from all over ponyville and now this!?

Chaos erupted on the streets of ponyville for the second time that night as ponies ran for cover. She could hear the monster yell what she thought must of been some type of roar, though not one she recognized as it ran around trying to avoid the destruction it was causing.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..."

I yelled as I dodged around ponies running left and right, what the hell was wrong with them?I knew they could see me. I was the one monolithic thing that was taller than everyone else so how is it possible they couldn't get out of my way? Really, I didn't expect my reception to go this bad, the town looked like Discord had come through. It was probably a good idea to leave considering the fact I was screwing everything up. So I began a "Tactical retreat" back to the forest.

You know, I never really took the time to find out how many hooves could step on your foot at once, but thanks to these ponies my feet will never be the same again. "OW OUCH! HEY!..."

"Now don' worry y'all. cus' I'all git that thing, whatever it is!" A clear and present piece of English in a familiar southern tinted voice stood out from the glass shattering screams of all the other fillies. SWEET CELESTIA NO. NO, JUST NO, no nop ehnope, ditch, abandon thread, GG. Aj is coming so make like an  apple tree and get out'a here.

My "Tactical retreat" quickly picked up speed. I weaved to and fro between the random colors of the ponies, trying not to get trampled or trample anyone (anypony?) as I made my getaway. In the general calamity everyone was freaking about about half as much as I was.

Daring a glance backwards I saw Applejack dressed as a scarecrow with rough patchwork clothing and hay inset into her mane and tail chasing after me and pushing through the crowd like a freight train (For me it was more like a fright train, she's scary). Applejack had a harder time getting around everypony than I did, considering everyone was running away from me and that I was running away from her.  I gotta say Applejack is fucking terrifying when shes out to get you; she's a lean mean apple bucking machine and she had a stamped approved warrant for taking my ass to the ground, no questions asked.

A continuous stream of swear words (English and German) flowed from my mouth as I made my escape. We reached the edge of town and I could see the forest, all I had to do was make it there in a final 100 meter mad dash and all Applejack had to do was stop me. With long strides I stepped over the tall grass, my long legs spinning like wind turbines as I ran. Nothing was in Applejack's way anymore, no ponies, no decorations and no walls. which really sucked because she was gaining on me fast. Being a scientist you can guess I don't go jogging very often (aka never). Loud hoof stomps broadcast the fury behind me coming from applejack. Stealing another quick glance, I turned around and found she was RIGHT BEHIND ME just about to chomp down on the hem of my trailing lab coat. In a last ditch effort I pointed in the general direction behind her and yelled in my best English "VAT DA HELL IS ZAT?!?!"

Instinctively she whipped her head around to look which was the second I needed to make my getaway. (Damn Mcfly it actually works!) I laughed maniacally as I escaped into the forest. A fading exclamation of "Consarn it!" told me that she was falling behind and had given up the chase.

"And the brain beats the brawn!" I yelled back, still not believing what I had just done. Having just run faster than I ever did in my entire life and even though I was pretty sure she stopped chasing, I maintained a labored jog. Bushes and shrubs clawed at my legs, ruining my pants. There was a faint, almost inaudible crying that I could barely hear over my own breathing.

Concentrating on the sound I slowed down to a limp and was breathing heavily but I could definitely hear some sobbing now.

Between still breathing heavily, somehow managing not to trip and looking over my shoulder in paranoia to make sure Applejack wasn't following me, I was kept busy, at least up until I came out on a large clearing, tripped over a root and abrubtly fell on my face. Without the strength to dredge myself up I decided to catch my breath on the ground

Luna had heard the commotion comming from the town, yells and screams of stallion and mares alike. Oh joyest pehaps they found something else to be afraid of, she thought to herself sarcastically. She didn't get up to go see what was happening. We just want to be alone. For a while now she had been crying. Why couldn't they understand that she wasn't Night Mare Moon anymore? She just wished maybe someone would come along, someone who could understand how she felt and could make the situation better.

Suddenly as if in response a rustle of steps came from a bush at the edge of the clearing. She looked over and a weird black bipedial creature popped out and fell upon the ground, gasping and gulping for air.

Jame's amazing crash to the cround was interrupted by a gasp he heard ahead.

Oh no not again I thought.

A clopping sound approached me and I looked up straight into the face of a Alicorn mare with a dark blue mane that had shining stars in it and an even darker coat. She had puffy eyes and tear streaks on her cheeks but was looking down at me with an intense interest now. The weirdest part being I knew this pony from...somewhere..I just couldn't remember where. Even by the standards of insanity I was experiencing in this nightmare of a night she was abnormal and for a second I was frozen until I found my voice.

"Wait....don't....run....away...." I managed to get out between huge breaths of air.

The mare just tilted her head and stared like I was speaking a different language. Oh wait, I was. "I'm...sorry?" She said hesitantly.

Then it hit me: I was speaking a different language. (mental face palm) These ponies spoke English, and I had been speaking in German the entire time. "Oh nein, das ist nicht gut." (Translation, German for: oh no, this isn't good.) I don't know if you can guess but I don't speak English very well, being a German and all that. Yes, I can speak it but I usually don't because I sound absolutely horrid.

Consciously searching for the right words and pronunciation, I braced myself for the unruly "Germinglish" that was about to be wreaked. I sniffed, sat up cross legged and wiped the blood from my nose one last time before I started running through my line up memory of English.

"Ahem...Vait do not ran avay" My speech came out with German accent laid thick with a ladle and had the impression that I had never spoken a word of English my entire life. At least that's what I think. (Hangs head in shame) Why?...Why didn't I take more time to learn English?

Having to concentrate on how to pronounce words irked me, I was a renown scientist for god's sake! An upstanding mind of the twenty first century and I'm confounded by the pronunciation of TH and W? Bah! What annoyed me more, though, is the fact that I had really focused and It still sucked.

And wait, isnt it racist that ponies speak in English? because I happen to watch My little Pony in German. Apparently the universe hates me that much that it won't acknowledge there are bronies in other cultures too. Ain't that a bitch?

She reared back at my request "Creature, thy can talk?" and just like that my train of overactive thought was broken. A new train of thought promptly steamed into it's place. What?, Why was she speaking olden English and why did I recognize this voice? At the time I was glad someone finally would listen to me, but honestly, my attention was directed more to my bloody nose and horrible English.

Holding up a finger to pause the conversation, if you could call the measly exchange of words that. I breathed deeply, trying (and failing) to get my heart rate back to normal and simply answered. "Ja"

I noticed her mane was flowing slowly in a nonexistent wind but didn't want to push a question, yet. It unsettled me though. Something was obviously different about this mare that I couldn't put my finger on. (Other than the floating hair)

"Why woulds't we run away from thee?" She questioned.

"Veil, evryvon els did, Im sure you heard de screams" I said bitterly while sitting up with another sniff, but for some odd reason she seemed to take solace in that. I wondered why instead of running, she decided to talk to me.

"Creature What is thee?" Luna asked, noticing my extended limbs, fingers and straight, upright build.

"Before Ict tell you zat let me introduce my selph so you can stop calling me 'creature' hmm?" I replied irritably. She blushed and smiled, embarrassed in a cute way.

"We are sorry" There's the olden English again! but for some odd reason she also refers to herself in a plural form. C'mon brain think! I'm pretty sure she's important.

"people call me James, und I am a human. Vats you're name?"

She seemed taken back a little by my introduction and paused to mull something over, finally she looked up and said, "Luna" H'mm that sounds familiar, too familiar.

"From where do 'humans' hail from?" She said while tucking her legs under herself and lying down.

My spirits dropped. "Ve...ve're from... somevere else...maybe anoser vorld maybe in anoser galaxy...faa faa avay..." Too bad I was too sad to even be able to enjoy my own star wars reference. I didnt want to think about how far from home I was at the moment so, looking up at the moon, I changed the subject.

"Vy are you here? Should not you be celebrating Nightmare night viz de rest of de ponies?" I said in an attempt to keep my eyes from watering, though if they decided to betray me she wouldn't be able to see it anyways since my goggles were still on.

Her expression saddened "No, the ponies shun and hate me, I have no friend in Equestria aside from Twilight" I turned to look at her, she was looking at the moon too and a pained and sad expression hung heavily on her face. A tear, the follower of many, escaped her eyes and ran down her cheek. She sniffled. Despite the serious sadness going on here I almost yelled out "YOU KNOW TWILIGHT!?!? TAKE ME TO HER NOW!-er-PLEASE!" But I didn't, because I'm such a sensitive guy.

We were sitting side by side. "Zat zounds alot like mii" I turned to her. She turned to me with surprise registered on her face,

"What?"

"Ja."

I had to spill the beans to somepony, the weight of keeping it all in was crushing me. "I vas home just a few minutes ago. Heh, much can change in so little time." I reflected with wisdom, something that for me usually comes once in a blue moon.

"Vorking on a major scientific find, zen at de last part somesing...vent vrong und it exploded in my face" I continued, gesturing to my soot smeared appearance " ...und now I'm here, srown into a vorld I don't know, being called a monster und run out of de town, forced to shpeak 'nglish...und vith no vay back home-"

I choked on my last words, water springing to my eyes. I had to let it out all the pent up anxiety that occured in the last minutes of my life. What's going to happen to my family? Friends? What does the future want to do with me next?

I didn't want to believe it but I knew the words rang true, no way back. Talking seemed to really be admitting what had happened because inside I had denied it all this time, said that it was wrong, a dream. Now that I had openly stated that it did in fact occur, it was impossible to beat around the bush any longer. It hit me like a bus. I was in Equestria and home was impossible. It was all upside down, backwards and happening way to fast. Tears began to form in my eyes and pool in my goggles.

"Vats your story?" I said through a sniffle. Turning to see Luna's face, her eyebrows were knit together in a sympathetic gaze.

She looked away. "Long ago we used to be celebrated and loved." Her head rose to gaze at at the moon, lost in memory. "An aincient evil took its grip on our soul, transforming us into a horrible beast of hatred and we were banished. The evil controlled us and we were trapped within our own body for years until harmony hath set us free from our prison" Tears flowed freely down her face again and she hung her head. "Now we are no longer loved by anypony and feared by all and-" She looked up at me. Without realizing it, I was  staring at her intensely, turning over and trying to figure out her story as well as mine.

"Alone" Luna finished.

Her story freaked me out, like seriously. I thought this place was all rainbows and sunshine but what the heck kind of story was that? And why the hell did I feel like I definitely knew this story. It felt like anyone else in this situation would have the answer in an instant but not me, I'm only an eccentric scientist, its not like its my job to be smart or anything.

There was something I was missing, some vital situation changing piece of information that was so blatantly obvious I should have known it from the start but things like that always seem to elude me. It has often been said that I am the smartest idiot alive.

We were both looking at each-other, both crying, both shaken. Luna looked like she was on the verge of a total breakdown and I was. I reached out and pulled her into a much needed hug and felt hooves and wings wrap around me as she hugged me back tightly. Luna  finally cracked and sobbed openly into my shoulder. In humorous contrast my goggles filled with water as tears leaked from my eyes and there was much sniffling done by both of us, I contributed more though as it was a top priority to not let any blood seep from my nose onto the strange mare.

I only wish I hadn't been such an idiot and remembered to take my gloves off before holding this pony because I couldn't feel her through them. That should be your number one thing to do in Equestria, snuggle a pony (Preferably Fluttershy). Or grab the first pony you come across and just rub your face against it, from what I've heard the're supposed to be the softest things ever, and actually, on second thought, don't shove your face on the first one you come across, wait till you have an excuse, otherwise you're just weird. Weirdo.

We held the position for a while; until we both calmed down except for the occasional sniffle.

My stomach interrupted the hug-fest by growling loudly and we pulled away. Luna gave a tearful smile and giggled. I smiled back at her, blushed and chuckled, the hearty sound filled the clearing and warmed the chill night air; her face had soot smeared over it and my shoulder was a bit cleaner. I felt better after that and I could tell she did too.

We stood up and I pulled my goggles off my eyes for a second to let all the tears flow out. When we were both at our full height Luna's head reached my chest, not including the horn.

"Perhaps we (by we she meant me and her this time) shall goeth to ponyville to eat?" Luna suggested.

"I vas just run out of town, zey vould probably just scream and chase me avay again" I told her

"Not whilst I am with thee" What kind of logic is that? Two things feared should be worse and what was with this olden English thing?

"I guess its worth a try" Why did I say that? Together united through experiences we started towards Ponyville, talking along the way.

"Luna vats vis your hair?" I said eyeing it constantly flow about and refuse stay still, another impossible thing about this world to add to the list.

"What is wrong? Does thee not find it suitable?" She glanced back at her hair.

"No you're hair is good and all its just zat, vhy vont it stop...moving?." I set my jaw and furrowed my eyebrows at it. "Vait just let me..." I bat her hair away with a flicks of my wrist, maybe trying to beat some sense into it. Her hair responded by listing away lazily. "Hmmmm"

"Hey!" She protested.

"Don't vorry, your hair is fine." I seized a rogue lock floating away from the rest and examined it. Her hair turned out to be made up of tiny filaments, more than a thousand times as thin as human hair (In my expert opinion), but when grouped together there were no seams, it became one uniform sheet. It was almost as if water had been spun into a thread. "Vat de heck..."

She turned back and used her mouth to yank her hair back. "I know not why it floats"

I looked at her like she was crazy "Vat? how could you not know you're own hair?"

She did a pony shrug, which is hard to do when you need all four appendages to walk "It started this year and I do not notice it much"

I just shook my head and sighed, ponies.

While we were walking I finally noticed her cutie mark, it looked like a black smudge on her flank with a cresent moon on it. Where have I seen that before and why is she so familiar? Thankfully she didn't notice me behind her, walking within the perimeters of "Too close" to study her hair and "dat plot" some more. No I'm not a "Interested", I'm legitimately curious about what her cutie mark means. Legit.

"Oh ja I almost furgot you got some ash un your face" I said pointing to her muzzle as we neared ponyville.

"What does thy mean?" She asked then rubbed her face with a wing and looked at it. "Thine almost let us walk in public with ash upon our faces?!" she exclaimed, turning on me.

"Vell I remembered didnt I?-Ow hey!" She playfully threw punch at me after rubbing her face with both hooves, one at a time of course. She got most of it but there was still some there.

We talked and talked until we arrived at Ponyville. At the edge of tow I sighed and paused reluctant to walk in but Luna kept on pacing confidently strait into town. As I followed I saw ponies in town gawking, hiding, bowing and all sorts of things but at least no one was screaming. Though I don't know if silent horror and shock is worse than screeching (It's definitely is easier on the ears though) so I'm not one to judge.

Finally as we came to the middle of town and everypony bowed at Luna. What was this? why were they bowing?  Luna reared up on her hind legs with her wings flared out and in the loudest voice I don't believe is possible she bellowed.

"CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE, WE AND OUR COMPANION WISH TO BE SERVE -" She was cut off as I took my hands off my ears and clamped them over her muzzle and held it shut. The hell was with that voice?

"Sorry, ehe, ve just vant a little food to eat, heh mabe some candy?" I yelled outward to the stunned crowd hopefully, after all it was the pony version of Halloween and I knew that being ponies, they would have ridiculous amounts of sweet treats. Quickly turning to Luna I whispered "Vat vas that?!?"

Something I had said or done was wrong because the entirety of Ponyville gasped as I did this and just outright stared at me with baited breath, wide eyes and jaws that hung all the way to the ground.

"Vat, is somesing vrong?" I addressed the crowd again. A long awkward silence occurred. In which Luna tried talking and pulling her muzzle out of my hands but was unsuccessful because I just held on tighter. Then one of the front ponies dressed as a mouse finally came forward and stammered out.

"Y-you're ho-holding p-p-princess L-L-Luna's muzzle."

That's why she was so familliar, it only took me a second to make the connection after that. SHIT, SHE WAS LUNA, THE PRINCESS, NIGHT MARE MOON. Seriously how had I not seen it? She was a goddamn alicorn for Christ's sake! There are ONLY TWO alicorns and I somehow managed to forget one. The dumbest part is I noticed her horn and wings but somehow never her horn and wings TOGETHER and thought alicorn princess, I am such a dummkopf. Please remind me later to punch myself in the face. Seriously, I mean that's the straw that broke the camel's back?

I turned to her and still holding her muzzle yelled "YOU"RE LUNA?!?" She responded with a tiny nod that I felt in my hands and suddenly I remembered that I was clamping her mouth shut. "OH SHIT" I whipped my hands away from her mouth leaving black smudges of ash on her muzzle.

"uh sorry?" I smiled innocently, I am SO screwed. Luna was glaring at me with the fury of a thousand moons, if that makes any sense.

In a hopeless (and poorly acted) attempt to brush it off I shrugged waved my hand nonchalantly, as if I hadn't just clamped my hand over fifty percent of Equestria's ruling class "Everyvon makes mistakes, no hard feelings right?"

She opened her mouth to talk when a flash of rope passed my eyes. Suddenly my arms were bound to my sides and I was yanked backwards. I caught a glimpse of Luna's surprised face as I flew, before I fell down heavily and conked my head painfully on the stone street. Applejack was on top of me lightning quick and I wrestled to get free but only managed to acquire bumps and bruises from the road. Quickly I found myself hogtied and unable to move. Oh no.

"Finally got th' slippery critter" Applejack said, standing up and grinning proudly. I was facing up and able to see Luna and Applejack. Oh god no.

Wincing and curling over from the pain I forced out more of my nonchalant act. " oi....Jahoy farm pony...Ah.... it's not too much troble to untie me is it?" I asked calmly from the ground of which I had been so rudely introduced to. Then promptly curled over and closed my eyes trying to block out the head trauma. "Ima feel zat in the morning"

When I opened my eyes again Luna stood directly over me. I looked up at her. "Hello" I gave a smile "Can you ask her to let me out?" Applejack suddenly looked perturbed at our friendly and nonviolent conversation.

"Is thy alright?" she said worriedly.

"Ja...I sink so...but may I ask..who are you?" Luna was suddenly wide eyed and visibly pale. " Just joking, I'm fine" I quickly added. I guess that joke was a little too far.

She sighed in relief. "For but a moment thy had us deceived" A very confused Applejack stared at the odd back and forth between us and tried to make sense of it all.

Luna looked down at me and slowly grew a creepy as hell smile that no princess ought to have the right to bear. "I think I like you better this way" She said in true Molestia fashion. I began to worm my body and wiggle in the ropes trying in vain to get away. Luna burst out laughing as I struggled against the rope that bound me.

"Erm...Ya mind tellin' why you're chitchatting with the what-ever-it-is I just tied up?" Applejack finally cut in.

Once Luna settled down she told a confused Applejack "Tis fine, Applejack thy may unbind him, he is no monster, he is mine friend"

"What? this'here things you're friend?" At this point would've been fun to say 'No I'm mind controlling her' at that moment but I decided not to on the off chance that she would believe me and keep me prisoner. I kinda like not being tied.

I answered her for Luna "ja ve're comrades now can you untie me please?" Applejack complied.

"Sorry, y'all right sugarcube?" She asked as I stood up and dusted myself off as best I could, not that it mattered though because the soot from the explosion looked like it somehow pierced the fibers of my lab coat and dyed it black.

"Ignoring the concussion" I shot her a look. "I'm okay guess" I said while rubbing the growing bump on the back of my head and my now bruised butt and trying to salvage my mancards. If that was even possible in this land of pony friendship and rainbow sunshine. Applejack was really strong, I mean like seriously stronger than me.

I stood up to full height she craned her neck to look up at me, transfixed. "Whoa, you're even bigger up'close aintcha?"

"Yes I'm big, pleased to meet you too, Apeljac" The sentence was served with a double extra side of sarcasm.

With a forced smile I extended a black glove to her and she eyed my fangs warily but took my hand in a firm hand/hoof shake that left a black mark on her hoof. Which she stared at disdainfully.

"Now ah'm not one ta' shirk from a little dirt but if I were you I'd wash ma'h hooves before touchin' anypony else."

My stomach rumbled loudly again, once again reminding me how I neglect eating sometimes. I guess it was a good thing I happened was beside one of Ponyville's biggest food suppliers. "You don't happen to have any food  do you?"

"As long as yer Content with the knowledge that Applejack probably had tons of big red juicy apples to spare I grinned wolfishly and looked forward to crunching on one soon enough. I was hungry enough to eat a horse. (Not literally of course)

I suddenly realized everypony was still shaking in their costumes at the sight of us and still had their big eyes with fixed on us, unable or unwilling to look away. Slowly leaning over to Applejack and Luna I spoke out of the corner of my mouth. "I sink ve should Ahem hit ze road." Badum tshhh! Total silence rolled over the area, and it was so quiet you could hear a, wait for it...........aaaaaaand there's the bad joke cricket.

They both shot me a look. "Vat? it vas funny!" For some odd reason they weren't laughing, I suppose that's the definition of a tough crowd.

"Yeah, no. Sorry but that' a pretty bad joke" Ouch.

"Thine jest fails to inspire laughter." Double ouch

"We'd better shove off" Applejack commented, then addressing the crowd she raised her voice. "Sorry everypony for th'scare...we'll be off now I guess." She said awkwardly "C'mon lets get to sugarcube corner".

The three of us left the stunned crowd. I didn't know where I was going really so I just followed Applejack "So" She began "You got a name or sumthin?"

"It'd be simpler to just call me James" I answered plainly.

"Uh huh..." She didn't look pleased with my answer. "Do ya got any other friends besides Luna?"

"Not in this dimension" I answered plainly, again. Now she definitely wasn't liking my answers

"Erm...ah dont think ah'm followin' ya"

I gave a tired sigh and my shoulders drooped before Luna cut in "We think he would rather not answer thine questions right now."

Applejack took the hint "Oh uh sorry, didnt mean t'get in on personal matters, though yer gonna have ta talk sooner or later"

"Zats okay Apeljac" I shrugged dismissively, thankful that I didn't have to explain things again, yet.

We rounded a corner and I found myself staring at a giant gingerbread house "Is zat Sugerqube corner?" I mumbled, dumbfounded.

"Yep it is" Applejack answered proudly

I marvel'd at all its candy-ocity, it was sprinkled with sprinkles, laced with frosting, lined with gumdrops, lollipops, bubble gum and just about any other candy you could imagine, and maybe even some you couldn't.

Made sense why Pinkie Pie worked there.

I was so hungry I felt like I could eat the whole thing but I only had a few seconds to enjoy the view before a purple aurora suddenly engulfed me and I felt a tingling sensation around my whole body as the ground fell away. Contrary to popular belief, I didn't feel weightless, the magic felt more like it was supporting me very gently. "Oi! Oi! vich vone of you is doing zis?"

Panic set in as they turned around and widened their eyes at the spectacle that was me. I was slapping and sweeping my arms down my body as if I was trying to dislodge thousands of spiders crawling up me. "Get it ooooooffff meeeee" The tingling sensation grew to an irritating almost ticklish feeling and as if in response to my command I was sent screaming flailing through the air. It didn't tingle as much when I slammed into a wall with a sickening crack, though I didn't know if it was bones or boards snapping.

Slumping to the ground like a bag of potatoes, upside down, mind you, "Ow" was all I could say before the mysterious light took me again and I knew who it was.  Waving my arms to what would be generous to call maneuvering in the air, I scanned for a lavender unicorn and locked on to her across the street, her horn was glowing like a beacon.

"ZWIELICHT! ZWIELICHT! ZWIELICHT! STOOOOOOOOOOOP" Her magic cut off mid air and I tumbled to the ground, collapsing in a heap and getting a mouthful of dirt at her hooves.

Groveling under another pony for the third time tonight, this was happening way too often.

My mouth tried to form comprehensive words like 'What was that for??" but all that came out was what a garbled and quiet version of, "oooooohhhhggggg, se pain" As I grabbed my head and rolled over to nurse myself, Applejack's accented voice pierced the thick vale of head trauma.

"NO TWILIGHT HE'S A FRIEND" She yelled while I simply kept my eyes closed and held my pounding head

"Vy dos Equestria 'have to urt so much??" My dull mumbling snapped Twilight's attention back to me. I've had some pretty bad hangovers but this was ridiculous, overkill, beating a dead horse with a stick. Pun intended.

"oops sorry, I thought you were somepony else a-." Though her voice was close initially, it quickly drifted away and I was gone by the end of her sentence.

I began to drift off somewhere else, somewhere more cloudy and soft and less violent. Time seemed to slow as I found myself floating surrounded by what looked like white ethereal "clouds."

There I saw an...an entity, for lack of a better word. At first it was just a black cloud, as far as I could tell it was the only one. Suddenly it began to change, morphing into the form of a black, cloudy, sleeping mare in a curled up position. As if waking up it lifted its head and began to look at me. its-no, her eyes were like windows to a stormy and interior. For a second I didn't know what to do, it was all a cloudy haze (literally) I tried waving to her but she didn't respond at first, she started to study her hoof as if it was the first time she was seeing it. Eventually it tried waving back to me but before we could establish any further contact two hooves suddenly seized my shoulders through the fog and dragged me out of the clouds.

"James! James! compromised be your health?" Jesus, that Shakespearean English doesn't let up does it. I was abruptly brought back into the conscious world. Opening my eyes I saw Luna was holding my shoulders and jerking me back and forth hard enough to give whiplash. Reality flooded back in and with it, all the aches and pains. My senses whined to go back to the dream.

"Aw hell I'm back here" I said groggily. "Couldn't you let me sleep?" She was griping my shoulders tight enough to leave marks somehow with one hoof each "Und yes I am alive you can let go now" She suddenly realized she was still holding my shoulders and quickly backed off, leaving me fall on the ground again.

I turned to Twilight who grimaced at me, guiltily. "Vat se hell vas that for?" Somehow I managed a commanding tone from my position lying face down spread eagle at her hooves. These ponies were lucky I wasn't an evil villain and just looked like one, I'd be vengeful as fuck, but I'm a better guy than that so I guess they're safe. (for now)

Twilight bowed her head. "Sorry, I thought you were the monster from before"

I face palmed and and groaned for two reasons, one because I'm an idiot, "I am de sing from before just zat i'm not a monster, you ponies overreact to everysing!" and two because I'm an even bigger idiot for slapping my already throbbing and painful head.

"Now sugar cube ah think that aint the smartest thing t'say see'in how you're surrounded by ponies" Curse Applejack and her ability of observation.

"Safest perhaps inside we would be lest any otherpony believes that James is a creature of evil" Luna suggested in an impatient tone.

The realization hit me once she said it "Shit, you're right I don't vant to go shrough zat again" I shuddered at the thought of what Rainbowdash would do.

All four of us quickly made our way to the restaurant bakery, or should I say 3 of us quickly made our way to Sugarcube Corner and one of us limped along at the fastest pace he could manage. Glancing to where I hit the building, I saw a sizable man shaped depression on the wooden boards and frowned.

Making sure not to hit my head on the top of the door frame, I ducked inside. The shop was empty because everypony was out celebrating, well, if they weren't too busy running and screaming their heads off I thought.

When I walked in the three mares were sitting around a table, just the way a human does and I collapsed like into a chair, letting my body limply rest on the table. I felt horrible, tired, hungry as a hungry-hungry-hippo, beaten like a piece of metal, a little charred and still covered in ashes. Closing my eyes, I forced it all out but I could feel all three of them staring at me. The tension was so thick you could bottle it and sell "bottled tension" for those moments when you realize being comfortable around people (ponies?) is overrated.

"I look amazing dont I?" I mused sarcastically.

"Well, its not too bad but" Twilight started but Applejack cut her off.

"It looks like ya got hit with a train" Thanks for being honest I guess. Weary of my situation I sighed and mumbled

"Zis isn't a dream, its a nightmare..."

"Huh?" One of them said, but I couldn't really distinguish who, my ears were still fuzzy from the crash.

"Nosing" I mumbled back. "Is zere anysing to eat? I'm starving, literally" As if in agreement my stomach let out what could be considered a small roar.

Twilight spoke up "Pinkie has some cakes here you could eat" My mood instantly brightened.

"really? but don't I need to pay?" Suddenly I was sitting straight as a pin and fully alert.

She waved a hoof in the air "Nonsense its the least I could do after I used my magic on you."

Luna also chimed in "And I am sure Pinkie pie" she said the name with some distaste "will understand"

"Vunderbar!" I grinned and hoisted myself out of the chair only to find out my legs were jelly. They folded like a deck of cards and soon I found myself on the ground again. "Damn, so close" Delicious cake was only ten feet away but  it might as well have been at the end of a Zubat infested Pokemon cave for all the chance I had of getting it.

"Here I'all get it" Twilight piped up. "You look like you've had a rough night" She then preceded to levitate all the appropriate plates and silverware out of the cupboards and distributed them among everyone as I climbed back into my seat.

"And once again sorry for...well you know." Then she levitated a plain one layered blue cake onto the table.

"Sank's Zweillight" Don't worry guys its cool, I got hurt, I got some cake its all fine.

She cut the cake into slices then levitated the pieces and served everypony (and one human). Before I dug in though, I stared intensely at the cake, there was no telling what kind of flavors might be in the there and considering Pinkie pie, I didn't want to risk a hot-sauce flavored dessert.

"James they have cake where you come from dont they?" Applejack asked.

"She made zis cake didnt she" As if it was a bomb I gingerly prodded the cake with my fork

"Who?"

"De. pink. von." I proclaimed in a tone that would be more suitable mentioning 'he who shall not be named'.

"Oh, ya mean Pinkie Pie?"

"Ja" Pinkie pie is the Cthulhu of the science world and I was fine with her existence as long as she stayed a fictional character but now that it was possible for her to get close and physically touch me? *Shudder* I dont want to think about it.

Applejack and Twilight both looked at Luna for answers but she just shrugged so they turned to me with questioning eyes. They were met with silence though as I didn't notice their puzzled looks. I was busy weighing one of the biggest decisions in my life, whether or not to eat this cake. On one hand the cake was made by Pinkie, the bane of science and well, science happened to be my whole life, if my calculations were correct (Which they almost always are) I would eat this cake and explode. (Don't ask me how I know that) But on the other hand, I was hungry.

There might have been something funny pinkie does to her pastries that might be poisonous to humans but I was really hungry.

According to the laws of opposing forces I could rip the fabric of space by touching her and that effect might extend in some manner to food she prepared, but I was really really hungry

She might have used some sort of telepathic dough to make me paranoid about eating her cake-

"Ahem, James?" Twilight's voice snapped me back to reality.

"Yes?" Hastily I returned to a normal sitting position as if I wasn't just judging whether eating the cake would end the universe.

"What in Equestria is a 'Regal-Underbreker'" Twilight asked.

"And ya mind tellin' us what's so mezmerizin' bout that cake?" Applejack added.

"We are confused." Luna added.

" It's pronounced Regel-Undterbrecher und it's unimportant. As for the cake, I vas just deciding vether ze space time continuum is vorth satisfying my hunger" I absent minded stated, as if it were no big deal. (It was)

"Well, is it?" Twilight asked suddenly seeming concerned about my mental health.

It got real silent in my brain, which doesn't happen often."........You voul'd not like my answer" I said while taking a bite of the cake. Dont know why but suddenly Twilight had the face of a pony that was really ticked off.

The cake was delicious, soft, moist, the icing was sweet and sugary, it tasted like cotton candy and it melted in you're mouth. "Whoa" I exclaimed through a mouthful, throwing my hands up and moaning. Pinkie was without a doubt the best baker ever despite her, well, pikiness.

A sense of alertness passed over me as the near lethal amounts of sugar entered my veins, feeling revitalized, a zen-like state of clairity passed over me from the sugar rush. Having not eaten for days, sugar filled cakes was just the pick me up I needed. Yeah, I'm weird like that.

I was sucking the stuff up like an industrial vacuum cleaner and already on my fourth piece when Twilight piped up. "So James if you're not a monster what are you?" She said, looking at me with her keen, intelligent, purple eyes as I ate cake like the cookie monster eats cookies, I noticed Applejack and Luna were also watching me with curiosity, apparently I'm a curious person. Holding up a gloved finger, I put down my fork, swallowed my mouthful of sugary goodness and opened my mouth to speak.

Luna launched into the discussion before I could "James is a 'human' and he is from a different world"

Twilight's eyes widened in surprise "Really? How did James get here?"

"Zat's vat I vant to find out." I said, cutting in.

Twilight thought for a second before asking. "What do you mean, did someone bring you here?"

Taking a serious look at her I repeated "Zats vat I vant to find out."

"Wow" Twilight's eyes sparkled. " A new world, thats...amazing I mean there were always theories that aliens form outer space existed on some distant planet much like our own but I never thought I would be able to meet with one of them, and they speak English! albeit with an accent but that's still incredible! Do you have spaceships? or warp gates or time travel?" She asked hopefully.

"Vell Zweilight, as awesome as zat might be, no we dont have dose zings but I'm not an alien, I believe zat I traveled here from anoser dimension, on account that I dont remember stepping into a space shuttle und de fact zat ze nearest habitable planet to mine requires years of space travel." Twilight looked a little let down. "But zat does remind me, I sink zat somevon from zis side pulled me over, und I have a pretty good idea who zat might be." I said while looking at her accusingly.

"You think I did it?" She said defensively.

"Twilight wouldn't do that" Applejack looked towards Twilight, "Would ya Twi?"

"Maybe we should listen to what James means when he says thine did the deed" Luna interjected.

Applejack and Twilight turned their attention to me. "Sank you Luna, Twilight, I'm not saying you did it on purpose." (Fake statistics confirm that over 50 percent of all HiE stories start out with Twilight fudging up a spell and bringing a human to Equstria) "I'm just asking a few questions like, have you botched any spells recently?"

"No"

"Never messed up a transportation spell?"

"No"

"Performed any magical rituals recently"

"No"

"Screwed up any magical rituals"

"That's the same question"

"Found some old spell in a mysterious book in the library that holds some mysterious spell that did mysterious things?"

"No"

"Used conjuration magic"

"No"

"Have you 'crossed the streams?' in order to kill a ghost in the last twenty four hours?"

"What are you talking about and no"

"Divided by zero?"

"Okay, now you're just being ridiculous"

"By any chance did you need a hero because no one could help and because you could find them, you tried to hire the A-Team?"

"I don't even know what you're talking about!"

"Did you have five rings to send to five special young people?"

"what?"

"Okay final one, and this is probably the most likely, was there a darkness sweeping across the land and you needed a champion of light to fight and save Equestria, so you summoned me?" I asked hopefully.

"Definitely not" She replied irritably. Aww Well, it was worth a shot.

"Okay so it might not be you"

"Whadaya talkin' about, of course it 'aint her" Applejack screamed.

"James I believe you can conclude thine interrogation of Twilight." Looks like everyone is against me.

"Fine, but I still need to find out why I'm here."

"Can we ask thee one question then?, Do all humans speak with an accent as thine does?" Luna said while cocking her head to the side thoughtfully.

I raised an eyebrow,"Vat do you mean?" Oh wait, its that.

"Yeah ah've been wondering about that" Applejack added "Y'er Equestrian is terrible" I'd like to tell Applejack that being honest is not a synonym for being blunt, and it's not like Applejack is one to talk.

"Vell, you see I normally speak a different language called German 'Nglish is my second."

"Really? are those funny words you use sometimes part of that other language" Twilight asked.

I blinked a few times trying to think but the effect was lost on account of my dark goggles "Funny vords? Like Regel-Undterbrecher?"

"Yeah and th'one you said before, 'fuck'?" Applejack awnsered.

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped at the realization of what I had been unintentionally doing.

OH BALLS

I SWORE

TO PONIES

"Oh shit!" I said, surprised.

"Yeah that one too" Twilight put in.

"Thee hath also talked about 'hell?" Luna added.

Gah! They're repeating me! "nononononononononono do not repeat vat I said, just forget ALL dose vords" Panic was evident in my voice as  begged them. Oh my god, one day in Equestria and I already taught ponies to swear. What a horrible influence I must be.

"Why does thine say we should unlearn these words?" Luna questioned.

"Because ze're svear vords und zey mean very bad sings." Suddenly everypony was quiet "Listen everybody before I explain everysing I zink ve should gazer ze rest of ze main six und meet in de library." Everypony was suddenly staring at me quizzically

"vhat?" I asked, then I realized. "Oh dammi-er, forget dat, I forgot, you don't know how I know, erm..." Awwww shit wrong move.

"What do ye mean, 'how ya know'?, what do ya know" Applejack asked interrogatively.

"Just forget everysing I said." Obviously telling them to forget it wasn't going to work this time and whats worse is that it probably didn't even work the first time.

Looking left to right I saw 3 suspicious faces "Uhhhh I know its veird but I need you to trust me, its very complicated und I need everybody here to tell you vy."

Twilight just narrowed her eyes at me accusingly."Fine. but you better answer our question... and it's everypony you mean"

"No, Zwilight, its body" I said nonchalantly as if it wasn't a big deal. (It IS a big deal, just so you know.)

She looked down her muzzle at me "Last time I checked, which was last week, it was pony"

Shadows fell across my face menacingly. Once again I appeared to be an evil scientist from a cheesy movie. "Ohoo zats cute, you checked the dictionary"

She narrowed her eyes at me and muttered, "Consistently" Watch out guys, we got a badass over here.

I bared my teeth, showing off my fangs and glared at her defiantly but again the effect was lost behind my goggles. My hair began to stand straighter and you could sense a charge in the air. She just stared into my goggles, unfazed.

"James, ponies have minds and feelings and that makes them more than just a body"

"Zweilight, as you can see I am not a pony"

A silence fell as me and Twilight glared daggers at each other in a mental contest.

"Everbody"

"Everypony"

"Body"

"Pony"

"Body"

"Pony"

"Body"

"Pony"

"Body"

"Pony"

"..................."

Luna slowly leaned over to applejack and cautiously whispered. "Is Twilight usually so zealous with arguments?"

We set our jaws and sat, taunting the other one to talk. To make their highly thought out rebuttal which would consist of repeating their last point, just so we could take our extremely mature action to solve the situation but as you guessed, that would entail us restating our arguments just louder. The corners of my mouth slowly pulled up into a shark like grin, both of us recognized that the other wasn't going to give in. If it was at all possible my hair stood even straighter. With a forced smile I spoke through grit teeth. "Twilight." was all I got out before the right half of my face started twitching and a slight crackling was heard. It was only a second before I slapped a large gloved hand over the side of my face and brushed it  away just as quickly.

Twilight could barely believe her eyes. There was obviously something more to this strange bipedal being that what it looks like at first glance. His face, it twitched and something, for the life of her she couldn't explain what, started at the side of his goggles. It almost looked like some form of static discharge, though not like one she had ever seen. What happened looked as if a spark electricity crawled, yes, it crawled down the side of his face like some sort of insect. The "electric bug" made it just past a protruding cheekbone before his gloved hand deftly slapped itself onto his face and  brushed away leaving no trace of any strange facial spasm or electrophenomenon having ever occurred. It happened so quick, in the span of a second, that she still questioned whether it really happened or not.

Oh no. She saw it didn't she? Well, I was in her face, there was no way she didn't see it. Quickly I backed off, taking a quick glance at my palm like I really did smack a bug and was expecting to find a gross bug pancake but there was nothing. Leaving a stunned twilight with a dumbfounded expression on her face  I sat back in my chair but she eventually shook it off. She glared at me and muttered "we'll finish this later" Before returning to her regular position, albeit looking a little more confused expression. I had a feeling she wasn't going to let this one slide, or any other one for that matter.

And no I'm not going to tell you what that was, nor did I plan on letting anyone else know about it.

Silence ensued."The awkwardness hath been doubled" Luna commented

"Fine James we'll get the others but you've got some explaining to do." Twilight said grimly. "And we've got a score to settle"

"Okay but to ease the confusion just assume I will have unexplained knowledge" In hindsight that just created more tension between us instead of releasing it.

We cleaned up and got out of the bakery, best building ever, though even if it was marvelous I was still glad to get out of anywhere pinkie spent excessive time in. We decided to meet collect the others in The library.

They walked towards Twilight's tree house, in general silence while I limped along. It was kind of chilly outside, though no where near how cold it gets in Germany. The three ponies began discussing some sort of plan as we walked but I didn't listen, I was busy crouching behind them and looking ridiculous hiding behind ponies half my height from other ponies half my height.

Once we reached the Library, I was stunned; the tree was almost, if not, as thick as it was tall and I pondered at how one could get a tree to grow so widely, then I remembered distastefully that this was Equestria and obviously "magic" would have been involved. That or some cool farm pony cultivation technique.

Twilight stopped briskly and spun to face me. "James, here's what were going to do, I'm going to get FlutterShy, and Rarity, Applejack's going to find Rainbow dash and Pinkie Pie and Luna will stay with you" Twilight had it all planned out. Just like you'd think she would, that's Twilight!

"Vhat? Dont you trust me?" I made the most innocent smile I could but it just looked mischievous...ly evil.

"No. (ouch.) Besides you two cant really go walking around town very much can you?" Twilight said back.

"Yeah somepony might try und kill me vith some crazy magic" KABOOM, ROASTED I retorted but she just ignored my comment.

"thats not the only reason"

"Vats ze second reason zen?" I looked down at her from my high vantage point of seven feet.

Lowering her voice she said, "Luna seems to like you more than anyone else, you can stop her from running off" She jabbed a hoof at me. Ever vigilant Twilight. It seems I made the right decision to look for her.

"Because I'm her friend" And ONLY her friend, I didnt want this to turn into some bad romance novel. (According to statistics based off nothing that is highly possible)

We agreed that Luna and I would have to stay so I walked to the door and paused in thought; for some reason it was a normal human door. Correct height, length and width, and so was the one on Sugarcube corner. Now that doesnt make sense, they dont even use the entire entrance the door makes anyways, whats the point? Reluctantly I pulled my attention away from the door and ducked in, making sure not to bump my head on the frame.

Luna was sitting in a chair reading a book, Slumber parties 101. I chuckled to myself.

Finding myself a nice bench, I unceremoniously collapsed on it; EVERYWHERE HURT. Just this night I was blown up, wrestled to the ground, tied up and slammed into a BUILDING. The short walk from Sugarcube corner had drained me of what little strength I had left, and mind you, I'm not a strong person to begin with. Nerdy scientist, remember?.

Luna seemed to be really interested in the book, guess she never had a slumber party. All of the stuff that happened that night came to me then and there, it felt like I was containing a bomb in my chest. The hope of all this being a dream resurfaced in my mind, I mean after all this was it still possible to just wake up and put it all behind me? Eventually I decided to try to just shut it out of my mind and concentrate on other things, like meeting the mane six which undoubtedly happens in one hundred percent of all HiE stories. I was going to meet the main six, if I wasn't so beat up I might of been exited, or mad.

This was the longest time I had ever gone speaking English, though as I was getting more reacquainted with my lost secondary language I was improving with impressive speed. I'm just glad they can understand me through my German accent, it serves me right for thinking just those short years of English were, "fine."

Rolling over to look at Luna I thought about what Twilight had said before "Hey Luna" I called

She turned from the book to look at me "wishes thou to speak?"

"Vat vas vis you worrying about me so much before, all I remember vas...vell Twilight killing me...zen you vere, shaking me and all zat" I said while still lying down and making shaking motions with my hands. Asking a lot of questions is annoying, trust me, i know, but while being a scientist it sort of became a habit of mine.

She looked away mysteriously, "Thou be the only one here who can understand us, James"

Silence took the room for a few seconds before I asked "Vats vith se olden english sing?"

"One thousand year banishment?" Oh yeah, the english would be thousand year old english. I facepalmed, how am I such an idiot and still a scientist?

"But vait you vere in Canterlot for a year after you vere turned back, korrect?" I thought aloud. Thankfully she wasn't fazed by my unexplained knowledge like the other ponies.

"Thee forgets We are the queen of the night, we do not goeth out much." She smiled sheepishly "Thy knows much suspicious knowledge for one so new" Damn, I had to say it, didn't I?

"Vy do you refer to yourself in plural?"

"Tis tradition for us to use the royal 'we'."

"Und ze loud voice?"

"Thou speaks of the Royal Canterlot Voice. tis a tradition to address subjects like so" She gave me a questioning look. "Do you not have royalty where you come from"

"Vell, I know England has a queen, alot like you. She is very old" Luna was suddenly giving me a look that kindly suggested that I shut my face. Note to self, its probably a good Idea not to call the royalty old.

"Tomorrow can I meet your sister Cylvestia? I have to ask her something."

She paused, struck by something I had said, "Thou means Celestia"

I rolled my eyes, here we go again. "Ja, Cylvestia"

Luna smiled at my expense. "Celestia"

"Look, I'm trying my best here, Cylvestia"

She shook her head, still smiling. "Oh, sister will so enjoy meeting you" She suppressed a giggle but let much of it escape on purpose.

"Alright, laugh at ze accent, miss loudmouth" I threw back at her, laughing at her expression.

"What does thee find so amusing?" she said annoyed.

"You really don't get out do you"  I couldnt help but smile at the thought and clutch my painful midsection as I chuckled to myself.

Luna punched me in the arm playfully "You shouldn't laugh at your princess like so!"

I grinned like a fool and rubbed my arm where she hit me, it hurt more than it should of because it was already tenderized from earlier. A knock came from the door and Luna cantered over and opened it, Applejack was standing there

"Howdy James, it didn't take very long ta' find Rainbow dash, Ah just had to follow the sound a lightning" she stated nonchalantly.

I paused for a second and thought to myself. Its THUNDER, you follow the sound of thunder not lightning. A vein in my head pulsed angrily. Even though I wanted to have a long winded discussion with Applejack about the difference between lightning and thunder at that point, I just clenched my jaw shut. I just didn't have it in me to hand out arguments for free on a street corner. (Trust me, I've tried)

Limping over and sticking my head out the door, Twilight was a few yards away walking back to the library back but there were no rainbows. "zen vere is she?"

She rolled her eyes. "Rainbow said she had ta finish scarin' some ponys first" Applejack said, annoyed.

"und de Pink von?" I pensively asked.

She let her annoyance show on her face even more,"She 'ain't' done gettin' candy, honestly some ponies,"

Deceptively looking away from Applejack and nodding my head slowly, I agreed, "Ja...some ponies, so Immature...getting candy at zis age" I knew uncomfortably well how I was one of those "Immature guys getting candy" and it didn't help that I was jealous of Pinkie Pie; her and all her damn candy.

I shrugged "Guess dey'll get here venever." Staggering out to meet Twilight, I asked. "Did you find Fluttershy und Rarity?"

"Fluttershy is bringing spike home right now, he ate a little too much candy and got sick. Rarity is probably asleep" She reported.

"So zats vere spike is" I muttered, thoughtfully rubbing my chin. I was wondering why he wasn't putting books away or doing whatever he does when Twilights not around," So Fluttershy vill be here in a few minutes?" I inferred

Twilight was giving me another look, so I smiled and looked as innocent as I could ( Though I still didn't even remotely resemble an innocent person) before she finally said "Yeah they'll be here in a while, I didnt tell them about you-"

"Because she vould be too scared" I finished for her.

"...How do you know about us?" She said, surprised and wary that I knew Flutter shy's personality.

"Erm..." I randomly grabbed for an excuse. "Because I'm a genius?" I said hopefully, raising my eyebrows at her and grinning.

"C'mon lets just get inside" Twilight said impatiently and trotted to the tree house.

"You're no fun" I grumbled and followed behind her. I couldn't help a smirk making its way up my face at the thought of meeting Fluttershy, the one pony to score 9001 on cuteness meter. Just as I was about to enter the door, a mares voice that was a little hoarse sounded off behind me.

"TWILIGHT LOOK OUT" The voice yelled. I had just enough time to turn around and see a rainbow streak plow into me and knock all the air out of my lungs. It felt like I was shot at with a cannon, and not pinkie's party cannon.

"Oof" I was thrown off my feet and flown across the room as the cyan Pegasus continued forwards, carrying me with her. My arms and legs trailed in front of me as I practically folded into a V shape and flew backwards into into the bookshelves. I slumped down and unfortunately I landed face up. Rainbow dash collapsed down beside me and I had a horrifyingly nice view of all the big heavy books, you know the ones I'm talking about; the fat dictionary kind that has like a billion pages, jumping up from the impact and surging towards me. There was no time to think or time to react, only time to see and dread the oncoming collections of paper, that and say, "SSHIIIII-" Everything went black for the second time that day.

Weightlessness took me and I left my broken body. Once again I was floating among the clouds, all the aches and pains of reality forgotten. Looking around, I spied the mysterious black cloud mare again and found that she was staring at me with intense curiosity.

"Umm, hello?" I called out to her.

The mare opened her mouth and a great echo rang out. "Hello!"

"Okay" I mumbled to myself, even compared to Equestria this was weird.

"You are back!" It yelled at me.

"Excuse me, what do you mean?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"You were here before but you left" It bellowed.

"Yeah...thank you for voicing my fears" I said suddenly realizing that I didn't need to yell for her to hear me.

"You're...welcome?" she said,confused.

I chuckled to myself, "Well, I guess I really am going crazy."

The mare looked put out by that. "I hope not, you're the first person I've had to talk to in centuries" I laughed at that, its always nice to know someones concerned for your mental health, even if its just because you're a conversational partner.

"Yeah..." I nodded my head slowly. "Do you...have a name?"

"Not really...you?" I was surprised at how nonchalant this conversation was considering the fact that it was a fever dream brought on by lack of sleep, food, a few too many bonks on the head and exhaustion.

"James"

"It is nice to meet you James" She answered frankly.

"Its nice to meet you too...floaty cloud mare...but...uh...I'm really just passing through here, is there any way I could get back to the physical world?" I don't know why but for some reason I just really wanted out of this uncomfortable situation, even if here it was nice, soft and cloudy and in reality it was mean, hard and painful.

The mare was downcast. "Please don't leave, I want to talk more." I caught a glimpse of the infamous "Pony puppy dog stare", conveniently abbreviated as P.P.D.S. Only with this stare I wasn't met with giant, adorable, dinner plate sized eyes, I got a good view to a hollow interior full of lightning and turmoil. Something told me that this mare wasn't exactly "Normal" and it wasn't the fact that she was a cloud.

"Sorry but I really gotta go" I felt bad for the mare, alone for centuries. For some reason that kind of stuff doesn't surprise me anymore though I don't know if I should be alarmed by that.

"Why?" She pleaded.

"Because I...I gotta make sure no one is violating my body" What the hell is wrong with me, I had practically any excuse to make like "I left my cookies in the oven!" but I had to go with bodily violation?

"Okay" She was downcast, and I felt bad for her.

"Hey, are you going to be okay?" Curse ponies and their ability to guilt people with sadness.

"Yea i guess" Her head drooped down depressingly. To punctuate what she said, she began to rain, and sniffle. Yea I said rain I guess that's how talky clouds cry.

"Oh please don't...rain, I'all come back" I begged her.

Her head lifted and she momentarily stopped raining, "Really?" She asked.

"Sure, at the rate I'm being K.O-ed  it looks like i'd be here quite often"

She zoomed over to me and squeezed me tightly in a tackle hug, which didn't make sense since she was a cloud but hey that kind of stuff is expected in Equestria. "Yaaaaaaaay Thank you sooo much!" She said happily.

"Oof, Uh you too" I hugged her back. At least it didn't hurt when she hugged me. "Now uh, how do I get out of here?"

She giggled. "That's easy, just look for your body!"

"Yea that should be simple enough." Her eye holes started glowing with a cloudy turquoise fog as she looked around and I found out how offensive it sounds to refer to someone's eyes as eye holes.

I looked around but I didn't see any sleeping scientists, or anything for that matter, just blank expanse. "I uhhh don't see my body"

"Oops, I almost forgot" She put a hoof to my temple and my eyes began to glow like her's.

"Hey, what's this?" I questioned as my vision was tinted turquoise.

"You need special vision to see your body"

I looked around again, this time spotting a sleeping figure directly above me. Pointing to it I asked "Is that it?"

She looked up. "Yep!"

"Well, now I just gotta get there" I tried to swim up to my body but couldn't because of some weight holding me back. I looked down and realized she still had her hooves wrapped around me. She squee'd up at me and let go, her cheeks glowing with red mist in what I guess was a blush.

"Thanks again for letting me go" I said as I began my clumsy air swim up but something suddenly caught my collar, it was her again. "What the-" I did a double take, she had spontaneously sprouted wings and with my collar in her cloud mouth was shooting upwards like a rocket only to halt suddenly leaving me right next to my body.

"Bye James and please remember to come back" The guilt, it just about killed me. I didn't really know if i'd be back or not and I didn't want to leave this mare alone but I still needed to make sure no one violated my body that my body was okay.

I gave her a smile and one last hug. "Iall be back" The last thing I saw was her waving goodbye as I jumped into my body.

I didnt know where I was or how I got there, my vision was black and all I could feel were the hard square shapes that buried me. My strength utterly failed as I tried to move my broken body. My brain was too foggy to figure out how long I had been lying there. Time, space and the number of heavy objects on top of me no longer had meaning.

Muffled yelling came from somewhere and I collected my available brainpower and weakly called out "Help..."

My feet from the ankle down were free but I couldn't do a damned thing with them. Suddenly the pressure on my face and chest lessened and a scuffling sound bled through the gaps in the rubble. A crack of daylight shone through, like when Jesus is resurrected in the movies and a beam of sunlight shines upon him. The light finally gave me a view of what I was under, which was books. I called out again "Help... Please..."

There was more scuffling and the books over my face were lifted off and I saw Applejack's green eyes staring into mine, the light from behind gave her head an eclipse effect.

Applejack cringed when she saw my face, turned around and said "Ah found em' but he dont look too good." The light stung my eyes but I was glad to be out.

I messily strung together a sentence with what words I could still find "Veres zat rainbow...person...I am..." I paused looking for words and decided to simply end with "kill." Everypony helped dig me out, for the life of me I couldnt move a muscle.

WHY DID EQUESTRIA HAVE TO HURT SO BAD?!?!?

It didnt take very long for them to dig my upper body out of the pile. I let out a groan of pain as they began to pull up my body from the book grave made into a sitting position. When I opened my eyes it was hard to focus on anything, my head was pounding, my vision was blurry, my ears rung like a hyperactive xylophone player getting carried away on his solo. (Do xylophone players have solos?) Turning left I saw Luna holding one shoulder and right to see Twilight supporting the other but their touches felt numb to me. Extremely worried looks on both their faces. Scratch that extremely worried looks on everypony's faces, except one pegasus, of whom I made a mental note that should really definitely be killed sometime later.

They both gingerly let go of my arms to see if I could support myself but I simply slumped over limply. Twilight was freaking out and dancing on her hooves. "Oh Celestia, oh Celestia, oh celestia, he's not moving, WHAT DID YOU DO DASH?!?"

"THIS BE NO TIME TO BE SENDING LETTERS ADDRESSED TO MINE SISTER" The unmissable sound of the Royal Canterlot Voice flooded the room.

Scratch that, everypony was freaking out, saying things like, "Ah've seen bruised apples, RainbowDash, but ah think ya broke him!"

Another said "NO LUNA, I think shaking him would be a seriously bad idea!"

A fuzzy edged dark blue pony came into view and held up about nine hooves and asked, "Quickly James! how many hooves are we holding up!?!?"

Straight ahead the door opened and in trotted a tan yellow pegasus with a softly flowing pink mane, she was continuing a conversation with someone behind her. "I told you you would get a tummy ache if you ate all that candy" Her voice was so soft and nice. I think I know that person from somewhere; my brain was still barely functioning. The nice pink maned pony turned around and gasped in horror with a hoof brought to her mouth. Twilight hurriedly started talking but I could barely hear her.

"Oh thank Celestia you're here, Fluttersh-" but she was cut off as the yellow pony flashed over to me quick as lightning yet still somehow landing like a feather.

"Oh my goodness what happened to him?" She gasped in the softest most concerned voice I ever heard EVER. Her hoof was suddenly on my forehead feeling my temperature and she began to grab and inspect my face, turning it side to side for a better look. I raised a hand to get her hooves off but she pushed it down and said "No save you're strength you need to rest"

At that point I probably couldn't have stopped her even if I wanted to. With a worried look on her face the yellow pegasus cradled my head in her hooves like a baby. "Oh my...What did you do to him?"

"Well I kinda...lassoed him...and tied him up" Applejack said looking to the corner of the room.

"And I threw him into a building" Twilight said looking at the ground.

"I was just protecting my friends from a fearsome monster" A cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail said defiantly.

Her eyes passed over Luna with no recognition I could see, except for this one little thing where she jumped two meters in the air with her mane and tail standing straight for a second until she landed and hid behind her hair shyly, all boldness gone. "oh hi luna" She said shyly.

Luna responded by thrusting my limp body towards Fluttershy and exclaiming "Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!...Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!" What am I to these ponies, an object?

Something clicked in my brain after that, this was Fluttershy, THE Fluttershy, master of "The Stare" and the highest ranking on the cuteness meter by at least three whole leagues. She had an eerily angelic look because of the light that shone behind her head when she looked at me and for a second I thought I was dead, but gazing up into her heart shaped face framed in pink hair, I smiled and remembered my manners (If I had any to begin with). I mean, this is Fluttershy we're talking about, you can't just go and disrespect her and get away with it.

Also this may have something to do with favorite ponies. Aka Fluttershy is best pony, in my scientific expert opinion.

I opened my mouth to say what would of been something probably between "Hello Fluttershy, its nice to meet you" and the obviously more likely "OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO CUTE I COULD DIE"

And slumped backwards, dead. The cause? Cuteness radiation. Yep that's the end of the fiction, Fluttershy killed me and there was no epic adventures canned or hazzed by any cats at all.

Okay, false alarm, I just passed out, there will be an epic adventure after all, with drama, comedy, action and shmoopy moopy romance parts! Okay, maybe not Definitely so!

Too bad I have to write it.

"ugg, vere am I? und vat is zat noise?" I said at the increasing in volume wail of delight that echoed out among the clouds.

"YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY YOU'RE BACK!!"