Muffins

by Jay David

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Lyra
Length: 1538

One day, Lyra gets lured to her "doom" by Derpy

One day, Lyra gets invited by her friend Derpy to taste one of her new muffin recipes. Lyra eagerly accepts, but with that fateful bite, she soon finds herself in a situation so horrific that words cannot do it justice.

Published 2019-05-08 05:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-08 05:20:02 UTC

Muffins

The sun was shining brightly and beautifully in Ponyville this morning, and all who walked in the streets had a smile on their faces that let the whole world know that they were happy and content. Lyra Heartstrings was no exception to this, as she merrily trotted down the main road of the town, grinning and waving to all who passed her by. Bon-Bon, Carrot Top, that local Doctor fellow, Octavia, she greeted them all, and everything seemed right in her world. But, she wasn't out here simply for a pleasant walk, but to visit one specific friend in particular. And as she carried on, that friend's home soon came into view. Her smile widened and she walked right on up to the front door, raising her hoof and giving it a good knock. A moment or two passed, and there was no response, so Lyra knocked again. This time, however, somepony did indeed open, and the smiling face of Derpy was seen on the other side.

"Oh! Lyra! Hello! Please, come in!"

Lyra nodded to her pegasus friend, entering her home while the latter closed the door behind her. The moment Lyra had taken that first step inside, she was greeted with a most wonderful smell, which led to a deep and contented sigh on her part.

"Ah! Now there's a nice smell! What's cooking?"

Derpy smiled, gesturing for Lyra to follow her, which she did.

"Oh, I've been trying out a new recipe. I was hoping you'd be the first to test it."

Lyra chuckled.

"Hey, I won't say no to free food."

Entering the kitchen together, Lyra paused where she was, watching as Derpy continued on and knelt down to open the nearby oven. However good the smell had been before, it was even better now that the oven was open, and before long, her host turned to reveal a tray of freshly-baked and delicious muffins. Lyra licked her lips at the sight of them, walking over to the table in the middle of the room as Derpy set them down.

"Wow, Derpy! You've really outdone yourself with these ones!"

The other mare giggled.

"I'm glad you think so. Here..."

She took hold of a small plate, carefully placing one of the new muffins upon it, before handing it over to her friend.

"Try it. I guarantee that you've never tasted anything like this one."

Smiling widely, Lyra graciously accepted, and without even another word passing between them, she bit down into the soft and warm muffin. A few chews later, she swallowed, her expression one of pure delight.

"Oh, now this is the kind of thing I've been wanting all day!"

Derpy smiled as her friend continued to take bite after bite. And yet, as Lyra continued to feast on the offered confectionary, she began to feel something. Something she couldn't quite put her hooves on. A feeling that crept in slowly, but was there nevertheless. Drowsiness? Tiredness? Whatever it was, it felt like all the energy she'd had this morning was suddenly disappearing.

"D...Derpy? I...I don't know what..."

Then, she glanced down to what remained of that first muffin, and her eyes widened.

"...Derpy...wha...what have you...?"

Then, before she could even finish, her legs gave out, and she fumbled to the floor, but thankfully not in a way that would have caused her any pain or discomfort. As consciousness began to leave her, she glanced up, seeing Derpy continue to smile at her.

"Don't you worry, Lyra...everything's gonna be great."

The unicorn mare had no idea how long it had been since she'd fallen asleep. Minutes? Hours perhaps? Whatever the time, she slowly began to rouse again, and her eyes gradually crept open. There was no memory of what had happened before, but as she began to take in her situation, those eyes of hers snapped open fully. It was a basement of some sort, though she couldn't tell whose. But the more immediate concern for her right now was that she wasn't exactly mobile. She was on a rack, bound on all four hooves from moving away from it. Struggle though she might, she couldn't get free. But then, before she could try anything else, a sound alerted her to something. It was a moan, and not a happy one at that. Her head turning, she saw mares, at least half a dozen of them, all huddled together in the corner.

"Wha...who are you? What's going on?! Lyra demanded to know.

One of the mares, still shaking, looked to her with pure despair in her eyes.

"It's...it's too late for you. It was...horrible! Oh, it was so horrible!"

Fear arose in Lyra now, not helped by the fact that she could hear the sound of approaching hoofsteps from the side. Turning her head, she noticed the shadow of a pony coming down the nearby flight of stairs, and she tensed up. But then that tension was replaced by confusion as she saw that it was none other than Derpy, who continued that smile of hers as though nothing was wrong.

"Ah! You're awake! Wonderful, now we can begin."

Struggling again against her bonds, Lyra looked to her friend with astonishment.

"Derpy?! What in Equestria did you do with those muffins?!"

Derpy let loose an innocent-sounding giggle.

"Oh, I decided to add in a new special ingredient...sleep pills."

Lyra looked to her incredulously, leading to a shrug on Derpy's part.

"Yeah, I know it's weird, but they do give the muffin a nice taste...and also have the side-effect of sending ponies to sleep."

"YA THINK?!?!" Lyra snapped back.

But Derpy waved her off.

"Anyways, enough about muffins, time to get to the main event!"

Lyra's anger gave way to concern, and she again glanced to the cowering mares in the corner.

"Wha...what are you going to do?" she asked nervously.

Walking to a cabinet that was close by, Derpy opened one of its drawers, rummaging around inside of it as she answered.

"Oh, there's something I like to do with ponies. Something that wouldn't really earn me many popularity points, if you know what I mean."

Sweat started pouring down Lyra's brow.

"...What is it?"

Derpy smiled as she at last found what it was she was looking for, and pulled out what appeared to be a box of some sort. Lyra panted as her friend brought it closer and closer to her. Eventually, Derpy was no more than a few feet away, and smiled to her captive audience.

"This, Lyra...is gonna be fun!"

Lyra, seeing the pegasus slowly start to open the box, immediately winced, shutting her eyes tightly in readiness for whatever horrible thing she was about to be subjected to. Then, as moment after moment passed, she began to hear Derpy speak again.

"The muffin was first invented back in the early years of Equestrian history when Chancellor Puddinghead decided to settle down from politics, and began devoting her life to creating new and tasty dishes."

Lyra slowly opened her eyes again, looking over to find that Derpy was not holding some terrible and nightmarish tool, but rather a dusty old book, which she now read from eagerly.

"This revolutionary new confectionary soon reached unprecedented levels of popularity, spreading across all of Equestria in record time!"

Lyra blinked.

"Er...what?"

Derpy, oblivious to her friend's confusion, smiled and tapped on the book.

"Oh, I was hoping I'd have somepony over to read this to. It's always nice to share the history of muffins with somepony close to me."

Blinking again, Lyra understandably felt the need to elaborate on her confusion.

"So...you're not going to do anything...terrible to me?"

Derpy seemed aghast at that.

"What?! No! I just wanted to read a book to a friend!"

Lyra frowned at her.

"Then why'd you tie me up like this?!"

Derpy giggled, then pointed to the rack.

"For your back, silly! I've never said this before, Lyra, but you have terrible posture! It's not gonna do you any favours down the line."

Lyra was justifiably taken aback by all this, but most of all, she snapped her head towards the other mares, who shivered at the sight of Derpy's book.

"And what were you so worried about?!"

The first mare, the one who'd spoken before, pointed to the book.

"It's...so...BORING!!!"

Lyra sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, Derpy, I appreciate all this, but I think I should really be going."

But Derpy simply laughed again.

"Oh Lyra! Don't be silly! It'll take at least an hour before the rack properly corrects the early misalignment of your spinal positioning."

Lyra blinked again to that unexpected technical explanation.

"Er...what?"

Derpy looked to her book again.

"Besides, this is a great opportunity for me to teach you about the age of legislation, where pony bureaucrats attempted to pass laws restricting the number of ingredients that could be held in a single muffin."

Realising what she was going to have to put up with for an hour, Lyra suddenly gained the same horrified look as the other mares, and looked right up to the ceiling.

"SOMEPONY HELP ME!!!"

Author's Note

Yeah, like I was ever gonna have anything actually bad happen to these characters :raritywink: