Ditzy Don'tby BicoChaptersI Just Don't Know What Went WrongMademoiselleBest Friends ForeverI Just Don't Know What Went WrongDITZY DON’T ~ BICO ACT I: I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG The weather was warm and mild in Ponyville, courtesy of the resident Pegasus Weather Team. Birds sang sweetly as they flitted between trees looking for their morning meal, and the citizens of the tiny village began their day at ease. That peace and quiet was shattered by a rogue thunderstorm crashing through Sugarcube Corner, driving a dozen frightened bystanders to cover as the sound of lightning and a cry of, "Sooooooorrrrrrrryyyyyyyy!" coming from a young pegasus who clung to the cloud for dear life filled the square. The bystanders of the town square were just beginning to poke their heads out from cover when a rainbow blur shot through the air and caused several of them to lose their balance. Following the path of the storm, the streak slowed, Rainbow Dash's form becoming visible as she glared at the dark cloud and its rider. "Derpy!" she called. "Rein in that storm cloud!" "I-I-I'm trying!" Derpy cried out as she tried to tug the cloud into a climb. When she finally got her forelegs wrapped around the front of the cloud, she stamped her hind legs down on its rear and yanked the front end up. The cloud barely turned, and instead sent a bolt of lightning through the air. "Whoa," Rainbow gasped and flinched from the lightning flash in her eyes. She pressed onward in her slightly blinded state, but was caught in the belly by a weather vane and sent spinning. Her eyes cleared and she regained a visual on her target for a fraction of a second, which was all she needed to kick off the weather vane and use the momentum to launch herself at the cloud even faster. “Hold on, Derpy!” Derpy took Rainbow's advice and squeezed the cloud as hard as she could, which unleashed a torrent of rain in just about every direction but down and more random bolts of lightning streaked across the sky. "Yow!" Rainbow barely dodged a lightning bolt and zipped toward the out-of-control storm. She weaved heedlessly through the fulminations, dodging on pure instinct. Eventually she got herself into range and slammed her hooves into the cloud. The storm practically screeched to a halt and Rainbow proceeded to pry her shell-shocked charge off the cloud. With a couple light bucks in the right place, the storm returned to its dormant state. Once Rainbow was certain the cloud was stable, she shot a stern look at Derpy, who had the decency to look sheepish. "What the hay were you thinking?" Derpy shrugged and looked away. "I dunno... it just got away from me somehow." "Some..." Rainbow said, slack-jawed. "'Somehow'!?” Rainbow threw her front legs into the air. “You don't just 'somehow' cause a storm cloud to go on a rampage. Well, you do, obviously, but..." Rainbow suddenly found herself at a loss for words and resigned herself with a sigh. Derpy continued avoiding eye contact, her face growing increasingly guilty. "My bad," she said softly. "Look at all this," Rainbow continued, her hoof sweeping over the wet streets and scorched buildings. "You're darn right it's your bad. I'd tell you to clean it up, too, but I think that'd just make it worse!" Rainbow glared icicles at her subordinate, who responded with a cross-eyed stare. The previous eight months of being this part-timer's supervisor flashed through her mind. All of the accidents, damages, apologies, repairs and subsequent headaches piled onto her psyche all at once. By the time the flashback stopped, Rainbow could practically feel steam coming from her ears. Her teeth gritted and her voice cracked when she spoke, "Derpy...this is the last straw. You're banned from the Weather Team... in fact, don't even bother visiting Cloudsdale until you can stop being so... well... you." "Oh..." Derpy sulked. Her gloom only lasted a moment before a smile spread across her face and her ears perked. "Well, at least we'll see each other this afternoon. I'm bringing muffins!" Rainbow facefrogged angrily. "No,” she said firmly, jabbing her hoof in Derpy’s chest. “I don't want you coming to my house anymore. Every time you do, you manage to break something or set my house on fire.” She huffed with incredulity and silently prayed to Minerva to descend on them and explain the situation. “How do you even set a cloud on fire? I certainly don't know." Now Derpy's face fell into a truly distraught expression, and her eyes began to shimmer with unshed tears. "But, Rainbow Dash... you can't..." "Like hay I can't," Rainbow said as she turned around and flicked her six-hued tail. Before flying off with the cloud safely in her grasp, she gave Derpy a sidelong glance. "And by 'like hay I can't' I mean 'I can.' And I am!" Derpy's wing beats slowed as Rainbow took off, and she descended to the ground. For a moment she stood in the middle of the street as the other ponies resumed milling about the soggy streets and did their best to take this latest disruption to their routines in stride. "Ditzy Doo?" Ditzy turned and saw two familiar faces looking at her curiously. "Oh, hi, Twilight Sparkle. Hi Spike,” she said with a bright smile. “Sorry about the crate last Sunday." Twilight Sparkle rubbed her head at the memory. “That’s alright,” she said. “But… we saw that storm coming through from the library. What was that about? I didn’t think anything was scheduled this week.” Ditzy sighed and settled back into a glum mood. “It wasn’t.” “Oh…” Twilight said, and she exchanged a dubious look with Spike. “Well, at least Rainbow Dash managed to get a hold of it. I saw her flying off with that cloud just a minute ago.” “Yeah, Rainbow Dash saved the day,” Ditzy said. She looked up at the sky with a pained expression. “But she also banned me from weather duty and Cloudsdale.” “Can she do that?” Twilight asked, a bit shocked. Ditzy sighed. "Let's just say the city council doesn't have a very high opinion of me. Not only that, but Rainbow Dash is super popular, so it wouldn't take much for her to convince everypony to keep me out." Twilight frowned pensively. “But... don’t you live there?” Ditzy shook her head. “No. I used to, but I kept accidentally falling through the clouds while I was sleeping.” “Is that… a normal danger for pegasi?” Twilight asked. “No,” Ditzy said. “I… don’t know of anypony else who has that problem, actually. Anyway, it’s safer for me to live here in Ponyville. I don’t fall as far when I hit the ground.” “Well, that would explain…” Spike crossed his eyes at Twilight, for which she bopped him promptly on the head. “Well, I’m sure Rainbow Dash is just… um… frustrated right now.” Twilight attempted a reassuring smile. “Once she cools off everything will go back to normal.” Ditzy shook her head. “She said I had to stay away until I stop being me.” Her eyes watered up. “I don’t even know how a pony can stop being herself.” Twilight nodded in understanding. “I see. Well, you know, maybe we can help you there.” “You can?” Ditzy asked. “We can?” Spike echoed. “You wanna do wha-?” “Ditzy needs to learn how to be… well… less ditzy,” Twilight explained to her friend, Applejack. “And you think workin’ as a farmhoof will do that?” Applejack asked, eyeing Ditzy suspiciously as she seemed to stare into space... or possibly at the ground. She couldn't really tell. “I don’t know if I’m following.” “It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Twilight said. “You’re extremely well-coordinated, Applejack. And why is that?” “Well…” “Physical labor can have a positive impact on coordination,” Twilight explained. “If she works here for awhile, I’m sure she’ll learn to better control her body.” “Uh huh,” Applejack said, unconvinced. “I guess we can give it a shot.” Ditzy gave them a wide grin. “Yay!” she cheered. “I’m going to do my best to help you in whatever way I can.” One week, several spilled buckets, a dozen broken dishes and a field planted with the wrong seeds later, Applejack approached Ditzy—who was currently tangled in rope and dangling from the barn’s gutter. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do rope tricks like you, Applejack,” she fawned. “No kiddin’,” Applejack said glibly. “That there was just jumpin’ rope. I can only imagine what you’d do with a lasso.” She shook her head and sighed. “Listen. We’ll try one more thing, Ditz. Can’t nopony mess up applebucking too bad. Worst that’ll happen is no apples will fall.” Ditzy grinned and followed her new boss to the apple orchard. Upon arrival, she watched carefully as Applejack explained and demonstrated the perfect applebuck. “Think you can do it?” Applejack asked. Derpy nodded and moved herself into position. “Okay,” she said, going over the essentials. “Position, aim, breathing, and haunch squeeze,” she repeated under her breath for a few moments before lifting her back end and delivering a strong buck to the tree. Derpy smiled at the satisfying connection with the trunk and turned her head to watch for the fruits of her labor to fall to the ground. But they never came. With a deflated expression, she tried again and yielded the same results. She began to kick at the tree wildly and with growing frustration before Applejack stopped her. “Whoa, whoa there, partner,” she said. “Ya can’t get all in a huff ‘cause you didn’t get it right the first time. Just take a deep breath, get into position, and try again. With purpose!” “Sorry, Applejack” Ditzy frowned, but determination blazed in her eyes. “I can do this.” She breathed in deeply and let her mind focus on her goal. She would get those apples off that tree one way or another. She reared her hind legs into the air and, with a mighty squeeze of her muscles, she bucked the tree. The apples came off the tree alright, but not in the normal fashion. They were flying everywhere, filling her view with red deliciousness. “What the…” Applejack began as her eyes widened in shock. Her sentence was cut off when an apple separated from the flock and struck her in the eye, causing her vision to go dark. “Applejack…” “…” “Applejack, are you okay?” Light poured in through a newly cracked open eyelid. The other one refused to cooperate and throbbed painfully. “What… just happened?” “Sorry, Applejack,” Ditzy said. “I guess I got carried away.” Applejack looked around with her one good eye and her jaw dropped. There were apples everywhere. They were splattered across the ground and embedded in the sides of other trees. One of her trees had apparently been set on fire. Somehow. “Wh-wh-wh…” “Anything I can do to help?” Ditzy asked bashfully. Applejack turned to her and gave her a baleful look. “Ditzy… just… go. Just go and don’t come back. Never again.” “Uh…” Ditzy said nervously. “Okay. Sorry…” Ditzy smiled cheerily at the small, furry creatures that ran about the front yard of Fluttershy's peaceful cottage. "Well..." Fluttershy said, "She does seem to like animals, but..." "So it's perfect," Twilight said. "You can teach her to be more... delicate." "I guess... that might be okay," Fluttershy said. "Great," Twilight said. "I'm sure everything will be just fine." Fluttershy winced and looked fearfully at Ditzy, who was now tossing a baby squirrel into the air playfully and catching it in her hooves. "Please don't do that... if you don't mind..." "Twilight, are you sure about this?" Twilight looked up from her tome and regarded Spike with a quizzical expression. "What do you mean?" Spike leaned on his broom and sighed. "Well, leaving Ditzy alone with Fluttershy... and all those poor, defenseless animals. You saw the shiner on Applejack." "I understand what you mean, Spike, but we have to give our friends the benefit of the doubt." Twilight turned back to the pages of Magical Mimicry, the thick tome which she had been studying for several hours. "I believe Ditzy can really improve if she puts her mind to it, and I trust Fluttershy to be able to deal with a little klutziness." "Sure, Twilight. But... y'know, maybe it would be a good idea to check up on them. Y'know... maybe give them some... moral support?" Twilight closed the book and sighed. "I suppose you're right, Spike. It certainly wouldn't hurt. But I'm sure they're fine." "Nutty, don't you quit on me!!" Spike faceclawed as Twilight took in the scene with a morbid fascination. Fluttershy was currently performing frantic CPR on a ferret with a red and swollen face, and many of her animals were running wild. The chicken coop was on fire. Ditzy Doo was sitting bashfully in the middle of the chaos. "What happened here?" Twilight asked slowly. "Um..." Ditzy said. "I'm not sure what went wrong." "She fed Nutty nuts," Fluttershy cried. "I thought he'd like them..." Ditzy said. Fluttershy nearly tore a clump of her mane out with her hooves. "He's allergic to nuts!" "So his name's one of those ironic things..." Spike guessed. "And I guess I forgot to secure the pens," Ditzy admitted. "And I may have mixed up the chicken feed with the flame salamanders..." Fluttershy sighed in relief as Nutty began to cough and rolled back onto his feet. "Oh, thank goodness you're okay." She turned to Ditzy, her eyes blazing with the righteous fury of a protective Ursa Major. Rearing onto her hind legs, her barrel inflated as she breathed deeply through her nostrils, and her front hoof rose as if to strike the oblivious Ditzy. "I'm sorry,” Fluttershy said meekly, deflating and hiding her face behind her mane. “But this isn't going to work out." "Muffins!" Pinkie Pie bounced up and down with excitement. "Oh, this is going to be so great! Derpy Doo's one of my best customers, always first in line for my muffins. Well, except for that one time during applebuck season, but even I didn't want to look at a muffin for a while after that, so I can't blame her..." "I think this might be good for you, Ditzy," Twilight said. "Pinkie is a great baker and I’m sure she’ll be able to help you learn about attention to detail. Especially after last time." "I dunno, Twilight," Ditzy said, her face downcast as she rubbed her shoulder self-consciously. "I enjoy eating muffins, but I've never tried to make them before..." Twilight placed a hoof on Ditzy's back reassuringly. "Don't worry, I trust you." Spike rolled his eyes. "And with that shining endorsement, nothing can possibly go wrong." "Is... is Applejack getting enough rest?" Nurse Red Heart asked. "Not... Applejack..." Pinkie wheezed. She was now more Greenie than Pinkie and felt so queasy she didn't even care about the kitchen blaze that firefighters were still attempting to put out. "I had my eye out... for the worms. Didn't suspect... the ipecac." She coughed violently. "Don't know... why I even had that lying around." "Oops..." Ditzy said dejectedly. "Twi... Twilight. Come closer..." Pinkie pleaded. "Uh..." Twilight started forward. "Yes?" Pinkie desperately gasped for air and held out a foreleg. Twilight held her friend’s hoof as she summoned the strength to speak. "If I don't make it..." "Pinkie, you're going to be..." Pinkie pulled Twilight down to her muzzle and squished her face in between her hooves. ”If I don’t make it!” she squealed, her wide eyes boring into Twilight’s. The outburst left her drained and she collapsed back onto the bed. “Tell Gummy… he always goes flat when he tries to hit that high B. He really needs to work on that…” With those words, she drifted into blissful unconsciousness. “Well…” Twilight said. “I guess there’s still one last pony who might be able to help…” Spike gasped and turned to Twilight goggle-eyed. “No, Twilight… you can’t!” To be continued in Act II Author's Note Edited 9MAY13 by BBofC of the Proof-reading, Pre-reading, and Editing Group. MademoiselleDITZY DON’T ~ BICO ACT II: MADEMOISELLE “Well, I really don’t know what you expect me to do, Darling,” Rarity said apprehensively. “From what I’ve heard, the poor dear’s rather a lost cause.” “Oh, Miss Rarity,” Ditzy said with shimmering eyes. “I’ll try my best. You’re the most talented, beautiful, graceful pony in Ponyville. Maybe in all of Equestria!” Rarity began to tear up at Ditzy’s praise. She neatly ignored Spike’s frantic negative gesticulations. “Why… it would be my dream come true if I could be like you,” Ditzy continued, shyly digging her hoof into the ground. “Like me?” Rarity repeated, swimming in a sea of vanity. Ditzy nodded. “I’d be ever so grateful for your generosity.” “Hnnnngggg...” Rarity had to turn away and bite her hoof to keep herself under control. After a moment she regained her composure and turned back to her three visitors with a gracious smile. “Well, I can’t just ignore a plea for help, can I? And, when it comes to grace and ladylike behavior, you couldn’t have found a better pony for the job.” Spike sighed and Twilight turned back to him. “Don’t worry. We’ll keep an eye on them this time.” They followed Rarity into her boutique and she set to work immediately. “Alright, dear. The first lesson in being a proper lady is presentation. Just hold still…” Rarity’s horn flared and in an instant fabric, needles and thread flew through the air. From the nearby vanity, a fleet of makeup supplies flew in formation, the compact at the apex of the flying V. The flight leader opened, deploying its payload of powder and obscured Ditzy from view while the other supplies joined in the fray. “Maybe we shouldn’t let so many sharp objects near Ditzy,” Spike commented to Twilight, who looked a bit nervous about it, herself. When the air cleared, Ditzy was wearing a gorgeous ensemble and the highest quality makeup. Unfortunately, her dress was on backward and her makeup seemed as if it had been applied somewhat askew of her actual face. Rarity glowered at her. "You moved, didn't you?" Ditzy smiled nervously. "Sorry, everything was just so... fun." "Right, Darling," Rarity said as she approached with a rag. "This isn't too bad, I can fix you up in two shakes of a pony's tail.” She frowned as she saw Ditzy looked back at her tail and gave it a couple wags. As if speaking to a yearling, she explained, "That's a figure of speech, Dear." "I'm not a deer, I'm a pony," Ditzy said while scanning the boutique’s interior and finding herself particularly attracted to the sparkling, gem-encrusted dresses adorning the mannequines. She hardly noticed as Rarity meticulously began to correct her makeup. "Indeed," Rarity said distractedly as she focused on her craft. After a few moments, she adjusted Ditzy's flowing dress and took a few steps back to appraise her. Her makeup had been mostly wiped, with only a few minimal touches highlighting her cheekbones and eyes. The silken lavender fabric was now turned the right way around, but hung awkwardly from her frame. "Well, it's not quite what I had in mind, but it's not bad." "You look... wonderful, Ditzy," Twilight said encouragingly. Spike rolled his eyes. "She looks kind of ridiculous if you ask me." "Spike," Twilight hissed at him, elbowing him in the gut. "Well..." Rarity said pensively. "We’ll work on it." She turned around and beckoned the three to follow, levitating several stacks of books into the air. "On to Step 2." "Oh," Twilight said, excitement oozing from her voice. "You're going to have her read all these books, right? That's a wonderful idea." Rarity gave her a pointed look. "Ah, no Twilight. You don't learn proper poise from reading books. You learn proper poise from wearing them." With that, she lowered the stacks onto Ditzy's head, back, and even her outstretched wings. "Now, I want you to begin walking and I don't want a single book to drop to the ground." "Wow," Spike said with a hint of awe. "This seems like one of those things Rainbow makes Scootaloo do for flight practice. Is fashionista training really this grueling?" "Oh, you haven't known pain until you've been to Fashion Boot Camp, Darling," Rarity said, a haunted look descending upon her for a moment. She snapped out of it as Ditzy began to fidget. "Now, don't you let those books wobble. I see you!" she roared at the struggling Ditzy, who jumped in shock and caused one of the books to drop to the floor. Rarity got right into Ditzy's face. "That's it, you're going to give me 20 curtsies!" An hour of posture training mostly resulted in a sore, bruised Ditzy and a dozen battered books. At Twilight’s insistence, they finally moved onto speech. “Alright, now,” Rarity said, levitating a small sack along with her as she trotted over to Ditzy. “Repeat after me and speak exactly as I do: ‘With blackest moss, the flower pots were thickly crusted one and all.’” “‘With blackest moss, the flower pots were thickly crusted one and all’?” Ditzy echoed with confusion. Rarity opened the sack and began to take out several shimmering gemstones. “Oh, yes, very good, but try it now.” She grabbed Ditzy’s jaw and yanked open her mouth shoving the gems inside until Ditzy looked like a squirrel storing nuts for later. “I want you to enunciate every word just as if those gems were not in your mouth.” “Wi’ brackeh mah, ‘ah fwowah...” Ditzy said, straining around the mouthful of jewels. “Pots...” Rarity finished leadingly. “I ca’, I ca’!” Ditzy cried pitifully. Twilight’s brows knit sympathetically as she watched Ditzy sob quietly. “Are the gems really necessary, Rarity?” “If they were necessary for the great orator Battle Loss, then they are necessary for Ditzy Doo.” Rarity withdrew another diamond and gleefully stuffed it into Ditzy's mouth. “Try again.” “You think Rarity would give me speech lessons, Twilight?” Spike asked. He noted her exasperated glance and said defensively, “What, can you blame a dragon for liking the idea of being hoof-fed gems?” “Wwwithh bllacketht mothpth thah fflowah potpthhpthh!” Ditzy shouted, spraying spittle and gems into Rarity’s face. “Right,” Rarity said with a frown. “Good improvement, but maybe we should move on to the next step. First, however, I’m going to ensure that this rain in my mane falls mainly down the drain.” After Rarity cleaned herself up, she quickly prepared the room. She lit it with candles and laid a roll of rice paper out on the floor. She gestured to the paper. “You must walk across this rice paper and leave no hoofprint.” Spike crossed his arms and gave a huff. “I hate to say this, but I’m starting to think Rarity’s just making this stuff up.” Twilight shrugged. “Well, it makes some sense at least.” Ditzy took a single step on the rice paper and instantly tripped, the paper tearing and wrapping around her body as she screamed desperately. She rolled across the floor and crashed through the window. The other three winced as they heard a thud a moment later. “Well… that was…” Rarity paused, searching for the right word. “Something.” Later, after they made sure Ditzy was alright, Rarity had her sitting on a cushion surrounded by incense. “Alright, Darling,” she said. “I’m a master of the sewing needle, as you know, but I learned a little something about acupuncture from an old dragon-pony in the East.” “There are… dragon-ponies?” Spike said with a goofy grin on his face as he looked longingly at Rarity. “As in… dragons and ponies…?” “Spike,” Twilight scolded. “Ideas. Stop getting them.” “Now,” Rarity said as she grabbed a few needles between her teeth. “This should bring all your physical systems into balance, and hopefully this will suffice to cause you to stop breaking my windows.” She stuck one needle into Ditzy's shoulder, who gave a yelp of surprise as her body went rigid. “Now, Dear, don’t overreact.” She placed another needle in Ditzy’s neck, causing her head to suddenly loll unnaturally to the side. “Hmm… now, I don’t recall that happening before.” Rarity shrugged and placed another needle in Ditzy’s elbow, causing her leg to jerk back and buck Rarity right in the face. “It’s okay Ditzy,” Twilight said as they sat around her table back at the library. She horned through her book absentmindedly as she spoke. “Rarity did say she would be happy to try again later…” “After she gets over the embarrassment of that black eye you gave her,” Spike added. “At least she and AJ finally have something in common.” “Spike…” Twilight said warningly. “She’ll probably want to get those scorch marks in her mane fixed, too,” Spike finished. Twilight glared at him. “Not helping, Spike.” Ditzy sat on the floor, her crossed eyes shimmering widely as her lower lip spilled out into a pout. “There has to be something I can do,” she said mournfully. Twilight felt her heart breaking. Surely Rainbow Dash can forgive her by now? It had, after all, been a month since the thunderstorm catastrophe. Then her eyes drifted back to her book and it was as if she’d been struck. Twilight smiled broadly. How could she have been so blind? “Wait… I have it.” “Huh?” Ditzy asked. “I know exactly what to do to help you become the best pony you can be.” Rainbow Dash lounged contentedly in the cloud-filled sky. It had been a calm month that lacked weather disasters or random objects falling on her head, unless one included Pinkie. She hadn't realized how much extra work Derpy had actually caused. I could get used to this. Still, she thought. I didn't really mean what I said. I was just angry. Her smile slowly began to fade. If Derpy had come back by now, I'd have given her job back. Even her visitation rights. Maybe I should go find her... but... I mean, she's the one who did wrong, right? Why should I have to go begging her to come back? Suddenly, a streak in the air roused Rainbow from her gray thoughts. "What was that?" As if in response, the blur arched back toward her and performed a double loop before setting down gracefully on a nearby cloud in a perfect pose. Rainbow's jaw dropped. Standing on that cloud was a pegasus mare with a shiny gray coat and luxuriant blonde hair. She was wearing a simple, streamlined violet dress and her dark purple eyeshadow complemented her light golden eyes, both of which were focused solely on her. Rainbow felt her heart stop for an instant as she looked into those intense eyes. "D-Derp...?" "Hush, Darling," Ditzy said with a sultry grin. "Really, Rainbow, there's no need to be so gauche. You may call me Mademoiselle Doo." Rainbow crinkled her brow with confusion. "Rari...?" but then shook it off. "Alright, 'Mademoiselle Doo’, you put on a good show. I guess I'll let you back on the weather team as long as you try to stay out of too much trouble." "Oh, dear.” Mademoiselle Doo put a hoof to her brow, her tone breathy and her face tight with what seemed quite convincingly like anguish. "I do believe you still lack confidence in my ability." Rainbow gave her a skeptical stare. "Well..." "I've a proposition, Dashie," she said, ignoring Rainbow's eye twitch. "It's a rather cloudy day, hm? How fast would you say you could clear this?" Rainbow looked around and laughed cockily. "This? Ten sec—" "—onds flat, yes," Ditzy interrupted. "Well... go for it." "Huh?" Rainbow was very confused, now. She thought Ditzy was trying to prove herself, not Rainbow Dash. "Unless your boasts overreach your means," Mademoiselle Doo said. "I'm not 100% sure what that meant, but it sounded like a challenge. Alright..." Rainbow reared up and dashed off. She sped to the first cloud, but in a flash of blonde, it was gone. Not thinking too hard about it, she zipped to the next one, but that vanished before her eyes as well. One-by-one all the clouds in the sky were cleared, and Rainbow Dash hung in midair, stunned speechless. Mademoiselle Doo floated down into her line of sight with a smug look on her face. "Five... seconds... flat," she said as she primped her hair and dress, which had remained flawlessly arranged. Rainbow Dash smiled widely. “That… that was awesome, Der… uh, Mademoiselle Doo. How did you… what did you…?” “All it took,” Mademoiselle Doo said, placing her hoof delicately on her chest. “Was a little dedication, hard work and a little help from a good friend.” “Well, I have to say, I’m really impressed with you right now,” Rainbow Dash said. “Heck, if you keep this up, I may even promote you to assistant manager.” She looked pensive for a moment. “Though… I have to ask… what’s wrong with your eyes?” “Pardon?” Rainbow coughed uncomfortably. “Well… it’s been, like, five minutes and you haven’t looked at me all crazy-eyed even once.” Mademoiselle Doo laughed delicately. “Oh, my, Rainbow, that would hardly be ladylike.” Rainbow Dash chuckled as she said, “You just beat me at cloud sweeping. That’s not exactly ladylike…” “Oh, pish-tosh,” Mademoiselle Doo said, turning her nose up haughtily and patting Rainbow Dash condescendingly on the head. “Just because you can’t manage it gracefully doesn’t mean one can’t be athletic and ladylike at the same time.” Rainbow Dash was starting to feel a strange churning in her stomach as Mademoiselle Doo spoke. She wasn’t too familiar with it as of late, but it didn’t take too long to recall what had been a very accustomed feeling in her foalhood: inadequacy. No, she thought. I should be proud of my friend for achieving her goals, not wallowing in self-pity because she's suddenly… better than me. “I’m… I’m happy for you… Mademoiselle Doo.” “Indeed,” Doo said with a genuine smile and a flutter of her eyelashes. “Well, what do you say we go back to your place and I can bake you some muffins? You know, a sort of celebratory thing.” Rainbow Dash smiled uncertainly. “Oh, um… I dunno…” she still remembered last time Derpy had tried to cook. Then again, this was Mademoiselle Doo, who seemed to be incapable of doing wrong. “Oh, what the hay? Sure, let’s go.” Within the hour, Rainbow Dash was salivating over a freshly baked pan of rainbow swirl muffins. Mademoiselle Doo smiled sweetly at her and said, “Now, Rainbow, don’t eat them too quickly. They are hot.” Rainbow Dash did her best to follow those instructions. But the smell of the muffins was too tempting and she ended up devouring the whole pan full. “Ow, I thing I burn’d my dhoungue,” she complained. “I did tell you,” Mademoiselle Doo said as she wiped Rainbow’s mouth with an embroidered hoofkerchief. “And you got crumbs all over your muzzle. You are a mess, my dear.” She winked. “But don’t worry. I’ll take good care of you.” Rainbow wasn’t sure how to feel about that. However, her anxiety was put to rest as Mademoiselle Doo trotted behind her and began to work her hooves into Rainbow’s back. She was about to protest, but the sudden wave of relaxation that washed over her stole the objections out of her mouth. “Ooh, Darling, you are so tense,” Mademoiselle Doo said. “I cannot abide you suffering like this. Oh, idea!” She puckered her lips and began to whistle, reproducing almost perfectly the sounds of various bird calls. “What are you…?” Rainbow started to say lethargically. Birds suddenly flew into her cloud home and twittered at Mademoiselle Doo. “What are these birds doing in my house?” Mademoiselle Doo whistled at the birds and they began to fly about collecting brushes while a couple others grabbed some files in their beaks and began to file her hooves. “No… no, this is… too girly. I can’t…” “Don’t fret, dear,” Mademoiselle Doo said as she redoubled her efforts on Rainbow’s aching muscles. “I will take absolute care of you. You won’t have to lift a hoof.” “Well…” Rainbow said after a moment. “I guess this isn’t so bad. As long as nopony knows about this. Ever.” “Of course,” Mademoiselle Doo said with a pleased smile. Rainbow Dash reclined comfortably in a fluffy white cloud. Mademoiselle Doo had prepared it for her and it was surprisingly softer than most other clouds. As relaxing as last month’s work had been without Derpy, this month’s was even better. The increased competence of her formerly most disastrous worker had been so profound that she could actually take care of most problems that arose before Rainbow Dash even registered them. And, of course, being waited on hoof and hoof is nice, too. She paused to consider the oddness of that phrase, but then put it out of her mind and opened her mouth to let one of Mademoiselle Doo’s avian friends plop another grape into it. Another was fanning her with its wings to keep her comfortably cool on this warm day. “Y’know,” she said to herself. “With all this free time, I should really put in some training. I’ll be in shape to join the Wonderbolts for sure.” She got to her hooves and prepared to launch herself off the cloud when suddenly she was impeded by her number one weathermare. “Whoa, what’s going on?” “Rainbow,” Mademoiselle Doo said with a pout. “What are you doing? You should really lay back down and relax.” “I’ve… I’ve been relaxing,” Rainbow Dash said. “I’m just gonna stretch my wings a little.” “Oh, no dear,” Mademoiselle Doo said, pushing her gently back. “You really shouldn’t. Remember what happened when you went to ‘stretch your wings’ last week?” Rainbow cringed in embarrassment. “That… that was… I just don’t know what went wrong with that trick, but you gotta crash a few times before you can make progress.” Mademoiselle Doo scooped Rainbow up into her embrace and said, “Oh, Darling, I simply could not live with myself if you got hurt because I let you go gallivanting out on your own. I mean, you’re so… so accident prone.” “I… I guess,” Rainbow said, a little lost as Mademoiselle Doo continued to snuggle her. “Please promise me that you’ll lay back right here and not do anything rash,” Mademoiselle Doo said, patting her head lovingly. Rainbow settled back into the cloud with a grimace at her athletic pursuits being stymied. However, one look into the sincere and caring eyes that fixed themselves upon her, and the words just slipped out. "A-alright, I promise." Ditzy nodded in approval and fluttered off. Rainbow languished in luxury for a while longer, but she could feel herself growing more and more agitated with her inactivity. It was then that she noticed a strange quality to the clouds around her, as well as the wind picking up. She could feel something was wrong with the weather in her feathers, and she began to tingle with excitement as she looked around for the problem. She saw it. A funnel was slowly descending from the heavens and, from the looks of it, it would head straight for Ponyville. She leaped off the cloud and made a beeline for the tornado. “Finally, it's time for some action.” When Rainbow got to the site, however, a whole host of pegasi were already there with Mademoiselle Doo taking point. “Alright, everypony from Cloudchaser to the right go high. Left of Cloudchaser, go low. Remember to fly counter to the rotation and don’t go directly into the funnel. Move out!” Rainbow Dash frowned as her pegasi saluted Mademoiselle Doo and made for the twister. “Hey, what are you doing?” “Oh, Darling,” Mademoiselle Doo said sweetly. “I have everything under control. You just go relax.” “No way,” Rainbow protested. “This is what I’m here for. I’m going in.” She flew past Mademoiselle Doo and straight into the tornado with Doo following closely behind. “Alright, ponies, let’s get to work,” she shouted over the wind, feeling the need to reassert her authority. “Oh, my dear,” Mademoiselle Doo said chidingly. “You really mustn’t do this. After all, I’m more than capable of doing the work of two of you.” Rainbow grit her teeth at the cocky assertion and put her wings into overdrive. Mademoiselle Doo pulled ahead quickly, infuriating Rainbow even more. She couldn’t let that clumsy pegasus get away with showing her up like this. She tried to shave off some distance by edging ever closer to the funnel. Recklessly close, one might say. In fact, in her competitive drive to close the gap, she clipped her wing on the edge of the tornado. Hitting oncoming wind blowing at 200 mph when one is traveling at approximately the same speed is effectively similar to hitting a brick wall at about four hundred miles per hour. Rainbow could certainly believe that as she found herself suddenly buffeted back, slamming into other ponies as she made her round about the twister before being forcefully ejected in a screaming equine ball and smashing into the ground. “Cover that instability,” Mademoiselle Doo was shouting as she coped with the sudden loss of several ponies. She picked up her own speed and in a matter of moments their counter spiral had enough momentum to cancel out the tornado. The other pegasi cheered and lifted Mademoiselle Doo into the air—or, at least, they lifted her further into the air than she was—and carried her off, chanting her name. “Oh, Rainbow,” Mademoiselle Doo said. “You should really just go home and relax. I’ll be there in two shakes of a pony’s tail.” “Yeah, Rainbow Crash,” One of the ponies said crossly as she dusted herself off and lifted off to join the others. “Maybe you should just go home.” To be concluded in Act III... Author's Note Edited 10MAY13 by BBofC of the Proof-reading, Pre-reading, and Editing Group. Best Friends ForeverDITZY DON’T ~ BICO ACT III: BEST FRIENDS FOREVER Rainbow Dash sulked in her cloudy bed. She couldn’t believe that her friend—Derpy, of all ponies—had shown her up so spectacularly. Not only that, but she'd looked like a complete foal. What could she do about this? “Oh, Dashie,” Mademoiselle Doo called as she kicked the front door to Rainbow’s house in. “Darling, you look absolutely wretched. Do buck up, will you? I have some wonderful news.” She pranced in front of the glowering Rainbow Dash. “Guess who’s just been made captain of the Ponyville Weather Team. That’s right, it’s moi!” While the rest of her body maintained its despondent slump, Rainbow’s eyes bugged out of her head. “I see…” she said with a calmness that belied her fury. “I’m very happy for you, Mademoiselle Doo.” “Quite,” Mademoiselle Doo said, leaning over Rainbow and patting her hoof comfortingly. “And don’t you worry about a thing. I’ve made sure you won’t have to worry about the weather ever again.” “Oh?” Rainbow said, still frighteningly calm. “What did you do?” “I told them that you’re in no condition to be working as a weathermare,” Mademoiselle Doo said. She picked Rainbow up and positioned her on her cumulus bed, and then she pulled the cloud cover over her. “I’m going to be taking care of you, Rainbow.” She touched her muzzle to her former boss’. “For… ev… er.” A blood vessel burst in Rainbow’s left eye, but she remained unresponsive. “Well, then,” Mademoiselle Doo said as she leapt up from the bed and trotted into the kitchen. “I’m going to go make you some of those delicious rainbow-swirl muffins you like so much. Ooh, we can throw a party. A Doo/Dash Best Friends Forever party. We’ll be the only two invited, of course, but that will make it just so much better.” As Mademoiselle Doo continued to ramble on in the kitchen, Rainbow calmly threw off the cloud cover, got to her hooves, and bolted out the door… without bothering to open it first. Spike flexed his tiny draconic muscles in the mirror and studied his sculpted, baby-like form. “Lookin’ good, Spike,” he told his reflection. “Lookin’ reeeeal good.” At that moment, somepony began to pound on the door frantically, shouting “Twilight! Twilight, you get your big egg head out here. I’ve got problems!” Spike sighed and went to the door, opening it casually. He opened his mouth to speak, but a deranged Rainbow Dash pushed past him and into the library, swinging her head around to try to find her anticipated savior. He dusted himself off and said, “Like I was about to say, Twilight’s not here right now.” “What?” Rainbow screamed. “She can’t be gone. I need her help right now!” “Calm down, Dash,” Spike said, holding his claws up wardingly. “What’s the problem?” “The problem is Mademoiselle D—augh, I mean Derpy,” Rainbow frantically paced in front of Spike. “First she comes back and she’s, like, eighty-seven percent cooler than she was. But then she’s all like, ‘lookit how cool I am’ and shows me up in front of everypony and now she’s starting to really creep me out.” She took a deep breath at the end of her rapid-fire explanation. “Whoa,” Spike said. “This is about Ditzy Doo?” “Yes!” “So…” Spike said, scratching the scales on the back of his head nervously. “You don’t like the new her?” “No!” “Oh,” Spike said. He crossed his arms. “Well, that’s too bad.” Rainbow pulled at her mane and rolled her eyes. “Too ba—that’s an understatement!” Then her hooves dropped lamely to the floor and her face went slack as something clicked in her brain. “Wait… do you… do you know something about what’s happened to her?” “Whatever gives you that idea?” Spike asked with a high pitched squeak that bespoke deep guilt. Rainbow glowered and raised an eyebrow. “Just call it a hunch.” “Okay,” Spike conceded, his hands held up in surrender. “Twilight really wanted to help fix Ditzy’s problem. So we took her around to all our friends to see if they could teach her to be… you know… less ditzy.” “Yeah,” Rainbow said flatly. “I’m guessing that didn’t go so well.” Spike shook his head. “No, not really. Anyway, Twilight had an idea. See, she was studying some new spells from this book…” He went over to one of the library’s shelves and withdrew a book with the name Magical Mimicry on the cover. “Oh, no…” Rainbow said, pure horror dripping from her face. “Did she turn Rarity into Derpy?” “No!” Spike said, aghast. He could hardly imagine anyone changing the soft, marshmallow coat, the fragrant mulberry mane, or the summery sapphire eyes of the most perfect unicorn in Equestria even one iota from her perfect self, after all. “No, we changed Ditzy.” “What?” Rainbow said. “How?” “Well,” Spike said, settling into the same kind of egghead lecturer voice with which Twilight often lulled Rainbow Dash to sleep. “One particular spell allows someone to mimic certain talents or personality traits of another pony perfectly.” “So…” Rainbow said, scratching her chin thoughtfully. “Derpy’s just acting like Rarity because of some spell?” Spike held up a claw. “Not just Rarity. Twilight decided to make sure the spell cured every ditzy bone in that mare's body. She wanted to give her Rarity’s grace and fashion sense, Fluttershy’s kindness and caring, Pinkie Pie’s cooking ability and Applejack’s athleticism.” Rainbow Dash pondered this revelation, and her eyes widened with horror. “Spike… just how specific is this spell in… giving ponies others’ traits?” “Um... it didn't sound very specific," Spike said, flipping the book open. "It just says here that the spell will give anypony the personality and skills of anypony else and can be broken by a command word created by the caster." Rainbow considered this. "So... Derpy has all the personality traits of our friends rolling around in her head?" She began to feel a panic building inside her. "Even... even..." Spike’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "Even the bad ones." The door began to pound once again. "Rainbow," Mademoiselle Doo's voice called urgently. "Rainbow, I know you're in there." Her voice became lower pitched and she said, "Yeah, I saw you come in. I told the lovely and charming Mademoiselle Doo everything." Rainbow Dash and Spike locked eyes, instantly recognizing and affirming each other's cold fear. They bolted for the stairs as the banging on the door got louder and more violent and were halfway up when the door shattered under the force of Mademoiselle Doo's powerful hind legs. She leaped into the room with wild eyes, towing a stack of rocks and a piece of cloud sculpted into a misshapen pony head. "You! Will! Love me!!" "Go, go, go!" Rainbow grabbed Spike and flew up the stairs at top speed. After dropping Spike on Twilight’s bedroom floor, she became a prismatic blur as she rounded up heavy objects with which to barricade the door. When four pony-sized stacks of books, a rocking chair, Twilight’s bed and the bathtub had been piled in front of the door, Rainbow dropped in front of the barricade and reinforced it with her own body weight. Panting and wide-eyed, she looked to Spike. "Okay... Spike... Where is Twilight right now? She's gotta fix this." "Well," Spike rubbed his chin as he plopped down beside her. "She had to get some ingredients for some experiment she's working on. So she went to the Everfree Forest to see Zecora." "Zecora," Rainbow Dash repeated. "Perfect. We have to get there, fast." Zipping to the window, she pushed it open window and was about to launch herself out when she paused. "Wait... she's faster than I am." She scowled. "How is she faster than me, anyway? Applejack's a good match at a ground race, but..." "Oh, well," Spike said with a shrug. "I guess it's some combination of that and our other friends' traits. Like Rarity's gracefulness, or..." "Or Pinkie Pie's ability to get where I'm going before I do even though she doesn't have wings?" Rainbow guessed. "Yeah," Spike said with a snap of his claws. "Something like that." Rainbow turned in horror as she heard hoofsteps coming up the stairs. "Rainbow... Rainbow Craaaash. Come out and play." Rainbow grabbed Spike by his cheeks and glared into his eyes. "We need some kind of distraction, Spike," she shouted, fear rising in her voice. Spike shoved himself from her grasp and looked frantically about the room. "Distraction... distraction...” he jogged in place. Desperation brought a spell of brilliance to Spike’s mind. “I’ve got it!” he proclaimed with a snap of his claws. “Help me move the tub to the center of the room!” “Got it!” Rainbow shouted and pushed the tub away from the barricade as Mademoiselle Doo started bucking at the door. With their last spare seconds, Spike threw Twilight’s comforter over the bathtub’s curtain rod. The head of an axe hacked through the wood of the door, sending splinters flying. "Heeeeere's Misty!" came a high pitched screech as a deformed pony head made of cloud-stuff suddenly peeked in from the hole. The cloud disappeared from the breach and Spike frantically fiddled with the last of his preparations. The doorknob turned and the door pushed open, easily shrugging aside the barricade around it almost as if it weren’t even there. Mademoiselle Doo hovered into the room with a poised posture and carrying the pony-head-shaped cloud and a rock companion in her forelegs. "Misty, you mustn't startle ponies like tha—" "Behold!" Spike called out with an exaggerated flourish of his cape and a tip of his top hat. "What's this?" Mademoiselle Doo said with the utmost fascination. Green smoke billowed around him as Spike twirled a large, busy mustache. "I am Spikini, the Great and Powerful! Witness with awe my powers of prestidigitation and my astounding slight-of-claw." "Ooooh." Mademoiselle Doo beamed with wide eyes before taking a seat on her haunches. "Look at that mustache, Rocky," she stage whispered to the rocks. "I've always sort of had a thing for dragons with mustaches." "I will now shock and amaze you with one of my most shocking... and amazing tricks," Spikini said with a quiet tension in his voice that made Mademoiselle Doo, Misty and Rocky lean forward in their metaphorical seats. "For this trick I shall require my beautiful assistant, Dash the Incredible." With erect wings and her nose in the air, Rainbow Dash trotted out confidently in a sparkling gold dress and a winning smile. After greeting their audience with a respectful bow, she subtly leaned to Spike. "How did you talk me into this?" she whispered through clenched teeth. "Oh, Rainbow Dash," Mademoiselle Doo said, hooves to blushing cheeks and eyes wide with adulation. "I didn't know you were a showpony." Rainbow's expression soured momentarily, but she quickly threw her game face back on. She knew they'd have to make this look natural. Somehow. Spikini unfurled the comforter shower curtain he had placed over the bathtub. "Now, for my most amazing and shocking trick—" "I thought it was shocking and amazing," Mademoiselle Doo interrupted with disappointment in her voice. "Er..." Spike hesitated. "Yes. My most shocking and amazing trick... I will cause my lovely assistant to... disappear." Mademoiselle Doo and her friends gasped in horror. "No, you can't make my Dashie-washie disappear!" Spike paused when his heart nearly jumped into his throat. His eyes widened and shifted from left to right before regaining his composure. "... and then... reappear again." "Ohhhh," Mademoiselle Doo said with renewed excitement. “Now with the magic words,” Spike said, dramatically waving his arms about. “Equum defluo!” He blew green flame behind the curtain, causing smoke to billow out. “And presto.” He ripped the curtain down to reveal that Dash had indeed vanished. “Ahhhh!” Mademoiselle Doo clopped her hooves together in delight. “That was simply marvelous.” Her happy grin vanished and her face became as stony as her rock companion. “Now bring her back.” Spikini held up a claw. "Patience, fillies and gentle... objects. In order to bring my lovely assistant back from the mysterious beyond, I'll need a volunteer from the audience." "Ooh, ooh!" Misty made her desire known through squeaks and squeals while Mademoiselle Doo waved a hoof in the air excitedly. Rocky remained ambivalent. "She can stay gone if ya ask me. Last time we met she knocked my rock off." "You, Mademoiselle Doo," Spikini said. "Come on down. For my next trick; we employ the Crate of Binding." "'Crate of Binding'?" Mademoiselle Doo asked suspiciously. "As in 'binding two BPFFs together... forever'!" Spike said. "Oh, okay," Mademoiselle Doo said brightly and cantered into the pony-sized crate. Spikini closed it up and quickly sealed it with a hammer and nails before wrapping thick chains around it. After he finished his task, he tossed off his hat and cape. His claws lingered for a moment on the mustache before ripping it off as well. "Alright, time to get out of here before Ditzy catches wise," he whispered to himself. With that, he made his way down the stairs and out the door. "Spikini?" Mademoiselle Doo asked from the box. "Spikini the Great and Powerful, what's going on? Is this part of the trick?" A minute lapsed in silence before Rocky growled, "I think you been had." Rainbow Dash shot over Everfree Forest like lightning. She could hardly believe Spike's plan had worked. Once he had covered her with his smoke, she'd just flown right out the window. She only hoped he managed to hold Mademoiselle Doo up long enough for her to reach Zecora's house. It wasn't long before Rainbow saw Zecora's modest home and Twilight leaving it with a goodbye wave to its occupant. "Twilight!" Rainbow shouted as she dive-bombed the most beautiful sight she could possibly lay eyes upon at that moment. "Augh! Rainbow Dash, what are you doing? Get off," Twilight said, struggling to get out of Rainbow's pin. "Twilight, your spell messed Derpy's head up worse than ever," Rainbow replied, her snout firmly pressed against Twilight's. "You have to fix this." "What?" Twilight asked. "What's wrong with Ditzy Doo? She seemed fine when I saw her last..." Rainbow glared at Twilight accusingly. “Okay,” Twilight said, shoving Rainbow's face back a little. “I thought something like this might happen.” “And you did it anyway,” Rainbow said. “Well...” Twilight glanced away sheepishly. “It was a… last resort. Besides, I thought I’d figured out how to layer the personalities properly. I guess the interaction of four different personalities must have caused some kind of… meltdown?” Rainbow stared at Twilight for a long moment. “You could say that,” she eventually answered. “It's alright,” Twilight said. Rainbow let her rise to her hooves and she shook some of the dirt out of her mane. “This is actually a simple fix. The spell can be broken if it goes out of control by saying a simple phrase, chosen by the caster. That is: me.” “Yeah, Spike told me,” Rainbow said irritably. “So what is it?” Twilight smirked. “I don’t think it’s a phrase you could say, Rainbow.” Rainbow rolled her eyes with a scoff. “Just tell me what it is, already.” “Oh, alright,” Twilight said, still giving her irate friend a bemused grin. “It’s—“ “Twiiiiiiiliiiiiiiiight,” a familiar voice screamed as a small purple blur streaked into the clearing. “Spike?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What’s going on?” “She’s coming,” Spike said hysterically while clutching his head and running in place. “She’s going to get us!” “Calm down, Spike,” Twilight said. “Who’s coming?” Rainbow snorted as she heard the flapping of pegasus wings. “Who do you think?” “Geronimo,” Rocky shouted as his component rocks flew out of the trees. Rocky’s alleged head hit Twilight square in her horn, knocking her out cold. “Horseapples,” Rainbow cursed. “I have you now, Rainbow,” Mademoiselle Doo declared, landing in a triumphant pose. “Listen,” Rainbow Dash said as she slowly backed away. “You don’t want to do this.” “Oh, don’t I?” Mademoiselle Doo said with a sneer. “And why not? Don’t you want to be taken care of?” Rainbow Dash frowned. “Well, yeah it’s okay sometimes, but… I mean, the way you’re doing it’s just...demeaning. Sure I can be messy and sure I screwed up on that tornado, but that doesn’t mean you can treat me like a dumb foal. Do you have any idea how that…?” She trailed off. “I do,” Mademoiselle Doo said coldly. “Now come on home with me.” Misty popped up from behind her and added, “Yeah, and we’ll make you cupcakes.” The way Misty said that really put Rainbow Dash on edge. Then again, she’d had some bad dreams about cupcakes. She shook her head. “No, listen Derp… I mean… Ditzy Doo… I know I haven’t been treating you all that well. Maybe I’ve been a little… well… a lot… condescending. And that was wrong of me, because even though you’re pretty clumsy sometimes, you’re also one of the bravest, kindest, and most self-sacrificing ponies I’ve ever met. And that’s why you’re one of my very best friends.” “And we’ll be friends for… ev… er,” Mademoiselle Doo declared. “Right…” Rainbow said, backing away slightly. She sighed and her ears flopped down the sides of her head. “Listen… I guess what I’m trying to say is… Ditzy, I’m sorry.” Mademoiselle Doo halted as if she’d just run into an invisible barrier, and her body began to glow softly. She then glowed more and more brightly until Dash had to avert her eyes from the glare. Then, almost as quickly the light faded. “It’s okay, Rainbow Dash,” Ditzy said happily. Rainbow beamed and galloped to her friend, scooping her up into a big hug. “Ditzy, you don’t know how happy I am to hear your honest-to-goodness voice again.” Ditzy blushed when Rainbow released her and said, “Sorry, Rainbow Dash. I guess even when I got all graceful I still managed to mess things up.” Rainbow Dash smiled. “Nah, that wasn’t you.” “Ohh…” Twilight groaned as she regained consciousness. She blinked in surprise upon seeing Ditzy back to her walleyed state. “I… I see you managed to find the phrase after all. Didn’t think you had it in you to actually apologize to her. Much less use her real name.” “Yeah,” Rainbow said, holding her snout a little higher with a smarmy grin spread across her muzzle. “Well, I guess you didn’t know me as well as you thought.” “And you didn’t know Ditzy as well as you thought, either,” Twilight said, shooting Rainbow a suggestive look. “Did you?” “I… guess not,” Rainbow Dash said, bowing her head. “Ya know, I guess I did learn something about friendship today…” “Spike?” Twilight said. “On it,” the baby dragon replied, whipping out a quill and a piece of parchment. He looked up at Rainbow expectantly. “Um… which… I’ll tell you all about later,” Rainbow Dash said, leaping into a hover. “Right now, I have to break the ‘bad’ news to the weather team.” She frowned. “Oh, it will be bad news for them, alright.” Then she zipped away toward Ponyville, leaving the others behind. “We’ll get her later, Spike,” Twilight said with a determined smile. “Well,” Ditzy said, leaning toward Twilight and giving her an expectant grin, “I guess I learned something about friendship, too…” “Oh, really?” Twilight asked dubiously. “Well, you are a friend, so…” Dear Princess Celestia, Hi, I’m Ditzy Doo, but my friends call me Derpy. Rainbow Dash is one of my best friends even though she sometimes gets mad at me because I’m so clumsy. Not long ago, she got really mad at me for some trouble I caused and I tried to change to make her happy. Well, I learned that while it’s not bad to improve yourself, you should never change who you are to please anypony else. I may be clumsy, my eyes may not point the same direction all the time, and my voice may sound a little coltish, but that’s what makes me who I am. Your loyal subject, Ditzy “Derpy” Doo End. Author's Note Edited 12MAY13 by BBofC of the Proof-reading, Pre-reading, and Editing Group.
I Just Don't Know What Went WrongDITZY DON’T ~ BICO ACT I: I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG The weather was warm and mild in Ponyville, courtesy of the resident Pegasus Weather Team. Birds sang sweetly as they flitted between trees looking for their morning meal, and the citizens of the tiny village began their day at ease. That peace and quiet was shattered by a rogue thunderstorm crashing through Sugarcube Corner, driving a dozen frightened bystanders to cover as the sound of lightning and a cry of, "Sooooooorrrrrrrryyyyyyyy!" coming from a young pegasus who clung to the cloud for dear life filled the square. The bystanders of the town square were just beginning to poke their heads out from cover when a rainbow blur shot through the air and caused several of them to lose their balance. Following the path of the storm, the streak slowed, Rainbow Dash's form becoming visible as she glared at the dark cloud and its rider. "Derpy!" she called. "Rein in that storm cloud!" "I-I-I'm trying!" Derpy cried out as she tried to tug the cloud into a climb. When she finally got her forelegs wrapped around the front of the cloud, she stamped her hind legs down on its rear and yanked the front end up. The cloud barely turned, and instead sent a bolt of lightning through the air. "Whoa," Rainbow gasped and flinched from the lightning flash in her eyes. She pressed onward in her slightly blinded state, but was caught in the belly by a weather vane and sent spinning. Her eyes cleared and she regained a visual on her target for a fraction of a second, which was all she needed to kick off the weather vane and use the momentum to launch herself at the cloud even faster. “Hold on, Derpy!” Derpy took Rainbow's advice and squeezed the cloud as hard as she could, which unleashed a torrent of rain in just about every direction but down and more random bolts of lightning streaked across the sky. "Yow!" Rainbow barely dodged a lightning bolt and zipped toward the out-of-control storm. She weaved heedlessly through the fulminations, dodging on pure instinct. Eventually she got herself into range and slammed her hooves into the cloud. The storm practically screeched to a halt and Rainbow proceeded to pry her shell-shocked charge off the cloud. With a couple light bucks in the right place, the storm returned to its dormant state. Once Rainbow was certain the cloud was stable, she shot a stern look at Derpy, who had the decency to look sheepish. "What the hay were you thinking?" Derpy shrugged and looked away. "I dunno... it just got away from me somehow." "Some..." Rainbow said, slack-jawed. "'Somehow'!?” Rainbow threw her front legs into the air. “You don't just 'somehow' cause a storm cloud to go on a rampage. Well, you do, obviously, but..." Rainbow suddenly found herself at a loss for words and resigned herself with a sigh. Derpy continued avoiding eye contact, her face growing increasingly guilty. "My bad," she said softly. "Look at all this," Rainbow continued, her hoof sweeping over the wet streets and scorched buildings. "You're darn right it's your bad. I'd tell you to clean it up, too, but I think that'd just make it worse!" Rainbow glared icicles at her subordinate, who responded with a cross-eyed stare. The previous eight months of being this part-timer's supervisor flashed through her mind. All of the accidents, damages, apologies, repairs and subsequent headaches piled onto her psyche all at once. By the time the flashback stopped, Rainbow could practically feel steam coming from her ears. Her teeth gritted and her voice cracked when she spoke, "Derpy...this is the last straw. You're banned from the Weather Team... in fact, don't even bother visiting Cloudsdale until you can stop being so... well... you." "Oh..." Derpy sulked. Her gloom only lasted a moment before a smile spread across her face and her ears perked. "Well, at least we'll see each other this afternoon. I'm bringing muffins!" Rainbow facefrogged angrily. "No,” she said firmly, jabbing her hoof in Derpy’s chest. “I don't want you coming to my house anymore. Every time you do, you manage to break something or set my house on fire.” She huffed with incredulity and silently prayed to Minerva to descend on them and explain the situation. “How do you even set a cloud on fire? I certainly don't know." Now Derpy's face fell into a truly distraught expression, and her eyes began to shimmer with unshed tears. "But, Rainbow Dash... you can't..." "Like hay I can't," Rainbow said as she turned around and flicked her six-hued tail. Before flying off with the cloud safely in her grasp, she gave Derpy a sidelong glance. "And by 'like hay I can't' I mean 'I can.' And I am!" Derpy's wing beats slowed as Rainbow took off, and she descended to the ground. For a moment she stood in the middle of the street as the other ponies resumed milling about the soggy streets and did their best to take this latest disruption to their routines in stride. "Ditzy Doo?" Ditzy turned and saw two familiar faces looking at her curiously. "Oh, hi, Twilight Sparkle. Hi Spike,” she said with a bright smile. “Sorry about the crate last Sunday." Twilight Sparkle rubbed her head at the memory. “That’s alright,” she said. “But… we saw that storm coming through from the library. What was that about? I didn’t think anything was scheduled this week.” Ditzy sighed and settled back into a glum mood. “It wasn’t.” “Oh…” Twilight said, and she exchanged a dubious look with Spike. “Well, at least Rainbow Dash managed to get a hold of it. I saw her flying off with that cloud just a minute ago.” “Yeah, Rainbow Dash saved the day,” Ditzy said. She looked up at the sky with a pained expression. “But she also banned me from weather duty and Cloudsdale.” “Can she do that?” Twilight asked, a bit shocked. Ditzy sighed. "Let's just say the city council doesn't have a very high opinion of me. Not only that, but Rainbow Dash is super popular, so it wouldn't take much for her to convince everypony to keep me out." Twilight frowned pensively. “But... don’t you live there?” Ditzy shook her head. “No. I used to, but I kept accidentally falling through the clouds while I was sleeping.” “Is that… a normal danger for pegasi?” Twilight asked. “No,” Ditzy said. “I… don’t know of anypony else who has that problem, actually. Anyway, it’s safer for me to live here in Ponyville. I don’t fall as far when I hit the ground.” “Well, that would explain…” Spike crossed his eyes at Twilight, for which she bopped him promptly on the head. “Well, I’m sure Rainbow Dash is just… um… frustrated right now.” Twilight attempted a reassuring smile. “Once she cools off everything will go back to normal.” Ditzy shook her head. “She said I had to stay away until I stop being me.” Her eyes watered up. “I don’t even know how a pony can stop being herself.” Twilight nodded in understanding. “I see. Well, you know, maybe we can help you there.” “You can?” Ditzy asked. “We can?” Spike echoed. “You wanna do wha-?” “Ditzy needs to learn how to be… well… less ditzy,” Twilight explained to her friend, Applejack. “And you think workin’ as a farmhoof will do that?” Applejack asked, eyeing Ditzy suspiciously as she seemed to stare into space... or possibly at the ground. She couldn't really tell. “I don’t know if I’m following.” “It’s obvious, isn’t it?” Twilight said. “You’re extremely well-coordinated, Applejack. And why is that?” “Well…” “Physical labor can have a positive impact on coordination,” Twilight explained. “If she works here for awhile, I’m sure she’ll learn to better control her body.” “Uh huh,” Applejack said, unconvinced. “I guess we can give it a shot.” Ditzy gave them a wide grin. “Yay!” she cheered. “I’m going to do my best to help you in whatever way I can.” One week, several spilled buckets, a dozen broken dishes and a field planted with the wrong seeds later, Applejack approached Ditzy—who was currently tangled in rope and dangling from the barn’s gutter. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do rope tricks like you, Applejack,” she fawned. “No kiddin’,” Applejack said glibly. “That there was just jumpin’ rope. I can only imagine what you’d do with a lasso.” She shook her head and sighed. “Listen. We’ll try one more thing, Ditz. Can’t nopony mess up applebucking too bad. Worst that’ll happen is no apples will fall.” Ditzy grinned and followed her new boss to the apple orchard. Upon arrival, she watched carefully as Applejack explained and demonstrated the perfect applebuck. “Think you can do it?” Applejack asked. Derpy nodded and moved herself into position. “Okay,” she said, going over the essentials. “Position, aim, breathing, and haunch squeeze,” she repeated under her breath for a few moments before lifting her back end and delivering a strong buck to the tree. Derpy smiled at the satisfying connection with the trunk and turned her head to watch for the fruits of her labor to fall to the ground. But they never came. With a deflated expression, she tried again and yielded the same results. She began to kick at the tree wildly and with growing frustration before Applejack stopped her. “Whoa, whoa there, partner,” she said. “Ya can’t get all in a huff ‘cause you didn’t get it right the first time. Just take a deep breath, get into position, and try again. With purpose!” “Sorry, Applejack” Ditzy frowned, but determination blazed in her eyes. “I can do this.” She breathed in deeply and let her mind focus on her goal. She would get those apples off that tree one way or another. She reared her hind legs into the air and, with a mighty squeeze of her muscles, she bucked the tree. The apples came off the tree alright, but not in the normal fashion. They were flying everywhere, filling her view with red deliciousness. “What the…” Applejack began as her eyes widened in shock. Her sentence was cut off when an apple separated from the flock and struck her in the eye, causing her vision to go dark. “Applejack…” “…” “Applejack, are you okay?” Light poured in through a newly cracked open eyelid. The other one refused to cooperate and throbbed painfully. “What… just happened?” “Sorry, Applejack,” Ditzy said. “I guess I got carried away.” Applejack looked around with her one good eye and her jaw dropped. There were apples everywhere. They were splattered across the ground and embedded in the sides of other trees. One of her trees had apparently been set on fire. Somehow. “Wh-wh-wh…” “Anything I can do to help?” Ditzy asked bashfully. Applejack turned to her and gave her a baleful look. “Ditzy… just… go. Just go and don’t come back. Never again.” “Uh…” Ditzy said nervously. “Okay. Sorry…” Ditzy smiled cheerily at the small, furry creatures that ran about the front yard of Fluttershy's peaceful cottage. "Well..." Fluttershy said, "She does seem to like animals, but..." "So it's perfect," Twilight said. "You can teach her to be more... delicate." "I guess... that might be okay," Fluttershy said. "Great," Twilight said. "I'm sure everything will be just fine." Fluttershy winced and looked fearfully at Ditzy, who was now tossing a baby squirrel into the air playfully and catching it in her hooves. "Please don't do that... if you don't mind..." "Twilight, are you sure about this?" Twilight looked up from her tome and regarded Spike with a quizzical expression. "What do you mean?" Spike leaned on his broom and sighed. "Well, leaving Ditzy alone with Fluttershy... and all those poor, defenseless animals. You saw the shiner on Applejack." "I understand what you mean, Spike, but we have to give our friends the benefit of the doubt." Twilight turned back to the pages of Magical Mimicry, the thick tome which she had been studying for several hours. "I believe Ditzy can really improve if she puts her mind to it, and I trust Fluttershy to be able to deal with a little klutziness." "Sure, Twilight. But... y'know, maybe it would be a good idea to check up on them. Y'know... maybe give them some... moral support?" Twilight closed the book and sighed. "I suppose you're right, Spike. It certainly wouldn't hurt. But I'm sure they're fine." "Nutty, don't you quit on me!!" Spike faceclawed as Twilight took in the scene with a morbid fascination. Fluttershy was currently performing frantic CPR on a ferret with a red and swollen face, and many of her animals were running wild. The chicken coop was on fire. Ditzy Doo was sitting bashfully in the middle of the chaos. "What happened here?" Twilight asked slowly. "Um..." Ditzy said. "I'm not sure what went wrong." "She fed Nutty nuts," Fluttershy cried. "I thought he'd like them..." Ditzy said. Fluttershy nearly tore a clump of her mane out with her hooves. "He's allergic to nuts!" "So his name's one of those ironic things..." Spike guessed. "And I guess I forgot to secure the pens," Ditzy admitted. "And I may have mixed up the chicken feed with the flame salamanders..." Fluttershy sighed in relief as Nutty began to cough and rolled back onto his feet. "Oh, thank goodness you're okay." She turned to Ditzy, her eyes blazing with the righteous fury of a protective Ursa Major. Rearing onto her hind legs, her barrel inflated as she breathed deeply through her nostrils, and her front hoof rose as if to strike the oblivious Ditzy. "I'm sorry,” Fluttershy said meekly, deflating and hiding her face behind her mane. “But this isn't going to work out." "Muffins!" Pinkie Pie bounced up and down with excitement. "Oh, this is going to be so great! Derpy Doo's one of my best customers, always first in line for my muffins. Well, except for that one time during applebuck season, but even I didn't want to look at a muffin for a while after that, so I can't blame her..." "I think this might be good for you, Ditzy," Twilight said. "Pinkie is a great baker and I’m sure she’ll be able to help you learn about attention to detail. Especially after last time." "I dunno, Twilight," Ditzy said, her face downcast as she rubbed her shoulder self-consciously. "I enjoy eating muffins, but I've never tried to make them before..." Twilight placed a hoof on Ditzy's back reassuringly. "Don't worry, I trust you." Spike rolled his eyes. "And with that shining endorsement, nothing can possibly go wrong." "Is... is Applejack getting enough rest?" Nurse Red Heart asked. "Not... Applejack..." Pinkie wheezed. She was now more Greenie than Pinkie and felt so queasy she didn't even care about the kitchen blaze that firefighters were still attempting to put out. "I had my eye out... for the worms. Didn't suspect... the ipecac." She coughed violently. "Don't know... why I even had that lying around." "Oops..." Ditzy said dejectedly. "Twi... Twilight. Come closer..." Pinkie pleaded. "Uh..." Twilight started forward. "Yes?" Pinkie desperately gasped for air and held out a foreleg. Twilight held her friend’s hoof as she summoned the strength to speak. "If I don't make it..." "Pinkie, you're going to be..." Pinkie pulled Twilight down to her muzzle and squished her face in between her hooves. ”If I don’t make it!” she squealed, her wide eyes boring into Twilight’s. The outburst left her drained and she collapsed back onto the bed. “Tell Gummy… he always goes flat when he tries to hit that high B. He really needs to work on that…” With those words, she drifted into blissful unconsciousness. “Well…” Twilight said. “I guess there’s still one last pony who might be able to help…” Spike gasped and turned to Twilight goggle-eyed. “No, Twilight… you can’t!” To be continued in Act II Author's Note Edited 9MAY13 by BBofC of the Proof-reading, Pre-reading, and Editing Group.
MademoiselleDITZY DON’T ~ BICO ACT II: MADEMOISELLE “Well, I really don’t know what you expect me to do, Darling,” Rarity said apprehensively. “From what I’ve heard, the poor dear’s rather a lost cause.” “Oh, Miss Rarity,” Ditzy said with shimmering eyes. “I’ll try my best. You’re the most talented, beautiful, graceful pony in Ponyville. Maybe in all of Equestria!” Rarity began to tear up at Ditzy’s praise. She neatly ignored Spike’s frantic negative gesticulations. “Why… it would be my dream come true if I could be like you,” Ditzy continued, shyly digging her hoof into the ground. “Like me?” Rarity repeated, swimming in a sea of vanity. Ditzy nodded. “I’d be ever so grateful for your generosity.” “Hnnnngggg...” Rarity had to turn away and bite her hoof to keep herself under control. After a moment she regained her composure and turned back to her three visitors with a gracious smile. “Well, I can’t just ignore a plea for help, can I? And, when it comes to grace and ladylike behavior, you couldn’t have found a better pony for the job.” Spike sighed and Twilight turned back to him. “Don’t worry. We’ll keep an eye on them this time.” They followed Rarity into her boutique and she set to work immediately. “Alright, dear. The first lesson in being a proper lady is presentation. Just hold still…” Rarity’s horn flared and in an instant fabric, needles and thread flew through the air. From the nearby vanity, a fleet of makeup supplies flew in formation, the compact at the apex of the flying V. The flight leader opened, deploying its payload of powder and obscured Ditzy from view while the other supplies joined in the fray. “Maybe we shouldn’t let so many sharp objects near Ditzy,” Spike commented to Twilight, who looked a bit nervous about it, herself. When the air cleared, Ditzy was wearing a gorgeous ensemble and the highest quality makeup. Unfortunately, her dress was on backward and her makeup seemed as if it had been applied somewhat askew of her actual face. Rarity glowered at her. "You moved, didn't you?" Ditzy smiled nervously. "Sorry, everything was just so... fun." "Right, Darling," Rarity said as she approached with a rag. "This isn't too bad, I can fix you up in two shakes of a pony's tail.” She frowned as she saw Ditzy looked back at her tail and gave it a couple wags. As if speaking to a yearling, she explained, "That's a figure of speech, Dear." "I'm not a deer, I'm a pony," Ditzy said while scanning the boutique’s interior and finding herself particularly attracted to the sparkling, gem-encrusted dresses adorning the mannequines. She hardly noticed as Rarity meticulously began to correct her makeup. "Indeed," Rarity said distractedly as she focused on her craft. After a few moments, she adjusted Ditzy's flowing dress and took a few steps back to appraise her. Her makeup had been mostly wiped, with only a few minimal touches highlighting her cheekbones and eyes. The silken lavender fabric was now turned the right way around, but hung awkwardly from her frame. "Well, it's not quite what I had in mind, but it's not bad." "You look... wonderful, Ditzy," Twilight said encouragingly. Spike rolled his eyes. "She looks kind of ridiculous if you ask me." "Spike," Twilight hissed at him, elbowing him in the gut. "Well..." Rarity said pensively. "We’ll work on it." She turned around and beckoned the three to follow, levitating several stacks of books into the air. "On to Step 2." "Oh," Twilight said, excitement oozing from her voice. "You're going to have her read all these books, right? That's a wonderful idea." Rarity gave her a pointed look. "Ah, no Twilight. You don't learn proper poise from reading books. You learn proper poise from wearing them." With that, she lowered the stacks onto Ditzy's head, back, and even her outstretched wings. "Now, I want you to begin walking and I don't want a single book to drop to the ground." "Wow," Spike said with a hint of awe. "This seems like one of those things Rainbow makes Scootaloo do for flight practice. Is fashionista training really this grueling?" "Oh, you haven't known pain until you've been to Fashion Boot Camp, Darling," Rarity said, a haunted look descending upon her for a moment. She snapped out of it as Ditzy began to fidget. "Now, don't you let those books wobble. I see you!" she roared at the struggling Ditzy, who jumped in shock and caused one of the books to drop to the floor. Rarity got right into Ditzy's face. "That's it, you're going to give me 20 curtsies!" An hour of posture training mostly resulted in a sore, bruised Ditzy and a dozen battered books. At Twilight’s insistence, they finally moved onto speech. “Alright, now,” Rarity said, levitating a small sack along with her as she trotted over to Ditzy. “Repeat after me and speak exactly as I do: ‘With blackest moss, the flower pots were thickly crusted one and all.’” “‘With blackest moss, the flower pots were thickly crusted one and all’?” Ditzy echoed with confusion. Rarity opened the sack and began to take out several shimmering gemstones. “Oh, yes, very good, but try it now.” She grabbed Ditzy’s jaw and yanked open her mouth shoving the gems inside until Ditzy looked like a squirrel storing nuts for later. “I want you to enunciate every word just as if those gems were not in your mouth.” “Wi’ brackeh mah, ‘ah fwowah...” Ditzy said, straining around the mouthful of jewels. “Pots...” Rarity finished leadingly. “I ca’, I ca’!” Ditzy cried pitifully. Twilight’s brows knit sympathetically as she watched Ditzy sob quietly. “Are the gems really necessary, Rarity?” “If they were necessary for the great orator Battle Loss, then they are necessary for Ditzy Doo.” Rarity withdrew another diamond and gleefully stuffed it into Ditzy's mouth. “Try again.” “You think Rarity would give me speech lessons, Twilight?” Spike asked. He noted her exasperated glance and said defensively, “What, can you blame a dragon for liking the idea of being hoof-fed gems?” “Wwwithh bllacketht mothpth thah fflowah potpthhpthh!” Ditzy shouted, spraying spittle and gems into Rarity’s face. “Right,” Rarity said with a frown. “Good improvement, but maybe we should move on to the next step. First, however, I’m going to ensure that this rain in my mane falls mainly down the drain.” After Rarity cleaned herself up, she quickly prepared the room. She lit it with candles and laid a roll of rice paper out on the floor. She gestured to the paper. “You must walk across this rice paper and leave no hoofprint.” Spike crossed his arms and gave a huff. “I hate to say this, but I’m starting to think Rarity’s just making this stuff up.” Twilight shrugged. “Well, it makes some sense at least.” Ditzy took a single step on the rice paper and instantly tripped, the paper tearing and wrapping around her body as she screamed desperately. She rolled across the floor and crashed through the window. The other three winced as they heard a thud a moment later. “Well… that was…” Rarity paused, searching for the right word. “Something.” Later, after they made sure Ditzy was alright, Rarity had her sitting on a cushion surrounded by incense. “Alright, Darling,” she said. “I’m a master of the sewing needle, as you know, but I learned a little something about acupuncture from an old dragon-pony in the East.” “There are… dragon-ponies?” Spike said with a goofy grin on his face as he looked longingly at Rarity. “As in… dragons and ponies…?” “Spike,” Twilight scolded. “Ideas. Stop getting them.” “Now,” Rarity said as she grabbed a few needles between her teeth. “This should bring all your physical systems into balance, and hopefully this will suffice to cause you to stop breaking my windows.” She stuck one needle into Ditzy's shoulder, who gave a yelp of surprise as her body went rigid. “Now, Dear, don’t overreact.” She placed another needle in Ditzy’s neck, causing her head to suddenly loll unnaturally to the side. “Hmm… now, I don’t recall that happening before.” Rarity shrugged and placed another needle in Ditzy’s elbow, causing her leg to jerk back and buck Rarity right in the face. “It’s okay Ditzy,” Twilight said as they sat around her table back at the library. She horned through her book absentmindedly as she spoke. “Rarity did say she would be happy to try again later…” “After she gets over the embarrassment of that black eye you gave her,” Spike added. “At least she and AJ finally have something in common.” “Spike…” Twilight said warningly. “She’ll probably want to get those scorch marks in her mane fixed, too,” Spike finished. Twilight glared at him. “Not helping, Spike.” Ditzy sat on the floor, her crossed eyes shimmering widely as her lower lip spilled out into a pout. “There has to be something I can do,” she said mournfully. Twilight felt her heart breaking. Surely Rainbow Dash can forgive her by now? It had, after all, been a month since the thunderstorm catastrophe. Then her eyes drifted back to her book and it was as if she’d been struck. Twilight smiled broadly. How could she have been so blind? “Wait… I have it.” “Huh?” Ditzy asked. “I know exactly what to do to help you become the best pony you can be.” Rainbow Dash lounged contentedly in the cloud-filled sky. It had been a calm month that lacked weather disasters or random objects falling on her head, unless one included Pinkie. She hadn't realized how much extra work Derpy had actually caused. I could get used to this. Still, she thought. I didn't really mean what I said. I was just angry. Her smile slowly began to fade. If Derpy had come back by now, I'd have given her job back. Even her visitation rights. Maybe I should go find her... but... I mean, she's the one who did wrong, right? Why should I have to go begging her to come back? Suddenly, a streak in the air roused Rainbow from her gray thoughts. "What was that?" As if in response, the blur arched back toward her and performed a double loop before setting down gracefully on a nearby cloud in a perfect pose. Rainbow's jaw dropped. Standing on that cloud was a pegasus mare with a shiny gray coat and luxuriant blonde hair. She was wearing a simple, streamlined violet dress and her dark purple eyeshadow complemented her light golden eyes, both of which were focused solely on her. Rainbow felt her heart stop for an instant as she looked into those intense eyes. "D-Derp...?" "Hush, Darling," Ditzy said with a sultry grin. "Really, Rainbow, there's no need to be so gauche. You may call me Mademoiselle Doo." Rainbow crinkled her brow with confusion. "Rari...?" but then shook it off. "Alright, 'Mademoiselle Doo’, you put on a good show. I guess I'll let you back on the weather team as long as you try to stay out of too much trouble." "Oh, dear.” Mademoiselle Doo put a hoof to her brow, her tone breathy and her face tight with what seemed quite convincingly like anguish. "I do believe you still lack confidence in my ability." Rainbow gave her a skeptical stare. "Well..." "I've a proposition, Dashie," she said, ignoring Rainbow's eye twitch. "It's a rather cloudy day, hm? How fast would you say you could clear this?" Rainbow looked around and laughed cockily. "This? Ten sec—" "—onds flat, yes," Ditzy interrupted. "Well... go for it." "Huh?" Rainbow was very confused, now. She thought Ditzy was trying to prove herself, not Rainbow Dash. "Unless your boasts overreach your means," Mademoiselle Doo said. "I'm not 100% sure what that meant, but it sounded like a challenge. Alright..." Rainbow reared up and dashed off. She sped to the first cloud, but in a flash of blonde, it was gone. Not thinking too hard about it, she zipped to the next one, but that vanished before her eyes as well. One-by-one all the clouds in the sky were cleared, and Rainbow Dash hung in midair, stunned speechless. Mademoiselle Doo floated down into her line of sight with a smug look on her face. "Five... seconds... flat," she said as she primped her hair and dress, which had remained flawlessly arranged. Rainbow Dash smiled widely. “That… that was awesome, Der… uh, Mademoiselle Doo. How did you… what did you…?” “All it took,” Mademoiselle Doo said, placing her hoof delicately on her chest. “Was a little dedication, hard work and a little help from a good friend.” “Well, I have to say, I’m really impressed with you right now,” Rainbow Dash said. “Heck, if you keep this up, I may even promote you to assistant manager.” She looked pensive for a moment. “Though… I have to ask… what’s wrong with your eyes?” “Pardon?” Rainbow coughed uncomfortably. “Well… it’s been, like, five minutes and you haven’t looked at me all crazy-eyed even once.” Mademoiselle Doo laughed delicately. “Oh, my, Rainbow, that would hardly be ladylike.” Rainbow Dash chuckled as she said, “You just beat me at cloud sweeping. That’s not exactly ladylike…” “Oh, pish-tosh,” Mademoiselle Doo said, turning her nose up haughtily and patting Rainbow Dash condescendingly on the head. “Just because you can’t manage it gracefully doesn’t mean one can’t be athletic and ladylike at the same time.” Rainbow Dash was starting to feel a strange churning in her stomach as Mademoiselle Doo spoke. She wasn’t too familiar with it as of late, but it didn’t take too long to recall what had been a very accustomed feeling in her foalhood: inadequacy. No, she thought. I should be proud of my friend for achieving her goals, not wallowing in self-pity because she's suddenly… better than me. “I’m… I’m happy for you… Mademoiselle Doo.” “Indeed,” Doo said with a genuine smile and a flutter of her eyelashes. “Well, what do you say we go back to your place and I can bake you some muffins? You know, a sort of celebratory thing.” Rainbow Dash smiled uncertainly. “Oh, um… I dunno…” she still remembered last time Derpy had tried to cook. Then again, this was Mademoiselle Doo, who seemed to be incapable of doing wrong. “Oh, what the hay? Sure, let’s go.” Within the hour, Rainbow Dash was salivating over a freshly baked pan of rainbow swirl muffins. Mademoiselle Doo smiled sweetly at her and said, “Now, Rainbow, don’t eat them too quickly. They are hot.” Rainbow Dash did her best to follow those instructions. But the smell of the muffins was too tempting and she ended up devouring the whole pan full. “Ow, I thing I burn’d my dhoungue,” she complained. “I did tell you,” Mademoiselle Doo said as she wiped Rainbow’s mouth with an embroidered hoofkerchief. “And you got crumbs all over your muzzle. You are a mess, my dear.” She winked. “But don’t worry. I’ll take good care of you.” Rainbow wasn’t sure how to feel about that. However, her anxiety was put to rest as Mademoiselle Doo trotted behind her and began to work her hooves into Rainbow’s back. She was about to protest, but the sudden wave of relaxation that washed over her stole the objections out of her mouth. “Ooh, Darling, you are so tense,” Mademoiselle Doo said. “I cannot abide you suffering like this. Oh, idea!” She puckered her lips and began to whistle, reproducing almost perfectly the sounds of various bird calls. “What are you…?” Rainbow started to say lethargically. Birds suddenly flew into her cloud home and twittered at Mademoiselle Doo. “What are these birds doing in my house?” Mademoiselle Doo whistled at the birds and they began to fly about collecting brushes while a couple others grabbed some files in their beaks and began to file her hooves. “No… no, this is… too girly. I can’t…” “Don’t fret, dear,” Mademoiselle Doo said as she redoubled her efforts on Rainbow’s aching muscles. “I will take absolute care of you. You won’t have to lift a hoof.” “Well…” Rainbow said after a moment. “I guess this isn’t so bad. As long as nopony knows about this. Ever.” “Of course,” Mademoiselle Doo said with a pleased smile. Rainbow Dash reclined comfortably in a fluffy white cloud. Mademoiselle Doo had prepared it for her and it was surprisingly softer than most other clouds. As relaxing as last month’s work had been without Derpy, this month’s was even better. The increased competence of her formerly most disastrous worker had been so profound that she could actually take care of most problems that arose before Rainbow Dash even registered them. And, of course, being waited on hoof and hoof is nice, too. She paused to consider the oddness of that phrase, but then put it out of her mind and opened her mouth to let one of Mademoiselle Doo’s avian friends plop another grape into it. Another was fanning her with its wings to keep her comfortably cool on this warm day. “Y’know,” she said to herself. “With all this free time, I should really put in some training. I’ll be in shape to join the Wonderbolts for sure.” She got to her hooves and prepared to launch herself off the cloud when suddenly she was impeded by her number one weathermare. “Whoa, what’s going on?” “Rainbow,” Mademoiselle Doo said with a pout. “What are you doing? You should really lay back down and relax.” “I’ve… I’ve been relaxing,” Rainbow Dash said. “I’m just gonna stretch my wings a little.” “Oh, no dear,” Mademoiselle Doo said, pushing her gently back. “You really shouldn’t. Remember what happened when you went to ‘stretch your wings’ last week?” Rainbow cringed in embarrassment. “That… that was… I just don’t know what went wrong with that trick, but you gotta crash a few times before you can make progress.” Mademoiselle Doo scooped Rainbow up into her embrace and said, “Oh, Darling, I simply could not live with myself if you got hurt because I let you go gallivanting out on your own. I mean, you’re so… so accident prone.” “I… I guess,” Rainbow said, a little lost as Mademoiselle Doo continued to snuggle her. “Please promise me that you’ll lay back right here and not do anything rash,” Mademoiselle Doo said, patting her head lovingly. Rainbow settled back into the cloud with a grimace at her athletic pursuits being stymied. However, one look into the sincere and caring eyes that fixed themselves upon her, and the words just slipped out. "A-alright, I promise." Ditzy nodded in approval and fluttered off. Rainbow languished in luxury for a while longer, but she could feel herself growing more and more agitated with her inactivity. It was then that she noticed a strange quality to the clouds around her, as well as the wind picking up. She could feel something was wrong with the weather in her feathers, and she began to tingle with excitement as she looked around for the problem. She saw it. A funnel was slowly descending from the heavens and, from the looks of it, it would head straight for Ponyville. She leaped off the cloud and made a beeline for the tornado. “Finally, it's time for some action.” When Rainbow got to the site, however, a whole host of pegasi were already there with Mademoiselle Doo taking point. “Alright, everypony from Cloudchaser to the right go high. Left of Cloudchaser, go low. Remember to fly counter to the rotation and don’t go directly into the funnel. Move out!” Rainbow Dash frowned as her pegasi saluted Mademoiselle Doo and made for the twister. “Hey, what are you doing?” “Oh, Darling,” Mademoiselle Doo said sweetly. “I have everything under control. You just go relax.” “No way,” Rainbow protested. “This is what I’m here for. I’m going in.” She flew past Mademoiselle Doo and straight into the tornado with Doo following closely behind. “Alright, ponies, let’s get to work,” she shouted over the wind, feeling the need to reassert her authority. “Oh, my dear,” Mademoiselle Doo said chidingly. “You really mustn’t do this. After all, I’m more than capable of doing the work of two of you.” Rainbow grit her teeth at the cocky assertion and put her wings into overdrive. Mademoiselle Doo pulled ahead quickly, infuriating Rainbow even more. She couldn’t let that clumsy pegasus get away with showing her up like this. She tried to shave off some distance by edging ever closer to the funnel. Recklessly close, one might say. In fact, in her competitive drive to close the gap, she clipped her wing on the edge of the tornado. Hitting oncoming wind blowing at 200 mph when one is traveling at approximately the same speed is effectively similar to hitting a brick wall at about four hundred miles per hour. Rainbow could certainly believe that as she found herself suddenly buffeted back, slamming into other ponies as she made her round about the twister before being forcefully ejected in a screaming equine ball and smashing into the ground. “Cover that instability,” Mademoiselle Doo was shouting as she coped with the sudden loss of several ponies. She picked up her own speed and in a matter of moments their counter spiral had enough momentum to cancel out the tornado. The other pegasi cheered and lifted Mademoiselle Doo into the air—or, at least, they lifted her further into the air than she was—and carried her off, chanting her name. “Oh, Rainbow,” Mademoiselle Doo said. “You should really just go home and relax. I’ll be there in two shakes of a pony’s tail.” “Yeah, Rainbow Crash,” One of the ponies said crossly as she dusted herself off and lifted off to join the others. “Maybe you should just go home.” To be concluded in Act III... Author's Note Edited 10MAY13 by BBofC of the Proof-reading, Pre-reading, and Editing Group.
Best Friends ForeverDITZY DON’T ~ BICO ACT III: BEST FRIENDS FOREVER Rainbow Dash sulked in her cloudy bed. She couldn’t believe that her friend—Derpy, of all ponies—had shown her up so spectacularly. Not only that, but she'd looked like a complete foal. What could she do about this? “Oh, Dashie,” Mademoiselle Doo called as she kicked the front door to Rainbow’s house in. “Darling, you look absolutely wretched. Do buck up, will you? I have some wonderful news.” She pranced in front of the glowering Rainbow Dash. “Guess who’s just been made captain of the Ponyville Weather Team. That’s right, it’s moi!” While the rest of her body maintained its despondent slump, Rainbow’s eyes bugged out of her head. “I see…” she said with a calmness that belied her fury. “I’m very happy for you, Mademoiselle Doo.” “Quite,” Mademoiselle Doo said, leaning over Rainbow and patting her hoof comfortingly. “And don’t you worry about a thing. I’ve made sure you won’t have to worry about the weather ever again.” “Oh?” Rainbow said, still frighteningly calm. “What did you do?” “I told them that you’re in no condition to be working as a weathermare,” Mademoiselle Doo said. She picked Rainbow up and positioned her on her cumulus bed, and then she pulled the cloud cover over her. “I’m going to be taking care of you, Rainbow.” She touched her muzzle to her former boss’. “For… ev… er.” A blood vessel burst in Rainbow’s left eye, but she remained unresponsive. “Well, then,” Mademoiselle Doo said as she leapt up from the bed and trotted into the kitchen. “I’m going to go make you some of those delicious rainbow-swirl muffins you like so much. Ooh, we can throw a party. A Doo/Dash Best Friends Forever party. We’ll be the only two invited, of course, but that will make it just so much better.” As Mademoiselle Doo continued to ramble on in the kitchen, Rainbow calmly threw off the cloud cover, got to her hooves, and bolted out the door… without bothering to open it first. Spike flexed his tiny draconic muscles in the mirror and studied his sculpted, baby-like form. “Lookin’ good, Spike,” he told his reflection. “Lookin’ reeeeal good.” At that moment, somepony began to pound on the door frantically, shouting “Twilight! Twilight, you get your big egg head out here. I’ve got problems!” Spike sighed and went to the door, opening it casually. He opened his mouth to speak, but a deranged Rainbow Dash pushed past him and into the library, swinging her head around to try to find her anticipated savior. He dusted himself off and said, “Like I was about to say, Twilight’s not here right now.” “What?” Rainbow screamed. “She can’t be gone. I need her help right now!” “Calm down, Dash,” Spike said, holding his claws up wardingly. “What’s the problem?” “The problem is Mademoiselle D—augh, I mean Derpy,” Rainbow frantically paced in front of Spike. “First she comes back and she’s, like, eighty-seven percent cooler than she was. But then she’s all like, ‘lookit how cool I am’ and shows me up in front of everypony and now she’s starting to really creep me out.” She took a deep breath at the end of her rapid-fire explanation. “Whoa,” Spike said. “This is about Ditzy Doo?” “Yes!” “So…” Spike said, scratching the scales on the back of his head nervously. “You don’t like the new her?” “No!” “Oh,” Spike said. He crossed his arms. “Well, that’s too bad.” Rainbow pulled at her mane and rolled her eyes. “Too ba—that’s an understatement!” Then her hooves dropped lamely to the floor and her face went slack as something clicked in her brain. “Wait… do you… do you know something about what’s happened to her?” “Whatever gives you that idea?” Spike asked with a high pitched squeak that bespoke deep guilt. Rainbow glowered and raised an eyebrow. “Just call it a hunch.” “Okay,” Spike conceded, his hands held up in surrender. “Twilight really wanted to help fix Ditzy’s problem. So we took her around to all our friends to see if they could teach her to be… you know… less ditzy.” “Yeah,” Rainbow said flatly. “I’m guessing that didn’t go so well.” Spike shook his head. “No, not really. Anyway, Twilight had an idea. See, she was studying some new spells from this book…” He went over to one of the library’s shelves and withdrew a book with the name Magical Mimicry on the cover. “Oh, no…” Rainbow said, pure horror dripping from her face. “Did she turn Rarity into Derpy?” “No!” Spike said, aghast. He could hardly imagine anyone changing the soft, marshmallow coat, the fragrant mulberry mane, or the summery sapphire eyes of the most perfect unicorn in Equestria even one iota from her perfect self, after all. “No, we changed Ditzy.” “What?” Rainbow said. “How?” “Well,” Spike said, settling into the same kind of egghead lecturer voice with which Twilight often lulled Rainbow Dash to sleep. “One particular spell allows someone to mimic certain talents or personality traits of another pony perfectly.” “So…” Rainbow said, scratching her chin thoughtfully. “Derpy’s just acting like Rarity because of some spell?” Spike held up a claw. “Not just Rarity. Twilight decided to make sure the spell cured every ditzy bone in that mare's body. She wanted to give her Rarity’s grace and fashion sense, Fluttershy’s kindness and caring, Pinkie Pie’s cooking ability and Applejack’s athleticism.” Rainbow Dash pondered this revelation, and her eyes widened with horror. “Spike… just how specific is this spell in… giving ponies others’ traits?” “Um... it didn't sound very specific," Spike said, flipping the book open. "It just says here that the spell will give anypony the personality and skills of anypony else and can be broken by a command word created by the caster." Rainbow considered this. "So... Derpy has all the personality traits of our friends rolling around in her head?" She began to feel a panic building inside her. "Even... even..." Spike’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "Even the bad ones." The door began to pound once again. "Rainbow," Mademoiselle Doo's voice called urgently. "Rainbow, I know you're in there." Her voice became lower pitched and she said, "Yeah, I saw you come in. I told the lovely and charming Mademoiselle Doo everything." Rainbow Dash and Spike locked eyes, instantly recognizing and affirming each other's cold fear. They bolted for the stairs as the banging on the door got louder and more violent and were halfway up when the door shattered under the force of Mademoiselle Doo's powerful hind legs. She leaped into the room with wild eyes, towing a stack of rocks and a piece of cloud sculpted into a misshapen pony head. "You! Will! Love me!!" "Go, go, go!" Rainbow grabbed Spike and flew up the stairs at top speed. After dropping Spike on Twilight’s bedroom floor, she became a prismatic blur as she rounded up heavy objects with which to barricade the door. When four pony-sized stacks of books, a rocking chair, Twilight’s bed and the bathtub had been piled in front of the door, Rainbow dropped in front of the barricade and reinforced it with her own body weight. Panting and wide-eyed, she looked to Spike. "Okay... Spike... Where is Twilight right now? She's gotta fix this." "Well," Spike rubbed his chin as he plopped down beside her. "She had to get some ingredients for some experiment she's working on. So she went to the Everfree Forest to see Zecora." "Zecora," Rainbow Dash repeated. "Perfect. We have to get there, fast." Zipping to the window, she pushed it open window and was about to launch herself out when she paused. "Wait... she's faster than I am." She scowled. "How is she faster than me, anyway? Applejack's a good match at a ground race, but..." "Oh, well," Spike said with a shrug. "I guess it's some combination of that and our other friends' traits. Like Rarity's gracefulness, or..." "Or Pinkie Pie's ability to get where I'm going before I do even though she doesn't have wings?" Rainbow guessed. "Yeah," Spike said with a snap of his claws. "Something like that." Rainbow turned in horror as she heard hoofsteps coming up the stairs. "Rainbow... Rainbow Craaaash. Come out and play." Rainbow grabbed Spike by his cheeks and glared into his eyes. "We need some kind of distraction, Spike," she shouted, fear rising in her voice. Spike shoved himself from her grasp and looked frantically about the room. "Distraction... distraction...” he jogged in place. Desperation brought a spell of brilliance to Spike’s mind. “I’ve got it!” he proclaimed with a snap of his claws. “Help me move the tub to the center of the room!” “Got it!” Rainbow shouted and pushed the tub away from the barricade as Mademoiselle Doo started bucking at the door. With their last spare seconds, Spike threw Twilight’s comforter over the bathtub’s curtain rod. The head of an axe hacked through the wood of the door, sending splinters flying. "Heeeeere's Misty!" came a high pitched screech as a deformed pony head made of cloud-stuff suddenly peeked in from the hole. The cloud disappeared from the breach and Spike frantically fiddled with the last of his preparations. The doorknob turned and the door pushed open, easily shrugging aside the barricade around it almost as if it weren’t even there. Mademoiselle Doo hovered into the room with a poised posture and carrying the pony-head-shaped cloud and a rock companion in her forelegs. "Misty, you mustn't startle ponies like tha—" "Behold!" Spike called out with an exaggerated flourish of his cape and a tip of his top hat. "What's this?" Mademoiselle Doo said with the utmost fascination. Green smoke billowed around him as Spike twirled a large, busy mustache. "I am Spikini, the Great and Powerful! Witness with awe my powers of prestidigitation and my astounding slight-of-claw." "Ooooh." Mademoiselle Doo beamed with wide eyes before taking a seat on her haunches. "Look at that mustache, Rocky," she stage whispered to the rocks. "I've always sort of had a thing for dragons with mustaches." "I will now shock and amaze you with one of my most shocking... and amazing tricks," Spikini said with a quiet tension in his voice that made Mademoiselle Doo, Misty and Rocky lean forward in their metaphorical seats. "For this trick I shall require my beautiful assistant, Dash the Incredible." With erect wings and her nose in the air, Rainbow Dash trotted out confidently in a sparkling gold dress and a winning smile. After greeting their audience with a respectful bow, she subtly leaned to Spike. "How did you talk me into this?" she whispered through clenched teeth. "Oh, Rainbow Dash," Mademoiselle Doo said, hooves to blushing cheeks and eyes wide with adulation. "I didn't know you were a showpony." Rainbow's expression soured momentarily, but she quickly threw her game face back on. She knew they'd have to make this look natural. Somehow. Spikini unfurled the comforter shower curtain he had placed over the bathtub. "Now, for my most amazing and shocking trick—" "I thought it was shocking and amazing," Mademoiselle Doo interrupted with disappointment in her voice. "Er..." Spike hesitated. "Yes. My most shocking and amazing trick... I will cause my lovely assistant to... disappear." Mademoiselle Doo and her friends gasped in horror. "No, you can't make my Dashie-washie disappear!" Spike paused when his heart nearly jumped into his throat. His eyes widened and shifted from left to right before regaining his composure. "... and then... reappear again." "Ohhhh," Mademoiselle Doo said with renewed excitement. “Now with the magic words,” Spike said, dramatically waving his arms about. “Equum defluo!” He blew green flame behind the curtain, causing smoke to billow out. “And presto.” He ripped the curtain down to reveal that Dash had indeed vanished. “Ahhhh!” Mademoiselle Doo clopped her hooves together in delight. “That was simply marvelous.” Her happy grin vanished and her face became as stony as her rock companion. “Now bring her back.” Spikini held up a claw. "Patience, fillies and gentle... objects. In order to bring my lovely assistant back from the mysterious beyond, I'll need a volunteer from the audience." "Ooh, ooh!" Misty made her desire known through squeaks and squeals while Mademoiselle Doo waved a hoof in the air excitedly. Rocky remained ambivalent. "She can stay gone if ya ask me. Last time we met she knocked my rock off." "You, Mademoiselle Doo," Spikini said. "Come on down. For my next trick; we employ the Crate of Binding." "'Crate of Binding'?" Mademoiselle Doo asked suspiciously. "As in 'binding two BPFFs together... forever'!" Spike said. "Oh, okay," Mademoiselle Doo said brightly and cantered into the pony-sized crate. Spikini closed it up and quickly sealed it with a hammer and nails before wrapping thick chains around it. After he finished his task, he tossed off his hat and cape. His claws lingered for a moment on the mustache before ripping it off as well. "Alright, time to get out of here before Ditzy catches wise," he whispered to himself. With that, he made his way down the stairs and out the door. "Spikini?" Mademoiselle Doo asked from the box. "Spikini the Great and Powerful, what's going on? Is this part of the trick?" A minute lapsed in silence before Rocky growled, "I think you been had." Rainbow Dash shot over Everfree Forest like lightning. She could hardly believe Spike's plan had worked. Once he had covered her with his smoke, she'd just flown right out the window. She only hoped he managed to hold Mademoiselle Doo up long enough for her to reach Zecora's house. It wasn't long before Rainbow saw Zecora's modest home and Twilight leaving it with a goodbye wave to its occupant. "Twilight!" Rainbow shouted as she dive-bombed the most beautiful sight she could possibly lay eyes upon at that moment. "Augh! Rainbow Dash, what are you doing? Get off," Twilight said, struggling to get out of Rainbow's pin. "Twilight, your spell messed Derpy's head up worse than ever," Rainbow replied, her snout firmly pressed against Twilight's. "You have to fix this." "What?" Twilight asked. "What's wrong with Ditzy Doo? She seemed fine when I saw her last..." Rainbow glared at Twilight accusingly. “Okay,” Twilight said, shoving Rainbow's face back a little. “I thought something like this might happen.” “And you did it anyway,” Rainbow said. “Well...” Twilight glanced away sheepishly. “It was a… last resort. Besides, I thought I’d figured out how to layer the personalities properly. I guess the interaction of four different personalities must have caused some kind of… meltdown?” Rainbow stared at Twilight for a long moment. “You could say that,” she eventually answered. “It's alright,” Twilight said. Rainbow let her rise to her hooves and she shook some of the dirt out of her mane. “This is actually a simple fix. The spell can be broken if it goes out of control by saying a simple phrase, chosen by the caster. That is: me.” “Yeah, Spike told me,” Rainbow said irritably. “So what is it?” Twilight smirked. “I don’t think it’s a phrase you could say, Rainbow.” Rainbow rolled her eyes with a scoff. “Just tell me what it is, already.” “Oh, alright,” Twilight said, still giving her irate friend a bemused grin. “It’s—“ “Twiiiiiiiliiiiiiiiight,” a familiar voice screamed as a small purple blur streaked into the clearing. “Spike?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What’s going on?” “She’s coming,” Spike said hysterically while clutching his head and running in place. “She’s going to get us!” “Calm down, Spike,” Twilight said. “Who’s coming?” Rainbow snorted as she heard the flapping of pegasus wings. “Who do you think?” “Geronimo,” Rocky shouted as his component rocks flew out of the trees. Rocky’s alleged head hit Twilight square in her horn, knocking her out cold. “Horseapples,” Rainbow cursed. “I have you now, Rainbow,” Mademoiselle Doo declared, landing in a triumphant pose. “Listen,” Rainbow Dash said as she slowly backed away. “You don’t want to do this.” “Oh, don’t I?” Mademoiselle Doo said with a sneer. “And why not? Don’t you want to be taken care of?” Rainbow Dash frowned. “Well, yeah it’s okay sometimes, but… I mean, the way you’re doing it’s just...demeaning. Sure I can be messy and sure I screwed up on that tornado, but that doesn’t mean you can treat me like a dumb foal. Do you have any idea how that…?” She trailed off. “I do,” Mademoiselle Doo said coldly. “Now come on home with me.” Misty popped up from behind her and added, “Yeah, and we’ll make you cupcakes.” The way Misty said that really put Rainbow Dash on edge. Then again, she’d had some bad dreams about cupcakes. She shook her head. “No, listen Derp… I mean… Ditzy Doo… I know I haven’t been treating you all that well. Maybe I’ve been a little… well… a lot… condescending. And that was wrong of me, because even though you’re pretty clumsy sometimes, you’re also one of the bravest, kindest, and most self-sacrificing ponies I’ve ever met. And that’s why you’re one of my very best friends.” “And we’ll be friends for… ev… er,” Mademoiselle Doo declared. “Right…” Rainbow said, backing away slightly. She sighed and her ears flopped down the sides of her head. “Listen… I guess what I’m trying to say is… Ditzy, I’m sorry.” Mademoiselle Doo halted as if she’d just run into an invisible barrier, and her body began to glow softly. She then glowed more and more brightly until Dash had to avert her eyes from the glare. Then, almost as quickly the light faded. “It’s okay, Rainbow Dash,” Ditzy said happily. Rainbow beamed and galloped to her friend, scooping her up into a big hug. “Ditzy, you don’t know how happy I am to hear your honest-to-goodness voice again.” Ditzy blushed when Rainbow released her and said, “Sorry, Rainbow Dash. I guess even when I got all graceful I still managed to mess things up.” Rainbow Dash smiled. “Nah, that wasn’t you.” “Ohh…” Twilight groaned as she regained consciousness. She blinked in surprise upon seeing Ditzy back to her walleyed state. “I… I see you managed to find the phrase after all. Didn’t think you had it in you to actually apologize to her. Much less use her real name.” “Yeah,” Rainbow said, holding her snout a little higher with a smarmy grin spread across her muzzle. “Well, I guess you didn’t know me as well as you thought.” “And you didn’t know Ditzy as well as you thought, either,” Twilight said, shooting Rainbow a suggestive look. “Did you?” “I… guess not,” Rainbow Dash said, bowing her head. “Ya know, I guess I did learn something about friendship today…” “Spike?” Twilight said. “On it,” the baby dragon replied, whipping out a quill and a piece of parchment. He looked up at Rainbow expectantly. “Um… which… I’ll tell you all about later,” Rainbow Dash said, leaping into a hover. “Right now, I have to break the ‘bad’ news to the weather team.” She frowned. “Oh, it will be bad news for them, alright.” Then she zipped away toward Ponyville, leaving the others behind. “We’ll get her later, Spike,” Twilight said with a determined smile. “Well,” Ditzy said, leaning toward Twilight and giving her an expectant grin, “I guess I learned something about friendship, too…” “Oh, really?” Twilight asked dubiously. “Well, you are a friend, so…” Dear Princess Celestia, Hi, I’m Ditzy Doo, but my friends call me Derpy. Rainbow Dash is one of my best friends even though she sometimes gets mad at me because I’m so clumsy. Not long ago, she got really mad at me for some trouble I caused and I tried to change to make her happy. Well, I learned that while it’s not bad to improve yourself, you should never change who you are to please anypony else. I may be clumsy, my eyes may not point the same direction all the time, and my voice may sound a little coltish, but that’s what makes me who I am. Your loyal subject, Ditzy “Derpy” Doo End. Author's Note Edited 12MAY13 by BBofC of the Proof-reading, Pre-reading, and Editing Group.
