Untitled Displaced Fanfiction II
Jonah's head woke up bouncing against Twilight Sparkle's round, toned ass. Nice. Jonah’s head then realised he was a severed head. This shocked him. Then he remembered.
“Oh, hey. Can I get my body back?” said Jonah’s head.
Twilight then unclasped Jonah’s head and stared at him blankly.
“Not right now, no. The man who could do such a thing is gone.” she said.
“They don’t identify as ponies anymore? Interesting.” thought Jonah’s head.
“What should I do to pass the time till this guy comes back, then?” he said.
“I could dip you in Ayahuasca or use you as a bowling ball.” said Twilight, shrugging.
“OK.” said Jonah’s head, who was now bleeding from his eyeballs.
Meanwhile, Rarity was getting wasted on microbrews on a plant powered zeppelin. Not directly relevant to anything but I thought it was worth mentioning.
Jonah’s head opened his mouth so his ding-dong could come out. Jonah’s head had a penis for a tongue. Twilight then had intercourse with Jonah’s severed head. Pony society had now adopted nudism and liberalised drug use. Now, mind-expanding substances such as Ayahuasca and DMT were legal. Twilight then noticed that Braeburn was on top of the pyramid again. She walked up the pyramid with Jonah's bleeding head in hand, erect penis sticking out of his mouth. Bareburn then did a little jig on top of the pyramid and Jonah then had a body and a normal, non-penis tongue.
"Thanks, Braeburn." said Jonah.
"Fuck you." said Braeburn, giving Jonah the middle finger.
Then Jonah pushed Braeburn off the pyramid to his death.
"Good job! You killed that prick!" said Twilight.
"But then who will re-attach people's heads?" asked Jonah sheepishly.
"No-one. There is no violent conflict anymore, silly! Not after you advanced our society by giving us psychoactives!" said Twilight.
"Is free love and nudism also popular?" asked Jonah.
"How did you know?" said Twilight, surprised.
"Nice. Now let's get off of this pyramid." said Jonah.
Jonah and Twilight were walking towards the Ayahuasca tasting when something occurred to Jonah.
"Hold on. Braeburn was an earth pony. How did he have such powerful magic? Also, in a world without violent conflict, why would there need to be someone who reattaches severed heads to bodies?" asked Jonah.
"Everyone needs a hobby. Braeburn chose re-attaching heads. It was on a whim. It's not that deep, man." said Twilight.
"When you had intercourse with my severed head, did it mean anything?" asked Jonah.
Twilight let out a hearty laugh.
"What? You actually think I wanted to fuck your crusty ass for any reason other than I wanted to know what screwing a severed head was like? God, don't flatter yourself." said Twilight.
Jonah smiled.
"I'm glad you're comfortable enough to be honest with me. That's all I wanted for the world." said Jonah.
"You'll like the art gallery, then. If nothing else, the art there is honest." said Twilight.
Jonah gazed at the art before him. A crude hate symbol scrawled onto a white canvas with spray paint.
"Certainly honest, if nothing else." sighed Jonah.
"In a society with such luxury, not everyone is motivated to improve themselves." said Twilight.
"Better we have a bunch of wannabe Duchamps making the same point over and over than people starving in the street." said Jonah.
At the Ayahuasca tasting ceremony, Jonah met Pinkie Pie. She was naked. Jonah extended his arm. Pinkie twisted it severely.
"You twisted us! You twisted us into something beyond all recognition! You are scum!" she creamed.
Jonah fell to the floor. Twilight did nothing and stared at this altercation blankly. Pinkie then drank her Ayahuasca and then vomited all over the carpet.
"Why didn't you do anything?" whimpered Jonah.
"I have no obligation to protect you from pain, you little bitch." snorted Twilight before kicking Jonah in the stomach.
Jonah eventually managed to get over his injuries while everyone else was busy tripping out and drank his own share of Ayahuasca. He then vomited all over himself. He then vomited a second time over Twilight. He then fell over.
Applejack came to Jonah in a vision. They were both on a tube in the London subway system. The tube was empty. The two had intercourse. They then ceased to have intercourse. After that, God came and was all like:
"It was really cool that you did all this, Jonah! I really had fun sending that prick Braeburn to Hell! Awesome! I might just send you to other universes to make them as dope as this one! On the other hand... nah, you need a break."
Applejack then guided Jonah into an area where the Second World War was still raging.
"Imagine." she said.
Then her head exploded.
Jonah then vomited all over Applejack after springing awake from his vision. Applejack then pissed herself. The two then kissed.
"Where do I go? Where do I sleep?" asked Jonah.
"In the universal hostel. Just down the road. It houses everyone. No-one has a home anymore." said Twilight.
"Does it have internet?" asked Jonah.
"What's an 'internet'?" asked Twilight.
"Nothing of great importance." said Jonah.
Jonah stared at himself in the mirror. He had a considerable beer belly, man boobs, grey hair, bags under his eyes and a beard that looked as if it had been simply left to grow. All in all, he didn't look all that great. In fact, he was below average in the looks department. This body was a far cry from his old one. He'd look a little ridiculous if he drove his car now, airpods in his ears and Sicko Mode playing through them. He laid on his bed and ordered room service. He ordered a medium bowl of hasish, twelve fudge sticks, thirty-four mozarella dippers, a salted caramel statuette of Star Swirl the Bearded and a thirteen pints of lager. This wasn't going to improve his condition but it would make him momentarily feel better. He looked out of the window and sighed.
"Only ponies could make a society such as this. I'm not worthy to be here. Guess I'll write some poetry, pal around with the ex-ponies that don't hate my guts and kill myself. I don't want to be too much of a drain on their society." thought Jonah.
Room service arrived. It was Rarity. She lugged in all the items in Jonah's hefty order.
"I bet you're thinking of killing yourself, huh? Well, I don't blame you. But I'd rather you didn't, darling. You created this world. Whales were tortured, cows were slaughtered, mules were ostracized, tyrants even worse than you came to power. But it was worth it. What caused this jump in time? How did you come back after you died?" said Rarity while stroking what little remained of Jonah's head.
"I don't know." said Jonah "Why do you not want me to die?"
"I cannot get over my love for you. Even though I know it was simply caused by me being exposed to Sicko Mode, I don't care." proclaimed Rarity.
"Thank you." said Jonah blankly.
He then began chugging lager. Rarity tried to initiate intercourse, but Jonah pushed her away guiltily. Everyone went to sleep. Before long, the sun rose again on New Equestria.
