Fluttershy's Mixed-Up Pets

“You know, I was skeptical when you first suggested this,” Discord announced, based on nothing in particular. “I was wondering how I could possibly enjoy tea, much less tea at the same time every week.”

He produced a little letter 'T' made of cake, nibbled on it, then smiled to himself. “But, would you believe it, but I found that a change was as good as a rest! Actually much better than a rest, because I rather like change.”

Fluttershy poured out the tea as Discord removed a half-dozen bits from his beard, then ate one of them like popcorn. “One sugar or two, today?”

“I think I'll make a difference and say three,” Discord nodded.

Taking a seat at the table, he waited a moment for Fluttershy to add the sugar cubes, then picked the cup up and took a sip. “Hmm...”

Picking up the knife laid out for adding jam to their scones, he scooped up some butter and dropped it into the tea. Thus fortified, he tried another sip and made a funny symbol with his clawed forehand. “Magnifique! I do say, excellent!”

“I've never seen butter added to tea before,” Fluttershy giggled. “Whatever made you decide to do that?”

“Oh, the Yaks do it all the time,” Discord told her. “Or, as they say, Yaks Crush Puny Pony Tea With Butter. It's an acquired taste, which means I'll probably get bored of it by next week and try something else.”

“Jam?” Fluttershy asked.

“Oh, wonderful idea, I'll try it next week,” Discord promised.

After another drink, he got up from his chair. “But – well, I can't simply have tea with you without bringing something myself! I'll have to hunt around for inspiration, it's so hard to think of something you like I haven't already got you!”

“You don't need to, Discord,” Fluttershy told him softly. “We're friends – that means I don't need a gift to think you're nice.”

Discord paused halfway to Fluttershy's cupboard.

“Well, nice,” he said, as if trying out the word. “Nice. Discord the nice… hmm, not sure it really works.”

“What about Discord the surprisingly nice?” Fluttershy suggested. “I was surprised how nice you were when I got to know you, after all...”

The chaotic draconequus threw up his mismatched hands, coincidentally knocking open Fluttershy's crockery cupboard. “What does a spirit of disorder have to do to keep a reputation around here?”

“Well, you could just have a biscuit,” Fluttershy pointed out.

“Tempting,” Discord admitted. “But… I still need to get you that gift.”

His pegasus friend began to protest, and Discord waved a claw in her face. “Ah-ta-ta! You may not want it, but I want to give it! It'll just be a few minutes ransacking your cupboards and I'll know just what to get!”

Fluttershy looked through her biscuit tin, and picked out a ginger one. “You could just ask?”

Discord actually considered it, for about a tenth of a second, then declared his opinion on the matter. “Nah.”

That said, he looked at the crockery. “Hmm, well, you've got some nice teacups, though no T-cups – I could fix that, but that doesn't have the right feel to it, and I already did that joke today.” The plates and saucers and bowls orbited his head as he spoke, along with a little ball with four antennae which made a beeping sound, until he caught it with a paw. “I could get you satellite?”

“What's a satellite?” Fluttershy asked, distracted, then pulled her biscuit out of the tea before it dissolved. “And I don't think I need more crockery, or cutlery, I've got enough.”

“I'm sure you think you've got enough, but that's the point!” Discord said. “Well, the points are on the end of the forks, but you get what I mean. There are two kinds of ponies in this world, Fluttershy.”

“I thought there were three kinds,” Fluttershy replied. “Or… is it four? Because of Twilight and the other Princesses – oh, and there are those nice bat ponies-”

“That's not what I mean, but I appreciate the thought.” Discord checked the cutlery drawer, finding it full enough to satisfy him in some unknown way, then shut it. “No, I mean there are two kinds of people! Pony, griffin, dragon, they all fall into two types!”

He scooted over to Fluttershy's side, put one paw on her shoulder and raised the other into the air. “One type, they're the type who know what they want. And the other type… they're the type who don't know what they want.”

After a long moment, Discord put his hand down. “And, of course, there are the ones who do know what they want but don't tell you. Those are the most fun of all, because they get ever so embarrassed when you work it out anyway!”

Picking up his teacup, he took a sip. Then he bounced off the wall, ceiling, floor and Angel Bunny, and off into Fluttershy's room.

“Discord?” Fluttershy asked, standing up. “Is something wrong?”

“Not at all,” Discord replied. “Oh – ah – now something's wrong, because your pet bunny is trying to stuff me into a hat. It's the other way around, you lugubrious lapine!”

The butterscotch pegasus raised her voice. “Angel Bunny, stop that! Mr. Discord is my friend!”

There were a few more whack noises, then Angel came hopping back out of Fluttershy's room.

When she got in her room, after telling Angel off and confiscating his carrot, Fluttershy found a straw boater hat lying on her bed.

She picked it up, and Discord sort of poured out before forming back into his normal shape.

“Are you all right?” Fluttershy asked, worried.

In reply, Discord tilted his head sideways and gave it a loud whack, and a few pieces of straw came out of his ear. “I'm fine, thank you, Andrea.”

“Andrea?” Fluttershy repeated, now completely lost.

“Sorry, need to retune myself to the right setting, or I'll be calling myself John next,” Discord told her. He gave himself another whack which twisted his head around three hundred and sixty degrees, then shook himself. “There we go.”

“Well… I'm glad you're all right now,” Fluttershy said, deciding to more or less disregard a lot of what Discord had said. “Should we go and-”

“Oh, no, no, no no no!” Discord answered. “Of course we shouldn't! I'm not going to stop investigating until I know what I can get you, Fluttershy! I hope it doesn't matter that it'll probably be home made – made in your home, of course – but that's supposed to be the best kind of gift anyway.”

He looked around for inspiration. “A bird feeder?”

“I… already have one of those, and it's very nice,” Fluttershy told him.

“What about a fondue set, then?” the chaotic being asked. “Everypony likes fondue.”

He stroked his chin, which purred. “Though, on second thought, I only asked two ponies. Cheese Sandwich and Chocolatl. So maybe that wasn't a very good comparison. Still, if that's what you're after?”

“No, I couldn't really enjoy a fondue set,” Fluttershy said. “I much prefer the kind of food Tree Hugger likes, all natural.”

“There's nothing unnatural about cheese,” Discord grumbled. “But I suppose melted cheese is quite deliciously random. Well, then, perhaps some clothes?”

He flicked her wardrobe open. “A dress?”

“Oh – no, I couldn't possibly – um – that's not very polite, Discord,” Fluttershy protested softly, blushing.

“You have plenty of dresses, of course, how foolish of me,” Discord agreed. “Then what about shoes? A fetching hat?”

He produced a hat from one ear and a ball from the other, and threw the ball. The hat jumped off his hand, flying with sweeps of its brim, and stooped down to pluck the ball from the air and bring it back to him.

“See?” Discord asked. “A fetching hat.”

He waved, and the hat dissipated into smoke. “Well, maybe not, you already have enough animal friends. But...”

After a moment's contemplation, Discord returned to rummaging through Fluttershy's wardrobe – pulling out several pairs of hoof gloves for if one of her animals needed medical attention.

Then he paused.

“Oh, my...” he said, sounding very interested all of a sudden. “What have we here?”

Fluttershy squeaked, flushing, as Discord pulled his discovery out of the bottom of her wardrobe.

A pack of a dozen diapers, unquestionably sized for grown-up ponies and other similar creatures.

“Dear, dear, Fluttershy!” Discord announced, turning the pack over to take in every detail. “I didn't have the slightest clue this sort of thing interested you!”

Fluttershy emitted a sound which was too high for pony hearing. A fox just outside yelped in response, and Angel Bunny plugged both his ears with two half-eaten carrots.

“But it looks like you haven't tried a single one!” Discord went on. “Unless you've already used a pack, of course… well, this is interesting!”

The pegasus tried to say something, but didn't manage to pronounce it successfully – just getting a few more squeaks.

“What's that?” her friend asked. “I think the little filly's going to need to speak up-”

“Notforme!” Fluttershy managed, her flush somehow managing to intensify. “Forotherponies! ButInever… um… managedtoask...”

Discord stuck a claw in his ear and twisted it back and forth, producing an eek-eek noise, then tilted it.

“Could you repeat that?” he asked.

“They're… they're not for me,” Fluttershy explained, somewhat slower now, her gaze not leaving the floor. “I… I like the idea of taking care of other ponies, or… or others, but… but I never got further than buying the pack...”

By the time she finished, her voice was almost too quiet to understand.

Discord contemplated the revelation for a long moment, then smiled.

It was a gentle smile, a caring smile, an understanding smile. But it was still a Discord smile.

“Well, now,” he said, smirking. “I think I know just what I can do for you, Fluttershy, my dear friend...”

“...w...what's that, then?” Fluttershy asked.

Discord made an expansive flourish with one clawed hand, while still holding the diapers in the other. “Why, simple! You want to do this, but you're too shy to ask any-pony you know to take part… but I'm not shy at all! So I'll sort it all out for you!”

Fluttershy looked a bit apprehensive about that, but Discord sat down and continued talking. “So… is it just diapers you think of? Or something else as well?”

“Well...” Fluttershy began, still not really believing she was having this conversation. “It's… really embarrassing, and you might not want to hear it...”

“I'm sure I will,” Discord said, relenting a little and giving her a hug. “You are my friend, Fluttershy, and that means I want to see you happy. This is a kind of situation – and a kind of happiness – you wouldn't have been comfortable getting into without my help, but if I can help you out – I actually do want to.”

The pegasus nodded a little, seeming slightly more okay with that, then paused. “But… um… okay. So… so I kind of like the idea of dressing up a pony – or someone else – like an animal, with diapers and a nice cozy suit, then just… spending time with them.”

Discord chuckled, but not in a mean way. “Ah, I see… hmm, I wonder if your friend Rarity would be able to make you-”

“Eep!” Fluttershy gasped. “I… n-no, I don't think she'd be… um…”

“Well, give it some thought,” Discord said. “I personally think she'd be delighted by the challenge. But it seems to me that the bigger problem is that you need somepony to do this with who I can assure you wouldn't mind in the slightest!”

He put his paws together, and cracked his knuckles one at a time. “And, fortunately for you, that's something I can do quite easily!”

“Are you sure we couldn't just go and have some tea?” Fluttershy asked.

“Not just yet!” Discord told her, sliding open a drawer and rummaging around in it up to his elbow. “Let's see… where did I leave it… aha!”

Fluttershy stepped back in surprise as Discord pulled an entire pony out of her tiny sock drawer.

“Ta-da!” Discord said, flourishing the pegasus he was holding by the scruff of the neck. “One guaranteed kinda-okay-with-this pony for you! I'd say it was time to get to know one another, but… well, I'm not sure how to handle that side of things, you're the friendship pegasus.”

“Uh… what's going on?” the stallion asked. “I was shopping...”

He wiggled a bit, until Discord dropped him onto a pillow. The pillow hadn't been there a moment before, so it was probably best to consider that Discord being polite.

“Who are you?” he added, looking back, then did a double-take. “Isn't that Discord? The spirit of chaos? The lord of disharmony?”

“Oh, you flatter me,” Discord said, producing a ladies' fan with a snap of his fingers and fluttering it in front of his face. “But I'm just the facilitator, I'm not the one you should be getting to know. That's Fluttershy, over there.”

As he turned his attention – somewhat apprehensively – to the mare whose cottage he was in, Fluttershy got a good look at him in turn.

She'd already seen that he was a cerulean-and-pinto pegasus, with a kind of paint-splatter look to the two-tone colouring of his coat, but now she could get a good look at his cutie mark as well – paint buckets, showing rainbow paint pouring out in crisscrossed streams.

Discord was consulting a clipboard. “Let's see here… yes… yes… Mix-up, Cloudsdale native, no particular job at the moment, also into diapers-”

Mix-up coughed, turning to the Spirit of Disharmony. “W-what? Where – where did that come from?”

“It's Discord,” Fluttershy said. “I… don't really ask questions like that, it's not polite and he never has a good explanation.”

“But I like giving bad explanations,” Discord whined, throwing the clipboard away. “Well, that's the ice broken, now you two can get on with it!”

“Get on with what?” Mix-up asked. “I…wait, did you pull me out of doing my grocery shopping because...”

He blushed, and Discord clapped him on the back just between the wings.

“Don't worry, I did the shopping for you!” he announced. “It's all there, at home, along with a complimentary TV!”

“A what?” Mix-up said, then shook his head. “That… that's not the important bit right now. I'm still annoyed about what you said – I just need to make it so my painted clouds take off-”

“Indeed it's not!” Discord said, putting his hand around Mix-up's shoulders. “You see, our friend Fluttershy there has certain interests, and I'm nothing if I'm not a good friend.”

He vanished with a fwoop.

Mix-up coughed, eying the package of diapers Discord had dropped on the bed, then looked away from it.

“...Discord?” Fluttershy said, after several seconds of awkward silence.

“Just my little joke,” Discord assured her, coming back in through the window before shutting it behind him. “But, as you can see, I'm not nothing, and therefore I'm a good friend! So I hunted up and down, left and right, back and forth for a pony who would be into the kind of play session she'd just told me she likes, and who did I find but you!”

He coughed. “Admittedly, I only checked about twenty ponies… so, what do you think?”

“I… umm...” the blue-white pegasus began. “...do I have to answer now?”

“That doesn't sound like a no to me,” Discord nodded smugly. “So let's move straight on to discussing what kind of animal you like!”

Mix-up blinked, and glanced around the room. “...why?”

“Well, Fluttershy could tell you about that, but I think she's still just a little bit embarrassed,” Discord hummed. “So why don't you answer the question, and I'll show you what I mean!”

“I, uh… I guess I like giraffes?” Mix-up suggested, totally lost now, and Discord pressed a paw to his mouth – kissing it – before blowing the kiss into the air.

“Magnifique!” he pronounced. “Such a wonderfully chaotic choice! Did you know they used to be known as camelopards?”

“I didn't know that,” Fluttershy said, glad to have a less embarrassing topic. “Why is that?”

“Well, they look like tall, spotty camels – to some, at least,” Discord shrugged, and reached back into Fluttershy's sock drawer. A set of four socks went flying out, then another set of four, and Discord withdrew his scaled hand with a flourish to wave his prize in the air.

It was a big yellow-and-brown thing, and both pegasi got just enough of a glimpse to see it was patterned like a giraffe before Discord stuffed it into the wardrobe.

“Ah ah ah!” he said, waving his finger at them. “Not until next time!”

“Next time what?” Mix-up asked. “You mean, um… this is going to happen more than once?”

“Not that kind of next time,” Discord answered, then smirked. “But you seemed ever so disappointed when I said that! You see, this is going to work out!”

Fluttershy squeaked.

“I… well, um...” Mix-up began, looking between the cupboard and the diapers. “I, um… I should really...”

“Hold on a moment, please, Fluttershy, dear,” Discord requested. “I've got a few words to say to our new friend here.”

He snagged the baffled stallion by a hoof, and pulled him into a conveniently placed china owl statue.

Fluttershy blinked at it. “I… don't have one of those...”

“Okay, mister,” Discord said, hands on his hips. “What's the big problem?”

“Problem?” Mix-up repeated. “I – what? You ponynapped me!”

“Foalnapped,” Discord corrected. “But that's not important right now. What is important is that Fluttershy's my friend, and I want to see her happy. And right now what will make her happy is having a pony to share this with. You like it, she likes it, and I know she's shy but what's your problem?”

“Well, um… it's really… embarrassing,” Mix-up replied. “It's… not something I ever thought I'd have a chance to...”

“And here's your chance!” Discord pointed out. “This is an all-expenses-paid return trip to That Place You've Always Wanted, and if it doesn't work out you can just leave and nopony will know!”

Mix-up was about to protest that Fluttershy would know, then thought about that a bit more. Even in Cloudsdale he knew something about the Elements of Harmony, and he certainly knew that Fluttershy was unlikely to gossip. Especially about something like this, which embarrassed her so much.

“I, uh,” he began, blushing. “I… guess?”

“Excellent!” Discord announced, hugging him again. “Now, let's head back out of here and get started!”