"Twilight, why did you bring us here?" Rainbow Dash asked annoyedly. It was four in the morning and Rainbow Dash, Applejack, And Rarity stood in the entrance of Twilight's crystal palace, rubbing their bloodshot eyes as they fought the urge to pass out then and there. On top of the Cutie Map, there stood a large, horizontally oriented box covered in a long, white sheet.
"Because, Rainbow Dash, I have something to show all of you," Twilight said.
"There better be something pretty darn good in there, Twi. Ah don't usually wake up at four in the blasted morning," Applejack said. "Well, ah do, but that's beside the point."
"Oh, trust me Applejack, there is," Twilight said, beginning to pull off the sheet on top of the box. "Remember when my pet Owlowiscious mysteriously vanished a few months back? Well, say hello to my newest pet!" Twilight lifted the sheet to reveal...a gray fish swimming absentmindedly in its fish tank without a care in the world or a thought in its head.
"A fish?" Rainbow Dash said. "Seriously? That's what you called us here for? A fish?!"
"Yep!" Twilight said. "He's an Aquilonian Salmon, and his name is Revenge. Isn't he adorable?"
"Umm, pardon me for saying this, darling, but why did you call him Revenge?" Rarity asked. "He doesn't seem like quite the type to get revenge on anypony."
"Oh, I don't know," Twilight answered. "I guess it just sounded cool at the time." When Twilight looked back at the fish tank, Revenge had mysteriously vanished. "Wait, what? Where'd he go?!"
Out of the corner of her eye, Rainbow Dash spotted somepony in a dark blue cloak running deeper into the castle, a wriggling fish in their mouth. What little she could see of their face was colored bright bubblegum pink. "Over there!" Rainbow Dash pointed to the culprit, and Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity quickly turned their heads. "There they are! They're...gone?" The next thing they all knew, the fish thief had vanished without a trace.
"No, no no no!" Twilight said, beginning to hyperventilate. "This-this can't be happening! Revenge, we gotta all go find him!" At this, Rarity and Rainbow Dash started to laugh nervously and shift their gaze to anywhere except directly at Twilight.
"Honestly, I'd love to help you search darling, but I need to go, uhh...iron my cat!" Rarity said. "Yes, yes, I must go do that now." Rarity trotted hastily out of the palace.
"Yes, I too must iron my cat!" Rainbow Dash quickly added, flying out of the palace after Rarity.
Applejack sighed. "Guess ah gotta help you find your fish, huh?" she asked.
Twilight and Applejack walked through the barren streets of Ponyville, where little bits of trash wandered freely in the wind, and no waking souls were to be seen. It was 4:30 in the morning, and as such the streets were lit only by the pale light of the moon and the dim twinkling of the stars.
"Alright, so the culprit is somepony pink," Twilight said. "Who do we know that's pink?"
"Well, that's mighty obvious, isn't it, sugarcube?" Applejack said. "It's Pinkie Pie! It has to be!"
"No, that's too obvious," Twilight said. "Pinkie Pie wouldn't let herself be caught this easily."
"Maybe it's Princess Cadance then?" Applejack suggested. "She's awfully pink."
Twilight shook her head. "No, that doesn't make sense either," she said.
Suddenly, from the wall of one of the buildings, three ponies jumped out in front of Twilight and Applejack with an elaborate and completely unnecessary acrobatic display. They wore neon green cloaks covering everything except their eyes.
"Greetings, Twilight Sparkle and Applejack! We are here to stop you from solving this mystery!" the middle one, a stallion, said.
"Ninjas? Really?" Applejack rolled her eyes.
"Um, excuse me, but who are you?" Twilight asked.
"We are not supposed to reveal our identities, because, as ninjas, we are supposed to be sneaky!" the middle ninja said loudly enough to wake the dead.
"You call this sneaky, huh?" Applejack said.
In lieu of a proper reply, the ninjas leaped for Twilight and Applejack, screaming their heads off. Before they could cause any major damage, though, Twilight lit up her horn, and they all fell unconscious as their forward momentum ceased to be.
"Well that was easy," Applejack said.
"But we still don't have any information on who stole my fish!" Twilight said. "Wait, maybe one of these ninjas has something we can use."
When given a cursory glance, Twilight could see that one of the ninjas was clutching a piece of paper. She grabbed the paper and held it up to read it.
From Sugarcube Corner, with love.
"Sugarcube Corner...?" Twilight thought for a bit, gears turning in her head before, eventually, a light bulb went off in her head. "Of course! The culprit is pink and comes from Sugarcube Corner; it's Pinkie Pie! Why didn't I see this before, it was so obvious!" Twilight headed for Sugarcube Corner at a full gallop.
"Ah said it was Pinkie Pie before!" Applejack sighed and shook her head.
Twilight dramatically burst open the door of Sugarcube Corner to find Pinkie Pie hunched over a vat of molten metal along the wall, holding her wriggling pet salmon in a pair of tongs. When Pinkie Pie dropped Revenge into the vat, Twilight screamed in anguish for her second lost pet.
"Pinkie Pie!" Twilight screamed accusingly.
Pinkie Pie turned to Twilight with her usual happy-go-lucky expression on her face. "Hey Twilight, what's up?" she asked jovially as she fished Revenge, now covered in a golden sheen, from the bubbling vat and placed him gingerly on a plate placed on the counter.
"What's up? What's up?! You took my pet salmon and cooked him alive! Why?!" Twilight said.
Pinkie shrugged. "I needed him as the main course for this banquet Celestia wanted me to plan."
"O-o-okay, I guess that can be explained, but why, oh why, in the wide, wide world of Equestria did you feel the need to gold-plate him as well?!" Twilight shouted.
"Because, Twilight, Revenge is a fish best served gold."
Author's Note
April Fools, everyone!
I hope you enjoyed my stupid pun with a story at the beginning of it.