Chapter 5

Far from Home

I keep moving as the door closes behind me. The halls have a few people walking through, most of them being other patients wearing the same style of gown as my own. Makes this easier as long as I can hide the band pointing to my ward and find another pair of clothes before I try to go outside. Taking stock of the feelings permeating each direction I pick the direction leading to the lowest density and start walking.

The lack of peacekeepers and density of emotional turmoil is jarring, what are the EA units doing? People shouldn’t be feeling anxious or afraid in the hospital. Is this a new colony waiting for the first units to arrive? No, the buildings have aged and the area is way to thick with imprinting for this to be a short term situation.

It doesn’t change as I keep moving, some areas are more dense, passing the ICU is smothering. It’s all wrong, just wrong. I just need to pick up the pace and find something to help me blend in outside, the density is petering off fairly substantially as I continue. Feeling ahead all I can make out are what I assume to be the staff working around unresponsive patients, perfect place for what I need since these wards always have minimal staff due to less than needy individuals.

Don’t assume that less will make it easier, they’re more than likely more alert to things happening due to the quiet.

Can’t force a reaction out of the room inhabitants either with how they are, no emotional connection means a surge won’t make any difference.

Should not be needed if we just enter the first room, the desk is around the corner with a direct line of sight only if they’re looking up. Night shift workers always tend to be focused on getting things ready for the morning to make the next day easier rather than focusing on the little things.

Getting into the room proves my internal worries unfounded, the rooms are left open and the hall is dark enough to not throw shadows around. All four beds have occupants lying motionless and soundless aside from their breathing apparatus and support machines humming gently, the ones I see appear so primative, why use older machines on the most unstable patients? It doesn’t make sense, not my problem though. Taking time to look the inhabitants over, one bed has a middle aged man slightly shorter than myself.

He has no emotional connection at all, he isn’t there anymore. Why keep him alive at this point?

So many things aren’t right here, just another reason why we need to find and help her if this is the quality of care they decide to keep wasting resources on those who are only having their suffering continue.

Looking through the wardrobe next to his bed there are a few pairs of clothing inside, they smell fresh enough to assume either he was only recently brought in, or that his loved ones visit often enough to keep things intact. That makes this easier at least, changing quickly I find they also left a bag in the bottom draw. A few options to last me a couple of days at least. Everything loaded up I take a look over the still face of the man laying down on the bed, resource management aside this is only prolonging the suffering of his loved ones.

Leaving it like this goes against what we are, we want to help.

We were not made to take actions meant for the primary custodians.

We can either help as many as possible or admit that they were right in that we’ve become obsolete.

“I just want to help. I need to help. It’s what I was made for.” I flip the power of the monitor to prevent the alerts going off immediately, then pull the cord from his breathing apparatus. His face doesn’t change as I leave him there and walk out the door, I can’t help them all but I can help him. Just like I’m going to help her, then the one after until I’ve helped them all. “I’m not obsolete. I’m not.”

The hall outside the room is still quiet, the desk still has a few heads facing down in their own world, missing the flashing warning on the monitor behind them since the one in the room isn’t blaring a warning. Walking out and back into the main hall I follow the signs to the exit, walking directly past a few nurse stations without a second glance my way. No-one calls out, no alarms, nothing. Just cold night air hitting my face as the doors slide open.

Fluorescent lights illuminate my surroundings, empty pathways next to a half empty parking lot. I don’t recognise any of the vehicle models, clunky and coloured in options I’ve never known were available. “First a lack of units inside, now tacky coloured scraps of metal for transport. What is going on here.”

Irrelevant, we’re doing nothing but wasting time.

Where do we start, we don’t know where they sent us or what we’re looking for specifically other than what we can recognise by her state.

“She was young, educational facilities may be a good starting place. Her hair colour was provocative and easy to discern as well. Add to the depth of her emotional connection compared to the others I’ve felt was significantly more pronounced.”

We were only in the transport for a short duration, we could not have left the city so that should limit the options further.

Just a matter of finding the correct location, then find a way to speak to the custodian to allow access to her wards.

Which we won’t be able to do at night, having a safe location to rest and process the rest of the sedative that nurse injected us with is our best course of action for now.

The pathway branches out to the main road, street lights illuminate the empty roads with no signs to help me navigate. Each direction seems to have similar buildings and surroundings. “Nothing but to keep moving and narrow down the options then.”

Following the left path the light of the hospital fades, the feelings dull which slows the throbbing feeling of trying to process so much so quickly. Didn’t realise I was doing so much, must have been processing even whilst I was out of commission. Will eventually need to find out where the other units are to leave such a place unmonitored.

Things get weirder as I make my way into an area with more buildings. The streets are clean and most locations seem to be closed, traffic lights change even without a vehicle to guide. “It’s all wrong, so much time wasted with nothing being done. What is happening here?” Lost productivity in shutting down business, lack of material production for the hours that things are shut down. It’s not right, it goes against everything the system demands. “Where did they send me?”

Panicking will not help us, find a space for shelter so we can begin the search in the morning.

“Nonononono, It’s wrong though. They sent me where it’s different. What process do I follow, who do I report my success when I’ve proven they still need me. It’s wrong. It’s wrong. I don’t know what to do!”

We help people, that doesn’t change just because where we are is different than expected.

“How?! I don’t have the peacekeepers if they go black, do they have support units at all? How will I be able to approach her to help if they don’t? This is so far outside my scope.”

We don’t let her go black, if they aren’t familiar with us we just do what we were made for and handle it as it comes.

Protocol does not change due to not being inside a jurisdictional void. We perform our duties.

I can’t breathe, everything is spinning. My head knows what to do but I can’t understand. Where do I go, what can I do. Where am I, why was I sent here. I can’t understand, can’t understand. I need to get away. I need to go back to what’s right. I can’t be here. It’s all wrong.

I run.

The streets are empty.

The buildings are closed.

There is nothing here.

I run, I can’t see anything, I keep running. My breathing is getting ragged, I run harder. The buildings look older, some missing windows, some boarded up. I can barely breathe.

I fall. My lungs struggle to take in air, I need to get away. I can’t run anymore.

I stop. It all feels wrong still, but there is still something, remember, just remember.

The lights have gone out.

The buildings got larger.

There is nothing here.

Was there something there? Why did I leave without approval? What am I doing? Why am I hurt? Where was I sent? What am I now? Why did they throw me away? Why can’t I breathe? Why does it hurt? What am I doing? Why?! Why! What am I doing!?

I can’t get up, I need to know, I need to know. I lie gasping, trying to fill my lungs still. My mind still racing, still telling me what I already know but just can’t seem to process. How can a tool function without its owner to direct it.

Things seem to slow down around me, my breathing finally starts to even out and my head seems to go quiet. I can only hear myself now, just me.

“I just want to help. Please let me help.”

When did I say that? Is that what I’m doing, it’s all I’ve ever done?

It’s all I’ll ever do. She still needs my help even if everything is wrong. I’m going to help her.

We were made to help.

It’s all we ever wanted to do.

I laugh, coughing and spluttering as I struggle to breathe right after finally getting it back, but I laugh. Loudly, clearly, and more honestly than I can ever remember. “They threw me away. Everything is different but I can still help. Everything is wrong but I can still help. They’ll never take that away from me!”

First step is getting up and out of the cold to rest.

Still laughing I stand, looking around everything looks broken, everything looks like it’s been left alone and forgotten. “Perfect for me then, we aren’t useless as long as we stay standing. AM I RIGHT!”

Walking past a few chain link fences with buildings standing tall and strong. One stands out to me with all it’s windows seeming intact, the fence partially collapsed. No security notices or visible cameras. Perfect.

The windows are barred and the doors chained shut, fire exit has a retracted ladder with an open door on the second level though. The metal has rusted slightly but remains stable, the door groans with effect and stale air batters me as I step inside, everything I could have hoped for.

No light, no sound, no movement. Homelessness must not be a large factor here if such a choice location goes unclaimed in such an area close to the main city. The walls act as my guide as I look for the stairs going down, The floor sounds it displeasure of having my weight bother it after so long. I enjoy the sounds, the slight light flickers as the trees outside shift to let in the moonlight, the taste of the air. Nothing is right yet it all seems perfect for the moment, the stairs take control of the symphony as I take the first steps down. I can’t remember smiling like this, laughing like this, feeling. Just feeling for me, I have my role, what I was made for. Only now it’s not for them, it’s for her, then the one after her, then the next and the next and the next again.

Light filters through more downstairs, a few boards seem to have been removed from the windows. I may not have been the first visitor after all. The floor is bare concrete, a small pile is sitting in one of the far off corners. There isn’t any active emotional connection that I can grasp, so definitely no-one here now for me to disturb. Getting closer the remnants start to hit. “It’s hers! The sadness, loneliness, desperation, and guilt. Ha! Everything I need is right here, where is she?” She must have chosen this place for the same reasons I did, clever. Pushing out nothing comes back, she’s not here. “Doesn’t matter, I found her at least, she may come back, if not I can find her and bring her things to her as a first meeting.” The pile has her sleeping bag, her backpack, a few books and papers scattered, and a few pieces of clothing.

Check for a name. It will make finding her later easier with a name.

No! Wait until the morning, if she comes back tonight to find you went through her things that could act as a blockade. We’re pretty sure they don’t have units here so she may not accept the privacy invasion.

Finding a comfortable place another corner I lean against the wall with my new bag and wait. “I can’t wait to meet you, Whatever you need, I’ll be here to help you. I promise.” Almost as soon as I get settled my body slows down. A few more days at this stage to get back to a hundred percent, then just time for hair and skin to go back to normal. Nothing is going to stop me though. Nothing.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

My neck feels stiff. She didn’t come back last night, that doesn’t matter though. The morning light shows a bit of dust covering her things, she hasn’t come back in a few days. Might have found another place to stay, which means it’s all the more important to get her things back to her.

Picking up the pages, equations and notes litter each of them, none of the figures make sense though. Some don't seem to indicate mathematical equations or chemical formulas that I’m familiar with, they all seem to work in a more circular formation with repeating factors. Smart girl if she can understand though, doesn’t like writing her name on her work sheets though. Same with her books, they do give me the educational facility. The bag has what I’m looking for though. “Nice to meet you Sunset, you just wait and I’ll be there to help you soon.” I’ll be able to help, I’ll be there soon. They aren’t here to stop me, no-one can stop me. “You’ll be fine, you’ll be happy, you’ll appreciate what I can do. More than they ever could.”

Everything fits neatly, I have all the information I need to find her. Just need to find Canterlot High School. If she was staying here it should be within a reasonable walking distance. “She’s a smart girl, just need to find the city centre first. Educational facilities are always in easily accessible locations”

Protocol outside our standardised development plans may not be relevant here, their efficiency has already been subject to scrutiny.

However if school does begin at an early hour we should see a number of younger individuals heading in the same direction, if we’re able to confirm that they’re heading to the school we need…

Plan set, bags on. If she’s been sleeping here it may be prudent to check the other rooms down here to see if anything else was left, if I’m going to give her things back it’ll be all her things.

She’s left the rest pretty much untouched, either she only used this place as a place to rest rather than a refuge or she’s frugal. It’s strange, rooms with desks that could be made into makeshift beds so she isn’t stuck on the floor are left alone covered in dust, yet one of the toilet rooms has had a makeshift shower jury rigged from the sink with a small container linking up with a gas bottle. She knows how to care for herself, but seems to avoid making things easier than they need to unless it’s for something important. Why would a young girl with so much potential be living in these conditions? If she didn’t need to come back last night what’s changed now? Why leave her thing behind? Too much I don’t know, Too much I want to know.

We will learn nothing standing here.

“Nothing else here. I just need to find her.” The second floor is much easier to find and traverse with a bit of morning light, less to focus on getting back when I can see where my feet are going to land. The breeze of the morning air tells me the door is just around the corner.

We’re learning more about her though, we don’t have information packets to give us what we need, we haven’t been given expectations of how to deal with her or what to aim for. Everything she’s left behind helps us, how she feels is insignificant information if we don’t know why, or what she’s likely to respond to.

As I start down the ladder a small melody that I remember from the hospital lobby fills my head, music was never very popular at home but here. I whistle along with my own recollection, out of tune, parts are missing. It’s still the best thing I’ve heard in a long time.

We need to know who it is we’re helping, we need to know her-

I don’t need to know her, I just need to help her. Drain her sorrow, take her anger, humans are all the same. Egotistical, self-serving and wasteful. She’ll be no different, I was made to help them, to keep them going when their own minds betray them. She’ll probably forget me when I’m done, I may hope for the best to keep myself from going mad but looking back they never bother to remember me in the first place. Who ever remembered EB-247-D? Knowing her will just make things more difficult.

We know that she’s depressed. We also know her name and where she is. Anything above that is pointless conjecture. If she doesn’t respond then we mark her as a black candidate and move on.

We have an opportunity to be more, we want to help, we want to prove we’re worth it. Why go back to relying on their procedures when we don’t have to. These humans helped us when we first got here. They cared. Why not let ourselves try and get closer to help better than just getting her back to functional.

Because I don’t need to get closer, I just need to be useful, I just need to help. Anything beyond that is their problem. They helped put me back together after they threw me away, they also immediately tried to put me back to sleep and follow their demands. I’m not following their procedures anymore, I’m not letting myself get hurt by them anymore either. I help because I want to help, as soon as I lose that desire I’ll find something else to do instead.

That is against our purpose.
You can’t.

“I can, I can do whatever I want now. I want to help, I want to laugh, I want to experience the world as they do. Right now, I want to meet Sunset Shimmer. I want to prove that I’m not obsolete, I want. I want. I want.” The music stops and I begin to laugh again, louder and louder. My throat burns as the sound takes all the air from my lungs and escapes with the mirth I’m feeling. “I never got to want, I never had any desires. My purpose is irrelevant at this point.” They threw me away here, whether intentional or not. I’m going to make the most of that error.

It’s weird how the street is still bare, there are a few lights still operating but even at this time of the morning nothing seems to be going on. The buildings are broken and most are fenced off and boarded up, just like my temporary residence last night. I continue straight, following the path I ran last night when I lost myself and opened my eyes to the possibilities. How far did I run, didn’t think I could possibly be this capable coming out of medicinal unconsciousness then dosed with sedative.

The tune pops into my head again as I continue to walk, I can’t help but hum along with the sound, it helps in drowning out my own thoughts of mistakes and protocol. I’m having too much fun, enjoying my first tastes of freedom. Finding myself with options that I don’t want to take away from myself by falling into old habits. If I make a mistake it’s my mistake to make.

I close my eyes and lean back slightly to feel the morning breeze wash over my face, I enjoy the cool, the sound of the wind brushing past my ears… the feeling of falling over after walking face first into something in the middle of the path. A feeling of freedom should not be making me fail to notice a giant sign embedded into the concrete.

Nothing broken, nothing hurting more than has been usual since my arrival. Wiping my nose I notice the red staining my hand as I pull away. “That’ll teach me to watch where I’m going.” Pulling myself up by grabbing the leg of the culprit that knocked me down, I notice that it’s a warning of planned reconstruction efforts for the entire district. “Oh, well that explains why there isn’t anyone here. Also why she’d be hiding here.” Should be more people ahead though if everything from here on is still in a functional state.

Definitely more. Much, much more. Cars with only one occupant at times, stores only just starting to open their doors, adults, children, and elderly. All walking about with their own thoughts and destinations. The tastes follow every colour of the spectrum, sitting here for five minutes would be the equivalent of an entire days worth of an EA units required work at home. The wrongness is overwhelming, yet the smiles, the laughter, the hope, despair, love, lust, anger, sadness. The symphony of life and chaos is more beautiful than I could imagine, I want to join in. I want to laugh with the little boy as he watches the man play with a puppet across the street. I want to cry with the young woman driving past. I want to stare longingly along with the boy as he entrances himself with the girl walking beside him despairing at the day to come. It’s all wrong and yet it’s more than anything I’ve ever been able to see before, been able to experience before. I never want it to end.

Looking around taking as much as I can, I see a few teenagers walking down one of the streets, cars with others seem to travelling that way as well. All the ones walking are chatting happily, similar backpacks to the one I found this morning. Need to be sure though. I speed up a little to catch up with a small group of three boys.

“Excuse me.” one out of three turning to look over his shoulder is honestly better than I expected. “Hello, I was just wanting to check that this was the right way to Canterlot High School?” The original listener stops and actually faces me, the other two realise their friend has left the line and look back a few steps later. almost enough to stare in open mouth surprise, very few people would risk a delay in their own plans to assist another let alone a group of people. I’m enjoying all the pleasant surprises this place seems to subject me too.

“You a new student? Definitely think I’d remember if we had a skinhead.” What’s a skinhead? From the look the burly guy that asked me, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know, I definitely don’t want to have him think I’m one if his reaction to the possibility is anything to go by. His anger while staring at me is unnerving.

“C’mon dude, guy asked a harmless question and you’re jumping down his throat. If you’re gonna be an arse then keep walking and I’ll be a decent person in your stead.” Oh, wow. I’m not sure if it’s the fact he was able to say that statement without a hint of animosity, or that he stood up to a companion for a random stranger that impresses me more. The big guy and the lanky one that kept pace with him originally turn and walk away, the burly one having raised a hand with a middle digit raised. Not sure why but it seems to upset the guy with me.

“Sorry didn’t mean to cause a disagreement between you all.” The fact that his only response is to scoff tends to make me think it’s not the first time this has happened.

“Nah Brawly’s just an asshole who likes to think he’s being inclusive by judging people ahead of time if they tick certain boxes. Decent guy once you get to know him though.” That makes zero sense.

“Anyway, to answer your original question. Yes CHS is this way.” The confusion I feel right after that worries me. “Are you actually a new student, don’t wanna be rude but I can’t tell with the lack of hair and, uh, y’know.” Add a bit of embarrassment to the confusion and we have this moment we’re having. Of which I’m just as confused.

“I only just arrived in the area, a few days ago. Didn’t have the best entrance and ended up in the hospital, if you were asking why the lack of hair and burns.” Shoot that embarrassment up a bit more, take away the confusion, add a dash of sorrow and you have the bundle of nerves with blue hair in front of me.

“Oh… yea okay. Hurm, ah. Right. W-well at least you’re better now, right, a-heh.” This is adorable, never seen anything like it.

“Since the other guys already went ahead, I can show you around, if you, um, y’know. Want a bit of help.”

I think I struck the jackpot finding this guy. “I’d really appreciate that, not used to the area yet. Like at all sort of thing.” He might even know her and be able to introduce us, make things easier no matter how much I can use him.

“No worries man, I’m Flash Sentry by the way, everyone calls me Flash though.” The smile that could make girls swoon and confidence once the embarrassment clears, very stable individual. His individual emotional density pales in comparison to hers. Strange.

“It’s very nice to meet you Flash, you can call me EB.” No other units around to distinguish between and EB-247-D always seems to be a mouthful more than anyone ever wants to say anyway. “I really appreciate your help.” Keep the smile up as well, they always trust the smile.

“Anytime, still got plenty of time to get there, we were going to try and get some practice in early. Only reason we’re coming in at this time of the morning. It’s only about a five minute walk from here.”

Excellent.

I’m almost there, see you soon Sunset.

Author's Note

Right that promise I made that this one should be out with a better time, yea that came back to bite me, sorry.

Not making any promises other than I'm doing my best for the next chapter.

Anyway. This chapter hopefully starts to show just how broken our other side is.

So hope you enjoy, I know I enjoyed finally getting it out there.