Those Cast Aside

by InsanityStreak

Rating: mature
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Profanity, Violence, Slice of Life, Dazzlings, Alternate Universe, Human, Sad, Drama, Original Character, Suicide / Self Harm, Equestria Girls
Length: 24036

Two broken souls cast out and abandoned try to work together to find out if what has been broken can ever be fixed.

Sunset thought she was given a chance at redemption, to truly find a place where she would be accepted and find friends that she could lean on to help her back on track to finding a place she belonged.

This was not the case. Now finding herself in the same position as she was all those years ago but with nowhere left to run she struggles to find a reason why one cast out should continue pushing forward.

Published 2019-08-19 04:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-02-01 13:56:22 UTC

Those Cast Aside Prologue

Those Cast Aside

Prologue

Emotions are such complex yet simple things, say the word happy, or sad and everyone will understand what you mean. Ask them to define what those things are and you will rarely get the same answer, ask what they drive a person to do and some won’t be able to answer at all.

We were created to understand that difference, to control it and stop the worst of what humanity is capable of because of these complex yet simple little things. By feeling what others cannot, drawing it out and taking it away if necessary. It took time but we succeeded, patterns were found, advancements made and people flourished, we were useful for hundreds of years, to the point we were called on less and less, then not at all.

When tools are no longer needed they are put away until you need them again, unless they’re deemed dangerous, those are destroyed. Why risk your people when a tool could be re-made later if it becomes necessary. Even if that tool bleeds like you do.

Two months out of commission is more than I’ve ever been subjected to, usually it was either time to recover or being transported between posts, but never actively removed from public access. Now though I could only feel two people on the other side of the door where I’ve been placed on standby. They have been rotating with four others constantly for weeks now, only opening the door to drop off food and water twice a day. I wouldn’t need this much if they let me back out, or if those outside felt anything I could help relieve them of.

Sitting on the edge of the cot I’ve been provided with I feel different presences from the usual six approaching, Getting up and standing in line with with door, an easy smile settling on my face, ‘time to get to work’. The individual who walks through looks and feels much more refined and whole than my usual charges, his smile matches mine, his emotional state seems just as stable. So why bring him to me?

“Hello there, it’s nice to meet you. How can I be of assistance?” His smile doesn’t drop at my question although there is a flicker within him, concern maybe. It’s been too long since I was last able to draw from someone that I’m losing my edge.

“Ah, apologies but I am not here for your ‘services’. I am here simply as an escort. If you’ll follow me.” his voice is chipper but definitely forced. Knocking on the door it opens immediately showing a pair of peacekeepers. The gentleman holds out his hand in offer as I walk out.

Following me out and taking a lead to our procession he begins down the hall without uttering any further instructions, I fall in step behind him trying to reach out to the group behind me, they’re the same as those that were watching over my room, there’s nothing there. The whole situation is unnerving in a sense with how little information I’ve been given and how little I can feel from them.

The trip through the complex doesn’t do anything to dull my nerves at this point, no sounds other than three pairs of shoes and my bare feet echo as we walk, no windows, doors, or even other people travelling through our route. This office has always been bustling every time I’ve had to visit, why such a stark difference now?

We stop outside what I think would be a conference room, only difference from the usual being this ones seem to have tinted and soundproofed windows. I get a small nudge from the peacekeepers behind me, looking over my shoulder at them questioningly the only response I get is a pointed finger into the room where the first thing I see is a slightly raised platform glowing slightly. My guide holds open the door allowing me access.

Walking onto the platform I realise that no-one else is here, before I have a chance to question why, the door is closed and I find myself alone again. I try to step down from the platform only to reel back in pain when my face is smashed against what I could swear felt like a solid wall, instinctively grabbing my face I feel blood trickling through my fingers.

Swearing to myself I try and feel around for some way out when a voice cuts in.

“I wouldn’t bother if I were you, once we activate the transportation panel security protocols kick in and won’t turn off until the process is complete.” The monitor has lit up and the voice of a woman with a bored tone resonates through the room.

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t see the screen come on. Wait, wh--” I’m cut off as soon as I start talking, the cold uncaring voice she uses causes me to feel more uncomfortable about what’s going on, which considering my situation I feel is a feat in itself.

“You’ve been brought here to be ‘retired’”

My mind goes blank for a few seconds, before I begin to laugh “Sorry, that’s a bit sudden. What do you mean retired? I was created to complete my duties, I’m not given the option of retirement from my understanding.”

“We no longer need you, as such we have been told to take you out of service, the formal documentation of your removal will be that your kind have been retired. That is all the public will know and all that you need to know.”

My legs give out and I fall to my knees, no warnings, no explanation, just tossed aside.

“You mean you’re going to kill me!?” I’d like to think my voice came out strong considering, but staring down the barrel of a gun you’re never as brave as you want to be.

“People can be killed. Animals can be killed. Even insects can be killed. You however are nothing more than obsolete government property” my head drops to my chest, My eyes burn and I feel my chest start to heave, I’m hyperventilating.

“We cannot however simply leave anything that would indicate what we used to make you, so instead of usual methods we will instead be removing you completely. The transport pad under your feet is usually used for inorganic material, what data we receive from the activation cycle will be a good baseline to see if it can be tweaked for organic use. Be grateful you’re getting one final use before you go.”

I barely hear her at this point over the sound of my heart and lungs trying to keep up with the panic. I feel the floor beneath me start to hum, it goes from cold metal to a slight warmth until it starts to burn. ‘I don’t want to go’, ‘I can still be useful’, ‘you can’t do this to me’. So many thoughts race and break apart just as quickly as the heat underneath becomes near unbearable, as it reaches what I think to be it’s peak I finally manage to raise my head and say the only thing that matters.

“Please don’t throw me away, I just wanted to help you.”

Everything hurts, How can one crater leave so much debris? How many bags of crap do they need to fill it in? Why didn’t I agree to let Snips and Snails share the workload again? Oh yeah, it’s because they don’t deserve to suffer for being stupid enough to follow me, that’s why. I did this, I’ll fix it and prove I’m worth something again. Just like she said I could be. Even if no-one else seems to believe it.

“HEY BITCH!” Joy, the soccer club’s out for the day, “Quit slacking off, I wanna be able to get through the front door again sometime this year!” Smile and nod Sunset, just smile and nod, she’s right, you caused this and the faster you help fix it the sooner they might stop hating you, maybe. Hopefully.

“Don’t worry Rainbow, I’ll get this done as soon as I can. I promised I’d fix it up and I will. You have my word.” I look over to make sure she can hear me, I want them to see I’m making an honest effort, that I have changed from what happened at the formal. All I see is her walking away flipping me off.

“Your word means jack shit, your actions even less. Everyone knows it. Plus causing the school to pay for what you wrecked isn’t ‘fixing’ anything.”

She’s already gone around the corner before I can reply “But it’s all I can do.” Great rebuttal Sunny, say it louder and you might actually believe it yourself one day. Rainbow’s gone anyway so quit moping and get back to work, sooner you finish, the sooner you can go to bed, then start all over again tomorrow. I sigh and head over to the ‘real’ workers.

The foreman looks up as soon as I get close enough “Done talking to your friend already?” he’s always been nice considering, guess helping him secure a paycheck is worth having to deal with a teenage brat. “We’re pretty much done with the heavy lifting today, all you need to do is get what’s left on the pallets moved into the storage shed in case it rains, nothing too heavy so you should be right on your own but the nurse and principal are still inside just in case.” He doesn’t even wait for an answer and just walks off. The others have already started towards the car park as well.

“Yes sir.” another sigh pushes itself out, I run my hands through my hair looking at the five full pallet of bags, this is going to take hours, but if you never start you’ll never finish. Picking up the first bag of many I start trudging towards the supply shed.

New level of pain achieved whoo! If I could still lift my hands above my shoulders I’d give myself a high five, instead I think I’ll just go sit down until I regain proper sensation in my anything. Wobbling towards the statue, I lean against the portal base. Running a hand along it I get the same reaction as every other night. None.

“Hey Twilight, how’s your day been?”

“...”

“Nice. Good to hear things are going well for you over there. My day was ‘great’ as well, got to speak to Rainbow this afternoon, which was a nice change of pace. Getting closer to finally filling in that crater as well, been working hard, just like you asked me.”

“...”

“What No!, I’m doing this because I want to atone, not because you told me to! I don’t want to be alone anymore! Please, your friends don’t want to teach me like you promised me they would, they just want to abandon me, just like Celestia did, just like everyone else does. I can’t go through that anymore. Please Twilight, please.”

“...”

“YOU FUCKING BITCH, DON’T IGNORE ME! I HAVE NOTHING LEFT! NOTHING!” My fist slams into the mirror trying to get an answer for once, I can’t see anything through the tears but I don’t want to see what would be in that reflection anyway. Who would. Hoarse laughter starts erupting out of my throat, always better to laugh then cry right? Smile, smile, smile, then smile some more. Didn’t get anywhere being mean, not getting anywhere trying to be nice, no point thinking being sad will change things for the better. Nothing will, things can’t change.

“You know what, it doesn’t even matter. I made a promise that I’d fix this, I will, because I keep my damn promises. Once I’m done you and everyone else won’t have to worry either, you don’t need me here, you all know I deserve to be alone, but I can’t, not again, so once I’ve kept my promise I’ll just leave everything, then I won’t be a burden ever again. Everyone important gets what they want. Everyone important can be happy.”

I drag my hands off the statue, Everything will work out fine for everyone this way. As I start to walk off though I hear a crackling sound, almost like the white noise you get with the old T.V’s they use for classes, turning around I see the base of the statue warping. The crackling sounds getting louder and the surface of the mirror almost looks as though its boiling. I back up slowly, before I have the chance to turn and run the mirror blasts out a wall of heat which knocks me off my feet, as I’m scrambling to get back to feet my hands hit something that feels like overcooked meat. Looking up I see what I swear would be better described as a horror prop, a body covered in angry red burns some parts charred black, bleeding profusely and still smoking.

I pull my hands off as soon as I can, looking down they’re smeared red. My breathing picks up quickly, starting to shuffle away from the corpse in front of me I hear the last sound I expected, whimpers and groans start to come out of the poor bastard in front of me as the body starts to stir slowly twisting onto it’s back. I’d never seen anyone this hurt before, didn’t think I’d ever have to see someone like this, let alone have to watch their last moments before they die… What the fuck is wrong with me!? Get off your arse and help them, not watch them die. You stupid bitch!

“Shit-shit-shit, hang on, you’ll be fine, you’ll be okay” Yep keep panicking and telling the dying person in front of you useless platitudes Sunset, much more helpful than ANYTHING ELSE POSSIBLE! “I’ll get help just hold on okay.” Of all the times I could use my cell phone now would be perfect, frigging vice principal. As soon as I get up I feel a weak pressure grab my ankle, Looking down I realised this living lump of meat wasn’t even lucky enough to be unconscious, their hand latched onto my ankle, head raised with wide eyes staring right at me.

“P̘̗̌̚͞l̛͈̹̞̞e͙̳̰͍̳̼͊̊ͅa̠̤̝͈͕̰̮̐ͥͥͥ̔š̪͚̗ͦͫe̼̥͎̮̬͕̼ͪ̍!̙̝̙̱ͯ͊ ̷̫̥̳͔̞̏ͫD̠̬̦͉͇̓̈́͌̃̐ͩȯ̝͚͎̠̼̥͓̀ͩ̌ͦͪ͂n̶̄'̬̣̏ͫͬ́t͉ͥ̃ͦ̽͒̊͞ ̣̣̜̣̥͍̦̆t͓͂̓̉h̴̪̊͆̀̿̌́͆r͉͖̼ͅo͎̬̫̩͈̻͖͑̔ͬ̆̐ͦ̈́w͛̑ͦͨ̋ͫ҉̘̟̣̝͈ͅ ͚̞̘̩̥͊m̙̳̤̰͐̔͗̿e͓̜̖͖̜̎̍̓̑́̇ ̤̫͕͎͑ͮ̅ͦ̆a͋͞wͣa̖̝̮͗̂y̺͙̣͉ͮ,̀ͫ̅ͫͫͨ̇͟ ̱͖̜ͬ͐ͪͬ̑Ḭ̗̠̩̂̔̽̈͡ ̨̱͉͕̻̗͚̗͋ͦc̦̐͐̇͟ä́̾̎̊͊͛̇͏͖n̫̝͕̥̝͙̹̏ͪ ̝̻̯͎̝h̬͓̰̳̳̖̉̿ͅe̖̮̎̄ͪ̿ͭ̇l͈͎̝̱̰͕͌̅̃̂̍̕pͫͭ̉ ̣̻̙͊́̓ͥ̓̊̂ͅyͧ̆ͯ̃͊͢o̢̻̣͈͂ͭ̋́ü̶̲̰͎! ̢̼͑ͣͩY͓͈ͪ̿ͬö̱͇̘̜͍̝ͣ̿͌̓̋͐ư̭̊̏̋̓ ̮̲̝̩̂͒d̴̪̝͛̋̒ò͙͉̭͇̫̝ͭͩ͛n̵͈̻͚̦̄'̶͎̼̻̞̋͐͂̎ͥ̒t̷͕͓̊̊̓ͭͫ ̢̾̌ͨͩn͖͈̑ͭͭͦ͑ͩ̚ë́ͮͮe̼͓͠d̪̻͍̝͔̟̮͑͋͑ ̡͔̖̰͍̫͈̄̔ͩ̌ͮt̾̂͏͓̘ő̭̺̻̻ͩͨ ̲̂̔ͬ͛̂ͯ̑ḧ́ͪͭ̐ͥų̟͔͍͖̩ͥͅr̶͈̙̪̃̃̑̓͑͒̌ͅt̮͈̝̃̍̎ͥ̐ ̜̤̖̯̱̻̞̊̂͌͑aͦ̿ņ̹̦̬̲̋̓̄ͦ̃ͣ̊y̸̗ͮ̃ͧ͋̈́̔͒m̥͔ő̼̃̂̀r̥̼̜̽̔̈̾ͯ͠e͙͕̣̫͚̞,͇̉͢ ͌̾͗̊P̳͙͉͈̓̇̄ͦḷ̛͙̯̣͙̈́̏ͯ̍ȅ̜͕͖̪̻̝̿̽ͨ̓ͩ́͠a̘͒ͨ͆ͤ͂͒ș͔̺̔ͪẹ̝̭̗̞̫̐̑ͬ!̡̻̹”

His(?) lips can barely move and start dribbling fluid when he tries, I can’t understand what he’s saying but I need to get him help Whatever it is he's trying to say, it can wait.

“I’ll be right back, I need to find someone.” I don’t yank on his hand but I have to force him to let go, his eyes go wider and he starts to reach out but I’m already running into the school grounds, please let someone still be here, I need to be able to do something right for once. As I reach the front I can hear him screaming.

“N̷̙̰̫̗ͨo̕!̝͓͔̤̤̟̗ͪ̋ ̬̓͌͛D̪̲̟̮̲̘ͫͅo͕͚̟̙̭̻̍͛͆̏̕ͅn͙̦͌̌'̡͍̼̜ͭͩͫ̊t̢̝͂ ̛͚͓̥͉̩͙l͖̩͙̩̞̬̈̓͆̆̃e̾͏̼̫a̘̻͈̩͎͇̼v̦͍̰͛ͫ̅̎͆͆ȩ̣̯̾̉!̧̼̲̬̱͇̱̟ͫͯ ̦̼̗̞͚͉̙̽̓͛̈̕I͈͎̞̻̭͎͕ ̙͈̮͕̥̤͎̌c̪̞̟͂̋́͛̄̚ͅa͑̀̔ͥ͊͒̕n̻̗̤͕͒ͬ̆ ̥̙̼̖ͩ̀ͣ͌ͣ͡h̸̠͕̣͖ë̴̦̤̫̘̱̞̹́ḽ͔͎̙͎̿͐͋ͧͫ̎͡p̟̹̟̲ ̐̎ͦ҉̩y̷̗̭͎̲̥̔ͤͯ͆ͦ͌ͤo̸̜̰̽̿̎̋̏ṷ͖̭̯̈́!̤̱̭̭̹͌̑̆ͪ͂̒̅́ ̪͈̩͓̟̎D̩͕͇̩͚̽̾̓ͯ̽̈́̉ͅo̳͉͍̓̎͞ͅn̦͕̳̰̯̏͌ͦ̅ͬ́̚'̩ͯ͑͑̔t͇̲̩̫̞ͪ̄̚ ̺̤̜̩͗̈̈́̊̄ͩͧt̫͙͇͙̲͕̿ͧ͡h̹̞̲̾̈̀̏͂r̙̤̤̗̭̥̟̍̎ô̤̣̠̳̱ͦ̉̽ẘ̸̘̄ͅ ̖̣̪̬̼̲̍͐͌m͐̏͛͆ͯ̌͒҉e͎͕̥̘̓ͮ̋͛̽͛͗ ̟̮͙͖͍̺̈́ͨ̂ͪ̉̀a̮̝͓w̜̤̥̙̣ͤͪ̌̊ͅa͔͓̩̟͌y̯̺̪͚̼̗̜̐ͪ͒͆ͭ̐ͣ!̸͈̜̏ͦ̏͂ ̥͎͂ͫ́P̤̞̞̬̱͟l̡͍̭̹͊ḙ̢͑̃a͎̦̻͉̽ͩ̈̿̄̾s̥̼̮̘̻̀ͅẹ̴͔̗̩̰̳!̜̭̒̆̿̓”

Chapter 1 - Chances we are given

Chapter 1

Chances we are given

Running full tilt through the halls in the dark is not my best idea, in fact give me a pair of scissors and I’ll make it a trifecta of stupid ideas. Almost there though, Redheart will be able to call for help and will be of much useful than my ‘assistance’ ever could.

Until I reach the dark unlit nurses station with a closed, locked door.

“Why are the lights off!?” Oh great here comes the panic again. “No-no-no-no-no, she can’t be gone, Solid told me she’s still here. He needs help!” Okay calm down a second girl, School doors weren’t locked so someone’s still here obviously “Celestia!” Alright plan made and course set, let’s get these legs working again. The halls are wide enough that I don’t need to slow down to get around the corners and her office is close enough that this won’t be any issue. Please let her be here, don’t tell me I’m stuck finding a janitor.

Jackpot, lights are on and the door’s open. Mental check; calmly walk in and explain to Celestia that there is a severely injured person outside so we need to call for an ambulance and go there to help him.
“PrincipalCelestiathere’someonedyingoutsidehe’sbleedingandburntandohgoddon’tlethimdieweneedtohelp!” Or we can continue to panic and cause more problems to his rapidly decreasing health, great job dumbass.

The fact that Celestia’s first reaction was to sigh is not a good indication that she actually understood me. “Miss Shimmer, it has been a long day and I do not have time for--” Oh wow I never actually thought people could go pale that fast. “Wh-What is that on your face Sunset?” Huh? Nothing’s on my face? Going to raise my hands up I realise what’s happened, I ran my hands over my head when I was outside Redhearts office. Oh god, that smell. Get it off, get it off me right NOW! I’m scrubbing but the smell is getting worse, why won’t it go away!

“Sunset! Stop, calm down, tell me what’s happened.” She’s got some tissues for me. These’ll help at least, maybe a little. More importantly though, take two. Get. Him. Help

“Out the front near the statue, there was some kind of explosion, except not really.” Not the main point Sunny, need to help him first. “Not important though, when I stood up there was a guy, I kind of fell on him getting up first.” covering us with his blood, can’t forget what we’re covered in right now, gotta file that away for all future nightmares “h-he’s hurt really bad.” My eyes are starting to blur again, it’s a little hard to breathe, I have to get through this, he’s got to get some help. “Burns and bleeding. He grabbed me by the ankle when I went to get help. We need to help him! I don’t want anyone to get hurt again!”

Celestia’s already on the phone as soon as I mentioned someone else, that’s good right? He’ll get help, I was able to get help. Leaning against the wall I let myself slide down holding onto my shoulders for support. I was able to help someone, me. I couldn’t stop the breakdown now if I wanted to.

“Sunset, they’re sending help now, we need to meet them there. Can you follow me, or do you need me to help?” How can she talk so calmly in this situation, I’ve devolved into a blubbering mess and here she stands cool, calm, and collected. Just like her.

“I-I’ll be alright.” No I won’t. “C-Can I just go home, I just want a shower and some sleep.” Let me rest, I can’t do this anymore.

“Not right now, I’m sorry Sunset, we need them to check you to make sure you didn’t get hurt.” Wonderful. Getting to my feet is a bigger task than I think I’m ready for, my stomach is burning and my legs feel like paper. Celestia has her hands on my shoulders helping me steady myself before I get the chance to kiss the floor again.

“It’s alright, just a few quick checks and I’ll drive you home myself.” That would be ‘great’, if I actually had a proper home. No matter how good you are at manipulating teenagers and overworked staff of a high school, getting a rental property with no legitimate credentials falls squarely into the impossible pile.

“I don’t need a lift, my place is only just down the road” meaning a half hour walk into what is definitely defined as a ‘place’. “I wouldn’t want to leave a mess in your car anyway.”

“I’m not sure about that Sunset...” don’t look at me like that, don’t use that disappointed tone she always used.

“We should be more worried about the guy that got hurt anyway, I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.” Walk faster, as soon as she sees him she’ll forget about me. “I want to make sure he’s alright, we should just get outside to wait.”

Looking at the scene I can’t help but think ‘Solid is going to be so pissed at this mess in the morning’. Immediately followed by ‘how the fuck did this guy drag himself closer to the door’. In hindsight should have made thought a priority but I’m calling shock and stress as factors in my disbelief that someone in his condition ‘could’ move let alone would be crazy enough to try.

“Oh dear. This is bad.” Never seen the principal move so fast to get down to him. “Ok, ok, pulse is still there, breathing is really shallow but constant. He’s bleeding but it looks to be from abrasions, nothing deep enough that I can see.” Basic response checklist, they had a class on this and I completely skipped it, congrats Sunny, new level of fuck up achieved.

The sound of the sirens distracts me from Celestia talking herself through basic first aid checklists, thinking I’m going to see an ambulance pull up, I’m surprised to see the Police following right behind. ‘Explosion’ Ms ‘it’s not important’ explosions involve the police.

“Sunset, can you wait with him while I lead the EMTs here.” She’s already off so I guess that answers that question. Seeing him again is strange, he doesn’t look as bad as he did when I first saw him. Was I panicking that badly? He’s still bleeding, there are still bad burns all over his body but they don’t look as angry as I thought at first. Getting closer I take a seat, I can hear slow raspy breaths coming from him.

Looking over I see Celestia walking back with the paramedics and their gurney, she’s going through everything she saw and did, my attention shifts pretty quickly when I hear a soft voice “Let me help you, please let me help.” I see those eyes looking right at me again, his lips move without cracking or dribbling this time. I can still barely hear him but I can understand the words coming out “Don’t throw me away, I can help, please, you need to let me help.”

Before I can respond the gurney arrives and enough noise drowns out anything else he had to say. “H-he’s awake.” One of the responders immediately drops down and starts trying to talk to him, My mind’s working in such overdrive his words sound garbled and the world starts spinning. I feel a pull getting me back to my feet and moving towards the stairs with loud echoing sounds right next to my head, looking to the side I see the other EMT holding onto my shoulder guiding me. Her mouth is moving but still the words don’t make sense, my stomach is burning, my head feels light and breathing is becoming more and more of a chore. As I try to turn my head to focus of what’s being said to me I just feel everything drop away.

Pain was always a hard thing to get control of, it’s never the same reaction even with the same person. Some go straight to sadness and regret over what caused it, some get angry and overcome it with adrenaline. We had processes in place to limit the pain we felt in particular to prevent operation errors. Having your entire body immolated from the inside out however has the ‘strange’ effect of making those completely and utterly useless.

‘They threw us away’

‘We need to get ourselves fixed’

‘It HuRtS mAkE iT sToP, mAkE tHe HuRtInG sToP!’

When your head is pulling you in multiple directions at the same time, it takes an outside source to knock you back on track. Sometimes that knock has to be literal, which when your body is already broken and screaming in agony is not the best return to reality. Still better than tearing yourself apart though, if only by a little. The weight on my back caused my skin to tear and all my faculties to start firing at once. The first thing outside of the blinding pain I felt was a depression so visceral I could feel everything going into overdrive trying to process it. Once the weight lifted off me feelings of horror, fear and guilt mixed into the negativity that was already permeating the area. I wasn’t used to dealing with feelings this strong, not in more years than I could remember clearly at least but this kicked one part of my mind directly in control.

They threw me away because they didn’t need me, if this person needs me I won’t be thrown away again. I can be useful again, I can help someone again.

Rolling over hurts, it really, really hurts but getting onto my back gives me a distinct advantage of making breathing slightly less painful, it also gives me access to see the young woman on the verge of a panic attack leaning over me.

My mind is still running in a thousand different directions through the pain haze I’m in and the situation that I’ve been thrust into, before I have a chance to get my bearings and make my next move though she starts to move. Again I panic and everything focuses on one factor ‘I can’t be left alone again, I need to be useful to prove they need me’ my hand shoots out and grabs a hold on her ankle, it burns and I push to stop myself screaming but I have to stop her, I have to help her, I can’t be left alone again. I don’t even know what I’m doing at this point, I feel my lips and throat tearing apart as I try to talk, my fingers scream as my hand tries to keep hold of the woman in front of me, my mind continues to rush from thought to thought with only one keeping itself afloat through the haze ‘don’t let her go’.

The removal of my hand crushed that thought quickly, my panic rose higher and I start screaming, I can see her running inside, away from me. Not again, no I won't be thrown away again.

Now I have a focal point, ignoring the procession of my thoughts becomes a little easier. My body still rejects the smallest movements but what she gave is already being put to work fixing what is broken, my arms already feel a little stronger and since I’ve got no other way I begin to pull myself forward. Every inch burns in ways I wish I couldn’t have imagined before today but the screaming of my body to stop is shoved aside behind the fear she’s already left, all that matter is that I keep moving in that direction.

Every stone, every rock, piece of glass, and general piece of debris digs into my stomach and legs as I drag myself as fast as my body can handle.

Still not fast enough though.

I can still feel her though, right in front of me just beyond those stairs… Great time for my eyes to clear up, looking up after I’ve given myself the faint hope that I have a way to prove myself and instead I see a giant obstacle that there isn’t a chance my broken body can currently overcome.

‘We’re broken we need to get fixed first’

‘JuSt LiE dOwN, tHe PaIn WiLl StOp If We JuSt LiE dOwN’

I can’t keep my head up any longer, I just needed to help someone. I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing.

Footsteps come rushing down towards me, fear and worry follows them but it’s not her, she’s gone and left me too. I keep my head down and hear them mumbling something, until I feel her again, she’s back. She came back, the other one runs off as I’m struggling to look up. She’s sitting right next to me, just a hands reach away.

‘She’ll leave like all the rest’

No! I’ll help her, nothing else matters!

“Let me help you” I can’t hear my own words but her head snaps my way and I see she’s gone pale. “Please, let me help”

‘They’ve thrown you away once, what makes you think they’ll need you now’

“Don’t throw me away, I can help, please, you need to let me help.” She’s still staring at me, her emotional state is starting to go into a state of shock though. I may have taken to much. I just need to reach out, show that I can help stabilize her and that I can function.

Reaching up she looks away, I can see her lips moving but can’t hear her still, guess that confirms the state of my auditory functionality. Others arrive and immediately take her away again, why can’t they just let me help, let me serve my purpose, prove I’m not useless.

Her emotions have seized, it’s a definite shock state with her collapsing into the arms of the other with her, I lose sight of what happens when another walks directly into my line of sight, mouth moving I can only slightly hear the faint sounds as though underwater. I can feel the calm professionalism of those trained to deal with trauma though as even with my state and hers right after a collapse there is still no direct spikes of panic or fear with the situation. I can feel something placed behind me and the one in front signals to me that they will be moving me.

No we can’t let them take us away from her, she’s more important

Once repaired we can assign all available assets to her, repairs are more important right now

She’s hurt and unstable, I may not have the chance to find her again. I wave them off and point at her, the surprise I feel is amusing but I won’t let them take her away. I need her.

The only response I get is a shake of the head until they start to prep me for getting onto the gurney, Struggling would be useless as I can barely get the strength to lift my arms. Getting moved is painful but nothing compared to the hell I put myself through earlier. As they move me towards the medical transport I see the other taking her to another, I will still have the capability to help if she will be heading to the same location. It’s enough to give me hope at least.

Chapter 2 - Misguided kindness

Chapter 2

Misguided Kindness

Emergency transports always have the most interesting lingering emotional attachments, happiness and joy for new parents on the way to giving birth, fear and anxiety for those injured not knowing what’s to come, resignation for those that know they’re about to die and are just running through the final motions. Laying as one of the broken taking what I can to supplement repairs, waiting, just waiting to get back to what’s important.

The trip isn’t long and other than the standard medical preparation for emergency treatment, the entrance into the hospital is standard bedlam, made worse for me with the fact I can’t hear what’s going on. Plenty of fear, anxiety, pain, depression, surprisingly not as much arrogance I was used to in locations with highly trained specialists. The horror I felt passing by a few nurses is a good indication of the damage I’m working against as well. For all I can feel going on around me the biggest problem is that I can’t feel her, she hasn’t arrived yet and that does not help me accept the position I’ve been placed into.

Being surrounded by the emergency staff is stifling and unfamiliar, usually we just have a tech look over the damage run the cost/benefit over if our repairs are worth keeping us running then send us off.

We barely slow down until we hit the surgical room, I don’t have time to take in what’s been laid out on the table before I’m moved onto the prepared bed, the lights blinding me for a few seconds until one of the doctors places a mask over my face. With that cue I allow myself to slow down and have the sedative take effect to assist in maintenance. One deep inhalation later and I know I’ll be out for a while.

Repairs are imminent, work can begin after.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Waking with only a small amount of pain is surprising, laying on a bed rather than a cot more so. Moving limbs to gauge responses and confirm my range of motion twinges but does confirm everything is starting to reach operating capacity, the bandages are restricting me more than my body at this stage from initial tests. The fact that I can hear the tones of the monitor next to me and light murmuring of conversation in the background is a good indication of how much I’ve been able to recover auditory faculties.

The sound of a door opening grabs my attention, the immediate surprise when the arriving nurse sees that I’m active is heightened to fear when she also notices that I’m moving

“What are you doing!?, you shouldn’t be moving in your condition”

“Confirming my current functionality.” thought that one was obvious. “Preliminary results are full motion range and reinstatement of auditory systems.”

“No! no,no,no. You need to lie down and wait for us to check you over first, you don't realise it but you were in a bad way when they brought you in here, we don’t want to risk you hurting yourself pushing too hard too quickly.”

No. Repairs are complete, we must find her and help.

They’re just looking for the chance to get rid of us again

“I have duties that must be attended to, please confirm with medical technicians that unit EB-247-D is ready for reactivation into field duties.” why is she getting angry? “The bandages used should no longer be required either, time has passed and enough excess has been processed to repair all superficial surface injuries.”

“Your duties can damn well wait!” That anger is annoying. Unwarranted as well, I’m stable enough to move so they should be happy to see me out the door.

“Lie down now and I’ll let the doctor know that you’re conscious. You’ll hurt yourself if you try too much too quickly. We’ll check you over and work on getting you better slowly.” She must not be used to our types of units, not many local medical facilities were made to deal with us. Surprising how normal she’s treating though, most see us as malfunctioning equipment, not worth the same time and space as their actual patients. It’s actually concerning how much time they may waste being like this, an argument will only cause more delays though. Better to get them out and work from there.

“I will be willing to wait for a final check over to confirm I’m back to operating capacity, however I will not be waiting beyond that, I must return to finding my charge.”

She will supplement any lingering superficial damages over time with how pronounced her state is currently

“We’ll see.” her budding amusement is grating, We are not toys to be played with. No-one would place the health and well-being of a person above us. Unless, they had orders to keep us out of production.

Screw waiting for the tech, once she leaves get up and get out so they can’t find us

This will help find her, we can do nothing hiding in a bed

Easing back to get into a comfortable position. I don’t say anything while she runs her checks, marks my form. She injects an ampule into one of the cannula on my wrist, I immediately start to feel the effects of a benzodiazepine derivative with an imidazole structure enter my system. She really doesn't know anything about us does she? Sedatives break down before they take effect unless we actively allow the effect to take place, be far to easy for outside sources to see what they shouldn't otherwise. I watch as she smirks her amusement growing thinking she's kept me where I am, picking up her files and walking out the door. Once I can no longer feel that damn amusement I immediately start to remove the bandages covering my body, they come off fairly cleanly, which makes me sure that my decision is the right one.

Divested of the restrictive coverings I get to my feet slowly, testing my weight and balance, making sure I can move without further damage. The drawers on the other side of the bed will have a patient gown, walking around naked is not the best way to go unnoticed. Trying to walk out directly won’t work either since they know I’m awake and will definitely notice my door opening, the windows are sealed as well making that a non-option.

Set off a small surge to act as a distraction to help us slip out, remove the tag and slip into a room to find some different clothing to blend in better.

A little fear can go a long way in a ward where the elevated response could lead the entire ward into a emergency state, they won’t be able to pay attention to a single room if they have to check patients in three or four to ensure they’re health and well-being. Focus it on one end and we’ll be able to walk out the other.

Standing at the door I extend out and feel the greatest cluster. That’ll be the way out then, focusing the other direction I pull out from the unit to exude as much as possible without causing more damage than necessary. I hope they’ll forgive me for this, I just can’t be stuck here to let others suffer while I can help. Even if it means making others suffer.

The Vital monitors start to go off, the feeling of panic and sound of rushed activity passes by the door. Stepping out to a cacophony I walk towards the large exit doors and just press the open switch and walk out. Fresher air and the standard type of ‘quiet’ in a hospital is a welcomed greeting. Now I just need to find a room where I can find some clothing and start looking again. I hope this was worth what it just cost.

One day some genius is going to find the scientific formula to wake up not feeling like crap, unfortunately that genius hasn't gotten off their arse yet so we’ll have to stick to waking up regretting everything. Nothing new there and laziness ain’t going to get us anywhere though so c’mon get your fat arse moving.

“I would recommend you stay still until one of the nurses is able to come and check that you are okay to move, you had a bit of a fall on top of the stress from what you went through this evening.”

Crap, screw your eyes shut just a little tighter. That makes us invisible right?

“Would you like me to get the nurse now or would you prefer a drink of water first?”

Why can’t we catch a break, I’d prefer her instead of her sister in this situation. I can’t even be bothered to respond right now, you’re on your own here I’m handing in my notice before dealing with this shit.

“... ‘hm’ very well miss Shimmer, I’ll get the nurse, I’ll be right back. Please don’t move if you can help it. I would also like to be able to talk to you once they’ve confirmed everything if that’s okay.”

Nope if we just ignore her she’ll go away and never come back.

Whoo, that hope lasted over a minute before getting squished, things must be looking up.

“Good to see you awake dear, you’ve been out for a few hours now. Both your teachers were worried about you, must be a very good student to have them so dedicated to your health." Ha! "Do you mind opening your eyes so we can do a few quick checks? I promise to be out of your hair as soon as possible so you can have a chat with your teacher.”

Opening them is the last thing we should have done, hospital lights are not one of the first things you want shining into your retinas after waking up. The good news is seeing spots means we can ignore what’s sitting on the other side of the room whilst our nurse plays with us like a doll. All minor annoyances must end though, can’t keep the major annoyances waiting after all. That would be rude.

“There we go, looks like you’re good to have the doctor come through for a final check. Should hopefully be out of here tonight, good news is that you’ll be able to sleep in your own bed I’m sure it’s much more comfortable than what we have to offer.” Doubt it

Alright girl get ready for the lecture, you’ve gotten very used to them this last week. I swear Luna picks up the slack for her being way too friendly to really raise her voice at the best of times. We did cop it the first day back after Twilight left though… fun times.

“I’m glad to hear that you’re okay Sunset.”

huh? That was not yelling, we going deaf or did the nurse miss an obvious concussion?

“You fainted when the EMT’s arrived, we were worried you had been hurt and not realised it with everything else that you experienced this evening.”

Where’s the yelling? Accusations? Disapproval?

“How are you feeling?”

Oh boy, million dollar question right there. Can I phone a friend, oh yea missing those, hang on. “Confused, tired, sore, weirded out, overwhelmed, hungry. Take your pick and it’ll be right to some extent.” Ooh smartass response, gotta love the classics, let’s see how it pans out for us.

“Ha! Yes I should have guessed, should have given you a few minutes before asking the obvious. Sorry about that”

Buh?!

“Well before I say anything else let me just say, I’m sorry I doubted that you were capable of being that kind of person. A young man is alive tonight because of your actions.”

He did survive, guess she was able to get the EMTs and police sorted after we kinda, maybe, sorta blacked out on them all. It paid off too, guess what we did was worth it huh? Yay us.

“I did NOTHING.” whoa, whoa, whoa. We’re getting praised here! That’s a good thing remember? We like praise, we like respect. We damn well earned it here. “I left him in a crater to die, ran to Celestia screaming for help!” Fine deny yourself the final good feelings we probably ever had the chance to get from Luna before she changes her mind, good job dumbass.

“Please watch your volume in the hospital miss Shimmer.”

Here we go, remember you brought this one on yourself. I take no responsibility.

“What you did, miss Shimmer, is run directly to help. Many would have run screaming as you put it so eloquently, however they would have run away. You however, saw a severely injured person after going through particularly violent and disorientating event, instead of getting away from the scene and to safety like most young ladies and gentlemen your age would, you ran to get help. However you may feel, that deserves respect and I will not be told otherwise.”

See! We’re better than screaming, panicking teenagers. If that isn’t a confidence boost then I don’t know what to tell you.

“Pfft.” Goddamnit! I do not bust my functioning neurons to let you get away acting like a surly rebellious teen! You come back with a proper self deprecating retort right now young lady or so help me!

“So I run screaming for help and save one person. That magically makes up for everything I’ve done and makes us best friends now does it?” Much better! Knew we had it in us.

“Haaah, no miss Shimmer I never said that. What it means is that I admit my thoughts of you were wrong.”

Ooh back to pissing her off and it only took a minute, damn we’re good.

“I’ll take you home once the doctor let’s you leave tonight, come to my office tomorrow after you’ve had a chance to calm down and process what’s happened this evening, you can pick up your confiscated belongings at the same time. I believe you have earned the right to have those back”

Doubt a teachers gonna drop us where we’ve been staying without complaint. “I’d prefer to go home by myself if that’s ok”

“It is not.”

Dammit

“I’ll be waiting outside, once the doctor finishes up and you’re ready to leave I’ll drop you home.”

The least she could do is say it in a bitchy tone so we have justification to hate her for being nice. Sooo as good as it is that we’re getting a free ride home and don’t have to worry about freezing our fat arse off walking home, how the hell are we going to convince her to let us out where we’ve been staying?

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I lose track of time listening to myself worry about how we’re going to cover where I’ve been staying with Vice Principal Luna, curling up with my head in my arms I just keep going back to how I’m tired of it all. I can’t be bothered to worry about what she’ll say what she finds out, nor about getting my stuff back, nor what my new penance will be. I’m just. Tired.

“As comfortable as that looks I’m sure pillows usually work better, especially when they’re your own.”

Looking up the doctor finishes looking over my charts, I hate the professional smile already.

“I know the nurse already ran some tests, so we should be able to get you out soon, better safe than sorry as they say.”

Same tests Same results. Same small talk. Same.Same.Same. She signs off my discharge sheet and walks out saying the same useless platitudes. Dragging myself to my feet I put on the same shoes before walking out to see the same teacher about to drag me further into tartarus with the same attitude, expecting the same subservience to her demands to take me back to that same place so I can collapse on the same floor to have the same pitiful amount of sleep, wake up in the same place to start the same process. Again and again and again and AGAIN and AGAIN.

As I get into Lunas car all I can think about watching everything start to move is that if everything stays the same, I’ll never get out of the cycle of seeing the same. I’m so sick of the same. Something has to change, I was ready to go back, to disappear. That’s been taken away so I need something else, anything at this point.

I’m sick of everything going back to being the same no matter how hard I try.

Chapter 3 - Starting Point

Chapter 3

Starting Point

Ruminations never last long when you’re acting as navigator. Luna hasn’t really bothered to try and coax any more information out of me and I really don’t care about anything enough to try and bring conversation into the free ride. Doubt it’ll stay that way once we arrive though.

“We’re heading out to the developers area of the city Sunset, there aren’t many residential properties out this way. Are you sure we’re going the right way?”

“Yup, right at the next set of light.” Instead of turning right she pulls up to the side of the road, idles the car and just starts to stare, this is going to be annoying. “Sunset, where are you taking us?” Seriously?

“To where I’ve been staying, I know that both you and Principal Celestia know I’m not a ‘local’ after what happened with the fall formal. It might have been pretty simple to walk into a school and act a student, but getting somewhere to live? You kinda need documents and large sources of income and all that jazz. Don’t exactly have access to that kind of thing, so I make do with a roof over my head where people don’t look all too often.”

“You’ve been a student for a long time Sunset, you never thought to come and speak to us about that?”

“Nope, as soon as you know I’m homeless you get other people involved that look further than just my name. That brings up the fact that ‘Sunset Shimmer’ has no parents to contact, no guardians, no travel records, no birth records. As far as any government agency outside the department of education is concerned I don’t exist. That would not go well for a person trying to blend in unnoticed.”

It takes a few minutes for that to sink in, or she was considering something. If I bothered to look at her instead of the street lights outside it may have been easier to tell.

“What about now, You’re still my student and I now know you’re homeless, so according to you all those things will now happen. What’s the difference?”

“The fact that it doesn’t matter.” Nothing does. “I’m not trying to subvert the student population anymore, not trying to blend in or prove anything.” No point. “Once I was done with helping to fix up the front of the school I was going to leave, can’t even do that anymore after tonight.” I’m stuck.

“So what now then? What are you planning now?”

The rush of air out of my mouth kept my voice even. “Dunno” got nothing left. “No-one at the school wants me there. Can’t go back where I came from anymore, can’t leave anywhere else since we just confirmed I technically don’t exist. Ran out of stuff to pawn so I’ll be out of cash soon.”

The quiet returns and stays this time. The street lights are starting to give me a headache but I can’t be bothered to look anywhere else, Luna fixes that problem for me though by pulling away from the curb and pulling a U-turn.

“That’s not the way to my place” what’s she planning.

“Very astute observation.” oh fuck you bitch, smartass comments are my domain, hands off. “You are wrong however in thinking that no-one care.” Oh this’ll be great. “Both my sister and I care a great deal.” uh huh. “You are correct in that as a professional responsibility we would have had to report this, believe it or not, however we are capable of ‘forgetting’ to do these things in cases where we don’t agree with the outcome.” oh no. “So until such a time as you are back on your feet, with a proper roof over your head and a job with an income I will be offering you a spare room at my home.” nonononononono nonononononono nonononononono

“No.”

“You have two choices here Sunset. One, you accept my hospitality until you get to a point you’re on your feet. Or two, I call through and advise we have a minor living in a homeless situation and you try and deal with the fallout there.”

“Fuck you.” I don’t want to deal with this shit

“Glad you see it my way.” fuck you with a cactus

No point answering her back, should have just kept my mouth shut. The rest of the trip is silent, but I can hear the smile on her face thinking she’s won. Probably thinks it’ll make it easier to keep an eye on me anyway.

I watch the world fly by, quietly at this time of night. The street lights casting shadows showcasing the neighbourhood. The area Luna drives through isn’t the most impressive but it’s definitely higher class than I’ve gotten used to, as the houses flash by I start to see similarities in the yards to when I was young. Toys left out from the siren call of dinner, Impeccable hedges and flowerbeds to brag about to anyone stupid enough to stop and listen, carefully maintained lies to tell the world everything is perfect. It’s not until you get to see inside, where you see the silence as children eat quietly since that’s their place, the same smalltalk and expectations, same demands and arguments, same desperation and delusion. The scenery may change but the world stays the same when you can see between the lines.

I’m really starting to rile myself up when the car pulled up into a small single story at the end of a cul-de-sac. “Welcome to my home Sunset, come in and we’ll have you set up for your accommodations.”

Is there really any point in trying to argue. Petty rebellion is just going to cause problems I don’t want to deal with at this stage. “...right, yea.” The night air isn’t as cold as I wasn expecting with how dark it was, the yard I was walking through was very plain, no flowers, just a neatly trimmed lawn and a pathway next to the driveway. I follow Luna up to the front waiting as she unlocks the door and turns on the lights. They seem to be low illumination bulbs, same as the ones in her office at school.

“You prefer the dark?” Her home is warm, very dark though, deep colours and almost burnt coloured timber. I honestly like it, she has good taste.

Her voice calls down from the end of the hall “I’m photophobic, thought you knew after all the times you came into my office. Need the lower light to prevent hurting my eyes. You mind coming down this way to help me get your sheets sorted?”

Huh, learn something new everyday. Following her voice I see her reaching up the top of a linen closet, a small pile of sheets already dropped beside her.

“Grab those if you don’t mind, end of the hall second door to your left.” As soon as I grab the sheets I can tell from how they feel that they’re leagues above anything I’ve ever used so far in this world. I was tempted to rub them against my face walking towards the specified room. Opening the door I couldn’t bring myself to step in, it’s luxury. A full sized single bed, wardrobe, nightstand with a lamp, shuttered windows, a lock?!

“Ho~ly shit” this is way more than we deserve, even if she’s baiting us to keep an eye on us I’d jump into this trap head first.

“Please watch your language, I realise we aren’t in school but I would much prefer a cleaner vocabulary whilst in my home.” My back stiffens pretty damn quickly, when the hell did she get behind me?! Must have been more out of it if I didn’t hear her shoes over a timber floor.

“Right, sorry. It’s just… I wasn’t expecting something as nice as this right off the bat.” I move out of the way still looking over everything that’s being provided, the writing desk in the corner took up half the wall and was already packed with all the stationary needed for whatever I could possibly consider a need for.

“If basic amenities are more than you are used to then it makes me feel worse that I was never able to tell the situation you were forcing yourself through.” she’s sitting on the bed, arms resting on her knees, I never pictured her face looking like she did though. “That has been my second big mistake against your character, which I feel I need to make up for, regardless of how you may feel about it.” I recognise the deep exhale from doing it myself so many times over the last few weeks, regret and self depreciation. “I’ll leave you to set up the room as you like. We’ll be getting up early tomorrow so we can talk in my office, afterwards you’ll get your things back. The bathroom and shower are down the other side of the hall and the kitchen is back near the entrance. Goodnight Sunset, I’ll see you in the morning.”

As she closes the door behind her I just fall on my arse, missed the bed but I barely notice. That wasn’t an act, she honestly just wants to help, she feels bad for me. ME!? How? Why? What!? I don’t get it. I used her, lied to her, hurt her, hurt her sister, hurt her students.

“This isn’t how people act.” It’s not how we act, other people though, good people like Luna. Seems like they act like that no problem. Maybe it’s just like we already knew, we’re not good people. “Maybe not now, but I know I needed to change, here’s a good chance to start. I’ll apologise in the morning, I need to finish what I promised.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I felt my shoulders shake slowly and rhythmically, “***set, what are you doing on the floor?” Waking up to the dark surprised me for a second before I remembered the lights in her house.

“I’m up, I’m up. Wha-” couldn’t stop the body shaking yawn at this time of the morning, I think? “Sorry, what time is it.” Looking up at Luna she’s looking at me with a concerned look on her face.

“Why are you sleeping on the floor, the bed as well as the sheets and pillows were given to you for a reason.”

“I didn’t deserve them yet.” She’s about to respond but I have to get this out first, I have to. “I know you feel like you needed to give them to me, but I don’t feel like I deserved them yet. I hurt you as well as everyone else, I destroyed your trust in me, used you like you were nothing, and after you go out of your way to apologise, to welcome me into your home and give me more than I’ve ever been given without strings attached. I broke your trust again by immediately thinking you were doing it for ulterior motives. I didn’t want to abuse what you gave without apologising first, I couldn’t” Impressive you were able to get through that without blubbering like a foal. First time for everything I suppose.

I can’t bring myself to look at her after saying that, the quiet starts to hurt until I hear her sigh. “Well that makes us both fools I suppose. Come, I’ll get us some breakfast, then you can have the first shower and we’ll be off. Just… never mind, we’ll talk about it in my office soon.”

Following her out I smell heaven itself. Coffee, the look on my face must be obvious as we turn into the kitchen since one of the mugs is slid right under my nose. “Anything you think you owe me up until this point is forgiven a hundred fold for this gift.” Ham it up more you dumb bitch.

“Snrk, good to know you’re as easy to control as my sister. She can’t survive without a morning coffee either, no idea why we morning people are diminishing so rapidly. C’est La Vie I suppose. By the way there is also toast and eggs if your morning meal could use some actual sustenance.”

I’ve already drained half the mug, waiting for caffeine to kick in and work it’s magic, or make me run to the bathroom. 50-50 odds with this miracle drink. “Thank you again, I’ll --”

“Finish breakfast, shower then we’ll talk, I promise but I honestly don’t want to waste time admiring my furniture when we could be doing something more productive.”

At the word shower I take a whiff under my shirt and decide the smell of coffee is much more desirable. “You just think I stink.” Well you do. Luna just holds up a hand with her finger and thumb an inch apart. “You’re lucky you make good coffee.” Eggs and toast are leagues better than any of the cold sandwiches I’ve been making let alone what they serve at school, AJ’s grandmother may be a brilliant cook but when foods been sitting in a warmer for hours to make sure it’s ready and enough for hundreds of students based on the Department of Education allocated budget for student dietary needs, yea it’s somewhat… lacking.

“Shower is down the hall to the right, towels are in the chest inside. Should be plenty of hot water left.” She’s already grabbed my mug and plate towards the dishwasher.

Heading towards the bathroom I get a little giddy, a hot shower. How long has it been since I’ve had more than the lukewarm showers that the school change room has. A chance to get proper water pressure and not have someone yelling at me to hurry up if I'm there for more than a few minutes.

Walking in it’s already beyond my hopes, a waterfall faucet is singing to me, promising me a time I’ll never forget. That I’ll never forget the time we’ll spend together.

It wasn’t lying.

Cleaner, warmer and looking at the coming day with a mood I haven’t felt in… an amount of time I honestly can’t even remember. “Are you ready to go Sunset? If we leave now we should have at least an hour before the first student arrives to organise everything.”

Oh yea, still a whole dumpster full of issues to sort out. Still not going to let that damper the best mood I’ve had. “I’m ready to go, want me to help get anything out to the car for you?”

“I appreciate the offer but I rarely bring work home with me. Makes it easier to relax at home.” Don’t say anything snarky here, if you spoil this for us after that shower I will find a way to shut down your motor functions by pure will.

“She says the morning after she brings a homeless deviant of a student home to feed, bathe and shelter.” I am going to find the worst possible ad jingle and play it nonstop while you try and sleep tonight, off key as well. Worth it.

“Yes she does, as far as I can tell you’re toilet trained and putting on an extra plate of food isn’t the most labour intensive task I’ve had to suffer through.” Holy shit she got me there. Luna 2 - Sunset - 0.

“Alright you got me there, do you mind if we swing by where I was though? Kinda need to grab my books and things I have stashed there.” meaning my two other sets of clothing.

“I’d prefer if we didn’t, any school work or textbooks are easily replaced and from what you were saying last night in the car outside of your phone and diary you didn’t really have many personal effects.” nice way to rub it in, bleh.

“Kinda need a change of clothes though, not exactly gonna be able to wear the same set of underwear until I get a job and cash to buy new sets.” Nor is there any way in hell I’d let myself go through that, took weeks to get used to wearing clothes in the first place.

“I have some old clothing of mine that I’ve been procrastinating in sending through to goodwill, have a look through that tonight, as for underwear, I’ll lend you some money to pay back when you get a job. Probably better than what you’ve been stuck having to hand wash I’m sure” Still don’t get why she’s being so nice to a monster like you, the coming conversation is going to be very enlightening. “Anyway, we’ve wasted enough time here. Let’s go.”

The first step outside treats me to the realisation that it’s near total darkness, cold enough to make me wish I had a fur coat again and quieter that Celestias’ bedroom on Hearts and Hooves as though yours has been any louder. “Holy Shhugar it’s cold, why the hell are we leaving before the sun’s even up?”

She’s already getting into the car, heaters do sound like the best gift a girl can get now so the quick sprint to prevent my nipples turning into glass cutters cut off my mental tirade at realising it was stupid early o’clock.

“Thank you for taking my request at language seriously, as for why there are three reasons. One, early morning light hurts my eyes when driving even if I wear sunglasses so I avoid it. Two, it gives me a chance to get ahead of my paperwork so I can deal with unexpected issues that crop up throughout the day. Three, I enjoy the calm and quiet drive without traffic.”

Fair point on all three, still cold though. The trip is the fastest I’ve ever had to school, that may have to do with being in a motorised vehicle and not being outside the residential section of town dumb bitch, early morning radio missing the regular DJ interruptions makes it so much better as well. I find myself starting the day in the best mood I’ve had for a long, long time. That’ll change, you always manage to screw something up, it’s the only thing you’re good at.

Driving past the front of the school the outlines of police tape over the new crater where the portal mirror used to stand stood out even in the dark. The good mood worked up in me dropped straight into the pit of my stomach plenty of space for it to hide down there as well, just in case we’re keeping score. Called it. Getting back out into the cold after Luna parked barely registered, looking over at the new hole sitting at the front of the school, smaller than the original but covered in broken glass, smashed concrete, and pieces of steel framing littered the area.

Hearing Luna call out drags my attention away from the destruction of last night. “Come on Sunset, let’s get you out of the cold and we can organise ourselves.”

Organising a new set of punishments, for a place where I’m trapped, with people who hate me. Just like before, always the same. “Right,coming.” even when something changes, everything else stays the same.

Following Luna through the school corridor, she doesn’t bother with any of the lights. Getting to her office finally graces us with a low light lamp from her desk, a desk inbox already full of paper clicks in why her decision is such a good one. Must be why she always seem to be able to go home with the student body instead of being forced to stay back like her sister.

“Alright Sunset, let us get everything organised hm. Please, take a seat.” Still get the feeling of being in an old Noire style story when I’m in her office the way she has the lights set. “Now if we both end up going over how we feel about this situation we’ll likely be here till the end of the day going back and forth, so in respect to both of our time and sanity I would like to lay out everything on the table, afterwards I’d be more than happy to hear what you have to offer. Do you agree?”

Nodding is all I really feel capable of doing right now anyway, so it kind of helps me out in this situation. “Excellent, now in light of your previous living situation my guest room is open for as long as you need it, from your reaction this morning you seem to be under the false impression that you need to earn it.” Oooh there’s the glare, good thing you don’t feel guilty for it to work, oh wait, you do. Well that sucks don’t it.

“You need to disabuse yourself of that thought.” wat? “Last night a young girl put herself into hospital after she fainted from shock, this same girl only weeks prior made decisions that have alienated her from the school body yet continues to work to right the outcome of those decisions when she instead had the option to leave instead.” This dumb bitch is trying to make you seem noble, way off the mark here lady.

“You may disagree” Yep/Yep “however, what I said last night still stands. You are my student, I should have seen what your situation was and helped well before it reached the point it did. I also advised that I would help in regards to what you said about a lack of funds.” a small business card ends up under my nose. Canterlot Mall Sushi wow so much effort went into that name.

“A friend of mine manages that store, if you give her a call after school this afternoon she’ll be willing to put you on part time. I sent her an email last night so she’ll be expecting you, ask for Honey Eyes.” The tally for what I owe this woman is building faster than I’m ever going to be able to pay back at this point. “I’ll have a letter of student identification ready for you at the end of the day so you can organise to open an account as well.” First step in having legal documents proving I’m a real person as well. Which means you’re getting her to lie for you on record.

“Wait a sec.” I hate it when my brain makes good points against me. You mean whenever I talk about you? “That’s a legal record confirming who I am signed off in your name, if anything came out proving I’m not who I say I am, you’d be first in the firing line as to why this happened”

“Well then I suppose that just means you’ll have to be extra careful not to out yourself as anyone other than who you are.” What trust she has in your character, it’s really gonna suck for her when you screw her over. Her smile actually hurts at this point. “Now you did point out this morning that you needed replacement undergarments, of which we will both agree second hand is not an option.” Ew, no. “From your face we are in agreeance here. Make do with this and you can pay me back when you get your first cheque.” Two hundred dollars is sitting in front of me. Two. Hundred.

I could get enough to last me a week without wearing the same piece twice and I sure as hell ain’t gonna be flashing them around so people can tell. “Nope, don’t need that much.” I do take the first few notes. Scab. “This much is way more than sufficient and you’ll have this back with interest once I’ve got cash flow.”

“I am not charging you interest Sunset, this isn’t a loan to earn me a profit.”

“You’re not charging me interest.” That smile gets a little brighter. “I’m paying it of my own volition, I refuse to take goodwill for granted, this is my incentive to get paid.” And there goes the smile, good work. Her jaw clicks a few times as she shifts it, didn’t think I’d get that reaction from organising repaying debts.

“Fine, I won’t argue against that as much as I disagree with it” small victories I guess. “Whatever you have left over can be used to replace any other incidentals you may need.” Leaning back, I can’t help breathing deeply. A place to stay, replacement clothing, cooked food, a bed, a potential job, and paper trail to set myself up in the future. So much happening in two days. All it took was the way home to be blown up along with mr crispy. I’m going to jab my brain with a Q-Tip to shut you up for five minutes of happiness. Told you I’d get you back for the crack risking our coffee.

“As interesting as the ceiling is, there is still one big issue we need to discuss.” Snapping my attention back the smile and good humour is gone in its entirety, Vice principal Luna has come to the party. “Originally your punishment was to assist under the supervision of Solid Foundation the repair of the entrance to the school after events at the Fall Formal, due to additional damages outside our control this punishment is no longer an option.” Well, the good news is I won't have to lug any more bags of mulch or fertilizer. “As such you will instead by put under my supervision as an event coordinator for any future school wide events until such a time as myself and the staff are in agreeance that you have been punished sufficiently. This means the more effort you put in rather than just showing up will end this requirement faster.”

O-k. This is both better than I expected and worse than anything I could possibly imagine. *Sniff* it’s beautiful. “Alright as much as I have no excuse nor reason to decline, you do realise that as soon as the student body knows that I’m involved in the setup of these events they’ll just avoid them.”

“A potential risk yes, some won’t be optional events so the students won’t have a choice.” Fair nuff. “As for the other events, we are hoping the compromise that as an event coordinator you won’t be able to compete in these events will be an additional draw since the students will just be competing with the outcome of your hard work, not necessarily working with you.” Ouch my feelings. “One example being a music stage show we were going to have set up in the coming weeks, one where students create bands and their own music to allow friendly competition as well as building upon teamwork and creative thinking.”

I actually feel my face drop at that, it would have been awesome fun. Would be more fun seeing you try and join an existing group. Head meet desk, we hope you enjoy your time together while I consider the best begging face I can use to tempt the gods of this world to doing something to allow me access. The face you had climbing out of the crater when Twilight kicked your arse would be a good starting point, mind this was how effective it was, such a long way to go from there… Well fuck.

“Good to know how much this punishment will affect you, we’ll talk more on the finer details when the events themselves get closer but for now, in the event that a new student is brought into, you’ll be asked to show them around and help get their bearings.”

Easy way to try and force new students into getting to know me before the rest of the student body can start talking. Is always better to see how bad you are up from rather than with second hand info. “Trying to get me a few friends in the process as well?”

Her face isn’t flinching, I’m guessing yes. “That’s up to you, I won’t hold your hand and tell you to play with the other kids but I won’t say it’s not a bad idea either.” Someone has high hopes, it’s precious.

Not going to argue, from everything that could have happened I’m getting off light and she knows it, plus I’m getting all the benefits of her help so that’s massively tilted in my favour. “I guess that means everything is settled then, I’ll leave you to work and might stop by the music rooms to see what we have to play with for starters”

As soon as my hand hits the back of the chair to get me on my feet I hear Luna clear her throat “You’re forgetting something Miss Shimmer.” Oh boy, what else is coming my way? Watching her reach into the desk, my diary and phone come into view and end up two feet away from me. “Don’t forget your things, you can borrow my charger at home until you get a new one.” She leans forward and whispers “Don’t force me to confiscate it again hmm.”

I don’t say anything, just grab my things and walk out. Wandering down the hall my mood drops slowly as I walk, the extra responsibilities aren’t a problem could actually be fun since people aren’t talking to me anyway. The tour guide is a smart move from Luna, can’t complain since it won’t happen often and when it does it’ll just get me out of class. Getting my phone back is nothing but a benefit, especially if I’ll be starting a new job and need to be able to contact my boss.

The last thing I got though, my book. The enchantment on it causes the cover symbol to glow slightly if there's a new message. It was one of the things I created under her that I was most proud of. The fact that the book has no new messages after two weeks here, The equivalence of more than a month back in Equestria from a rough guesstimate tells me one of two things happened. Either once the mirror broke the enchantment lost its connection to the magic field and dissipated, or Twilight hasn’t bothered to check on me once in the month since she went back home. Which would also mean in the few days her time that the mirror has been down she hasn’t bothered to notice. Both options scare me, I need to look at the book but I don’t want to

They abandoned you again

If the magic is gone it means that reconnecting to this world will be up to luck since the connection would no longer be accessible

She never cared, She just wanted to get the element back and leave you here to rot.

Even if it was possible, the chances of being able to connect anywhere near the same location would be greater than finding a needle in a stack of identical needles

Celestia forgot you, left you, told Twilight to do the same. They never wanted anything to do with you, simply a means to an end.

I sit against the storerooms uniform chest, if the book lost its connection it will still have the old messages. As soon as I open the book my chest seizes. Fucking cunts they never fucking cared they left me here to rot with the promise of redemption that they never expected to happen, a smile on the face with a knife to the back.

I hate them all.

My thoughts are racing, my blood boiling, my teeth grinding, my face leaking. I’m sad, and angry, and hate, and love, I’m hurt, and numb, and calm, and frantic.

Before I can get control of what’s happening in my thoughts I grab the book and one of the pens sitting around, my hand scribbles across the first available page before I fling the damnable thing to the other side of the room. I won’t be getting anything constructive done here while I’m like this. Luna is counting on me to do a good job.

Closing the door I decide I might as well get my textbooks from my locker and see the stationary office to grab a few cheap notebooks to tide me over for a while.

Chapter 4 - Building from Nothing

Chapter 4

Building from Nothing

Waiting was a mistake. I should have gone to do something, gone to keep myself busy enough to not think. Thinking isn’t really helping me right now it is what you need to do though. I was never good at waiting in the first place, always had to be doing something scheming something, raising the bar of accomplishments to show the world what I was capable of and how much better you thought you were. I need to get back into doing, anything is better than being left thinking like now.

Getting comfortable on school flooring is never an easy task, with a mind full of ideas and plans to enact push it out of my head or at least to the side to surprise you with later.

First, take stock of the raw materials the art and woodworking department has access to so I can make sure there won’t be any shortages of materials for the stage and props. Paint and ply will be a big thing for most groups but some may be looking at fabric or rope as well so keeping a clean inventory will cut down on potential problems massively.

Second, check with Luna or Celestia details like budget, team sizes, brackets, venue, allowable material, rules etc. Getting a baseline over what I need to keep an eye on and where I need to step in or help out will keep things smoothish.

Third, long shot but see if any of the student body would be willing to help out with stage crew work. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Thank you brain very helpful.

Small notes so far but at least this will keep me organised for a while. Add the work I might be getting if Lunas friend is willing to put me on that’ll get both the days and evenings sorted for a good long while. Won’t stop me chipping in everytime you fuck up though.

The stuttering buzz of the stationery office light coming to life pulled me out of my own head long enough to find my bearings. It might only be small steps, but I have a plan, and once Sunset Shimmer has a plan the world can get the fuck outta my way cause I’ll be damned if I let this chance get away.

Especially since the last chance fucked you raw from hope and promise. Lovely image there, thank you.

New books, bags and pens in hand, I feel like the bad mood from earlier was starting to lift. Making my way towards the art department, I actually felt a smile tugging at the corners of my lips. If that’s a smile then I would recommend not doing it in front of children, they at least are innocent… mostly. I’ll cop that one, not gonna stop myself that easily though Bitch I’m just getting warmed up. Oh gods my mind is turning into a C rate villain.

Gotta focus though, plenty to do now and the more I throw myself into this, the less I’ll think about everything else. The arts department storeroom has never been known to be the most organised place, quite the opposite most would agree. Stepping into the smell of paint and lacquer, the sight of piles of ply and pine, and the feeling of hours and hours of cataloguing, cross referencing and spread sheeting fills me with a cross of satisfaction and complete and utter dread for how my hair is going to look at the end of it all, as well as my hygiene from how I’ll smell after this much labour good thing your reputation already tanked then.

Plugging my phone into charge and setting a 15 minute alarm before first class starts I start to clear a small section of the floor to move everything over a bit at a time. Ply and larger items first since they’ll be easier to make space for originally and also more important to budget for as a starting point. Sheets start to move, notes start to accumulate and the empty pile I started with fills up quickly. My arms start to burn a little and my fingers go a little stiff from the constant writing but I love it. I always felt better taking the lead in a project, even one meant as a punishment it seems.

I’m really picking up steam when the alarm I hear the cacophonous racket of my phone alarm echo in the empty space where it sits. Walking over and flicking off the alarm I can hear the sounds of other people milling about in the background. “Holy shit I was in zone there.” Sweaty and dishevelled I feel great, packing the notes up and putting them into my bag I double check that I’ve marked the area off so that teachers won’t grab supplies from this pile.

Kicking the door closed, My face meets it a second later with the intimacy of an abusive spouse. Arm locked behind me, I feel blood running over my lips. This is why you shouldn’t start feeling happy. The universe has to work to correct that kind of shit real quick. If my short term memory works after blunt force trauma and potential concussion I’ll make sure to remember that one.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing in there bitch?” ooooooh, fuck me. “Messing with our art supplies, already seen the front entrance. Blowing it up the first time wasn’t enough, so you do that then come right back here to setup preparing for the next big scheme. Think I’d fucking let you do that?” paranoia much?

“Didn’t do anything to the front Rainbow, Both Celestia and Luna can vouch for me there, I’m here cause Luna changed my punishment.” now please let go of my arm, I really don’t think it’s supposed to twist that way.

“Bullshit” or put more pressure OK, owowowow. “I’m not letting you do anything else to Fluttershy after the last time. She needs that ply in there for one of her whatsies at the animal shelter. You are going to open that door so I can see what you’ve done before you get the chance to run.” Oh goodie, late as well as bleeding. Didn’t think that was due till next week.

“Fucking whatever.” good mood gone, patience out the window, white top most likely conspicuously covered in red stains now. “I’ll open the door, you’ll see nothing has changed other than me making a pile to confirm what’s here and what isn’t, you’ll yell and probably insult me more and then we can both get on with our fucking day. Happy?” wait for snarky response.

“Unless you disappear somewhere in that situation, no.” There it is, at least I have my arm back. “C’mon then bitch open up the door.” no need to tell me twice, sooner we’re done, the sooner I can leave your paranoid cunt arse behind.

As soon as the door opens I almost lose my footing catching a kick to the small of my back, admittedly though it does get me into the room quickly. Rainbow bitch follows quick enough to see my less than graceful recovery.

“So where is it?” She has nothing on Luna for the scary glare

“Right here, that’s the pile I made for what I’ve been able to check off and mark numbers for.”

“No! Where is the stuff you’re hiding, the shit not out in the open” how big do you think this room is dumbass?

“The flesh eating bacteria is hidden in with the paint, the sharks with lasers have been trained as ninja so I dunno where they’re hiding, and the nuclear warheads got delayed by customs but should be here next week hopefully.” hope I got the sarcasm through, never know with Rainbow.

A low growl, thumping footsteps and the feeling of my solar plexus curl into itself from her rebuttal. I think she got the sarcasm. “Fuck you bitch. Don’t think you can hide for long, I’ll be watching and just waiting for you to fuck up again. *Pfft*” Between attempts at getting air to make the trip into my lungs I feel her liquid hate hit me square in the back of my head. I can’t even raise my head from the ground when I feel a solid impact hit right under where I’m clutching my midsection. My stomach turns and everything Luna gave me this morning makes the return trip to the carpet along with my own contribution of bile. The door closes as I struggle to keep my face from falling into my own vomit. Those eggs don’t taste as good the second time do they.

My stomach stops churning, the pain fades slightly, the smell continues to burn. I push myself back onto my feet though. Sifting through the piles of rags I pick out a small strip to clean up my mess You’ve yet to succeed in cleaning up a single mess you’ve made so far, small steps though since this one’s easy.

Chunks of eggs and pieces of bread are easy enough to clean, getting the smell out isn’t possible but cracking open the door is the best I can do there. The soiled rag goes as I start back towards class, detention is a sure thing after how long I spent just trying to get myself back on my feet. My appearance isn’t going to help in that regard either, nothing to be done but face it though.

Making my through the hall, there isn’t any sound. The lack of students, lack of teachers, lack of life around me. I hate it, I hate that whenever I get close though it hurts even more. The quiet turns to static and the walls bleed away as I just keep moving forward, forward, forward. Always gotta keep moving forward. I can’t though, my feet can’t keep moving and the static is getting louder.

“---set, look at me!” Oh that’s why. “What happened to you? Why’s there blood? Look at me Sunset!” I don’t want to look though, I’m late for class and I don’t want to think about it anymore. Just need to keep pushing forward. The pressure get tighter and wraps around my arms. “Just stop. Come on. into my office now.” That’s not the way to class though, it is moving forward, maybe a compromise is good enough.

Moving forward again, the walls start to come back into focus, the light dies down and the static ends until I can see and hear Luna walking me into her office Didn’t take long to end up back in here did it. Almost a mirror repetition of this morning, only with me having a bloody nose, spit in my hair, and the taste of bile in my mouth.

“Okay Sunset, please tell me what happened.” Not the serious face but a worried one, I can’t drag her into this though.

“Had a disagreement with someone, as far as a report has to go though, I tripped in the dark and couldn’t catch myself before I hit the door, Got dizzy after I fell and lost my breakfast after that.” Oh if looks could kill I think you’d be making her a murderer.

“As far as the report is concerned you’ll be telling me who you had a ‘disagreement’ with and they’ll be enjoying a suspension for assaulting a student” please don’t make this worse. The already hate me enough and I can deal with it until it all blows over. Can’t have people thinking you’re on my side since they’ll just make you a target at that point as well.

“I can’t.”

“You mean you won't.”

“Same thing in this instance.”

“No it’s not, you’re protecting the person that attacked you on school grounds. This falls under me and I won’t have anyone getting away with that kind of behaviour.”

“I’m not protecting them, that much I swear. I’m sorry but I can’t tell you who it was.”

Look at how disappointed and angry she is at you, congrats you did it. Take a deep breathe Shimmer and make this convincing. “It was a small disagreement where we both got narky with each other, a suspension isn’t necessary and this kind of thing shouldn’t happen again.”

“That is my decision to make” Failed spectacularly in the convincing “I am not asking miss Shimmer, am I expressing a demand for you to give me the name of the student that committed assault on school grounds.” Tell her to go fuck herself. Why? Cause I’ll find it funny. “I am not allowing you out of this room until I know what happened Sunset.” Good thing these chairs are comfortable then.

Okay, let’s try a little more truth while avoiding a name that might go over a little better. “I was in the storeroom making an inventory of what’s in there that could be useful later on when those events take place, when I was locking up someone came up and thought I was up to something, had me open the door and look around. I made a few sarcastic jabs, they didn’t appreciate my sense of humour and there was an altercation where I didn’t come out on top.” No lies, no misinformation, downplaying a little bit but still.

“Still missing a name Sunset.” dammit. Strike two.

I can’t. I can’t have her become a target. She can’t punish a student for something that happened to me. How can I get her to back down? howhowhOwHoWhowhow! I don’t know what to do. She’s still staring at you, disappointed in you. Judging you. Stop it! Stop making me go back to putting others in bad positions for my own benefit. Stop making me use you!

“Sunset! Calm down, I’m not going to get you in trouble-”

“I don’t care about me! I care about what’ll happen to you! Every student out there hates me, if they think you’re on my side by punishing someone for doing something to me they’ll turn on you.”

Well good news the anger is gone, don’t think we’ve seen dumbstruck Luna though. Shut up. No, I think I’m quite content pointing out your most recent fuck up.

I don’t like how it’s gone quiet. I want to look up and apologise, for snapping at her, for spitting on her authority, for making her job harder, for existing as nothing but a burden and strain. I just, I can’t see another person that had hopes for me look at me with disappointment and anger. I finally found someone willing to trust me again, don’t make me lose that so soon after gaining it again.

“...Well then, that is a little different to what I was expecting.” Must not have expected much. “As nice as it is that you worry about my reputation among the students, that is my concern and one that is generally irrelevant, my job is to enforce the rules and keep order. If the students don’t like the fact that I do this even to students they dislike then that is their problem.” I don’t want that to become a problem in the first place though, I just want to fade into the background and let everything keep moving on. “So in the interest of a compromise what will happen is this.” By the smile on her face this is going to be fun. “I will be calling an emergency assembly to make note of the schools rules in relation to attacking other students and the heavy punishments they incur.” That’ll piss off everyone, wonder who they’re going to blame for that? Oh, fuck me. “I will also be stressing that failure to identify those that break these rules in a misguided attempt at camaraderie will also face punishment that may be severe enough to lead to suspension.” Ha! Sneaky bitch. She should not be smiling, Celestia warned me that there would not be any further warnings, that the next breach would be a foot to the arse on my way out the door. “Lucky for you this rule is coming into effect after the fact, so whilst I am going to sign a slip excusing you from classes for the next few days, it will not be through means of suspension.” Oh thank fuck for that, Luna I could kiss you.

“Won’t some of the other teachers be unhappy with that little factoid when it comes up?” Why the fuck did I just say that!Cause you’re an idiot. Duh.

“Good thing I am the one responsible for determining punishments, if the other teachers don’t like it. Tough.” Now I remember why she’s my favourite, bitch always took shit from no one.

“So then what am I supposed to do for the next week?”

“Well I recommend taking a shower to clean yourself up a bit, PE locker rooms do not have a class at the moment so feel free.” You do smell like shame and spit after how badly you let Rainbow kick your ass. “Then I would head into the mall with your exemption pass to get some new clothing and speak to Swift before they get the lunch rush done.” ...that does sound like it would be the best use of my time taking half a second to consider it. Or in your case being told since you aren’t smart enough to consider that option.

Considerations aside this is still going to cause waves, I’ll need to make sure that no one sees me inside school hours that can report back that it isn’t as though I’m not being punished. Luna might not see it as a problem worth considering but after how far she’s going to help me out. Undeservedly. I’m going to go out of my way to ensure it doesn’t come back to her at all, I’ll pay her back, ensure all these upcoming events run smoothly as possible and be a goddamn motherfucking model student. She says whilst cursing and refusing to name a troublemaker that assaulted a student (who totally deserved that ass-kicking). Fuck off brain I’m motivating myself to being better. Give it five minutes and we’ll see you fail like always.

Mental pessimism aside, Luna gave me that little golden ticket of freedom leading me to a beeline for the showers. They ain’t fancy, barely warm and pressure is better in most garden taps but it did clean me up a bit. At least until the shirt goes on, bleh. Back to being semi-presentable left the decision for best school exit to use for getting to the mall. Front entrance would be idiotic since I’d be in full view of half the school classrooms, back entrance is where most truants use so equally bad idea. The sports pitch would be decent since there isn’t a PE class at the moment and it’s more of a walk to get anywhere so the teachers don’t keep an eye out as much, at least usually.

“Obvious decision is obvious. Time to get out there and get everything back on track… again.” Talking to yourself is the first sign of mental illness. Yes, but verbal motivation is generally more successful than internal, also you are a mental illness so go fuck yourself.

Knowing that there was no PE class was a double blessing since on top of getting the chance to clean off blood and whoever Dash sucked off that morning, it meant that the fields were completely empty. Makes it easy to walk out at least, pain that I gotta double back to get to where I’m going. You could always try and walk out the front entrance like a badass with a swagger. I could also continue to ignore you and get to where I’m going.

The streets are pretty empty considering it’s only just after 9:30, I mean yea rush hour is over but you’d think there would still be a few cars on the road. No complaining about good luck though, that normally invokes Murphy to full effect. Plus it means I can enjoy a quiet walk get my head space right for what I’m going to get to wear and how I’m going to present myself in front of Lunas friend. The friend that may have heard of what I did, as well as how I was manipulative, and a liar, and… oh fuck me. It’s amusing how you only just thought about this now.

“Ok, ok. Ok. Right, she may also not know. Luna wouldn’t recommend me now without telling her I’m worth hiring, she wouldn’t set me up to fail.” Unless she wants to see you suffer a little as recompense for all the shit you did. “Nope, nope. NOPE, nopenopenopenope. Even if she did, I just have to show that I’m still worth a chance. Spend a little more on one outfit to show how serious I’m taking this and cop everything she has to say on the chin and stay calm and certain. This will all work out, you’ve got this.” This is going to be fun.

Got to speed things up a bit here now since I need to really focus on getting everything right, I was just going to pop into the bargain bin for everything except my underwear but now, now I need to find something that’ll cost more than spare change. Just means I’ll be pissing off Rarity by wearing the same things multiple times a week, small sacrifices though. Plus the fact she couldn’t think any less of you.

Making my way through the lower floors of the complex until I reach a directory I considered my options. Don’t have enough for the big guns, they’d make me look overachieving anyway. Don’t want anything low in quality since I want to be able to use it again at some point. No jeans and shirt combo since that just screams ‘I don’t want to look serious about this’. Skirt and blouse combo may be the best bet for me.

“Target it is” might as well see if they’ve got any specials going and grab everything at once. Might be able to not put myself in more debt than necessary. Doubling check where I’m going, and away we go. The mall has a few parents with young kids and elderly tottering about but the lack of younger generations makes me feel like I’m sticking out like a vegan at thanksgiving dinner. Doesn’t mean much though since I’m technically not skipping with Lunas pass, it’s just the thought of trouble at this point wearing me down.

Slipping into the store, grabbing a basket since clothing is awkward enough without having to try and keep it all contained. Especially with the sizes you have to look at. Looking over the floor I see mannequins wearing skinny jeans and skirts, “Unless they’ve become much more aggressive in expanding target markets I think we’re good to go.”

Casual, casual, pajama pants, yoga, trashy teen, belts masquerading as skirts, bras identifying as shirts, handkerchief with strings, ah business attire here we go. Crap, crap, horrible colour, oh this one looks nnn-not with that price, eh, hello there.

Half price, black business casual with white accents and zip up pockets. Bingo baby we’ve got ourselves something to work with. Might be a little tight and even miracles can’t make you look worth anything. Nope this thing was made for me and fuck you for even putting a thought otherwise, gunna find a few other pieces and maybe some pajamas, then I’m walking out of here in style.

Catching myself humming a commercial jingle as I’m checking out knocks my thoughts out as I dump the notes through the self serve checkout. Only twenty five dollars left after the great clothing splurge, should be plenty for a toothbrush and other necessities. Big thing now is changing into my serious business and getting over to Swift’s shop ASAP.

Checking the store map again and find myself in for a big benefit, the shop isn’t located in the food court, it’s on the other side closer to the more mundane home ware stores and the like. Might be trying to keep the younger crowd out by putting it where the more adult generations tend to need to go, again not going to take a bit of luck for granted. You need all you can get since you’ve got nothing else going for you.

Hurrying out that direction and checking my phone to confirm the time, I’ve only wasted half an hour getting clothing sorted. Benefits of not being picky I suppose. The shops are starting to get a few more people walking in and out but still plenty empty enough to not be any kind of busy, I speed up a bit to swing into the bathroom to get dressed before that changes.

First step in here and I’m regretting this decision, either the last occupant had a three course Taco Bell breakfast or the cleaning staff suck at their jobs. Seeing the state of the cubicles I’m heavily leaning towards the latter. Women sit on the fucking seat, how the fuck did this bitch spread it all over the seat?! Nope no time to consider this shit just change quickly then get out before I puke. Good thing I had deodorant in my locker.

Urgh, I didn’t even touch anything yet I still feel dirty after that, I wonder how bad the toilets near the main food thoroughfare are if this is the quiet one. Actually, no. Fuck it, focus on the big thing. Swift is right around the corner and we’re making a good first impression. Beyond the bad one Luna has probably already given her. Shut it you.

The shop itself looks really plain. Can actually see why Luna likes it, she never seems to be one for pomp and splendour. Add the fact they seem to use low lighting it more than likely is one of the few places she doesn’t need shades without it being one of those romantic mood lighting joints. Interesting, wonder if those thoughts are getting you employed faster. “...” ok fuck you for being right but thank you for pointing out that I’m standing and staring at a restaurant. First step is always the hardest so let’s rip that band aid off now shall we. You control your own feet dumbass, I’m just looking forward to seeing you fail again, so get to it.

No bell, chime, or other notice of entry goes off when I open up the door but I still hear a clear voice ring out as soon as I make it three steps. “Sorry we’re not open for another half an hour.” I don’t wanna do this anymore, just walk out and pretend it never happened. I can just apply for the grocery store instead. Without reference or any legal documentation other than Lunas school records. Good to see you are willing to fail without any attempt, just like I knew you would. Goddamn it

“Um… Sorry I’m not here for the food. I-My name is Sunset, I think Luna said she was going to let you know I was coming?” Yay, my voice only kinda shook a bit there, so fuck you brain I was able to say it. Goodie for you, one question though. Why hasn’t she answered back? Oh shit, she did have a bad impression before meeting. “I-I know I’m here a bit early, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t a-annoying you through lunch or dinner rush. I’m r-really sorry if I have.”

The swing door to the kitchen slams open and I feel myself jump, I meet eyes with a woman as tall as I am. Her eyes slam into mine and I instinctively try to shrink a little further back. “Stay where you are! If you’re looking for a job last thing you should be doing is backing away from the person deciding if your worth their time little girl.” oh yea, definitely not starting with a good impression. Gotta push forward and try though, so Shimmer, square your back, offer a hand, and speak with a little more confidence. So lie out your arse, you’ve been doing that for long enough that it should be easy.

“Sorry about that, you took me by surprise coming out, My name’s Sunset. It’s nice to meet you.” and cue hand and smile and we have made a successful introduction without cowering and pissing ourselves. As though it’s something to be proud of.

Her eyes keep at mine and she makes no motion to accept my hand. “Uh-huh, got that when Luna called me last night. So you’re the little shit that’s trying to make good after making her life hell? I’ll admit you do have a spine to come in and ask anyone close to Luna favours after what you did. No brains, but a spine at least.”

This is better than I hoped. I like her. Of course you do.

Alright, with how forward she is no matter of talk around is going to do anything but piss her off. So straight up and as honest as I can be. Worked to get me here from Luna before “I am, Luna and I spoke last night after an incident at school. I know anything she’s told you isn’t painting me in the best light and I’m not going to make excuses for that.” Her eyes softened a little bit so I’m taking that as a good start. “Luna lent me some money to get myself sorted, I need a job to get her paid back with interest ASAP. She gave me your name and I’m not going to let an opportunity to start making good on that promise slip me by. No matter how much I have to work to prove myself worth that chance.”

Ham it up more you melodramatic bitch. Fuck off for ten goddamn seconds so I can try and do something right. HA! You’d need longer than that to ever get something done right.

I keep my back straight and eyes locked with Swift, she doesn’t say anything or budge. I feel myself start to get nervous and want to shift but lock my legs until my calves cramp. “Fine, sit down over there.” She points to a table in the corner away from the main windows. “I’ll be back in a few moments and we’ll have a good and proper discussion. No promises. But I will give you a fair chance to make a case to me.” Oh thank the gods, it’s more than I expected at least. Bah. Still plenty of things you’ll say to ruin it. Just look at your track record so far. Different me, different results. This time will be better.

Swift lives up to her name swinging back through the doors shortly after I get myself settled. She’s got a few food trays, glasses, menus, and a notebook with pens. “Alright then kiddo, did Luna tell you anything about me before she sent you my way?”

“Only that you and your partner run this place and that it’s a Sushi restaurant.” At least I hope so, since it’s all I can remember.

“Hm, good on her I guess.” She’s glaring at me again, I swear her and Luna taught each other for how effective they are at it. “She and I have been friends for a long time, she comes here often enough to catch up and unwind with a friend. I trust her implicitly, but I also know she can be a kind hearted fool for anyone she sees as a student with a sob story, been used and abused a few times being to nice to rotten kids down on their luck.” Oh fuck me, I can already see what’s going to happen here. Is my life a fucking walking cliché. I feel my head drop. “Oi! Eyes up and look at me girly.”

Why bother. Exactly, why bother. Urgh. No! I won’t let you win this! Eyes back and show her how serious we are. Make it clear. We. Are not. Going to use her trust against her. “Luna placed her trust in me when no-one else would. I’m not going to waste that. I won’t let myself sit down and have the one person in my life right now think that I’m anything but what they expect of me and better.” My hands hit the table before I consider what I’m doing, I’m not thinking right now, I just can’t lose this because of idiots in her past. “Yes I’ve been fucked over in the past, and yes I’ve treated others like shit in turn. I’m not hiding that fact, I’m not saying it’s an excuse, and I’m not expecting you to trust me. Not right away at least, If after our talk you still feel you can’t trust me then that’s something I’ll live with as deserving of what I did. I will get a job though! I will pay Luna back and I’ll make up for what was done from me in the past. Not just her but everyone. I’m trying to focus on who I am now, I hope you’ll give me that chance at least.” My breath is coming out in short bursts from how I’ve riled myself up and I almost feel like I’m glaring at Swift, her look has softened quite a bit though.

She picks up three of the trays and tosses it at me. “Well then, let’s see if you’re worth anything then. Two trays between the hands and one in the crook of your arm, keep them straight and we’ll pop some plastic glasses on to see if you can walk without dropping them.” Considering how much I had to work to get walking in general sorted when I got here originally I’m confident in my ability to walk and keep balanced. “Manage that we’ll rattle off some orders and make sure you can keep it accurate.” Even easier considering the thaumatic equations I still have memorised. “Manage these two things and I’ll give you that one chance, mess it up and your out. Deal?”

I get the trays settled and stand up. “Just you watch, I’ll show you just why Luna gave me a chance, I’ll be the best employee you could hope for. I swear it.” The walk is easy, the orders are even easier still. By the end she has a small smile on her face.

“Okay so you’re not completely useless, pretty good memory at least which I can appreciate.” Yes! “So one big question remains.” Fuck! The smile drops quick and the glare returns “Why are you here now instead of in school?” Oh. duh, of course that’d raise trust questions with a student being here at this hour. Should have maybe asked Luna to call ahead to avoid this issue.

Fishing out the pass, I hand it over to her. “Luna gave this to me, she wanted to give me a few days to get everything sorted out after what happened. I thought this was my highest priority.” Because you’re an idiot.

Shaking the pass in front of her face lazily Swifts smile returned. “Alright then gir-Sunset. When do you want to start. Keep in mind, we may not be the busiest place here but I have high standards that I offer every person coming through those doors and I expect you to be able to keep up with them.”

No hesitating here. “You have a spare uniform out the back?”

“Get ready to work, I promise you’re going home sore tonight. Doors open in half an hour, which means we’re ready in twenty minutes, I’ll get your bank details tomorrow.”

I get up to follow her out the back, excited to start. This is the first major step, just watch it’s only going to get better from here. Keep those dreams in mind, I’ll be here to remind you when they fall to pieces.

Author's Note

This took a bit longer than I wanted, life can be a real bitch to your free time sometimes.

Already started on the next chapter so fingers crossed it won't be held up like this one was.

Chapter 5 - Far from Home

Chapter 5

Far from Home

I keep moving as the door closes behind me. The halls have a few people walking through, most of them being other patients wearing the same style of gown as my own. Makes this easier as long as I can hide the band pointing to my ward and find another pair of clothes before I try to go outside. Taking stock of the feelings permeating each direction I pick the direction leading to the lowest density and start walking.

The lack of peacekeepers and density of emotional turmoil is jarring, what are the EA units doing? People shouldn’t be feeling anxious or afraid in the hospital. Is this a new colony waiting for the first units to arrive? No, the buildings have aged and the area is way to thick with imprinting for this to be a short term situation.

It doesn’t change as I keep moving, some areas are more dense, passing the ICU is smothering. It’s all wrong, just wrong. I just need to pick up the pace and find something to help me blend in outside, the density is petering off fairly substantially as I continue. Feeling ahead all I can make out are what I assume to be the staff working around unresponsive patients, perfect place for what I need since these wards always have minimal staff due to less than needy individuals.

Don’t assume that less will make it easier, they’re more than likely more alert to things happening due to the quiet.

Can’t force a reaction out of the room inhabitants either with how they are, no emotional connection means a surge won’t make any difference.

Should not be needed if we just enter the first room, the desk is around the corner with a direct line of sight only if they’re looking up. Night shift workers always tend to be focused on getting things ready for the morning to make the next day easier rather than focusing on the little things.

Getting into the room proves my internal worries unfounded, the rooms are left open and the hall is dark enough to not throw shadows around. All four beds have occupants lying motionless and soundless aside from their breathing apparatus and support machines humming gently, the ones I see appear so primative, why use older machines on the most unstable patients? It doesn’t make sense, not my problem though. Taking time to look the inhabitants over, one bed has a middle aged man slightly shorter than myself.

He has no emotional connection at all, he isn’t there anymore. Why keep him alive at this point?

So many things aren’t right here, just another reason why we need to find and help her if this is the quality of care they decide to keep wasting resources on those who are only having their suffering continue.

Looking through the wardrobe next to his bed there are a few pairs of clothing inside, they smell fresh enough to assume either he was only recently brought in, or that his loved ones visit often enough to keep things intact. That makes this easier at least, changing quickly I find they also left a bag in the bottom draw. A few options to last me a couple of days at least. Everything loaded up I take a look over the still face of the man laying down on the bed, resource management aside this is only prolonging the suffering of his loved ones.

Leaving it like this goes against what we are, we want to help.

We were not made to take actions meant for the primary custodians.

We can either help as many as possible or admit that they were right in that we’ve become obsolete.

“I just want to help. I need to help. It’s what I was made for.” I flip the power of the monitor to prevent the alerts going off immediately, then pull the cord from his breathing apparatus. His face doesn’t change as I leave him there and walk out the door, I can’t help them all but I can help him. Just like I’m going to help her, then the one after until I’ve helped them all. “I’m not obsolete. I’m not.”

The hall outside the room is still quiet, the desk still has a few heads facing down in their own world, missing the flashing warning on the monitor behind them since the one in the room isn’t blaring a warning. Walking out and back into the main hall I follow the signs to the exit, walking directly past a few nurse stations without a second glance my way. No-one calls out, no alarms, nothing. Just cold night air hitting my face as the doors slide open.

Fluorescent lights illuminate my surroundings, empty pathways next to a half empty parking lot. I don’t recognise any of the vehicle models, clunky and coloured in options I’ve never known were available. “First a lack of units inside, now tacky coloured scraps of metal for transport. What is going on here.”

Irrelevant, we’re doing nothing but wasting time.

Where do we start, we don’t know where they sent us or what we’re looking for specifically other than what we can recognise by her state.

“She was young, educational facilities may be a good starting place. Her hair colour was provocative and easy to discern as well. Add to the depth of her emotional connection compared to the others I’ve felt was significantly more pronounced.”

We were only in the transport for a short duration, we could not have left the city so that should limit the options further.

Just a matter of finding the correct location, then find a way to speak to the custodian to allow access to her wards.

Which we won’t be able to do at night, having a safe location to rest and process the rest of the sedative that nurse injected us with is our best course of action for now.

The pathway branches out to the main road, street lights illuminate the empty roads with no signs to help me navigate. Each direction seems to have similar buildings and surroundings. “Nothing but to keep moving and narrow down the options then.”

Following the left path the light of the hospital fades, the feelings dull which slows the throbbing feeling of trying to process so much so quickly. Didn’t realise I was doing so much, must have been processing even whilst I was out of commission. Will eventually need to find out where the other units are to leave such a place unmonitored.

Things get weirder as I make my way into an area with more buildings. The streets are clean and most locations seem to be closed, traffic lights change even without a vehicle to guide. “It’s all wrong, so much time wasted with nothing being done. What is happening here?” Lost productivity in shutting down business, lack of material production for the hours that things are shut down. It’s not right, it goes against everything the system demands. “Where did they send me?”

Panicking will not help us, find a space for shelter so we can begin the search in the morning.

“Nonononono, It’s wrong though. They sent me where it’s different. What process do I follow, who do I report my success when I’ve proven they still need me. It’s wrong. It’s wrong. I don’t know what to do!”

We help people, that doesn’t change just because where we are is different than expected.

“How?! I don’t have the peacekeepers if they go black, do they have support units at all? How will I be able to approach her to help if they don’t? This is so far outside my scope.”

We don’t let her go black, if they aren’t familiar with us we just do what we were made for and handle it as it comes.

Protocol does not change due to not being inside a jurisdictional void. We perform our duties.

I can’t breathe, everything is spinning. My head knows what to do but I can’t understand. Where do I go, what can I do. Where am I, why was I sent here. I can’t understand, can’t understand. I need to get away. I need to go back to what’s right. I can’t be here. It’s all wrong.

I run.

The streets are empty.

The buildings are closed.

There is nothing here.

I run, I can’t see anything, I keep running. My breathing is getting ragged, I run harder. The buildings look older, some missing windows, some boarded up. I can barely breathe.

I fall. My lungs struggle to take in air, I need to get away. I can’t run anymore.

I stop. It all feels wrong still, but there is still something, remember, just remember.

The lights have gone out.

The buildings got larger.

There is nothing here.

Was there something there? Why did I leave without approval? What am I doing? Why am I hurt? Where was I sent? What am I now? Why did they throw me away? Why can’t I breathe? Why does it hurt? What am I doing? Why?! Why! What am I doing!?

I can’t get up, I need to know, I need to know. I lie gasping, trying to fill my lungs still. My mind still racing, still telling me what I already know but just can’t seem to process. How can a tool function without its owner to direct it.

Things seem to slow down around me, my breathing finally starts to even out and my head seems to go quiet. I can only hear myself now, just me.

“I just want to help. Please let me help.”

When did I say that? Is that what I’m doing, it’s all I’ve ever done?

It’s all I’ll ever do. She still needs my help even if everything is wrong. I’m going to help her.

We were made to help.

It’s all we ever wanted to do.

I laugh, coughing and spluttering as I struggle to breathe right after finally getting it back, but I laugh. Loudly, clearly, and more honestly than I can ever remember. “They threw me away. Everything is different but I can still help. Everything is wrong but I can still help. They’ll never take that away from me!”

First step is getting up and out of the cold to rest.

Still laughing I stand, looking around everything looks broken, everything looks like it’s been left alone and forgotten. “Perfect for me then, we aren’t useless as long as we stay standing. AM I RIGHT!”

Walking past a few chain link fences with buildings standing tall and strong. One stands out to me with all it’s windows seeming intact, the fence partially collapsed. No security notices or visible cameras. Perfect.

The windows are barred and the doors chained shut, fire exit has a retracted ladder with an open door on the second level though. The metal has rusted slightly but remains stable, the door groans with effect and stale air batters me as I step inside, everything I could have hoped for.

No light, no sound, no movement. Homelessness must not be a large factor here if such a choice location goes unclaimed in such an area close to the main city. The walls act as my guide as I look for the stairs going down, The floor sounds it displeasure of having my weight bother it after so long. I enjoy the sounds, the slight light flickers as the trees outside shift to let in the moonlight, the taste of the air. Nothing is right yet it all seems perfect for the moment, the stairs take control of the symphony as I take the first steps down. I can’t remember smiling like this, laughing like this, feeling. Just feeling for me, I have my role, what I was made for. Only now it’s not for them, it’s for her, then the one after her, then the next and the next and the next again.

Light filters through more downstairs, a few boards seem to have been removed from the windows. I may not have been the first visitor after all. The floor is bare concrete, a small pile is sitting in one of the far off corners. There isn’t any active emotional connection that I can grasp, so definitely no-one here now for me to disturb. Getting closer the remnants start to hit. “It’s hers! The sadness, loneliness, desperation, and guilt. Ha! Everything I need is right here, where is she?” She must have chosen this place for the same reasons I did, clever. Pushing out nothing comes back, she’s not here. “Doesn’t matter, I found her at least, she may come back, if not I can find her and bring her things to her as a first meeting.” The pile has her sleeping bag, her backpack, a few books and papers scattered, and a few pieces of clothing.

Check for a name. It will make finding her later easier with a name.

No! Wait until the morning, if she comes back tonight to find you went through her things that could act as a blockade. We’re pretty sure they don’t have units here so she may not accept the privacy invasion.

Finding a comfortable place another corner I lean against the wall with my new bag and wait. “I can’t wait to meet you, Whatever you need, I’ll be here to help you. I promise.” Almost as soon as I get settled my body slows down. A few more days at this stage to get back to a hundred percent, then just time for hair and skin to go back to normal. Nothing is going to stop me though. Nothing.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

My neck feels stiff. She didn’t come back last night, that doesn’t matter though. The morning light shows a bit of dust covering her things, she hasn’t come back in a few days. Might have found another place to stay, which means it’s all the more important to get her things back to her.

Picking up the pages, equations and notes litter each of them, none of the figures make sense though. Some don't seem to indicate mathematical equations or chemical formulas that I’m familiar with, they all seem to work in a more circular formation with repeating factors. Smart girl if she can understand though, doesn’t like writing her name on her work sheets though. Same with her books, they do give me the educational facility. The bag has what I’m looking for though. “Nice to meet you Sunset, you just wait and I’ll be there to help you soon.” I’ll be able to help, I’ll be there soon. They aren’t here to stop me, no-one can stop me. “You’ll be fine, you’ll be happy, you’ll appreciate what I can do. More than they ever could.”

Everything fits neatly, I have all the information I need to find her. Just need to find Canterlot High School. If she was staying here it should be within a reasonable walking distance. “She’s a smart girl, just need to find the city centre first. Educational facilities are always in easily accessible locations”

Protocol outside our standardised development plans may not be relevant here, their efficiency has already been subject to scrutiny.

However if school does begin at an early hour we should see a number of younger individuals heading in the same direction, if we’re able to confirm that they’re heading to the school we need…

Plan set, bags on. If she’s been sleeping here it may be prudent to check the other rooms down here to see if anything else was left, if I’m going to give her things back it’ll be all her things.

She’s left the rest pretty much untouched, either she only used this place as a place to rest rather than a refuge or she’s frugal. It’s strange, rooms with desks that could be made into makeshift beds so she isn’t stuck on the floor are left alone covered in dust, yet one of the toilet rooms has had a makeshift shower jury rigged from the sink with a small container linking up with a gas bottle. She knows how to care for herself, but seems to avoid making things easier than they need to unless it’s for something important. Why would a young girl with so much potential be living in these conditions? If she didn’t need to come back last night what’s changed now? Why leave her thing behind? Too much I don’t know, Too much I want to know.

We will learn nothing standing here.

“Nothing else here. I just need to find her.” The second floor is much easier to find and traverse with a bit of morning light, less to focus on getting back when I can see where my feet are going to land. The breeze of the morning air tells me the door is just around the corner.

We’re learning more about her though, we don’t have information packets to give us what we need, we haven’t been given expectations of how to deal with her or what to aim for. Everything she’s left behind helps us, how she feels is insignificant information if we don’t know why, or what she’s likely to respond to.

As I start down the ladder a small melody that I remember from the hospital lobby fills my head, music was never very popular at home but here. I whistle along with my own recollection, out of tune, parts are missing. It’s still the best thing I’ve heard in a long time.

We need to know who it is we’re helping, we need to know her-

I don’t need to know her, I just need to help her. Drain her sorrow, take her anger, humans are all the same. Egotistical, self-serving and wasteful. She’ll be no different, I was made to help them, to keep them going when their own minds betray them. She’ll probably forget me when I’m done, I may hope for the best to keep myself from going mad but looking back they never bother to remember me in the first place. Who ever remembered EB-247-D? Knowing her will just make things more difficult.

We know that she’s depressed. We also know her name and where she is. Anything above that is pointless conjecture. If she doesn’t respond then we mark her as a black candidate and move on.

We have an opportunity to be more, we want to help, we want to prove we’re worth it. Why go back to relying on their procedures when we don’t have to. These humans helped us when we first got here. They cared. Why not let ourselves try and get closer to help better than just getting her back to functional.

Because I don’t need to get closer, I just need to be useful, I just need to help. Anything beyond that is their problem. They helped put me back together after they threw me away, they also immediately tried to put me back to sleep and follow their demands. I’m not following their procedures anymore, I’m not letting myself get hurt by them anymore either. I help because I want to help, as soon as I lose that desire I’ll find something else to do instead.

That is against our purpose.
You can’t.

“I can, I can do whatever I want now. I want to help, I want to laugh, I want to experience the world as they do. Right now, I want to meet Sunset Shimmer. I want to prove that I’m not obsolete, I want. I want. I want.” The music stops and I begin to laugh again, louder and louder. My throat burns as the sound takes all the air from my lungs and escapes with the mirth I’m feeling. “I never got to want, I never had any desires. My purpose is irrelevant at this point.” They threw me away here, whether intentional or not. I’m going to make the most of that error.

It’s weird how the street is still bare, there are a few lights still operating but even at this time of the morning nothing seems to be going on. The buildings are broken and most are fenced off and boarded up, just like my temporary residence last night. I continue straight, following the path I ran last night when I lost myself and opened my eyes to the possibilities. How far did I run, didn’t think I could possibly be this capable coming out of medicinal unconsciousness then dosed with sedative.

The tune pops into my head again as I continue to walk, I can’t help but hum along with the sound, it helps in drowning out my own thoughts of mistakes and protocol. I’m having too much fun, enjoying my first tastes of freedom. Finding myself with options that I don’t want to take away from myself by falling into old habits. If I make a mistake it’s my mistake to make.

I close my eyes and lean back slightly to feel the morning breeze wash over my face, I enjoy the cool, the sound of the wind brushing past my ears… the feeling of falling over after walking face first into something in the middle of the path. A feeling of freedom should not be making me fail to notice a giant sign embedded into the concrete.

Nothing broken, nothing hurting more than has been usual since my arrival. Wiping my nose I notice the red staining my hand as I pull away. “That’ll teach me to watch where I’m going.” Pulling myself up by grabbing the leg of the culprit that knocked me down, I notice that it’s a warning of planned reconstruction efforts for the entire district. “Oh, well that explains why there isn’t anyone here. Also why she’d be hiding here.” Should be more people ahead though if everything from here on is still in a functional state.

Definitely more. Much, much more. Cars with only one occupant at times, stores only just starting to open their doors, adults, children, and elderly. All walking about with their own thoughts and destinations. The tastes follow every colour of the spectrum, sitting here for five minutes would be the equivalent of an entire days worth of an EA units required work at home. The wrongness is overwhelming, yet the smiles, the laughter, the hope, despair, love, lust, anger, sadness. The symphony of life and chaos is more beautiful than I could imagine, I want to join in. I want to laugh with the little boy as he watches the man play with a puppet across the street. I want to cry with the young woman driving past. I want to stare longingly along with the boy as he entrances himself with the girl walking beside him despairing at the day to come. It’s all wrong and yet it’s more than anything I’ve ever been able to see before, been able to experience before. I never want it to end.

Looking around taking as much as I can, I see a few teenagers walking down one of the streets, cars with others seem to travelling that way as well. All the ones walking are chatting happily, similar backpacks to the one I found this morning. Need to be sure though. I speed up a little to catch up with a small group of three boys.

“Excuse me.” one out of three turning to look over his shoulder is honestly better than I expected. “Hello, I was just wanting to check that this was the right way to Canterlot High School?” The original listener stops and actually faces me, the other two realise their friend has left the line and look back a few steps later. almost enough to stare in open mouth surprise, very few people would risk a delay in their own plans to assist another let alone a group of people. I’m enjoying all the pleasant surprises this place seems to subject me too.

“You a new student? Definitely think I’d remember if we had a skinhead.” What’s a skinhead? From the look the burly guy that asked me, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know, I definitely don’t want to have him think I’m one if his reaction to the possibility is anything to go by. His anger while staring at me is unnerving.

“C’mon dude, guy asked a harmless question and you’re jumping down his throat. If you’re gonna be an arse then keep walking and I’ll be a decent person in your stead.” Oh, wow. I’m not sure if it’s the fact he was able to say that statement without a hint of animosity, or that he stood up to a companion for a random stranger that impresses me more. The big guy and the lanky one that kept pace with him originally turn and walk away, the burly one having raised a hand with a middle digit raised. Not sure why but it seems to upset the guy with me.

“Sorry didn’t mean to cause a disagreement between you all.” The fact that his only response is to scoff tends to make me think it’s not the first time this has happened.

“Nah Brawly’s just an asshole who likes to think he’s being inclusive by judging people ahead of time if they tick certain boxes. Decent guy once you get to know him though.” That makes zero sense.

“Anyway, to answer your original question. Yes CHS is this way.” The confusion I feel right after that worries me. “Are you actually a new student, don’t wanna be rude but I can’t tell with the lack of hair and, uh, y’know.” Add a bit of embarrassment to the confusion and we have this moment we’re having. Of which I’m just as confused.

“I only just arrived in the area, a few days ago. Didn’t have the best entrance and ended up in the hospital, if you were asking why the lack of hair and burns.” Shoot that embarrassment up a bit more, take away the confusion, add a dash of sorrow and you have the bundle of nerves with blue hair in front of me.

“Oh… yea okay. Hurm, ah. Right. W-well at least you’re better now, right, a-heh.” This is adorable, never seen anything like it.

“Since the other guys already went ahead, I can show you around, if you, um, y’know. Want a bit of help.”

I think I struck the jackpot finding this guy. “I’d really appreciate that, not used to the area yet. Like at all sort of thing.” He might even know her and be able to introduce us, make things easier no matter how much I can use him.

“No worries man, I’m Flash Sentry by the way, everyone calls me Flash though.” The smile that could make girls swoon and confidence once the embarrassment clears, very stable individual. His individual emotional density pales in comparison to hers. Strange.

“It’s very nice to meet you Flash, you can call me EB.” No other units around to distinguish between and EB-247-D always seems to be a mouthful more than anyone ever wants to say anyway. “I really appreciate your help.” Keep the smile up as well, they always trust the smile.

“Anytime, still got plenty of time to get there, we were going to try and get some practice in early. Only reason we’re coming in at this time of the morning. It’s only about a five minute walk from here.”

Excellent.

I’m almost there, see you soon Sunset.

Author's Note

Right that promise I made that this one should be out with a better time, yea that came back to bite me, sorry.

Not making any promises other than I'm doing my best for the next chapter.

Anyway. This chapter hopefully starts to show just how broken our other side is.

So hope you enjoy, I know I enjoyed finally getting it out there.