Applejack, why do you keep pigs?

by ComradeCheese

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Original Character
Length: 8237

An inoocent enoght question had quicly sent everypony involved down a slippery slope...

Applejack and Rainbow Dash set out for a quest to find out just what the hay is happening to the pigs that AJ has been selling of to a livestock distribution centre in Sayer's Hollow. But as they track down the shipments things go a little out of control...

Published 2019-03-27 14:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-15 21:34:13 UTC

Part 2/2

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Part 1/2

Author's Note

Set sometime in Season 8 after Heartbreakers...

So, this story will go a bit like the last one. IE there will be two parts relivant to the main plot and an Epiloge at the end. I considered making this a single story but I just really wanted to get it out and I did encounter a bit of a block when it comes for the next chapter... It shouldn't take longer though than two weeks this time around...
Also thanks for the positve feedback! Considering I have seen some stories with thumb downs in their hundreds it is nice to see a mainly positive feedback :twilightsmile:

Part 1/2

“Applejack, why do you keep pigs?”

A question, innocent enough, passed through her ears as she turned around to see a rather curious cyan pegasus.

“Sorry Rainbow?” Asked Applejack as she moved her back legs off the tree and turned her full attention to her honest friend. “What did ya ask?”

“Well, I was chillaxing on a cloud you see after taking Tank to Fluttershy where she was talking about her other animals and stuff. So while I was thinking over the things she was dragging on about I wondered-why do you keep pigs? You are not an animal caretaker, so you are not getting paid for keeping them, nor you can milk them, can you?”

“Nah Raindbow.” Applejack giggled. “Yer can’t milk an oinker.”

“Then what the hay did I bought on that state fair three moons ago?”

“What?”

“Why do you keep them? You can’t be keeping them just for the sake of it!”

“Well of course not! A farm mare never wastes one bit unless it’s family.” She puffed her barrel proudly. “Anything for my folk, but nothing wasted!”

“That’s all well and good but why DO you keep them?” Rainbow creaked in slight frustration hiding under her raspy voice. “Not like you are related to pigs?”

“Gee, slow your wagon there partner!” Applejack was mildly annoyed “I was getting there. No, I don’t keep’em for nothin y’know. There is that that really kind fellar who pay me good money to keep’em on a promise that I return him the ones that are fully grown, heathy pigs."

“Great,” Rainbow was about to fly back but at the last moment she turned around and asked. “What for?”

“Pardon?”

“What does he needs them pigs for?” Rainbow Dash scratched her head. “If there is no reason to own pigs why would he want them?”

“Dunno, maybe he distributes them to the caretakers?”

“Doubt that! Fluttershy never bought a critter in her life. All she has are either wild critters, adopted pets or that gift from Discord…” Rainbow muttered something else under her breath-this time completely incomprehensible.

“Ehh…” Applejack pondered scratching the mane under her old Stenson. “Maybe people buy them as pets?”

“Do you know anyone with a pig for a pet?”

“Ah’ suppose it is kinda strange now that I think about it-but it earns me my keep so what do I…

“What if…” Rainbow sharply interrupted her; pressing her nose into her muzzle. Her eyes as big as dinner plates. “…they are exported to Griffinstone!?”

“Why would anypony need em’ there?”

“Dinner.” Rainbow Dash said confidently.

“Rainbow?!” Applejack immediately objected. “I know you can be a bit a bit screwed up sometimes but that is straight-up nasty. Where do get ideas like that from?”

“Gilda.”

“Well we both knew she is a bad influence for your character? Ah’ve seen more tasteful jokes commin' out from Discord’s toilet…”

“No, I mean you know that meat is very popular in that side of the world? We have been fishing once, trying to re-bond, and she told me more about the food there… Pigs are often raised for their flesh there and it fetches quite a good price too.”

The words sunk in for a few moments as the young farmer considered the possibilities which were becoming increasingly unpleasant inside her head…

“Rainbow Danger Dash… I need you to take a quick de-tour to Starlight’s old town, as quick as you can, and see whenever Sugarbelle can stay here for two days extra or so on her next visit to cover for me. I know she is a unicorn but there’s a lot of work to do and Granpa Pear is far too busy with his own work-if anything he needs some help to boot. If she can come then both of us will take a train to Sayer’s Hollow as soon as possible to MAKE SURE that the oinkies aren't being sent to the ovens.”

“Sure thing AJ! Rainbow was about to depart but then stopped again. But before I go…” she leaned down. “…did you REALLY see jokes in Discords… bowl?” She whispered in wonder.

"Nah, it’s the smell there that makes you hear and then see things-something about nopony expecting the inquisition and spam… Was the weirdest thing ‘ah ever saw.”

Later on in Sayer’s Hollow.

"No," The stallion at the desk waved off the notion pushed at him by the two cautious fillies. "I wouldn’t worry about that! We have a full voluntary embargo on any deals made with the establishments around or within Griffinstone. We here value our customers and we would never ship any animals that are traded through this door to be eaten. As a matter of fact I have all my transfer invoices right there…” He proceeded to bend down until he pulled out a thick file which he quickly browsed through. “Aha, there it is… Last time you have sent me a couple of pigs four months ago those were delivered to Trottingham, Saltlicker’s Street, building number 13.

While at first they have decided to head straight home they have decided that they might as well check on the two since Trottingham was only a short detour from their original pathway… So while they were at Baltimare they changed trains and arrived in Trottingham. Leaving the decorated cast iron and glass shelter of the station they were greeted with a sight of brown brick tenements hugging around limestone avenues. In the distance they could see tall cranes of the ports and narrow stacks from the looming mills. Briefly taking in the surroundings they have set off…

“You know what I was thinking AJ” Rainbow said as they were navigating through tight rows of brick terrace housing and businesses packed back to back against each other.

“Yes, Rainbow?” Applejack looked over from the cheap b/w tourist map they were given on the station.

“You could have just sent me there and I would’ve had the information you need in ten minutes flat instead of having to haul us both on a slow moving train up north.” She said while also eyeing up a fish and chip shop thinking about a snack…

“Ah well, I suppose it’s my animals-well not anymore, but it is more important for me to be sure myself. I know your no liar but I like to be, as you would say, 20% more confident."

“Heh, yea…” She said drifting in the general direction of the fish and chip shop.

“No we are not going there.” She said as they passed the takeaway. “I know some ponies, pegasi especially, engage in this sorta thing but I can’t imagine eating fish that been alive minutes away.”

“Ok,” Rainbow lamented. “And to be honest form the smell it is more like few days ago…" She cringed as the door opened.

“Bleh… Anyhoot where is that darn place?”

"Gee AJ, those maps aren’t THAT great you know!” she moaned “Well we are on Saltlick Street, but I am not seeing a pattern with those numbers yet… It’s too crowded to see mu… WHOA!” She barely dodged another pegasus flying past.

“SORRY LASS!” Echoed from the nearby alley”

“…much… WATCH WHERE YOU GOING PUNK!” Rainbow squawked angrily shaking her hoof in the general direction of the sound.

“Rainbow you are going to get us in trouble…” Applejack moaned “This here bakery is a 42…, what’s the number on the next house?”

“43”

“Cons darn it we are going backwards!”

“Next one is also 42, no wait it’s actually 42a… followed by a 41b and then 42b…”

" '-' "

A long trot and servile questions later

The have finally came to the house they were looking for. In its exterior the building itself was unremarkably simple even by Trottingham standards. A terrace row that had it’s second (or first as the locals called it) floor whitewashed while the first (or ground) was kept a bare brick. Crude door, two pairs of narrow windows and a blue tile roof hump was given to each unit. Their house at the end of the terrace however had three notable exceptions-it had a turret on the side of it as well making the building wider, instead of a normal chimney it had a factory level flue stack towering over the relatively small house and each widow had a particularly notable phrase written with gold paint:

The Slithering Scarlet Pie Mare’s of Saltlick Street

PIE & MASH SHOP

Traditional Cheese and Onion/Apple Savoury/Trottingham Pies and Mashed Potatoes

“So…,” Rainbow began with a blank expression “That son of a mule said that he makes sure no animal trade-ins are sent to the slaughter house-and he sent us to a restaurant?”

“Hold yer horses Rainbow-ah don’t see any…” gulp “cold cuts on sale there, plus ah see mainly ponies there on the inside… surely you would expect more griffons and maybe diamond dogs if that was the case?” She said peeking through the window in the turret.

The restaurant in fact was, besides one griffon, stuffed with ponies enjoying their lunch of various kind of pie along with a side of mash and either a cup or stein of drink behind heavy wooden tables. The dining hall itself was given a simple whitewash on the inside with some eye pleasing decorations added such as green and red tablecloths along with lace curtains, decorated gas lighting and few paintings of various warships under gale.

As they have entered they immediately noticed the lack of a host of the place, they decided not to be too intrusive on the owner or/and server but instead to side step on the issue they want to inquire about... They eventually approached the counter under which they could see a vast hot cabinet sticking out… Rainbow rung the bell conveniently placed next to the abandoned counter…

“…coming sveetees…”

A slithering, muffled voice slipped from the back…about solid five minutes later a red earth pony mare in socks, apron and bonnet showed up before them. She stood on her hind legs while her forehooves pressed into the counter, her muzzle grinning madly.

“Gheeetings, I am the slitherin scarhet mare of salthlik stheet! Welcome tho my shop!”

“Gee you really meant the slithering part on the window didn’t you…” Rainbow asked as she processed what the mare had said.

“Well, an ahthist, a shef can be an ahthist canth she, neeths a good stage name…, I haventh been bleshed with a singhing ghade voice and I do have my shcarlet coat-so I though it rhymesh." She raised her chin in pride while giving her maroon coat a brush.

“What is your real name by any chance?” Rainbow said trying to sound as chill as possible. “I am Rainbow Dash.”

“Applejack…” she added.

“E X T R A C R I S P Y” The mare winced and cringed as she tried to nail the pronunciation, which thankfully she did.

“Gosh you don’t need to say it like that…” Applejack cringed at the way in which the chef's face twisted and bent.

“What are the prices here? I am STARVING!” Rainbow Dash whined while Applejack gave her a bit of a glare.

“Here ish the menu” she pointed at the chalkboard hanging on the wall behind the counter which Rainbow studied
meticulously while Applejack face hooved on the inside.

“What the hay is a Trottingham pie?” Rainbow asked…

“House speshialy, I don’t want to be thading away my sheekrets” She said “Ith ish our hottesht item”

“Well I want that in my mouth then, what about you AJ? Apple savoury?”

“Sure…” Applejack gave in so that she doesn't appear like a sour apple.

The mare behind the counter has quickly pulled out two large dinner plates and fetched two pies out of the cabinet, one in puff pastry and the other in harder standing crust, which she placed onto the plates. She then opened a lid in the top of the cabinet revealing a mass of mashed potato which she spread onto the plate with a wooden spoon in her teeth. She put the spoon down to grab a ladle; opening another lid filled with thick brown liquid.

“Wvavee?” Extra Crispy asked presenting the steaming brown liquid.

“Sorry what was that?” Rainbow asked.

“Gravy?” She said again after putting down the ladle…

“Ya’ call that gravy?” Applejack asked with hint of repulsiveness in her voice.

“Yesh…” she said mildly surprised “What would you ekshpect gravy to bhe like?” She said as if she didn’t know of its continental namesake-for better or worse.

"Never mind AJ!" Rainbow said whilst laying down the bits on the counter and swiftly grabbing her plate…
As they took their seats they took in the sight of their plates. The first thing that Applejack did was to take her “pie”, which was only 4” across making it more of a pastry, and out of habit cut it into four slices. The smell emitted from the pie quickly revealed that it was less apple and more savoury. Taking a bite she quickly discerned that the apples were definitely not from any of her family farms and were probably the less common cooking apples; mixed in with a considerable amount of oats and onion. But despite the fact that the filling was an offence to apples as an entity the puff pastry crust and mashed potatoes were excellent while the gravy was not half bad either.

Seeing Applejacks face going from disgust to quiet enjoyment Rainbow has gingerly split her pie in two-revealing a greyish chunky paste on the inside spewing out a rich half savoury half spicy odour that has quickly assaulted her nostrils.

“The hay?” Rainbow inspected the filling with her feathers. “What in Equestria is that?” She said feeling the filling of her meal. “It’s chunky and sticky…” she said as she took some of it into her mouth. The taste of it was like nothing she ever tasted-it had a flavour that was both rich and plain at the same time-but it was really good. Upon further consumption she noted that both the filling and the crust were… She couldn't pick a good word to describe it. Oily? No there defiantly wasn’t oil in there it didn’t had the slightly bitter flavour that usually followed it. Buttery? Maybe but the unlike butter it did have a mellow savoury flavour to it. If it was fish she would call it fatty but… wait… FATTY?
Realisation struck her.

After she sat motionless for solid three minutes she pushed the plate to one side and wiped her muzzle clean with a napkin… This did not go unnoticed by Applejack but Rainbow thought that was for the better as she let her lean in while she whispered into her ear:

“AJ, I believe our early suspicions have come true. This Trotingham pie must be made with meat.”

AJ did not need any further notice to agree with Rainbow Dash as she also pushed aside her plate as they quietly began to discuss what plan of action should they have for the butcher behind the counter. AJ argued for an honest one to one discussion behind the house while Rainbow wanted to make a broad announcement in the dining hall. However, the mare of their chat came to them.

“Vas there a probhlem with the food?” Extra Crispy asked innocently. “I Canh make you a fresh batsh…” She said picking a piece of Rainbows pie as she munched audibly on it. “Bith cold buth nothing whrong…, maybe you hust dohnt like Thotingham pie?"

“No…” Rainbow Dash said. “Never in my entire life have been bamboozled THIS MUCH. And I live near Pinkie for Celestia’s sake”

“B A M B O O Z L E D?” The red mare struggled to pronounce the word…”Why?” It was at this moment that her face has changed instantly as her eyes turned as big as the dinner plates that she was recently handing out. Wasting no time she leaned it where conversation was once more drowned down to a mere whisper.

“Ye donth need to be rhude to me you know.”

“What do you mean rude?”

“Lookh around.” She waved her hoof around the busy establishment. “There are plenthy of ponies here enjhoing the food here. Wouldn’t you think revealinh this lithle oversight would spoil their appetiteas and foreveh ruin theirh favorite meals for them? I will say you ahe noth the firhsth to find outh, quithe a few did-mainly Hriffons but some ponies as well, nophony was this peefed before."

“I RAISED THOSE HOGS!”

Applejack exclaimed as she pressed her hoof into the table. However unbeknownst to her she pressed her hoof into Dash's meal. The lardy filling sent her hoof forward like a diving hawk across the table. Slipping she spread herself against the table cracking one of the legs sending it straight into Rainbow’s jaw which briefly stunned the pegasus as she fell over as well. Much to her ill luck her head landed on that of Applejack. Knocking out both of them in the process.
The commotion has quickly attracted the attention of the entire restaurant as ponies looked from their tables.

“Oh deah!” The scarlet mare exclaimed audibly. “What a pithy, I shoulth have chanshed those tables longh aho…”

“Are they alright?” Somepony sked approaching them.

“Oh yesh yesh!” Extra Crispy quickly reassured everyone. “Justh a concussion! Nothin more… She said putting the two mares on her back like two heavy sacks. “I’ll takhe them in to shee thath nothin happens to them-Ih’ll ghive them hood care”

Bonus (and some future lore)

Extra Crispy sat on a stool behind the counter, looking over a family of customers. Oddly enough a lot of her fears did not come true; around half of her customer base was still more than willing to come to her shop for their plateful of pie and mash. However this was smoothed out by the fact that there was now a considerable amount of griffons coming over to her caf' for dinner after work or as a trip with their families.

As of now she was making the perfect amount of money to keep herself fed and the shop running with a little bit extra on good days. But she did not care about that. Having reconsidered her life’s choices she now spent a lot more time trying to socialise with her customers in hopes of finding a few more friends. The words from the two Ponyvillians still singing in her memory:

“Not only you will spend your entire life with an empty crib but you will have nopony to appreciate what makes you happy, nopony to comfort you when you are sad and worse still there will be nopony to see you off to your deathbed.”

Much to her pleasant surprise both Gladius and Glaive were still in town and remembered her fairly well andin good light.

Reconnecting over with the two was as sweet as she could ever imagine it. Pleasant memories of the past were generously washed over in generous quantity of tea and cucumber sandwiches.

Turns out they have both married a decade ago-their shop singing with the scratching of little talons. Nonetheless, they have both decided that it would be best for both of them to stay here as they have been partners for long time know and it saved then a great deal on rent. Their wives did not object so they did.

Hearing on what Crispy had done in her shop they have both appreciated her decision saying that the main reason they have ditched Griffinstone was the toxic attitude everygriff had there when it came to bits. Upon hearing how many bits she had managed to save up they were both impressed with Glaive latter adding:

“If that old geezer Gruff is still alive; he sure wouldn’t be after hearing about you Crisp. He’d have a stroke for sure!” The other shared his opinion.

Back in her shop she was now spending a lot more time talking to her customers which she had now thanks to the fact that she was not as busy…

Turns out a lot of ponies really respected her willingness to explore the cuisine a little more, often replying how the pony culture has been overly stagnant for quite the considerable amount of time and that her “Trottingham” pies were still the best in Trottingham. She did hear of some of her old customers being outrgaed as well as news of the mayor trying to ban the imports of pig carcases into the region but that did not go anywhere. She even considered putting pigeon pies back on the menu but eventually decided that despite her "better" relationship with her customer base she now had quite a public image so it would be best to avoid anything that can be considered further unethical.

Furthermore to her own surprise, for the first time ever, she had received some letters asking if she has room to hire an apprentice which was a particularly pleasant bit of news.

There were only two more things left…

One was writing a letter to her parents about what has happened. Not only she has kept them in the dark about what she has been putting in her pies but she also hasn’t wrote to them in good three years now,which she had to ammend....

“Thanks for the dinner Crispy! Have a good one!” A voice interrupted her train of thought as a family of pegasi was leaving the hall…

“Oh, shears! Shears!” She waved back at them as they were leaving only to stop in the doorway looking somewhat confused.

“Shears?” The mother of the group asked.

“I meanth C H E E R S!” Extra Crispy said, painstakingly annunciating the last word. Although getting new friends was nice having to talk more proved a lot more tiresome than it would usually be. ON the bright note if you talk with them for long enough they would generally get used to it….

“Oh sorry Crisp. Cheers to you too!”

They left, leaving the shop empty as she was back considering the other aspect. The empty crib aspect.

She did not know from which angle to approach the issue. On one hoof she never fell in love even once in all of her thirty-six years of life and if she does find a good apprentice, and there were servile applications on her desk right now, she didn’t need to worry about her craft dying out with her. On the other those little chicks the two butchers had were lovely.

And when she was little she did always want a little sister or a brother: something her parents never gave her no matter how much she nagged…

Extra Crispy went upstairs for a gaze through the window… Out of it she could catch the tips of the masts from various ships that go into and out of the harbour. She heard some sort of a new ship was completed in Baltimare and was arriving in Trottingham for a show of flag. Understandibly this drew a lot of ponies into the docks, although she couldn’t quite catch the glimpse of it…

Thinking about it again the earth pony baker became a little upset as she considered what future there was for her.

Looking behind her she had servile drawers and chests full of bits. (she never trusted the banks and thus kept her money at home since Equestrian bits never went down in value) She was sorted for servile times over, and she had her shop and she had friends as well, but one aspect of her life was left lacking. Still, she thought, perhaps it is for the better. Was a coltfried really that important as other mares make it out to be? And furthermore what are the chances she won’t get scammed out of all her precious bits or be distracted form the few friends she managed to have? Better not be a silly pony and rush things because of some continental farmer’s grunts.

As she looked out of the window one of the clippers moved out of sight and she thought that this must have been the new vessel. And, despite the fact she could only see the masts and funnels, she was in awe…

The ship was a steamer with three stacks coughing up a lot of soot into the sky. The only two masts it had, holding the banners of the two sisters, lacked any sort of sail. Instead the aft mast only had the flag and curiously a little wooden shack under where the sails should have been. The foremast appeared to be a tripod with wooden platforms and a bigger shack atop it… and looking at the distance between the masts the thing must have been at least four or five hundred hooves in length making it truly massive.

But as she was staring at it she could catch the sound a bell going off downstairs-customer! She dashed down like a weatherpony on storm Friday and hit the counter like a battering ram.

“Helloo! I amh the Slitherin Sclarhleth Pie Mare of Shaltlikh Shreet! Welkome to my pie shoph!”

“Good Afternoon to you as well, pie mare.” A grey unicorn who she did not recall seeing before replied. "My name would be Coal Jacky Pudding, I heard you sell Griffinstone food here?”

“No?” She said feeling a little confused. “I only shell pie an mash”

“But I heard that you sell Griffinstone inspired pies? I heard you have pies like you can't get anywhere?"

“Oh, of courshe!” She cheered up finally understanding what he meant. “You woulth likhe some of my Thotingham pie? That has meath.”

“Well yes!” He lit up in anticipation. “As soon as I heard my home town has meat on sale I was in a hurry to get some.”

“Yhe came to the reicht place!” She said opening the hot cabinet, pulling out one hefty piece of pastry out of it, filling her nostrils with the ever so familiar smell. “I do hapfen to be the onlee pony in Thotingham to sell meath pies.”

“Well that would be music to my years!” The stallion smiled, I’ll take two with one side of mash and one mug of tea please.”

“Here you gho…” The scarlet mare passed the plate over the counter, the chunky unicorn took the seat by the window and proceeded to dig in…”

“Have I known you pie was this good, I would have come here ages ago…” He said after taking a few bites, following that with a quick lick of the mashed spuds. “And the side is splendid too, how come I only hear of this place now?”

Crispy proceeded to tell him the same story she told a while back as well as the abridged version of what happened yesterday, leaving out the names of the two mares she had deal with as well as the heartburning spew she received from Applejack. Despite the fact that she did not budge before getting a stern verbal thrashing she would sooner eat her own socks (and she really liked her socks) before she would throw away her strong-willed, seasoned businesspone, every inch a Trottinghammer image.

The unicorn listened with enthusiasm as he dug into his meal, eventually he also noticed that Crispy was seemingly sounding a bit smoother as she talked on and on. He could still hear all the distortion loud and clear but there was no longer any confusion with what she was saying, making it a lot easier to join her in her story.

After finishing the tale right as Coal Pudding has finished his meal he stretched his hooves on the table and grinned.

“I can definitely relate to that…, in my business I also have to face with a lot of resistance, thoug mine is no way near as sneaky as your ever was, quite the contrary”

“Really? What is it that you practice in then?” The baker wondered, leaning in to listen better. Her voice was still odd but for some reason he could no longer pick out misplaced letters, not that it mattered since Coal Pudding did most of the talking now.

“I run a steamworks in Northeast-End, it’s a pretty profitable organisation and something I have a genuine passion for, so you think my life would be paradise but instead I can’t help but notice that fellow ponies don’t seem to appreciate steam power as much as they ought to…”

“What do you mean by that?” The earth pony was noticeably surprised. “I can’t walk for a quater of a mile without seeing smoke in the air and just about every city has a railroad connection going out it…, surely that would be enough for most ponies?”

“Well this is precisely what I meant, you understand the benefit of what modern engineering is offering. But you don’t see what it CAN offer…”

“Elaborate on that…” The crimson mare pondered, putting down the mug she was wiping.

“Have you ever been to any other Equestrian town or city besides Trottingham that isn’t Baltimare or Manehattan?” Crispy shook her head to that. “Well, the fact is there is nearly no manufacturing present in Equestria outside of the “soot belt” that we are fortunate enough to live in… Take a trip to Ponyvile, Las Pegasus or even Canterlot and you will see a very different Equestria.” The unicorn took a look around the room until he locked onto his target of choice. “I think I have just found my example, I see you have gas lighting here? You do like them?”

“Well of course I am quite fond of my lights, it is a lot more convenient and brighter than whale oil or candles we had when I was younger… These really lit up a room.”

“Why don’t you use electric lights instead? They never soot, you don't need starters and room doesn't get as hot in the summer?"

“Oh sure, but those cost an absolute fortune!” She dismissed the notion. “I know the hospital and the town hall has those but I don’t know anypony who uses one at home.”

“Well what if I tell you, if you wanted to you could make electric lights cheaper than gas… or that in some places it is already a reality"

“I am not sure how..., but you’re the engineer so go on…”

“A typical induction bulb, let’s ignore ark and mercury-vapour lamps for now, produces the equivalent of 114 candles worth of light for sixty watts of power. A good triple expansion industrial steam engine can produce an estimate of two thousand seven hundred steady-pony power or approximately 1700 kilowatts of electrical energy; the generation is about 95% efficient on a modern equestrian generator. To produce that much kinetic energy, assuming you know what you doing when setting up your boiler, you need to burn seven times of that energy. However that can be reduced to five or even four.”

“With gas you don’t need to run any engines what so ever, but gas is made from coal-with coal. I will not get into detail since I don’t know much about gas generation other than you are cooking coal and then gathering the hydrocarbon rich exhaust.”

“So you are telling me that I am just using coal at the end of the day every time I run my ovens?”

“Well not quite, you do know that you are getting a lot more convenience when using gas. Back to the lights, let me tell you that as of present day-for every candle worth energy of light produced per a given amount of coal from gas you COULD be getting approximately ten candles worth of light for the same amount of fuel consumed”. He finished, floating a piece of tissue to wipe his forehead. "Which is why gas lighting is already obsolete in Manehattan as costs five times as much there with gas being about the same price as it is here."

“Why is it so expensive then?” The mare asked to which the unicorn was more than keen to reply…

“Because the Equestrian society is horrendously backwards for reasons that are misguided at best.” He said now noticing that his tea that came with the meal went cold. “We could have reliable affordable electric network in Trottingham and the rest of Equestria but thanks to various bits of local law that is not a possibility. They already have a very robust electric network in Manehattan, as Imeantioned earlier, there every building is lit by electricity as well as provided with sockets for domestic use. The electric companies in Trottingham are about as competent as a parasprite would be in charge of a food bank. Canter’s and Sons relies on old low pressure pump engines and kettle boilers bought over from defunct mines, Trottingham Direct has good modern engines but it’s all useless since they use locomotive boilers, altogether making it about ten percent efficient. They also use Direct Current which I am not a professional electrician but even I know that you can’t transmit it across long distances very well, which is why they have servile small stations and steam engines work better when they are scaled up, hence the low efficiency. But who I hate the most is East Side Gas and Electric… do you happen to get your gas from them?”

“No, I get mine from Lady Glasshooves Gasworks…,"

The unicorn wheezed, much to the mare’s confusion…,

“Lady… Glasshooves… Gasworks…” He slowly exhaled and then changed his voice to sound more feminine… “Well yes, I am the cahirpony of the Glashooves Gasworks. Please consider switching to us, the most reliable gas service in all off Trottingham, with our no cut-off guarantee. Don’t be put off by the fact that I actually enjoy having my gas cut off… It’s because I like BBQ.”

“Well I heard East Side is inconsistent with their supplies…” The baker said feeling quite confused… “So that no cut-off guarantee is really good despite how inconsistent their rates are and how arrogant Lady Glasshooves often is…”

“Well there is a good reason for the cut offs, they have the most efficient and clean power station in Trottingham, which got them servile awards from the weatherpony union… as well as good publicity BUT, there is a caveat that everypony seem to overlook. Their electricity is gas generated. But its gas they made themselves, from coal, on a separate site which also provides gas to consumers, thus often running their gasometers empty.

“But why?” The mare asked feeling ultimately dumbfounded and quickly checking whenever or not her cutie mark is being stolen as she was bombarded with knowledge.

“Well there are servile reasons, it could be the rewards and the public image associated with them or it could be the fact that they are trying to artificially make the price of electricity more expensive without violating the Cap on Excess Act, limiting the mark-up on electrical and gas generation, to preserve their contract on city lighting-which is gas operated. But Trottingham and Baltimare are lucky still to have a gas infrastructure, which is still a godsend for cooking and heating.” He said getting off the table and leaning against the counter. “Most of Equestria doesn’t even have that…”

“So you can’t get cooking gas in Ponyvile?” The mare questioned, scratching her head.

“Not in Ponyvile, Hope Hollow, Appleoosa, Las Pegasus, Van Hoofer,Dodge Junction or Canterlot…, we have the means and the knowledge to industrialise the whole of Equestria but the nation’s industrial capability is mainly concentrated in these three cities… Sticking to our previous topic, most of Equestrian homes are still candlelit while the Canterlot nobility spends the night under gilded ethanol lamps. The hospitals DO have electric lights but do you know how they get electricity?” The unicorn grinned like a mad horse.

“No?”

"Point your horn at the lead acid battery and go to town. I tried that once but that would only got me an hour of light for twenty minutes of work. Which would be fine with me if not for the fact it was just my desk light and that I couldn't steadily hold a mug for a quarter of an hour after the ordeal." He winced at the memory whilst gently rubing the base of his horn. "The alternative would be stuffing you in a hamster wheel, would you like that as a keep earner?"

"Of course not!" The shopkeeper winced in protest. "I wouldn't ever imagine myself doing something as mundane as that. I am not that used to repetitive work to begin with..."

"Well too bad! I have seen ponies running pretty large food processing plants of the backs of earth ponies like you just to preserve that clean air! Because one extra funace will DEFINATELY give everypoby cancer overnight! Nevermid that the two of us are still alive! Or that my old stud got it once and after a couple of therapies he never heard of it again! But to have..." He made the saddest face that his bush eyebrows and doublechin would allow..." Soot.. *sob on my feathertips... *sob *sob... GET A LIFE!"

"That must make running factories in there a real tartarus. I couldn't imagine placing a newspaper add for literal ponypower" She thought for a moment..., "But if you were to rotate your staff, maybe one hour in the well seven in the..."

"Many do..., not that it helps since industrial output is pitiful in the mainland. Not only the existing factories are terribly choked by regulations but industrial zoning is also left scare, something about preserving small businesses from the ever-extending tentacles of big capital. I shall have them know that big capital is not the threat. Not that many of them are too clever to invest in new ventures anyway. I know Fancypants does, Luna is quite curious and despite what I said Lady Glashooves is a bit of a role model when it comes to that." The shopkeeper raised an eyebrow to that but kept listening. "Most of them are too busy sipping wine whilst wondering whenever they should spending the night playing snooker in the club or cello in the conservatory."

"Accurate" The mare laughed at the image. "But won't you have to agree that you wouldn't want to ruin small shop when mass produced goods are so much cheaper..."

"Haycakes! I have a very good friend who makes copperware and is also the village smith. Works mainly by himself with his adopted colt occasionally helping out. He even makes his own alloys, has a small crucible furnace he built himself. And for him business is doing well. The difference is that he has a more or less modern workshop with a press, a spinning lathe and a polishing wheel. He still lives in a half timbered house with a coal range and a kerosene lamp, he doesn't actually live in Trottingham but in a small village within the metropolitan area, but he is doing fine. In fact a lot of the jobs that will go are the jobs which either nopony wants, require overly specific talent sets, or fully mechanisisng the process will create competition with the existing plants.

"Of course it would be! I can tell you once again that the reason I went with meat pies is because there is too much competition for traditional pies, I had to innovate! If it weren't for the fact there is a pie shop on every other block my parents would never move to Vanhoover and I'd never carry the meat pie forward."

"Exactly, or you could have lowered your prices... no offence, your prices are pretty reasonable, but you get the point. We, the engineers, scored a small victory in Appleoosa where they decided to open a small one-lot industrial park as well as lift the smog laws in the region. About seven applications were placed on the lot but I did not expect Cheese Sandwich's gag factory to be the winner until I realised this is the only plant that doesn't compete with any of the big guys. And by the way that plant was a beauty to trot around during the grand opening, I had a contract with them for their boilers and Mr Sandwich and Sans Smirk are the dream team to run it for decades to come. Created a lot of new jobs too..."

"So you have problems with finding contracts?"

"Not anymore I don't, largely thanks to the battleship program there is now a growing need for producing more and more materials. I heard Philydelphia is about to abolish both the zoning and smog laws: patching up the hole in the East Coast Soot Belt, Dodge Junction is looking into getting a water powered cotton mill, Stalliongrad created a government trust to authorize rapid industrialization. So thanks to the Royal Equastian Navy driving up material and labour costs things are getting sorted. Not to mention all the new inventions are coming up like better optics, new engine designs, wireless-magicless telegraphy, new steels and alloys..., there are many small gifts which might make their ways into our homes down the line. And for me that, while I did not expect it to be, is the real victory."

"An interesting way to phrase it...,did you manage to contribute anything to the project? You sound like you did?"

"Nice to see that you noticed it, I did make a quite the noticeable contribution to the battleship effort. I am one of the two executive heads of the re-armament program. The other being my good mate Onion Breeze."

"Really?" The mare squinted with a subtle, even a tad sarcastic grin. "You in charge of the whopper outside?"

"That whopper is the THS Goliath; second ship of the Leviathan class. Six hundred hooves in length, twenty-one thousand tons displacement..."

"Six hundred hooves length?" The baker questioned. "Why did you need to make it this long?"

"Well, if you are closing soon I can always show her to you..., the ship is in the docks where we try to recruit some sailors."

Extra Crispy looked at the clock, then outside through the tall windows of the dining hall and back on th clock again, technically it was only 5 o'clock whole two hours before closing. On the other hoof she really did not many ponies today mainly because of the accursed ship so she replied to the unicorn:

"Sure, just let m switch of me gas, put away the leftovers and find me keys..."

Having arrived in the dockyards Crispy was stunned, as she eyed the great gray giant perched on the velvety surface of the bay, dwarfing all the now insignificant brick shacks around it with its hull while the masts poked fun at the dockside cranes and picked fights with the many clippers and steamers. Trotting closer and closer to the iron castle the stallion eventually lead on to a gangplank-or in this case a gang ladder pointing up towards the deck.

"It is good to see a pony who can appreciate beauty behind labour." Coal Pudding said as he was tried to help the baker up the stairs only to notice that she had no trouble so her rushed behind her to catch up. "The first one took us a lot of work..., not just getting it designed and build but digging through all the pish-posh and riff-raff the navy thrown at us." He thought about how he really needed to change his eating habits as he got to the deck. "Not as hard now but I fear we might have trouble getting the upgraded design through..."

Upon the deck Crispy was thunderstruck by the imposing sight of four cannons staring her down from their iron towers backing a bridge the size of a block of flats on which a mast not much unlike that tower the Prench seem to like.

Having been told the inns and outs of the vessel the sun came down right as they were exiting the engine room... The vessel was even more impressive on the inside than she could have ever imagined it from the outside. Crispy did remember very vividly how she once visiting an old museum ship that was on display when she was little. That however was nothing more than a vast empty space with rows and rows of bronze long guns on the lower decks, short iron carronades on the upper deck and hammocks amidst them. This ship had an awestriking collection of rooms each with a dedicated purpose. Dining rooms, recreation rooms, storerooms, coalbunkers and humble crew quarters stretched and dotted the hull under it's everencompassing layers of steel guarding every inch of the craft. A grand sight in itself but then they reached to one of the gun turrets guarded by a consort of marines which kindle let the two ponies in. The vast circular chamber had its walls lined with servile rows of chimera-sized arrowheads surrounding a centerpiece electric elevator; a far cry from her humble pie lift. Beneath her a similar chamber was located which instead held a blood chilling quantity of powder bags. While she was not allowed near the guns themselves he did show her the engine rooms which provoked a sizable debate, thankfully mainly concealed within the rows of pistons.... Mainly...

"...you wouldn't understand, I really wanted to use turbines but the design is just not refined enough yet..., not only the blades keep creeping inside the engine overtime, the tolerances have to be super tight too since you can't really fix it with piston rings. But it is a huge pity we can't break twenty one knots so I do have my assistant running tests back in my workshop. Extra range and speed would be nice but reliability is more important."

"Sure...," The mare said, giving up on the conversation. "But you have to admit I made some convincing arguments..., you said yourself why it would have been a better idea for it to use the Tur...Turd-nine engines, after all a revolutionary ship needs a revolutionary propulsion system, won't you say?"

"I'd say my head hurts..."The stallion rubbed the back of his head. "You really are good at convincing other poines aren't you."

"Oh sod it!" She waved it off... "If you know what you are doing I wouldn't get involved, I just wanted to understand your reasoning which is quite solid. For now I am just mocking about." She laughed...

"Mocking about..." The stallion stared into the blue abyss ahead of him that was the Celestial Sea..., across it was Griffonstone and if he looked the other way he could just barely catch mainland Equestria under the glow of twilight where Baltimare was waiting for him...

"Say..., I know you have a shop to run but I have a need of somepony who can help me out with procurement. I told you what the nobility can be like, having someone who can talk-up a big game would be really handy to have on-board..." He said as he opened the hatch they have just emerged from.

Extra Crispy considered her options, on one hoof she still had a shop to run with the school holiday being just around the corner, thus expecting more customers, but on the other hoof she never had a genuine adventure in her life. Not the one where she hunted pigeons or dodged discovery of her secrets but the one where she genuinely made a difference to the lives of ponies and sticking it to those loudmouth Ponyvillians, despite the fact the were genuinely right, was so alluring..."

"Did I mention the pay is also quite generous?" The unicorn added, which has tipped the scales...

"Count me in."

Author's Note

Well, there it is... the ridiculously overdue epilogue...

One thing I have gotten a bit wrong is when I was writing in the first chapter how Applejack and Rainbow Dash got to Trottingham which I noticed when I consulted it to find how the sea near Trottingham was named. I thought it was on a peninsula east of Baltimare but turn out it is an island North of Manehattan… So I will take that into account but I intend that the town will remain a "big industrial city" WITH a railroad connection in any future fanfics. Also Trottingham is never shown in the show and for some reason Ponyville is bigger than Canterlot or Manehattan on the map so I can't use it judge cities.

And yes, next story on the list will in fact be Equestria's Arms Race