This is the moment of just letting go...
The night was exceptionally dark, the clouds from the evening rainstorm not having been cleared yet, and thus the moon was obscured. Where visibility would be available, if limited, only darkness reigned. It was during this darkness that one pony took advantage of the inky night and made his way across the darkened town.
In whatever brief glimpse of light allowed a view of the nighttime traveler, all that could really be said was that it was an earth pony, Stetson hat perched on its head. From the heavy hooffalls, it could be a stallion, but it was hard to be sure, seeing only basic outlines. Not that there was anypony about that could have identified the mystery pony, which was another thing the pony was counting on.
It was, in fact, a stallion. A gray-haired stallion with brown mane and tail. The cutie mark on his flanks was that of a wagon wheel with wings. Anypony in town would have known him as Longhaul, the freight hauling pony. And tonight, he had a special mission to complete. Having slipped through the town as quietly and quickly as he could, knowing nopony would be out due to the rainstorm, he followed the rail line toward the cliffs where the train would pass through the mountains themselves on the way to Canterlot.
He knew of a path that ran up the cliffs. He had seen the maintenance ponies using it to perform work, either keeping the tunnel safe or working on the tracks in the upper levels. He also saw how high up it went, and what was down below. After careful observation, he had made his decision. This would be the place.
Very few ponies had noticed that Longhaul was slowing down a bit, that he seemed to be moving more deliberately and cautiously these days. If anypony asked, Longhaul would laugh and attribute it to his rapidly advancing age. In a way, it was, coupled with a few other maladies discovered during a routine physical, problems that would threaten the ability to keep his job, the only job he had known for about half of his life. He subsisted on a diet of pills and little else, not being able to eat many of the things he enjoyed lest they aggravate his condition even further. Longhaul had resolved that, should the day come when he was unable to face another day of pain, he would put a permanent end to it.
And it was this day, or rather this evening, that Longhaul set about achieving that goal. The path was steep and slightly slick from the rain, but he continued up. He knew from casual talks with some of the rail workers while making pickups at the railyard that there was a ledge several hundred feet up, near the midpoint of the tunnel, and nothing but jagged rocks below. Steadily, he continued up the path, narrow that it was, until at long last he had reached the ledge. He caught his breath, winded from his climb, and peered over the edge. Nothing around to break his fall, and no soft, forgiving ground down below. There were two options now. He could walk back down the path, and forget this had ever crossed his mind, risking detection and maybe even being getting into trouble for trespassing; or he could follow through and finally, permanently, be free fro his pain and burdens.
He sat down and contemplated his choices. Looking up, he could see a few pegasi beginning to clear the clouds away, which meant that soon, he would be visible in the glow of the moon. It appeared he had some time, but he would have to make his choice quickly. It was then that he realized he wasn’t alone. He had a good idea of whom it might be. “There’s really no need for you to be here,” he said to the as-yet-unseen figure, “and I can promise you I won’t be here very long.”
“Only if that means you are abandoning this fool’s errand and are walking back down that path,” said the soft voice of Princess Luna, as she stepped from the shadows.
He didn’t turn to face her. Instead, he stared up to the sky, his cheeks wet with his tears. “If you know my dreams and my thoughts, you know that’s not going to happen. There’s only one way I’m leaving this ledge, and I’m pretty sure you know what it is.”
Luna sat down near to him. “I could also carry you in my magic, down from here and to the hospital where you could get some help,” she stated.
“Wouldn’t matter. I’d just find another way. Maybe using all of that medicine they keep giving me, that only offers a temporary solution to my permanent problem. No. It ends tonight.”
Luna sighed. “Longhaul, why are you so insistent on ending your life?”
“Why are you so insistent on prolonging it?” he asked, slightly exasperated. “I’m an old pony, I’m only getting older, and it’s not going to get any better for me.”
“It will, if you give it a chance--” Luna started to say.
“How many more chances do I have to give it?” he asked, becoming more agitated. “Every setback I’ve had in my life, I always kept a happy face and said to myself, ‘Well, at least thing will get better for me.’ And maybe it did, for a little while, until the next obstacle appeared. And the next. And the next. And through it all, I did my damnedest to keep a positive attitude, that things would turn around. This time there is no turn around. I can’t surmount the obstacles any more. I give up.”
“Then, why don’t you ask your friends for help?” Luna suggested.
Longhaul turned to Luna. “Luna, do you know that you’re the only pony I talk to on a regular basis? I have no friends besides you, and I know most of what I will ask for isn’t in the realm of possibility of you helping me.”
Luna was taken aback by this, but kept her composure. “Perhaps family, then? Surely there’s somepony--”
“Which family?” Longhaul asked bitterly. “The parents that practically disowned me once I made my choice of career, or the relatives that shun me because I wasn’t even supposed to be born in the first place?” Seeing Luna’s expression of surprise and shock, he nodded. “That’s right … I was no happy accident, I was a careless mistake, one the laws of the time wouldn’t allow to be fixed. I can’t begin to tell you how great that made me feel when I found out.”
“Longhaul, please … I don’t want to see you throw your life away like this,” Luna said with urgency. “There must be something that can be done, anything other than … well, this.”
Longhaul sighed, and walked over to Luna. “I've been fighting these demons a long time. I’m tired. I’m old and not getting any younger. My body is starting to fail me. I’ve made my peace with it, and I feel that the time is right. You’ve been a big help to me, whether you know it or not. You’ve kept me going, just on the belief that somehow, some way, you heard my supplications in the night.” He dropped his head and closed his eyes. “You gave me more years than I probably deserved to have. Now, I ask you, as a friend, to help somepony else. Show them the kindness and mercy you showed me. There’s nothing left for me now, but there’s others that can be saved. Go help them.”
Luna wrapped him in a hug. Longhaul felt her tears dripping onto his neck, which started his own flood. When the hug was broken a few minutes later, Luna turned to walk away. “Before I go, I will ask you one more time to rethink your decision. I still see potential in you, it’s just hidden from your perspective. Will you at least do that?”
He nodded. “That, I will promise.” He turned and looked out over the lights of Ponyville twinkling in the distance, the patches of sky that had cleared and allowed stars to shine through, and he drew a deep breath. He heard the poof of teleportation, and once again he was alone on top of the cliff. He did as he promised – he sat and thought.
It was one of the weather pegasi clearing the skies that noticed the object at the bottom of the rugged cliff face, and who alerted the authorities. It was decided that, due to the proximity, the crumpled, battered body would be flown to the medical examiner’s office in Canterlot.
After examination by the coroner, the cause of death was determined to be severe blunt-force trauma associated with a fall from a great height, and the incident ruled a suicide based on the investigators’ findings a the scene.
A look through the bloodied saddlebags showed the deceased to be one Dusty Hoofer, also known as Longhaul, a resident of the town of Ponyville. They found no note to explain why he did what he did, just a simple note that read:
I have no family.
I have no money.
I have no friends.
Dispose of me as you see fit.
It won’t matter to me any more.
It didn’t matter when I was alive, either.
-LH
Author's Note
Just getting it out of my system.
